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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 19, 2013 14:58:09 GMT
Chapter 11
I lied in my new bedroom that night. It felt exciting and very different. I could see the sports wallpaper with the lights off. There was even the sports curtains and the whit window blinds. I had them closed so I wouldn’t have bright light in here from the outside like from the moon and the stars and lights from neighbor’s houses. I was facing the backyard now so I didn’t even have streetlights shining through my windows or see lights travel across the bedroom walls from cars passing by. But I still preferred dark so I had the shades drawn. Mom likes it even darker so she has thick blankets up over her windows in the master bedroom. Dad says he can never see a thing at night so he has to walk like a blind person and Mom sure has eagle eyes to see in the dark since she can walk to the bathroom no problem at night. Dad sleeps across from the bathroom so he can get to it easily. He even turns on lights when he walks in the dark and I don’t turn on lights. I can find my way around the house at night with no lights on. I can feel for the glasses, I can see where the fridge is for water and I know how high it goes because I use my finger to feel it and I know where to put the glass without any lights on. Kelly has to turn on the lights too and Brian did the same thing when he lived here. I also couldn’t even hear a car go by anymore because I was facing the backyard now instead of the street. Things felt quieter in this bedroom than the other one I slept in for seven years. I think I made the right bet and it was a good thing I lost.
In the morning, I got on the Diaper Story’s Board again and I saw there were other threads and none of them were diaper stories. I read the off topic thread I started asking about why I was kicked off the forum and I saw people were fighting and so was the owner of the incontinent board. I even saw another topic get posted and one of my friends had created a new incontinent board and told me it’s for me to post at with them and I won’t be banned from there. I was happy people stood up for me from the incontinent board. There was even a few topics on the board already. I will be sure to write down the link. I grabbed a piece of paper and pen and wrote it down. It was a long link. Kelly’s room looked more open due to less furniture and the closet looked more open because it has less stuff in there. But the mattress was missing from the bottom bunk and so was the table next to it because it was in my room now. Kelly has a lamp attached to the top bunk of her bed. * * * Mom, Matthew, Kelly, and I all went to Freddy’s people in my family love to call Fred Meyer. Dad likes to call Mount Hood The Hooter and Mount St Helens Saint Hell or Mount Saint Hell because it erupted twenty years ago and it was a lot of gas and ash and a bunch of mud flows and it ruined the whole forest around it and bridges and houses, and cities and towns nearby were covered in ash especially in other states like Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado because the wind brought it there, it went pretty far as Oklahoma and Minnesota. Mom and Dad and Brian were not affected by the disaster because the wind didn’t blow that direction for them to get it when it happened but they could remember hearing about it on TV but Brian was too little to remember. My old math teacher Mr. Niehaus saw the eruption and he was in Junior High when it happened. It was just a lot of smoke going in the air from the mountain and it made it look dark out even though it was daylight and there was ash in the air as it happened. He even had up a picture of downtown Portland with it erupting in the background in his classroom. He even had a bottle of ash but someone stole it before I was a student in his class. Shame I wasn’t alive to see it because I wasn’t even born yet. Everyone says Mount Hood is a volcano and it will erupt someday and it had erupted before but it was long before we were all born. I hope we don’t have another Mount St Helens incident and if it does happen, I better not be living here by then or be dead by then or it better just be ash. Makes me think of the movie Dante’s Peak when the whole entire town got destroyed by the volcano because they lived so close to it. I was even told the movie was based on the incident because of similarities in it to Mount Saint Helens. One thing I never understood about Mount St Helens is this one guy who refused to leave his lodge became a hero for it. How does being stupid for refusing to leave your lodge and getting killed make you a hero? But yet if I killed myself right now because I couldn’t stand being different, no one would see me as a hero for it. When Adolf Hitler killed himself, he was seen as a coward. Even my parents say he was a coward and my social studies teacher said it in school too last year and so did the other kids. But I always wonder why only fifty seven people died during the eruption despite it being a big disaster. I guess not many were near the mountain when it happened and because they were all evacuated and roads were closed off. They knew it was going to happen because of the earthquakes and the man refused to leave his lodge after living there for fifty four years and some people were rescued. When we were watching Dante’s Peak, Mom said the grandmother was stupid for not leaving her cabin so Harry and Rachel and the kids had to come get her when they were evacuating. I wonder if anyone has called her a hero for that. But Dad did call her one when she jumped in the lake to push the boat ashore to save everyone and she died from being burned from acid. We also have nicknames for other places like I call Burgerville Boogerville and Burger King Booger King and Dad calls McDonalds McDoogles, and I call Starbucks Starbicks, and I like to call Jack in the Box Jack Off in the Box and that nickname is a no no in our family. I remember the time I called Mount Hood The Hooter in school and I got in trouble for it. I didn’t understand why I got in trouble for such a name and then I found out in my teens hooter is boobs. No wonder I got in trouble. I just thought I wasn’t allowed to say the name and the teacher can decide what words can’t be said in class because they are the boss and they can make rules all they want. If they wanted to forbid anyone saying the word house, they may. Dad stayed home and he said he had things he wanted to get done (I knew what it was but no one else did) so Mom took us kids out and she also wanted to get her hair cut because it was getting too long and she always keeps it cut short because she hates brushing her hair. Mom left Kelly alone in the store looking at clothes and jewelry while Matthew looked in the electronic section. Mom and I looked at the wall paper for my room and paint. I didn’t know what I wanted for my room. Pink was my favorite color when I was little but did I want a pink bedroom? I saw Teletubby wallpaper but how would Mom react if I wanted that wallpaper. I saw some Disney wallpaper but I wasn’t sure how Mom would feel about that. I saw Barney wallpaper and I knew right away I did not want that and I did not want bright colors or dark colors. When I was little, I had ballerina wallpaper in my room on top of the walls. Then Matthew moved in there and it was all taken down and new wallpaper was put up. I didn’t see any James Bond wallpaper but I found Nintendo wallpaper. Mom kept asking me what I wanted and I said I didn’t know what I wanted. “What do you like?” she asked. I was too shy to answer. “We can always peel the wallpaper off and leave it white,” said Mom. “We don’t have to paint your room or put up new wallpaper or we can paint it the same color as Kelly’s room.” I didn’t think I wanted my whole entire room covered in wallpaper but I also couldn’t decide what color I wanted. Would my room look good with pink? I better stick with white. My old room looked fine with pale yellow and I wasn’t sure if I wanted the same color again. It wasn’t too dark or too bright. “I’ll just stick with white walls,” I said. “Any wallpaper?” Mom asked. “No,” I said. “I can’t make up my mind.” “Of course not, your head doesn’t open,” said Mom. “What?” I asked. Mom laughed. “I’m teasing. You said you couldn’t make up your mind so I said you head doesn’t open.” “But why did you say my head doesn’t open?” I asked. “Because makeup is what women wear and you said you couldn’t make up your mind, get it?” “Oh,” I said. I got it now. Mom took me to the shelves to look at. We looked at what they had and they had ones we had to put together that went in closets. We picked what we wanted and got a couple bookshelves for my room since Kelly kept them in her room. Then we got some things we needed like more baby wipes for me, shampoo, toilet paper, laundry soap, cat food, and dog food. We also picked out a cover for my bed that goes above it and it was called a canopy. Now I knew what my kind of bed was called. Then we saw some Halloween stuff on sale. They didn’t have much of it left and Mom started grabbing some candy. “I hope Dad won’t mind,” said Mom. “It’s only fifty percent off. But you’re here to make sure I won’t go overboard with spending.” I watched Mom picking up each bag of candy, I don’t mean every one of it, I mean one of each kind. She even picked up some Halloween stuff. “Is that going overboard?” I asked. “How much should I get?” she asked. “I don’t know.” Mom put the Halloween stuff in her cart she liked. Candy and some decorations including the pumpkin carving kit. She didn’t grab everything. Did I mention she has a sweet tooth? That is where I get mine from. Even Grandma Del has a sweet tooth. We’re all sweet people. But Mom doesn’t buy sweets often because she knows she will just eat it up fast and that stuff isn’t even healthy. Then Mom took the candy back out of the cart and put it back. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I am not young anymore, I will just gain weight from too much sugar and then I will have to work on losing it again,” she said. “And I don’t want it sitting in my house for months and have you kids eating all this sugar.” She only kept one package of candy in her cart. We headed to the checkout counter. We waited in line and then we put the stuff on the counter and the cashier started scanning it when our turn came. We kept the big stuff in the cart and the cashier scanned it and told Mom the total. Mom took out her card. “Debit or credit?” the cashier asked. “Debit,” said Mom. She slid the card in the machine and punched in her number. “Will you need help taking this stuff out to the car or are you fine?” the cashier asked. “I’m fine, my kids can help,” said Mom. The cashier handed Mom her receipt and told her to have a nice day. Mom grabbed the bags and told me to push the cart. I did and I had a hard time pushing it. Mom started pulling it so I wouldn’t be pushing it into stuff. No wonder she wanted to help me push the cart with her when we went to the check out. We went out to the car and we put everything inside it. We even had to put the back seat down and put the boxes in it. It was even hanging on top of the middle seat too. Then we closed the doors and locked the car and went back inside with the cart. Mom put the cart away with the other carts in the front entrance and we went inside for real. We went to the electronic section. Matthew was still there and he was playing the new Legend of Zelda on the Nintendo 64. I saw they also had Playstation 2 out and a game was on it for people to play. I looked around and they had no Sega Genesis games or Super Nintendo. A year ago stores still had them but now stores seem to not have them anymore. They had Nintendo 64 games, Dreamcast, Playstaton 2, Playstation, Game Boy Color and they still had some regular Game Boy Games. They even had a list of upcoming games on the display case. I looked at all the Nintendo 64 games and the game systems they had. I saw they had GoldenEye and Super Mario 64 and Mario Kart 64 and Kirby 64. They also had two Zelda games, Mario Party and Mario Party 2, South Park and South Park Chef’s Luv Shack. They had a bunch of other games I was not interested in and I saw a few others I was interested in like that new James Bond game. Matthew was still playing Zelda. There were a bunch of games I wanted for Nintendo 64 so I had to make up my mind what game I wanted with it. Then I remembered I was supposed to get GoldenEye with it so I decided on that game. I sniffed the air enjoying the new store smell. I tried the new Zelda game when Matthew decided to play a game on Dreamcast the store had on. I was in some palace and I had to avoid getting caught or else I would get thrown out and would have to start all over. I didn’t know why Link was some other creature. Then I pushed a button and he took it off and I was Link again. Then I put the mask back on and he transformed again. I also saw I had some other masks when I pressed start and looked at the menu. So this game had masks I wore. Mom then asked me if I have picked out a game I wanted. I told her I wanted GoldenEye. Mom told me to go over and get the game. “I can’t, it’s locked,” I said. “Ask a store employee to get it out for you.” I quit playing and looked for an employee to open the case for me. I went to the checkout and told the guy behind the counter I wanted to get a game out of the case. He grabbed the keys and he followed me to the Nintendo 64 games. Mom was there waiting for me. “Now which game do you want?” he asked. I saw his name tag and it said Adam. “GoldenEye,”I said. He opened the case and took the game out and I also pointed to the game system. He took that out too. “We will need two,” said Mom. Adam pulled out two boxes of the game system. “Anything else?” he asked. “Hold on,” said Mom. She walked away and got Matthew and told him to pick out a game. He paused the game and ran over to the games and started looking. Then he selected Kirby 64. Adam took it out and asked if it was everything. Mom said yes and he closed the case but as we walked to the checkout counter, Matthew stopped and said “wait.” “What is it?” Mom asked. “I don’t play video games as often as Natalie does so I don’t need a Nintendo 64 because I will already have one.” “But if you want to play it, there will be an extra one for you,” said Mom. “But she does computer and watches her movie and TV and I can play it then,” he said. “Are you sure? You have complained about not being able to use the computer.” “Yes I am sure. I will play it this time when she does her other things.” “Okay, we only need one then,” Mom told Adam. He went back to the case and put one of the game systems back and closed it again and went to the checkout counter. He scanned the item and the two games and told Mom the total. She took her card out again and Adam asked for ID. Mom took out her driver’s license and showed him. “Thank you.” Mom slid the card I the machine and put in her number and Adam put the stuff in the bag and handed it to her with the receipt. “Have a nice day,” he said. Then we had to look for Kelly. “Why do they always have to use these noisy lights?” Matthew asked. “They save energy and use less electricity,” said Mom. “How can people stand the buzzing noise?” “I can’t even hear them,” I said. “Not everyone can hear them,” said Mom. “Why not? Are they deaf?” Matthew asked. “No, everyone just hears differently. Some people just hear too little so they are considered deaf.” Mom looked in the Juniors section and there was no sign of Kelly. We kept walking around looking for her. Matthew was calling her name and so was I. Then Kelly came out from the fitting rooms carrying a pair of pants and a bra. “These were on sale and look at this cool bra I found,” Kelly showed us. “Ew,” said Matthew. “Nice,” said Mom. “Oh look what I also found, three for ten,” said Kelly. She showed us three pairs of panties she had in her arms. They were all childish looking but they were bikini underwear. “Shame Natalie can’t wear these,” said Kelly. “Shame you have to stop to take a potty break,” I said. “She can wear them over her diapers, what’s stopping her?” Mom asked. I looked around and there was no one nearby. “They won’t even fit over them,” said Kelly. “We’re leaving now,” said Mom. “Pay up if you’re buying them.” Kelly headed to the checkout and paid for her stuff using her own money she earned. Then we left the store and went to our car. “Oh what games did you get?” Kelly asked looking in the bag. “Oh I am not surprised.” She tossed my GoldenEye game aside and picked up Kirby. “How come they get games and I didn’t?” Kelly asked. “Because of a deal we made with them,” said Mom. “How come you never made this deal with me, no fair,” said Kelly. “This will be the only time we get them games,” said Mom. If only Mom knew I would be getting one every month from Dad. “Kids, if the controllers break and the system, they won’t be replaced,” Mom announced. “What about the games?” Matthew asked. “Those too.”
The next stop was the hair cutting place. Mom parked the car and we got out. We went inside and sat down and waited. It was a small hair cutting place so there was only one hair cutter. There was already a guy getting his hair cut and the place was dark because it had no lights on above us. Matthew said he loved it because it wasn’t too bright and he didn’t have to listen to the buzzing sound and there wasn’t too much smell like all the other hair cutting places have. Then when the man was done getting his hair cut, him and the other woman left after they paid. Mom went first and she told the lady all she wants is her hair cut up to above her shoulders and have it be low maintenance as always. The hair cutter started to do her work on her hair. I just sat and played my game. Matthew just walked around and Kelly just looked at a magazine. After Mom was done getting her hair cut, Mom asked us if any of us wanted to get our hair cut. “Me,” said Kelly. “I have too many split ends.” She sat down in the chair and the hair cutter put the apron on her and raised the chair up. She also put the white thing around her neck and sprayed her hair with a spray bottle and started combing it. Mom was so glad it was all over getting her hair done. I decided on a new look for myself. I wanted short hair and get rid of my long hair that went down below my shoulders. I wanted it cut real short above my shoulders so I looked in a magazine at different hair styles. Lot of the models were blonde. Then I found a hair style I liked and left it open and went back to my game. Then when Kelly’s turn was over, my turn was next. I showed the hair cutter the picture. “Okay,” she said. I sat in the chair and she put the apron on me and raised the chair up. She put a white thing around my neck. I have no idea what those are called. She grabbed a spray bottle and sprayed my hair and grabbed a comb and started brushing it. When I was little, I hated getting my hair cut so it always terrified me to get my hair washed and have it get cut for some reason and as I got older it got less scary but I hated having to sit still and my head would itch and my whole body and any strand of hair touching my face would make it itch. But I had gotten used to it and the feeling of my hair being combed and having it get touched and cut feels good now but I still hate having a piece of hair on my face. Mom would just cut my hair herself and didn’t care if it wasn't perfect. She didn’t let it grow out because I hated getting my hair brushed so having it cut short made it quicker to get it brushed. It was also easier to wash it and I hated having my hair washed. Now it was below my shoulders and I decided I wanted a change. The hair cutter put lot of my hair up using those clips and she started to cut. I just looked in the mirror and we talked. She was in her early thirties and she had three children ages seven, five, and two. She had been a beautitionist for ten years but had breaks in between because of her kids. She wasn’t into video games so she had never played GoldenEye and she had never seen the movie either. She wasn’t a fan of James Bond. She was boring so I had nothing else to talk about so she asked me questions about myself instead and I answered them. I wanted to talk about adult babies and diaper lovers but then I would be spilling my secret and I don’t like people knowing I wear diapers. As she cut my hair, I put a load in my diaper. I felt embarrassed and all I got from her was “Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I lied. “You looked uneasy there for a sec,” she said. “No,” I said again. I sniffed my nose and smelled nothing. Did anyone else smell the mess? I hoped not. I couldn’t wait for her to get done with my hair.
Soon she was done with my hair and she lowered the chair down and took the apron and white thing off me. I looked at my hair in the mirror and it was all nice and short above my shoulder. My bangs were brushed aside. She kept them long and didn’t cut them short above my eye brows. I loved my new hairstyle. I couldn’t believe I decided to have mine short like Natalya’s. Her true hair color is blonde like mine because I once looked her up online and she had blonde hair and she looked prettier with long hair and didn’t look ugly like she did in GoldenEye. I wonder if I should dye my hair brown but then I would lose my excuse for my stupidity. But the blonde has dyed her hair before and she was still dumb because of her true hair color. Mom asked Matthew if he wanted his hair cut and he said no. “Your hair is getting all bushy,” said Mom. “I don’t want mine cut,” said Matthew. He hates getting his hair cut is why so Mom always does it at home. She always cut mine too and Kelly’s and Dad’s. But this time we got ours cut by a professional. Mom paid for our haircuts and we left. “Finally,” I said. “You hated being there?” Mom asked. I got close to her face and told her “I messed myself.” “I can barely smell it so those pills did the work. I don’t think others smelled it.” I was happy the pills did the trick. They really do hide the smell and now I can mess myself in public and not be embarrassed about it or rush for the bathroom or run out of places or hiding. “We’re going home now so you can wait,” said Mom. We got to the car and Mom unlocked it and we got in. I sat in my mess again. For some reason I felt different about it like some excitement I felt. I wanted to rub myself in it but I didn’t want Mom, Kelly, and Matthew to see.
On the way home, we opened the bag of candy and I had some Dots and Matthew had Whoppers and Kit Kat bars and Kelly also had Dots and Tootsie rolls. Mom had some too and she had a long tootsie roll. They were all mini packs and they also had lollipops with the tootsie roll in the center. We had more Halloween candy to eat. Kelly and Matthew had already eaten theirs up and I had little left over. When we got home, Dad commented on my hair. “What happened to your hair?” he asked. “I got it cut,” I said answering his dumb question. “Why a new hair style? You always had it the same for the last ten years.” “I wanted a change,” I said. “You have another change you need to do,” Mom told me. “What change?” I asked. “Your diaper.” “Natalie, you heard your mother, you better get changed,” said Dad. Matthew had the Fred Meyer bag in his hand. He started taking out the Nintendo 64 and the games. Mom was taking stuff out of the other Fred Meyer bags. “You bought all this stuff?” Glen asked touching the Halloween stuff. “It was on sale,” said Mom. “Kids, didn’t I tell you all to make sure Mom doesn’t go overboard with spending?” “I didn’t know that was going overboard,” I said. “I bought what we needed Glen and I decided to buy some fun things,” said Mom. Dad looked at the opened bag of candy and he looked at the pumpkin carving kit, leaf bags, pumpkin candles, fake spider webs, bat lights and pumpkin lights. He just sighed seeing it all. Mom went back out to the car and Dad left the room. Matthew and I opened the Nintendo 64 box and took the game system out forgetting about my messy diaper. I looked at the directions. “You’re looking at those? You don’t need to look at them. You just figure it out,” said Matthew. “It tells you how to hook it up,” I said. “It’s for people who are dumb with electronics. You know it connects to the TV and it plugs into the wall.” He started taking the stuff out of the wrappers and he plugged the cord into the system and the other cord. “What the?” he asked looking at the color connectors that were at the end of the cord. Mom came inside with the bag of dog food and she put it in the pantry and Dad came back in the room and handed Mom a piece of paper telling her it was the contract he found. It was all crinkled up. I went over to them and looked at it too and it read
I Glen Evans agree to stop drinking if I get Natalie her Nintendo 64 and a game with it and if I break my promise, she gets little bit of my paycheck.
