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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 16:19:14 GMT
Chapter 6
Mom came upstairs asking in the hallway, “Do you kids know where Kelly went?” I heard her coming towards my door. “Don’t come in here,” I shouted. I paused the game and went rushing to the door and peeked out through the crack between the door and door frame. “Kelly did not say anything to you about where she was going after school?” Mom asked me. “Nope,” I said. “Matthew, did Kelly ever tell you where she was going after school?” Mom called. “No,” he shouted from his room. Mom sighed. “Shit,” she said. “But she did say last night you didn’t love her and don’t care so it wouldn’t matter where she goes and she doubted you wouldn’t even care she is gone and where she goes,” I said. “She said that?” Mom asked. “Yes,” I said. “Matthew, did Kelly say I didn’t love her and don’t care about her and I wouldn’t care where she goes?” “Yep,” Matthew called from his room. “Oh no,” Mom cried. I saw she was starting to panic just by what she was doing with her body and it looked like she was going to have a major breakdown. “Try calling her friends,” I suggested. “Maybe they have seen her and know where she is.” Mom seemed to have calmed down and went downstairs. I left my bedroom but I stood away from the door and opened it so books wouldn’t fall on me. I closed the door to a crack and went in Matthew’s bedroom. “Looks like she ran away,” I said. “I know,” he said. “Since Mom was ignoring her, Kelly gathered she didn’t care about her so she thought she could do whatever she wanted.” “But if she ran away, I am sure she would have packed a suitcase,” I said. “I guess Mom would still care where we go if she was giving us the silent treatment.” “Well at least she got her attention, she is no longer ignoring her,” said Matthew. “Maybe it was her plan,” I said. “I bet she went to a friend’s house and she will be back.” I could hear Mom talking on the phone downstairs. “Mom didn’t care she left last night but this time she does care,” I said. “I don’t get it.” “She told her where she was going, this time she didn’t,” said Matthew. “Maybe Mom shouldn’t worry, she came back last time, maybe she will this time. Besides how is she going to run away without her stuff?” “She will need money and clothes and food,” said Matthew. “I wonder how much longer she will keep this up,” I said. “I don’t know. I can’t read her mind.” We didn’t say anything else. Mom was still making phone calls. Thoughts were going through my head like what if she never came back. What if she decided to not want to live with us anymore so she is living with her friend now. If she never comes home, Mom and Dad would call the cops and report her missing and everyone would be on the lookout and I am sure she would be found easily because she wouldn’t be far and she would get spotted and someone would report seeing her. What if she did something stupid like getting in a car with a stranger and he took her. For some reason I was starting to feel worried about her even though I hated her. Our feelings can be so strange because they don’t always make sense.
Mom had made phones calls for the next half hour or so and then she was having her breakdown because she didn’t know where Kelly was. Matthew and I ignored it. We didn’t know what to do about it. We just stayed hidden upstairs in our rooms. Dad will be so mad at Kelly for causing this. Then the doorbell rang. I rushed out of my room and I was surprised to see Mom heading for the door too. “Oh you got it?” I rushed to the door and opened it and there stood one of Kelly’s friends Karla Kirkland. “I just wanted to let your mother know she is over at Mackenzie’s house helping her baby sit.” “Mom, Kelly is over at her friend’s house babysitting,” I shouted. “Which house?” Mom asked when she came in the hallway. “Mackenzie’s,” I said. “She went straight over there when she got off the bus,” said Karla. “How did you know my mom was looking for her?” I asked. “Your sister said she wouldn’t care where she goes and she started saying mean things about her.” “Well thanks for telling us, now I know where she is and I don’t have to worry anymore. But I am still mad at her for not telling me she is going over there after school.” “Actually