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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 21, 2013 5:39:06 GMT
Chapter 16 Mom came in my room the next day. “Do you want to ride the van to school or have me take you?” she asked. “Take me,” I said. “Okay, I will let you sleep longer then. What time do you want to get up?” “Eight,” I said. “Okay.” Mom shut my door. I slept more and soon Mom came in my room again to wake me up. She took off my pajamas and my wet diaper and cleaned me up and asked if I wanted to shower. “No,” I said. “Okay. Not afraid to smell at school?” “I change twice there,” I sighed. Mom put a clean diaper on me and got me dressed and told me she will see me downstairs. I rested for a few minutes and then I got up and went downstairs. Kelly was already gone and Mom was still getting Matthew up for school. “Your sister is already going downstairs and I woke her up after you,” Mom told Matthew. I went down the stairs and slipped towards the bottom and fell a few steps. I got up and looked outside and saw no van. Mom must have told them she was taking me to school so he drove off. I got some cereal and milk and poured myself a bowl and put the milk back in the fridge. I the heard Mom dragging Matthew down the stairs. Then she was pulling him down the hallway and into the kitchen. “Are you going to get up and eat or eat down there?” Mom asked. I giggled. “Get up and eat or go to school hungry, your choice,” said Mom. Matthew stayed lying there. I finished eating and he was still lying on the floor. I put my bowl in the sink and stepped on Matthew’s leg near his foot as I left the kitchen. “Ow,” he shouted. “You were in my way,” I said. “What happened?” Mom asked from the family room. “Natalie stepped on me,” Matthew complained. “It was an accident,” I lied. “You don’t look hurt, get up so no one else will step on you,” said Mom. I went upstairs and brushed my teeth and hair. I got on the computer again and checked out Diaper Story’s and the spam was still there but it also had new posts by other people. I also noticed part of the discussion about my joke was bumped off the board. I went to the incontinent board and saw my joke had a lock next to it. It also had responses to it and they also had locks too. I read them they were all negative like “Sir I work in special ed teacher and some kids in there are pretty bright and others are special in their own ways and make you happy.” “As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade, not funny” and he had a red face in his post meaning he was angry. “Horrible at poking fun at people who are mentally delayed.” “Picking on others who are different to make yourself feel better, not good. Get help.” ‘No wonder you were banned.” Then I saw the response by the owner “I do not allow bullying on this forum. I have a cousin with Down’s syndrome and this was terrible. Don’t post this again.” How could he be so stupid and everyone else? I felt mad all over again. I read the rest of Ariel Crawford and finished reading all parts. I checked the time and saw it was about time Matthew catches his bus. I wonder if Mom was taking him down there and then coming home and bring me to school. I heard some nagging all morning long. Soon Mom called me to come downstairs and she was taking me to school now. I wasn’t surprised to still see Matthew because I heard him in the bathroom. “Matthew!” Mom called upstairs. “Matt!” “Get out to the car Natalie,” Mom told me. I grabbed my backpack and my winter coat again. I put my Game Boy in there but I felt the recorder again. I took it out and put it in the den on the counter and got my shoes on and went out to the car and sat and waited. Then I remembered I was supposed to exchange a game with Jason so I went back inside and ran back upstairs taking my shoes off in the laundry room. “Natalie, what are you doing?” Mom asked. “I forgot something,” I said. “Hurry up, I don’t want you two to be late.” I went in Matthew’s room and looked for some old Game Boy games. I knew he had some in here. I looked in the toy chest and saw a game cartridge while digging around. I picked it up and looked at it and it said Golf. I took it with me. I never played it and it was Brian’s when he was little. I stepped over the pigsty in his room and ran back downstairs sticking the game in my coat. Mom honked her horn out in the garage. I put my feet in my shoes and went back out to the car and finished putting them on in there. Mom took Matthew to his school and it was a red brick building with windows and it was three stories high. I used to go there. He moped on the way and cried and Mom just dropped him off and told him he can go in the building that way. He got him out of the car and pulled him inside. I played Super Mario bros. Deluxe again. Soon Mom came back out and got in the car and sighed. Then she took me to school next. It was five minutes before school started when Mom dropped me off. I grabbed my backpack and got out of the car. “Am I picking you up or riding home?” Mom asked. “Picking me up,” I said. “Okay see you at three thirty then,” said Mom. I closed the door and Mom drove off. I headed in the building. Instead of going to my locker, I went to the basement and hid in the room as I did last time. I was not going to be with Mrs. Bitch. I sat down and took out my Game Boy and started playing but it was hard to see the screen because it was dark so I turned it off and put it away. I heard the bell ring and I just stayed put. I was bored again. I wish I had a Game Boy lighter. I got up and looked for a light switch. I turned it on and the lights turned on. I played my game, er Jason’s game, again. I wished I had this game but sadly I was only borrowing it. But I already had it on the Super Nintendo so I didn’t need another one but at least it was helping me pass time. I could have a portable Super Mario bros game. Soon I heard my name being called. I kept playing. “Natalie,” I heard again. I paused my game and got up. “Natalie,” I heard again. Then Mrs. Peggy walked in the room and saw me. “There you are, we were looking all over for you and you got your mother all worried,” she scolded. “What are you doing down here? Why aren’t you in class?” I didn’t know how to answer. “Do you have any idea how worried we were about you? When you were marked absent, I thought your mother forgot to call you in sick so I called your house and she said she dropped you off here and I said you didn’t show up in class and she got all worried. I told her we would look for you and let her know if we find you. What are you doing cutting class? Do you know what we do to students here who cut class?” I shook my head. “We either suspend them or give them a little in school suspension but it depends on what the parents agree with. Your mother probably won’t be happy when she hears you cut class.” “Can kids here switch classes?” I asked. “Why?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “Are there any other English teachers that teach my grade besides Mrs. Bi- Kink?” I said. “Oh I see. You’re not the only student here who has tried cutting class to avoid her.” “Are we going to get a new sub soon?” I asked. “Are you having trouble with her?” Mrs. Peggy asked. I didn’t know how to answer. If I said yes, Mrs. Kink might get mad and think I told about her. If I said no, then I would be stuck with her. I was trapped. “Are you?” Mrs. Peggy asked again. “I don’t know,” I said. “You don’t know?” I didn’t know what else to say. “Come to my office,” she said. We left the room and Mrs. Peggy turned off the light and closed the door. We went upstairs and walked in the hallway to her office. “Sit down there,” she pointed to the chair. I sat down. Mrs. Peggy picked up the phone and dialed. Then she said. “This is Loretta Peggy and we found your daughter. Yes she was in the basement and she was cutting class….No I am serious, she was….First time? Well plenty of other students have cut class too and we always give them a punishment but a parent always needs to agree with it before we do it….Well what we do is we either suspend them or give them in school suspension, whatever works for you….Well we can do one day suspension….We’ll we can do it for now, just come to my office and she will be right here….Okay, see you soon, bye.” Mrs. Peggy hung up. She got up and sat down next to me. “Well Natalie, you will be suspended for the rest of the day. Your mother is coming to get you. She said this was the first time you have ever cut class and was surprised you would do this.” “How long has Mrs. Kink been here?” I asked. “She has been subbing here for two years. Have you been having problems with her in class?’ “No,” I lied. “So why cut class?” “I don’t know.” “Other students who have done it also didn’t know why they did it and they got suspended or got in school suspension or had to do extra work in class after school or faced consequences at home.” I was betting the kids were also too afraid to say why they cut class. I wonder what Mrs. Bitch had told those other kids who tried cutting class. The bell rang and kids went to the next class. Mrs. Peggy went back to her desk and did some work and I just sat and waited. Soon Mom came and I was nervous. She just came in the office. I was expecting to see her mad. Instead she just sighed and said, “Okay Natalie, let’s go, we have some discussing to do.” I got up and Mrs. Peggy talked a little to Mom and then we left. Once we got in the car, Mom said to me firmly. “What were you doing cutting class? You have never done this.” “I don’t know,” I said. “How could you do this? Is there something I don’t know about?” Yes, I thought. “No,” I lied. “So why cut class?” Mom shouted. “I guess I wanted to try it,” I said. “Try it? Now you have and I hope this will be your only time. I was so worried about you because I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know if someone had come by and took you or if you ran away which would make no sense. You have no reason to run away. But thank goodness you only cut class.” “Why is it thank goodness?” I asked. “Because parents have dropped their kids off at school before and it would be the last time they would ever see them. Then I get a phone call from your principal asking me if you were home sick and I said no and she said you were not in school and I said I took you there and she said you apparently didn’t show up, you were marked absent and I was like what and I got real scared. She told me to remain calm and she will look for me and call me if they find you. Do you know how stressful it was for me to have to wait and not know how long it will be when they call me back or if you will come home today or when I would ever see you again? None of those other parents were lucky and I still have you. I can’t believe you did this,” Mom yelled. “I’m very upset with you. I am not happy.” We were silent for a few minutes, and then I asked, “Have you ever cut school or class?” “I did in high school at the end of the year because teachers weren’t giving out homework and kids were just chatting and visiting and there was nothing to do so I would get up and leave school and I wouldn’t show up on the last day.” “Did Grandma know?” Mom shrugged. “If she did, she didn’t care. It was at the end of the year.” “What did you do while you cut school?” “Walked around, went to the library and read.” “Didn’t you get lost?” “Yeah and I would manage to find my way back and your father would also cut with me in our senior year so he was my map.” Wow, both my parents were school cutters. “Wow I didn’t know you both cut school,” I said. “It was the end of the school year and there was no work so it was totally different than cutting. What is the point in going if it’s just chit chat and goofing off? They didn’t have VCR’s back then so we couldn’t watch a movie and we didn’t have computers then or Game Boys or portable CD players or walk men. Instead we had these black and white roll films and we had books, we had the radio, we had record players, we had board games and puzzles and people just hung out and visit. I just didn’t see the point being there when you could do it all at home or go to the library and read and the rooms were chaotic anyway so we ditched school.” When we got home, we got out of the car and I took my shoes off in the laundry room and went up to my room. I set my backpack down and took off my coat. I realized I still had Jason’s game and I wonder if he was going to think I stole it because I didn’t show up to any of his classes. Would he think I was avoiding him to keep the game? I continued the game and then the screen shut off. The batteries had died. I took them out and threw them away and went downstairs to the kitchen and opened the drawer at the computer desk and took out two new batteries. I went back upstairs and put them in my Game Boy and continued my game. After I got a game over, Mom came in my room. “Let’s start taking down this wallpaper,” she said. “Have you decided what you wanted yet for this room?” “No,” I said. Mom walked to the wall and I heard peeling. “C’mon Natalie, help me. Since you’re home from school, you can spend your day working,” said Mom. I turned my Game Boy off and started helping her. Peeling wallpaper is fun. Then she left telling me she will be right back and to keep peeling. I kept on peeling and I only peeled the parts where I saw paper was coming off. I liked how I could tear the whole chunk of it off but I hated when it ripped. Soon Mom came back with some stuff. A bowl of water and a scraper and two sponges and a rag. She said it was to get the wallpaper off the wall. We spent all morning getting it off the wall. Mom told me to not worry about getting some paint off the wall because we can always repaint it again. Then Mom put the scraper down and left my room. I kept working. Then she came back up telling me my diapers came. I was happy because I was running low on them again. Kelly had destroyed some of them so I was using them for double padding. Then Mom checked my diaper and said I needed to be changed so she had me lie down and did the work for me. This time she was quicker. She threw my diaper away and put a clean one on me and we had lunch. My sticky notes were still there. I decided to add some to my bedroom like on the TV set or on my closet door or my dresser. After I was done eating, I put my plate in the dishwasher and took my odor pill I had in my backpack. I went back to scrubbing the wallpaper off my wall. We had gotten most of it off already in one section. We still had ways to go. Soon Mom came up and we went back to work. Then she had me help her bring in the ladder so we could reach the top wall. She set it up and got on it and scrubbed. I got on it too and also helped. It was the kind that had two sides for people to climb on. “This is fun,” I said. “I’m glad you like your punishment,” said Mom. “Huh?” I asked. “You got suspended and I am making you do this and you are enjoying it. Maybe I should make you not do it for a punishment but then it wouldn’t be a punishment either. I can just have you strip down to your diaper and make you walk around the block.” “What?” I asked. “Just kidding,” said Mom. “I still think you’re not being totally honest here.” “What do you mean?” “Well first of all, you don’t cut class, you never did at your other school either despite mean kids and conflicts in class. This time you do and you’re not really telling me. Just reminds me the time when you didn’t even want to go to school when you were in kindergarten and back then you didn’t even try and cut school but this time you decide to cut class and it was the class where you had two problems with the same teacher. What’s going on?” “Nothing, I just don’t want to deal with her, I want to switch teachers,” I said. “So you cut class over two issues?” Mom asked. “Yes,” I lied. “I don’t want any more with her so I cut class. I was going to avoid her until we get a new teacher but I see I don’t have that option.” That part was the truth, the yes part was a lie. “I don’t know what has gotten into you. You seem to have changed a little. Must be your terrible teens. I remember Brian changing, now you are. Teens are so full of surprises. Your brother decided to do drugs, you decided to cut class. If this happens again, I would have to come to your school and sit in each class with you to make sure you don’t leave and Dad won’t be happy about this house not being spotless because I wouldn’t be here to clean it.” I liked that idea. If I cut class again on Monday, she would have to come to school with me and sit in each class with me and I would be protected from Mrs. Bitch. My mom would be there. But I wonder if I would get teased about it. But at least I would have a guardian angel and I bet all kids would love that. Mom left again to use the bathroom and she came back and went back to work. Soon Kelly came home and she was shocked to see me. “I thought you were supposed to still be in school?’ she asked. “She got suspended,” Mom replied. “Why?” “Care to tell her?” Mom asked me. “I cut class,” I said. Kelly was shocked because her eyes widened. “Whoa. Why did you do something like that?” “I wanted to avoid the teacher,” I said. “Why? Is it a sub or what?” “Yeah,” I said. “She’s a bitch so we all call her Mrs. Bitch. Everyone is afraid of her. She is the worst sub ever.” “She’s a sub? I thought she was your real teacher. Why not play tricks on her?” “I don’t know,” I said. I couldn’t tell her the real reason why. “Do you want to help us Kelly?” Mom asked. “It will make the job go a lot quicker.” “I have homework,” she said. “You have the whole weekend,” said Mom. Kelly put her stuff down. “Okay, I don’t have any babysitting. What do you want me to do?” “Peel any wallpaper you want,” said Mom. “Use the scrubber and sponge to scrub the glue and wallpaper off and make sure to get the sponge wet so the paper won’t come off.” Kelly went right to work. We had already moved my dresser out of the way so Mom and I were behind it peeling it. “Why are we even peeling this if you can just wallpaper over it,” Kelly asked. “Natalie doesn’t want any,” said Mom. “Some of the paint is coming off.” “Don’t worry about it, we’re going to repaint it.” “What color?” “White,” Mom and I replied in unison. “Only five more days for Dad to go to court,” said Kelly. “What’s going to happen there?” I asked. “He is just going there to find out what his charges are going to be and if he will be serving time in jail or not or have to pay for any damage and other stuff,” said Mom. “Then how is he going to work?” I asked. “That is what worries me. I don’t know what is going to happen. That is why I am still upset with him. We do have some money in savings but I don’t know how long it will last us and what am I going to do by myself?” Mom has never been on her own. She has always lived with people she knows and Dad. Mom also told me some people never live on their own and some stay home until they are married and then they move out and get their own place, and some just have roommates until they are married. Dad had never been on his own either. Aunt Elizabeth was also never on her own. She just went living with her boyfriend soon husband when she moved out and they already had a baby. “Uh get a job, do what you always do at home,” I said. “If they will hire me, if they want to know why there is a huge work gap in between, I will just tell them I was a stay at home Mom and now we need the money so I am returning to work.” “What kind of work will you find Mom, I hear working at a restaurant isn’t enough to live in our home or working in a grocery store,” said Kelly. “We got this house for cheap but it’s worth a lot more now,” said Mom. “Why?” I asked. “Home value always goes up.” “Only if they don’t know what happened in this house,” said Kelly. “What do you mean?” I asked. “There is a rumor that there was murder in this house so that was why our Mom and Dad got it so cheap because no one would buy it and they just wanted to get rid of it so they dropped the price.” “How did you find out?” Mom asked. “Kids told me at school. They have kept asking me if I have seen the ghost or if it’s haunted thanks to Mr. Barkly.” “What about him?” I asked. “He told us in class about what was his name, and he killed his wife and buried her and tried to hide the evidence and fled the state and some kids looked him up and found the address he lived at and it was this address. Now everyone knows we live in a crime of the scene home where someone was murdered. How could you guys buy a home where a murder was committed?” “It’s just a house,” said Mom. “Well now kids have an excuse now to not come here.” “You don’t have kids come over anyway,” I said. “Would you buy a home where bodies were dissembled and eaten or buried under the home or bones hidden in the closet?” Kelly asked. “If it was all cleaned up and didn’t smell, sure,” said Mom. “How come you never told me this?” “I didn’t know you wanted to know about it,” said Mom. “How can I want to know about something if I don’t know about it?” Kelly asked. Now I was curious. Was there really a murder committed in my home? “Was someone really killed in this house?” I asked. “Yes,” said Mom. “They may have torn this house down if Dad and I didn’t buy it.” “Why?” “No one would buy it. It sat empty for over a year before we saw it on the market and we went and checked it out and they had it at low price. We were skeptical at first because it was so cheap so we checked it out and it was in good shape, everything was working and it was barely lived in. The real estate person said the bank owned it and they had it so low because no one would buy it. They were going to put it on auction but we put an offer on it and they accepted it and we got the house. I bet they were so happy to finally sell it.” “Why wouldn’t people want to live in a house where someone was killed,” I asked. “I don’t know,” Mom replied. “People are weird.” “I’m weird?” Kelly asked. “It’s just a house, I don’t know what the big deal is you’re making about all this,” said Mom. “You’re being a dumb blonde,” I said. “Shut up,” said Kelly. “Mom, she called me a dumb blonde again.” Mom didn’t say anything and she kept on working. “I don’t like being called that,” Kelly said again. “So stop being one,” I said. “I’m out,” she said and left. Mom shook her head. I shook mine too. “Weird sister I have,” I said. Soon Matthew came home and we heard him come upstairs. “Matthew,” Mom called. “Do you want to help us get wallpaper off the wall in your sister’s bedroom?” “No I am going to my room,” said Matthew. Then Mom decided to check my diaper again. I was wet and messy so she changed me again. Then she decided to quit for today so I was on my own peeling the wallpaper. I went and played my game. I did the archives level, one of my favorites, and I let Natalya run off. At least she wouldn’t be in my way of shooting. I shot all the bad guys first and then met up with Minister Mishkin. He gave me the key to the safe and I got the plans out and left. I shot more bad guys and then I had to look for Natalya. I found her in the attic and we headed to the window. I shot the glass and jumped out. I did the streets next and I had to talk to Valentin again and then I got in the army tank and started driving the tank. I shot at bad guys or ran over them and had to shoot the shells in the street so they wouldn’t explode when I drive over them. When I beat the level, I decided to play Kirby. I made my own file and started playing. I loved all the ability combinations. In the old ones you could only use one ability. I also find the levels to be so easy. Fireworks are my favorite. It made me think of Fourth of July and parties. Then Mom came in the bedroom with a pile of clean clothes and she decided to check my diaper again. “I am fine,” I said. “I have to make sure you’re not messy,” she said. “I am not messy,” I said. “Let me check you anyway to be sure.” “I am fine,” I said. “It hasn’t even been four hours yet.” But Mom started checking me anyway. I wanted her off me. This was the second time she was doing this. Last night and now. “Mom,” I cried. “This will be quick if you let me,” said Mom. “Or do you want me to turn the game off?” I didn’t want her turning it off so I let her check me finally just to get it over with. Then she was done and she washed her hands and started folding.