Glen Evans
His name was signed at the bottom. “You’re going to give her some of your money?” Mom shouted. “But you got on my case about me buying Halloween stuff?” “No no no, she has her Nintendo 64 now so it’s not going to happen,” said Dad. “But if you go back to your bad drinking, then you are stuck doing this. Glenny.” “I don’t drive anyway so there is no way I can get my beer and I have been trying to do fine without it.” Mom and Dad started to bicker again over the contract and her spending. “I don’t want Dad’s stupid money,” I said to them. “You hear that Anita, she said she doesn’t want my money, happy now?” Dad asked. “But why on earth would you put that on the contract? What were you thinking? Were you drunk when you made it?” Mom asked. “No,” said Dad. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I had to think of something.” I think it would have been awesome if he really did give me some of his money he earned. Then I would have all that money to spend on Nintendo 64 games. I went back to the Nintendo 64 and Matthew told me we needed to hook it up to the TV because they have those color outlets in it. I looked at the directions again and it said I had to buy an outlet that is sold separately if I wanted to hook it directly to the TV and we needed to use a VCR to hook it. I told Matthew that and showed him the picture. “I would have figured that out without the instructions,” he said. We both brought the Nintendo 64 up to Mom and Dad’s room and started hooking it up in there. Mom and Dad were still arguing and then I heard one of them storm outside. The laundry room door slammed. “Kids at school say people who fight a lot and then act like they get along have a love hate relationship,” said Matthew. After we got it hooked up, I opened GoldenEye and took it out and put it in the system and turned it on. I saw no picture so I turned channels to find it and then Matthew decided to try another color outlet. We pulled the cord out of the VCR and put it in the back. Then we tried again and still no picture and Matthew turned channels again and there was the picture. I saw the James Bong theme and then a cast of characters. I plugged in one of the controllers and I had to restart it to get it to recognize the controller. Then I pressed start and selected a file and started playing. Few minutes later Mom came upstairs and saw us in her room playing. I was doing Secret Agent mode to try and unlock paintball mode from the dam level. “I see you got it hooked up,” said Mom. “Natalie is trying to beat the dam level under a certain amount of time,” said Matthew. “Hey let’s watch the language,” said Mom. “No, the dam level, she is on the dam like in the movie.” “Next will be the faculty level,” I said. “Oh. You got me. Very funny,” said Mom. “Natalie did you change?” “No,” I said. “Well change now and you can get back to your dam level.” Then she left. “Did you really mean to trick her into thinking you were swearing?” I asked. “No. It was just a coincidence,” said Matthew. After I finished the level I saw I was twenty seconds late. “No, I have to do this dam level again,” I said. “Can I try the dam level?” Matthew asked. I handed him the controller. “Mom says you have to change,” he said. “I will,” I said. “I don’t need to change now. Do I stink?” “I smell nothing right now.” “So I can change later,” I said. Matthew started playing the dam level. “Why do you like sitting in your poopy diaper?” he asked. “Because I don’t like the cleanup and it can wait,” I said. “Isn’t it gross?” “No.” Matthew was ignoring the bad guys as he walked by them. “Kill them,” I said. “I don’t have time. I have to get this dam level finished on time to unlock the cheat.” He tried beating the dam level but he died. “Damn, this is hard,” he said. This time he was swearing than saying dam. He tossed the controller on my lap and left the room. I kept on playing trying to get the cheat from the dam level. I kept on being late finishing the level and one of them, I was ten seconds late. I gave up for now and did the faculty level. I crawled through the vent and aimed at top of a bad guy’s head and shot him and killed him. Then I stepped onto the toilet from the vent and started shooting bad guys in the restroom. “Enjoying your new game system?” Dad asked when he came in the bedroom. “Yep. I just couldn’t get that cheat from that dam level,” I said. “Hey, what is a young lady like you doing cussing?” said Dad sternly. “No, the dam level,” I said. “I was on a dam to jump off it like in the movie.” “Oh. You got me. Nice pun.” He left the room. He didn’t even ask me if I had changed yet. I wonder how many other people I can trick talking about the game. Reminds me in the movie Vegas Vacation when the Griswolds go on the dam tour at the Hoover Dam and the tour guide keeps saying dam like dam tour, dam questions, and it sounded like he was cussing. But sadly that is not how they talk when they give guests tours. It was only for the movie to make it funny. I was disappointed when they didn’t do that. But when Mom and Dad kept saying dam this dam that about the dam and calling it the Dam Dam, Matthew and Kelly kept thinking they were swearing. I spent all afternoon playing the game and I unlocked DK Mode from the runway level. I tried getting another cheat from the Silo level but I couldn’t beat it in three minutes or under. I need a codebook so I can unlock all the cheats without having to beat levels under a certain amount of time and 00 Agent mode is impossible. Next time I go to the store, I need to look at the cheat book again and look at the codes for unlocking the cheats. I was still in my messy diaper I had forgotten about and I leaked on my mom and dad’s bed. That got me to take care of it finally. I raced to my room and grabbed a clean diaper from the pack and went in the bathroom. I took the diapers off and rinsed my butt off in the tub. Then I got out and dried off and put the diaper on. I tossed my pants with the dirty clothes. I went in my room and threw the dirty diapers away and grabbed a clean pair of pants and put them on. I knew I had to be careful at my new school or else I might leak and kids will find out. I was still feeling nervous about my new school. I looked in Kelly’s room and she was on the computer playing a game. I felt frustrated. I just walked away. I went back to playing my game. Just as long as I had it, I was happy and it kept my mind off the board I got kicked off of. Then Dad came in the bedroom again with a glass of water and told me to drink it because it will help with the pee smell. “Excited for school tomorrow?” he asked. I kept forcing myself chugging the water down my throat. Then I was done. “Drink all of it,” said Dad. I forced myself to drink more of it. “How do you feel about starting your new school tomorrow?” Dad asked when I was through. “I don’t know?” “Shy? Nervous?” Dad asked. “I don’t know,” I said. “I just hope kids won’t find out I wear diapers and are mean to me about it.” “If they do, they do. Maybe this will get you to take better care of yourself. Drink plenty of water, change more, you won’t have leaks, keep taking those pills. Remember what I told you last night, people have to do certain things for themselves to take care of themselves. What you need to do is just drink enough water, shower more, like when you get up for school, just hop in the shower and all you have to do is wash your bottom, you don’t need to wash your hair or shave, it won’t take more than a minute to do it. Then get out and put a fresh nappy on.” “What if Allie already told the other kids I wear them?” I said. “Then she did, worrying about it will solve nothing. If it happened, it already did and there is nothing you can do about it,” said Dad. “How am I going to change for PE?” I asked. “I hope we don’t have to change clothes for PE and I hope kids won’t wonder why I go in the stall to change,” I said. “Just tell them you feel too nervous about your body and you don’t want anyone seeing you naked. Remember how nervous you were when you were starting Junior High? You also didn’t want to be seen naked and you weren’t the only girl who was worried about it. I think them not having any curtains was horrible and they thought all of you had to tough it up and I was like ‘Hey wait a minute, they are going through puberty and their bodies are changing and not all of them hit it at the same time and change at the same time so they are all self-conscious about their bodies and they are still children, not adults” and they didn’t care so when school started, lot of the girls were giving themselves sponge baths and refusing to shower, remember that? You weren’t the only one who was nervous showering in front of everyone and they didn’t even wear nappies. They also changed in the stalls too remember that? Then finally they put in some stalls over the shower faucets and the curtains after realizing.” “I bet they got tired of smelly kids,” I said. “I bet,” said Dad. “Even some women don’t like to be seen naked by other women so they change privately or shower privately and places have private showers so why even make girls be naked in front of each other?” “That makes no sense,” I said. “Places will have private showers and not force women to change in front of other women or even shower and my old school tried making kids do that?” “It doesn’t make sense,” said Dad. “They understood better why you would be so self-conscious about it and were willing to let you change privately and not have to shower in front of other girls but they thought all the other girls had to suck it up and shower in front of each other and change.” I had forgotten about my worries because the topic about me being in Junior High distracted me. Then Dad left the room and I went back to my game. I stopped worrying about my new school for the rest of the level and then the worries came back. What if Allie already told everyone I wear diapers? What if I smell? What if I don’t fit in? What if I am too normal? How long would the van ride be? The van would be picking me up at eight. Mom had informed me on Friday. At least I will get to sleep in a little later. I always had to catch the bus at six fifty. Dad would always be gone by then for work when Mom would get me up for school because he always left early to beat traffic. He always left right before Mom would get me up for school. Now she wouldn’t have to get out of bed as early anymore either.
Later that evening, I went in my room after dinner and I saw the canopy cover was over my bed. “Did you see what I did?” Mom asked when she came in my room. “Yes,” I said. The canopy cover was purple and it matched my covers and pillow. The cover also had white frills on the edges “Good thing we kept this bed,” said Mom. I grabbed my pajamas and my two clean diapers and headed to the bathroom. I had to keep them separated so I wouldn’t get them mixed up. The diaper on the left sink was the bad on and the diaper on the right sink is the good one. I just ripped open the first diaper so I would know which one was the bad one. I didn’t want to get them mixed up again. Then I didn’t need to keep them separated. After my shower I was in Matthew’s room playing Fun N Games. He started bugging me about me playing in there because he wanted to be alone so I turned the game system off and started unplugging everything. “What are you going?” he asked. “I want to play my game and you don’t want me in here so I am taking the whole thing with,” I said. I left the room carrying the Sega and the controllers and the cords and some games with it I wanted to play. I hooked it up in my room and played Fun N Games again. I loved the music part and it reminded me of Mario Paint. Then Matthew came in my room and started picking up the Super Nintendo. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I want to try and beat the queen bee so I am taking the whole thing with,” he said. He left with the game system and the controllers and the game and the cords. I kept on playing my new game.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 19, 2013 22:27:43 GMT
Chapter 12
Mom got me up for school on Monday. "Time for your first day of school, rise and shine," she said. She pulled the covers off me and I heard her go in my closet and she took out a diaper and my container of wipes. She lifted up my pajamas and removed my diapers. She wiped my bottom and asked me if I wanted to take a quick shower but I said no. Mom put the clean diaper on me and fastened it closed. She threw my wet diapers away. Then she pulled out some of my clothes and set them on the floor. "Okay which do you want to wear?" I looked what she had out and couldn't decide. "I don't know," I said. Mom then picked up one of my pairs of pants and put them on me and then she picked up one of my shirts and put it on me. Then she went downstairs. I looked at the time and saw it was only seven o’ five. At least I did get to sleep in. Kelly was still home too and was also starting to get up. I went downstairs and had some breakfast. My first day of school, fresh start I would have. I wanted to keep my diapers hidden and not have any kids find out. I never want them to stick out of my clothes. I don't want the sound to be heard either and I could hear the sound. But I knew it wouldn't be heard at school because public hides the sound of my diapers for some reason. Only way kids would find out I wear them is if I forget to take my odor pills or have a leak. I was going to have to be very careful. I also hoped I wouldn't get caught changing my messy diapers since I would have to go to the locker room to change if I mess myself and I hope no one comes in there. “I hope I don’t get caught changing my messy diapers,” I said to Mom. Mom didn’t say anything. She was sitting on the couch with her coffee. "What if other kids find out I wear them?" I asked. "How will I keep it hidden in the locker room?" "They are going to find out soon or later," Mom told me. "Besides if you changed in the stall or in the private restroom, they are going to be suspicious and know you're hiding something. They will probably think you're transgender or lesbian." "What?" I asked. "That is so stupid. Why would they think that and what the heck is transgender?" "It's when a woman lives her life as a man or when a man lives his wife as a woman. They even go through a transition change to be a male or female and some still have their normal male or female parts while living as a man or woman. With your short hair, if you wear guy clothes and wear something to flatten these," Mom pointed to her boobs. "You could pass of as a guy. You were a tomboy when you were little." "But why would they think that?" I asked. "Because you would be hiding yourself from them. I am not saying this to be ignorant, I know that is how people think because I know from experience. I have been fifteen before, I've been through high school and people come up with dumb assumptions." “What if the woman just doesn’t like to be seen naked by other women, does that mean she is hiding something?” “People may still draw the same conclusion about her. Kids thought I was a lesbian when I was in high school.” “Why?” I asked. “Did you kiss another girl or hug her?” “No. They were just stupid. I don’t know why they thought I was. Maybe because I didn’t have a boyfriend but even when I met your father, kids still thought I was. I also didn’t look at other girls and didn’t have any other girlfriends so they thought I was. Kids come up with strange ideas about what makes a person gay. Now Kelly has a strange idea what makes someone gay and she has been saying this is gay or that is gay and she says it’s a figure of speech. That is so house.” “This is so….corn,” I said. “Are you making fun of me?” Kelly asked when she walked in the kitchen. “No,” I said. “It sounded like it.” “Don’t be a dumb blonde,” I said. “Shut up,” said Kelly. She went to the cupboard and got out a bowl and got a spoon out of the drawer. She got oatmeal out of the cupboard and opened two packs and poured them in the bowl. Then she put some water in it and put it in the microwave. “Mom, why do you let Natalie call me a dumb blonde?” Kelly complained. “It’s a joke,” said Mom. “She calls me that too and she loves blonde jokes.” “It hurts my feelings.” “She doesn’t mean it because it’s just a joke, she calls me one and I don’t mind it. Why would it hurt your feelings?” “This is what I was talking about when I wrote you don’t care and you let her get away with everything.” I finished my breakfast and put my bowl in the sink and took my pill and went upstairs. I got my backpack ready and my school stuff. I had my binder and notebooks and pencils and I didn’t know what else I needed. I would find out when I get there. I couldn’t fit everything in my backpack so I would have to carry my binder. I went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair. After I was done, I played GoldenEye in the master bedroom. Kelly left before me because she always leaves before eight.
Soon, Mom called me down and said my ride was here. I turned the game off and grabbed my backpack and binder and went downstairs. Mom was waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase and she had my odor pills in her hand and a check. “Don’t forget this, you take it after lunch and here is your lunch money.” “I wonder how I am going to take it and not be seen,” I said. “Take it in the bathroom or tell them you have uncontrollable gas so it keeps the room from smelling when you fart or tell them you have very bad body odor so you smell and you take it so you wouldn’t smell.” I grabbed them and put them in my backpack. I looked at the check and saw it was written for twenty and I could tell it was Dad’s hand writing and it had his signature at the bottom and the pay to order to was left blank. I stuck it in my binder and grabbed my shoes and coat and put them on and I went outside to the van that was waiting for me on the side of the street in front of my house. It looked like a regular van and it was gray. I saw it had some kids in there already. I opened the door and got in and I was the fifth kid in the car. I sat down in the middle of the seat. Mom waved to me and I waved back and the van drove off. “Okay everyone, this is our new rider, what is your name miss?” asked the driver. “Natalie,” I said. “Natalie,” he said. “I’m Sam. Everyone introduce yourselves.” “I’m Gary,” said the teenage guy up front. “Say where you’re from,” said Sam. “Ridgefield.” “I’m Cindy,” said the little girl by the window who I was sitting next to. “And I live in Ridgefield too.” She looked to be about nine but I knew she was older than that. “Mark and I live in La Center,” said another younger kid behind me. Then the fourth kid introduced himself who looked to be my age. “Brian and I live in Woodland, just right next to Cowlitz County.” “I’m Natalie and I live in Saltwater,” I said. “We already know who you are and where you’re from, we just picked you up,” said Mark. We headed to Battle Ground to pick up another kid. It wasn’t far from where I lived. The kid lived out of town and we pulled into a drive way and parked in front of the two story house. Sam got out and knocked on the door. One of the parents answered the door and Sam got back in the van and we all waited for the kid to come out. Then he came out a few minutes later carrying his bag and he got in and sat down in the back. “We have a new rider, introduce yourself,” said Sam. “I’m Jerry Spring,” he said. The name made me think of Jerry Springer. It would be a funny coincidence if he had that last name. He had dark hair and he was chubby and he looked to be younger than me but he was bigger than me. I would guess he was twelve or thirteen. “Introduce yourself to him,” Sam told me. “I’m Natalie,” I said. “Tell him where you’re from.” “Saltwater,” I said. Then we left again and we were driving in the country side. Soon we arrived at another house and it was one story this time. Sam got out and knocked on the door again and another kid came right out. It was a girl this time. She got in the car and introduced herself to me. Her name was Lauren. I introduced myself to her and told her where I was from. “Where are you originally from?” she asked. “California,” I guessed. It’s where I was born but I only lived down there for three months after I was born and then we moved up here. “You don’t sound like you are from the west coast.” “My Dad is English if that explains it,” I said. “Where is your mom from?” “Here,” I said. “Originally?” “No she was born in Wisconsin.” “What about her parents?” “I don’t know. I don’t know where they were born or their parents and their parents,” I said. Lauren didn’t say anything else. Not too long later, we reached a very small town. It was a lot smaller than Saltwater. It didn’t have very many buildings. It had a church, a gas station and market, auto shop garage, a school, few other places. Then we had left the small town. That was barely anything they had. “Hey what do you have in your bag you can’t even fit your binder in?” Mark asked me. “Just my things,” I said. “Ooo can I see?” He took off his seatbelt as I said no. He grabbed at it and I held onto it. “I said no,” I shouted. “Quit it.” I tried to push his hands off. “Come on, let me see, why can’t you say what you have in there?” Mark asked. I kept trying to push him off and then all of a sudden I punched him in the chest with my fist to get him to let go as Sam told him to sit down. Everyone had open mouths. Sam told me hitting was not tolerated in this vehicle and school rules applied here too. “He was trying to see what was in my bag,” I said. “We still don’t allow hitting, first warning, next time I tell the school.” That was so unfair. What was I supposed to do? Let Mark open my backpack and see I wear diapers? “That girl can sure hit,” said Mark holding his chest. No shit, I thought. Soon we stopped at another house after making a couple more turns. It was a one story house and it looked to be built in the seventies. “Anyone wanna go out and knock on their door this time?” Sam asked. Gary got out and ran up to the door and rang the doorbell. He just stood there and then someone answered it. Then he walked back to the van and got back in. “Aren’t you hot in that thing?” Lauren asked me pointing at my coat. “No,” I said. “Why do you have it on?” “Just because,” I said. I had it on to hide my diaper. I didn’t want it to stick out of my clothes. Then the kid came out and it was another boy. He was thin and had hair under his nose. I couldn’t tell how old he was but I knew he was no more than eighteen and no way could he be thirteen. He got in the car and Sam told him they had a new rider and to introduce himself to me. “Lonnie,” he said. “Natalie and I live in Saltwater,” I said back. He sat way in the back too and we got moving again. “We have one last rider but the mother called her in sick so maybe tomorrow you’ll meet her,” Sam told me. We got back on the main road again and drove until I saw a bunch of houses. It didn’t take me long to realize we were in Vancouver. We kept on going. I looked at all the houses as we went by. I don’t think I have ever been in this part of the city. I even noticed a high school. The road we were on looked like a freeway but I knew it was a highway because it had stop lights. We had music playing because kids asked to have it turned on because it was too quiet. They had it on some station that was playing some music from when I was in Junior High. Most of our radio stations come out of Portland. I wonder if Vancouver has any or any other towns around it. I know Saltwater has none.