she said she was going over there to ditch this family,” said Karla. “Okay, thanks,” said Mom. “Now she is probably going to kill me for telling.” “How is she going to know you told if you don’t tell her you did?” said Mom. Karla shrugged. “Someone else could tell her,” said Matthew who came to the staircase. “Like my sister.” “Your mom called my mom and then she asked me about her whereabouts and I lied saying I didn’t know because I didn’t want Kelly to get mad at me so I came here to tell her.” Then Karla left and Mom thanked her again for stopping by. I closed the door and Mom sighed with relief. “I can’t believe she did this,” she said angrily. “Well the silent treatment told her you didn’t care about her anymore,” I said. “God, she never learns right,” said Mom. “She is a dumb blonde,” I said. Mom sighed. “Maybe she is doing this to teach you a lesson,” said Matthew. “Maybe she is trying to get you to talk to her so she is doing all these things. She did say she was going to do anything to get you to talk to her and she will play your game.” “Oh god,” Mom said again. “No wonder she is getting out of control and acting like a dumb blonde.” “Dad did say you should try speaking to her again and this isn’t even working,” I said. “But I don’t know what to do about her.” “That is what therapies are for,” I said. Mom sighed again. “I guess I should go back and have her help me figure out what to do about it. I think Kelly may have to see a real therapist too to for all this.” “And get her fixed,” I said. “I hope,” said Mom. “You can’t really fix someone if they don’t want to be fixed.” “But doctor’s do it,” said Matthew. “No, they don’t fix their patients; they help them because the patient wants to be fixed. They don’t know how to fix whatever they have going on with them so they go to a professional to help them with it,” Mom explained. “It’s called learning attitude.” Then the timer went off on Mom’s watch. “Time to change,” said Mom. I went back upstairs to my room. I changed out of my wet diaper again. It could hold more and I felt I was wasting a diaper but it was soaked in the middle with skid marks. I put a clean one on and threw the wet one away. I noticed Mom was calmer now because she knew where Kelly was. When she made dinner for us, she did five plates this time but Kelly barely had any on her plate. “Mom, that is less food than the rest of us,” I said. “If she is still hungry, she can help herself to other food,” said Mom. “That might still make her think you don’t care,” I said. Matthew was sitting at the kitchen table doing his favorite subject for homework. Mom angrily took some food from another plate and put it on Kelly’s. “Is this enough?” she said angrily. “A little more,” I said. Mom took some food from another plate and put it on Kelly’s and then it was enough. “There,” I said. Then Mom had to even out the rest of the food on two other plates. “Let’s hock on her food,” said Matthew. “No,” I shouted. “She won’t know,” said Mom. “But that is disgusting.” She set the food on the table. “She is sure gone this long,” said Mom. “I wonder if it’s another test she is doing,” I said. “I bet she is seeing if you will look for her and make her come home.” “I already called around, that should be enough to show I do care,” said Mom. “But nothing is good enough for Kelly,” said Matthew. “So why even bother trying?” “Yes, when I had rules for her, she hated them but when she doesn’t have many rules anymore, she still hates it. That girl cannot make up her mind.” “Blondes are so confusing,” I said. “Hey I have a blonde joke I heard in school,” said Matthew. “How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.” He told another blonde joke. “One day, a blonde finds out her husband has been cheating on her so she goes to her boss’s house and catches him in bed with her. She holds a gun up to her face and her husband pleads her to not do it. “Shut up, you’re next.”” “I don’t get it,” I said. “The blonde had the gun up to her own face and was going to kill herself and she told her husband he was next. You can’t kill him if you’re already dead.” “Oh I get it. I thought you meant she had the gun up to her boss’s face. I have one of my own,” I said. “One time a blonde has to go to the bathroom very bad so she goes, then she