Mom picked Dad up again and he was not happy with me when they got home. I could tell in his tone of voice and he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. He told me we would talk after dinner. Mom decided to check me again right when we started eating and she said she forgot to check me again. “You already did while I was playing video games,” I said “Well I have to check again to be sure, I don’t want you leaking.” “Ready to start taking care of your diapers again and not be lazy anymore?” Kelly asked. “This will be so much easier for the rest of us. This is the second time we have to wait on you.” “Kelly,” said Mom. “I am hungry and you have to change her now.” “We’ll try and be quick,” said Mom. “You heard your mother,” said Dad. I got out of my seat and Mom and I headed upstairs. She checked my diaper when we got to my room. She decided I needed to be changed but I said it hadn’t even been four hours yet and I am going to shower at eight anyway. “If you leak, you clean it,” said Mom. We went back downstairs and we all finally ate. Matthew complained to Mom if she is going to be checking me every dinner and have them wait at the table until we get back. “If I remember to check her sooner,” said Mom. “When will she start changing herself again?” “When she starts doing it on her own,” said Mom. “Will you stop being lazy then Natalie?” said Matthew. Great, Matthew and Kelly were getting mad at me now because of Mom. I just pushed my plate away and stormed out of my chair. “Hey, you can’t leave yet,” said Kelly. “Just let her be,” said Dad. I ran up to my room and lied on my bed. I felt trapped. I hated my life and the fact I was getting older. I wished I could be little again where people don’t expect much out of you. I felt hungry but I didn’t care. I was too upset to eat. Soon, Dad came in my room. “Wow, you sure got a lot done in here,” he said looking at the peeled wall. The ladder was still in my room and everything else including the pieces on the floor. “Wow you even got some paint off the wall, I know of a chemical we can all use to make it all easier. We’ll get some tomorrow. Natalie, I am very disappointed in you. Cutting class.” Dad lifted his shirt up and I saw him undoing his belt. “When I was in year eight, I cut school once with a bunch of my friends and my parents found out and do you know what my father did? He hit me with this.” He pulled the belt off his pants and started flinging it but he didn’t hit me with it. “I would hit you with this but your mum does not approve and she would kill me if I hit one of her kids with it. So I will swing it instead as I talk because I am very upset.” Dad kept on scolding me as he kept hitting the wall and then the TV set and my dresser and my bed with his belt. He swung it hard and I kept hearing the sound and watching him swing it. “What are you doing cutting class?” he yelled. “I wanted to get away from the teacher,” I said. “The one we talked about last night?” I nodded. “Why are you being so secretive?” I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know how to tell him without getting caught by Mrs. Bitch. “I don’t ever want to you cutting class again and that also means school,” Dad shouted. “Do we need to have them hire someone to watch you in every class now? I hope this is your only time you ever do this because next time, we will look into getting you someone to babysit you in every class to make sure you won’t cut.” I knew a plan now. I would cut class again on Monday so I will now have someone with me and I would feel safe around Mrs. Bitch and around other kids. “I thought Mom would be in class with me,” I said. “You expect her to be in school all day with you, they can hire someone to do it for her,” said Dad. “So don’t ever cut again. Not on Monday, not on Tuesday, not next week, not next month, never.” Dad put his belt back on and told me my food was still downstairs and to come and eat it if I am still hungry. I got up and went downstairs. My food was in the fridge so I got it out and ate it. Dad went for an evening walk so it was just Mom and us kids home alone with our pets. I finished my food and showered at eight. Dad was still gone. He was sure going on a long walk. He was still gone when I got out of my shower. “Where’s Dad?” I asked after I was in my diapers and pajamas. “Still on his walk,” said Mom. “Geez, he is taking a long one,” I said. I took my pill and went back upstairs. I played more of Super Mario Bros Deluxe. I hope Jason didn’t think I was avoiding him to keep his game. Dad came home later and he was all sweaty. He said he walked down the road and back and it was a great relaxing walk. He may do that from now on instead of drinking and whenever he is craving a beer, he will go for a walk. He also said if he ever needs to go to town for anything, he will just walk because it’s great exercise. He may just ride his bike too. “You’re lucky no one hit you with their car,” said Mom. “You don’t even have any reflective gear on. Don’t leave the neighborhood again when it’s dark out. Drivers will have a hard time seeing you and they might hit you with their car. There are no sidewalks.” “I stay on the side of the road, relax,” said Dad. “But they won’t go to the center when they drive by so they may still hit you. I already have a drunken husband who is facing court, I don’t need a dead one.” “You worry too much,” Dad complained. “It’s stupid to walk on the road at night without any reflective gear or any flashing lights. People don’t see well at night despite using high beams.” “Deer don’t wear reflective gear and I still saw them and slowed down,” said Dad. “Because you drive slower at night,” said Mom. “Well people are driving slower at night here too and use high beam so they will see me and have time to slow down or move to the center.” “Just don’t walk out there in the middle of the night please,” Mom begged. “Look, if I die, you will just end up selling this house and moving to your family. That will be your plan if anything happens to me. Especially if I go to jail and lose my job. Then when they release me, we will figure something out.” I felt nervous. I didn’t know what Dad’s charges were going to be like if he will go to jail and how long will he be in for. Would we move and be closer to Mom’s family and would Mom get a job to try and support us. How will we afford diapers for me? “How will she afford diapers for me?” I asked. “I am sure your family will pay for it,” said Dad. “How long will you be in jail for?” “I don’t know yet. I will be lucky if I don’t go at all.” “I’m scared what is going to happen,” I said. I was more worried about not getting a Nintendo 64 game every month. “I can’t help you there Natalie, we just have to wait and see. Worrying about it isn’t going to fix it. What happens it happens and there is nothing we can do about it unless we have a DeLorean.” “What’s that?” I asked. “The car Doc Brown used in Back to the Future. The one he made a time machine out of.” “But there is no such thing as a time machine,” I said. “It was a joke. If we had one, I would travel back in time and not do my mistake.” “I would go back in time and tell Mom to not go on the road and ask to go the other way,” I said. “Or try and make her pull over so she wouldn’t go on the road if she refuses to listen.” I pictured myself throwing a tantrum in the backseat and be loud as I can so Mom would pull over and wait until I am done, then we would have been stuck on the road or be force to go another way due to the accident because of the drunk driver hitting someone else instead of us. Then I wouldn’t be wearing diapers and I would have had more of a normal life. Or I would just stall my mother at the hospital before leaving. I also wonder what Saltwater was like in the 1950s but we had no time machine to travel back. I knew this was all field and trees back then. I couldn’t imagine driving fast on the street because then I might crash into a tree when I travel back and die. I would be going too fast to even stop or turn and there would be no street lights and everything would be dark. Traveling back in time can be dangerous if you don’t know what was there in the days. “It would mess things up if we had one,” said Dad. “You could change the past and even stop yourself from existing. That is what almost happen to Marty McFly.” “But I wouldn’t even be seeing you guys in the past,” I said. “You weren’t even here because you lived somewhere else.” “Well you could change someone else’s past and stop someone else from existing.” “Well what could go wrong if I changed my own past and stopped myself from getting in a car accident?” I said. “I don’t know,” said Dad. “There would still be change in your past all right.” “The only change I can see is me wearing underwear like everyone else and not wearing diapers.” “There would be other changes too,” said Dad. “For one, you would probably still be going to your old school, your medical history would be different, your mother and I would probably still be living in denial. Who knows what you would have been like today.” But I still wasn’t convinced. How could not getting in a car accident cause other changes in my life? I think there would be good changes. I wonder if Veronica and I still would have been friends. I do wonder how much better my life would have been if the car accident didn’t happen to us. But I will never know.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 21, 2013 16:44:10 GMT
Chapter 17 Why did I have to use the damn time machine to travel back to 1957. Now I have messed up the whole past. I had made the town be a lot smaller in the year 2000 and my neighborhood from existing because some crazy girl claimed to be from the future and people didn’t want to live where there was a crazy girl so it never grew and people moved away so I tried to go back and fix it and now I was stuck in 1957. I didn’t know how to fix the time machine. I would now have to live in the past without my family since my parents were still babies and their families wouldn’t know me and no way would they believe I am their future granddaughter and my dad’s family is all the way in London and I had no money to fly there and my mom’s family was across the whole United States in Wisconsin. I had no car to drive and I had no way of getting there either and they wouldn’t even know who I am. They would just think I was some crazy girl like everyone else thought or think I am some pathological liar. I was known as Future Girl and kids loved hearing about the future but then I found out they didn’t believe me and they only led me on because they liked my stories and wanted to hear more so they pretended to believe me. Now I was lying in bed knowing I would be stuck in the past forever and I would have to wait forty three years to tell myself to listen to my father and do not mess with the time machine and I am the adult her who had to live in the past and had to wait forty three years to tell her to not do it or she will be stuck in the past. I didn’t tell anyone again about the future. I couldn’t mess up the past again with my stories about being from the future or else I wouldn’t know where I would be living to find myself. Then Lodie, a lady who was taking care of me and had me living with her, came in and gave me some medicine and something to drink. She just rubbed my head and I pulled away but she kept rubbing it telling me I will feel better soon and then I heard my name calling. It wasn’t coming from her mouth. Then I felt the covers lift off me. What was going on? I was in my own room in the year 2000 and there was my mother checking my diaper. It was all a dream. Thank goodness, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in the past with no family. “What are you doing?” I asked. “Seeing if you need to be changed,” she said. “You’re wet, let me change you.” “Can you wait when I get out of bed?” I asked. “No I have to do it now or you might leak all over your bed.” “But I have two on, I never leak with two on.” “I don’t want you getting a rash.” Mom pulled the covers off me after she grabbed a diaper from my closet. I pulled them back but she pulled them off me again. “Mom,” I cried “So start changing yourself more and these things won’t happen,” said Mom. I felt cold after the covers were off me and Mom pulled me out of bed. She took my diaper off and cleaned me up. I didn’t make it easy for her because I just lied here with my eyes closed and I didn’t even lift my own butt up or nothing so she had to do all the work. “Natalie, if you don’t help me here, this will take a lot longer to get done and you will stay cold longer,” Mom told me. “I’m tired,” I complained. “This will go a lot quicker if you help out. You’re too heavy for me to lift or flip over.” That comment made me feel like I was fat. Too heavy? I needed to try and lose more weight. I helped Mom out and she finished changing me and I crawled back into bed. I heard Mom throw my diaper away and she left my room. It felt different being in one diaper instead of two. It didn’t feel as thick and it felt thinner. Why did she even have to change me this early? I even leaked at night still when I wore one to bed so what difference would it have made if I leaked on my bed? I woke up later in the morning wet again. I went downstairs and got a bowl of cereal. Dad was gone again so I knew he was at work. I looked in the garage and saw the car was gone. Mom must have let him take it. Matthew who was already up gave me some bad news. “Christopher is coming back over and this time don’t be mean to him,” he said. “Great,” I said. “Why can’t you just go to his house?” I said. “Because we want to play here,” said Matthew. I started to panic inside. I didn’t want my family cursed again. Mom who was in the family room got up and decided to check my diaper again before I started eating. “I always change after breakfast on weekends,” I said. “Not anymore,” said Mom. “I am in charge now and I say I better change you now before you leak.” I growled. “Come on,” said Mom. She held her hand out and I took it and she led me upstairs to my room. She told me to pull my pants down. She then looked at my wet diaper and decided I needed to be changed. “Lie down,” said Mom. I lied down. Mom got a clean diaper out of my closet and set it on the floor next to me. She got down on her knees and started changing me. “Mom, when you used to change me, it was never this hard,” I said. “That is because you got used to changing your own and you weren’t changing them when you should have so I am doing it again and you are realizing how much easier it is to do it on your own. How come you are able to change at school before they leak but you can’t do it at home?” “I don’t know,” I said. “Well I am doing it now and you don’t have to worry about leaks ever again,” said Mom. “Oh shoot, I forgot the wipes.” She got up and grabbed some from my closet and opened it and cleaned me up with a wipe. Then she put a clean diaper under me and taped it shut. Then she rolled my wet diaper up as I stood up and left my room. I went back downstairs and finally had my breakfast. Yes I still had my pants in case you were wondering. “I am so glad I don’t have to leave the kitchen before I eat,” said Matthew as he was still eating. “Shut up,” I yelled. “Make me,” he said. I tossed my breakfast at him and he had milk and cereal all over him. His mouth opened. Mom came in the kitchen. “Matthew, what happened?” she asked. “She threw it on me,” he pointed. “He was making fun of me,” I said. “I was not. I only said I was so glad I don’t have to leave the kitchen before eating.” “You were making fun of me and I told you to shut up and you said make me so I did,” I said. “Matthew clean up when you are done and Natalie, clean up the mess when he changes,” said Mom. I had to pour myself another bowl of cereal and pour more milk in it and I sat down and ate. Matthew left me alone and didn’t bother me again. Then Kelly came down. I saw her get out some pancake mix and a mixing bowl and a measuring cup. “Is anyone going to say ‘good morning’ to me like normal?” “Good morning,” I said. “Morning,” said Mom. “Why is it we never say good morning?” said Kelly. I shrugged. Matthew shrugged. “I wish you would say good morning when someone gets up,” said Kelly. “Why?” I asked. “Because it’s what you’re supposed to do.” “Why?” I asked. “It’s part of the rules.” “What rules?” I asked. “Uh social rules.” “I thought it was a choice people do,” I said. “It’s not. It’s a social rule people do and we never follow them.” “So,” said Matthew. “It’s what makes us weird and look rude.” “How?” I asked. “Because you guys act like you don’t care and only care about yourselves.” “How so?” I asked. “Augh, too many questions,” said Kelly. “Everyone else is weird,” said Matthew. “Hey why do you have milk and cereal all over you?” Kelly asked. “Natalie threw it on me.” “And you guys always leave without telling anyone good bye,” said Kelly. “So,” I said. “You just tell someone you are leaving and leave. They will tell others you left so why tell every single person? That will take you longer to leave.” “We have left saying good bye, why are you lying?’ Matthew asked. “I’m not. I see everyone else telling everyone good bye but we will either leave or say good bye to at least one person and then we’re out while Dad is saying good bye to more people and so am I while you Natalie, and Mom all just leave without saying bye unless someone sees you leaving.” “Last time I said good bye to everyone, I was told I acted like a second grader,” I said. “That’s because you’re immature,” said Kelly. “You’re weird,” I said back. Matthew finally finished his cereal and he left his seat and went upstairs to change. I cleaned up my mess that splattered on the table and floor. Kelly cooked her pancakes after making herself a batch. I went upstairs and took my odor pill. I poured them all out on the floor to see how many I had left. I put them back in the bottle and closed the cap. I wondered when that Chris Boy was coming over. I had to get prepared. I went back downstairs and asked Matthew when his friend was coming over. “Why?” he asked as he was playing in the den. “So I can get prepared,” I said. “At one and he will be here until six,” he replied. I left and went back upstairs. I had three hours. What was I going to do with him here? I would have to be locked in my own room until he leaves. I was deciding I didn’t want him touching my stuff so I decided before one comes, I would bring the Nintendo 64 and my game into my bedroom and lock it in here. What other stuff of mine did I not want him touching? I liked my plan. I played a little bit of video games and then did the computer in Kelly’s room. Then Mom came back in and checked my diaper again. She did it right in front of Kelly and I didn’t care. But she just giggled and I frowned at her. “Mom do you have to check her in front of me?” Kelly asked. “I don’t know,” said Mom as she was feeling the outside of my diaper. “Why do you have to do it in here?” “Because she is in here and I need to check her?” “Can you do it somewhere else?” “Why?” “Because I don’t need to see it.” “So don’t look,” said Mom. “This is my room, I shouldn’t be forced to look away in my own bedroom. She doesn’t live here anymore” Mom kept checking me. “Mom,” Kelly said again. Mom ignored her. “Gee Natalie if you would stop being so lazy and start changing your own diapers without them leaking, none of this would be happening and I wouldn’t be stuck seeing this,” Kelly told me. “It’s not my fault she wants to do it in here,” I said. “Yes it is, start changing yourself and she won’t keep checking you and our dinner will stop being delayed.” “Kelly, give your sister a break, it’s not her fault she couldn’t handle all this,” Mom said. “She’s fifteen, what kind of fifteen year old can’t handle changing their own diapers?” Mom and her bickered and then they were just saying the same things they have already said so they were repeating themselves. Mom was taking forever checking me and I asked her if she was done yet but Mom kept her grip on me when I would try to walk away. “Mom you already checked me, hurry up,” I said in a frustrated tone. “Kelly you are distracting me, please stop or this will take me longer to check your sister,” said Mom. Kelly sighed and rolled her eyes. Mom checked me some more and pulled my pants down and then decided it could wait longer and let me back on the computer again. I pulled them back up and sat back down. “Thanks a lot Natalie, you have turned my room into a diaper checking station,” said Kelly. “Be mad at Mom, not me,” I said. “You should have made her take you to your room and check you.” Then Kelly left her room. I kept looking on the internet. Kelly came back in the bedroom not too long later. I just browsed the Diaper Story’s board and read stories there and then checked out the Incontinent support Board. I didn’t feel like posting on it so I just read. Then I started looking for other adult baby sites. I found a place called Wetset but lot of the posts there were all boring. None of them were stories. I just found other sites that had pictures of people wearing diapers. I also paid attention to the time on Kelly’s clock. Then I went to Shockwave and did a Jigsaw puzzle and I was logged on instant messenger to talk to my friends. I talked to a user named Tazmania85. Tazmania85: Hi Incontinent Natalie: hi Tazmania85: What’s up Incontinent Natalie: I am doing a jigsaw puzzle on shockwave Tazmania85: cool Tazmania85: so? Incontinent Natalie: what? Tazmania85: what are you doing this weekend Incontinent Natalie: computer, watch tv, play videogames Tazmania85: that’s it? Incontinent Natalie: yes Tazmania85: is that all you ever do? Incontinent Natalie: no Tazmania85: so why do them only then? Incontinent Natalie: it’s what I always do Tazmania85: y? Incontinent Natalie: because I like to, everyone does things they like Then I decided to talk about something else. Incontinent Natalie: my mom decided to start changing me again and she keeps checking my diapers and she woke me up when it was still dark out to change me instead of waiting. Tazmania85: oh Incontinent Natalie: she will also change me before dinner and make everyone else wait and today she checked me while I was on the computer and she took a long time and my sister got mad at me Tazmania85: maybe she is doing it to get you to start changing your own sooner Incontinent Natalie: why? Tazmania85: because she wants you to change sooner and not leak so she thinks if she makes it all be annoying for you, you will take better care of yourself. Parents always do that stuff to their kids Incontinent Natalie: how do you know? Tazmania85: tv Incontinent Natalie: I didn’t know shows had kids wearing diapers and having their parents change them Tazmania85: no I mean in other things, they always do those sort of things to teach their kid a lesson so they will start doing it Incontinent Natalie: Like what? Tazmania85: like in the brady bunch when bobby broke the vase and lied about it so the parents punished everyone else except him. they knew he did it but pretended they didn’t know so they punished all his brothers and sisters to make him feel guilty so he will confess and he did. Tazmania85: or the time in full house when the grownups got tired of their kids not saying thank you so they decide to play a game and they are the grownups and they are the kids and they make it real difficult for them and the kids are bothered by them never saying thank you. Then they realized they never told them thank you and it was all a lesson. Tazmania85: my own mother did it to me once too. one time I was always complaining about having to go to bed so she decided I didn’t have to go to bed anymore and I could when I wanted to until I am tired. so I would stay up late and I would be so tired in the morning and guess what? she still made me go to school and she still expected me to do my homework and stay focus in class and she didn’t seem to grasp I was tired and I wanted to sleep and she would tell me school is a place to learn, not sleep and I have homework and it’s due tomorrow so I can’t sleep. I sure learned my lesson about why I always had to go to bed at eight and have lights out at nine so I started going to bed when it was time instead of staying up. Incontinent Natalie: that sounds like something my own mom would do. she once sent me to school with bad breath and messy hair and I learned to pick up the pace after that Tazmania85: see? parents are so manipulative, you should watch malcolm in the middle, the mother sure knows how to get her boys to do things. It’s on every Sunday at eight thirty and Wednesdays at eight Incontinent Natalie: but that is when I always shower, at eight Tazmania85: so shower after or before I knew he was right but I never liked changing my shower time. I still didn’t think my mom was doing it to get me to change on my own. She told me I wasn’t ready to handle it and it was her mistake making me do it on my own. Soon, it got close to one and I got off and went in the master bedroom and unplugged my Nintendo 64 and grabbed all the cords and the controllers and my game and brought them to my room. I had no way of hooking it to the TV because it had no color outlets and there was no way I could plug the Super Nintendo thing into my Nintendo 64 system. It had no slot for it. I also grabbed my GoldenEye movie and put it in my room. I also opened the hall closet downstairs where we keep some games and toys and the vacuum and some rugs. I took my games and puzzles out and put them in my room I had when I was little. I took them upstairs to my room. I also went in the garage and grabbed my razor scooter and brought it inside. “That stays outside,” said Mom. “I am putting it in my room,” I said. “What do you need it in there for? You don’t ride it in the house.” “That boy is coming over and I don’t want him touching any of my stuff,” I said. Mom sighed. “Natalie.” “I am just going to lock myself in my room all afternoon long until he is gone,” I said. “Why are you acting this way?” “Because I don’t like him and I don’t want him touching my stuff, he curses this family and he is mean.” “What can he do to get you to like him?” Mom asked. “Not get mean to me if I ask him questions and not accuse me of bullying him,” I said. “I told you he doesn’t understand. You just need to be patient and not take it so personal.” “How could Matthew be his friend if that is how he treats people,” I said. “He needs someone who is understanding,” said Mom. “There are not many kids in his school who understand.” “He just needs to start listening when people correct his accusations and then he won’t get meanness,” I said. “I think it would be a good idea if you just stayed in your room while he is here,” said Mom. “I don’t like you acting this way.” “He already is cursing you and he isn’t even here yet,” I shouted. I stomped my feet all the way upstairs and I slammed my bedroom door and left my razor scooter on the floor. I locked my bedroom door. I started to peel more paper off my wall. I could see Mom had been working on it earlier for a little bit. Then I went in Matthew’s room and grabbed my Sega games and Matthew asked where I was taking them. “To my room so your mean friend can’t play them,” I said. “He isn’t mean,” he shouted. “Anyone who accuses me of doing things I am not doing and then not believe me are mean,” I said. “Get over it.” I walked over to him and kicked him and he kicked me back as I left. I went back in my bedroom and dropped my games on the floor and slammed my bedroom door again. I locked it. I did some peeling again and then I heard the doorbell ring. I heard someone answering it and then there was talking. I just stayed put. Soon there was a knock on my door. “What?” I shouted. “It’s just Mrs. Parson, Chris’s mom, I need to talk to you. Can you let me in?” I got up and put my robe on and opened my bedroom door. She walked in. “Hi,” she said as she shut my door. I wondered what she wanted to talk to me about. I folded my arms and waited. “Is there a place I can sit somewhere, oh I can sit in one of these if you don’t mind,” she grabbed the Fisher Price chair and sat on it. I went back to peeling the paper on my wall. “My son Chris has difficulty with interacting with other people and understanding their intentions. I heard he got you upset and it wasn’t his intent. He doesn’t understand when people are being mean to him and when they are not. It’s all confusing for him so it’s going to take lot of patience and to earn his trust for him to not get upset and think you are making fun of him. I am sure if you get to know him better and leave him some space, you will eventually start getting along with him. He rarely has any friends and it was so nice when he finally got a friend. Doing what you are doing now isn’t going to fix anything, it will just make your problems worse with him.” “How?” I asked. “Well you’re moving all you stuff in here and not sharing it so it’s going to make him think you don’t like him and are mean to him for no reason and he isn’t going to start trusting you soon if you keep doing this. Lot of kids don’t understand him so they also misunderstand him and think he is mean and rude and thinks he does things to annoy them but he doesn’t. We are trying to work with him so he can have better social skills and better coping and I am sure you have also made the same mistakes as him and were not aware of it.” “Why does it sound like he is whining when he talks?” I asked. “Because he doesn’t know how to change his tone and it stays the same, he also doesn’t do many facial expressions so it’s hard to tell when he is happy or mad or sad. Only way to tell is if he raises his voice or screams.” “Why does he have a teacher with him all the time?’ I asked. “Because he needs extra help in class and the teacher cannot do it all on her own because she has other students to teach and when he gets upset, she is there to calm him down or remove him from class when he needs a break. He also needs help understanding what is going on around him and to transition between activities. We also stopped having him take the bus to school because he was getting too upset on it and other students were upsetting him and the bus driver didn’t understand him so we took him off and we take him to school ourselves or have a special ed bus come and get him.” “Well I am already afraid of him,” I said. “Oh don’t be, he won’t bite. I hope you understand now. I have tried getting other kids to understand but I think they are too young because they still don’t seem to get it.” Mrs. Parson got up and left my room and shut my door. I continued peeling my wallpaper. I could see why now why he didn’t have any friends and why kids are mean to him, he is mean to them first so his mom and everyone else is trying to fix it. They even had to pull him off the bus. No wonder he had a teacher with him at all times. It’s to keep other kids protected from him. Maybe that is what she meant by he needs extra help in class. I wondered how he treated other kids in school. Maybe Matthew would know. Then Mom came in my room not too long later. “Let’s put your shelves together to keep you busy,” said Mom. “I am peeling the paper,” I said. “If we put them together, they will be out of the way,” said Mom. She had me come out to the garage with her. We carried the boxes upstairs to my room that had the pieces in them. Mom decided to start with my closet first. Mom opened one of the boxes but it was hard to remove the tape so she left and came back with a kitchen knife. She cut the tape and the box opened. They were just metal shelves and they came with pieces for us to screw in the walls. They also came with screws too. They also came with instructions. Mom took them out and looked at them. Then we just started to put it together. I was so glad the instructions were visual. “So what did Chris’s mom say to you?” Mom asked. “She told me he has a hard time with people and he has his teacher with him to protect other kids from him,” I said. “They are trying to fix him though.” “She said that?” Mom asked sounding shocked. “No that’s how I interpreted it,” I said. “What did she say? I am asking for her words, not yours.” “She said they are trying to working with him so he can be nicer to people,” I said. “They also took him off the bus to keep him away from other kids. She has tried explaining to other kids but they don’t understand and she said they don’t get it.” “What else did she say?” “I have to earn his trust and he won’t think I am being mean to him,” I said. “Anything else?” “I’m thinking.” I thought for a moment remembering what else she told me. “She said he doesn’t have any friends. Other kids think he annoys them on purpose and think he is rude. He has a teacher with him at all times because he needs extra help in class.” “Do you still hate him?” “I’m afraid of him,” I said. “He won’t bite,” said Mom. “That’s what she said too. I also found out why he sounds like he whines when he talks, he doesn’t know how to change his voice and he doesn’t have facial expressions so it’s hard to tell how he is feeling. Only way to know is when he screams and raises his voice.” “If he was really that bad, he wouldn’t be here,” said Mom. “Why?” I asked. “I don’t want any violent kids near me or my children.” “Yeah they might hurt us right?” I asked. “Right and break stuff. One of them choked you right there,” Mom pointed to a mark on my neck that is right under my chin. “Yeah you already told me how I got it,” I said. “Brian had to fight him off you and the mother got mad at me about it and she didn’t care if her son was hurting you so we never spoke again and I always sprayed him every time he was on our property and everyone thought I was mean.” “Why?” I asked. “You were protecting us.” “They were stupid. When you have a disability, people think it’s okay for you to be violent and no one is allowed to be a victim. They don’t care if other people are being hurt by you. They think people need to toughen up and deal with it.” “That’s stupid,” I said. “There are a lot of stupid people. But if that kid does any violent offense in this house or to any of you kids, he is gone and his mother knows that and so does him.” “Cool,” I said. I felt better. Now a part of me was hoping he will do it just so he will never come back. When we finished putting the shelves up, Mom checked my diaper again and changed me. Then after she was done, we grabbed another box and opened it. We worked on putting it together and it didn’t take long. Then Matthew came right in our room without his friend. “What do you want?” Mom asked. “I was looking for the Nintendo 64 but it’s in here,” he said. “I don’t want the boy touching my stuff,” I said. “Didn’t his mom get through to you?” Mom asked me. “I don’t know,” I said. “Gee she really is targeting my friend,” said Matthew. “I don’t care why she is doing it, I care she is doing it.” “Natalie, just let them play your game system,” said Mom. “He has his own, never mind, we’ll call her and ask if she will bring his over,” and Matthew shut the door. “When is this going to end?” Mom asked me. “When he is nice to me,” I said. “This stops right now,” Mom told me sharply. I started to scream and kick stuff in my room and I threw my stuffed animals across the room pretending I was throwing heavy stuff at the boy and knocking him off the ground. I had my hands curled into fists. Mom just left my bedroom closing the door saying she will wait until I am calmed down. Mom didn’t even care I was upset or what the boy was doing to me. Why was I the bad guy now? I didn’t want to be in this cursed house. I got dressed and packed my backpack with some extra diapers. I left my room and locked my door and went downstairs. I went into the hall closet and grabbed my coat. I didn’t know where Mom was so I got my shoes on and went out in the garage. I grabbed my bike and took it out the door and through the gate and got on and rode it down the driveway. I rode it out of the neighborhood and I didn’t care. I wanted to get away from the house. I knew I wasn’t supposed to leave the house or the neighborhood without telling Mom but I didn’t care. I was too mad to care and I didn’t care if I would get into trouble. I rode down the road to town. Cars had to drive around me as they passed by. When I got to town, I just stayed on my bike and rode on Main Street and then I turned onto another street and went to the library. I could read in there all day until it started to get dark. Then I will head on home before it gets too dark. I got off my bike and parked it and undid the chain thing. I had to try and remember the combination. I got it off and chained it around the bike and made sure I couldn’t get the bike of. Then I went inside. I went up to the second floor to the kids section and looked at chapter books seeing what they had. Bailey School Kids, Junie B Jones, Baby Sitters Club, Baby Sitters Little Sister, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Berenstain Bears, Pee Wee Scouts, Amber Brown, Animal Inn, Sweet valley Twins, Full House, and I saw some none series chapter books like Sixth Grade Can Really Kill You, The Really Popular Girl, Bug Off. I decided to read an American Girl book. I grabbed Changes for Molly and sat down and started to read. I felt much calmer being here. I took off my coat and backpack and set them aside. Then I heard some talking and I looked up and saw my old school mates. Tara, Amira, and one of my old soccer team mates Jessica. I covered my face with the book and kept on reading. I still heard them talk. I peeked over and saw them walking around to the back. I kept on reading. “Have you heard about Veronica yet?” I heard. “I hear she is still in the hospital.” “Yeah I heard one of them died.” “No way.” “Yes way.” “Broken bones…casts, bumps, bruises, brace,” I thought I heard. I wondered who died. “Will she end up like Natalie?” “That will be so sad.” “I will kill myself if I couldn’t control my body waste anymore.” “I will kill myself if I end up like Natalie.” “And if I have to be in pain.” I kept on reading and sniffing the book. “Does it smell good?” I looked up and there were those girls again. Jessica took one of the books off the rack and opened it and sniffed one of the pages. “It smells like a book.” “Let me smell that book you have,” said Tara. She grabbed it from me and sniffed it. “It doesn’t smell like anything.” Jessica grabbed it and sniffed it. “It smells like a book.” Amira grabbed it and sniffed it. “You’re right. Gee why are you smelling it? What does it smell like? Cherry pie?” I didn’t answer. “Our coach said you no longer go to our school,” said Jessica. “So does that mean you are going to be a drop out now?” Amira asked. “No,” I said. “But you don’t go to our school anymore,” said Amira. “Are you going to a different school now or being homeschooled?” “Different school,” I said. “Where?” “Vancouver.” “Vancouver, why all the way down there?” “My mom and dad found a school there for me,” I said. “Is it some special school or something?” Tara asked. “It’s for kids like me,” I said. “Do they all sniff books?” Amira asked. “No,” I said. “What do you all do there?” “Learn,” I said. “No I mean do they all act like you?” “No,” I said. “What’s it like there?” “We have easier books to read for English, when we do math, the teacher does the problem with us for all problems, when we do work sheets, they do it with us, and we have therapy classes there and PE is like elementary school PE,” I said. “That sound so gay,” said Tara. “I can’t believe they dumb down the work,” said Jessica. “At least I don’t get homework,” I said. “You don’t get homework there?” Tara asked. “Holy cow.” “Our school gives out too much homework,” said Jessica. “I want to be retarded like Natalie now,” said Tara. “Maybe if we all start acting like her, we will go there too,” said Amira. “Is it also a school for diaper tards?” Tara asked. “No, I am one of the two kids there that wears them,” I said. “They should keep all the diaper tards and all the freaks like you separated from the other kids, have a school for them to go to so they are not stinking up the class or making the chairs all wet and distracting anyone and annoying everyone.” “Looks like they already do do that,” said Amira. “It should be the law to put them there. My parents don’t agree with this whole inclusion thing. Your mom and dad should have just put you in sped class where you should have been before this whole inclusion thing came out and all the parents put their weird kids with the normal kids and annoy everyone. I will never put my kid with normal kids if they are weird. I would get them to act normal and grow up and not be like you, I would even get them out of diapers too. There are surgeries, medicine, kegal exercise, going to the bathroom more often, catheters, you don’t need diapers.” Then they all walked away and Jessica and Tara grabbed a book and started sniffing them. Amira started to hang her head down low and started to tap her hand on her shoulder. Jessica started to play with her hair and had her head lopsided. Tara just started to play with her ear and flapping her other arm. They all looked funny doing those things and then I realized they were trying to be me. That’s how weird I looked in public and I had to really really not do those things so I wouldn’t look funny. Amira also never gave my book back so I went after them. “Hey, are you going to give me my book?” I said. “What book?” Amira asked. “This book,” she said holding it up. “Yes,” I said. “It’s not yours, it’s the library’s.” “I was reading it,” I said. “You want it, you better get it,” she ran to the other side of the aisle and tossed the book at Tara. She caught it and held it up. “Come get it,” she said holding it up. I walked over to her but she ran off and gave it to Jessica. “Come here,” she said. “Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Come on, you can do it,” said Jessica. I walked over to her fast and she tossed it to Amira again. She dropped it and picked it up before I could get to her. I decided to pretend to be James Bond and my enemies had my important gadget from me. I ran after them but they kept handing the book to each other. “Come on you guys, give it back please,” I said. “We’re not guys,” said Tara. “Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Jessica, here,” said Tara ignoring my question. She tossed the book to Jessica. I ran the other way trying to get it but I still missed. Finally I picked up a hard cover chapter book and tossed it at Tara who had the book again and it hit her in the face around her eye. “Ow,” she said. She grabbed her eye holding the book. “What did you do that for?” she yelled. I finally grabbed my book from her and said in their language, “Don’t mess with the retard.” Jessica and Amira were with Tara asking her what was wrong and where the book hit her. She said I got her in the eye and they looked at it. “Jesus Natalie, that was very mean,” said Jessica. I ignored her and got my stuff and hid in the restroom locking the door. I sat on the toilet and continued reading. Mission accomplished.