Soon we arrived at our school. Sam parked in front of the school and everyone got out. I carried my backpack inside and binder and I didn’t know where to go for class so I walked into the office. I was told to go in here first thing. I saw Mrs. Peggy working at her computer. She saw me. “Oh hello,” she said. I heard kids walking into the school and going into their classes. I just stood and waited and looked around the room. I saw kids walk by and they all looked like normal kids. I didn’t see Allie anywhere. Then Mrs. Peggy got done with whatever she was doing and showed me my class schedule for today and she also handed me a map showing me the layout of the building and it showed my classes on it so I would know where to go. I liked this. I wouldn’t have to struggle to find my way around and ask and have to keep going to the office every time or asking the teacher and figuring out the directions. My old school never did this, instead we did a field trip to the high school at the end of last year and we had to do a scavenger hunt so we would get familiar with the building and know our way around. Fortunately my old school schedule had the teachers’ names on it and room number and I had to look for the room number on the doors and I was also handed a map and had my rooms marked while other kids didn’t have them. Sometimes kids would be late and I wasn’t the only one who struggled. The teacher gave them a break and didn’t mark them tardy the first day. I wonder why they weren’t handed a school map. “Do you want to put your medical products in the room?” Mrs. Peggy asked me. I nodded and Mrs. Peggy led me into a small room and opened a cupboard and told me to put them in there. I assumed this was the health room. I opened my backpack and took my diapers out and stuck them in there and my wipes. My backpack felt empty now and I zipped it up and Mrs. Peggy walked me to my first class but she gave me my locker combination and gave me an assigned locker. I put in my combination and stuck my backpack in there and slammed it shut. Mrs. Peggy walked me to my first class and she told me the teacher was absent so we have a sub and she didn’t know when my real teacher would be back. It was English class. Mrs. Peggy introduced me to the sub and her name was Mrs. Kink. “Hey Natalia, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Mrs. Kink shaking my hand. I was being addressed by my real name for some reason. “Where do I sit?” I asked. “Just pick any seat you want and then after everyone gets here, we will find you your real seat,” Mrs. Kink told me. Mrs. Peggy left and I sat down in my chair. I took out my Game Boy and started playing it. “No electronic devices in class,” said Mrs. Kink. “But then I will be bored and have nothing to do then,” I said. “Read a book, reading is good for you, video games are bad,” she said. I got out of my chair and left the classroom and played it out in the hallway. Then the bell rang and it wasn’t as loud as it was at my old school. I turned my game off and went in the classroom and I saw my binder had been moved to the shelf. I picked it up and found an empty seat and sat down. All the kids were acting normal and were talking like normal. It was a very small class. I counted how many of us there were and there were eleven of us. “Good morning,” said Mrs. Kink. “I know Mrs. Pennysworth is still gone and we have a new student,” she pointed her hand at me. “Introduce yourself.” “I’m Natalie,” I said. “You go by the name Natalie?” she asked. “Yes,” I said. “And where do you live?” “Saltwater,” I said. “Tell this whole class a little about yourself.” “What do I say?” I asked. “Tell them what your hobbies are, what you like to do, how long you have lived in the area, what activities you like doing.” “I play soccer and softball, I like to play video games and watch TV and be on the computer and I have lived in Saltwater almost my whole life,” I said. “I could already see you like video games and it doesn’t surprise me you don’t mention reading,” said Mrs. Kink. She started to take attendance. She did it the old fashioned way. She held a binder up and started marking off names and she didn’t even call them. It felt weird because I couldn’t remember when a teacher had last done it that way. Now they all did it by computer at my old school and it was something new. Then she set it by the door and went to teaching. She started saying what the today’s assignment is supposed to be. I tapped my foot quietly and I noticed a few boys were doodling and one kid was rocking in his chair making the annoying creaking sound. I started doing it too seeing if mine made any sound. It did a little and Mrs. Kink told us both to knock it off. I then saw a girl tapping her pencil on her binder and the sub also put her hand over her pencil and went back to talking. Then a kid came in our class and quietly took the binder and shut the door quietly. He looked to be about my age. Then Mrs. Kink started walking to the doodlers and grabbed their pencils and set them down on their desk. I took my Game Boy out and started taking the battery cover off and putting it back on but the teacher walked over to me and took it out of my hands and brought it to the teacher’s desk and set it down. What was wrong with this sub? Kids kept doing other things in their seats and then the teacher start taking their stuff from them and making them have bare desks and putting their things on the teacher’s desk. I played with my coat tie and I chewed on it and played with it. I wonder what is she going to do if kids are playing with their clothes, make them take them off and have them be naked? Then Mrs. Kink all of a sudden asked me why I still had my coat on. “I’m cold,” I said. Kids laughed. “It’s warm in here and your face is pale. Take the coat off and you will feel better.” “I’m fine,” I said. “It is not very proper to wear coats inside so please take it off,” said Mrs. Kink. “No,” I said. Kids gasped. I wondered why. “Don’t make me go over there and make you take it off,” she said. I started to feel scared and stressed out. I couldn’t take this coat off or kids might see I wear diapers if they stick out of my clothes. I felt too scared to even take it off. “Natalia, take that coat off now,” Mrs. Kink ordered. I ignored her request. Kids were staring at me. Then the sub walked over to me. I watched her come closer and closer and then she started to grab my coat. I started screaming and trying to push her off and hitting her and trying to pinch her hands. “Are you autistic or something, maybe you should be in a class for those kids instead of the learning disabled,” said Mrs. Kink. That made me mad so I got up and pushed my desk over and ran out of the room. “Get back here right now,” she yelled after me in the hall. “Fuck you,” I shouted and flipped her off and kept on running. I decided I was not going to go back to that class until tomorrow and hopefully the sub will be gone. But my binder was there and I had no way of getting it back and my schedule was left in there too. I didn’t know what to do so I found a place and hid. I felt homesick and I couldn’t wait to go home. I didn’t even have a watch on so I didn’t know the time. I would know by kids walking in the hallways and the school bells. I sat in the room and it was some machinery room or engine room with a bunch of pipes and I noticed the furnace and water heaters and I was in the basement. It also smelled musty down here. I didn’t know how long I was down here for and I was hoping my diaper wouldn’t leak. I kept feeling for leaks. I daydreamed about playing my game when I got home and trying to unlock the cheat from the dam level. I was also bored so I daydreamed to keep busy. I couldn’t wait to get home where I was safe. I heard the bell ring soon and I just stayed. I was too scared to go back and get my binder and go to my next class. I didn’t want to face the teacher again. I was twisting my fingers around and I realized my Game Boy was left behind too when I reached in my pocket for it. Oh no what if someone took it? I started to cry and panic. All I had were two games with me and I played with those making them touch each other and rubbing them in my hands. I may never get one for cheap again. I got it at a garage sale for twenty five bucks and it came with a few games as well. Some kid was selling it that cheap and I got excited and bought it because I wanted colored video games, not black and white and I would be able to play Game Boy color games that were only made for Game Boy Color. I got brave and left the room and went upstairs to the main floor. I started walking back to class when I heard “Are you new here?” I turned to see who someone was talking to and a teacher was looking at me. “Are you new here?” she asked again. “Yes,” I said. “I am the school psychologist and I was sent to look for you. We have been looking for you for the past hour. Come with me.” I followed her. “So what was the problem?” she asked. I told her what the teacher was trying to make me do and then she got me upset with her question and telling me I should be with the autistic kids. “She said that?” the psychologist asked. “That was very inappropriate. I will inform Mrs. Peggy.” We went to the office. Mrs. Peggy was sitting at her desk. “You found her, great,” she said. “You had us worried there Natalia or do you prefer to go by Natalie?” “Natalie,” I said. “There was an incident with the sub,” said the school psychologist. “She said right to her face she should be in class with more severely disabled kids and started grabbing her.” Mrs. Peggy opened her mouth. “Did she really?” she asked me. “She said I should be in a class with autistic kids instead of the learning disabled,” I said. “Why did she say that?” “She was trying to make me take my coat off so I was trying to push her away and I pinched her hands.” “Why wouldn’t you take your coat off?” “I don’t want kids knowing,” I said. “Oh I see. I will handle her. Where is your stuff?” “In her class,” I said. “Take her to her class and get her things and bring her to her next class,” said Mrs. Peggy. The psychologist took me back to English and there were other kids in there. I grabbed my binder and my Game Boy was still on the desk. I picked it up. “Next time you bring that back in here, I am taking it for good,” said Mrs. Kink. I already didn’t like her. Maybe that was why other kids were doing things in their seats. Maybe they were doing it to annoy her. I looked at my schedule and saw my next class was Math. The psychologist walked me to it. She asked me if I will be fine on my own and I told her yes. When we got to my next class, the math teacher looked at me. “This is your new student here,” said the school psychologist. “She is late because we had to sort something out with the principal.” “She ran out of class,” said one of the kids. I saw some of the kids I had in English were also in here and the rest were all new. I sat down in an empty seat. There was chatter between the two adults and then the psychologist left. “I am glad to have you here Natalie,” said the teacher. “Remember me, I was at your meeting and I am the math teacher here, I’m Mrs. Zeller. I teach ninth, tenth, eleventh and twelve grade. Get out a piece of paper and here is your textbook.” She handed me a book and told me what page to turn to and what math problem we were on and told me to not worry about the others problems I missed. I opened my binder and went to a piece of paper and picked up my number two pencil and wrote my name and date on the paper in the top corner and wrote down the math problem we were on. Mrs. Zeller showed what she had so far on the overhead and told me to copy it all down. She went back to teaching and I copied down what she had. I wonder why teachers use overheads these days instead of the whiteboards. When I was little they used chalkboards and whiteboards and then they started using overheads when I was around ten. I noticed the classroom still had the whiteboards and the chalkboards were gone. I noticed how much different this class was than math class at my old school. Mrs. Zeller was actually doing the problem with us and helping us solve it. She would even walk up to each student who needed extra help and tell him what to do and she go back to teaching. No one was goofing off in their seats, no throwing things or making sounds. I did notice doodling again. Mrs. Zeller ignored it. I noticed the classrooms were a bit different here. The lights were different and they weren’t the ones my other schools had. I noticed there was no ticking clock in here. Now I wouldn’t even know the time. I could feel my diaper being wet so I felt for leaks and there were none. I decided I would change after this class. Not too long later, class ended. Everyone got out of their seats. I closed my binder and I was so glad we were all going to continue math tomorrow and it wasn’t going to be sent home with us. “Hey,” said a kid from my class. I kept on walking to my locker. “Where are you going?” “To the office,” I said. “I think what you did in the other class was brave,” he said. “What?” I said. “Mrs. Bitch we all call her. You stood up to her and no one ever does, everyone is scared to.” “What’s there to be scared of?” I asked. “Because she is mean. Lot of kids are afraid of her and you told her no and started fighting her.” “I wasn’t scared of her,” I said. “She looks like a teacher to me and I have fought teachers in the past.” “Really?” “Yeah.” “Be careful with this teacher. You don’t want to mess with her. You will regret it,” he warned me. “Why?” I asked. “Just trust me, don’t mess with her. You will be sorry.” Then I noticed he was gone. It was like he disappeared into thin air. I got to the office and went in the health room and got a diaper out and headed to the private bathroom I was showed. I locked it and changed out of my wet diaper. I wiped my bottom good and I took out a clean diaper and unfolded it and put it on. I put my pants back on and my coat. I looked at myself in the mirror and I bent down seeing if my shirt would ride up. I tucked my diaper down folding the top trying to keep it from showing. I even tied my coat around my waist. I put my wipes back and the bell had already rung. I went to my next class and I had to tell the teacher in his ear I was changing my diaper. He accepted that excuse and let me sit down. It was Spanish this time. I noticed I had different kids in my class and it was a bigger class and I saw an extra staff person in here. I grabbed a Spanish book after I saw other kids had one. The teacher came over to me. “Hi I am Mr. Leaf the Spanish teacher. So far we have learned numbers, colors, food, days of the week and months, and now we have been learning to say kitchen items in Spanish. You may want to review it so you can take the book home with you and study it all. I hope you are able to memorize.” “I am,” I said. “Good,” said Mr. Leaf. “Pretty much everything in here is memorization. We are just starting to write sentences too.” Then he started class. “Buenos días.” “Buenos dias,” said everyone else. “Did anyone notice we have a new student?” he said pointing at me. Kids looked at me. “I saw her. I didn’t know I was supposed to knowledge her,” said a boy. “Would you care to introduce yourself and tell us a little about yourself?” said Mr. Leaf. “My name is Natalie and I live in Saltwater and I play soccer and softball. I also like choir and video games and computer and TV,” I said. “Good,” said Mr. Leaf. “Now I need to take attendance.” He grabbed the binder and opened it and started to call names. “Jeff.” “Here,” he said. “Phillip.” “Here.” Aubry.” “Here.” “Addie.” “Here.” Gregory.” “Here.” He called everyone else’s name except mine. He said he knows I am here and marked me here and then he set the binder by the door for the kid to pick up. “Okay class, we are going to continue on learning the names of the objects in your kitchen and play a game. I hope you studied. There will be no books and papers. Natalie you can use your book since you were not here. We are going to play Pictionary and you have to say the words in Spanish. I will divide you in teams and select one kid from each side to draw and I will draw a card and they start drawing the picture on the board and you have to yell it in Spanish and the first one who gets it gets a point. But right now we will spend ten minutes warming up so review the words.” This reminded me so much of when I was in Junior High when I was taking Spanish. I looked at the words in Spanish for items you have in your home. Mr. Leaf checked on me seeing how I was doing and he was glad I figured out what page to go to for reviewing the words. He told me I can continue using the book for the game.
Soon, warm up ended and it was time to begin the game. The teacher got us into teams. I was so glad he did one two one two instead of having us pick our own team because I was always chosen last. Same as for having to find a partner or get into groups, always not being wanted and the teacher would have to find a partner for me and a group. Only time I got my own partner is if someone else didn’t have one either so they were forced to be mine unless they begged their friends to be with them and bam they would have more than two people. Then we were all divided into teams and two kids were chosen to draw on the board. The teacher had cards with him and he shuffled them and put them on the table in the front of the room. Mr. Leaf drew a card and showed the kids and they went right to drawing. I looked at what they were doing trying to figure out what they were drawing. Kids were saying things in Spanish. I saw a rectangle and then a line between it. The other person drew in more detail and he drew a thick line on the side of the rectangle and then he drew another one in the square above the rectangle. I looked in the book to see what it was called in Spanish. It was the same as in English. “Refrigerator,” I said. “Ray free hey rah door,” said another kid. “Nevera,” said someone else. “You got it, refrigerador ,” said Mr. Leaf pronouncing it the way the other kid did. The point went to my team. I got it right but I had said it wrong so that was why I didn’t get it right. Mr. Leaf picked the next two kids to draw next. This time I saw a cute blonde boy go up there and a black haired girl. Mr. Leaf drew a card and they both started drawing. I saw the black haired girl draw a square but leaving the other end off. The blonde haired boy was the opposite. He wasn’t drawing like he was blonde at all. He used more detail. He drew a crooked rectangle and he was adding lines to it The black haired girl drew another half square and then a line and then she did the same to the other side and then she drew stick figures and I realized what it was. “Mesa,” I shouted. “She got it,” Mr. Leaf pointed at me. “La mesa.” We got another point and one other kid in on the other team he said it. The two kids sat down and I raised my hand to be next. Mr. Leaf called on me and the other kid from the other team and we both went up to the board. Mr. Leaf drew another card and showed us. It was a toaster. We both got to drawing. I started to draw a shape picturing our own toaster we have. Then I decided to draw the eyes and then I started drawing the mouth. Then I drew the handles on the side that you push down for the bread so it will cook resembling his hands. I saw what the other kid was drawing and he had drawn a square and put a few dots on it above his own toaster. “Tostador,” said a kid finally on the other team. “Bingo, he got it, point goes to your team,” said Mr. Leaf. The kid who did the drawing put down a scratch mark for his team and sat back down. “That’s a nice toaster you drew there Natalie,” said Mr. Leaf. I loved my toaster I drew. But sadly it got erased for the next round. We played until the bell rang. “Hasta mañana,” said Mr. Leaf. I closed my binder. I got out of my chair and carried the textbook and binder with me and started leaving the classroom. “Natalie, you are going to have to check that book out,” Mr. Leaf told me. He handed me the signing sheet and I wrote my name down and the day and the book number. ‘”If you lose it or wreck, you’re held responsible for it,” he said. I left class and I went back to my locker. I put the book in there and slammed it. I headed to my next class looking at the map again.
During lunch time Mrs. Peggy took me to her office to talk to me after I was done eating. She had me sit down in a chair in her office. “I talked to Mrs. Kink and she said you swore at her. We don’t tolerate foul language just to let you know so this is your first and only warning. Next time there will be a consequence. We want to teach all our students the proper way of expressing themselves without resorting to bad language. You’re not in trouble, I am just informing you about the rules. Should I print of the list of rules we have here so you will know how to act?” “Sure,” I said. Mrs. Peggy got on her computer and went to a page and clicked print. It printed off and she handed it to me. I looked at it and it said no bullying was tolerated or harassment, treat others with respect, no pushing and shoving, no climbing into lockers, no hitting and spitting, and it had a bunch of rules. I had never seen the rules so clear in my life. “I also talked to the teacher about her comment to you and she will face her own consequence as well.” “What is it?” I asked. “I can’t tell you. But teachers do also face consequences too when they do something wrong and it’s not the students business.” “Why not?” “It just isn’t. But I told her to back off and leave you be and read your IEP but she does not allow electronic devices so I advise you to leave them in your locker or don’t take it out. She has been talked to before when she tried to get a student to stop listening to music when it was in his IEP to have it on during class. You know what an IEP is right?” “Yes,” I said. “It’s what I have.” “That’s right, each student has their own plan in learning and what environment they need to be taught in.” Then the meeting ended and I went back to my locker and got my lunch money from my binder, took my pill and brought it back to the cafeteria and handed the lunch lady the check. Trish was her name and she took it from me saying thank you and put it in the computer. I noticed my real name showed up on the computer for how much money I had in my lunch account. My real name always shows up on attendances and forms and of course this. It also would show up on the list of names when our teachers would hand them out to us for Valentine’s Day. I wonder if this school does Valentine’s Day. Once I got to Junior High, I was surprised we didn’t do Valentine’s anymore and it was for little kids only. Sucks how they take the fun away when you get older. The rest of the day went fine. No kid picked on me and I still had my coat around my waist and I found it stressful trying to keep it hidden. I didn’t see Allie at all. Maybe because she was two grades behind me and we weren’t in the same classes. PE was fun and it was more like elementary PE and there were indeed younger kids in Drama. I had gotten in. They were working on Mary Poppins. That was the play. I read through the play and saw it was not like the Disney version. My mom loves that movie. I noticed the same cute blond boy again from Spanish. I learned his name was Jason. He was also in my geography and PE and he had an aid with him and he listened to music in class. Maybe that was why I saw her in Spanish. Some kids actually had an extra teacher with them. I could remember a boy in my elementary school always having a teacher with him because he needed help with school work. I didn’t know I was going to have troubles with school work in the future and I never got an aid. I wouldn’t want one anyway.