leaves and the next person goes in and yells “Hey, why is my tuba all wet.”” Matthew laughed. “She went in the band room.” “When Hitler’s girlfriend tried shooting herself in the head, she missed, she was blonde,” I said. “True story.” I heard that in class last year in History. “I don’t know if that is true,” said Mom. “They were probably just messing with you if they told you that.” “The teacher said it too,” I pointed out. “Which teacher?” “The teacher I had last year for History,” I said. “I’ll look it up online later,” said Mom. “I remember other blonde kids saying “hey” whenever someone would mention his girlfriend being a blonde so she missed,” I said. “I have a study joke about a blonde,” said Matthew. “One time the blonde was getting so sick of all the blonde jokes and being told how dumb they are so she tells everyone she is going to study all the state capitals. She spends a whole week studying and then she goes back and says she knows all the state capitals and the brunette says “What is the capital of New Mexico?” and the blonde says “Oh that is easy, it has two, N and M.”” It sounded like he said M&M but I knew it was N and M. Then the phone rang. Mom picked it up. Then she said “Okay I am on my way, I just put food on the table and the kids were telling blonde jokes….No I’m fine….I’ll talk about it later.” Then she hung up and told us Dad is back so she is picking him up and to not eat anything until they get back. She grabbed her purse and got her shoes on and grabbed her coat and left. Matthew and I were home alone with our pets. “I wonder if Natalya’s natural hair color is blonde,” I said. “I think the actress has blonde hair because I have seen it on the internet. I think it’s her real hair color.” “Why did the blonde leave her camping chair behind?” said Matthew. “Because Boris told her the riddle ‘you sit on it but you can’t take it with you.’” I wished I could tell a joke using Matthew’s interests. I couldn’t think of any. Then I had one. “Why did the blonde go after the t-rex and try and pet him and talk to him and hug him?” I said. “She thought it was Barney.” “The blonde is with James Bond and they are trapped on the train, the blonde tries to get on the computer to crack Boris’s code and get it to work and she starts to scream and yell and hits the monitor and James tells her to calm down and asks her why is she hitting the TV.” “And?” I said. “That’s it,” said Matthew. “I don’t get it.” “She thought the TV was the computer and she was getting mad she couldn’t get it to work.” “Oh,” I said. I got the joke now. I was stumped trying to think of another joke for his interests. “You know The man With the Golden Gun, they had a dumb blonde,” said Matthew. “Oh yeah Mary Goodnight played by Britt Eckand,” I said. “She wasn’t very bright. I wonder if they meant to have a dumb blonde or was it a coincidence?” “Both?” said Matthew. “Why both?” “They meant to make her a blonde but they also wanted her not be so bright.” It was taking a long time for Mom and Dad to get home. It had been twenty minutes and it’s only a mile to get to town. They should have been home by now. I was starving. Matthew was starting to take a few bites of his food. “You’re not supposed to eat yet,” I said. “I’m starving,” he said. “What’s holding them?” “I don’t know.” “Maybe they are getting Kelly.” He took another bite of his food. “Don’t,” I shouted. “I’m starving and they are taking too long,” he yelled. He put another food on his fork and I pulled his plate away. “Hey,” he yelled. “Mom said to not eat until they get back.” Matthew took another food off Dad’s plate. I pulled that plate away too after putting his plate down. Then I grabbed him and he started to pinch me but I grabbed his hands. Then he bit my arm and I slapped him, automatic reaction. We both fell to the floor and I continued holding him. I was bigger than him so I was stronger but I could tell he was getting stronger himself because it was harder holding him down. He even spat at me so I spat back. I felt dirty but I was going to shower anyway. I held his arms down as I sat on his belly and he kept trying to kick me so I sat down further on his legs. “You can’t get up, I’m bigger than you,” I said. “Someday I will be bigger than you and you won’t be able to hold me down,” he said.