Soon there was a knock on the door. I got up and left the stall and unlocked the door. It was the librarian. “You cannot have this locked or else other customers won’t be able to use the restroom,” she said. “Sorry,” I said. “They can go downstairs right?” I said. “Yes but we can’t have this locked unless it’s out of order. This isn’t a single bathroom.” I also noticed she had her keys. I left the restroom hoping Tara, Jessica, and Amira were gone. I didn’t see them in the kids area and I was glad. I sat down and finished reading. Then I was done and I put the book away and looked around. I went to the first floor again and looked and I noticed the machines that allow you to look at old articles from magazines and newspapers. I saw where they kept the slides. I wondered if they had anything in the paper about the murder in my house. I looked at the labels. Teen, Parenting, Better Homes and Gardens, The Columbian, National Geographic and they all had years marked next to them. I looked at the ones for The Columbian from the 1980’s. I opened one of the drawers and looked at the labels and found one from 1984. I didn’t know what month it happened in so I would have to look through all the months. I decided to try one from January. I grabbed a few slides from that month and went over to the machine and tried to figure out how to turn it on. I had never used one before. I went over to the librarian and asked her how do I use one of those machines. She followed me over to them and showed me how. “If you need to print anything, it will cost you ten cents a copy,” she said. She left and I started to look at the paper. I slid it and had to keep adjusting the picture. Then I put in another slide and looked too. I didn’t see anything about murder yet. I am not sure how long I was here for. I had gotten out of my chair once and got more slides putting the other ones back. I looked at each article correctly and found nothing about murder. My mom did say the house was on the market for over a year before they bought it. Was it 1983 when it happened? No that couldn’t be, our house was built a year later after that. I used to think it was the same year I was born until my mom said it sat empty for over a year and Dad said the place was brand new when they bought it. When exactly was our home built? I would have to ask. Then I saw Tara, Jessica, and Amira again. They got near me and I did my best ignoring them. “What the?” she said. “What are you doing?” “Looking,” I said. “You look so strange you are sitting like this,” Amira sat down next to me and looked at the other machine and had her head down and her face looked funny like she was retarded or something. “That’s how you look to the rest of us,” she said. “Leave me alone,” I said. “Aw are we bothering you,” she said. She pat me on the shoulder but I pulled away. “Don’t,” I said. Then another hand touched me and I screamed “Quit it,” at Jessica. “I haven’t done anything to you so leave me alone,” I shouted. “Aw what’s wrong with touch,” said Amira. She touched me again and I pushed her. “Geez,” she said. “Hey, what’s this?” said Tara picking up my backpack. I got up and grabbed it from her. “Why do you have it with you, what’s in there, books?” “None of your business,” I yelled. “What’s going on?” the librarian asked. “These girls are harassing me,” I said. “No we’re not,” said Amira. “Yes you are, I told you to leave me alone and you won’t stop touching me,” I said. “Out,” the librarian pointed. “If you can’t follow the rules, you’re out.” “What? We weren’t even bothering her,” said Amira. “She was just over reacting,” said Tara. “Out out out,” said the librarian. “Or do I need to try and call your parents or ban you from here?” Tara, Amira, and Jessica left with her and they kept arguing they didn’t do anything and she didn’t believe them. They also said I was breaking the rules too and how come I am not being told to leave. The librarian never told me to leave too so I assumed she meant them, not me. I sat back down and went back to what I was doing. I kept looking. I also started slushing my diaper. I ignored it and kept looking. Then I looked at the clock and saw it was already five. Yipes, I better get home. It was about to get dark out. I put everything away and turned the machine off. More of the mess went in my diaper when I stood up. I felt for leaks and felt none. I only had this on for about three hours. I picked my stuff up and put my coat on and slung my backpack over my shoulder. I decided to check out some books so I went upstairs and went back to the kids section and grabbed some American Girl books and a Baby Sitters Little Sister book and brought them to the checkout. I handed them to the librarian. I could see it was already getting dark. Yipes I bet Mom was real worried about me and will be mad when I get home. I didn’t want to ride my bike in the dark. I wondered if I should change but I was going home anyway and I didn’t want to clean up here when it was getting dark. “Checking these out?” she asked. “Yes,” I said. “Name.” “Glen and Anita Evans. Natalie.” The librarian looked and saw their names. “Natalie Evans,” she read. I looked at the computer monitor and saw a bunch of names on there and my parents and Brian’s name was listed under theirs and mine and Kelly’s and Matthew’s. Then she opened each book and put a due date stamp in it and scanned each book. “If anyone is harassing you here, let me know so you aren’t upsetting anyone,” she informed. She handed me the books. “Did you want a bag?” she asked. “No, I can use my backpack,” I said. I set it on the floor and opened it and put my books in there and zipped it and put it on and left. I noticed my bike got touched but it didn’t look damaged. I took the lock off and put it around the bar on my bike and got on and rode home. I decided to ride as fast as I can. I had to get home before it got too dark. Luckily it didn’t start to rain on me. Cars would drive around me when they got close. I made it to my neighborhood. I rode to my house and parked my bike in the garage. I felt thirsty. I went inside through the laundry room. “Who’s home?” Mom asked. “Me,” I said. “Natalie, where were you, I thought you were in your room?” Mom asked as I took my stuff off. “No, I was out,” I said. “Out where?” “I ran away and came back.” I hung my coat up in the closet. “Why?” “To get away from here,” I said as I closed the closet door. “And I thought you were in your room ignoring everyone,” said Mom. “Then we all thought you were sleeping.” “You didn’t even know I was gone? I even went to town,” I opened my backpack. “You left the neighborhood?” Mom asked. I showed her my books I got. “Yep and I got some books from the library,” I said. “You know you’re not supposed to go anywhere without telling me,” Mom said firmly. “I don’t care, I was mad at so I left,” I said. “Is that little rascal still here?” “Natalie, you will treat him with respect,” said Mom. “He has to earn it first,” I said. “Now where is the key to unlock my bedroom door?” “I think I will just let you leave it locked,” said Mom. “What?” I said. “Yes until you stop this nonsense.” “Okay I stopped,” I said. “Nice try.” “Mom, please just let me in my room where my stuff is,” I said. “Nope, maybe next time you will think.” “But all my diapers are in there.” “You have some in your bag and you have wipes in the bathroom and diapers there too.” “Backpack,” I said. “Let me check you,” said Mom. “Let me in my room first,” I said. Mom came over to me and she ran after me. “Let me in my room first and I will let you,” I said. “Natalia, stop this right now,” Mom shouted. “Make me,” I yelled. “Okay, no video games then for a week.” “No,” I said. “Then come here,” said Mom. I came over to her and she took me into the powder room and told me to pull my pants down. She checked me and noticed I pooped. “You do need changed,” she said. “Come to my room.” I went upstairs to her room. Mom came in after me with the tub of wipes. She also had one of my diapers with her. She locked the door and told me to lie down on the floor. I lied down and she pulled my pants off. She untapped my diaper and used the front to wipe my bottom and then she used wipes and cleaned me up. After she was done, she unfolded my clean diaper and put it under me and taped it on me. Then Mom grabbed my dirty diaper and didn’t bother rolling it up and she took it into the master bathroom and I heard her opening a drawer and then the sliding door and then the shower door and it sounded like she opened a plastic bag and threw it away in there. I thought it was strange she was putting it in there instead of in my room. Then I heard her close the shower again and the siding door. Then Mom came back out closing the bathroom door behind her. “Why did you throw it away in there?” I said. “Just because we’re in here and that was the closest,” said Mom. “Would you rather have carried your diaper out there for Chris to see?” “No,” I said. “Okay. I threw it away in there.” I already had my pants back and on. I had a glass of water and watched TV in Mom and Dad’s room. I heard Matthew and Chris a few times. Soon the doorbell rang and Mom answered it. I knew it was Mrs. Parson again and Mom only answers the door when she is expecting someone. I could hear Mrs. Parson talking and calling Chris’s name. Then I heard Dad come home. “Pizza pizza,” I heard Matthew yell. “Yep I told Mum I was going to be bringing some home so she wouldn’t have to cook,” said Dad. “Go get your brother and sister.” “Natty, Kelly, pizza,” Matthew shouted from downstairs. Then I heard Dad calling our names when he came upstairs. I got up and headed downstairs. Kelly came out of her room. “What pizza is it?” she asked. “Pepperoni, plain, sausages,” said Dad. “No, where from?” “Pizza Hut.” I went in the kitchen and there were two boxes of pizza and two bottles of two liter pops in a Safeway bag. Matthew was already in one of them putting three pieces on his plate. “You left your room finally,” he said. “You want some, there is plenty for you too,” Dad told Chris. “You want some too ma’am?” Dad asked Mrs. Parson. “No thank you,” she said. Chris looked at the pizzas and reached for the plain cheese one. Matthew was in Kelly’s way so she told him to move and he didn’t. “If you don’t move, I will kick your butt all the way to Pizza Hut,” said Kelly. Matthew finally moved. “I remember that meme in second grade,” said Kelly. “What’s a meme?” I asked. “Hard to explain.” “Why?” “Just is. Matthew do you know what a meme is?” “No,” he said. “Do you?” she asked Chris but he didn’t answer. I got a plate and grabbed two pieces, one with pepperoni and one with sausages. Matthew also opened one of the bottles of root beer and Kelly took it from him so he wouldn’t spill it. She poured it in a cup for him and handed it to him. Then she poured herself one and put the cap back on the bottle. I got a cup and poured myself some too half way. I am not much of a pop drinker because it always makes me sweat and the carbonation is too much. I always get an upset stomach and it makes me feel full faster. I don’t know how people can drink it so fast or a lot of it. It takes me days to finish a can. I could also never finish my pop in fast food restaurants or in sit downs. Matthew took his pizza to the table and he and Chris started to eat. I just sat at the end of the table and started eating. Mrs. Parson came in the kitchen. “Do you have any paper cups or plates?” “Why?” Mom asked. “So he can take his food and drink home.” “We can put his food in paper towels and we have so many plastic cups I don’t care if you ever return it,” said Dad. Dad went to the cupboard and reached on the top shelf for one of the stacks of plastic cups. We have so many of them from over the years from going to fairs or basketball games or other places that sold drinks in plastic cups we don’t use lot of them. Dad took one of the cups out and put the rest back and picked up Chris’s drink and poured it in there. Then he grabbed some paper towels and told him that is where he puts his pizza to take home. Mrs. Parson picked his pizza up and put it in the paper towels and wrapped it up. Chris still had the one he was eating in his hand. “Let’s get your Nintendo 64,” she told him. She went upstairs. I kept on eating. “Kids, do you all want to rent a movie?” Dad asked. “Yeah yeah yeah,” said Matthew. “I can rent video games again,” I said. “Glen,” said Anita. “Kill me if I crash,” he told her. “No!” Matthew yelled. “I am not going to crash,” said Dad. “Mom will go to jail if she did,” said Matthew. “It was just an expression.” “With kids that have shot guns, people take it seriously now,” said Kelly. “It’s not even an expression anymore.” “I will kick your butt all the way to Pizza hut,” I said. “Natalie,” said Dad. “What?” I asked. “She heard me saying it earlier,” said Kelly. “Kelly, don’t talk that way.” I wonder what is wrong with saying that. I also remember hearing it back in fifth grade and then it was in The Big Green. Maybe that is where kids got it from so they were saying it in school to each other. I can’t remember when I last heard someone say it. I can also remember Dad snapping at Kelly for saying it once at home during dinner. After I finished my pizza, I put my plate in the dishwasher and put the rest of my pop in the fridge and had a glass of water. Mom also had some pizza and Mrs. Parson and Chris already left. Dad had a piece and was done. I took my odor pill and I asked Mom if I can go back in my room now. “Why is she asking that?” Dad asked. “She locked herself out of her room,” said Mom. “Wait until I am done eating,” she told me. “Where is the key so I can unlock it,” said Dad. “I don’t know, I will find it when I am through.” “You can wait Natalie, it won’t kill you,” said Dad. “How did you lock yourself out of your room?” “I locked it and Mom wouldn’t let me back in,” I said. “Why didn’t you let her back in her room?” Dad asked Mom. “She still has a bad attitude towards Chris so I told her not until she stops her nonsense.” Dad sighed. “Natalie.” “He curses this whole family when he is here and before he comes over and it looks like this family is still cursed,” I shouted. “Natalie, stop or you won’t be allowed to rent anything.” I shut my mouth. After Mom was done eating, she looked for her key. I watched TV to pass time and she finally found the key and unlocked my door and told me it was open. “You kids ready to go?” Dad asked. “Yeah,” I shouted. I got up and went out to the car. Matthew came out too and so did Kelly. Mom didn’t come out. After Dad came out with his wallet and keys, Mom came out and told me she needed me. “Not again,” said Matthew. “Auuuugh,” said Kelly. “I am fine,” I told Mom. “No I need to check you before you leave.” “You changed me not too long ago,” I said. “Now or you don’t go.” I got out and Mom took me into the laundry room and checked me. Then she said I was fine and let me back out to the car. I got in and Kelly and Matthew were mad at me again. “Jesus Natalie, just start taking care of problem will you?” Kelly asked. “She slows everything down,” Mathew complained. “Kids, enough,” said Dad. “It’s not her fault she can’t handle it yet. Maybe soon she will.” “How hard is it to change a diaper every couple of hours,” said Kelly as Dad started the car. “Check the tire pressure on this car and tell me if you can remember to do it every day,” said Dad. “What?” Kelly asked. “That is just me making a point about how hard it is for your sister. Try checking the tires every day and see if you can remember.” “That’s like saying brush your teeth every day or shower every day and I do all those things and so does she so how is a diaper any different? I don’t even forget to change my pads.” “You don’t get your period all the time,” said Dad. “Incontinence is forever.” We left the neighborhood. “Luckily your mother put me on probation to drive,” said Dad. “How did she put you on probation?” Matthew asked. “Well if I crash again and drink and drive, she will never trust me again and that will be the end of my driving and maybe marriage. She is willing to just give up and toss this marriage out if I crash this car. She hates drunks but yet she has stayed married to me over the years. I must be special.” Dad laughed. “You were drinking before you two got married,” I said. “Yeah but that was before her own brother in law became a drunk and turned into a wife beater and then her own sister became a drunk and turned into a bad parent or before a drunk hit her and put you in the hospital and landed you in nappies. Mum and I used to get drunk together and then she quit doing it. But she never drank a whole bunch to get drunk and she is more social and outgoing when she is drunk and can actually look at people but we always did it alone without any kids around and we did it before we had Brian. It was illegal then for us to drink because the drinking law in California was twenty one but where I come from, it isn’t illegal to drink. You can buy alcohol at eighteen and drink under that age with a parent or guardian and you can also buy them beer too but you can’t give it to anyone under age five. “Whoa, kids drink that young?” I said. “Yes Natalie, laws are different there. They just aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to anyone under eighteen but a parent or guardian can buy their kids alcohol if they are under eighteen and under fifteen, kids can only drink in private with their parents or guardian. I grew up having some of it. I had my first drink when I was twelve.” I was shocked. Kids could drink. Then I remembered Dad let me sip his beer once when I was little and it tasted awful so I never tried it again and Kelly liked sipping it. I could remember Brian taking some sips too but he wasn’t allowed to have no more than a little glass. I could remember saying in school I tasted beer once and my little sister liked drinking it and so did my older brother and my parents never got in trouble. I guess because they knew Dad was from England. Here kids are not allowed to drink. “Your Mum thinks that is why I like it so much because I had it when I was young and my brain was still developing and that is why it’s twenty one here,” Dad continued. “But my parents never allowed me to have no more than once a week and I was fifteen when I got drunk for the first time with my girlfriend and my other friends and it felt so wonderful I wanted to do it again. We had no grownups around because one of my friend’s brothers bought us alcohol and brought it home to us and we all drank it and he was the only grown up around but he let us drink and I had a couple beers and I got drunk. Then my parents found out and I was banished from seeing my friends at their homes for a while. I was not allowed to drink unless they were with me and I broke that rule.” “What happened to you and your girlfriend?” I asked. “She had issues and she was verbally abusive towards me and then she broke up with me, we were only together for a month.” “Why did she break up?” “I don’t know, she just did.” “Why did she have issues?” “I think she may have had Bipolar. She would go from being fine to getting angry. She was very high maintenance I would never know what would set her off. I would say she was more work than your mother but I bet if she was on medication for her illness, she would have been functional and not get angry all of a sudden and start swearing at me and saying she hates me and wanting to break up. She said that a lot in our relationship and then finally she truly did break up with me and I thought it was one of her episodes again until she told me “No we really are broken up.” It took me about two days to realize she meant it and it wasn’t one of her things again.” “Why were you with her if she was so mean to you?” I asked. “I don’t know,” said Dad. “I was young and I think her parents finally sent her away because they got tired of her abuse. They probably sent her to get help because she was gone all of a sudden and I heard she went away but her family was still living there. Your mum was sent away when she nearly killed Uncle John and we had to keep you locked in your room whenever you would start abusing your little brother and sister but you weren’t violent enough for us to send you away. You weren’t threatening us with knives or scissors or choking anyone or causing anyone to go into ER or trying to burn down the house or threatening to. There are kids out there who are that nasty their parents are stupid to even keep them and they don’t even care for their other kids safety.” “Why?” I asked. “I guess because they love them so it’s hard to send your kid away when you love them so much, it’s like losing a child but you have to put your safety first and your other children. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions as a parent for your own safety and others and some are not willing to make that decision and how fair is that to everyone else?” “Not fair,” I guessed. “Exactly.” “Didn’t you send Brian away for doing drugs?” Kelly asked. “No that was for when he threatened to hurt himself so we sent him away for a few days and what kind of parents would we be if we ignored his threat and he actually followed through? But it sure taught him a lesson about threatening it.” “No, that just made him afraid to even talk about it so what if he really did do it and never told anyone he wanted to do it because he didn’t want to be sent away again?” I asked. “Well either way we got him help,” said Dad. We were in town and we headed to the video store. I certainly would never tell anyone I want to kill myself or feel like it because I don’t want to go to any hospital so I must keep it to myself. Luckily I am too chicken to even kill myself. I am afraid of death. How can someone get help if they are too afraid to get help because it will just get them locked away? But I guess just as long as I won’t kill myself, I am good. “I think it should be considered child abuse to keep dangerous kids at home,” I said. “I was thinking the same,” said Dad. “It should be child endangerment if they have other kids at home. Call CPS and have them remove the child for them and put them away for help.” “What’s CPS?” Matthew asked. “Child protective services,” Dad replied. “But you can already call the police if a kid is being abusive to their parents and you could hear it so they will come and arrest them and hopefully they will get the help they need instead of being locked away for life and sentenced but that only works if they are not too young.” We arrived at the video store and we got out and ran inside. I ran to the Nintendo 64 games and looked. I looked at all the games. I saw The World Is Not Enough and picked it up. It was the new James Bond game that just came out. I also saw Mario Party 2. I think that game is better than the first one. I picked it up too. I also saw Crusis’n Exotica. I picked it up and looked at it. I also picked up Donald Duck Goin’ Quackers and The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. “Natalie, you are not renting all those games,” said Dad. “I can’t make up my mind,” I said. Matthew was also looking the games. “Let’s see what you’ve got,” said Dad. He looked at what I had. “New James Bond I see, why not rent that,” said Dad. I decided on that game and had him take it and I put the others back. Matthew was looking at games I wasn’t interested in. Kelly looked at the movies and so did Dad. After everyone picked out what they wanted, we went to the counter and put our games and movies on the counter. The guy scanned them and put them in a bag and told Dad the total. He paid and we walked through the thing that beeps when people try and go through there with the games and movies without paying. Dad grabbed the bag and we went out to the car. “What do you say kids?” Dad asked. “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you,” said Matthew. “Thanks,” said Kelly. We headed home and I couldn’t wait to play my new game. When we got home, I took my game out of the bag and I saw what Matthew got. He got Duck Dodgers. I went upstairs to my room and got my Nintendo 64 and hooked it up in Mom and Dad’s room again but Mom stopped me. She told me to hook it up downstairs. I asked her why and she said she likes her personal space and she can’t have it with me or Matthew in here. I took the game system downstairs. Kelly was already going to watch her movie. “Great, I can’t even play my game,” I said. “Natalie, you can wait, the game isn’t due until Tuesday and you have all day tomorrow,” said Dad. But I still felt upset. I started to cry and saying how I hate how the Nintendo 64 has the color connectors instead of the old TV connectors like the other game systems. “Fine, she can play her game,” said Kelly as she turned her movie off. “This is what I mean Natalie that I have to live around your life and you get upset if anyone gets in your way of what you want to do.” “Now wait a minute,” said Dad. “Let me see the cords.” He looked at my Nintendo 64 and saw the connectors and then he went to the TV set and started looking. “They have color connectors here too, I will see if I can hook it up to the TV.” He went behind the TV and plugged it in and then he plugged in my gaming system. Then he told me to hand him my game. I handed him the new James Bond game and he put it in and turned it on. He turned channels and did input and the game showed up on screen. “Okay, now I can unhook the VCR and Kelly can hook it up in the playroom and watch her movie in there,” said Dad. Dad unplugged the VCR and disconnected it from the TV and handed it to Kelly. “Wow Dad, you’re my hero despite being an alcoholic,” said Kelly. “Maybe I am one,” said Dad. “You’re finally admitting it, yay,” I cheered and clapped. Kelly took the VCR into the den. I sat down and started to play. I noticed the graphics were a lot better than GoldenEye and it made them look horrible. The characters talked and there were still words on screen. GoldenEye only had words on screen. The game was more realistic and it was a pain because when he would load his gun, it showed him doing it while in GoldenEye it was a couple seconds and the gun would go down and go back up with full ammo again. I also took turns with Matthew playing it by letting him play after me and he helped me through the first level by telling me what to do what he would figure out before me. But what sucked is you needed a memory card to save. I also discovered you couldn’t jump over the ledge as a short cut or you would die if you were too high off the ground. I went into the stairwell and jumped over the railing and I died when I got to the bottom and I had to play the whole level over again. Even in Super Mario 64 you lose health when you fall too far or jump down too far and sometimes it takes all your health. I also decided to load my gun every time I am not shooting bad guys so I wouldn’t have to be loading it while I am shooting them and losing health. At least it didn’t take him long to switch guns. I also had to be careful to not shoot the good guys. Then it was time for my shower and I just let Matthew play. I also diapered myself after the shower. I didn’t need Mom to do it and I was so glad she didn’t interrupt me during game play. I also saw Dad carrying a paper sack in his arm up the stairs. “What’s in that bag?” I asked. “Just things I got for your mother on the way home from work and it’s personal stuff,” said Dad. “Why personal?” I asked. “It just is and it’s private between us.” “Why is it private?” I asked. “Natalie, please don’t badger me with questions again, the stuff in this bag are personal and she wants to be private about it. If she wants to tell you, she will and I have to respect her wishes and not tell you.” Then Dad called for Mom and he shut the master bedroom door when he got in there. I went downstairs and got back to playing The World Is Not Enough. Matthew and I played all evening long until we couldn’t get past the night level where James was supposed to stay with Elektra but instead he went out. We kept being spotted by someone and failing the mission we didn’t know how we were supposed to beat the level without getting caught. Then we played Duck Dodgers and you had to go around collecting atoms. In Super Mario 64, it’s stars. I actually liked the game. “What made you want to rent this game?” I asked. “It looked fun,” said Matthew. “This is like Super Mario.” “I was thinking the same,” I said. Then Kelly was done watching her movie and she came out of the den and saw Matthew playing. She grabbed the phone and went upstairs. I kept watching Matthew play and soon the phone started ringing. Then few minutes later I heard Dad yelling for Kelly and asking her did she just call at nine o clock at night? I wasn’t even nine yet. “Don’t call this late at night, her mother was very upset you called them this late,” Dad scolded. Then he said. “Just because you guys are still up doesn’t mean their parents want you calling this late at night….yeah I know it’s the weekend but not everyone wants people calling them this late at night especially on a weekend.….They’re just strange people then and maybe she was sleeping and she got pissed you woke her up…Maybe she isn’t feeling well so she went to bed and you woke her up so she got upset or maybe she has to get up for church.” I wondered why Kelly would call this late at night. Dad came downstairs with the phone. “What happened?” I asked. “Kelly called one of her friends and her mom got upset and called us back and I apologized about it and said I would talk to her about it and I did. You don’t call people late at night.” “Why did she call at this time?” I asked. “She wanted to talk and thought her friend would still be up but her parents didn’t approve.” Dad put the phone back on the thing for it to stay charged. Kelly is so silly. She did another blonde thing. Matthew played until he got tired and then he handed me the controller and wanted me to play my own file so I did. I played until I also got too tired and it was past midnight. I turned the game off and went upstairs and brushed my teeth and went in my room. I forgot about all my stuff being in here. I would move it tomorrow.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 22, 2013 5:01:12 GMT
Chapter 18 In the middle of the night, I heard noise. I heard someone walking by my door and down the stairs and heard them go out in the garage. I also thought I heard someone in the kitchen and other sounds. I got out of bed and went downstairs. All the lights were off. I was still tired but I was too curious to see who was up at this time of night. Then I heard someone go outside. I opened the patio door and peeked out. I thought I heard another sound. “Hello?” I called. I heard no response. I closed the door again. I also looked in the garage and our van was still here. I decided to get my shoes on. I went in the hall closet and turned on the light and got a pair of my shoes and put them on. I went outside and I walked around the yard. I could feel the grass being wet because I could feel the water splashing on to my bare skin from the grass by walking on it. It was chilly out here and I didn’t have a coat on. I folded my arms to keep warm. Then I thought I saw a shadow. “Hello?” I called. The shadow ran faster and I ran after it. I chased it up to the house and “Dad?” I said. “Natalie,” said Dad. I also noticed he had a beer in his hand. “You’re drinking,” I said. “So, I came out here to relax.” “It’s cold out here,” I said. Dad had a coat on and his shoes. “You better get inside,” he said. “What are you doing out here” “I heard noises,” I said. “You and your good hearing,” he said. “But you still shouldn’t have come out here, I could have been some stranger who could hurt you.” “But I heard you go outside?” I said. “I could have been an intruder,” said Dad. “I heard you walk by my door,” I said. “I was awake.” “I could have still come inside and walked by your door.” “I can’t believe you’re drinking still,” I said. “I thought you said you were going to quit.” “I said I was going to cut back on it.” “But how often are you drinking, you have to come out here to do it so it must be a lot,” I said. “Damn, why does it always have to be you catching me?” said Dad. “No one else in this family ever catches me. You also can’t even stay out of trouble.” “Why are you still drinking?” I asked. “I needed a beer so I went to town and bought some and every night I will come out here and drink a bottle because I can’t go without it or I feel like I am going to explode. This keeps me calm. I limit to one beer a night and I buy a six pack a week.” “How did you get some if Mom won’t let you drive, did you get it after work?” I asked. “I walked,” said Dad. “So that’s why you did that long walk,” I said. “Yes I needed beer and your mum would have gotten suspicious if I took the car and came back so I walked and she suspected nothing except getting mad at me for putting myself in danger.” “You really are an alcoholic if you can’t stop drinking,” I said. “It’s your damn mother,” he hissed. “She’s too much work and a lot to handle and I am tired of my life with her. I can’t have sex right, can’t even hug her or cuddle, can’t buy her flowers or clothes, we can never do things together like normal and I can’t be spontaneous or even surprise her and she is so darn literal and inflexible and always has to be in control and be in the right. I was dumb enough to marry her but I was young and she won’t allow us to have an open marriage.” “What’s an open marriage?” I asked. “When you let your partner cheat on you and you’re fine with it.” “Why not divorce her?” I asked. “Don’t you remember the chat under the house? I can’t leave her or where would she go and what about you kids?” I had an idea but it would have to wait until day time. “I thought you loved her,” I said. “I do but she is too much and I envy other marriages people have. Why can’t I get it from your mother? She is so distant and acts like she doesn’t even care and how many people have to restrain their wives or have to be on top of them or have items thrown at them?” “You do it too,” I said. “Because she does it. At least she doesn’t attack me in my sleep or wait until I am home. I wish there was a pill to make her a real woman. Grandma Del is almost just as bad, behavior wise and socially, maybe worse when it comes to discipline and your mum got the hell out of there when she was eighteen and they didn’t get along for a real long time. Now you have caught me drinking again and Mum is going to be mad. I’ll buy you another game if you can keep quiet about all this.” “When?” I asked. “When I take the car next time or if Mum gives me probation again.” “Cool,” I said. “I will keep it a secret.” “Good. Now go back inside, it’s cold out here and you don’t have a coat on.” I walked away but then I asked “How long have you been sneaking out here now?” “This is my second night. I felt like I was going crazy without my beer so I went to town and bought some and if I can have a bottle every night or a few times a week, I will feel better.” I went inside and went back to bed.