I was happy when school got out. I saw younger and older kids and kids my age going to the short busses and vans. The vans were even marked so kids knew which van was theirs. I saw Allie going to hers. I didn’t even say hi to her. I got in mine and sat down. I had changed three times already in school and I left my other diapers in the room and the wipes. We did the same route again like we did to school. We listened to music on the way and the first kid to drop off was Lonnie, then next was Lauren and then it was Jerry Spring and I was next. I learned the small girl in the car who looked nine was actually eleven years old and in the sixth grade. She said she was supposed to be in the fifth grade because she was the youngest and got teased for it and her mother didn’t make her start kindergarten at age six and finally she was placed in that school. She said she had a birthday in August so she should be in the fifth grade but then she would have been the oldest and being born in the summer sucked and kids may have just thought she was stupid because she would be the oldest. “It sucks being born around Christmas and right after,” said Mark. “Try that.” “My sister has complained about getting less presents for her birthday and how she can’t even have a birthday party,” I said. “Everyone is gone or busy around the holiday and spending money on presents. They don’t have time for any birthdays. But she always has it right after everyone gets back from Thanksgiving break so I don’t know what her deal is. She just has to have it early is all but she is blonde after all.” “Hey,” said Gary. “Dude, she has blonde hair,” said Brian. “Chill.” “What is with all these blonde haired jokes going around, they’re all stupid,” said Mark. “That is because they are,” I said. “Get it?” Gary said nothing else. I started telling some blonde jokes I knew. Then Cindy told one she learned from her older brother. It was What do you call two blondes sitting in the front of the car? Air bags. Then I told one I learned from Matthew. “A blonde and James Bond are trapped on a train, they have three minutes to escape or it will explode with them in it, the blonde tries to get on the computer to crack Boris’s code but she gets frustrated she can’t get the computer to work so James tells her to calm down and asks her why is she beating on the TV.” “Natalya wasn’t blonde,” Mark corrected. “She is in real life,” I said. “And she couldn’t even figure out his password and it was chair, I bet her true hair color is blonde.” Then Sam pulled in front of my house and I got out as I was pooping in my diaper. Luckily it wouldn’t smell because of the pills but it does make my poop be a different color. I ran inside and took off my stuff and saw the time. It was four twenty two but at least I had no homework. “Hey honey, how was your first day?” Mom asked. “Fine I guess,” I said. “Any teasing in school or being picked on?” “No,” I said. “That’s good. Do you like your new school?” “I hate the sub,” I said. “Why?” “She’s a bitch.” “How so?” “She tried to make me take off my coat and grabbed it and then said I should be in a class with autistic kids, not the learning disabled. That angered Mom and she said she was going to complain about it to the school. I went upstairs to Mom and Dad’s room to play more GoldenEye but Matthew was already in there playing Kirby. I just stormed out huffing slamming the door. I got my Super Nintendo out of Matthew’s room and put it in my own bedroom again. I now had to wait until he was done with the game system and I wished I made Mom get two game systems. Now I was bored bored bored. First I came home late and now I couldn’t even play my game. Grrrr. Hey wait a minute, I own the darn thing so I could kick him off. I went back in the master bedroom and told Matthew I wanted to play my game and to get off. “No I had it first,” he said. “But it’s my game system,” I said. “It’s mine too, Mom promised me one.” “But you refused to let her get one,” I pointed out. “Because I already have one.” “Which is mine,” I said. “Get off or I will make you.” “No,” said Matthew. I turned the game off. “Hey,” he shouted. “It’s mine and I want to play GoldenEye,” I said. “I don’t turn the computer off when I want to be on it,” he said. “Because it’s all of ours, this is only mine so I can kick anyone off it,” I said. Matthew and I fought over the Nintendo 64 and Mom came up to see the commotion. “What are you guys yelling about?” she said. “I was playing and she turned it off,” Matthew shouted. “It’s mine and I want to play GoldenEye,” I said. “I had it first,” Matthew shouted. “Natalie, can’t you share?” Mom asked. “Yes but only when I am not playing it.” “But you weren’t playing it,” said Mom. “I want to now so I told him to get off.” “You can play your game when he is done, you can do other things.” I started crying and screaming. Then I picked up the Kirby case and threw it across the room. “I should have just gotten two game systems,” said Mom. “She can play her game,” said Matthew and left the room. “Now isn’t your brother nice Natalie, you should thank him,” said Mom. “Thanks,” I said. “He already left so I don’t think he heard you,” said Mom. “Thanks,” I shouted. Then Mom left. I felt calm again and I took the game out and put in my game and started playing. But I still felt upset inside.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 20, 2013 2:52:03 GMT
Chapter 13
The next day I wore my swimming suit under my clothes. Mom made that suggestion because it would keep my diapers from showing and I wouldn’t have to worry about it and it would be like a onesie. It’s those things babies wear and they have snaps at the bottom when you put it on them and then you unsnap them when you change their diapers. It felt different wearing it under my clothes and I wasn’t even going swimming. Then van came by again and picked me up. There were still the same kids in the car from yesterday. I buckled up and we headed out. I didn’t have as many diapers as I did like yesterday because I had some of mine at school and I decided to keep it stocked there. We arrived at Jerry’s house and he came out and got in the van with us. “This sucks, today is Election Day and my brother can’t even vote because his birthday is tomorrow. Why couldn’t he have been born today,” he said. “He is so close to being eighteen, they should let him vote,” I said. “Yeah it sucks, because he is still seventeen, he is treated like a juvenile and then you turn eighteen and bam you are magically considered an adult now as if your brain has matured overnight,” said Gary. “Some adults still can’t vote right.” “I hope Bush will win because it will look so cool in the future when people look at our presidential history and see we had George Bush as president and then Bill Clinton and George Bush again except it’s a different George because it’s his son,” I said. “That’s why it’s eighteen,” said Gary. “You don’t vote for skin color or name or race. You vote for someone if you like their ideas and what they are going to change, not because they have the same name as their dad.” “My brother would have been voting for Al Gore if he were voting,” said Jerry. “Why?” I asked. “We don’t like republicans.” My parents were voting for Al Gore too because they also do not like republicans. They had already mailed off their ballots. “Why do you guys hate republicans?” I asked Jerry. “I don’t know, we just do. They say they don’t like the poor and they only go for the rich.” I wondered who my brother Brian was voting for. We picked up more kids and I got to meet the absent girl. She lived in Brush Prairie so the route was a little different. Her name was Gracie and she also looked to be around my age. Lonnie was the last person to be picked up and we headed to our school. We had music on again and everyone was talking. We arrived at our school and everyone got out. I went to the office to get my today’s schedule. Another staff got on the computer and printed it off for me and gave it to me since Mrs. Peggy wasn’t around. I went in the room and put the rest of my diapers in the cupboard and counted how many I had. I decided every week I would have to stock it. At my old school I always kept them in my locker and would change in the public restroom. I went to my locker and put my backpack in there and my coat and slammed it. I carried my Spanish textbook and my binder to English hoping to meet my real teacher. I walked in the classroom and there again was Mrs. Bitch. She saw me and I got a bad feeling inside of me like something wasn’t right. But she didn’t say anything and I sat down. I had no Game Boy because I had left it in my locker. I looked around the room and played with the zipper on my binder and then I started to walk around the room. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous,” Mrs. Bitch ordered. I knew she was talking to me because I was the only one walking. I saw other kids talking and tossing a few things at each other. “No throwing in my classroom,” Mrs. Bitch ordered. “It’s not your classroom,” said one of them. “No back talk.” I felt restless and like I was being tortured because I was being forced to sit still so I left the classroom and walked in the hallway back and forth in front of the door. Then the bell rang and I went inside and sat down in my seat. “Good morning,” said Mrs. Bitch. “I have some bad news. Mrs. Pennysworth just went into early labor and she won’t be here for a while so it looks like I will be your temporary teacher, possibly permanent.” Kids started groaning and gasping and whining. “Stop it,” said Mrs. Bitch. “You just don’t want me as your teacher because I am tough and don’t let you get away with stuff and I make you follow the rules and not let you use your disability as an excuse.” I did not like this teacher and I wished they would get a new sub. She was worse than Ms. Penny. Mrs. Bitch took our attendance and put it by the door. Then she turned on the overheard and there was DOL. I watched what the other kids were doing and I saw them writing. “Am I supposed to write that all down?” I asked. “What does it look like?” Mrs. Bitch asked. “They’re writing. I just want to make sure they were writing that down,” I said. “Start writing.” That was no help at all. I looked at the kid’s paper in front of me to see what he was doing but he covered it. “Hey, no cheating,” he said. “Natalia, up here now,” Mrs. Bitch ordered. “I was just seeing if he was copying it down,” I said. “No back talk.” I walked up to the front of the room and she made me stand and face the whole class and tell them what I was trying to do. “I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing,” I began but Mrs. Bitch cut me off. “No tell them what you were doing,” she ordered. “I was just saying.” “No lying.” “I’m not lying.” “Argue with me one more time, I am keeping you ten minutes after class. Now tell them.” “I looked at the kid’s paper in front of me to see what he was doing,” I said. “And why?” Mrs. Bitch asked “To see what he was writing down to make sure it was the DOL.” “You were looking for the right answers on his paper,” said Mrs. Bitch. “No I wasn’t,” I said. “Ten minutes after class,” she said. “What?” I said. “I warned you, argue with me one more time, ten minutes after class.” “But I wasn’t arguing,” I said. “Fifteen minutes.” I felt angry. I really really hated this teacher. No wonder she was called Mrs. Bitch from other kids. How could this school even have her as a sub? Mrs. Bitch sent me back to my seat. I didn’t know why she had me stand up there and tell everyone what she thought I was doing. She went back to teaching and she had a few book selections for us. The Giver, Number the Stars, and The Whipping Boy. We had three choices. The teacher kept on talking telling us what we were going to do. Kids goofed off in their seats again. Mrs. Bitch took anything from them they were playing with in their hand. I rocked in my seat and played with the zipper on my binder. Mrs. Bitch walked over to me and touched my shoulder to stop me from rocking but I started again a few minutes later. “We do not having rocking chairs in here,” said Mrs. Bitch. “If your chair doesn’t rock, you are not meant to rock in your seat.” Soon she was done explaining but she wouldn’t answer anyone’s questions. She said we should have paid attention and we have to work on paying attention. She set the books out on the table on the side of the classroom and told us all to pick a book to read. I got out of my chair with the rest of the class and I looked at each book. I already knew what Number the Stars was about because I had read it back in fifth grade. I noticed The Giver was written by the same author who wrote the other one. I read the back of The Giver and The Whipping Boy. I wasn’t interested in any of the books. I was surprised we were being given children books. I have been given a different book to read than the rest of my old class when I was in Junior High. Kids were looking at the books and talking. “Hey my sister read The Giver and she said it was a good book. It’s about communism and it’s also scary,” said one of the girls. “I read this book in fourth grade,” said another kid tossing Number the Stars on the table. “Hurry up, pick a book, not enough time for dilly dallying,” said Mrs. Bitch. I grabbed The Giver and sat down. I sniffed it and it smelled like a book. After everyone had picked out a book, Mrs. Bitch told us she now wanted us to get into groups who have the same book and we each read a paragraph to each other. “There will be no sniffing books, they are not flowers,” she said referring to me. I was the only one smelling my book. We got into groups and I found three other kids who had chosen The Giver. I sat down with them. I went first and I started with the first paragraph. Then the boy was next and he read slowly. I waited for him to finish up and I flipped pages in my book. Then he was through and another boy refused to read so the next kid went. Then it was my turn again and they complained I read too fast and I needed to slow down. I slowed down but they still complained I went too fast so I read very slowly saying one word at a time pausing. Soon class was nearly over and Mrs. Bitch told us she wanted us to keep on reading our books and do a paper about it and going online and finding a picture to resemble the book. I didn’t understand her instructions one bit and she wouldn’t even tell me when I asked for more information. When class ended, I stayed in my seat. I watched other students come in and sit in their desks. Then I got kicked out of mine because it was her desk. Before I knew it I was walking around again when Mrs. Bitch scolded me again for walking. She told me her classroom was not a track field. I stopped and I didn’t know I was walking again until she yelled at me to stop moving or she will make me stay longer. I stopped and I felt terrified. The bell rang again and Mrs. Bitch started class. She took her attendance and left it by the door and told everyone the same news she told us. Kids sighed and moaned. “You just don’t like me as your teacher because I make you work and not use your disability as an excuse. You must be used to getting away with stuff but I don’t let any of you get away with stuff,” she said. I was moving my legs side by side since I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t wait until fifteen minutes was up and I didn’t even have the time. I didn’t know what time it was because there was no clock in here, none of the classrooms had clocks. I just wanted to run home to my mother and jump in her arms. I felt I was being tortured because I was being treated unfairly. I didn’t even do anything wrong. I didn’t know why she was treating me this way. Even without knowing I wear diapers, she was still treating me like this. I told you I would still be treated differently if I didn’t wear diapers. Didn’t Mrs. Peggy tell her to back off? Mrs. Bitch screamed at me for distracting her class and told me to sit down in the chair at the teacher’s desk. I walked over and sat down and she told me if I move an inch of my body, she will keep me for the rest of class. That scared me so I had to work hard at not moving my body. Fortunately I was facing the class so I got to see when the teacher was having her back towards me so I could move my body. I tapped my foot quietly and drummed my fingers when she was facing the back of the room. She was also walking around talking and why did she get to move around and gets mad at me when I do it? I also noticed how the students were also moving around in their seats and doodling and I saw one kid ripping a piece of paper from his notebook and Mrs. Bitch took his binder and set it on the desk in front of me. I even saw a kid throw something at her when she had her back turned to the class and she turned around and yelled “Okay, who threw that?” No one answered, even I didn’t answer. “Well tell me now or I am keeping all of you after class.” “I did sir,” said one of the girls. She didn’t even do it and she took the blame. “Why?” “Because I wanted to see how far I could throw it,” she smiled. “You will copy a whole page from the dictionary and I want it back by tomorrow,” said Mrs. Bitch. “No, I threw it,” said another kid. “You, two pages from the dictionary for lying to me, you, three pages from the dictionary for letting someone taking the blame,” said Mrs. Bitch pointing to them. No other kid spoke up saying they did it, not even the guy who threw it. Time went on and I felt anxious and restless to leave. I was worrying she lost track of time and forgotten about me. Since she said I couldn’t move an inch, I started huffing and puffing hard to get her attention. I breathed very hard and did hard blows. “Natalia, you are staying longer,” Mrs. Bitch yelled. “I didn’t even move an inch,” I lied. “You knew what I meant.” I was trapped. It didn’t even matter. I was stuck here and I didn’t know for how much longer. I just rocked in my seat and spun it since it was on wheels and that made Mrs. Bitch mad. “Can’t you even sit still?” she said to me. “Go out in the hallway and you better be there when I go out to check on you,” she yelled. I got up and grabbed my stuff and went in the hallway. At least I was out of her site and I could relax. I just read The Giver to past time. This time I was able to stand still and I smelled the book and played with the pages. Soon Mrs. Bitch came out and poked her head in the hallway and looked at me and grabbed the book out of my hand and grabbed my binder and textbook and went back in the classroom. I was bored again. I walked back and forth in front of the door and kept pressing my nose against the wall. I also played with my ears. I no longer felt bored but I still couldn’t wait until I could go to my class. Mrs. Bitch came out again to check on me and I stopped walking and stood still. She looked at me and told me where to stand and told me I better still be there when she comes back out. I stayed and I leaned my head against the wall. I couldn’t wait to get out of this hell hole. I played with my fingers and tapped my food and looked at the lockers and the floor and the ceiling and lights. I even looked at the door frame and all the wear and tear in the walls and floors and doors. Mrs. Bitch checked on me one more time and she seemed surprised how I stayed and obeyed. “I see you have been staying where I told you to and you have not left here one bit,” she said. “You seem to obey out here but not in the classroom.” Duh, you can’t even see me so you wouldn’t even know what I am doing, I thought. Mrs. Bitch went back in the room and soon the bell rang. Kids came out in the hallway and I went back in the classroom as kids left. I got my books and binder and Mrs. Bitch told me I could go to my next class. I went to my locker and got my coat again with my Game Boy and games in it and went to Spanish class. I noticed some kids really liked picking on me because they would put their hand in front of my face or try and get in front of me and block my way when I get by and then they would laugh and run off. I ignored it. Just what I predicted, no matter where I go, kids will always pick on me. I went to my next class and sat down and reviewed all the words. “Mrs. Bitch kept you for the whole class eh?” said Russell who is in my math class and English and he is also in Spanish with me. “Yes,” I said. “Oooo.” “Leave me alone,” I said. “Geez sorry,” he said and went to his seat.
I was glad he left me alone because at my old school kids wouldn’t leave me alone. Class started and Mr. Leaf said “Buenos dias.” “Buenos dias,” we all said. “Now we have already learned kitchen items and the colors the numbers, the days of the weeks and months, now we are going to learn living room items.” He wrote la sala on the board. “This is living room.” He said the word in Spanish. He wrote another word on the board. El sofa. “This is couch or sofa whatever you want to call it.” He said the word in Spanish and it sounded pretty much identical to how we say it. He wrote more words on the board and told us what they were and said the words in Spanish. He had us copy them all down. I wrote the Spanish words first and then the English words with a / in between. Then I got distracted by the warmth in my crotch. I felt the back for leaks and there were none. I didn’t even know if four hours had passed so I looked at my today’s schedule and saw what time the classes started and ended. I saw it had been three hours since I last changed so after this class, it would be four hours so I would have to change after this class. Then I would have to change again before school gets out so that would be two changes in school. But I still feared leaks. “Earth to Natalie,” Mr. Leaf called. “Are you listening?” I put my schedule away and looked up. “I am now.” He went back to teaching. I copied down the rest of the words he had written. Then a kid raised his hand. “Yes?” Mr. Leaf called. “Puedo ir al bano?” he said. “Si es posible, no te olvides de tomar el paso,” Mr. Leaf replied pointing. “Yes you may, don’t forget to take the pass.” “Gracias,” he said. He got out of his desk and grabbed the Mexican hat Mr. Leaf had hanging up on the coat rack on the wall by the door and left. I saw him putting it on. I wonder if I will need a pass to change my diaper. Then I will get to take the hat too and also wear it. He even had the words up on the wall above the whiteboard that said Puedo ir al bano so students would know how to ask if they can go to the bathroom in Spanish. I wonder how do you say “Can I go change my diaper?” in Spanish. Kids wouldn’t even know what I am saying anyway unless they knew what diaper was in Spanish.
PE time finally came again and this time we were going to play floor hockey. The gym didn’t even have a clock but Mrs. Jenkins had a watch and she assured me she will let me know when it’s time for my group. It was a bigger class with twenty kids. Mrs. Jenkins started class and told us about floor hockey and told us the rules. “This is not a competition, it does not make you a loser if you miss the floor puck or hit it crooked or weak or don’t score a goal, it only makes you a sore loser if you get upset and try and make this a competition. There is no prize for winning. Anyone who gets too upset, will be asked to sit out until they are calm. If it escalates, I may ask you to go to the quiet room.” I couldn’t believe how other kids also got upset when they lose or don’t do good enough. “Okay you will each say a number. You say one and you say two and you say one and it repeats to the next person,” she explained pointing at three kids using them as an example. “Okay you start.” “One,” said the kid. “Two,” said the other. “One.” It kept repeating and then it came to me and I said two. After everyone counted, Mrs. Jenkins said “Ones on this side and twos on that side,” she pointed. I ran to the left side of the gym. Mrs. Jenkins brought out a bunch of red and yellow short hockey sticks. She handed us the red ones and the other side the yellow ones. Then she had an orange puck and put it in the center of the gym. She put us in our positions and then she told us “get ready, get set, go.” We started playing. We all had to be crouched on the floor and move on our knees and hands. I remembered this in elementary school. That was when things were starting to evolve into real sports. I could remember crab soccer, playing tennis with a balloon instead of with a birdie or tennis ball, I could remember playing touch football and we all had to wear a ribbon and to tackle, you had to pull it from their belt and they had to drop the ball, I also remembered playing baseball using a whiffle ball and plastic bat, and there was kickball. I actually liked PE now even if it had some semi real sports because kids cooperated and didn’t goof off. I ran after the puck and trying to run to it and get it and steal it from the other team. Soon Mrs. Jenkins told me it was one o’ clock. I got up and handed her my hockey stick and headed to the group, I noticed Jason and the other boy got up too and did the same and headed to the same group as me. I went to my locker and got my binder and looked at the map and saw where I had to go for the group. It was in a small room and I walked in there and sat down next to another kid who looked younger or my age. The room had nice comfy chairs and sofas. They all looked like they were from the 1960’s or 1970’s. The couch I sat on felt nice and comfortable. More kids came in and sat down. Kids were talking and one of them was burping the ABCs. “That is so disgusting,” said a girl. “I can make my armpits fart,” said another boy. He reached inside his shirt and starting making the farting sound under there as he raised his elbow up and down with his hand under his armpit. “Ew gross stop it,” said the girl. More guys starts belching and making their arm pits fart. The girl stormed out of there. Then Mrs. Grenzle came in. It was the school psychologist. Soon the bell rang and the girl walked back in and sat down. “Good afternoon,” said Mrs. Grenzle.“How are you?” No one answered. Mrs. Grenzle. noticed me. “Good to see you here Natalie. Everyone, she is new here so say hi to her.” “Hi,” said some kids. “Natalie do you want to tell the whole class about yourself?” I recognized a few kids from my classes besides those two from PE. “I like soccer and softball and video games and watching TV,” I said. “No wonder you’re not fat,” said one of the kids. “You do sports.” “You burn it all off playing,” said the other kid. “I don’t play it all the time, only when the seasons starts,” I said. “Now you’re going to get fat again.” “Enough,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “I just eat less food and I stay thin and lose weight,” I said. “That’s the lazy way of doing it, eat less food and you lose weight.” “Then your body turns it into fat when you do eat,” said another girl. “Everyone, please, wait your turn,” said Mrs. Grenzle holding her hands up. “Natalie did you want to saying anything else about yourself?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “I like to be on the computer,” I said. “Good. Okay I want you all to introduce yourselves and say a little about yourselves. I will hand you this stick and only the person holding it can talk. I will start with Seth.” She handed him the stick. He took it and said. “Hi I am Seth and I am in the tenth grade. I have been attending here for two years now. I like waterskiing and snowboarding and I like to go to Mount Hood with my family to snowboard every winter.” He handed the stick to the next person. “Hi I am Corrine and I have been going here for three years now and I like going down to Portland to shop because they don’t have sales tax in Oregon. We also go and grocery shop down there too and we always go to Costco.” She handed the stick to the next person. “I am Kennedy and I like to draw. I do art here.” She spoke so quietly. Then she handed the stick to the next person. This time he was a loud speaker it made me jump. “I am Kent Wood and my parents make me go here until I learn to stop being picked on by other kids. They are trying to teach me to blame the victim and supposedly it’s all my fault other kids are mean to me and harass me it was my fault I had to defend myself and keep getting suspended for it and then kicked out finally. Bullies suck and they should all be locked away, it should be made illegal and start getting charged with a crime when they do it.” I felt bad for the kid. I felt I could relate because I had also been picked on and would get in trouble for defending myself and the bully wouldn’t be in any trouble at all and sometimes we would both be in trouble. Ms. Penny also thought it was my fault kids were mean to me and said if I would change, kids would stop. But I doubt he was here so he would stop being picked on by other kids, he was probably put here so he wouldn’t get picked on and it was a smaller school. Then Kent handed the stick to the next girl who was grossed out by fake burping and fake farting. “I’m Kady and I live in Camas and I like to swim in the lake,” and she handed the stick to Jason. “I’m Jason and I like computer and video games and I like to play the drums, I am in band.” He handed the stick to the next kid. The stick went around and then it came to me and I introduced myself again and said what my hobbies were again and handed the stick off to the next person. After everyone was done introducing themselves, Mrs. Grenzle had the stick in her hand and she thanked everyone for taking their time to introduce themselves to me. Then she opened her stuff and got out some paper and handed it to each person. “Here is your group buck.” She handed me one too. It was fake money. “Keep it and save it and you trade it in for prizes,” she said. “Okay everyone is here, no absences,” she said again. I counted how many kids there were and there were thirteen of us. The topic for this group was anger. We all had to say what makes us angry. What made me angry? I didn’t know. I know I get angry, I can feel it but I couldn’t think of anything that makes me angry. I thought of the times when I got angry and why. That boy Matthew brought over made me mad and my parents sided with the boy and he cursed them. The other kids talked about what makes them angry. Jason’s was about when his mother wants to have him stop playing his drums because she can’t take the sound and she won’t wear ear plugs. She has to hear her own music or TV shows and she can’t hear any of that with ear plugs. She will take his sticks and hide them and he has to tear their whole home apart to find them and she gets mad when he moves stuff and he tells her to give him back his sticks. When he was little, she would always take his Game Boy and it would result in him having panic attacks and being stressed out and getting very angry he would be kicking the walls and throwing things around in his room and she would want him to stay in there and do his episodes. He would also get very angry when the batteries would die on his Game Boy and she didn’t have any extra ones with because it would leave him in panic because he didn’t have his game to play anymore. He would not have a good time anymore because he couldn’t play his game and he would start acting up so his mother started keeping extra ones with her and then got him a generator for his Game Boy to save money on batteries. Soon my turn came and I chickened out saying what made me angry. I just said I didn’t know. “Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday in your first class?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “No,” I said. I did not get a buck like everyone else did for talking about what makes them angry. Then she pulled out a chart and pointed to three words passive, aggressive, assertive using an American flag stick, it had the flag on the other end. She even had pictures next to the words. I noticed the green guy next to aggressive and he had very big muscles and there was a happy person next to the word assertive and then there was a picture of an animal hiding next to the words passive. It was actually hiding behind the word. “Okay, we are going to discuss how you could handle your situations better being this,” she pointed to the word assertive. “Jason we’ll start with you.” “Um, “Can I please keep playing my drums” but that never works,” he said. “Mom is as routine orientated as I am and it makes things hard for the both of us.” “Can you compromise?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “Only play your drums for an hour after school and then be done with them?” “But it’s my passion. That is like telling you to stop helping people.” “This is my job, your drums are your hobby. You don’t do it for a living.” “You missed the point,” said Jason. “Okay that will be like me telling you to stop using that flag to teach.” “Okay,” Mrs. Grenzle put it down and picked up something else. A long ruler. “Better?” “You missed the point,” he said again. “Well I don’t know what your point is then.” “Never mind, no one ever understands me,” he complained. “Okay Oden, you’re next,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Well since my mom is controlling and makes me her slave, even being assertive with her doesn’t work. I have to be aggressive and it ends with result in not getting any spending money. Even being assertive will end up with the same result so what is the point in being assertive if it doesn’t even work?” Oden was so stupid because he thinks doing chores is being a slave and he compared it to slavery. He thinks making kids do chores is illegal and he even called the cops on his mom once. When he doesn’t do his chores, his Mom docks his allowance. Of course the police laughed at him and it made him angrier and the officer told him his mother had every right to make him her “slave.” He even said he mentioned calling social services to report her for child abuse and she handed him the phone and told him to go right ahead. Of course he called and nothing was done about it because no one ever showed up to take him away. He was so stupid and a brat. I felt sorry for his mother. I couldn’t imagine having a kid who always refused to listen to you. I think I would have handled it the way she did, let my kid call social services on me and the police just to show him he is wrong. I would refuse to give him anything unless it’s things he needs like clothes or shoes or school things and food. I would be tough. But Oden still didn’t seem to learn anything because he still thought chores is slavery. He didn’t even have blonde hair either. He had black hair. “There is a difference between doing chores and being a slave,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “It’s about teaching you responsibility and how to do things so you will know how to clean by the time you are an adult and out on your own.” “No it’s still slavery but they pay you and it’s their way of manipulating you and if you don’t do it, they don’t give you money and you have nothing to spend it on when you want to buy things. It’s blackmail.” Kids laughed. “You don’t even have blonde hair and you act like you do,” I said. “Shut up,” he shouted. “Natalie,” said Mrs. Grenzle. Is stupid even a disability? I have never met anyone this dumb. I had some interesting stories to tell when I get home. I wonder what Mom would think of this boy. I bet she will find it funny he thinks chores is the same as being a slave. I just wanted to laugh at him because he was so stupid and tease him about it. I wonder if asking him to sharpen my pencil for me would make him think he is my slave. Mrs. Grenzle moved onto the next person. She called on Kennedy who had her hand up. “If my little brother is bothering me, I nicely ask him to stop instead of screaming at him,” she said. “How do you tell him nicely?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “Can you please stop kicking the counter, it’s annoying.” “And what if he doesn’t stop?” “Ask him nicely again and if he doesn’t stop, I go tell Mom or Dad.” “Nice. Anyone else?” I raised my hand. “Natalie, you’re next.” “Well, my brother decided to bring his new friend over and when we were all going downstairs for pizza, he decided to block me from going down the stairs. I told him excuse me and he wouldn’t move. I guess I should have gently moved him aside instead of pushing him hard,” I said. “That sounds like a tough one,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Anyone have any ideas what you can do in a situation when someone refuses to move after you politely tell them to move?” “Go around,” another kid shouted. “There was only one staircase in my house,” I said. “Tap them on the shoulder to get their attention,” said Kent. “Just stand and wait,” said Jason. “Squeeze by them if they don’t move,” said Oden. “I would just shove them aside if they don’t move,” said Corrine. “Some people are just rude so you have to be rude back.” “That is what I did and I got into trouble,” I said. Kids shouted out ideas and Mrs. Genzle held her hands out telling us one at a time. “You are right, there are some rude people out there they will not move no matter what. But do two wrongs make it right?” “If they don’t move,” I said. “We don’t want to stoop down to their level do we?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. “Why is it okay for them to be rude but not us?” said Jason. “It’s not okay. They shouldn’t be doing it either.” The rest of the session was focused on being assertive and I thought it was so stupid to not be rude back. What am I supposed to do if Matthew refuses to move if I want to get in the drawer, stand there and wait two hours? What if he is blocking the dishwasher? Stand there and wait for a half hour or get yelled at for leaving the bowl in the sink? Soon therapy got over and we all put our therapy bucks in our envelope Mrs. Grenzle gave us. We had the choice to spend it or use it and I chose to save it. She even had prizes out for us. Most of them were key chains and silly putty and stickers, erasers and pencils, and some cool school supplies. I put mine my envelope after I wrote my name on it and handed it to her and went to my locker. I got my binder out and went to Geography.