I am not sure how long I was holding him down for when the laundry room door opened. I got up and Matthew got up too. Mom and Dad walked in the kitchen with Kelly. It looked like Mom has had a breakdown just by how her face looked. “Mom and her damn tantrums,” said Kelly. “Hey,” Dad yelled. “You know you are not supposed to go anywhere without telling us.” Kelly came to the table and said. “Hey I got my food finally. It worked.” “What worked?” I asked, it slipped out of my mouth. “Getting her to pay attention to me and I showed her. I won and she was so upset she lost and Dad had to keep reassuring her there was no winning and losing but she thinks everything is a competition and she has to be right in everything.” “Everyone, at the table and I will be right back,” said Dad. “No eating without me.” He headed upstairs and Mom just walked out of the room. “What happened?” I asked. “Hey you’re speaking to me too,” said Kelly. “Mom was so upset because she felt she lost and feels like she is weak because Dad made her give in and made her come and get me from my friend’s and she was so upset on the way back, she pulled the car over and had her tantrum and Dad had to try and calm her down and she wouldn’t let him drive and when she was calmed down enough, she came and got me. By the time I got in the car, it was obvious she had her episode and Dad told her she didn’t lose and there was no winning and losing.” “How do you know what happened before she got you? How do you know why she was having her episode?” “Duh, I was in the car with them when Dad was talking and Mom kept saying how she will not let me win and Dad told her there is no winning or losing and she doesn’t get it. She thinks if you give in, you lost. If you give up, you lost.” “Do you want to know why you got your food?” I asked. “Because your selfish sister had to tell their mother the silent treatment wasn’t working and she was a dumb blonde to even learn and it’s her job to teach you to not be so intolerant and a bigot to people who are different and to get you help instead.” “What are you saying I need help?” Kelly shouted. I kept on going on what I was saying ignoring her. “I also had to make her put enough food on your plate to show you she does care and she was so worried when you never came home from school. She called all your friends parents and none of them knew where you were.” “How did she know I was at Mackenzie’s?” I realized I had let it out. Now Kelly was going to know Karla told on her. But this was perfect. “Karla came over and told us,” I said. “She said you were a mean friend and didn’t like what you were saying on the bus so for revenge, she told on you.” “You’re lying,” Kelly shouted. “Call her and find out,” I said. “You mean….” She cut herself off. I nodded. Then something happened I wasn’t expecting. Her face got red and she ran out of the room and I heard her go upstairs. I didn’t care. She would find out tomorrow I lied to her and then she would be happy again. But she would still be mad at her friend for telling. “You can’t even keep a secret,” said Matthew. “I was waiting for it to slip out and it only took you less than a day.” “I’m just a mean selfish sister,” I said. “And I’m a mean brother.” “She never called you mean,” I said. “She did in her paper.” “No she didn’t.” “Then what did she call me in it?” Then we heard a loud thump upstairs. “Nothing, she just-“ I caught myself. “I’m not allowed to tell you.” Dad had made me not tell Matthew what was written in the paper. “You said she called me all those things,” he said. “No I didn’t,” I argued. “Yes you did when I was asking you what she wrote.” “No I didn’t.” “Then I had to ask you if she wrote anything good about me and you said no.” Then I knew what he was talking about. “I didn’t tell you she said those things, you did and you just assumed she said it just because I refused to answer you until the last question.” “What was that loud banging noise?” Mom asked when she came back in the kitchen. Matthew shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said. “Huh,” said Mom.
Then Dad came back down in his sweats again and long t shirt. Mom was already sitting at the table. “Natalia, your practical jokes with your sister has gone too far. You’re very lucky she didn’t get hurt when she tripped in her bedroom,” Dad said firmly. I laughed. It worked. “It’s not even funny, you could have hurt her and she nearly knocked over the TV set. If she had wrecked it, you would not have been able to play Nintendo anymore in your room. After dinner, we are having a family meeting in the living room.” “What did she do?” Mom asked. “She nailed a piece of rope in her doorway and Kelly tripped over it and fell down against the TV set and she caught herself. She was very lucky she didn’t break her arm. That would be more money for us to pay.” I laughed again. “No wonder you didn’t want me to come in your room,” said Mom. Dad sat down. Then Kelly came in the room too and it looked like she had been crying. “I can’t take this anymore, I want a new family,” she yelled. “We’re going to have a meeting after this,” Dad told her. “Sit down.” Kelly sat down next to me in her seat. Finally we were going to eat after all this madness. But when we started to eat, Dad complained about the food being too cold. Kelly wanted to heat her food up. I didn’t care if my food was cold. Matthew didn’t seem to care either so he just scarfed it down. I ate mine fast too. Dad asked how long had the food been sitting out and I said “Since you have called to come get you.” “This long,” said Dad. “God.” He heated his food up too in the microwave. Matthew told more blonde jokes at the table. “Why can’t the blonde dial 9-1-1? She can’t find the eleven. “What do you do when the blonde throws the grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. “How did she try to kill the fish? She tried drowning it. “How did the blonde try to kill a bird?” “She threw it off the cliff,” I said. “Why did the blonde think her mom didn’t love her anymore? Her mommy was ignoring her,” said Matthew. “Enough,” Dad shouted. “Aw I love blondie jokes,” I cried. “No, I will not have you two pick on your sister.” We ate in silence again but Matthew told another blonde joke and Dad yelled his name again. “It’s not about Kelly,” he said. “I said enough!” “That was about picking on our sister, not telling blonde jokes,” Matthew pointed out. Dad sighed. “No more blonde jokes, is that clear now?” I wish people would be more specific. At least I’m not the only one who misunderstands because they were not clear enough.