Mom woke me up early again when it was still dark out. She was checking my diaper again. I stayed asleep trying to make it hard for her. Maybe she will stop checking me at night if I make it hard for her. But she poked her fingers inside my diaper and it made me flinch. She kept poking her finger in there and I kept flinching. Then she left me alone but I heard her go in my closet and getting out a diaper. Then she pulled up my night shirt and started to undo my diapers. She pushed me aside and pulled the diapers away. I was hoping I wouldn’t leak on my bed. I heard Mom unfold the diaper and put it down and pushed my body back on top of it. She cleaned me up with a wipe and put the diaper on me. I was shivering the whole time. “I know you’re awake,” said Mom. She pulled my pajamas back down and put the covers back over me and she left my room closing the door. I felt my diaper and it was on tight. Mom does a good job putting them on me. I went back to sleep.
I got up in the morning. My diaper was wet again. I lied in bed for a few more minutes looking at my bed and bedroom. I was actually happy having my own room. I could tap my bed or move around without Kelly getting annoyed at me about it or rubbing my fingers on the wall. I could also make sounds if I wanted to without Kelly telling me to be quiet or when I hum. I tapped on my bed and wall and peeled the paper a little bit. Then I got out of bed and went downstairs. I was surprised Dad was here and Matthew was playing Duck Dodgers again. “Now I wish we got two Nintendo 64s,” I said. “Today is family day,” Dad told me. “What are we going to do today?” I asked. “I don’t know yet,” he said. “It better not be going out again,” said Matthew. Dad sighed. “If we do, we do. You know on my days off we sometimes go out.” Dad was cooking some breakfast for the whole family. “Dad, if we do go out, will you buy me a video game?” I asked. Dad got close to me and said quietly. “We’ll see, I don’t want your mother seeing or she will wonder why I am buying you a game and then Kelly and Matthew will want one too and what would I tell them?” “You’re getting my sister a game?” Matthew shouted. “No,” said Dad. “You said you would,” I said. “Shhh,” Dad told me. “I have an idea but we’ll wait until after I am done cooking,” he said. “Why can’t you tell me now?” I asked. “Because I don’t want the food to burn.” “You can tell me now and the food won’t burn,” I said. “It’s just complicated so it’s easier if I show you,” said Dad. “Why’s it complicated?” I asked. “It just is, you will see.” I wondered what it was. I wondered if it was about video games. Dad was cooking waffles and eggs. I walked into the family room and Matthew was playing in some city. He walked into a building and words appeared on screen and he grabbed the boxing glove and started to do boxing with the other guy. “Why are you fighting him?’ I asked. “It’s to get an atom,” said Matthew. I noticed the red bar on the side showing what the guy’s health is. Matthew was trying to figure out how to box him and make his health go down. I found it all boring to watch. I wonder if Funcoland will have any tips to tell you how to beat him. Dad finished cooking and told us he had eggs and waffles ready. I noticed Matthew had a bowl of Fruit Loops in a bowl on the floor next to him. I saw him jump out of the boxing pen and he grabbed a Fruit Loop and put it in his mouth and jumped back in the pen. Then he finally figured it out. Then he paused the game and got up. “Where are you going?” I asked. “Potty,” he said. He closed the powder room door. Then he came back out with the toilet flushing. He sat back down and unpaused the game. “Do you ever hate getting up to use the bathroom?” I asked. “Sometimes, why?” he asked. “Because some people don’t like getting up to use the potty and our mom said you used to go out in our yard when you were little because you didn’t want to come all the way inside to go.” “So, I just hold it,” he said. “Do you ever wish you could pee in a beer bottle or pee in something or wear a diaper?” I asked. “Natalie, don’t give him any ideas,” Dad scolded. “Ew, a diaper, no way,” said Matthew. “How about peeing out your window?” I asked. “Natalia,” Dad shouted. “Enough. Food is on the plate if you are hungry.” I got up and went to the kitchen. My diaper was sagging and it was uncomfortable and it was making noise as I walked. I noticed Mom walked in the kitchen and she had her robe on. “Good morning Hun, you’re up,” said Dad. “I cooked some breakfast.” I put a waffle on my plate and picked up the syrup Dad had out. I put some on the waffle and I put some eggs on my plate. “Okay Natalie, let’s check you first,” said Mom. She walked over to me and lifted up my pajamas. “No not here Nita, not around food,” said Dad. “Do it in the other room.” “Okay, let’s go to the family room,” said Mom. I left my plate on the counter and Mom and I went in the family room and she checked me in there. “You’re wet again,” she said. “It also looks uncomfortable on you.” “It is,” I said. “Why didn’t you change it?” Mom asked. “Because you’re doing it now,” I said. “You can still change yourself if you need it,” said Mom. “So you have a choice, I can change it now or you.” “Me,” I said. “Okay, go change.” “I will after breakfast,” I said. “No, now or you will leak,” said Mom. “I will just eat standing,” I said. “You leak on the floor, you clean it up,” said Mom. I went back in the kitchen and ate my food. I felt my diaper getting warm again and more uncomfortable. It felt like a big one. I kept on eating while my diaper was getting filled.
After I was done eating, Dad opened the dishwasher for me to put my plate in. “Rinse it off first,” he said. I rinsed it off and stuck it in the dishwasher. “So what idea did you have Dad?” I asked. “Come with me,” he said. I followed him upstairs. “Wait in your room for a minute,” said Dad. I went in my room and waited. Dad came in not too long later with two items. “I bought these yesterday on the way home from work and I thought maybe you would like to try them.” He showed me and it was a cloth diaper in my size. “Why did you buy it?” I asked. “It saves money and I am going to have to pay a fine anyway and pay court costs and pay for the damage so we might have to cut back and cloth will save us money,” said Dad. “I don’t want to wear them to school,” I said. “You won’t have to, it will only be for at home,” said Dad. “This will be my reason for getting you that game I promised.” “So I have to wear it just to get the game?” I asked. “It will be my excuse if they ask why I am buying you one and not them.” Then Dad showed me the other item. “These goes over the diaper to keep your pants dry,” he said. I looked at it and they were rubber pants. “I am going to have to wash the diaper first so it will absorb more,” said Dad. He opened the package and took it out. It was a huge diaper with snaps on it and it had elastic in the waist. “I bought two so you can make it thicker,” said Dad. “Where did you buy these?” I asked. “At a medical store in Vancouver. They were selling adult cloth diapers there and plastic pants so I picked up a couple. They’re expensive but worth it because it saves money down the road and you are paying way more than that with disposables. So do you want to try them or not?” Dad asked. I shrugged. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing cloth. I was afraid it would be uncomfortable and not absorbent. “Let me know,” said Dad. “I don’t know how I am going to get you that game if Mum won’t allow me to drive.” He left my room with the diaper and plastic pants. I took off my pajamas and took my diaper off. It was very wet from the pee and the whole middle was flooded with fresh pee. I opened my diaper pail and saw Mom never threw my diaper away in there. I wonder what she did with it. I put my diaper in there and closed it and got out a clean diaper. I wiped my bottom with a wipe and unfolded the diaper and put it on. I got dressed and went downstairs. I watched Matthew play some more and then I asked him when he was going to be through. “I don’t know,” he said. “Matthew, I think you have been playing long enough, let your sister have a turn,” said Dad. He was cleaning up the kitchen. “I gotta save first,” said Matthew. “So save it.” “I can’t.” “Why not?” “Because I have to finish this part of the level before it lets me save.” “Okay, after you save, let her play.” I watched Matthew play and he was going through some building and it looked like a gallery. I also noticed some red lights that set off the alarm and Matthew touched one of them and it stunned him costing him his health. I also noticed the enemies and he wasn’t even killing them. “Why aren’t you killing them?” I asked. “Because I can’t. “ “Why not?” “The game won’t let me.” Matthew rushed through the halls ignoring the blue stars and then he went into a huge room. Daffy Duck saw the blue diamond and rushed over to it and then the floor collapsed and the alarm went off and now he had to jump over the gaps to the floors that didn’t fall. He never fell down and he saw an atom in the corner and got it and left the room. Then it let him save. “My turn,” I said. Matthew turned the game off and put the controller down leaving his cereal on the floor. “Matthew, put your cereal away,” said Mom. Matthew picked his bowl up and he took it with him. I put my game in and turned it on and played The World Is Not Enough. I had to play all the levels over again because I didn’t have a memory card. I played all the four levels again and then I was on the ski level. It’s one of my favorite levels. I love to ski down the hill and shoot bad guys but I have to shoot some cans for them to explode to complete a mission or I fail if I don’t blow them up. After I completed the level, I was on the Night watch level again. I tried to do it but I kept accidentally alerting Gabor. How the hell do I kill anyone without getting caught? No matter what I did, I seemed to keep getting caught nonetheless. I didn’t know where I was supposed to go. I gave up and tried multiplayer. I was glad the game let me do multiplayer because in GoldenEye you can only do it if you have another controller plugged in but in this game, you could do up to four players and computer controls them. I picked a character and other characters for COM but it wouldn’t let me select a level unless I picked different characters for COM. Then I selected a level and started playing. I discovered I kept getting killed and it was impossible to kill my opponents. They would kill me before I could kill them. They would even start shooting at me before I could figure out where they were. After I got done with the game again, I played Duck Dodgers again. I finished the first level and beat the boss and was onto the city level. I was on another planet. I went looking for the atoms and I found them on the ledge of the buildings but I couldn’t figure out how to get up there. “I can’t believe you said that,” said Dad. “Said what?” I asked. “Nothing,” said Dad. “I am not going to repeat what your mother said or you will repeat it.” “Why?” I asked. “Because you always repeat things and I am not going to take chances.” I wondered what Mom said. I heard her say something to Dad but it was unclear. It must have been really bad if Dad has to keep it a secret. “Anita just calm down,” said Dad. I turned and looked and didn’t know what was going on. Mom was just sitting in a chair. I went back to playing. “You can walk Skippy, he needs one,” said Dad. “I’m not even dressed,” said Mom. “Get dressed and take him for a walk. It help calms you down.” “What’s wrong with Mom again?” I asked. “Just anxiety again because of not knowing what to expect ,” said Dad. “You know how anxious you get sometimes when you don’t know what is going to happen?” Dad sent Mom upstairs for her to get dressed. Now I was downstairs alone. I kept wandering around town and trying to figure out how to get on the ledges. I wonder if Matthew got them. I finally went inside a building and it was the gymnasium. I pounded on the button and started to shoot hoops. I had to shoot ten before time runs out to get an atom. I found it hard to make a basket. When time ran out, I left and trying boxing. I also couldn’t beat the buy so I left and wandered around town again. Finally Mom and Dad came back downstairs and Dad grabbed the leash and put Skippy on it and pushed Mom out the door with her coat. Then I heard him say “Finally, now I can have a little break.” I wonder what Mom was doing to make Dad want to ditch her. He just wanted her to take Skippy for a walk just to get her out of the house. Dad came in the family room with The Sunday Paper. He threw the plastic away and unfolded the paper. “What’s going on in the county,” he said. He sat down. “Why did you want to get rid of Mom?” I asked. “Even husbands need a break from their wives,” said Dad. “I have a funny feeling this isn’t going to be a good family day.” “Why?” I asked. “I just do. You better get dressed and get changed.” “What are we going to do today?” I asked. “I am thinking we all go to the mall and then buy a special dessert.” “What mall and what dessert?” I asked. “We can evade sales tax and go down to a mall in Portland. Did you know it’s illegal to do that but we do it anyway? It’s a crime you can get away with.” “Why?” “Because they don’t want any Washingtonians going down there to buy stuff just to avoid paying sales taxes and then the stores up here don’t make their money but we do it anyway sometimes. Buy furniture, house stuff, school shop but unfortunately you can’t avoid it with buying a car because they still make you pay sales tax up here when you insure it and get it licensed and the Oregonians still have to pay income tax if they get a job up here but they don’t have to pay sales tax.” “Why?” “Because they don’t have sales tax so our state exempts sales free tax states so people from there wouldn’t have to pay it but they still have to pay it for food and lodging.” “I wonder what people are called in other states.” I asked. “Montanans, Californians, Alaskans, Idahoans, Hawaiians, Wisconsins, New Yorkans, Floridians, Arizonians, Illinoisans, Indianans, New Mexicans, Utahans, uh North Dakotans, South Dakotans, Nevadans, West Virginians, Virginians, Pennsylvanians, Illinoisans, Kentuckians, Iowans, Georgians, Texans, Mississippians, Louisianans, North Carolinians, South Carolinians, uh what else?” “What are people in Maine called?” I asked. “Uh Mainans.” “People in Vermont?” “Vermons.” “People in New Hampshire?” “New Hampshires.” “You sure know all the nicknames,” I said. “I’m just making it up.” “What? Why?” “I don’t know what they are called but I do know people are called Californians and people in Montana are called Montanans.” “What are people in England called?” I asked. “Brits.” “So you’re a Brit,” I said. “Not anymore, I’m a Washingtonian now. We used to be Californians, and then we were Oregonians and now we’re Washingtonians.” Then we heard the front door open and Kelly came back from church and Dad told her it was family day so don’t go anywhere else. I was already inside the museum trying to find an atom but the security guys were going after me and trying to kill me. I tried shooting at them to get them to leave me alone but I kept missing. “Where’s Mom?” Kelly asked. “She went for a walk and when she comes back, we are doing family time. Get changed if you don’t want to wear that.” “Where are we going?” “Just look around, bring your money and tell Matthew to bring his too and tell him to get dressed. I am also thinking getting a special dessert from the store.” Kelly was wearing a nice dress and she looked like she had make up on. She has bought some with her own money and Mom thinks she is too young for it but she bought it anyway after she had told her no makeup. I have never worn it except a few times and it’s uncomfortable and it itches and lip stick makes my lips itch too and it gets on my hands when I scratch there. How can women stand it? They all say you get used to it. Mom never wears it either and it must be a hassle to have to put it on every time. “Hey get that makeup off,” said Dad. “Mom will kill you when she sees you have it on.” Kelly sighed. “Oh-kay.” She then went upstairs. I died in the game and I came back to life and had to walk through the museum again. I hate these stupid guards. Soon, Mom came back and decided it was time to check me again. I sighed and stood up. Mom pulled my pants down and checked my diaper. “You’re wet again,” she said. “You sure pee a lot.” Then she decided my diaper could hold longer and let me pull my pants back up. I was only wet in the middle. I went back to playing.
Soon we were all leaving and Matthew was throwing a fit again about us going. Dad scolded him to stop and Mom didn’t say anything. Instead she told me “I need to check you Natalie.” “Not again,” said Kelly. “Hey!” said Dad. Mom and I went back inside and she checked me in the laundry room and was glad I changed. Of course I did, I was getting dressed and my diaper was wet and we were going somewhere. I went out to the car with my backpack and Game Boy. I got in the van and sat down and put my seat belt on. Mom got in and sighed and Dad got in. “Okay, we’re ready to go, everyone has gone to the bathroom, changed their diapers, have their money,” said Dad. No one said anything. “Anyone?” Dad asked. Still no answer. “Okay, I assume we did all of that and I don’t want to stop. We are one third full, good.” Dad turned the car on and we left closing the garage door. I was expecting we were going to Portland but instead Dad got off at exit 30 and I saw we were going to the mall here instead because he was driving up to it after we got off the highway we turned onto after getting off the freeway. “I thought we were going to the mall in Portland,” I said. “I was thinking it, I never said we were going to do it,” said Dad. “You assumed.” I felt angry and upset like I was lied to. I know he said we were going down there to evade sales tax. “You said we were going to evade sales tax,” I cried. “It’s too long of a drive down there,” said Dad. “You work down there every day,” I said. “There are no traffic jams on Sundays.” “What did you tell her?” Mom asked him. “I just said we could go down to there to evade taxes and she must have thought I said we were going to do it,” said Dad. “Glenny,” said Mom. She shook her head and slapped it and said “Now we are going to have a grumpy Natalie.” “I shouldn’t have said anything,” he said. “My mistake.” “We’re only 14 miles from the border,” said Mom. “Seventeen miles,” said Dad. “Don’t forget how many miles it takes to get to the freeway.” Dad pulled into the mall parking lot and parked the car. Matthew just sat and I got out with a pout on my face and Kelly got out sighing and Mom got out and folded her arms. “Matthew, come on,” said Dad. Matthew didn’t move. “Not again,” said Kelly. “Get out,” said Dad. Matthew didn’t move so he got in and pulled him out and Mom just stood and waited. Dad really had to pull him out and he closed the side door and pulled the handle to be sure it was locked. “Thanks for helping,” he told Mom. “No problem,” she said. “Very funny,” he said. “I want to go home and watch Jurassic Park,” Matthew cried. “You can do that when we get home,” said Dad. Matthew kept saying he wanted to watch the movie. We got to the entrance and we went inside. There were people in the mall and music playing. I was in a bad mood and I wasn’t having any fun. We all walked and I couldn’t wait until we leave. “The sales tax isn’t that expensive here and you don’t even buy high pricey items,” said Dad. “I hear it’s high,” said Kelly. “I hear some grownups say living here is expensive.” “Dad, since you live in Washington and you work in Oregon, do you still have to pay income tax?” I asked. “Yep I do,” he said. “What’s income tax?” Matthew asked. “It’s when they keep some of the money you make,” I said. “That’s sucks.” “It’s how we pay taxes,” said Dad. “It’s how the state pays to maintain the roads and all.” We kept walking around and Matthew complained he was hungry and Kelly said she was starving and she hadn’t eaten anything since seven thirty. I was too upset to even eat so I said I wasn’t hungry. “Okay, we’ll get something to eat,” said Dad. We went to the food court and I heard Dad telling Mom something. Matthew ran to the little kids tables and chairs and sat in one of them. “Matthew, we’re sitting at the big table,” said Dad. “I am not sitting in those little chairs.” “I want to eat here,” he said. “We’ll just sit here,” said Kelly sitting down at an empty big table. I saw Mom wandering away. Dad went after her and I saw Mom pull away and I heard him say “okay” and he came back to the table. “Where is she going?” I asked. “The water closet,” he said. That is Dad’s word for bathroom where he is from. “Okay what do you kids want to eat?” Dad asked again. He started to say the names of the places and I still didn’t want to eat. I just wanted to sit and mope and wait until we left. Dad left with Kelly and Matthew and he told me to stay and save our table. Mom came back while Dad, Kelly, and Matthew were getting food. Soon Kelly came back with her tray of food and Dad came back with McDonalds stuff. He put a kid’s meal in front of me telling me he got me that since I am not that hungry and I might be so eat something and I will realize it. Matthew had also gotten a kid’s meal too. I opened my bag and saw what toy I got. I opened it and played with it in my hand. Mom got some food too and Dad went with her leaving us kids at the table. Kelly started to eat while Matthew sipped his drink and ate his plain hamburger at the little table. Soon Mom and Dad came back. I just pushed my food aside. After Matthew got done eating, he ran to the kiddie coin operated rides leaving his garbage on the small table. Not too long later, an employee came by and cleared off the table for him and threw it away and wiped down the table. There was two small children running around who looked to be about six and seven. No parent was telling them to stop. Mom finished her food and she got up to throw it away and one of the kids bumped into her and Mom lost it. “Jesus, watch where you’re going, this isn’t a playground so you shouldn’t be running around in here,” she yelled. The girl started crying and then another woman scolded my mother. “Hey don’t yell at my kid,” she said. “Why not tell your kids next time to not run around?” said Mom. “They could run into someone or make them knock their food down or get someone very upset.” Then she walked away and then I heard her saying again to the woman after she said something. “My kids are right there and one is in college and on his own and the other one is over at the ride machines so don’t tell me I am childless,” she pointed to our table and at the coin operated rides. “I never let them run around.” Mom’s voice was loud and some people were looking at her. Dad got out of his chair and walked over to the mother and told Mom he will talk to her and told her to throw her stuff away. Mom walked to the garbage and threw her garbage out and put the tray on top. I saw Dad talking to the mother for a few minutes and Mom sat back down. Then Dad was done talking and he sat back down too. “Some parents just don’t control their children,” he said. Kelly and Dad finished eating and they tossed their trash out and Mom picked her purse up. Matthew had come back and wondered where his trash had gone. “Some worker came along and picked it up,” said Dad. “Natalie, don’t forget your food.” I took my happy meal and we left. We walked around and I was cranky and so was Matthew and Mom. Kelly was grumpy too. I wasn’t the only one who was irritable and in a bad mood. We looked in KB Toys and The Disney Store. I saw on screen a little trailer for 102 Dalmatians and it was just raining spots. “Surprise,” said Cruella when she popped up on screen. Then it showed the date Thanksgiving 2000. That’s next week. I wondered if it would be any good. I know the same people won’t be in it again except Glen Close. They also have the website up online and it’s doing a countdown till the movie release. I finished looking in the store and looked in KB Toys. I looked at the video games they had and I showed Dad them. “Maybe another time,” he said. “I don’t know what I will tell Mom and your brother and sister about why I am getting you a game.” We left and walked around some more and Kelly tried walking into the library they had there and Dad told her she didn’t need to go in there because we don’t even check out books here, too far of a drive. Kelly complained and said she just wanted to look. “We’ll go to the bookstore,” said Dad. We kept walking and Dad said “I knew this day wouldn’t turn out good, we should have all stayed home.” “No shit,” said Mom. I then saw Game Crazy and I ran in there. I started looking and I played a Nintendo 64 game they had on. It was Mario Kart 64. Matthew was also looking around and I didn’t know where Kelly and Mom went. I then saw Matthew picking out a game out and buying it. “Good thing I brought my money this time,” he said. “My sister gave it to me for what she owed because I let my other sister have the Nintendo 64 just so she could be alone in her room.” I looked at what game he got and it was a Nintendo 64 game. I wanted to see what it was and he showed me, it was South Park. “Mom and Dad don’t let us watch that,” I said. “It’s a game, not a show,” he said. “Matthew what did you get?’ Dad asked. Matthew showed him. “We do not allow this in our home, put it back.” “I just bought it.” “You bought this?” Dad asked. “Return it.” “They don’t allow returns,” said Matthew. Dad marched over to the counter and drummed his fingers on the glass counter top. Matthew got upset and complained about wasting his money. “You shouldn’t have bought the game, you knew we do not allow South Park,” said Dad. “That was the TV show.” “How specific do I need to get, South Park means no South Park,” Dad scolded. Then the worker came over to Dad and he started talking to him, not yelling, just talking. “Thanks a lot Natalie,” said Matthew. “What did I do?” I said. “If you wouldn’t have said anything out loud, dad wouldn’t have known.” “Hey,” Dad barked at Matthew. “I saw the game so she had nothing to do with this.” Fortunately the worker did refund Dad so he got his money back after all. “I am so sorry,” he said as he handed him back the money. Dad handed Matthew back his money. “When you pick out another game, I want to see it first before you buy it,” he told him. Matthew went back to looking. Then he started to play a game on the Super Nintendo and it was a second version of the game system. It was a lot smaller than the original one. I thought it was weird looking. I looked at what Nintendo 64 games they had. Lot of them were expensive and some cost under twenty. I saw another South Park game and it was $14.99 and it was marked with +tax on the price tag. I noticed lot of price tags had +tax on them. Why would they have them on there if everyone knows we all have to pay taxes when we buy them? I saw Mario Party cost $34.99 plus tax and Mario Party 2 cost $44.99 plus tax. Dad was still in the store standing and waiting for us. I ran over to him. “Can you get me a game now?” I asked quietly. “How am I going to explain to your brother why I am getting you a game?” he asked. “Uh I decided to try the cloth diapers,” I said quietly. “Really? Okay. You earned it then.” “Yay,” I clapped and jumped. Then I noticed a young guy looking at me. I hopped over to the game case and looked at the Nintendo 64 games again. I decided on Mario Party 2. “We need to get a game out of here,” Dad told the guy again who refunded him. The man opened it and asked us which one. “Mario Party 2,” I said. The guy took it out and set it on top of the counter. I wonder who would want to get rid of their new games. The place sold used games and new ones and not all games game with cases and instruction manuals. Lot of old games came with cartridges only. Matthew was so busy playing a video game, he paid no attention to what was going on. He kept his eyes glued to the screen. Dad and the cashier were talking. “How many kids do you have?” “Five,” said Dad. “My wife.” The man laughed. “I have only met women who say they have three children and mean their husbands. I have never met a man saying he has five children and mean his wife. So I suppose you are the feminine type?” “No she isn’t that competent so it feels like I have another child.” “Is she immature or irresponsible or what?” “No she just has problems with her emotions and freaks out in crowds and has a hard time with people so it keeps her from working, she doesn’t like change and she needs her routines, she has lot of sensory issues with touch, sound, and taste, she says things when she is upset and then has no memory of it, she isn’t good with expressing empathy and things are black and white for her and I have to make lists for her and I pay all the bills and manage money and only give her little of it or else she will spend it, she just stays home and takes care of the house and our kids and cooks us meals, all our kids have a hard time with her. I also have to calm her down when she gets upset or starts to freak out and she will attack me when she gets too upset and I have to hold her down and she has social issues and she does have immature emotions and displays childish behavior when excited or overwhelmed but she is pleasant to be around when she is calm and she is polite and nice and loyal and she loves all our kids.” “Sounds like you have a busy life,” said the guy. “It’s very busy,” said Dad. “I sometimes want to escape it and have a break. Go out of town alone and have a break from my family.” “Everyone needs a break.” Dad finished paying and Dad took the bag from the guy. Matthew never saw what was going on. Dad just stuck it in my backpack and zipped it up and told me to keep quiet about it. I felt happy I got another video game. I had to keep catching Dad to get more video games. I decided to turn it into a game. Since I have to pay the window off, I may not need any money after all, I just had to earn games by trying to catch Dad. I was hoping I would catch him do other things that are wrong I went back to playing Mario Kart. Soon Matthew was done playing and he was looking at the Nintendo 64 games again and Matthew ran and got Dad and showed him a game he wanted. I kept playing and paid no attention. I would turn and look at them and I saw them with the guy again. Soon I saw Matthew had bought something. “Natalie, you’re ready?” Dad asked. I paused the game and left. “What did Matthew get this time?” I asked. Dad handed me the bag and I opened it and saw it was Blast Corps. “Where’s Mom and Kelly?” I asked. “I think they went to the bookstore, let’s head there,” said Dad. Matthew started to run ahead. “Matthew, walk, don’t run,” Dad scolded. Matthew stopped running and walked fast instead. We got to the bookstore and went inside. Mom and Kelly were there. Kelly was just looking around and Mom was reading a book. Then she put it back and walked out of the store and stood outside of it. “Kelly,” Dad called. I went in the kids section and looked around. I looked at Baby Sitters Club Friends Forever books. I sniffed the pages in them and looked at the publication dates. I also noticed they had less and less baby Sitter Club books in the store and the Baby Sitters Little Sister books. I saw they had a bunch of Nancy Drew books. “Natalie, you’re ready,” Dad asked. “Why?” I asked. “You wanna leave?” “No, I want to look at books,” I said. I noticed the Disney books and they had a bunch of 102 Dalmatians books. I picked up the story book and decided to read it. I sniffed it and it smelled like a brand new book. I noticed it had one other original character in it from the movie and it was Alonzo. In the first one, he only had two parts. I finished reading it and Cruella had failed being good so she had to go back to prison. I wonder why people do a crime again after being released. My Dad says it’s because they think they won’t get caught this time and they try harder to not get caught. I think that is so stupid. Dad thinks some people should never be out of prison. At least some people never get out of prison. Dad called me again and I yelled at him “what?” “You ready yet?” “I’m reading,” I said. I started to get stressed out. Just when I am finally starting to get happy and have fun, I am already being rushed and not having fun again. I finished the book and put it back and looked at Thanksgiving books they had out. I read Clifford’s Thanksgiving Visit. Dad called me again not too long later and I felt rushed. I hate being rushed. I yelled at Dad again and I tossed the book . “Hey,” Dad yelled. “Pick that up right now, you will get kicked out of the store for this.” “I already am being kicked out,” I said. “No you’re not.” “Yes I am, you’re rushing me,” I said. “We’re all waiting for you,” said Dad. Oh everyone was waiting. I was making everyone board. I felt selfish for it. I picked the book up and rushed through reading. Then I put the book back and left. My whole family was standing outside the store. We walked again and Kelly looked in a few stores and then we left the mall. I was happy we left. I wasn’t having any fun and it was the worst day ever. “Okay, we will stop at Safeway and get some dessert,” said Dad. We got in the car and left. Dad was driving again. “Mom must have put you on probation again,” I said. I decided to just eat my food so I did. I didn’t even realize I was hungry until I started eating.