School got out again finally. I was heading to the van when I saw Allie again. This time she noticed me. “Natalie,” she shouted. She ran over to me. “I can’t believe you’re here now. Too bad we’re not in the same classes and our lunch isn’t at the same time.” “Yeah,” I said. “You like it here so far?” “I hate my sub,” I said. “Who?” “Mrs. Kink but other kids call her Mrs. Bitch.” “I have heard of her. I hear she is mean.” “She is a bitch,” I said. “The bad news is our real teacher went into early labor and now she might be our permanent teacher or until she is replaced. I hope she gets replaced. I don’t like her. She thinks I shouldn’t even be in my classes.” “Why?” “I don’t know. Just because I wouldn’t take off my coat. She also doesn’t like it when I rock in my seat or walk around in class when it hasn’t even started yet and she doesn’t like it when we play with anything in our hands and she doesn’t allow Game Boys. How are we supposed to keep busy?” “That sucks,” said Allie. “I can’t even focus without moving my body.” “She reminds me of my kindergarten teacher,” I said. We were both outside and kids were still going on the buses and in the vans. “We better get going or they might leave without us,” I said. “Neah, they never leave without you, they will see us,” said Allie. “I got a Nintendo 64,” I said. “Cool, what games do you have with it?” “GoldenEye and my brother owns the Kirby game.” “Cool. Now you can rent games for it now.” “I am still trying to get paintball mode from that dam level,” I said. “My brother already got it,” said Allie. Darn, I didn’t trick her. “So when did you get the game?” Allie asked. “On Sunday,” I said. “Cool. Everything?” “What do you mean?” “The games, the Nintendo 64.” “Yes,” I said. “Allie, come on, let’s go,” her driver called. “Gotta go,” she said and ran off. I went to my van and got in. I was the last one in. “You’re slow,” said Mark. “I was talking to someone,” I said. “Okay everyone is here finally, let’s go,” said Sam. He turned the van on and we started leaving. This time I was more talkative on the way home but one of the kids was not very nice to me. When I started talking about James Bond and the game, Gary said “You’re not one of those people who goes on and on about stuff no one cares about are you? First blonde jokes, now this.” I didn’t understand what I did so wrong to not make him not like me. People always dislike me for some reason and I don’t even have to do anything wrong to them for them to not like me. People will always be mean to me no matter what. “I am not talking to you,” I said. “All you people at school go on and on about things no one cares about, it‘s so annoying, stop it.” “You stop it,” I said back. “Hey,” said Sam. After dropping Lonnie, Gracie, and Lauren off, we had dropped off Jerry. Then we headed to my house. I didn’t say anything else about James Bond for some reason. Once Gary interrupted me being all mean, I didn’t feel comfortable going back to talking because I was too upset.
When we got to my house, I got out and slammed the door. I went inside and announced being home. I took my stuff off and put it in the closet and kept my backpack with me. Mom was watching TV in the family room. “Mom, is being stupid a disability?” I asked. “No. What kind of question is that?” Mom asked. “There is a kid in my school and he is very stupid. He thinks doing chores is being a slave and he thinks his mom makes him be her slave because she makes him do chores. One time he called the police on her and they laughed at him and told him she had every right to make him do chores,” I said. “He is probably there because he has behavior problems, not because he is stupid. He is probably defiant and doesn’t like authority,” said Mom. “So of course he will feel like a slave when he is made to do things he doesn’t want to do. Maybe he was kicked out of his school too because he didn’t like being a “slave” in his school.” “What do you mean by slave in his school?” “Like being told what school work to do, how to do your assignments and I bet he thinks everyone else is being a slave because we all have to work to earn money to live or else we will all be homeless. He is probably one of those kids who doesn’t like rules and wants to be lazy. Some people just don’t want to work. But someday he will have to get a job to earn his money.” I told Mom about some kids being mean to me in school. “What did you do about it?” she asked. “Ignored them,” I said. “That’s good, maybe they will leave you alone when they see you don’t care.” “I hope,” I said. “Mom, how come you and Dad don’t like republicans?” “Because they don’t care about the poor, they are against abortions and think rape victims should have to suffer with a baby inside them they don’t want, they own the news stations and control what they want people to hear and know instead of hearing the whole story, they are very narrow minded and ignorant, they don’t like gay people. Sure some of them may have done good things but I can’t stand their views.” I told Mom more about my day. I told her how Mrs. Bitch reminds me of my old kindergarten teacher because she doesn’t like Game Boys, she doesn’t like it when I walk around the room, she can’t stand me rocking in my seat or playing with anything in my hands and she does it to everyone, she also accused me of copying a kid in front of me when I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to be copying down the DOL because she wouldn’t tell me, so she made me stand in the front of the room and tell everyone what she thought I was doing. She also accused me of arguing with her when all I did was corrected her and she made me stay after class and then kept me for the whole class because I didn’t know the time and I was scared she lost track of it and I did hard blows for attention and she got mad at me and kept me longer and then she sent me out in the hall when I couldn’t sit still. I also told her how she treats other kids and one of them threw something across the room and no one would tell her who did it so someone else took the blame and she said one page from the dictionary and another kid decided to take the blame so she doubled it and made then other kid copy three pages and no one else took the blame. Mom asked me what did I correct her in and I told her she was accusing me of cheating and I tried telling her I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to be copying down what she had on the overhead. “Didn’t you ask her what you were supposed to be copying down?” “Yes and she wouldn’t tell me, she expected me to figure it out so I tried and I got in trouble for it because she thought I was cheating.” “I am going to see if I can talk to her,” said Mom. “We also call her Mrs. Bitch,” I said. “Because she is a bitch.” “You call her that to her face?” “No,” I said. “Good because that will get you in trouble.” Then I went upstairs. Matthew was playing my game this time and he was doing the Surface level. I just went in Kelly’s room and got on the computer. “Hey would you mind not being in here, I want to do my homework alone,” she said. She was lying on her bed. “I want to use the computer and Matthew is playing my game,” I said “So find something else to do, go play Sega or something.” “But I want to be online,” I said. “You can be on it when I am done being alone.” “So be alone somewhere else,” I said. Kelly got off her bed and left the room. I turned the computer on and sat down. I waited for it to boot up and then Kelly came back in her room. “Okay, he is done playing your game now, you can go play it now,” she said. I left the computer and went in Mom and Dad’s room. Matthew was leaving Mom and Dad’s room. “Kelly promised me her whole day of babysitting salary if I give you the Nintendo,” he said. He was so lucky Kelly was giving him money. I turned the game on and started playing. I did the Dam level again. I did it quick as possible beating the truck to the gate so I wouldn’t have to wait for it and I had to destroy all the alarms and insert the covet modem. Then I headed to the cliff and I got stuck so I had to struggle going up the stairs and I jumped off. I saw the results and I was six two seconds late. “Noooo,” I said. “So close, stupid James Bond.” I did the level again and did it quick as possible and this time I didn’t get stuck trying to go up the steps to jump off. Then it said new cheat available and I cheered. “I got paintball mode finally from the dam level,” I shouted in the hallway. Then I went to the window and lifted the thick blankets and opened the window and shouted “I got paintball mode from that dam level,” I shouted. I wondered if anyone heard me and thought I was cursing. I was going to go to school tomorrow and say I unlocked the cheat from the dam level and see how many people I trick.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 20, 2013 23:09:41 GMT
Chapter 14
I was on the computer in Kelly’s room looking on the new incontinent board. There were already new posts there and I felt happier again because I still had the incontinent board to go to even if I was kicked off the other one for no reason. I made a post about trying to keep my diapers hidden at my new school and if anyone else has ever been in that situation and how did they keep kids from finding out. What did they do about their smell and messes. Then I checked out the Diaper Story’s board again and the fighting about me being banned had ended luckily. It had bounced off the board. New posts always bump the oldest posts off the board and they are gone. I checked out new posts and then I went back to reading The Double Life of Ariel Crawford. Soon Mom called my name. I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. I put my coat and shoes on and went out the door. I headed to the van and got in. “I got the cheat on the dam level,” I said. “Natalie, we don’t tolerate language in here,” Sam warned me. “No, the dam level, on GoldenEye,” I said. “You’re not going to talk about that game are you?” Gary asked. “You’re not going to listen to me talk about the game are you?” I asked. “She means the level is the dam,” said Brian. “Oh,” said Sam. I had tricked Sam. Now to see who else I can trick when they get in the van. “I was playing the game and my mom thought my brother said the D word when he said I was trying to beat the dam level under a certain amount of tie and she told him to watch his language and he had to correct her. Then when my dad came home and came up to his and Mom’s bedroom where I was playing and asked me if I was enjoying my new game system, and I said Yep and I couldn’t get the cheat from the dam level, he asked me what is a lady like me doing cursing. Then I had to correct him. Remember in Vegas Vacation, the Griswolds went to the Hoover Dam for the dam tour and the guy giving the tour kept saying dam this dam that like are there any dam questions, do not wander off the dam tour and it sounded like he was saying the D word and I was so disappointed they don’t talk like that there and it was only done for the movie.” “Is the level any dam good?” Cindy asked. “It’s dam fine,” I said. “Is the dam part any better than the dam part in the movie?” Mark asked. “Hey, let’s cut that out,” said Sam. “There will be no saying the word to cuss to disguise the swear word.” “That’s not what we’re doing,” I said. “I don’t care, stop it.” We picked Jerry up and I told him I got the cheat from the dam level. “Hey, what did I tell you?” said Sam. “It’s the name of the level,” I said. “I don’t want you saying the word to get away with swearing.” He was so stupid. “Is your true hair color blonde?” I asked. He didn’t answer. “Oh jeez,” said Gary. We picked up Lauren next and I told her I got paintball mode cheat from the dam level. “Natalie, enough,” Sam scolded. “Don’t make me tell the school.” I decided that was enough and I would wait until I got out of the van to do it.
When we got to school, I got out and started telling random kids I got paintball mode from the dam level. Few of them fell for it because they gasped or told me I said a bad word. The rest didn’t answer and some just said “Wow.” But Allie saw me. “Hey Natalie, are you telling everyone about that cheat you got?’ she asked. “I want to see how many of them are thinking I am saying the D word instead of dam,” I said. I went to my locker and Allie was walking with me. She saw me opening my backpack and asked me where my diapers were. “Sssh, not so loud,” I said. “In the health room.” “Why do you keep them in there?” she said quieter. “So no one will see them and find out I wear them. I don’t want anyone here knowing I wear them. You never told anyone did you?” “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” said Allie zipping her mouth. “Hey does it bother you there are no clocks in the rooms?” I asked. “Some of them have their own clocks, just not ticking ones,” said Allie. “How come they don’t have any?” I asked. “Because they are loud and distracting.” “How so, the noise blocks it out.” “Not for me. I can’t even concentrate with the ticking sound or even hear myself think and I was so glad they got rid of those.” “When?” “I don’t know, I wasn’t here when they did it.” Allie was so silly. “I am also happy they put extra insulation in the walls so I can’t hear everything going on next door. Ugh. I remember all that in elementary school,” she said. “They do say people with ADHD are sensitive to hearing.” “Why?” I asked. “I don’t know. That is what I have read.” “Why don’t all teachers have their own clocks?” I asked. “I don’t know. Ask them.” I started walking to English. “So you say you keep your diapers in the health room?” said Allie. “Yes,” I said. “Where?” “The cupboard.” “Oh. Wouldn’t anyone see them if they look in there?” “They wouldn’t know they’re mine,” I said. “Only the principal would know and some teachers.” Then Allie said she was going to her class now. She left and I walked into mine and sat down. “I got paintball mode from that dam level,” I said to the kids who were already in the classroom. “Natalia!” Mrs. Bitch yelled. “No, the dam level, the next level is the facility level,” I corrected. “Out now,” she ordered. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Out,” she pointed at the wall. I grabbed my binder and textbook and walked out the door. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. I was now out. Now what? I saw Janelle come into Mrs. Bitch’s classroom and other kids. Soon, the bell rang and I was still out here. I was expecting Mrs. Bitch to come out and tell me to come back in but she never did. I peeked in through the door window. I noticed a few kids looking at me and Mrs. Bitch saw me and came to the door. I backed up so she could open it. “You are not allowed in here, I do not tolerate language in my classroom,” she said. “So what do I do?” I said. “That’s your problem.” She went back inside. I wondered if I was allowed to come back tomorrow but I didn’t care. Maybe I would be in another class for English. Were there any other tenth grade English teachers? I just walked away from the classroom. Then I got stopped by a teacher. “Hey what are you doing out of class?” she asked. “I got kicked out,” I said. “Kicked out?” “I tricked the teaching into thinking I said the D word instead of the place that holds back water,” I said. “Let’s see what we can do, follow me.” I followed her. “Where is your room at?” I led her to it and she opened the door and talked to Mrs. Bitch. I waited outside and then the teacher walked back out and told me to go inside. I went in and Ms. Bitch told me to sit down. I knew she meant at my desk so I sat down. “Like playing practical jokes I see,” she said to me. “I do not allow any clowning around in here. You are here to learn, not play. You got it?” “Yes,” I said. “Good. I don’t want any more trouble out of you.” Mrs. Bitch had the overhead on and I started to copy down the DOL. I got done just in time before she turned it off. Then she started her day of teaching. She told us about our books again and made us go back into groups and read to each other again. I got The Giver out of my binder and sat down with my group. “Okay, who is going first?” I said. “I don’t want to read,” said the boy who refused to read yesterday. “Why not?” I asked. “I just don’t,” he said. “On Friday Mrs. Bitch (she said the name quietly) made him read out loud as a way to humiliate him,” a girl in my group whispered. “She said he had to learn to get used to it so she made him do it and he got tremendous anxiety I could tell he was sweating. Then he ran out of the classroom and the teacher was mad.” “What did she do next?” I asked. “Nothing. She just called the office and said he ran out and he was brought back to class and she told him to not do that again. Then you did it on Monday and yesterday I was seeing who the next kid will be.” “You have been lucky so far,” another boy told me in my group. “Why?” I asked. “Because you have already gotten into trouble by her already but it’s been nothing, she does worse with her punishments and she is so good she makes it look like she is helping or trying to make you better and everyone falls for it, the parents, the other teachers, and the principal. She is very manipulative. So if you tell your parents, they are going to believe the school, not you. But since you are new, she is probably going easy on you but then soon she will start getting rough and you will see what we mean.” “Why isn’t anyone telling me?” I asked. “I was told if I mess with her, I will be sorry and I will regret it. What did he mean by that? Why is everyone so afraid of her?” “Because last year-“ “I don’t see reading, read,” Mrs. Bitch ordered us. “I’ll tell you later.” Then he started reading to us.