By the time dinner got over, it was past eight. That is how long it took Mom to get Dad. It was nearly seven when Dad called so Mom left and they were gone for about forty minutes and then it took us longer to start dinner and now it was past eight. Way past my shower time and I was anxious to get it done.
Dad ordered us all to the living room. “But I have to shower,” I protested. “You can do it after the meeting,” said Dad. “You don’t have to get up tomorrow.” But I was still anxious to get it done. “I have school tomorrow,” said Kelly. “You stay up late anyway till ten,” said Dad. I was still upset about not getting my shower and did heavy breathing. “Natalie, don’t be your mother,” Dad ordered. I started to cry. We all sat down in the living room on the couch. Dad said he would be right back. He went upstairs and came back down with Kelly’s paper. I still sniffled. Dad held the paper up. “I have been doing some thinking and have thought about what Brian told me. Now we can all agree there is some truth to this right?” “No,” I barked. “What?” said Mom. “If you remove all the insults, the truth is there,” said Dad. “I think the real reason why we all got upset is because of what she wrote in it and it wasn’t because of the truth, it was how she wrote it and what she put in it. If she would have stuck with the truth than putting in insults and wishing something horrible on Natalie, this would have turned out better. Our emotion just got in the way so we were unable to listen to what she really wrote.” “I was so mad when I wrote it,” said Kelly. He started to read the paper. "I wish I had a normal family, I am too embarrassed to bring any friends over because my sister is like a child. She is like my little sister instead of my big sister. She rambles on about her interests, she doesn't let you get a word in edgewise, her diapers smell up our bedroom and she lets them leak because she doesn't change them and it gets on the furniture, she says inappropriate things, she gets upset when things don't go her way, I have to live around her life so she won't flip out on me if I am in her way of her routine. She usually does the same thing every day and I always have to hear James Bond. She only cares about herself. Doesn't she ever think about anyone? And she leaves in the middle of conversations. She also asks too many questions about social stuff everyone already know about and she asks too many questions. She will pace around and flap her arms when she is excited and she hops and skips and she won't keep things out of her mouth and she keeps sniffing things and she is like Tigger, always bouncing. Also I can't even ask her boy advice or about make up or fashion because she knows nothing about that stuff. I can't even ask her typical teen stuff because she is like a child and doesn't know social things.” Dad stopped reading. “Now how does that make you feel Natalie?” “They’re lies,” I said. “I don’t talk about James Bond all the time or my interests only and I listen to other people and I do care about them.” “Actually, Natalie, you do leave conversations when the topic changes and you have left in the middle of them too. You do talk about your interests often and you do go on and on and not give anyone a chance to speak. It is your sister’s perception you only care about yourself and it may not be your intent but that is how it shows to her. And remember what I told you? You tend to say inappropriate things like what happened at the store.” I didn’t like hearing any of this. “What did she say at the store?” Mom asked. “There was just a man there who smelled and she blurted it out and he heard her,” said Dad. “Well people need to have good hygiene,” said Mom. “And I am not surprised you would justify her comment and see nothing wrong with it,” said Dad. “Also Natalie you do have your routines and like things organized and you get upset if something gets in your way of doing it. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s how you are and you can improve it if you wanted to. I remember getting a phone call from your old principal about you flipping out in class because the teacher changed the plan in class and you were expecting something else he had planned and then he changed it and it upset you so you had to be asked to leave class so you weren’t disturbing the other students. You like to know what to expect and expect it to happen. But change is part of life and it’s something to get used to. Things always come up and it causes plans to change. People don’t make plans just to change them at the last minute. “Also we need to do something about your diapers. They do stink up the room and Kelly is tired of it. You do