When we got back to Saltwater, we stopped at the store and got a few items we needed. We picked out a pie and Dad grabbed a can of sprayed whipping cream and Mom took out a container of ice cream as we walked by the frozen aisle. Dad also grabbed a pack of razors off the shelf in the health & beauty section. Then we headed to checkout. We went to the express lane and it was for eight items or less. But a lady there had a shopping cart filled with stuff and it was definitely more than eight items. I counted how many and it was seventeen items. “I thought this was for eight items or less?” I asked Dad. Mom saw the lady with her cart and told her. “Ma’am, excuse me, this check out is for eight items or less and you have too much so go to the other checkout lane.” The lady looked at her and said nothing. “Hey, this is for eight items or less only, get your stuff off the counter and go over there,” she pointed. “Anita, please,” said Dad. “It’s not that much more.” “No, this is for eight items or less,” said Mom. Mom told the cashier the lady has way more than eight items and asked why she is serving her. The cashier said the customer is always right so they have to serve them, their boss’s rules. “No they are not,” said Mom. “This is for eight items or less and she isn’t right if she is putting her stuff on the counter.” I saw people were looking at us. Kelly just walked away and I saw her heading towards the exit doors. Then Mom started to put the lady’s items back in the cart. “Excuse me,” said the lady firmly. “Eight items or less,” said Mom. “What don’t you understand about it?” “Anita, Anita,” said Dad grabbing her. But Mom kept grabbing the items and putting them back in the cart. “Hey,” said the lady. “Stop grabbing my stuff.” She took her items back out. “Miss,” said the cashier. Mom kept trying to put the items back in the cart saying, “Eight items or less, the sign says that.” Mom kept carrying on and shouting about items being eight or less and saying how the lady is breaking that rule and it’s not fair to other customers and whenever Dad tried to stop her, Mom would get loud and repeat herself again. Then Mom shouted looking at the ceiling. “Eight items or less, what is wrong with this store?” and she was crying. She had her hands in fists. “Get this crazy lady out of here,” said the lady. “Hey,” Dad barked at her. “Don’t talk that way about my wife.” Everyone was looking at us. Mom no longer looked normal. I also noticed Michael Scott with his mother and they were walking by with their cart and they also looked at us. Dad was no longer trying to stop Mom from taking items from the cart after the lady had called her crazy. “Why do people think rules don’t apply when the sign states eight items or less?” Mom yelled as she threw the items back in the cart. Matthew was just looking at the candy on the shelf and also organizing items on it. Dad was just standing there sighing and shaking his head. “What is she doing?” I heard Michael asking his mom. “Just Anita being Anita,” she said and they kept on walking. “Miss, calm down,” said the cashier. “Sorry,” Dad told her. “She has a hard time with people not following authority and it gets her very upset. The sign does say eight items or less and you should make your customers follow it so it’s not holding anyone up.” “I don’t make the rules and I am just following store policy, complain to the manager if you like,” said the cashier. “Eight items or less. Eight items or less,” said Mom tossing things back in the cart and the lady started to back away from her. She had some weird look on her face. Mom kept grabbing the food off the counter and the cashier picked up a phone and called someone. I couldn’t hear what she was saying because of the chaos. “Please come here, this is urgent,” I heard from the cashier. Then she hung up. “You know, I will just leave,” the lady called. “No, I will take her out,” said Dad. He took out his wallet and opened it. “Natalie, will you two pay for the items and here is my card.” He took it out and it was a Visa card from the Wellsfargo bank. “The pin number is,” he got in my face and said quietly. “Twenty four eighty five, that is two four eight five. It’s a four digit number. Twenty four eighty five is a way to remember it. Just those two numbers.” “Two four eight five,” I said. “Ssssh, not so loud,” said Dad. “Yes that is correct.” He handed the card to me. “Don’t lose it. This is all easy so you should be able to do it.” He then grabbed Mom. Mom tried to pull his arms off her so she started to grab at them and pinch at them but Dad held her hands. “Let’s go outside, come on,” he said. “Let go of me,” she cried. “Then come with me,” he said. “Eight items or less,” Mom cried. “Yes Anita, it’s eight items or less,” said Dad. “Some people just don’t think the rules apply to them and people don’t always enforce them which is the problem. How fun is life if you’re going to let people get you this upset for not following authority?” Mom still grabbed at the stuff on the counter and Dad finally picked her off the ground and put her over his back. I could tell he was really struggling to hold her weight and I was surprised he could still pick her up. He is taller than her and weighs more. “Glenny put me down,” Mom screamed. “You’re out of control and disturbing the customers here,” said Dad as he carried her away. Mom started swinging her arms and hitting him in the back with her hands as he carried her out. Dad carried her away as security showed up. I could hear Mom crying throughout the store screeching eight items or less and people were still staring. “Is that lady retarded or what?” I heard a guy ask behind us. I turned and looked. I gave him a look. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked. “People like her shouldn’t be in public,” the other guy said. I grabbed their cart and shoved it against their legs as hard as I could. “Whoa there take it easy,” the guy said. “Shut up about my mom,” I yelled. “That’s your mother, hold shit,” said the other guy. “I am so sorry.” “Wow, you have to live with her,” said the guy. I kept glaring at them. The security and the cashier were talking as she scanned the lady’s items. I finally put our items on the counter picking up the thing that separates peoples groceries. I felt mad at the guys and I wanted to beat them up and throw their food and rip their clothes. I also felt annoyed the lady didn’t follow the rule and the store allowing their customers to break that rule. Why make that rule if it’s not meant to be followed? After the cashier bagged all her groceries, the lady paid for her items and pushed the cart away. Then our turn came. The cashier took our items and scanned them and put them in the bag and told me the total. I handed her my dad’s card. She told me to slide it in the machine and pointed to it. I slid it in but she told me I had to turn the card around so I did. It wouldn’t read it and she told me to slide it in slower so I did. I still had trouble so she had to walk around and do it for me and then it went through this time. Then it said Enter PIN and it had numbers for me to hit. “Put in the pin,” said the cashier. I punched in four numbers Dad told me. Twenty four eighty five. Then she told me to press enter so I did. Then the receipt printed off and she stuck it in the bag and handed it to me. I took it remembering to thank her and left with Matthew. We went out to the car and Kelly was already there. We got in and Dad asked if I had his card and I said yes and he told me to hand it back to him so I did. Dad put it back in his wallet. Mom was still carrying on about the rule breaker and she was crying and hitting her head and rocking in her seat. Kelly was sitting with her head resting on her head against the window. “This is so humiliating,” said Kelly. Mom still carried on and Dad was trying to calm her down so we all just sat here bored. “Can we just go?” I said. “I’m bored.” “Not until your Mum is calm,” said Dad. “Why not just leave with her like this?” “Because I want her to calm down and I will not drive with her like this, it’s too distracting,” said Dad. Mom kept saying the same thing over and over about the lady having more than eight items and the cashier allowing it. “Anita, some people are just stupid they think rules don’t apply to them,” said Dad. “Maybe she didn’t see the sign and she was too embarrassed when you told her so she refused to leave,” said Kelly. “Maybe she can’t read,” said Matthew. “You hear that Anita, maybe the lady didn’t even look at the sign or she can’t even read,” said Dad. Mom was then calmer all of a sudden but she was still upset about it. “I can see myself acting like Mom if someone was trying to make me break that rule but I wouldn’t act that way if I saw someone else breaking it,” said Matthew. “Are we going to sit here now, the ice cream will melt if we don’t get home,” said Dad. “You can keep doing this when we get home but can you hold this off until we’re home?” When Mom was calm enough, Dad put the keys in the ignition and turned the car on. When we got home, Mom went upstairs to her room. I put the bag on the kitchen counter. Dad got his razors out of there and took them upstairs. “Worst family day out ever,” said Kelly. “It was that stupid lady’s fault,” I said. “No it was Mom’s. She just had to get all upset and carry on and make a big deal out of it. Why not just go to another checkout,” said Kelly. “She broke the rule,” I said. “So what, is it worth getting upset about it, people break rules all the time. Why let them ruin your day. I could get upset about kids not bringing their pencils to class and how fun would that if I was always choosing to get upset over kids not following that rule?” Then Dad came back down. “Hey why is the dessert still out?” he yelled. “You never told me to put it away,” I said. “This stuff needs to be refrigerated, do I need to tell you everything? When you come home with something refrigerated, put it in the fridge or freezer, I shouldn’t have to tell you to put it in there. You’re smarter than that.” Dad picked the pie and whipping cream up and put them in the fridge and slammed the door shut. He opened the freezer and slammed the ice cream in there too and closed the door. “What’s Mom doing now?” Kelly asked. “In our room still upset about all this.” “When is she ever going to stop getting so upset over people not following the rules and law?” “I don’t know,” said Dad. “She’s always been like this and twenty years later she still is.” “She humiliated me.” “It was hard for the rest of us too,” said Dad. “I would have taken all of us to another checkout but then Mum would have wondered why we weren’t using the express checkout and Natalie had to say something about it and she would have noticed it anyway. So nothing we could have done.” “Why even make a rule if it’s not meant to be followed?” I said. “It’s complicated,” said Dad. “How?” “It just is and I can’t explain it.” “Why?” “Because I don’t know why either. Why do we make rules and not make people follow them? That is something none of us could figure out together. Some people say they are just guidelines but that still doesn’t explain it. Some people say rules only exist if people enforce them and the store does not enforce that rule.” None of this still made sense. Why even make them if they are not meant to be followed? “Why even make them if they are not meant to be followed?” said Matthew. “Well put it this way, sometimes a rule is in place for specific reasons like with that express checkout lane, sometimes people will have a bunch of groceries because they have a big family and it takes them longer to go through it and other people are stuck behind them waiting, especially if they only have three items in their hand. Not everyone is nice enough to let them ahead of them so they make these checkout lanes for people with few items and they have to set a limit so people know how little items they need. They don’t want people using the fast lane and they have five hundred items in their cart or a hundred. But if someone has like twelve item and they go to the fast lane, they may not make a big deal out of it because twelve is still little,” Dad explained. “But why not make it twelve then or seventeen if they are going to let people have that many?” I said. “I don’t know,” said Dad. “I don’t know how to explain this. I know it’s confusing. What rules are meant to be followed and what rules are meant to be broken.” “But I always got in trouble for breaking the same rules as other kids and they always got away with it and I didn’t” I said. “I know,” said Dad. “It is unfair.” I remember how frustrating that was when I was a kid and it still is frustrating so I always fought and my school tried to say when I was in sixth grade I had some sort of disorder but another doctor said I didn’t have it. I don’t even know what disorder it was. They were just trying to say I had a problem but my problem was caused by them and the unfairness and by other students being allowed to misbehave and break rules and it would distract me and affect me. For years they were also saying I had a behavior problem and my mom and dad say I did not. Even Ms. Penny thought I had behavior problems and suggested I go to a school for kids with them. Then the doorbell rang. Dad went and answered it. I saw it was a cop at the door.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 27, 2013 22:11:53 GMT
Chapter 19
The officer was standing right there and I wondered what was going on. Was he here to arrest me or was this about Mom? “I am here to speak with Anita Evans and her daughter,” he said. “Look, I know she caused a disturbance but she didn’t hurt anyone and I got her out of there,” Dad started to say but the officer cut him off. “The investigation about the complaint you filed,” said the officer. “Oh, yeah, come on in,” said Dad. The officer stepped inside. “Will you mind taking off your shoes?” Dad asked. “Dirt makes me skittish.” The officer pulled his shoes off and walked down the hallway. “I am sorry this took us so long but we have been very busy and we are finally getting to this interview about the incident you reported about,” he said. “What is going on?” Kelly asked. “I am here for an interview,” the officer replied. “Why?” Matthew asked. “Because we are doing an investigation,” the officer replied. Then he asked my dad “Can I start with your daughter first?” “Be my pleasure,” said Dad. “Does it matter where I sit?” the officer asked. “No,” said Dad. The officer sat down in the family room in a chair. I sat down too. “Would you like anything to drink?” Dad asked. “No thank you, I am fine,” said the officer. Then he started to talk to me. “You’re Natalia right,” he said. “Yes,” I said. “I am David Stanford, the head of the Saltwater Police Department. I am here to do an interview about the incident your parents reported about and I need you to tell me what happened and answer all my questions. I will be recording all this so I have the recorder right here.” I saw the recorder he took out and he set it on the arm of the chair and turned it on. The interview began. “What day did the incident happen on?” “On a Friday when it was homecoming,” I said. “Do you remember what date?” “I am not sure,” I said. “It was on a Friday before Halloween.” “I got the calendar,” said Dad. He brought it to the family room and I looked at it and pointed to the date. “The twentieth,” said Dad. “Were there any witnesses?” he asked. “Yes.” “Who?” “I don’t know, I didn’t know them and I don’t know their names.” “What was happening when the incident happened?” “There was a parade and I was looking for my brother and everyone was leaving and I accidentally ran out in the street and some guy slammed on his breaks and yelled at me and I ran across the street and that is when the incident started.” “How did the officers treats you?” “They asked me questions and started yelling at me accusing me of not participating. They also grabbed me and arrested me for drinking.” “Do you know what questions they asked you?” I tried to think. “I think they asked me where I was and what I was doing, I don’t remember what they asked me.” “Anything else they did?” “They made fun of me and took me to the station and took my picture and did my fingerprints and searched me and my backpack and made fun of what was in there and they locked me in there.” “What was in your bag?” “Backpack, just stuff that was personal,” I said. “Do you know what was said to you?” I felt too shy to answer. I didn’t want to tell him about my medical problem. “Natalie, you need to tell him and be honest, not try and hide your problem, I know it’s embarrassing,” said Dad. I just started to cry. “Can I talk?” said Dad. “Sure,” said the officer. “She has incontinence and she is still embarrassed to talk about it. The officers made fun of her about it and laughed at her and left her in her soiled diaper,” said Dad. “My twenty one year old nephew wears them too and he has a mind of a three year old and he has epilepsy,” said the officer. “He still lives at home with his parents and he has a caregiver that comes. I know I would be very upset if I heard he was also treated that way and the fact he doesn’t talk so he can come off as a drunk or someone who is on drugs or someone who isn’t cooperating and I would also complain to the police department too if he was treated badly by and they ignored his condition and disability. But he wears a medical bracelet because he sometimes wanders off or gets loose from their home.” Great, another person who wears diapers but isn’t normal like me. It was just another handicapped person. I never hear about anyone else wearing them who isn’t handicapped or old. Also he wears a medical bracelet and I felt even more like a freak because I would be wearing one soon. Why can’t I be normal? Why couldn’t I be Kelly or Brian and have one of them be me? The officer didn’t even laugh about me wearing diapers so I felt more comfortable. He was acting like he didn’t care or like this was no big deal and as if it was normal to wear them. “Did any of the officers check you first?” “What do you mean?” I asked. “Like did they search you on the spot, give you a breathalyzer test, check your pupils.” “They only searched me at the station and my backpack,” I said. “Okay, anything else you want to add or say?” the officer asked me. “They kept me locked up in the cell and said I could leave if I cooperate and they still locked me up and they put another girl in the cell with me and she thought the smell came from the toilet. They also wouldn’t let me change.” Then something else popped in my head. “They also said it was disgusting because I messed myself and made fun of me about it and they didn’t like smelling it. They said they thought all of them were out of them by age three and said I was too drunk to even use the bathroom.” “Okay. I think we got everything. Thank you for your time,” said the officer. “Oh I forgot one more thing, do you know what part of town it happened at, the location, the street?” “It’s happened right next to the gas station across the street, the Arco station and some café and bar and it was by second Street and there were houses right by.” “Do you know the name of the street?” “No,” I said. “Okay. I think I really got everything.” He turned the recorder off and stood up. “I need to talk to your wife, is she around?” “Yes but I will see if she is feeling well to talk, is there another time you can do this if she can’t?” Dad asked. “I can come back tomorrow if today isn’t a good day.” “I will check on her now to see if she is up for the interview, hold on a minute,” Dad went upstairs and went in their room. I went upstairs and I saw Dad talking to Mom in there. Mom walked out with Dad and went downstairs. “Natalie, you better change,” Dad told me. I went in my room. I still had my stuff in here from yesterday. I changed out of my wet diaper and put a clean one on. I saw I leaked a little but it didn’t get onto my clothes or furniture. I saw no wet spots on my pants. I started to move stuff from my room and putting it all away. The officer talked to my mother asking her different questions. He asked her questions and about the incident. Then after he was done, he said “Thanks for letting me use your time, I don’t think we would need to talk to your son so I think we’re good. I know it’s Sunday and lot of families are probably busy and going to church and having family time. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” “No problem,” said Dad. “We don’t go to church so you didn’t interrupt a thing.” “We will keep on investigating and thanks again for your time.” The officer left with his recorder and Dad closed the door and said “Whew, I thought he was here to take you away,” he told Mom. “I can’t believe people would use fast check outs when they have more than a number of items it allows,” said Mom. “How selfish and don’t they even care?” “Not everyone is adherence to the rules as you are,” Dad told her. “How could other people just stand there and let it happen?” said Mom. “I was bothered by it too,” said Dad. “I am sure other people there were too but they just don’t get as upset as you do and they ignore it because they don’t want to start trouble.” “That’s the problem with this world, if people keep letting people getting away with it, they will just keep on doing it. Are people afraid of speaking up or what?” “Maybe the woman’s true hair color was blonde,” I joked. “Yeah, maybe she was blonde,” Dad agreed. “Maybe she thought it was eighteen items, not eight and she got the eight and eighteen mixed up,” I said. Dad started laughing and Mom smiled. “She was just another dumb blonde who used the wrong check out,” said Dad. Mom was in a better mood and she decided to check my diaper again. “Good you changed,” she said. “Keep this up, I won’t have to check you anymore and change you.” I went in the family room and turned on the Nintendo 64 and the TV. I played Duck Dodgers again. Dad started to cook dinner. Dinner time already, that went quick. It feels like we just ate.
After Dad got through cooking dinner, I realized I was starving and had some food. Mom had some too. Dad called Matthew and Kelly to come down for supper. I ate my food fast and had some dessert we got and went back to my game. Kelly came down but Matthew didn’t so Dad put his food away. I also slushed myself while playing my game and it stunk. “Natalie, pee ew,” said Mom. “Did you forget to take your odor pills again?” I realized I had not taken them all day. “I forgot today,” I replied. “That smell is sure strong,” said Dad. He started to open the windows and the patio door and waving a rag in the air to get the smell out. “It has never smelled this bad in a long time,” said Mom holding her nose. “Maybe it’s because we got used to the pills and now the smell is back and we aren’t used to it anymore,” said Dad. “Get changed Natalie, you’re stinking up the whole level.” I laughed. I pictured the whole level smelling in the game but that is what Dad calls floors. “Now,” said Dad. “Or the game goes off.” I paused the game. I wondered if I was changing myself or Mom. “It’s close to my shower anyway,” I said. “Then go to your room and stay there until after your shower,” said Dad. I got up and went upstairs. “I think it’s working,” I heard Dad telling Mom. “What’s working?” I asked. “Nothing Natalie,” said Dad. I went to my room. Kelly came out in the hallway. She sniffed and covered her nose. “Yuck, good thing I have my own room now,” she said. I closed my bedroom door and sat on my bed. I picked up one of my library books and started to read. I could smell my mess and it smelled different. I got halfway through the book when it came close to my shower. I kept on reading and I had finished seventeen chapters (it’s a kid’s book so the chapters are very short) when it was time for my shower. I saw Kelly talking on the phone to someone when I saw her in her room sitting on the computer chair. “I can’t stand this anymore, she humiliated me at Safeway because some lady had a few more items than they allowed and she made a big deal out of it and had to be dragged out…I hope not…..She’s retarded about rules and if anyone doesn’t follow them, it upsets her and she acts like it’s ruined her day… I got out of there when she started.” Kelly saw me and she got up and shut the door and I heard it lock. I didn’t dare to pick up the phone to eavesdrop because Mom and Dad don’t allow that in their home. I went in my room and grabbed a pack of my overnight diapers and put them in the bathroom. I put them under the sink. I took two out and set them on top and I took off my clothes and my wet diaper again. I tossed it all on the floor and turned the water on and got in once it warmed up.