After class ended, I wanted to know the reason why everyone is so afraid of Mrs. Bitch. I tried asking the same boy again but he said he can’t talk over loud noise and it’s too noisy out here and maybe next class he will tell me. He even told me “What? I can’t hear you” when I first asked him what was he going to tell me about the teacher. So I headed to Math dealing with the same kids blocking my eye sight and smiling. I just gave them a dirty look and kept on walking. Unfortunately the boy wasn’t in my math class. I thought about Mrs. Bitch and what she could possibly do that is so bad. What could be the worst she could ever do to me? If the things she has done to me so far weren’t bad, what worst thing could she have done to me? I had been lucky so far the kid had told me. Then someone clapped their hands over my head and startled me and the kid laughed. I ignored it and figured he will not do it again if he thought I didn’t care. I studied the Spanish words in my book. When more kids were in class I shouted out I got paintball mode on the dam level. “Natalie,” Mrs. Zeller scolded. “We do not tolerate bad language.” “No the dam level, the one that holds back water,” I said. “Gotcha.” “Not funny,” she said. Some kids were laughing. I assumed they were laughing at my joke. Soon the bell rang and Mrs. Zeller took her attendance and started class. I got my math book and opened it to the same page again and opened my bonder and went to the math paper. We worked through our problems again. Soon I raised my hand. “Yes?” Mrs. Zeller asked. “How come you don’t have a clock in here?” I asked. “Because I have a watch and I don’t need one,” she replied. “But what about the other students, they wouldn’t know the time,” I said. “Why would they need to know the time? They can always wear a watch.” “To know how much left is class,” I said. Mrs. Zeller went back to explaining the math problem. I raised my hand again. “Yes?” “Why are the lights different here?” I asked. “Because the other ones buzz and are too bright for some of the students and they can see the flicker so we have these special ones here that are quiet and don’t flicker and aren’t bright. Now please wait until after class to ask me more questions that aren’t about math problem unless you are asking to use the restroom or ask me before class starts next time.” I didn’t ask any more questions.
I waited in line during lunch. It was just older kids and my age. The line went pretty fast and everyone was punching in their number. Then my turn came and I put my number in. My account showed up telling me how much money I had left. I went over to the food where the cafeteria ladies were serving food on our trays. Things were different here than my old school. Back at my old school we always grabbed our own trays and some food but here they were doing everything for us. Grabbing a tray and putting food on it and sliding it down and then sliding it to us for us to take and we grabbed our own milk and they also put silverware on the tray for us like it was elementary school. Then I started pooping in my diaper, right where food is. Good thing I was taking the medicine or the whole area would have stunk and I bet kids would be too grossed out to even eat their meal. Pooping around food is the worst place to mess a diaper. I have done it at the dinner table and Kelly lost her appetite over it and Mom had to take me upstairs to change. I also once tried telling an outhouse joke and I got cut off because people were eating and they said not around food. I keep forgetting to never talk about poop or pee when people are eating. But I can eat and listen about poop and pee and it doesn’t gross me out and I can still eat. People are sure weird. I had to now feel the mess around my buttocks. I grabbed my tray when my turn came and I reached down and grabbed a milk out of the milk basket and went to a table. I had to sit down in my mess and I had just changed an hour ago. I wasn’t sure if I should change or stay in it. The best thing was no one knew I had shit my pants. I sat down at an empty table and felt the mess spread to my pelvis area. I started eating and I ate it fast. I was starving and I am always starving before lunch time. I also noticed some kids brought their own lunches to school. I hadn’t seen that since sixth grade. In seventh grade, everyone had hot lunch and no one brought a cold lunch.
After I finished eating, I dumped the remain and threw away the milk carton and put the tray and silverware away where one of the lunch ladies grabs it and rinses it. I headed to the office. I decided to change and it was going to take me a while to clean it up and get all the crap off since I had spread it around and got it all over my vagina area. When I got to the office, the door was locked. I started to feel angry inside. How was I going to change if I was locked out of my supplies? I kicked at the door and pounded on it. “Son of a,” I said. I started crying. I didn’t know where to look to get someone to unlock the door. Where was the principal? I kept kicking at the door and then a teacher came out of the room. “What is going on?” he asked. “I am locked out,” I cried. “I am trying to teach and the students are getting distracted from the commotion out here. Now what do you need in for?” “Just to do something,” I said. “Don’t pound on the door, we are learning here.” He went back in his classroom. I walked around in circles and I felt like screaming. Then I saw two girls walking down the stairs. They were Allie and someone else I didn’t know. “What’s wrong Natalie?” Allie asked. “I can’t get in there,” I pointed “The principal is on her lunch break, she will be back soon to open it for you,” said Allie. “She always locks everything when she leaves so no one will go in there and steal anything.” I didn’t know why I was so upset. I knew I could change later. I was just so mad they locked it when I needed to change. I had my hands in fists and I wanted to break down the door to show them they cannot lock me out of my supplies. I decided to run into the door to see if I could break it down. I got back and ran towards the door. I didn’t break it down. I got back and ran into it again. “What are you doing?” Allie asked. “Trying to break it down,” I cried and I ran into it again. I felt like Jack Dawson in Titanic who busted down a door with his body and a crew member told him what does he think he is doing, he was going to have to pay for it and he and Rose told him to shut up. The ship was sinking, why did he get mad about it? Who cares what damage he did. The ship was going down. I hadn’t seen the full movie in over a year and I still remembered the part. Then another teacher screamed at me for the commotion. “Hey, you knock it off right now. That is unacceptable behavior or do I need to get someone to restrain you?” I couldn’t say anything because how was I going to tell her I was messy and needed to change and it will take me a while to clean up so I just cried only. Then Mrs. Peggy arrived and she had food with her. She was carrying a Subway bag with her Subway sand which in it. “What is going on?” she asked. “She was pounding on the door,” the teacher replied. I saw a few other kids come by and they looked at us as they walked by. “Just take a deep breath,” Mrs. Peggy told me. “Take a deep breath.” She took a deep breath. I copied her. “Again,” said Mrs. Peggy. We both took a deep breath. Then Mrs. Peggy took her keys from her purse and unlocked the door. “I am always gone during lunch period so it will be locked,” she said. Allie and her friend were already gone and so was the teacher. “But what if I needed to change and this door is locked,” I said. “Can you change after I am back?” “I’m messy and it will take me a while to clean up and I will be late to class.” “Do you need to shower, we have them in the locker room in the gym?” “I don’t want kids to see me and find out,” I said. “Oh dear, we don’t have any private showers. I can call for the nurse and she can come and help you if you have trouble.” This was all embarrassing. I just started crying. I would mind as well stay in my mess and hope I will not leak. “How did you handle your mess at your last school?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “I changed myself if it wasn’t bad or had the nurse do it,” I cried. “So what’s the problem getting it here?” “I don’t know.” “If you’re late to class, I can always write you a note if you’re worried.” I felt better. I decided I would use toilet paper and paper towels to get the majority of the mess off my butt and bottom so I wouldn’t be using all my wipes. I opened the cupboard and took a diaper out. I headed to the bathroom. “Will you be fine in there?” Mrs. Peggy asked me. “Yes,” I said. “Okay. I will be in my office having my lunch.” I locked myself in the bathroom and took off my shoes and pants and tossed them aside. I took off my socks too. I took my shirt off and my swimsuit and tossed them with my pants. I took the diaper off and it was a mess. I wiped the rest of it off using the front of the diaper and I used wet paper towels to clean myself up. If I peed on the floor, I could just wipe it up. I heard the bell ringing and I soon finished cleaning up. I put my clean diaper on and my pants my clothes and shoes. I didn’t even need my wipes after all. I put them back and got a note from Mrs. Peggy and headed to PE. I had been so focused on my issue, I forgot about the dam joke.
I headed out to the van after school. Allie saw me and ran after me. “How did the dam joke go?” she asked. “I got kicked out of Mrs. Bitch’s class because she fell for it, I got scolded by Mrs. Zeller, Mr. Leaf reminded me of the rules, Mrs. Jenkins didn’t fall for it because her son plays the game and so do his friends, Mrs. Nancy gasped, Mr. Al didn’t seem to care so I guess he allows bad language in his class, Mrs. Giland shouted “what did you just say?” and it was so funny and some kids fell for it but lot of them know about the game so they didn’t fall for it.” “I bet you had a fun day with it,” said Allie. “That game is so popular I didn’t think it was going to work because everyone would know about the dam level and what you mean by it.” “It’s been top selling since it came out,” I said. “Even my brother bought it and then he took it with when he moved out. I used to hate the game and then I started to like it when I found out it was based on the movie. Then it started my whole James Bond interest.” “Have you tried out the new Bond game yet, The World is Not Enough?” “I just got the Nintendo 64 so I haven’t even played it,” I said. “Today, why were you so upset about the door being locked?” “Because I needed to change and I couldn’t,” I said. “Were you leaking?” “No, I was messy.” “Oh you were slushy.” “Huh?” I asked. “A word for poop. It’s a word I got out of a new movie, slush for poop. I slushed my pants.” I laughed. That sounded hilarious. I pictured a slushy drink in her pants. I even pictured someone pouring their slush drink down the back of her pants. “What movie was it?” I asked. “It was with that Leave it to Beaver boy in it. He was playing baseball in it.” “Which one?” I asked. “The old series or the movie?” “The movie. It had that little boy in it who played the beaver that got his bike stolen. You ever seen it?” “Yes,” I said. “My brother rode over his own Game Boy with his bike. It was already broken,” said Allie. “Which brother?” “Sam.” “Why was it broken?” “It fell in the bucket of water while he was washing the car.” “Why did he have it with him as he was washing it?’ I asked. “He had it in his pocket and when he bent down to get the sponge wet, it fell out and went in the water and the graphics were all screwed up you couldn’t even see the game.” “When did that happen?” “Last summer. Not this summer, last, a year ago.” I felt sorry for him, I couldn’t imagine wrecking my own Game Boy. “But he got a new one, a colored one this time,” said Allie. “Allie, come on,” the driver yelled from her van. “Gotta go, see you tomorrow,” Allie ran to her van. I got in mine. “Are you going to hold us up every day now?” Gary asked. I didn’t answer. We left and on the way home, Mark decided to tell me a story. “Okay this family goes to the zoo and they have a retarded boy with them. They go to the first exhibit and the first animals are giraffes. “Hey what’s that?” “Gwauff.” “Yay for the retard.” Hey go to the next exhibit and in the cages are lions. “Hey what’s that?” “Wion.” “Yay for the retard.” Mark was clapping his hands as he was saying yay for the retard. “They go to the next exhibit and they see monkeys. “Hey what’s that?” “Monkey.” “Yay for the retard.” They go to the next exhibit and they see bears. “Hey what’s that?” “Bear.” “Yay for the retard.” Then they go to the next exhibit and in there are elephants. “Hey what’s that?” “Ewephant.” “Yay for the retard.” Then they go to the next exhibit and in there are animals and they are white and have black stripes and they look like horses. What are they?” Mark stopped telling the story. “What are they Natalie, tell us,” Mark said. “Zebra,” I said. “Yay for the retard,” all the kids clapped and cheered. I was mad, they were making fun of me. “I am not retarded,” I screamed and I started swining my bag at all of them. I wanted them to be afraid of me so they would never bother me. The kids held their hands up and told me to stop and Cindy said “What is your problem?” Sam pulled the van over. “Hey hey hey,” he shouted. “Natalie, knock it off.” “They called me a retard,” I protested. “It was a joke,” said Mark. “Geez she gets so out of control.” “That was part of the joke,” said Gary. “You answered like the retarded kid did in the joke, get it?” I still didn’t get it. I still was convinced they were poking fun at me and they told me the “joke” just to call me a retard. “Natalie, you’re over reacting,” Sam told me. I just sat still and hid my face. No one bothered me on the rest of the way home. I did hear whispering about me. “She just started swinging it at us,” I heard. “No wonder she was kicked out of her school.” I just sniffed and kept my head down. Maybe I did make a mistake and it was just a coincidence.
When I got home I left the van ignoring everyone. I walked through the grass instead of using the driveway and pathway to the front porch like I always do. I went inside and took my shoes off and threw them in the closet and went upstairs. I went in my room and threw my backpack on the floor ad my coat and lied on my bed and looked up at the canopy. Just my typical day in school. Even kids who are different like picking on other kids who are different. Maybe if I can make everyone be afraid of me, they will all leave me alone. What could I do to make them be afraid of me? I have always wanted kids to be afraid of me. I could remember teachers telling me I scare them and I make them afraid. I wasn’t even hitting them or throwing things at them but they said me running out of class or throwing things or pushing over my chair scares them. I did scare kids when Veronica and I got in a fight once and we got suspended for a week but they still made fun of me and were mean to me. Maybe if I tried harder, I can make everyone be afraid of me and I would never be picked on again. Screw all the assertive behavior, that wasn’t even giving me a normal life. I have to be aggressive to make everyone afraid of me so I will have a normal life. Starting tomorrow I was going to be different no more miss nice girl. I got up and decides to share the “joke” to my brother and sister. Mom was nowhere to be found. I found Kelly in her room doing her homework. “Can you please wait until I am done before getting online?” Kelly asked. “You have done your homework before with me in here,” I said. “And it was hard before but now I can have my privacy.” “I learned a joke on the way home,” I said. “Can you tell it later, I am working here and then I have to go baby sit the Sweeny’s kids at five. You can tell it after and is it another blonde joke?” “No,” I said. “Good, I get so sick of hearing them.” I left and found Matthew in his room this time. Yay he wasn’t playing my game. “I learned a joke today on the way home,” I said. “A family goes to the zoo and they have a retarded boy with them. They go to the exhibit and the first thing they see are giraffes. “Hey what’s that?” I pointed. “Gwauff.” Then I clapped my hands. “Yay for the retard.” Then they go to the next exhibit and in there are lions. “Hey what’s that?” “Wion.” “Yay for the retard.” “Then they go to the next exhibit and in there they see are elephants. “Yay what’s that?” “Ewephant.” “Yay for the retard.” Then they go to the last exhibit and in there are animals and they are white and have black stripes and they look like horses. What are they?” “Zebra?” said Matthew. I clapped and cheered. “Yay for the retard.” I felt so much better calling someone else that. Now I wanted to tell it online. Then I heard Mom come home. I ran downstairs to tell her the joke but she was in a tired mood. She said she had a hard day, Matthew having early out and the parent teacher thing, taking Kelly to her first appointment, then going to my school to talk to my sub teacher and she just wanted to rest. I just went back upstairs. I played more of GoldenEye and I felt more relaxed and happy again. I just pretended all the bad guys were the mean kids from my old school and new school and the teacher. When Kelly finally left to baby sit, I just got on the computer and went back to looking on Diaper Story’s and read more to The Double Life of Ariel Crawford. I noticed Mom never made dinner so she had Matthew and I fend for ourselves. I just had a bowl of ice cream and Matthew heated himself up some pasta, one of those TV dinners. Of course Dad was mad when Mom brought him home and saw there was no food and he couldn’t understand what was so exhausting about Matthew’s school having early release and going to his teacher thing and taking Kelly to her first appointment and going back to his school and then back to her appointment to pick her up and then going to mine and she knew this day was coming. He was in a bad mood again so he was yelling again and slamming things. I hated hearing the shouting and then I heard Dad hollering at Mom for walking away from him and shutting herself in the den and locking the door. Then I heard him yelling at Matthew for not throwing away his TV dinner and putting his fork in the dishwasher and screamed when he was going to stop being lazy and start following the damn rules. Then I noticed I had a leak again. I hadn’t changed since after lunch and I had gotten the chair very wet. Dad saw me with wet pants when I went in the hallway. “Jesus Christ Natalia when are you going to stop being lazy about your problem and start taking care of your damn medical condition? If your mother can do it, so can you.” I just ran in my bedroom and slammed the door. “Where is Kelly?” Dad shouted. No one answered. I wondered what his problem was. “Where’s Kelly?” Dad called. Then he pounded on my door. “Do you know where your sister is?” “Baby sitting,” I shouted as angry as I could. “Don’t raise your voice at me young lady,” he said. I finished getting changed and put on some dry pants and went back to Kelly’s room. I had to wipe my wet spot off the chair. Then I set a dry towel over it and sat down. This was just typical Dad when he has had a rough day at work or a bad day and he comes home and starts screaming at all of us if something isn’t right and it couldn’t be due to the drinking because he hadn’t had a sip unless he had one at work or maybe he can’t cope without a sip, he acted like this last time when Mom made him go a week without drinking but he couldn’t even last because he went to the bar instead and drank more than he usually did and crashed his car. Then of course we all ignore him and walk away and Mom locks herself in the bathroom or den or the master bedroom. I wonder if the bitch at work gave him a hard time. No I don’t mean Mrs. Bitch, I mean a lady from his work he cheated with. I think my parents avoided each other for the rest of the evening. None of them spoke and Dad just stayed in the master bedroom while Mom stayed downstairs. Then Kelly came home around seven thirty and she had her backpack with her and she was sighing. “Do you know who won the presidential election?” she asked. “No,” I said. “Bush. The Sweenys were upset about it.” “Why?” “I don’t know. Hate republicans I guess. Hey why do you have that towel on my chair?” “I don’t know,” I said. “Are you leaking on my chair?” she said louder. “No,” I said. “Up,” she ordered. I stood up. She felt the towel and picked it up and looked at the chair and sniffed it. “You pissed all over it.” She stormed out in the hall and shouted “Daddy.” “Now what?” he said as he came out of the master bedroom. “Her diaper leaked on my chair,” Kelly complained. “I just yelled at her about it,” said Dad. “It smells like piss.” “The chair?” “Yes. I am so sick of her leaking all over the place and on my chair.” “I’ll see what I can find that will remove the smell,” and he walked away. “When are you going to stop being lazy and change?” Kelly asked me. “I forgot,” I yelled. “Maybe I should have a sign on my door saying No Natalie allowed.” “But the computer is in here,” I said. “So, stop being lazy and you will be allowed back in here.” “I will just move the computer out,” I said. “And how are you going to get online? My room is the only one with a phone jack. Are you going to move it to Mom and Dad’s room?” “Yeah,” I said. “Just like how I took the Sega out of Matthew’s room and he did the same with my Nintendo.” Kelly sighed. “Nothing will ever stop you.” Then Dad came back with some cleaning chemical. “Okay Natalie, you made the mess, you clean it up. You spray this on the chair and use this rag and scrub the chair to get out the smell.” He handed me the items and I took them and started spraying the chair. Then I started rubbing it in. “Spray more on,” said Dad. I sprayed more on and started rubbing more and more in. “More,” said Dad. I sprayed more on. “More.” I sprayed more. “Like this,” Dad took the bottle from me and sprayed it all over the seat and started scrubbing it using the rag. “Remember what we talked about,” Dad told me. “Change more often. Don’t wait too long to do it. How is it so hard to do? You just go and take the diaper off, clean yourself put a new one on and you’re done. It’s that simple.” “She likes all this Dad,” said Kelly. I pushed her. “Hey,” Dad shouted. “Natalie, if you don’t want kids at your new school finding about all this, take better care of yourself and they won’t. Now go downstairs and have a glass of water while I finish this.” I went downstairs and took my pill and had a cup of water. I also took my other pills I am on. Mom was lying on the couch. I went over to her and asked if she wanted to hear a “joke” I learned in the car. “Okay, let’s hear it,” she said. I told her the joke. Mom just laughed. “Do you get the joke?” I asked. “I answered it like the kid would so it made me the retard,” she said. I went upstairs and asked Kelly if she now wanted to hear the joke. “Okay be quick with it,” she said. I told her the joke and she just rolled her eyes. “At least it wasn’t a blonde joke.” “Did you get the joke?” I asked. “Yes and it was a dumb one. Why would a family address their kid by their disability? We don’t address you by yours or mine or Mom’s or Matthew’s or say about Dad “Yay for the OCD” or about Brian “yay for the depression” or say about Mom “yay for the anxiety or whatever she has wrong with her Or even say about you “yay for the incontinent.” “Yay for the dyslexic,” I cheered as I clapped. “Yay for the alcoholic,” said Kelly. “Yay for whatever he has wrong with him,” I said about Matthew. I ran out of the room and told Dad the joke I learned in the van. “I would be careful telling that joke, some people might get offended by it,” Dad warned me. “I can’t believe they would tell that in school.” “It was in the van,” I said. “Same thing, you were still with school property and following school rules. You are with school property until you are off the bus and the bus has left.” “Van,” I said. “Van,” Dad corrected. “Oh well I guess it’s the same with you telling blonde jokes so kids with disabilities would tell a retarded joke and call you a retard even if they may have been called it too. But be careful telling that joke. You don’t want to upset someone or have them think you are making fun of retarded people. You never know if they have a sibling with it or an aunt or uncle or cousin or someone they know with it and they may even have a child with it.” I left and got back on the computer and posted the joke on Bravenet and on the incontinent board. I wanted someone to answer and say Zebra and then I type Yay for the retard. Then I went and took my shower.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 20, 2013 23:11:03 GMT
Chapter 15
“How does a retarded donkey greet people?” Brian asked the next day. “Hi,” he said in a tone of voice that sounded like Arnie from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Kids laughed. “What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid?” Cindy asked. “I don’t know, what?” some kids asked. “Sum-Ting-Wong.” Kids laughed again. Sam was just shaking his head. “I have a real retarded joke,” said Gary. “Who can jump higher than a building? No one. Buildings can’t jump.” “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Mark asked. “To get to the other side,” said the other kids. I just sat here as kids told jokes. “Why did the chicken jump in the frying pan?” Jerry asked. “He wanted to be a Kentucky fried chicken.” “Why did the potato cross the road?” I joined in. “He wanted to be a mashed potato.” “I don’t get it,” said Cindy. “That was so dumb,” said Brian. “He got ran over so he got smashed, get it?” I said. “But you said mashed potato, not smash potato,” said Gary. “And it’s mashed potatoes, not smashed potatoes.” I didn’t bother telling other jokes. Some of them they told were dumb and made no sense. I had on my winter coat I was wearing for the first time this year. I felt something bulky in my pocket and I took it out. It was my old recorder. I must have left it in here and forgotten about it. I could remember Matthew and I playing with it once and then I stuck it in here. I put it back in my pocket and zipped it. “Anyone like getting their picture taken when they go shopping? They have cameras now,” said Lonnie. “They don’t take your picture, they film you,” I said. “They do if you steal something and they press charges and the police take you in for a mug shot,” said Gary. “That’s the police doing it, not the store,” I said. “Whatever.” I felt good getting my payback.