let them leak and you can agree this part is true right?” I just sat here. “Natalie?” said Dad. “I guess,” I said. “It is true,” said Dad. “I have been doing some thinking and I talked to Brian and since he has no intention of moving back, I’ve decided Kelly can get her own room again.” “Really,” said Kelly. “Yes, Kelly. This weekend we will work on getting you two your own bedroom. Guests can always sleep in the den and we have air mattresses. We have the hideabed. It will be like before he moved out. Plus if Brian moves back, he can move into the den.” “But then where will we put our stuff?” I asked. “Pack it, move it,” said Dad. “Besides you don’t play with your old toys anymore. They’re just sitting there. “Kelly, it must be frustrating for you to see other kids in your school having an older sister they can talk to and get advice about friends and guys and fashion and do make up with and Natalie doesn’t have any of those things. But you have your friends you can go to, it’s not her fault she doesn’t have those things. I know she asks tons of questions but that is how she understands and they are not stupid questions, not from her.” “I won’t ask her anymore,” I said. “I will just stay confused and clueless.” “I feel so left out,” said Kelly. “Do you know how hard it is when kids expect me to get sister advice, how do I explain to them about her? How do I explain my mother to them?” “Be honest,” said Dad. “I get teased for them,” said Kelly. “What am I supposed to tell them? That I have a handicapped mother and sister?” “Hey,” I said. “Kelly,” said Dad. “What other word am I supposed to use to describe them? I can’t say retarded.” “Because it’s hurtful is why.” “It’s a word for a disability,” said Kelly. “No, you said it was a figure of speech.” “Figure of speech and it’s also a name for a problem.” “But none of them are retarded.” “Kids in my school say they are.” “They’re ignorant. If they are teasing you about it, they’re mean and nasty kids and don’t be them. Don’t fall into peer pressure. Did anyone egg you to write that stuff about this whole family?” “I did it to show everyone I don’t like this family either so I figure if they see the paper I wrote, they will feel sorry for me and quit teasing me about it.” “So you didn’t mean what you wrote?” “I don’t know. I did when I wrote it because that is how mad I was when I wrote it. I don’t wish Natalie dead in the car accident. I feel that way sometimes because then she wouldn’t have to be suffering and dealing with no control over her bladder and bowels and having to smell.” “So you think she would have been better off dead than wearing diapers for the rest of her life?” Mom asked. “If I had to wear diapers, I would be dead,” said Kelly. “I can’t imagine walking around smelling like poop and pee and having wet clothes and having people knowing I wear them and having to sit in my own mess.” “You get used to it,” I said. “I hated it too for a while. Pretty soon it won’t bother you anymore and you start to ignore it and it feels less disgusting and then not anymore, does sitting in your own blood bother you?” “I hate getting my period so yes I hate it and they won’t let me get tampons.” “Because of infections Kelly,” said Dad. “My friends wear them and so do other girls in my school,” said Kelly. “If they jumped off a bridge, would you?” “It depends how safe it is and what the situation is.” “Now see Kelly, if you would have written it that way, it would have sounded more empathetic than heartless because you did make it sound like you hated her and wished her dead for your own satisfaction.” “I was mad,” said Kelly. “I keep telling you that.” “Yes, I know,” said Dad. “And I was very upset you guys didn’t care how I felt and didn’t care I was upset when I wrote it and everyone has been treating me like a monster ever sense.” “Who?” Dad asked. “Everyone in this family, Mom ignoring me, Matthew and Natalie ignoring me too and playing tricks on me and you took their side.” “And if it weren’t for your brother and sister, we wouldn’t be having this meeting,” said Dad. “What do you mean?” said Kelly, “Brian told me there may be truth to what you wrote, he also told me we all tend to get very upset when people say things about us, our emotions get in the way and we get defensive about it and very upset, the issue never gets resolved. We just move on and it never gets worked out because the feelings were too powerful. Natalie told Mum ignoring you wasn’t solving anything and you were not going to apologize and admit you were wrong and she should be teaching you to be more tolerant and accepting of differences and ignoring you wasn’t going to teach you that.” “But I do not