I got out of the shower when I was done and dried off and put my diapers on. I put my clothes in the laundry basket and wrapped a towel over me so Dad and Matthew couldn’t see my naked boobs if they came in the hallway. I went in my room and threw my diaper away and put my pajamas on. I noticed Kelly was in Mom and Dad’s room watching TV. I went in there to see what was on. “What are you watching?” I asked. “Malcolm in the middle,” she said. I noticed some drama going on in it. “What is going on there?” I asked. “I am not going to explain it, you missed half of the show,” she said. “But why is he yelling at the boys?” I asked. “Because they blew all their money on candy their mother gave them to buy her a present for her birthday.” I sat down and watched it. I kept asking questions and Kelly told me she is trying to watch it. Then when commercial break came, she still didn’t want to tell me. I even saw a part where the mother acted crazy and she attacked the batting cage to scare off the little kids who wanted to bat because she was hogging it. Why couldn’t they just go to another batting cage? But the part did make me laugh. “Why is she there batting?” I asked. “To relax,” said Kelly. We watched the rest of the show and I liked the clown fight. “What name did he call her?” I asked Kelly. “I don’t know,” she said. I wonder why the father got mad at the clown for calling her something. It didn’t even sound like a name. More clowns joined in and the whole family was fighting them except for the mother while the youngest boy was eating cake under the table and everyone else there was watching. Then the youngest boy bit one of the clown’s legs and commercial break came on. “How are they like us?’ I asked. “We don’t even fight like that or spend all our money on ourselves when Dad gives us money to spend it on for something like Christmas presents or a birthday present.” “It’s a TV show. The drama just makes me think of us.” “How?” I asked. “It just does.” “How can you say that if you don’t know the reason?” Kelly growled. “I bet you would hold a world record for asking the most questions,” she said. “So how can you say the show makes you think of us if you don’t know the reason?” I asked again. “I don’t know,” she shouted. “It just does.” “You’re weird,” and I left the room. I got on the computer in Kelly’s room and looked at the Diaper Story’s board again. I read more stories there and I wasn’t interested in off topic posts or none diaper stories posts. I also looked on the Incontinent Support Board. I was feeling better about the whole ban thing. I still had a board to go to for people like me. But it got filled with diaper wannabees too. I wish they would stay on their board. Kelly came in soon. “You need to get out, I am going to bed and I want to be alone,” she said. “Okay,” I said. I got up and walked out of her room. “You’re not going to turn the computer off?” Kelly asked. “No,” I said. “Why not?” “You didn’t tell me to.” “Tell you? Why would you even leave a computer on if you are done with it?” “I wasn’t done with it, you kicked me off,” I said. “Okay, I am going to bed and I want to be alone, turn the computer off and get out.” I went back in her room and turned off her computer and left again. I went downstairs to play Duck Dodgers again but someone had turned the game off. “Who turned off my game?” I yelled. “I did,” said Dad. “It was left on.” “I was playing with it,” I yelled. “You weren’t playing it so I turned it off.” I was upset because now I would have to recollect all the atoms again. “That game takes a long time to play and now I have to get those atoms again and I worked hard.” “I’m sorry, you weren’t even playing it and you just stayed upstairs instead of coming back down,” said Dad. “Because I had a messy diaper,” I said. “Which you chose to stay up there. You have to get to bed soon anyway.” I looked at the time and knew I wouldn’t have time to get all those atoms again. It’s a shame it doesn’t let you save anytime. That would make it a lot easier. I went back upstairs and went back to reading my book. After I was done with it, I read one of the American Girls books. I remembered to take my odor pills so I went downstairs and took it and my other pills and came back up to my room.
Soon, Mom came in my room just to check on me. She knocked of course. I was just lying down reading. She pulled the covers off me before leaving and checked my diaper and pulled the covers back over me. “Don’t stay up too late, am I taking you to school or taking the van?” “You,” I said. “Okay. Night.” Mom shut my door again. I wonder why she told me to not stay up too late instead of telling me to do lights out. Tomorrow I was going to cut English again just so Mom will go to school with me or have someone else be with me and then I would be protected from Mrs. Bitch.
Mom got me up for school at eight in the morning. I was glad she didn’t check me again early in the morning. She got me out of bed and changed me out of my diapers and cleaned me up and put a clean one on me. She looked in the dresser and she put my swimming suit on me. “I am going to try and work on your room again,” she said. She went in my closet and out an outfit on me. Just some loose pants and a short t shirt. She also put matching socks on me and left my room. I just lied on the floor for a few minutes. I got up and went downstairs. I heard my diaper as I walked. I knew it wouldn’t be heard in school because I never hear them in public due to noise. Sometimes I hear them but no one seems to notice. I had breakfast and Kelly was already gone. I heard Mom get Matthew up for school and she already had his fruit Loops poured in the bowl for him on the table. Mom pulled him to the table and lifted him into his chair. “You’re getting too heavy for me to do this,” she told him. “I may have to start getting you up earlier if it will take you that long to get ready.” I finished my cereal and put the bowl in the dishwasher and the milk and cereal. I took my odor pill again and went upstairs to brush my teeth. I brushed my hair next and put more diapers in my backpack to stock up at school. I actually opened a pack and stuffed them all in my backpack. I also made sure I had my Game Boy and Golf. I also remembered I still had Jason’s game and I had forgotten about it. I went back downstairs with my stuff and played The World Is Not Enough. Today was my last day to play it. All morning long Mom had to get Matthew ready, she even brought it tooth brush to him with tooth paste and brushed his teeth right there and made him go spit it out in the kitchen sink. She also brushed his hair and got his lunch ready for him and his backpack and grabbed his coat and shoes. After she had him ready, she pulled him out the front door and they both left for the bus stop. Mom told me to be ready before she gets back because we’re leaving when she gets back. I kept on playing and when she came back, she told me “Let’s go.” I turned the game off and the TV and grabbed all my stuff. “You’re fast,” said Mom. “You told me to be ready by the time you’re back,” I said. “I wish Matthew would be that easy,” said Mom. “Maybe he will someday,” I said. “I learned to be fast.” I got my shoes and went out to the car and finished putting them on in there. Mom took me to school and dropped me off. It was just before eight. “Don’t cut class again,” Mom told me. “Okay,” I said. I closed the door and went in the building. Other kids were going to class and I bumped into Jason. “There you are,” he said. “Where were you on Friday?” “Home,” I said. “You were sick.” “Suspended,” I corrected. “What did you do?” “Cut class,” I said. “Mrs. Bitch?” “Yes.” “Mom got me out of that class.” “How did you get her to do that?” I said. “She listened to me instead of to the school and her.” “I wish I could tell mine,” I said. “Why can’t you?” “I just can’t, scared to,” I said. “I am going to do it again.” “Do what?” Jason asked. “Cut class.” “You’re crazy.” “It’s the only way my mom will be in school with me or them hiring someone to be with me, then I would be protected,” I said. “Wow,” said Jason. “Here is your game,” I took his game out of my Game Boy and handed it to him. “Awesome.” “Here is the other game you want me to exchange you with,” I said handing him Golf. “I already played it.” “So. You wanted me to exchange games with you every week,” I said. “Do you have any other games you can exchange me with?” “No,” I said. I walked away and Jason followed me. Other kids always not followed me when I walked away unless they were bullying me. “Will you bring more in tomorrow and I will bring in all of mine and you can pick a game to take and I will pick one of yours?” Jason asked. I decided I would just bring in games I don’t play with and have him select one of them. “Sure if I remember,” I said. I walked down to the basement. “Why are you going down there, classes are up here,” Jason asked. “To hide,” I said. “I am cutting class to avoid Mrs. Bitch so I will have someone with me in all my classes.” “You sure know how to play the consequences. When I was little, I found out if I let myself act up in class from the buzzing sound and bright lights, I would be sent to the office so I always did that whenever I wanted to leave class.” “Why couldn’t you just ask to leave?” I asked. “I was six,” said Jason. “I didn’t have the skills to ask and the rule was no one leaves class unless they have a pass and you couldn’t leave unless the teacher said you could. Plus I didn’t know it was the buzzing lights and the brightness of them that made me act the way I did. I thought everyone heard them but my mom can’t hear them and neither can lot of people. Can you hear them?” “No,” I said. “Not even these lights here?” he pointed up. I looked up and saw the tube lights on the ceiling. “Nope,” I said. “Wow. Do they hurt your eyes?” “No,” I said. “Good thing they don’t have these in class.” I went into the room I hid in before. “It smells funny in here,” said Jason. I didn’t think the smell in here was bad. It smelled musty. “Don’t forget tomorrow, game exchange,” said Jason and he left. I sat down again with my stuff. I decided to read The Giver and I didn’t care if I would get ahead of everyone else. The bell rang and I just stayed and read. I even felt my diaper being warm. I put my hand in my pants and massaged the outside of it. It was all fresh and warm so I knew I had done it recently just now. I enjoyed the warmth feeling while it lasted. The bell rang again and I still stayed. I kept on reading.
Soon I heard someone come in and my name being called again. I was not sure how long I was down here for but I finished a chapter and a half. “Yeah,” I said so I could get caught. “Natalia,” said Mrs. Peggy. “Not again. I knew you could be down here and I am glad I looked. Come to my office this instant.” I got up and picked up all my stuff including my coat and went to her office. Mrs. Peggy told me to sit down. I sat down in a chair she pointed to. She picked the phone up and called someone. I wondered who she was calling. “Hi this is Loretta Peggy calling again and I am afraid to inform you your daughter has cut class again.” She was talking to my mother. “Yes I am serious, she did do it again and this time she doesn’t seem to mind getting into trouble….Like I have said last Friday, she isn’t the only student who has done this and sometimes I think kids do this just to avoid their substitute teacher so suspending them or giving them in school suspension doesn’t work because it keeps them away from her…no she isn’t doing anything bad to our students or we would have known already…afraid? Why would they be afraid?....Yeah we could do a switch if she is having that much trouble in class.” A switch? I might get to switch teachers, yay. I felt happy. Mrs. Peggy kept on talking. “Oh really? You want to come here and be with your daughter in every class?” Yes my plan worked. “If she is having that much trouble, we can always hire someone to be with her and there are plenty of students we have here who has a teacher with them in all their classes and some only need one for some classes.” There was more talking and then I heard her discussing what to do with me for right now. “Yes, I will just leave her here and have her sit in the quiet room until the period ends and then she will head to her next class. I don’t think it will be a punishment though if her intention is to ditch that class…yes I will do that…yes thank you, bye.” “Do you have anything you need to put in the health room before we go?” Mrs. Peggy asked me. “Yes,” I said. “Okay. I will wait right here for you.” I left all my stuff and brought my backpack to the health room and opened the cupboard door. I saw there were three diapers left. I thought I counted four last time. I must have miscounted again or misremembered. I put all my diapers in there and counted every one of them this time. Nineteen. This time I was going to remember this number and even write it down and if it’s one diaper less next time, I will look and see if the number matches the last time I counted them. I closed the door and went back to the office. “Bring your stuff,” said Mrs. Peggy. I picked everything up and followed her but the first trip was my locker. She told me to put everything in there. I did and I followed her to a room and it was just a small room and it was called the quiet room. The room was insulated with matts on the walls and ceiling. There were even a few chairs and a sofa. Even the door was insulated. “This feels like a room in the mental hospital,” I said. I noticed my voice sounded funny in this room. “Hey my voice sounds funny,” I said. “That’s because it’s sound proof. This is where students go when they need to calm down and it absorbs their shouting.” “Why am I going in here?” I asked. “I am calm.” “Your Mom agreed to put you here and she will deal with you when she picks you up after school. She didn’t want any punishments this time. I will be back when the bell rings.” Mrs. Peggy closed the door and I sat down. There was no clock in here. I just sat in a chair. I had nothing to do. Why did I have to put everything in my locker? I felt like I was being punished. I also didn’t know what was going on. Why wasn’t I suspended again? Why did Mom want me in here? Why was I not sent to Mrs. Bitch? I was glad I wasn’t in there. Would I be switching teachers or getting a teacher to be with me? I lied on the couch and started masturbating. It was making me tired but it kept me company. I closed my eyes.
Later, I heard the door opening and a nice voice telling me “Natalie honey, it’s time for your next class.” I opened my eyes and there stood Mrs. Peggy. I got up and yawned. “Time for second period.” I got up and left the quiet room. I went to my locker and got my binder and Game Boy. I also grabbed my coat with it to wear around my waist to hide the sound in case anyone hears it. I headed to Math and sat in my seat. “Where were you in English?” Russell asked. “I skipped it,” I said. “And I will keep on doing it until I am given a new teacher or have a body guard.” “Your parents will so kill you.” “So what,” I said. “I will do anything to stay away from her.” “Oooo,” said some kids. “Wow,” said Russell. I sat down and read The Giver again until class started. Mrs. Zeller took our attendance and set it by the door for the kid to pick up. Then she told us all to get our math books. I got mine and sat back down and she wrote the page number on the board for us to turn to. I turned to the page. It was a whole new set of problems. I still had my other math paper. I wrote down the first problem and waited for Mrs. Zeller to start class. No one bothered me in class. When class ended Mrs. Zeller said she wanted to talk to me. I wondered what I did wrong. Maybe it was about Thursday. Mrs. Zeller had me come up to her desk. I walked up there and stood there. I was shaking my body and playing with my fingers. “You are a little behind with your math assignment because you were not here on Friday. You are going to need to catch up. Bring the work home and have your parents help you with it or we can get you a tutor to help you work on your problems and it can be during lunch period. Sometimes kids stay after school and catch up on their school work with their tutor. So what do you want to do?” “Get me a tutor,” I said. “Okay, I will see what we can do. You can go to your next class.” I grabbed my binder and went to my next class. My eye sight got blocked again and I turned around and told Josh I did not like it and it’s not going to get me to be his friend. I remembered what Dad told me on Thursday at dinner. I went to Spanish and sat down. I had my Spanish textbook and by then I had caught up with the words. When the bell rang, Mr. Leaf took our attendance and set it by the door. He told us he wanted us to review all the words we had learn this past year so far and he wanted us to get into groups of two. He told us to all find a partner. I hated this. I always hated finding partners because no one ever wanted to be with me and I always had to wait for someone to decide to be my partner. It was easy if someone was my friend because I could just go to them. But Jason saved the day, he sat down in front of me and turned his desk. “Don’t forget game exchange,” he reminded. “You know, I do think you are kind of cute despite being a little chubby,” I said. “Thank you,” he said. “I think you look like a porn star.” “What?” I asked. “That’s how good you look. You’re so good looking you could be a porn star, that is how pretty you are.” “Oh, thank,” I said. “No one has ever called me fat and meant it as a compliment,” said Jason. “No one has ever told me I look like a porn star,” I said. “My body isn’t that good looking. You haven’t even seen me naked. They have better bodies than me.” “My mom says those are all fake and they can change their body sizes through a computer. She thinks all the magazine companies making bodies look perfect is making girls get eating disorders because it makes them feel bad about themselves and gives them low self-esteem about their body.” “I have seen actresses have great bodies too,” I said. “They also have eating disorders because they are pressured to be thin and models also starve themselves and they put make up on to cover their dark circles under their eyes. In Hollywood, you are fat if you don’t fit in a certain size.” “They would probably consider me fat,” I said. I wondered if Izabella Scorupco had an eating disorder. Her body looked perfect in GoldenEye. I wonder if movies can change their body sizes through a computer before releasing it. I know they already use make up to cover up freckles or scars or any marks they have on their bodies. Jason and I were supposed to be going through our Spanish words but instead we were talking about other things. “So how did you get your mother to listen to you about Mrs. Bitch?” I asked. “I told her what she was doing and she took action. I didn’t have to do anything to get her to listen. She has always listened to me as long as I remember. She just demanded I be put in another class or she is taking me out and homeschooling me. She didn’t like her either.” “What did Mrs. Bitch to do you when you had her?” I asked. “Nothing really because I had Mrs. Zolt so she always left me be but it didn’t stop her what she does to other students. She wants us all to be zombies and doesn’t allow electronic devices and she is so strict and she expects everyone to be normal and my mom didn’t like that. I can’t believe other aids would allow it.” I told Jason what she had done to me so far but I didn’t tell him about her threat she gave me. “Wow,” he said. “Hey you two, work,” Mr. Leaf told us. “Do you know anything about a boy named Jonathon?” I asked. “I heard she got him into trouble so he was arrested and never seen again.” “Oh yeah, he was in one of my classes and he always had a temper and would hurt people if he got upset. He needed two aids with him so they could pull him off if he got on anyone. He was in the quiet room a lot. He had ODD.” “What’s ODD?’ I asked. “Oppositional defiant disorder.” “What does that mean?” “It’s just a behavior issue and they don’t like authority and they are mean and vicious. They attack people when they are mad, they don’t listen to anyone, they will do whatever they want, they lose their tempers easily, they will often argue and not resect authority, often annoy people on purpose, and it’s often a comorbid disorder of ADHD or Asperger’s but other times he was a real nice young man but he was so manipulative and knew how to get his way. He used violence for it and he would get violent if he would get upset and anything would upset him. But Mrs. Bitch decided to get rid of him by setting him up and she knew what would get him angry so he would attack her an she would called the police and press charges and he already had a history of violence and with the police and he hasn’t been seen here since.” “Did he go to juvenile hall?” I asked. “I don’t know.” “Well good thing he is gone,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to get hurt by him.” “Jason,” said his aid. “You need to work on your Spanish, not talk.” She walked away and Jason went back to talking. He told me more about Mrs. Bitch. “Why does the school even keep her?” I asked. “I don’t know. They always believe her but my mom believed me. How could other parents not believe their children. Oh right, when you have a disability, you’re always wrong.” “What do you mean always wrong?” “They think what you said happened is wrong, and think your point of view is wrong and normies can just lie about their intentions and people will believe them and assume we were wrong about their intention.” “That sucks,” I said. “You use the word normie too, that’s Grandma’s word.” “No it’s not, she didn’t invent the word and coin it.” “I meant she always used that word. She was different than other kids and even her own mom singled her out in their family and abused her and she was hit a lot in school for being different and teachers always got mad at her and would punish her. She said lot of teachers were mean then and if you didn’t sit still or write good, you were slapped and her handwriting was never good for her teacher she would just make her sit after class and practice her penmanship until her hand got sore from doing all that writing and she got slapped every time for saying the wrong thing so it taught her to be mute so she spoke only when spoken to. She was just seen as a trouble maker so she created a club for kids who were also outcasts and different and then when she got pregnant at my age, she was disowned so she was out on her own and worked as a prostitute to make money to support herself and her child because being a waitress didn’t earn her enough to live off of.” “What problem did she have?” Jason asked. “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe being different runs in the family but she always seemed normal when I always saw her. She always told stories about her childhood about how bad school was back in the days and teachers and the friends she had and bullies and she said her mom was mean and got mean after her father died in the war so she turned into an alcoholic and aimed her anger towards her. She even wrote a book too about her life and I never read it. What’s weird is my great great grandfather was also an alcoholic so he abused my great grandmother and made her a slave and would take her money she makes and then she grew up and got married and had three children and things were fine until he went off to war and then died and she turned into a mean mother and why would she be mean like her father?” “I don’t know,” said Jason. “You family history sounds all messed up.” “I know,” I said. “Weird how things repeat it selves in families. But at least there is no abuse in my family.” “That’s good the cycle was broken.” “I don’t understand why kids would grow up and be like their own parents if they didn’t like what was done to them,” I said. “I don’t know.” “Maybe they do it because they don’t find it fair someone else gets to have a good childhood and they didn’t so they make sure their kids won’t have one either,” I guessed. “Maybe,” said Jason. “But wouldn’t it be more logical if they didn’t have kids.” I shrugged. “Yo you two, stop visiting and work or I will separate you two and get you new partners,” Mr. Leaf told us. “If I tell you again, I am separating you.” We went to work finally but only ended up talking again about other stuff. “Why does your mom listen to you?” I asked. “Uh because I am her son and she is supposed to.” “But why won’t other parents listen to their kids?” I asked. “Because they think their kids are wrong because of their disability.” “Wow, your mom must be different,” I said. “She is. She has Asperger’s. You know what it is?” “Yes they are easily picked on and bullied and have no friends and have a hard time fitting in,” I said. “Bingo,” said Jason. “It’s been hard with having a mom with it but she has also understood me better. She doesn’t have very many sensory issues but she has troubles with relationships and keeping friends and finding them and she isn’t very social and she gets stuck in her routines but she has enough skills to get along with people and to keep her job and she doesn’t talk about her days much. That is why I don’t have any brothers or sisters.” “My mom also doesn’t have friends or get along with people,” I said. “She also has her routines and she doesn’t like change or surprises and she has lot of sensory issues and she said it was hard having all of us kids when we were little because the noise we would make would get to her, us being unpredictable, she gets worn out if she has to do lot of change in her routine and some kids think she is retarded and said their parents think that too.” “Does she have Asperger’s?” Jason asked. “My dad thinks she does but he gets so frustrated with her and kept getting mad at her for things she can’t help but she has enough skills to take us to our doctor’s appointments or talk to my teacher or principal or take care of us kids and she can drive and cook and clean.” “My mom can do all that too,” Jason interrupted. “My dad sometimes complains about her how he can’t do normal things with her or have normal sex or a normal marriage or even hug her whenever he wants or enjoy their time out and how she is so much work.” “Your dad is an idiot,” said Jason. “When my dad couldn’t stand my mother anymore, he left her. I don’t know why people complain about their partners and never leave them. It’s usually women that complain about their guys and they expect them to change. Why can’t people just accept their men and you dad accept your mom?” “My big brother thinks she has it too and so does Allie’s mom,” I said. “Does your mom know about it?” Jason asked. “Yes.” “Has it been hard for you too?” “Sometimes.” “Sometimes?” “It wasn’t every day,” I said. “Okay, maybe for a while but only because I decided to wish my mom was like all the other moms.” “Why?” “So I could be normal and I thought she didn’t care until I heard she kept bugging my old principal about me so she kicked me out of school and I was put in this school and the fact when I got arrested for nothing and my mom yelled at them.” “You got arrested? What was it like?” “Scary,” I said. “What did they do to you?” “Asked me questions, made me walk in a straight line, got mad at me and said I wasn’t cooperating, put handcuffs on me, took my fingerprints and picture and locked me in the cell and they also grabbed me hard and it hurt.” “Why were you arrested?” “They thought I was drinking.” “Why?” “I ran into the street because I was looking for my brother and a car slammed on its breaks.” “My mom has been arrested once too and she was taken to the hospital instead,” said Jason. “Why?” “She was having a tantrum and she was hitting my dad and throwing things and someone called the cops and they came and took her away and she was put in the hospital instead where she got diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and she didn’t have it.” “Why was she having a tantrum?” I asked. “I don’t remember. I was little. But my dad finally left us when I was eight. I don’t ever see him.” “Why not?” “He lives in California and he never comes and visits and he isn’t even my real father.” “What do you mean?” “I was an illegitimate child and my real father wanted nothing to do with me because he didn’t want to be a dad and he left my mother while she was pregnant. My mom thinks he may have had Asperger’s too but he was a jerk and he always hurt her emotionally and didn’t care about her. Then she met my dad and they got married and they were together until I was eight but they didn’t get along and they always fought and he always tried to change her and me.” “How long were they married for?” “I don’t know I was a toddler when they met and then they got married so that long.” “How old were you when they met?” “I think one. My grandfather also has it and he was very distant from his family. He didn’t shower a lot and he spent all his time in the garage with his stuff and he never hung out with his family or played with his kids. He didn’t even want anyone in the garage but he was fine with my mom being there and he made a business out of his interest, fixing things and he had terrible people skills and people only cared about getting their things fixed so they didn’t care about his unfriendliness or not showing much emotion. He was a good fixer and that’s all it mattered.” “He sounds worse than my mom,” I said. “He’s worse than my mom too,” said Jason. “Mine showers and she can’t stand being dirty and she keeps her hair cut short because she hates long hair.” “So does my mom,” I said. “Also my mom is friendly,” said Jason. “So is mine,” I said. “Well there are ones who are friendly and ones who are not friendly. Our moms are the friendly type. There are also the rude type and the jerk type and the abuse type.” “Isn’t that with normal people too,” I said. “Well yeah but this is different. It affects people differently with it. It depends on who they are and what their personality is and what they are willing to learn and change. Some are overly caring and very friendly and very nice people can’t stand it.” ”Why?” “Because they’re idiots.” “Yeah people have gotten mad at me for being nice and caring,” I said. “My mom once decided to hold a door open for this guy in a wheelchair and he got mad at her about it so she just let go of the door and it slammed him in the chair and my mom didn’t even apologize. It was hilarious and I laughed and she told me to be quiet.” “When did that happen?” “Last year. It was at Vancouver Mall and we walked into Meier and Frank. My mom does not respect jerks so she changes personality.” “Is it an Asperger thing to not like jerks so they are not nice to them or what?” I asked. “Neah I think it’s just a coincidence,” said Jason. “Lot of people don’t like jerks so they quit helping them. I think it just has to do with personality how they handle them.” “I like to pick on them,” I said. “My mom loves to piss people off on the road if they tailgate her.” “My mom does that too,” said Jason. “She will just slow down if someone is close behind her. It makes me nervous.” “Why?” “I don’t want us to get rear ended and it means staying until the cop shows up and does a police report and that takes a long time but my mom thinks it’s worth it.” “Has she ever been rear ended?” “No.” “Mine has and she had us all lie to the officer and we played at Burgerville for an hour as a reward.” “For lying to the cop?” Jason asked. “Yep,” I said. “Jeez.” “I can’t wait until I get my driver’s license so I can play it too.” “Make sure you have car insurance before you do it and if they don’t have insurance, you are going to have to be willing to sue them or pay for the damage yourself and pay even higher car insurance. It goes up every time you get in a wreck and it doesn’t matter if the other person rammed into you. Also are you willing to total your car? Some cars get too badly rear ended, the gas tank gets damaged and the car can’t be driven or the trunk won’t close or the back gets so badly smashed, the insurance won’t fix it because the damage costs more than the car is worth. Also you can get charged with insurance fraud if they found out you did it on purpose.” “Why?” “Because you stopped just for the car to rear end you and they can think you did it for money.” “How would they know I stopped on purpose to be rear ended?” I asked. “I don’t know. They could find out.” “Okay, you two, time to get new partners,” said Mr. Leaf. He separated us and selected another partner for us and we were both separated. Jason and I looked at each other from across the room. He smiled at me. My new partner was Jill. I did my work for real this time.