Then we arrived at the school and everyone got out. I didn’t tell my dam joke again because everyone now knew I meant the level in the game. I didn’t need to go to the office for my today’s schedule because the Tuesday one was the same as today. I had group therapy again. I went to my locker and put my stuff away and walked to Mrs. Bitch class carrying my binder and textbook and wearing my winter coat. Then the same kid put his hand in front of my face again. “Quit it,” I snapped. Then the next kid did it and this time I shoved him and pushed him against the locker. “Jeez, what is your problem?” he said. “What is your problem?” I said back. “Pick on someone else.” I noticed some kids were looking at me and I walked away carrying my stuff. I walked in Mrs. Bitch’s room. “Why did you push Joshua for?” Kenny asked when he came in too. “He was being mean to me,” I said. “He was not.” “He blocked my eye sight,” I said. “So.” “Natalia, you be good,” Mrs. Bitch told me. “It’s Natalie,” I said. “If you want me to address you by your correct name, be a good student. Do it in this class, you have trouble.” I already hated school. I sat down in my seat and looked at other Spanish words in my book. Then something hit me. I looked up and kids were laughing. I picked the bobby pin up and threw it hard as I could at them. I was getting so sick of this. “Whoa,” they said. Soon everyone was in class and the bell rang and Mrs. Bitch took attendance. How she did it, she never called anyone’s name, she would just look to see who is here and mark their name off and put it by the door. I didn’t know everyone’s name yet because of it. Not all teachers called our names to check off. It was the same at my other school. When I was little it was so much easier to remember everyone’s name because they had name tags on their desks or table and then in Junior high, there was no name tags because we all would switch classes. Only very few teachers had name tags and we would grab one and put it on our desk and then hand it back after class. At least in group therapy, our envelopes had names on them and Mrs. Grenzle hands them out to us after class to put our group bucks in if we want to save or get out the rest of our money we have saved up. I had to get used to switching classes and in this school, we still switched classes. Mrs. Bitch put the attendance by the door and turned on the overhead and we all copied down the DOL. I had figured by now that was what we are supposed to do and we make our own corrections and then one of us goes up there and makes the correction. It was like regular class. Then Mrs. Bitch tries and has us find all the corrections. “Okay, time’s up, time to make corrections, who wants to go up?” Mrs. Bitch asked. My hand shot up and so did a few kids. “I’ll try you Natalia since you haven’t had a turn.” I got up ignoring my real name. For some reason I did not like being called by my real name. Not by her. I started making corrections. “Very good,” said Mrs. Bitch. I made as many corrections I found and then I was done. “You’re smarter than I thought,” said Mrs. Bitch. “Okay there are five more mistakes, can you find them?” she asked the whole class. I waited on everyone. “Well, take a guess or you will never learn,” said Mrs. Bitch. “Um put the comma after they’re,” said Janelle. “No,” said Mrs. Bitch. “Anyone else?” Kids started making guesses and none of them were right. “I see a misspelled word,” said Mrs. Bitch. No one could find it, neither could I. Then she finally gave out the answers and told us, now we knew. Then I sat back down and she turned it off. She didn’t care if I didn’t have the chance to copy down the corrections. She just said too bad when I told her I wasn’t finished. I decided I would do it later when I get the chance. Mrs. Bitch started talking again and kids moved around in their seats, doodled, tossed some things at each other and Mrs. Bitch would take everything from them. Then she said “Okay I am getting very sick of this, anyone who plays around in their seat, I will start taking stuff from you permanently so anything favorite you have, I wouldn’t play with it if I were you.” I was so glad I didn’t have my Game Boy. I played with my fingers instead and my hair. What was she going to do, take my hands off or cut my hair? Mrs. Bitch came over to me and grabbed my hands and let go. I started playing with my hands again and she came over to me and said “Quiet hands.” “They are quiet,” I said. “No, no playing with them or I will make you put them flat on your desk like this,” and she showed me. “I can tape them down too if you can’t keep them there.” I was shocked. Could she do that? Mrs. Bitch went back to talking. I hid my hands and played with them. Why did she have an issue with me twisting my fingers and bending them and pulling them to my arm? Would she also tape my feet to the floor if I was tapping them too? I tapped my foot quietly. I noticed some kids were bouncing their legs too and feet and Mrs. Bitch would touch their legs to stop them. Why did she also have a problem with that too? She was very weird. I forgot I was rocking in my seat when Mrs. Bitch ordered me to stand in the hall for disrupting class. “What? I wasn’t even doing anything?” I said. “You were rocking, I told you before, your desk is not a rocking chair. Out in the hall.” “Do I take my stuff or leave it?” I asked. “Out,” she pointed. I took my stuff anyway but she told me to leave it. I grabbed my coat instead and went out in the hallway. I set it on the floor and sat down. I took out my recorder. I played it and I heard my old voice and Matthew’s and we were saying bad words in it and then I heard TV shows. Then the door opened and I hid the recorder under my coat. Mrs. Bitch looked at me and went back inside. I waited a few moments and took it out again and played more and I turned the volume down. This time I heard gun shots and background music which was the GoldenEye game Brian had. Then the door opened again and I turned it off and hid it under my coat again. “Inside,” said Mrs. Bitch. I got up and grabbed my coat and kept the recorder hidden under it. I went inside and I saw everyone was already in groups. I set my coat down in my chair and moved my desk to the group and picked up my coat again and sat down and kept it on my lap. I looked at Mrs. Bitch and I saw she had her back turned so I quickly put the recorder back in my coat pocket and got out The Giver and we went to reading. When class ended, Mrs. Bitch made me stay behind because she said we needed a girl talk. Some kids had looks on their faces like something was wrong. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t know what they would be so scared about. They weren’t the ones being told to stay after class. After everyone left, I stayed seated in my chair. I played with my coat zipper and felt the recorder in the pocket. Mrs. Bitch came over to me and I put my hands under my legs so I wouldn’t play with them. I put my feet around the chair legs so I wouldn’t be able to bounce them. “Having a bad start are we?’ she said. “I guess,” I said not knowing what to say. “Hey look at me.” I saw her legs and her chest. “Hey up here,” she grabbed at my face and I jerked away. “Don’t like touch I see.” “I don’t like being grabbed,” I said. “So why are you in this class?” “My parents put me here,” I said. “You are a distraction to the whole class with your inappropriate behavior.” Huh? What was she talking about? “How do you know?” I asked. “Because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate if I was trying to learn and you are moving in your seat or playing with your hands or your short or sleeves and rocking in your seat and moving your body, it’s a big distraction for me as a teacher.” “Why are you even here if you expect us to be normal?” I said. Then it happened. “Hey you listen and you listen good,” she yelled. “If you tell anyone about me and how I teach this class I will tell the whole school your secret.” “Secret?” I asked. “That’s right, your principal told me about your little problem and why you wouldn’t take your coat off and I got verbally spanked for my comment to you suggesting you should be in a different class. I also read your IEP and it said to excuse you from class when necessary.” Then a student came in and Mrs. Bitch ordered her to leave the room and wait until she is done having a private chat with me. “Oh sorry,” and the kid left. She left in a hurry as if she was also afraid of her. “I see you lost the coat finally.” She was looking at my bottom. “But it took you one day to finally not wear one in class and now you have another one with you but I see you are not wearing it. Just one more thing, don’t fuck with me. I can see you like telling your mother about me and how unfair I am to you and I see she has already complained about me twice already. One about the coat incident and me about making you stand in front of the whole class telling everyone the crime you were doing and you’re her snowflake. I can already see she will keep coming in here harassing me about how I treat you and trying to get you to act appropriate and keep complaining about me so I suggest you keep your mouth shut about me to anyone about how I teach or I spill your secret.” Then she got up and opened the door and let the kid back inside and other kids came inside too and sat in their seats. “Thanks for waiting quietly students,” she said in her nice voice again. I was shocked at her threat she gave me. So she really can get that bad and I knew what worst she could do. I never knew a teacher could act like a mean kid. I was trapped. I could never tell my mom or dad about this teacher and what she does or she would tell the whole school my secret. I couldn’t tell my group either or anyone else. Not even Allie. Now I knew why everyone was so afraid of her. I slowly got out of my seat and headed to my next class feeling all overwhelmed. She knew I wore them and she was using it against me so I couldn’t complain about her anymore. I went to my locker and grabbed my Game Boy and other games stuck them in my other coat pocket and headed to Math. This time no one bothered me in the hallway. I arrived to class and sat down.
“Earth to Natalie,” Mrs. Zeller asked during class. I looked at the scroll thing the teacher had down for the overhead light to shine on. “Are you paying attention?” “Yes,” I said. “You looked troubled, is anything bothering you?” “No,” I lied. “Okay, try to pay better attention.” I continued listening but I didn’t even know I had zoned out again. Soon class ended and it was Mrs. Zeller’s turn to keep me after class. I wondered what was going to happen next. She walked over to me and sat down across from me. “Are you doing okay here?” she asked. What? “Huh?” I asked. “It looked like something was bothering you and you looked upset so you weren’t all there I could tell,” she said. “No, I’m fine,” I said. “Nothing you want to talk about?” “No,” I said. “Still getting used to coming here eh?” “Maybe,” I said. “Nothing is going on at home or here?” “No,” I said again. “If there is anything you need to talk about, I am here.” I liked this teacher. She was nice and caring and she wasn’t mean like Mrs. Bitch. She was Mrs. Nice. But I couldn’t tell her about Mrs. Bitch and ruin my new life here. “You’re excused now,” said Mrs. Zeller. I got out of my seat and put my math book away and got my stuff and left class again and headed to Spanish. Kids were talking and I saw the aid in there with Jason. The aid sat in the back and Jason sat in the middle of the room. During class I was silent and did not participate. “You’re sure quiet Natalie,” said Mr. Leaf. I didn’t say anything and a few kids around me bugged me about being quiet. They would tell me to speak or talk and wave their hands in my face and I finally snapped at them and screamed at them to leave me alone. “Kids, leave her be,” said Mr. Leaf. “Jeez,” they were saying. “I was just trying to.” I didn’t hear the rest. Then we played a little game and Mr. Leaf would hold up a card with a Spanish word and we had to say what it is in English. Then after we were done, he held up the English cards and we had to yell the word in Spanish. This reminded me of preschool and kindergarten when we were learning shapes and letters and the alphabet and then learning to read and learning sounds. But when it comes to learning a foreign language, you regress. Then when you learn to speak it fluently, you are reading children books until your Spanish vocabulary improves. It also reminded me of something parents do when they teach their kids to speak, hold up a card and say the word that is on the card with the picture. Mom did that with me when I was little. It also reminds me of speech therapists doing it too when they are getting the kid to say a word right or the sound in a word.
After class ended I headed to the health room to get my diaper changed. I saw Allie in the health room when I walked in there. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “Um…looking for a band aid, see,” she showed me a cut on her finger. “It’s not even bleeding,” I said. “Sometimes it does so I need one to keep the blood in so I am not getting it on my paper or anywhere else,” she said. “God where do they keep them?” She started opening drawers and doors on the cupboards. I went to mine and took out a diaper and grabbed my wipes. I noticed a few other diapers in another cupboard when Allie was opening them. So I wasn’t the only one here wearing them. I hadn’t seen anyone in a wheelchair yet so they must have belonged to other kids who are incontinent like me and they can walk. But I didn’t know who those other kids were. Then I headed to the private restroom and changed. When I came back out, Allie was gone. I guess she found her band aids. I put the wipes back and counted how many diapers I had left. That was strange, I swore I had five left and now there was four. I shrugged figuring I must have miscounted and imagined it. I would bring more in on Monday. I looked at the other diapers and they were a smaller size. I figured they belonged to a younger kid who was a lot smaller than me. I wasn’t sure if they would fit me and I had my own so I didn’t need to try his or her’s on. I closed the cupboard and headed to my next class. The bell rang after I got to class and I told Mr. Whirt in his ear why I was late. He accepted that excuse and I sat down.
During lunch I was sitting alone eating. Then three boys from my English class came over and sat down. I wonder if they were here to bother me. They were. “Mrs. Bitch got you finally eh?” said Lee who was in my reading group. “Leave me alone,” I said. “You looked all depressed like she did something terrible to you,” he said. “I can see why everyone would be afraid of her,” I said. “It took her four days,” said Kenny. “It usually takes her longer to go after new students but since she is here longer because our real teacher is gone on sick leave and now maternity, we’re stuck with her unless they find a temporary teacher to take over. I hope that happens soon.” “What did you do to piss her off finally?” Lee asked me. “Nothing,” I said. “What were you doing when she got you?” “Just sitting in my seat,” I said. I couldn’t even remember what I did to make her threaten me. “Anything you said to her or did?” Lee asked. “She was just talking to me,” I said. “I remember last year, Jonathan pissed her off and we never saw him again,” said Eddie. “How did he piss her off?” I asked. “I do not know. He had an anger issue so he would lash out at people and hit them when he got mad and throw chairs sometimes or books and kick. He would spend a lot of time in the quiet room and teachers always had to restrain him. He had two different staff with him because he was big. Mrs. Bitch knew how to set him off so one day she provoked him just so he could hit her and she decided to press charges on him for assault and we never saw him again.” “The rumor is he went to juvi jail,” said Lee. “How did she provoke him?” I asked. “Criticizing him, telling him he needed to be a better man and he told her to shut up and she wouldn’t so finally he hit her hard and she got a black eye and a bloody mouth and she pressed charges. She manipulated him, she wanted him to assault her and hurt her just so she can have an excuse to have him arrested and get him charged for assault. The parents were angry about it and said she provoked him but everyone believed the teacher. The kid was sixteen for god’s sake and she used his weakness and his age against him. Because of his history of violence, he got put away according to what we heard. Disability or mental illness is no excuse for a crime and she exploited it just to get him in trouble. So you need to watch out, any weakness you have, she will use it against you and try and set you off for it like you throw chairs for example.” “I do not,” I said. “You knocked it down when you left the room on your first day,” said Lee. “She now knows you have that issue and she can try and get you to do it again and maybe throw it at her. You need to be strong, have self-control to defeat her. Lot of kids don’t have that strength so they are afraid of her. They have even tried to cut class when they know she is going to be their teacher. Do not let her know about your past and your past problems you have had, especially if you have a record. She will do what she did to Jonathon. Don’t let her know a lot about you. Don’t let her know you.” “We were glad he was gone,” said Eddie. “But it was bad news because it meant what she was capable of.” “This is our warning about Mrs. Bitch,” Lee told me and he and his buddies left. Wow, just wow. Getting arrested and going to jail was much worse than having my secret spilled out. I was still lucky. I could not tell Mom and Dad this either about Mrs. Bitch nor anyone else.