After class got out, I was heading to the health room to change. I went in there and counted my diapers again. I remembered I counted nineteen because there were three left when I got here and there are sixteen in a pack and I brought them all here. There were still nineteen. Whew. I took one and grabbed the wipes and headed into the bathroom. I took everything off except for my bra. I don’t want to get pee on my socks so I take those off too and push everything away so pee can’t hit it or poop. I took off my wet diaper and cleaned myself and put the clean one on. Then I got dressed again and put my socks back on and my shoes. I threw my diaper away and washed my hands. I put the wipes away and headed to my next class. Jason was not in this class so it was just me and other kids.
During lunch time, Jason reminded me again about tomorrow. I also realized I didn’t have my odor pills with me when I went to my locker to take it. I felt panic and I hoped I wouldn’t slush myself in school. If I do, I will run out of the room without even asking to leave first. It would be an emergency. Jason also reminded me again in Geography and Drama. It was so annoying. Then finally he asked for my phone number so he could call to remind me. “No,” I said. I knew if I gave him my number, he would probably be calling us a lot and it would tick Dad off and Mom. “Email?” he asked. I wrote it down and gave it to him. Then I had to ask Mrs. Giland to be excused. She excused me and I grabbed the pass and left. I headed to the health room again and counted my diapers again. There should be eighteen. There were still eighteen, whew. Maybe I did miscount last time and this time I was remembering how many I had this time. I took my diaper out of there and my wipes and went in the bathroom to change. Luckily I had not slushed all day. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen until school it out. I started peeing when I took my diaper off. I just held it there until I was done. I made sure I was done before pulling it away from my body. I threw it away and clean up the mess and my skin and put my clean diaper on. That is why I always take off my pants and socks, I might pee while I am changing and then it would get on my pants or socks. I put my clothes back on and washed my hands and put my wipes back. I went into the office and Mrs. Peggy wasn’t there. I would have to try and tell her after school then. I headed back to class. “Hey why do you always leave during this class?” Jason asked when I got back. “To go to the bathroom,” I lied. “You have to go at the same time every day?” he asked. “Yes, I have a bathroom schedule.” “I don’t have one.” I didn’t even need to ask him why because I already knew why people didn’t have potty schedules because they can feel when they have to go and can hold it. Jason could hold it and feel when he has to go. I feel nothing until my diaper is warm or wet or when I am messy. Diapers are like huge pads. I found out from Mom women used to wear these things that go around their bottoms for when they get their periods and she wore one too. They were like undergarments. Then she started wearing pads when they came out which was in high school. “Hey what are you wearing under there?” Jason asked pointing at my shirt. I touched my swim suit. “This?” “Yes.” “My swimming suit.” “Why are you wearing it?” “To keep warm.” “Can’t you wear a sweater and a warmer outfit?” “I like how it feels,” I lied. “So nice and tight.” I sniffed and then said “Ahhhh. This feels so nice.” “What other idiosyncratic do you have with clothes?” “What?” I asked. “I mean peculiar. I wear my underwear inside out and my socks because I can’t stand the seams in them. That’s my idiosyncratic.” “Nothing,” I said. “I just wear my swim suit under here.” “Do seams bother you or wool?” “I hate wool,” I said. “Anything that scratches I don’t like. I also don’t like anything loose between my legs so I always have my pants pulled way up above my belly button. I have always worn socks inside my sandals because I cannot stand to go barefoot in them and I hate flip flops, they hurt my feet and you have to keep your toes squeezed together to keep them on and I hate high heels because then I stumble and trip. I cannot stand to have my skin touching each other so I always have to do this,” I said pushing my sleeve into my arm pit. “I like things soft on me.” “I always have tags cut out of my clothes,” said Jason. “I can’t stand to wear jeans, anything heavy, I don’t like turtle necks, I don’t like wool or polyester or rayon, I don’t like anything tight, things have to be loose, clothes have to be wash before I can wear them if they are brand new, I have to avoid clothes that have seams in them, I will wear other clothes under here that are inside out and then wear another outfit over it right side out. See?” Jason lifted his shirt up and I saw he had on another shirt under there and it was inside out. “I never see you wear jeans, do you not like them either?” “I don’t have any,” I said. “But do you not like them?” “I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t tried on a pair since I was seven and I hated them and never wore them again.” “Why did you hate them?” “Too tight and it felt like I was masturbating and they dug into my crotch and around my bottom and I didn’t like them on me, too hard.” “Wait wait wait,” said Jason. “You wear your swimsuit because you like it tight but you don’t like jeans because they are tight? Isn’t that contradicting don’t you think?” “It felt like I was masturbating and the swimsuit doesn’t make me feel that way.” “The swimsuit doesn’t make it feel like you are masturbating?” Jason asked. “No, it’s not think like jeans are and rough.” “Okay, gotcha. Your mom didn’t make you wear anything you didn’t like did she?” Jason asked “No,” I said. “Neither did mine, normie parents will make their kids wear clothes they don’t feel comfortable in so good thing we don’t have normie parents.” I imagined my mom being normal and her making me wear clothes I didn’t like. “Why would they make their kids wear clothes they don’t feel comfortable in?” I asked. “Because they’re stupid, they don’t care, they like to torture their kids.” “Why?” “I don’t know. They just don’t care.” I was shocked parents would make their kids wear clothes that are not comfortable on them. Good thing I didn’t have a normal mother.
When class got out, I waited for Mom to pick me up. Kids were going to their buses and vans. Only some got picked up by their parents. I saw my van but didn’t go to it. I saw Allie again. This time I gave her my screen name. “Where were you on Friday?” she asked. “Suspended,” I said. “Why did you get suspended?” “I cut class to avoid Mrs. Bitch and this time I was put in the quiet room and not suspended. I am hoping to have someone with me now or to get a new teacher for English.” “Cool,” said Allie. “I got another video game,” I said. “Which one?” “Mario Party 2.” “Cool, how did you get it?” “I caught my Dad drinking and he made me keep it a secret and said he would buy me a video game if I keep quiet about it.” I realized I just spilled the secret. “Don’t tell anyone okay,” I said. “Dad doesn’t want Mom to know.” “He doesn’t want her to know he drinks?” she asked. “Yes,” I said. “Why?” “He is an alcoholic.” “Oh no,” Allie cried. “He isn’t violent and he doesn’t beat us,” I said. “Does he yell or call anyone names?” “Sometimes.” “That’s bad.” “All parents yell and call their kids name.” “Nuh uh,” said Allie. “Seriously, your mom has never told you you were stupid or your dad or calling you a brat,” I said. “Nope.” “I am sure they have yelled, all parents yell.” “Mine yells sometimes but not often,” said Allie. “You have a weird mother, is your stepfather weird too?” I asked. “If you mean not calling us names, yeah. I can’t believe you think that is all normal.” “It is,” I said. “No it’s not.” “Yes it is.” “Your dad is an alcoholic I bet you think it’s normal too.” “He isn’t like what you see on TV or like other alcoholics,” I said. “Whatever.” “Hey Natalie, why aren’t you getting in the van?” Jerry asked. “Because my mom is picking me up,” I said. “Why?” “I don’t take the van anymore?” “Why not?” he asked. “You guys are mean to me,” I said. “Mean? Whatever we have done mean, we’re sorry.” I didn’t know why he was pretending to be all clueless. “Allie?” her van driver called. “Got to go,” she said and ran to her van. Jerry went to his van and got in. Then soon I saw buses and vans taking off and Mom just arrived. I got in and buckled up. “Okay Natalie, why did you cut class again?” Mom asked as we left. “So you can come to school with me and watch me in every class or get me a new teacher,” I said. “Why?” “I want to be protected from the teacher,” I said. “Why?” “I don’t know, I just do. Lot of kids don’t like her so we all call her Mrs. Bitch.” “When we get home, you are staying in your room until you tell me what is going on, there will be no computer and video games or TV.” “But the games are due tomorrow,” I said. “So tell me if you want to have your last day of playing them,” said Mom. I was trapped. I started to feel stress inside of me and panic. I didn’t know what to do. It was either tell Mom and have everyone know my secret or not play my game and Matthew’s.
When we got home, I took my stuff off and put it away and I went up to my room. I took my odor pills I left in my room. I only took one of course. Mom came in my room and took the Super Nintendo controllers away and asked for my Game Boy. I gave her it. She told me I was not coming out until I tell her and shut the door. I decided to just read instead. I read my library books to keep my mind off what was happening. I stayed in my room all evening long and Mom never came in to check my diaper. I was messy and I couldn’t leave my room. I heard Kelly and Matthew and them talking. I heard thumping and walking. Soon, Mom came to my room to tell me it was dinner time and to come on down. I got up and went downstairs. I was still in the same diaper. It felt uncomfortable. Mom decided to check me right before everyone was ready to eat. She took me upstairs and checked me in the hallway and saw I was wet and messy. “Why didn’t you change?” she asked. “I wasn’t allowed to leave my room,” I said. “Why didn’t you change in your room?” “I was messy,” I said. “I guess I should have added you could only leave your room when you clean up a messy accident.” Mom took me into my room and changed me. It took a little while but she got me cleaned up. She used most of my diaper and wiped the mess off and used wipes. Then I was freshly diapered. I was so glad to be in one. Mom tossed my diaper in my trash this time and washed her hands in the kid’s bathroom. I put my pants back on and went downstairs. “About time,” said Kelly. “When are you going to start changing yourself soon?” “I’m starving,” Matthew whined. “Enough you two,” said Dad. “Why does Mom have to check her right before dinner?” Kelly complained. Mom came downstairs and sat down and Kelly asked her “Mom, why do you always have to check Natalie right before we eat?” “I don’t know,” said Mom. ‘Well, can you set your watch to check her sooner so we won’t have to wait on her anymore?” “I can’t change her while I am cooking,” said Mom. “Finally I can start eating,” said Matthew and he started to scarf down his hash browns. “Oh I am starving,” said Kelly and she started to eat her food fast too. “Now see Natalie, if you start remembering to change yourself, your brother and sister won’t have to starve anymore,” Dad told me. “My hands still smell like poo,” said Mom. She got out of her chair and washed her hands at the sink using dish soap. “God, did Mom have to say that around food?” said Kelly. Matthew and Kelly kept eating their food fast as if they had been waiting on me forever or as if they had no eaten anything at all today. I ate my food fast too because I was starving. I had ketchup with my hash browns. I put a bunch of it on my plate and ate it. I would dip the hash browns in it and eat it. Then I went on eating other food on my plate. Then I had dessert after dinner and we still had some left over from yesterday. I put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher and had to do some chores in the kitchen with my whole family except Mathew. His chore is only putting his dishes in the sink and walking away and making sure there is water in the cat bowls and dog bowl and some food. I had to go back up to my room and continue my punishment. Dad also agreed with what my mother was doing to me. He also didn’t like me being so secretive and refusing to tell them why I want to avoid Mrs. Bitch and told me he had never seen me this stubborn but if I want to be in my room for the rest of the night, that is my choice. They can keep on doing this until I tell them even if it takes until thanksgiving. I told him I would keep on cutting class until I am out of there. Dad then told me I will lose computer and video games and TV and James Bond and if I am going to make this hard, they will make it hard too. This was the worst day ever. I was sacrificing video games to keep my secret hidden and now this was going to last longer than I thought. I was not liking this. I was starting to feel trapped and wanting out and the only way out is death. But I couldn’t say I want to kill myself or I am feeling this way or else I would get locked up and there still would be no computer and video games. There was no way out unless I want to have Mrs. Bitch spill my secret and my life is totally back to normal.
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Post by Bad Beth on Nov 1, 2013 18:58:55 GMT
Chapter 20
Mom got me up the next day for school. She changed my diapers again and put a clean one on me and got me dressed. I remembered game exchange. I rested for a few minutes and got up and looked for more Game Boy games I had. I didn’t want Golf. The rest I didn’t like were in Matthew’s room and I would have to go in there and look for them. Mom was getting Matthew up for school and I waited until she dragged him down the stairs. I went in his room and started looking. I was hoping I would find them or I would have to tell Jason I couldn’t find the other games because my brother lost them in his room. I didn’t trust him to borrow any of my games so I had to use a game first I didn’t like to see if I could trust him. I heard Mom call my name. “I am looking for something,” I shouted. I heard her coming and I kept digging in the wooden toy box. “What are you doing?” Mom asked me. “Looking for some games,” I said. “You’re not getting your Game Boy back until you tell me about Mrs. “Bitch.” “A kid at my school wants me to bring them for exchange?” I said. “You need your brother’s permission to give his games away,” said Mom. “No he wants to borrow them,” I said. “Ask your brother first.” “He’s not even here,” I said. “Matthew,” said Mom. “But they’re Brian’s and he left them here,” I argued. “Matthew plays with them so you need to ask him, they’re his now.” I felt panic and stress all over again. I was supposed to do game exchange and now I couldn’t. I went downstairs and Matthew was eating his cereal slowly. “Matthew, can I bring your Game Boy games to school?” I asked. “Why?” he asked. “Because a boy in my school wants to borrow a game from me every week and I don’t know if I can trust him so I want to see if he will bring a game back I don’t like.” “I don’t care on one condition,” he said. “What?” I asked. “You have to be nice to Chris.” “What if he is mean to me?” I asked. “He isn’t mean to anyone, you have to be nice to him or you can’t bring my games to school. No hiding your stuff from him, you have to share your Nintendo 64, you have to be nice.” I was desperate to do this so I took the deal. “Okay fine, I will be nice to him,” I said. “Okay, you may bring mine to school,” said Matthew. “Where are the rest of them?” I asked. “Around in my room.” I had a quick breakfast and went upstairs and took my odor pill and went back to looking in Matthew’s room. I decided I would just leave my games at home I like. I dug around in his room and took all the toys out of the toy box. I found two more of them and I set them aside. I know Brian had at least seven games left when he moved out. He used to have more but I don’t know what happened to them. Maybe he sold them or lost them or they got stolen. Couple of them I liked so I took as mine. The other four I didn’t like so Matthew got them. I had one more to find but didn’t know where it was. I threw the toys back in the toy box. I picked the games up and looked around. I looked under the bed and through junk but didn’t know where the last game went. I went in my room and put the games in my backpack and my odor pills. I put my binder in there too. I didn’t have my Spanish textbook because I had turned it back in. I went in the kids bathroom and brushed my teeth and brushed my hair. Then I went back downstairs to play James Bond for a little bit before it gets returned but Mom asked me if I was going to tell her now about Mrs. Kink. “No,” I shouted. “Then you don’t play any video games and you stay in your room until it’s time to leave,” said Mom. I threw the controller on the ground and turned the game off angrily. I pounded my feet on the floor as I went upstairs and I slammed my door hard. I grabbed a pen from my drawer and started to write on my wall. It was going to get painted so I didn’t care if I was going to do a little graffiti. I wrote “fuck you” all over. I also wrote “die bitch” referring to Mrs. Bitch. I would be so happy if she died, then I could tell my parents about her and my secret wouldn’t get spilled. I continued writing fuck all over the walls. I even scribbled at my walls and on pieces of wallpaper that were still there. I even started drawing stick figures pretending one of them was Mrs. Butch and I drew other stick figures pretending they were the students and they all grab her and push her around and beat her up and if we would all gain up on her, she may get so scared she quits working there and we never see her again. Then my bedroom door opened. “Time to leave,” said Mom. I dropped my pen and grabbed my backpack and went downstairs. Mom didn’t say anything to me about the graffiti. I wonder why. I put my shoes on and grabbed my coat and went out to the car. I wondered what was going to happen when I get there. Would Mom walk in the building with me and escort me to my locker and then to Mrs. Bitch’s classroom? How would she do that with all the chaos in the hall? She didn’t even have anything with her except for her purse.
When we got to school, Mom parked the car instead. She got out when I got out. I guess she was going to be with me in every class. My plan worked. I was starting to feel better. Mom followed me into the building and I wondered how she was going to do with the crowd in the hallway. She followed me inside and she held my hand. “I am going to go to the office and talk to your principal,” she said. “You better get to your class.” “Mom,” I cried. “If you’re not going to even bother telling me, I will just send you to class,” said Mom. I started to feel a little light headed and everything seemed louder. I felt like I was in a dream. Mom kept on walking and then she went into the principal’s office when we walked by. I tried to go in after her but she pushed me out the door telling me to get to class. It felt like she didn’t even care. Mom closed the door and then I couldn’t even get it to open. I just pounded on it and started screaming. I heard some giggles from kids but I didn’t even care. I didn’t want to be near Mrs. Bitch. I even started crying. “Natalia,” I heard. I turned and looked and there stood Mrs. Bitch. “You better not be late to class young lady or you will get lunch time with me. I heard you have been playing hooky.” I stopped pounding on the door. “Get to my class young lady,” she said. I just stood there. “Okay you will get lunch detention if you don’t go” I marched to my locker. I didn’t want lunch detention. I wondered what would happen if I cut class again. Would I get detention for it? I was too scared to find out. I would lose computer and video games anyway and TV at home but it didn’t matter, I was stuck in my room until I tell them which would mean have my secret get spilled out. I went to my locker and put my backpack in there and took my binder out and hung my coat up. I went to my first class. I was glad Mrs. Bitch wasn’t in here yet. Kids saw me in there and were surprised to see me. “You’re finally here again,” said the girl from my group whole told me about Mrs. Bitch making the boy read out loud to class. “Have you been sick?” Eddie asked. “I’ve been cutting this class,” I said. “I want to do it again but she saw me and I am afraid to cut it again since I won’t be suspended again so she will know I cut class if she sees me.” “Yeah no one gets suspended anymore for cutting this class or getting detention, they know it’s not a punishment so instead they end up having it with Mrs. Bitch, sorry kiddo, you’re stuck with her.” I was only suspended once and it was not a punishment for me. Being in the quiet room wasn’t a punishment either because it kept me way from her. I wonder what it would be this time if I cut class again, maybe detention with her. “Why doesn’t everyone just gain up on her to get rid of her,” I said. “How are we going to do that?” another girl asked. “Us getting all wild and out of control she can’t control us and how about we all get violent with her and she will be so afraid of us she quits,” I said. Lee smirked. “You must be dreaming blondie, that will never work with her because it was just give us all consequences and put us in deeper trouble with our parents and don’t forget Jonathan who got himself arrested because she set him up.” “But he had a criminal history and he was dangerous,” I said. “None of us are dangerous.” “You’re on your own, good luck.” “This is no movie, this is real life,” said Janelle. “Have you been reading too much Matilda? You need telekinesis and we don’t have that. Do you?” “What’s telekinesis?” I asked. “It’s was Matilda did, moving things with her mind and making stuff do things with no hands and she posed as Miss Honey’s father’s spirit to get rid of her principal.” I remember that movie frightened me and I couldn’t believe how it could be a children’s movie. I had nightmares about it for a week after seeing it in theaters because the principal was so mean I wouldn’t even want to go to that school and no one also believed the kids about her and how could teachers just let her get away with it and Miss Honey? But the book wasn’t scary maybe because it was all words and some pictures. “Yeah this isn’t Matilda,” said Eddie. I really wished this was Matilda, then she would be easy to get rid of. Mrs. Bitch was our Trunchbull except she was a sub this time, not our principal. I think it was better she was the principal so I wish Mrs. Bitch was one too. I looked around the room and everything looked the same. Then the door opened behind me and Mrs. Bitch came in. “Sit down, class is about to start.” Then the bell started ringing. I sat down in my seat. Some kids were still out of their seats. They got in their seat and sat down. Mrs. Bitch started to take attendance. Then she set it by the door. “Okay young lady, since you have been cutting class, you have two days of work to catch up on so during lunch you will be in here doing it. I hope you have been reading your book,” she told me. “I have,” I said. “I am already this far in the book.” I took it out and showed her and kids gasped. Mrs. Bitch looked surprised. “Well you will read it all over again,” she said. “What?” I was shocked. “Why?” “Because I said so.” “But I have been reading like you were hoping, why do I need to read the chapters over again?” I asked. “No back talk, do I need to teach you another lesson,” she said. “Besides, I don’t even think you even read all those pages. No student ever reads a book outside this class that is assigned to them. All of you are slackers and don’t want to work hard.” She went to the front of the class and continued telling us how lazy we were and how we want excuses and don’t want to try at all. I really hated this teacher. How can this school keep her and not know how bad she is? I wished I had my recorder with me so I would record everything she says. I may have to start bringing it in here just so I can play it to the principal. I would keep it hidden in my pocket and hit the record button whenever she says something bad. Mrs. Bitch then turned on the overhead. I started to copy down the DOL making corrections. Some kids were getting out of their chairs, one had to get a pencil and Mrs. Bitch made him sit back down and skip the work as a punishment. Another person dropped her pencil and she had to get out of her chair and get it and Mrs. Bitch scolded her. After DOL, we were given an assignment to write about our books we have been reading and say what has been going on in it so far and we had to use proper spelling and grammar and it counts with our grade. I wish I knew this ahead of time so I would have been writing as I was reading the book. I would have to go by what I remembered so far. I started to write. I noticed some kids were struggling and Mrs. Bitch refused to help them, she told them to just do their best. I noticed the boy from my group who never wants to read out loud was struggling with his assignment. I noticed another girl got out of her seat to help her but Mrs. Bitch yelled at her and told her to sit back in her seat. “Get to work,” she told the boy. I could see he was crying and he had his head down and his face covered with his hand so no one would see his unhappy face. I felt so sorry for him. I wanted to help him too. “Okay, no one else gets out of their chairs or you will come in here during lunch and write on the board,” said Mrs. Bitch. I wouldn’t even get out of my seat anyway. I had no reason to get out. I kept on writing and soon my pencil led broke. Shit. I had no other pencil and the pencil sharpener was across the aisle from me but I couldn’t reach it. I raised my hand but Mrs. Bitch never called on me. I then said “Mrs. Kink.” “No talking,” she scolded. “But-“ “No talking or you stay during lunch writing on the board.” I held my pencil up to show her but she didn’t seem to care. Now how was I going to write? Then an idea popped in my head. I could just slide my chair over to the pencil sharpener. She did say not to get out of your seat so I will be in my seat when I sharpen my pencil. I slid my desk over to the sharpener. “Natalia,” Mrs. Bitch yelled. I jumped at her voice. What did I do? “Come in here for lunch.” “What did I do?” I cried. “You know what you did.” “No I don’t. I was just going to sharpen my pencil.” “Alright, you will just fill the whole entire boards up,” said Mrs. Bitch. “She didn’t even get out of her seat,” said Janelle. “Quiet or I will make you come in here too,” Mrs. Bitch yelled at her pointing her pen at her. “I do not tolerate smart asses,” Mrs. Bitch said to the whole class. “How was she being a smart ass?” I asked. “No, you were,” she told me. “How so?” “I told you to not get out of your seat and you still moved staying in your chair.” “But you told us to stay in our seats so I did and I needed to sharpen my pencil so I moved my chair to it,” I cried. “I will make you come in here tomorrow for lunch if you don’t stop,” she told me. I was scared to say anything else. I was made to move my desk back and I never got the chance to sharpen my pencil. I just sat there doing nothing. Then Mrs. Bitch noticed I wasn’t working. “Work,” she ordered. I held my pencil up pointing to the missing led. “Her pencil needs sharpening,” said Janelle. “Why didn’t you say so?” she asked me. “You wouldn’t let me,” I said. “Sharpen it and stop slacking.” I got out of my chair and sharpened my pencil. Then I sat back down. I started writing again. I wrote and would do some erasing and then proof reading and I got done before class ended and I was able to turn it in. Lot of kids were not even done yet and Mrs. Bitch kept getting mad at them for not writing. I felt good about myself for being done. I had not found work this easy in a long long time. I felt so proud. “Don’t forget Natalia, come in here for lunch,” said Mrs. Bitch. “Do I still eat my lunch?” I asked. Mrs. Bitch didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to come in here for lunch or just get my lunch and bring it in here or eat my lunch and then come in here. I headed to math class next. “Wow, you sure are pushing it,” Eddie told me on the way. “What do you mean?” I asked. “You like to see how far you can go with Mrs. Bitch and now you have to see her during lunch.” I hated his accusation and I wished he would leave me alone. “Did you actually read all those pages?” Janelle asked me. “Yeah,” I said. “Wow. No one has ever read their book outside of class.” “I am enjoying the story,” I said. “What’s it about?” Eddie asked. “It’s some weird world they live in,” I said. “People are selected careers when they turn twelve, no one seems to have a birthday, no one is allowed to have their own kids and each couple is given a boy and a girl with a stuffed animal and blanket and kids are considered like a one, a two, a three, and so on and when they become a twelve, they start to train to become adults so a career is selected for them and Jonas is given some special career about how things used to be like they are now, everyone had choices, people knew about history, people had freedom, people could pick their own partners and have their own children, but in their time, they have none of that. Also no one has cars and they use bikes as a form of transportation and they are given a bike when they become a nine. But elderlies don’t exist because they get released which means they get killed because they become useless to society so therefore grandparents don’t exist,” I said. “Wow, that sounds messed up, I wouldn’t want to live like that.” “Well these people never lived like we do now so they don’t know any different,” I said. Then someone shoved me. I turned and looked it and it was the same boys again. “Hey,” I shouted. They saw me and started running. I ran after them. “It was him it was him,” Joshua pointed to another kid. I chased after that kid. “He pushed me,” he pointed to Josh. I chased after Josh again. We ran around the kids in the hall and I caught up and shoved Josh back and headed to math. When I got there, another kid was in my seat. “Hey, get out of my seat,” I yelled. “Why?” he said. “Because it’s my seat.” “Does it have your name on it?” “No.” “So it’s mine.” I dropped my binder and pulled on the kid. “Hey what are you doing?” he cried. “Get out of my seat or I will be tough,” I yelled. “Let go of me,” he cried. “Fight fight fight,” said other kids in our class. The kid grabbed me back and I punched him in the stomach. The boy grabbed himself there. Then the door opened again and it was Mrs. Zeller. “What’s going on? Matt, what happened?” “Natalie slugged him,” said another student. “Natalie, come with me,” said Mrs. Zeller. I followed her into the back and she closed the door. We were in a tiny room and it was a closet. “Why did you hit him?” “He was in my seat,” I said. “We don’t have assigned seats in this class.” Oops, I got so used to assigned seats, I forgot this class had none so I thought he was being mean and stole my seat. “Oh, I forgot,” I said. “I am so used to teachers having assigned seats I thought this class had them too and we always sit in the same desks.” “We do not tolerant violence here so there is going to have to be a consequence,” said Mrs. Zeller. I waited for her to say what the punishment will be. “I need you to go apologize to Matt and I will talk to your principal about this incident. Also I have found you a tutor and he will be meeting you during lunch to help you with your problems you missed. Is that alright with you?” “I have to see Mrs. Bitch, I mean Kink during lunch,” I said. “Did you just call her that word?” Mrs. Zeller asked. “On accident,” I said. “It slipped.” “You need to treat adults with respect. Calling them names behind their backs is poor choice of behavior and not respectful. Why do you need to see her during lunch?” “I got in trouble,” I said. Luckily she didn’t ask me what I did “wrong” in that class. She just told me my help would start tomorrow and she will let that kid know. She opened the door and led me out. I walked over to Matt and apologized and told him I thought we had assigned seats so I thought he stole my chair and did it to be mean. “No problem,” he said. I sat down in an empty desk. The other kids were sitting down and they were in their usual seats except for Matt and I. Mrs. Zeller took our attendance and set it by the door. We all got our math books and started where we left off yesterday. We got through ten problems and everyone turned their work in. I turned mine in too. I went to my locker and got my Game Boy games and brought them to class with me in my winter jacket. I got bothered by the same kids again and I told them “Don’t” in a firm voice and told them I don’t like it and I hate them for it so knock it off. I got to Spanish and sat down. Jason came in next after Aubry and Jeff. Jason had a sack with him and he set it on my desk. “These are all my Game Boy games mom has bought me over the years and with my own money.” “I can’t borrow any,” I said. “Mom and Dad took my Game Boy away as a punishment.” “That sucks,” he said. “When do you get it back?” “Never unless I tell them about Mrs. B-I-T-C-H.” “If your mom is anything like my mom, she will listen to you.” “That’s not it,” I said. “Something bad will happen if I tell her and she finds out and bam it will happen.” “What will happen?” “I can’t tell you or something bad will happen,” I said. “Mrs. Kink got her,” said Russell. He said her real name because Mr. Leaf was in our class, same reason why I spelled her fake name out. “I would rather call her Mrs. Trunchbull,” I said. “Trunchbull? She is thousand times more worse than Kink.” “She is the real life Trunchbull,” I said. “The one in the movie was fake and no way would she be able to do those things in real life and get away with it.” I took out my two Game Boy games and set them on my desk. “These are all I have,” I said. “You don’t have more?” “No, just these I don’t like.” “Like? You mean you do have more?” “Yes.” “Why didn’t you bring them?” “Because I don’t know if you will give me my game back so I am giving you the ones I don’t like to see if you do bring it back.” “So if I bring you back your game, you will let me borrow the other ones you have?” “Yes,” I said. “Okay.” He grabbed one of Brian’s old games and stuck it in his jacket pocket. “Pick out a game from here,” he said holding his sack. “I can’t, no Game Boy,” I said. “So, it will be if you ever get it back and then you will have a game to play.” “I can’t get it back unless I tell them and I won’t.” “Well if you do ever get it back, you have to wait until next week to pick out a game from here.” He took his sack and went to his desk and the bell rang a minute later.
I counted my diapers again when class ended. I should have seventeen but there were sixteen left. I had to count again to make sure. I had nineteen yesterday when I brought more in and then I changed and it left eighteen and then I changed again during drama and it left seventeen. I had not changed yet today and there should still be seventeen left but now I only had sixteen. After I grab a diaper, there will be fifteen left and still should be at Drama. I grabbed one out of there and my wipes and headed to the bathroom to change. I went in Mrs. Bitch’s room during lunch time. I didn’t see anyone in the room so I just walked around waiting. Then Mrs. Bitch came in with her tray of food. “Oh you’re here already, good. Now I what I want you to do is.” She put her food on her desk and picked up one of the markers and wrote a sentence on the board. “Write this on the board until it’s all filled up. You ever watch The Simpsons?” “Yes,” I said. “Good, now you know what you are supposed to do what Bart does in every opening. Now get to work and I will be sitting here watching while I eat.” The sentence I had to write over and over was “I will not be smart and talk back in class.” I started to write it on the board. I wrote it fast but I couldn’t write it in a straight line and that didn’t make Mrs. Bitch very happy so she made me do it over. “I have trouble writing in a straight line without any lines,” I said. “Hush, get to work.” I got to work again. I tried to write it in a straight line. My tummy was grumbling due to having no lunch. I picked up an eraser and used it to keep myself writing in a straight line. “Didn’t have lunch I see,” said Mrs. Bitch. I wonder how she knew. Oh yeah, she wanted me in here. Why did she have to say it though? I only got part way on the board when the bell rang. “You write slow,” said Mrs. Bitch. “You will continue coming in here every day until you can fill those boards up.” Oh no I didn’t want to be in here every day and I would have to starve every day now unless I start bringing my own food to school and eating it between Spanish and Math. I put the marker and eraser down and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. Then I headed to PE. I couldn’t take this torture, I decided I wanted to just go back to my old school where I would rather be picked on by a bunch of kids. It was either tell my mom and dad and get teased here too by a bunch of kids or go back to my old school and get teased by a bunch of kids. It didn’t matter, either way I will be picked on at both schools.
During PE I was in a bad mood. I played hard on an empty stomach and I accidentally rammed into Shelly and she got mad at me for running into her even though I said sorry. “Jesus, watch where you are going,” she said. “I said I was sorry, are you deaf,” I shouted. I went back to playing. I hate idiots. My tummy grumbled from lack of food. I was starving and I would have to wait until I got home to eat. Soon it was time for group therapy and me, Jason, and Jared all headed to it. I just stayed quiet the whole time and wouldn’t even participate so I didn’t earn any fake money. I just didn’t care anymore. Mrs. Grenzle would try and get me to participate by getting me to talk but I said I had nothing to say and then I snapped when she kept nagging me to join in. All I did was shout saying I had nothing to say so quit trying to get me to talk. Mrs. Grenzle decided to just keep me after therapy to discuss something with me.
After class ended, I stayed. “See you in next class,” Jason told me. After everyone left to head to their class, Mrs. Grenzle sat next to me. “You were quiet the whole time and it was unlike for you to participate. Is anything bothering you?” Yes, I thought. “No,” I said. “So why the silence?” “Nothing to say,” I said. “You were acting all moody like something is wrong.” “That was because you kept pestering me and I hate it when people don’t listen so I snap to get them to listen,” I said. “I know adjusting to a new school must be hard and all these new kids but pretty soon you will get used to it.” I thought this school would be so much better if I didn’t have Mrs. Bitch. I was getting sick of this and decided I will just start recording her every time she teaches and hopefully she will talk to me. Then the school would have to listen to me and not take the teacher’s side when they see she is treating me unfairly and punishing me for no reason. My tummy grumbled again. “Are you hungry?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “Yes,” I said. “Did you have lunch?” “No,” I said. “Why not?” “I had to do something and I didn’t have time to eat,” I said. “Well lunch is very important and you can’t skip it. It’s not good to go on an empty stomach or else it affects your learning and concentration and your mind will be stuck on food so next time, don’t skip it.” “What if a teacher wanted you to come in their class for lunch?” I asked. “Then you get your food and ask for a take away tray and they will put your food on it and give it to you and you bring it to their class. Is that what happened? Did you have to go to a teacher during lunch time and you thought you couldn’t have lunch?” “Yes,” I said. “Goodness, no wonder were quiet in class, you’re starving and it’s hard for you to focus on the topic and participate because food is all you could think about. I will get you a snack to tie you over so you aren’t so hungry, come with me.” I followed her to her office and it looked like a normal room but it was small. It had two comfy chairs and a desk and other furniture in the room. She opened the cupboard and took out two boxes of granola bars. “I hope you like granola. I have raisin and almond, which do you want or one of each?” “One of each,” I said. She handed me one of each and I started to open the raisin one. I ate it fast as she wrote something on a piece of paper. Then she handed it to me and told me it was for my next class for if I am late. I thanked her. “Don’t forget to eat lunch,” she reminded me. “A teacher isn’t allowed to deny you it so you can still get your lunch and bring it to class.” “Okay,” I said. I felt better. So Mrs. Bitch wouldn’t be able to deny me lunch after all and I thought I couldn’t have any since I had to go to her class during lunch time and now I knew. Maybe that was why she was surprised to see me in her classroom so soon. I went to my locker and got my binder and headed to Geography. I finished both my bars by then and I felt better but I was still hungry. I saw Jason again. “Why did she keep you after class?” he asked. “To talk,” I said. “Why?” “I was quiet in group was why.” “Normies always have a problem with people being quiet,” he said. “They must feel threatened by it. That is what makes them so stupid.” “My mom has seemed to have gotten a little worried whenever my brother, sister, and I were all quiet in the car. It was as if we were supposed to be making noise and fighting and arguing and bugging each other she yells at us to be quiet and then when we would be quiet, it was always a worry for her,” I said. “I’m glad I don’t have siblings, they must be annoying.” “They are,” I said. “I used to pick on my little brother because he gets upset for no reason and freaks out whenever someone moves something in his room when he could just move it back and get it over with without making a big deal about it.” “It is a big deal,” said Jason. “When people touch my stuff, it always upsets me deeply and puts me into rage and makes me feel like I am going to I don’t know how to describe it. It would put me into a crying spell and having a tantrum because it’s so overwhelming. I like everything to be predictable and when someone moves something in my room, it upsets me and it feels like my world is out of control.” “Also my little brother is a Pokey Little Puppy my mom has to do everything for him like drag him downstairs, give him his cereal, pull him upstairs and brush his teeth and hair, get his lunch and backpack and shoes, putting them on him.” “Transitioning, that is tough,” said Jason. “I used to be slow every morning too until my mom decided to send me to school with bad breath and messy hair and I picked up the pace after that,” I said. “No way will my mom do that to him, she says it won’t work with him. He also takes too long to get to dinner when supper is ready and we all have to wait on him.” “It sounds like he has a hard time with transitioning from one thing to another so your mom has to do it all for him. Does she take him to the bus too?” I nodded. “He also won’t follow the rules,” I started to say but the bell rang. “So we have to put his dishes in the sink for him or dishwasher because he won’t do it right away and he leaves his stuff out so we have to put it away for him or Dad will get upset if it’s out.” “He probably finds those rules pointless and make no sense to him so he won’t follow them,” said Jason. “I never like following rules that make no sense either and there has to be a reason behind it and if I agree with it, I will follow it. My mom on the other hand will follow any rule and she always tells me ‘break a rule get a consequence, don’t complain about it.’ She would not want to hear about me losing my hat in school because I kept wearing it in class and I refused to follow that rule to not wear it inside and the teacher took it, she didn’t want to hear about the teacher taking it from me and me being upset about it. She said “if you choose to break it, you have no right to complain about getting punished for it.” “I have that same thought,” I said. “I think that way too. I always think kids are stupid when they break rules and then get mad about getting in trouble for it and saying their teacher is mean.” “That is a problem with my mom and I, we are both so different from each other it makes it hard for the both of us. She isn’t supportive if I do anything that is different than hers and she goes “you’re on your own” such as following rules. She thinks anyone is stupid and thinks I am too when I don’t follow them. She thinks people who get out of prison and then do the same crime again and go back are stupid. She thinks judges are stupid for even letting them out and she thinks they should just build an island and ship them all to there and I have told her they tried that once and it didn’t work. It was Australia and the British owned that island and would ship them there and it didn’t work.” “Why not?” I asked. “They built their own colony.” “So,” I said. “Just ship them there and they are not allowed to leave that island.” “It won’t work, they tried it once. Hell, even people have tried escaping from the Alcatraz by swimming across the channel.” “People wouldn’t be able to escape Australia, it’s too far away from other land.” “They can build ships and leave it.” “Put a huge barbed wire electric fence around it.” “They didn’t have that then.” “They would now.” “It won’t work, trust me.” “Okay, everyone is here I see, visit time is over and it’s time for me to start class” said Mr. Al. He put the attendance by the door. Jason and I couldn’t talk anymore.
During drama, I went to change my diaper again. I counted how many diapers I had left and it was still at fifteen. Good. I still wondered how shipping bad people to a land wouldn’t work. At least it would be filled with criminals and we wouldn’t have to worry about them. Who cares if they make their own society and have their own freedom, they could create their own laws and rules and their own punishments. They would have to find a way to build homes and survive on their own. Perhaps they would need some guards there and officers patrolling them to make sure they won’t build any ships or jets to escape. Or just buy an island and put all the inmates there and it will all be prison or turn one of our colonies into a prison island like we did with the Alcatraz and make it be far away from main land so they can’t escape and they will never be allowed to leave.
Allie and I saw each other in the hallway after school. I was heading out of school and we just started to talk. “I think someone is stealing my diapers,” I said. “Really?” “Yeah I had four last week on Friday and then there were three left yesterday and then I brought more in and had nineteen and now I only have fourteen left and I should have fifteen left.” “Maybe you are miscounting,” Allie suggested. “I thought so too but I know I am not. I counted carefully and remembered the number.” “Who would be taking them? That is so bizarre.” “I don’t know, maybe it’s someone who is a diaper wannabe.” “What’s a diaper wannabe?” “Someone who wants to wear diapers and don’t even need them and they want to be incontinent.” “You know about those people?” Allie asked. “Yeah, do you?” “I knew for a while now. I like going to their websites but Mom won’t let me and she calls them bad sites.” “Why?” I asked. “She says it’s not appropriate.” “How is it not appropriate?” I asked. “Because it’s not normal.” “How did you find them anyway?” “I just came across it online and I found all these message boards and at first they were by people who wear them for bed wetting and some admitted to wearing them for no reason at all because they find them comfortable to wear and then eventually I started finding websites that are about adults that like to be babies and wearing them. I wonder how many people actually like diapers, it looks like a lot online.” “Weird isn’t it?” I asked. “I wish I had that choice but it sickens me anyone would want to be incontinent. Who would want such life?” “Uh people who want to wear them,” Allie guessed. “They can wear them without having it. What’s stopping them from wearing them?” “Maybe they think if they have it, they can wear diapers and will be allowed to and not have to worry about getting teased about it and it will be more accepted from people. Do you think your mom and dad would let you wear them if you didn’t need to?” “I still got teased about it,” I said. “You were mean to me about it before remember? And I wouldn’t even be wearing them anyway if I didn’t need to because I wouldn’t even want to wear them and it’s making it hard for me to go to school here.” “How?” “It just is,” I said. “Keeping it a secret and it’s killing me.” “So let them find out and the stress is over.” “And get teased about it again?” I asked. “Better to spill it now than having it eat you alive,” said Allie. “Then you will know for sure what the results are and not have to worry anymore. Well I better get to my van, see you tomorrow. Hey will you be online again tonight, you weren’t on last night.” “I’m grounded from the computer,” I said. “Till when?” she shouted as she was walking away. “Until I tell them about the Trunchbull.” “Trunchbull?” “Mrs. Bitch,” I said. “Oh,” and she laughed. I saw her going to her van. Kids from my van bugged me again for not riding with them. I told them I was not riding with them ever again and why do they even want me if they hate me. “Hate you?” Mark asked. “You’re all mean to me.” “You need help,” and he walked away with Brian. I had no idea what that was about. Why do I need help because of them?
Soon Mom picked me up and I got in. “I want to go back to my old school,” I said. “I can’t stand this.” “Your principal called and she told me you hit a boy in your class,” said Mom. “I thought he was being mean to me and I apologized,” I said. “Also she said you were using bad language.” “I accidentally called Mrs. Kink Mrs. Bitch in front of my math teacher.” “It seems like ever since you started going to this school, you have been having problems. At home and there, what’s going on?” “All this will end if I go back to my old school or if you get me out of her class,” I said. Mom sighed. “I am going to talk to your father when he gets home, I don’t know what to do with you. Last night you gave up video games just to stay in your room, that is not like you and this morning you seemed grumpy and in a bad mood and you were hard to get you out of bed and downstairs for breakfast. Then I go in your room to peel more wallpaper off and I see what you wrote and drew all over. Clearly it looked like you were angry, the f word, the b word, the stick drawings, what was that all about?” “Mrs. Bitch,” I said. “Then when I brought you to school, you start screaming and crying like I was abandoning you and then I heard someone yelling at you.” “It was her,” I said. My tummy grumbled. Nothing else was said for a few minutes and then Mom told me, “Your father told me you wanted to try cloth diapers so I washed them for you and I put them on your bed with the plastic pants. So you can put them on whenever you want. If you need any help, let me know.” Then Mom didn’t say anything else. When we got home, I went right to the fridge after taking off my shoes. I didn’t bother taking off my coat. I set my backpack down in the kitchen and opened the fridge and got out a cup of yogurt. I got a spoon out of the drawer and I took the lid off and pulled the cover off and ate it fast. I had another yogurt and ate it fast too and then I was done eating. I threw them away and put the spoon in the dishwasher. Mom told me to go to my room again until I tell her what is really going on in school and I can only come out if I have to clean up for having a messy diaper and then go back to my room again. Matthew was in the family room playing GoldenEye and Kelly was just leaving to go baby sit Ellie and James and Veronica was back from the hospital and their dad was out of town and their mother had to go to some meeting. Mom told her to have fun. “Sure I will have fun, these are eight year olds I am watching,” Kelly sounded sarcastic. I don’t know why she sounded that way. Maybe her tone was off. I stayed in my room and it was a bad night because I felt trapped and I drew more on the walls and wrote more bad words. I even drew a stick figure of myself pushing Mrs. Bitch off a cliff. I also drew a stick figure of Jonathon beating her up and she dies and he becomes a hero thanks to his ODD. I also picked up the scraper and started to scrape at Mrs. Bitch. The paint was peeling off but I didn’t care. Then Mom came in my room and saw what I was doing. She didn’t even knock. “What are you doing, there is no paper to peel off there.” “Nothing,” I said. Mom walked over and looked at what I was doing. She saw the peeled off white paint and my stick drawings. Then she noticed my new drawings. “Can you tell me about these drawings here you did, who are the people in the picture and what is happening in them,” said Mom. I started with Jonathon. “This is Jonathon here, the boy that went to my school and he was violent. He needed two teachers with him so they could pull him off anyone who he attacks. Then one day he attacked Mrs. Bitch and she had him arrested and she had black eye and bruises. Well he gets mad at Mrs. Bitch and attacks her and this time he beats her to death and she dies and he is a hero.” “So she is dead now?” Mom asked. “Yeah,” I said. “So why are you still having trouble with her and asking to switch teachers, is this another Mrs. Bitch?” Mom asked. “No, in the picture she died, Jonathon didn’t kill her in real life but I wish he did.” “Can you tell me about your other drawings?” Mom asked. “This is me pushing her off a cliff,” I pointed to the stick picture. “It looks like a line with stick figures on top,” said Mom. I went to the other picture. “This picture here is of kids all gaining up on her trying to get rid of her and scare her off so she would quit her job there as a sub. And this drawing here is also them beating her up and this one here is the pushing her around the room and slamming her into the desks and walls and tables.” I pointed to all the drawings of stick kids beating her up and torturing her. “Huh, interesting,” said Mom. “I remember drawing pictures of your Uncle John getting tortured and my mom found them and flipped out about it. We both think alike but you’re more functional than I am.” John is my uncle who is autistic and Mom hated him growing up because she was jealous he got his way and she didn’t and they all had to do Groundhog Day to avoid his tantrums and my mom would provoke them and take movies of it and things were always easy for him because her parents always went easy on him and not on her and let him have his way and have everything be his way. “What did your drawings look like about him?” I asked. “Where’s the pen, I will show you,” said Mom. I looked for the pen and picked it off the floor and handed it to her. “I will be doing stick figures because it’s quicker. I drew them like this.” Mom started to draw on my wall too and she drew a little stick figure and drew a bigger stick figure and it was over the smaller stick figure and she drew arms over it and scribbled circles at the end for hands. “This was him being beaten by someone.” Mom drew another one and it was a little stick figure on a rope on a thing that is used to hang people. Then she drew another one and she drew a stick chair and drew a little person in it and scribbled over the face and drew the hat for the head. Mom drew more and I saw the stick figure being whipped with a rope or belt and another stick figure being kicked and then one in some cabinet with his head in it. She drew a small stick figure and a bigger one above it and had a line going down on the smaller stick figure from the crotch. Then she drew a stick figure animal and it attacked the smaller stick figure. She then drew a smaller stick figure again and a bigger stick figure and she gave it an ex and it hit the smaller stick figure with it. She drew was the smaller stick figure being kicked by a bigger stick figure. She kept drawing more and more and all of them were nothing but torture and abuse. She drew them fast. “And my mom flipped out about all this and I see you doing this and I didn’t get mad at you about it,” said Mom putting my pen down. “Uh Mom, those are really brutal drawings, mine were not anywhere near that,” I said. “Mine were a bit detailed and graphic,” said Mom. “Do you still have those drawings?” “No, I don’t know what my mom did with them, maybe she threw them out or ripped them or burned them. But they were just drawings. It’s a way to let your feelings out without hurting anyone.” I looked at Mom’s pictures again and I think they showed how much she hated her brother and the fact she wanted him tortured and dead so she drew them. She had really dark fantasies about him. No wonder she was mean to him. “Did you get in trouble for the drawings?” I asked. “I don’t remember. I remember she got mad at me about it and it didn’t change anything. She made reading material off limits to me because she believed it influenced all this.” “Why” “Because I read a lot and I read about capital punishments and slavery and it gave me ideas she thought and she thought all the other stuff I drew came from reading too. I had a lot more than I showed you. But stuff also came from my own head what I wanted done to him like animal attacking him, peeing on him, rubbing soiled diapers on him, pushing him down the stairs, kicking him, beating him, slamming his head with a cupboard door, burning him on the hot stove or with hot water or throwing boiling water on him.” I was now stuck with all these images on my wall and it was giving me the creeps and I felt pain inside of me because of the little person being tortured and fried to death and it was being done to a child. Why did Mom have to show me these awful drawings? Oh because I asked her is why and she showed me. Maybe that was why Grandma Del flipped out. “I always called my drawings The Torture Adventures of John,” said Mom. “It was like a drawing series I did, a visual comic.” “This is all grossing me out,” I said. “I can’t wait to get all this painted over so I wouldn’t have to see them.” Mom laughed. I didn’t see what was so funny. “What’s so funny?” “I don’t know,” she said. “So why are you laughing?” “I don’t know.” “Why are you saying that?” “I don’t know.” I hate her I don’t know answers. I hate it whenever she does it. “It always helped me feel better when I would do all these drawings,” said Mom. “I am sure you feel better after doing yours.” I shrugged. “So these are all fantasies right?” Mom asked me. “Yes,” I said. “What made you draw all these?” “I was mad so I drew them.” “Why?” “I’m trapped. I can skip class again and it wouldn’t matter because I can’t play video games anyway or do the computer or watch TV so that punishment is pointless.” “Just tell me what is going on and you can play them again,” said Mom. “And ruin my life,” I said. “What do you mean?” “Have everyone know my secret.” “Your incontinence?” “Yes.” “Why?” “I can’t tell you or everyone will know,” I said. “What do you mean? You’re not making sense.” I started to feel panic again. “I will rather not have any video game privileges and TV and computer than face my old life again or I will mind as well go back to my old school,” I said. “Natalie, tell me and I promise it will be fine. I see you are frustrated with this teacher so you are drawing things about her and you are upset over a few things she has done and you’re still not telling me the real reason why you want out of her class and why you are cutting it and would rather be stuck in your room with no computer and TV and video games and you seem to be having problems lately.” I decided to take Jason’s advice and try and tell her and hopefully she will listen and not tell my school. Then the whole room started to shake and everything rattled and Mom was looking around the room. “Mom, the whole house is shaking,” Matthew shouted. Mom left my bedroom. The room still shook and then it was done. I looked around my room and everything looked normal again as if nothing happened. “That was a weird earthquake,” Mom told Matthew. “Last time we had one was when you were a baby and your father and I woke up in the middle of the night when our bed shaking and Natalie thought someone was under her bed shaking it and you and Kelly slept through it but Brian woke up from his dresser shaking and his bed and then it was over before he could get out of bed.” This earthquake happened fast and it didn’t even last any more than a few seconds. I remember the one we had was in the middle of the night and I woke up and my bed was shaking and I started screaming and I got out of bed and ran in the hallway started crying and my parents were already up. Then my bed was no longer shaking when Mom put me back in it. It seemed like a long one and who knows how long it had been going on when I woke up. But in school, teachers and the school principal wouldn’t quit talking about it and all day long we had to be under our tables and then run to the doors or under other tables in the library and instead of reading a story, we all had to spend our time running under a table and hiding or run to the door and stand there. The school wouldn’t stop obsessing about it. We would be in our seats working and the principal would make an announcement to hide under our tables again and desks. It wasn’t long after my eighth birthday when it happened. I also remember some other kids slept through it too including Veronica. I could remember hearing about it at the bus stop too by parents. I was hoping it wouldn’t be a huge deal again like last time and it was the only earth quake I have been in. I have heard of another one in fourth grade but I didn’t feel it. Maybe it was so light, no one felt it but I could remember Matthew saying his juice was moving in his cup and I remember me and him argued about it and I said if he shakes the table and keeps jumping around the juice will move in his cup and he said he wasn’t touching the table. Then the next day, our teacher announces we had an earth quake last night and I remember Matthew saying that night “I told you.” I wondered if I would be hearing about this in school tomorrow. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be made a big deal again this time like it was the first time and the second time, not as bad. Mom never came back in my room. I slowly messed in my diaper. I didn’t feel like drawing anymore and I turned my back to my wall so I wouldn’t have to see the brutal drawings. Instead I looked at the cloth diapers that were lying on my bed. They were laid flat and they had snaps on them. They were white and were not squared like the other cloth diapers. They were shaped like disposable diapers. Back in the days, disposable diapers were shaped like cloth ones they looked like under pads. I could remember Grandma Del telling me about it and she said they were expensive so she used cloth and they didn’t have tapes on them until Aunt Caitlin and Aunt Jane were born so you had to use pins to put them on like cloth diapers and when you changed it, you flushed it down the toilet, now you have to throw them away. But I could remember the time she told me a story how someone she knew flushed her kid’s diaper down the toilet and it clogged it so it overfilled and flooded the basement so she never ever flushed a diaper down the toilet after that. She guesses when it kept on happening, the company decided it needed to be disposed so they started having on the boxes about do not flush them and to dispose them instead so no one else will have backed up toilets and have a flood. I felt the cloth diapers on my bed and smelled them and they smelled like fresh laundry. They didn’t look too absorbent. I decided I would just try it after I get out of this diaper. I just lied on my bed to try and sleep. I felt lost without videogames. I knew there were other things I could do like read, color, listen to music, play my board games and do puzzles but the feeling didn’t go away. I started to feel tired and closed my eyes.
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