During PE, we did some stretches for warm ups. I was so glad we weren’t doing other warm us we did at my old school. Those were hard. I even hated stretches in elementary school because they were boring but now I didn’t mind them because it was better than doing dots or hopping around on one legs or doing other running ticks. Then we did some running but it was just normal running. No bounding or windmills or backwards run or skipping as running, or jumping up bleachers on one foot or doing any fast knee bending. Then after we were done with our warm ups, Mrs. Jenkins took out a huge ball and told us we were going to play crab soccer. I clapped and jumped up and down. “I hadn’t played it since I was little.” I couldn’t remember when I last played it, maybe third grade. “I hope all of you are coordinated enough to play it,” said Mrs. Jenkins. “You can scoot your fannies across the gym floor if you like if you can’t hold yourself up.” She got us into teams and got us into our positions. I was on the same side as Jason. Mrs. Jenkins told us “Ready, go.” We started playing. I was on my hands and feet and my belly was facing the ceiling. We went after the big ball and kicked it with our feet. I did notice some kids scooting their butts on the floor. I would only put my butt on the floor to rest my wrists. Then I would lift it back up again and go after the ball. For a bit, I had forgotten about Mrs. Bitch and the story Eddie, Lee, and Kenny had told me. No one was allowed on their feet except for the goalies. They would get up and grab the ball and throw it or kick it. “Hey this isn’t crab soccer, this is scoot soccer,” said Kimberly on my team. Jason was also scooting his fanny on the floor. I had no problem staying on all fours unless I rested. “Jason, Jared, Natalie, time for your group,” said Mrs. Jenkins. I got up and so did the other boys and we left the gym. I knew my way around the building already so I didn’t even need my map anymore. I had my coat with me and we went in the room. I sat down on the couch and took out my Game Boy. “You play video games too?” Jason asked me. “Yes,” I said. “Me too.” He took out his own Game Boy and it was green. Mine was transparent purple. He also had a Game Boy cord with him. “Do you have Super Mario bros Deluxe?” “No,” I said. “Too bad, then we would have played together.” He turned his on. “What are you playing?” I asked. “Super Mario Bros. Deluxe. “ I peeked over and saw him playing. I noticed the world map and how different it was from the old game. “Are the levels still the same like the old Super Mario Bros. game?” I asked. “Yes. But they took out all the glitches so you can’t do any more like you used to do on the original Nintendo.” “Can you still hump the turtle?” “You can’t hump them,” he said. “Yes you can, you jump on the shell when you are going to the stairs on these blocks and it gives you one ups. My brother and his friends used to do that and they called it humping the turtle.” “Yeah I have done it before. I would always run out of time for it.” “Can you do it on there?” “Yes.” I kept watching him play until Mrs. Grenzle arrived. Jason turned his game off and put it in his pocket. She put her stuff down and started group therapy. Today’s topic was self-esteem. We all had to talk about ourselves and how we feel and think. I noticed lot of kids in my group had negative thoughts. Mine were I feel retarded and can’t be normal because other kids won’t let me and school work is too hard for me so I think I must be stupid and retarded and I am always an easy target for getting picked on and treated different and people always side with the bad guys and no matter where I go, people will always go after me. “Now look around you,” Mrs. Grenzle told me. “Why?” “All these kids here who attend here need extra help or need a different learning environment, does that make them dumb or retarded?” I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say. “No it doesn’t Mrs. Grenzle answered for me. “They learn differently or have a disability that makes it harder for them to learn so they need a smaller classroom and different environment and be taught different.” Everyone in the room looked normal. I couldn’t see anything different about them. “How many of you get extra help with your assignments?” Mrs. Grenzle asked. Almost everyone raised their hands. Even Jason raised his. “See Natalie, you are not dumb or retarded,” said Mrs. Grenzle. After everyone had a turn, we all talked about the times we felt dumb and stupid and I wasn’t the only one who felt retarded and thought I must be if I struggle so much in school. I also learned I was not the only one who had ever been called the R word. Even Jason had been called one too when he was little from other kids. Then Kent Wood talked. “I have always gotten in trouble too instead of the bullies. I was not allowed to defend myself so teachers and kids always sided against me. I would be the one suspended or given in school suspension and finally they threw me out and not the other kids. Always blame the victim, sick world we live in.” “Thank you Kent,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Okay, I want everyone to get a piece of paper and write five positive things about yourself. Here are the pencils and paper,” she pointed to them on the table. “You may now get up and get a pencil and paper and in ten minutes we will all read what we wrote.” We all got up and we got a pencil and paper. I grabbed mine and I watched how everyone started to write. Some used the table, some used the wall or whiteboard, I saw Jason sitting down in his spot and writing on his lap. I tried to think of positive things about myself. I watched what others were writing down to figure out what was positive. “Is being good at video games a positive thing?” Jason asked. “Is being good at burping the ABCs positive?” Oden asked. “If it makes you feel good about yourself, sure,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Natalie, you are not writing,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “I don’t have anything positive,” I said. “Sure you do,” she said. “I am sure you have things you are proud of. Think of anything you have done like if you have ever won an award or helped anyone with something or made someone happy or ever helped people in need or maybe you got an A on your test one time or maybe there have been things you improved or got better at. Maybe there have been issues you have overcame” Then she went onto helping other kids. I thought about what to write down. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing everything about myself. I didn’t know what others would think. I saw Mrs. Grenzle helping Jason with his. “I am good with playing the drums,” said Jason. “Put that down,” said Mrs Grenzle. “I like how my memory is better than other peoples,” he said. “I like how long I can focus on something that interests me for a real long time.” “Good,” said Mrs. Grenzle. I decided to put down how good my memory is with Memory and remembered pictures that is in a picture when you have to look at it for sixty seconds and then try and remember what was on it. “I am good with snowboarding,” said Seth. “I’m a good swimmer,” said Kady. “My mom says I am good with being cheap,” said Corrine. I decided to put down I was good with playing GoldenEye. If other kids were putting down what hobby they are good at, I could put down GoldenEye. “After being on medicine for my ADHD, I can focus now and get good grades and be more organized. The pills saved my life,” said Seth again. If other kids could write down what pills do for them, I wrote down how my hormone medicine made me happier and make me get upset less and make my periods be pain free and lighter, and no more hot flashes. I also wrote down how I lost weight from dieting and playing softball and I went from 150 to 130 in five months and now I don’t get hot so easily. Now I needed one more. “Okay time is up,” said Mrs, Grenzle. “Everyone have a seat.” Mitchell grabbed a chair. “I got a seat,” he said. Mrs. Grenzle hit him over the head with her papers playfully. He put the chair down and sat on it. I was back in my own seat sitting next to Jason. Everyone was now seated and Mrs. Grenzle told us she was going to start with Jason reading his off. “My memory is better than other people, I can focus for a long time on my interests, I can play the drums very well, I can communicate my feelings better, I can fit in better at this school.” “Good,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Corey.” “I can order my own food,” she read. “I baby sit other peoples kids, I am a good singer, I learned to read when I was four, I started walking at ten months.” “Seth,” Mrs. Grenzle called. “I am a very good snowboarder, I once beat the GoldeEye level in less than a minute on the dam level.” No one reacted to the word. “The longest piss I have ever done was over two minutes from drinking all that Mountain Dew and holding it all day.” All the kids started laughing. “Too much information,” said kady. “Did we all need to hear that?” “Let him finish,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “My brother once accidentally started a fire in our tepee in Kah Nee Tah and I picked up our bucket of water we had for washing and poured it on the fire and it went out, I remember that great flood we had here, I went down to Portland and helped a friend of my parent’s friends sandbagging their neighborhood to keep the water back and I was the youngest kid there helping.” “Good,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “How did you beat the dam level in less than one minute?” I asked before she called on Oden. “I used fast mode and ignored all the enemies, beat the truck to the gate, and jumped off the dam,” said Seth. “Was that Agent mode?” Jason asked. “Yes,” said Seth. “That doesn’t count.” “Yes it does, I beat it less than a minute on that difficulty.” “Oden, you’re next,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “I can stand up to people and won’t let anyone make me be their slave.” I rolled my eyes. “I saw that,” said Oden. He continued reading. “I can see through the bullshit people do, I have never smoked a cigarette yet or even had sex, I can do flips on my bike, I have built the Eiffel Tower using Knex.” “Not bad,” said Mrs. Grenzle. She called on other kids and they read their papers and I was the last one to be called on. I had plenty of time to think of the last one but I didn’t think of one so I read four I had down. “I could only think of four,” I said. “That’s okay,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “Just read what you put down.” I started reading. “I am good with playing Memory and can remember everything in a picture in the Fun Pads when you have to look at it for sixty seconds and then try and remember what was on it. I am good at the game GoldenEye. My hormone medicine makes me not so sensitive and I don’t get pain anymore from my period and no more hot flashes and they are lighter now.” “Too much information,” said Kady. “We don’t need to know about your time of the month.” “Kady,” said Mrs. Grenzle. “People in this group have social skills of a five year old,” she said. “I thought this school was for kids who are too normal for special school and too different for mainstream.” I continued reading. “I dropped down to 130 from 150 in five months due to dieting and playing softball and I don’t get hot easily anymore.” “Good Natalie but we didn’t need to know about your period cycle but thanks for sharing.” Then Mrs. Grenzle started talking and the bell rang. Everyone got up. “I will see you on Tuesday,” said Mrs. Grenzle. I got up and grabbed my coat and headed to my locker. Jason was following after me. “Do you have any games I can borrow?” he asked. “No,” I said. “You can borrow my Super Mario Bros. Deluxe game if I borrow one of yours,” he said. “Why?” I asked. “Because you like video games. We can exchange a game every week, how about that? What game systems do you have?” “Sega, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64 and my Game Boy.” “Which Sega?” Jason asked. “Genesis.” “I have a Nintendo 64. I used to have the original Nintendo but I got rid of it.” “Why?” “I got a new Nintendo and I wanted to trade it in for money so I could buy more games. I also have a Super Nintendo. So tomorrow we can both come here and hand each other a video game and a week later, we have to hand it back and give each other a another new game to exchange. What do you say?” “How do I know you won’t steal it?” I said. “Because I am an honest person and you will give me back my game right?” “Yes,” I said. “Do you have a game right now you want to trade me and next week this same day, I hand it back to you and you hand me back mine.” I still didn’t trust him. I was too afraid of getting my game stolen and he never hands it back. “No,” I said and kept on walking. “Puh lease?” Jason begged. I started to feel pressured and stressed out. I ran to my locker fast and got my binder out. Jason was no longer with me. I wonder where he went. I headed to my next class and Jason arrived with his aid and he came over to me again. “If I wanted to steal your game, I wouldn’t be handing you one of mine,” he said. “Maybe it’s a game you don’t want,” I said. “I want my Super Mario Deluxe game,” he said. “If I give it to you until tomorrow, can you loan me one of yours for a week and I will give you one of my other games to have for a week too.” I decided I would just hand him a game I don’t want and see if he will bring it back. “Okay,” I said. He jumped up and down and clapped. “Yay.” He took his Game Boy out and pulled his game out and handed it to me. “Remember to hand it back tomorrow in Spanish,” he said. He left me alone finally. I wondered why he was doing this and why he handed me his game for a loan. Maybe I can play more video games this way. I wonder how many games he had at home? Then I could play different video games for fee and he will be like a free video store. “Don’t touch my file,” Jason told me “I won’t,” I said.
After school, Allie saw me again. “Hey Natalie,” she said. I noticed she didn’t have a band aid on her hand. “Where is your band aid?” I asked. “What bad aid?” she asked. “You were in the health room earlier looking for a band aid.” “Oh right, well they didn’t have any so I left and suffered a cut.” “Hey do you know anything about Mrs. Bitch getting a boy into trouble, his name was Jonathon,” I said. “I wasn’t here when it happened,” she said. “But do you know about it like did you hear about it?” I asked. “I was just told about it today.” “No,” said Allie. “I am new here too.” “When did you start going here?” I asked. “When school started.” We talked some more and then the bus driver yelled at her again to get a move on. “Hey do you have AOL?” Allie asked. “Yes,” I said. “Since we only get to see each other after school and chat for a few minutes, we can chat online so give me your screen name.” I took off my backpack and opened it and started to pull out my binder. “Alison, now,” the driver shouted. “Gotta go, give it to me tomorrow,” she said and raced to her van. I closed my backpack back up and went to mine and got in. I sat down and two hands went over my eyes. I grabbed them and pinched them as hard as I could. “Ow, jeez what was that for?” Brian asked. “For being mean to me,” I said. “What happened back there?” Sam asked “She pinched me,” said Brian. “He was picking on me,” I said. “No he wasn’t,” said Lonnie. “Natalie, you have been trouble since we got you,” said Sam. “What?” I said. “But-“ “No buts,” he said and started the van. I couldn’t even understand why he was siding with bad guys.
I arrived home with no problem. I put my shoes on the shelf in the closet and hung my coat up and took out my Game Boy and Super Mario bros Deluxe Jason loaned me. I went upstairs but Mom called me down again. “What?” I said. “Come in the family room,” she called. “Why?” “I need to talk to you.” I headed to the family room. “Sit down here,” she pointed on the couch she was sitting on. I sat down. “Your father and I were talking last night about your diaper issue. You keep leaking and I have tried giving you a watch to use but that hasn’t worked, we have tried the changing schedule and that hasn’t worked and you keep saying how hard this all is to do it so we both decided you’re not ready to handle it yet and it was my mistake making you do it yourself so I am going to take care of it again for you.” I felt better. I wouldn’t have to change myself anymore. “I will be checking your diaper to see when you need changed since you never tell us when you need it and do it when I think you need it and if you want to do it yourself and not get me, that is fine. I just don’t want any more leaking.” “What about getting better diapers?” I asked. “Natalie, your father said if we got you the other ones, you will just stay in it longer and smell and to you better diaper means staying in it longer and they are expensive. So stand up and let me check your diaper.” “Mom,” I said. “I need to make sure you don’t need to be changed,” said Mom. “But do we have to do it here?” I complained. “There is no one here and everyone in this house knows you wear them and you walked downstairs last week wearing only a bra and diaper so how is this any different.” I got up and Mom pulled my pants down and looked at my diaper and told me to turn around. She also felt the bottom and then told me I was a little wet and not bad. “When did you last change?” she asked me. “Before drama,” I said. “What time was that?” “Two fifty,” I said. “Okay so you only had it on for,” she looked at the clock on the wall. “For an hour and a half. I will check you soon again. You can pull your pants up now.” I pulled them up and went upstairs to Kelly’s room and she was in there doing her homework. “I hear Mom is going to be changing your diapers again,” she said. “About time. I was getting tired of your diapers leaking.” “I was tired of always changing them,” I said. “Well you’re going to start wanting to change your own diapers again soon and never be lazy about it again.” “Why?” I asked. “Just wait, you will see.” “Why can’t you tell me?” I said. “Because you might find it inconvenient when she changes you. You know Mom. She always makes it hard for us when we don’t do what she wants. Just trust me, you will be wanting to handle your own diapers again soon and not want her doing it.” I wondered how bad it could be. Mom used to change me all the time and I could still like it. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with my own diapers. I turned on the computer and got on AOL after Windows 98 started. I got on the Bravenet board and checked out the responses to my joke. I did not expect what I got. I got lot of angry responses. No one said Zebra. I got off the forum in anger and got on the new incontinent board and saw my joke wasn’t there. I didn’t know what happened to it. I thought I had posted it so I posted it again. I went back to the other board and I felt so angry how dumb those people were, I decided to just post posts on the board with random letters and numbers and words. I started making post after post and I just copied and pasted like I had seen on forums in the past. People call it spam. It got boring but I made myself do it until all the stories were bumped off the board and all left was my joke and the responses to it. I just replied back saying I was not making fun of anybody, it was a joke I learned in the van after school. I posted that before I started spamming. I felt better it was all over and I hate stupid people. I went back to finishing The Double Life of Ariel Crawford. At my old school, I had a girl in my English class whose name was also Ariel Crawford. What a coincidence the author came up with the same name for her story.
We had dinner again after Mom picked Dad up from town, none of us was allowed to eat until Mom and Dad came home. I sat down in my chair. I was about to eat when Mom told me she wanted to take me upstairs to take care of something. “Take care of what?” I asked. “I need to check you to make sure you won’t leak,” said Mom. “Can you do it after I am done eating, why didn’t you do it before?” I complained. “I forgot. I was so busy with cooking, I forgot about checking you and I just remembered.” “But the chair can be wiped off, there is no fabric,” I said. “Then no one eats until you let me check you,” said Mom. “You heard your mother,” said Dad. “Do as she says so I can eat.” “Me too,” said Kelly. “Me three,” said Matthew. I sighed and went upstairs. Mom followed after me and we went in my room. She told me to pull my pants down. I did and she saw my diaper and said I was soaked and it had been four hours since I last changed. Mom had me lie down on my bed. She went in my closet and took out a fresh diaper and she seemed to take longer changing me. “Why are you going so slow?” I asked. “I am in no rush,” she said. “I am just taking my time.” “But everyone is waiting,” I said. “So, they can wait.” “What if they get mad at you for taking too long?” “Then they do, it’s their fault for being impatient and it’s their problem, not mine.” Soon she was finally finished and I put my pants back on and went downstairs. Mom washed her hands and came in the kitchen and sat down. We all finally started eating. “Natalie, how has your new school been going?” Dad asked. “Same as my old one,” I said. “What do you mean?” “Mean kids,” I said. “There will be a mean kid in every school. There are mean people in the world,” said Dad. “You will always run into someone who isn’t nice. You can always tell a teacher you know if someone harasses you or is bothering you or try and ignore it.” “Kids are mean to me in the van too and even the driver takes their side. He said I have been trouble since I have started riding with them.” “He probably said troubled and you misunderstood,” said Dad. “What are they doing that is mean?” “One of them tried grabbing my backpack to see what was in it, one of them blocked my eye sight today, they didn’t like my joke, one of them doesn’t like what I talk about and he thinks I go on and on when I didn’t even do it.” “Natalie, they weren’t being mean, they were just being kids and you probably were going on and on and not everyone is going to like your jokes. It doesn’t mean they are being mean when they don’t like a joke you tell.” “No, everyone was telling jokes so I did too and they said they didn’t get mine and one of them said it was dumb but theirs were dumb too and no one nitpicked at their jokes or even said theirs were dumb except mine. Plus I had just started talking about James Bond and the game and I never even talked about it before and he asked me if I am not one of those people who goes on and on about stuff no one cares about and accused me of going on about blonde jokes when everyone else told them too.” “I don’t know,” said Dad. “I wasn’t there to see it so I can’t really tell you.” “I can start picking you up from school if you don’t like coming home on the van,” said Mom. “I can start taking you to school too and I can take Matthew too since it’s only a few minutes to get him there and he can just wait until school starts.” “No,” Matthew cried. “You can’t even get yourself ready for school without me nagging you and how can I trust you will make it on the bus on your own?” Mom asked. “I don’t want to ride to school, I want to take the bus,” Matthew complained. “Once you stop being a Pokey Little Puppy, I will let you get yourself ready for school and catch the bus while I take Natalie to school. “Great. More money on gas,” said Dad. “Kids also block my eye sight in school when I am going to class,” I said. “They probably do it to get you to notice them and they probably do it to each other,” said Dad. “If they do it, just say “children” and ignore it.” I wonder why Dad wasn’t believing me. He just didn’t understand. Then the phone rang and we just let it ring. No one got up and answered it because we were all eating and it was family time and if the call was important, that was what the answering machine was for. Then the machine picked up. “Hello, you have reached the Evans and sorry we missed your call, just leave us a message and we’ll get back to you, beep.” “Hey Mrs. and Mr. Evans, this is Janet Zeller calling, Natalie’s math teacher, and I want to talk about something important so if you can call me back at 360-555-2296, thank you.” “What did you do?” Kelly asked me. “I didn’t do anything,” I shouted. “Jee I was just asking, no need to get defensive,” said Kelly. “Have a rough day in school?” Dad asked me. “Maybe,” I said. “Anything happened in school?” I remembered Mrs. Bitch telling me she would tell everyone about me wearing diapers if I tell anyone about her. I couldn’t tell him. I also couldn’t tell him about her either and how hard it is to be in her class and I wanted a new English teacher. “I already told you,” I said. “You don’t believe me.” “What do I not believe you about?” “Kids being mean to me,” I said. “Oh I believe you. I think that is just your perception and you are not understanding. You think they’re being mean and they’re not. It’s all in your head. Just give them a chance. They are not the kids in your old school. These are kids who want to fit in too and have friends and they may not know how to do it right so they are doing things that are not appropriate so just tell them to quit it and you don’t like it. Show them an appropriate way, try being their friend, try talking to them, be friendly.” “Okay I’ll try that and see if it works,” I said. “Good,” said Dad. Then Mom said. “Kids, do you remember we are going out to Montana for Thanksgiving? Depending on what your Dad’s charges are or if they decide to move his court date again, we are going out to Montana for Thanksgiving. Last year we had it here, the year before it was at Aunt Elizabeth’s and now they are going out to Montana.” Kelly sighed. “Great, a long drive to get there.” “I will be so bored in the car,” said Matthew. “I won’t be in my own bed or have all my stuff with me or be able to watch all my TV shows.” “I better not be bored over there,” I said. “Why do we always need to have Thanksgiving in different places,” said Kelly. “One time it was at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, one time it was at Aunt Elizabeth’s, one time it was here, but luckily we never had it at Aunt Bridget’s because her home is gross and too small.” “If they revoke my license and let me leave the state, you have all that driving you have to do,” Dad told Mom. “If Brian can come, that would be great, then we would have two drivers,” said Mom. “We aren’t going to Aunt Bridgett’s again are we?” Kelly asked. “Last time we were there just to stay the night, I had a hard time sleeping there because it was so disgusting.” Aunt Bridgett never cleans her home much. She had dirty floors and lot of dirty dishes in the sink and all over the place, toilet needed to be clean and tub and sink, and they live right next to the freeway, Jaymee’s room shakes whenever a commercial truck drives by when we were there. Last time we were there, I said the home was messy and dirty and Bridgett told me she has a broom and vacuum if I want to clean and Mom told me I can start cleaning if the whole house bothers me. They told Kelly the same thing too. I don’t know why poor people are so dirty and lazy. Bridgett is poor because she doesn’t have much money so they live in a small house and the kids don’t have much stuff. “If we need to stay the night,” said Mom. “Can we not be so cheap and just get a hotel room instead of having to sleep out in the living room and bedroom?” Kelly asked. “Hey,” said Mom. “When are we leaving?” I asked. “If we’re going, it will be the twenty first after school.” “And when are we coming back?” “The next day after Thanksgiving.” “That is going to be a long drive,” said Dad. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer, we will just be there for one full day if we say at Bridgett’s and then pack up the next day and leave.” “That depends on how your court goes,” said Mom. “If Brian comes, he can help drive if I can’t,” said Dad. “Why wouldn’t he come?” I asked. “He has a girlfriend so he could decide to stay here and have it at Denise’s house. You know what, if we don’t go, we can always go over there too. I will talk to Brian tomorrow and see what his plans are for the holiday. I am not having it alone here.” “You have us,” said Mom. “No, I meant us alone, no other family, and no friends.” Matthew complained about not knowing if we are going or not and he complained about not being able to have all his toys with him and not sleep in his own bed and what if he can’t watch all his shows. “Matthew, it will only be for a couple days,” said Dad. “It won’t kill you to sleep in a different room or miss your shows and your other toys can wait when you get home.” “I hope we don’t go,” said Matthew. “Learn to be flexible,” said Dad. “I am surprised Mom is,” said Kelly. “Wait, it’s her idea, something she likes, never mind.” “Kelly, that is enough,” Dad scolded. “You always have her take control over everything,” said Kelly. “No he doesn’t,” I corrected. “He takes control too.” “I make all the money and pay the bills, she does all the planning and control, it works both ways,” said Dad. “You control family day,” said Kelly. “He lets us pick what we wanna do that day,” I said. “Oh, I forgot to ask you, how was your first visit to Dr. Smith?” said Dad. “Fine,” said Kelly. “Did you like her, did she help you feel better?” “I only had one visit.” Dad didn’t ask anymore. Soon dinner ended and we all cleared the table and helped clean up the kitchen and Mom called Mrs. Zeller back.
After my shower, I was in bed playing Super Mario Bros. Deluxe. It was the same as the original because it was the original. I also had it on Super Nintendo with updated graphics. In this game I could save anytime and not have to beat a world to save and on the old Nintendo, you couldn’t save at all. I just knew the trick to hold down the A button and press start after getting a game over to continue the world I left off. Then Dad came in my room. “Your math teacher called. She said you looked troubled in class.” “What?” I said. “Troubled,” said Dad. “Not trouble. She said it looked like something was bothering you and you kept zoning out in class. Has anything been going on in school we don’t know about?” “No,” I lied. “Is it about afraid of kids finding out you wear diapers? Is it about my drinking and crashing my car? Is it that little boy Matthew brought here you’re still upset about? Is it that one teacher you’re having trouble with? Mum says you like calling her Mrs. Bitch instead of by her real name.” “All the kids do there,” I said. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us,” said Dad. “Can I get a new English teacher?” I asked. “Why” Dad asked. “What problems are you having with this teacher? “I can’t tell you,” I said. “Why not?” “I just can’t.” “We need to know the reason or we can’t grant you your request. If it’s over the coat incident and her thinking you were copying off your neighbor’s paper, well if there is any more troubles with her, we’ll see if we can get you in a different class.” I liked that idea but the only problem was I couldn’t tell him more. “I don’t know why you’re being so secretive,” Dad told me. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us.” “I told you one of them and you think it’s all in my head,” I said. Dad sighed. “Okay Natalie, good night.” He got up and left my room and closed the door. I thought about Mrs. Bitch and what would happen if I told Mom and Dad. They would go to the principal and complain or Mom goes to Mrs. Bitch and complains and she tells everyone about me wearing diapers. Also she provoked a boy there just so he would hit her so she could call the police on him and get him arrested and locked up. I didn’t want to get locked up or have the police called on me. I wouldn’t throw anything at her anyway or hit her. But he sounded like a dangerous kid anyway so I guess she did a good thing getting rid of him. What could she do to me that is worse than spilling my secret? I decided I would start ditching English. I didn’t want to be near her or around her so I would hide in the basement once I get to school.
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