hate people who are different,” Kelly protested. “It was what you wrote Kelly,” said Dad holding up the paper. “I told you I was mad.” “And I guess it was a good thing you did write it because it means you have a problem that needs to be worked out,” said Dad. “Even your teacher was very concerned when she read it and called us and set up a meeting and suggested school counseling, how has that been working?” Kelly shrugged, “I don’t know, fine I guess. At least she understands and actually listens.” “That’s good,” said Dad. “See, seeing a counselor isn’t so bad is it?” “I still feel normal when I go see her.” “She isn’t there to make you feel bad,” said Dad. “It feels like I am going to another person and just talking,” said Kelly. He looked at the paper again. “So who is moving into Brian’s bedroom?” Kelly asked. “Well who wants to move out of their room?” Dad asked. “I can stay,” said Kelly. “Then I will have an extra bed for when a friend comes over.” “You’re too embarrassed to have anyone come over,” I said. “She’s right,” said Dad. “Matthew has moved, so has Natalie, now it’s your turn to move.” “But I was in there first,” said Kelly. “Natalie and Matthew have already moved rooms so it’s your turn don’t you think? You will get the view of the yard instead of the street. I think the scenic view is prettier than the street view.” “But it has sports,” Kelly complained. “We’ll take it down,” said Dad. “If Natalie wants to move in there, then she can.” Then he said, “I don’t know about the rest here,” pointing at the paper, “because I am not sure how to make it sound nice without it sounding mean but I will say what she wrote about you Anita is her feelings and perspective. That is how you come off to her. I know you care about all our kids and you take care of them. I would say we should all go into family counseling and help us figure it all out.” “How could you think I’m abusive?” Mom cried to Kelly. “Because of all the fights you used to get in with Brian, the silent treatments, no empathy, no love, you don’t seem to care about anything unless it’s something you care about, you’re always cold hearted.” “What?” said Mom. “I read to you, I help you with homework, I always gave you food and clothes, you think I’m abusive, why don’t you read this?” Mom got off the couch and went to the bookcase and took a book off and tossed it at her. “That is child abuse in that story. Read it and you will see I am not abusive.” “You’re doing it again, you are shooting down what I say and trying to convince me and make me feel wronged by telling me you gave me a roof over my head and food and water and clothes and then compare it to other abuse to convince me why you weren’t abusive,” said Kelly. I looked at the book and it said Stolen Childhood by Delores Townsend and there was a black and white picture of a blonde haired little girl who looked to be about three. “You don’t even know what abuse is, I do because my mother was abused and she wrote that book, go read it. Then you will realize how lucky you are and how much we care about you,” said Mom. “Natalie, Matthew, do you feel abused by your mother?” Dad asked. “No,” I said. Matthew shook his head. “Okay, so your mother isn’t doing anything wrong and Kelly just has issues she needs to work out.” “I don’t believe this,” said Kelly. “Of course they wouldn’t feel that way, they’re all alike. Do you feel abused by her?” “Well…” Dad began pausing. “Do you?” Kelly said again. “It’s not done intentionally. But she has never hit any of you or tossed anything at you.” “She threw something at me once and it went above the bed,” I said. “Really?” Dad asked Anita. “I didn’t hit her with it. I only threw it,” said Mom. “But you still threw it at her?” “I missed her intentionally,” said Mom. “Okay,” said Dad moving on. “Anita, you do have a bad habit of thinking you’re always right and you do take things as criticism and get all upset. You do think someone is mad at you or don’t like you when they tell you something about you is bothering them and you do tend to think someone is against you if they have a different opinion than you.” Mom didn’t say anything to that. “Natalie you also have that bad habit of thinking you’re right so you argue until we have to keep telling you it’s an opinion and usually you will shut up and drop it. You also take things as criticism when it’s not meant to be and you tend to think people are mad at you when they’re not.” The meeting went on and it was about what issues we all had that were bothering Kelly and things we do that bother her. Basically that meant we all had to change ourselves just to satisfy her and I hated hearing bad stuff about me. There was no way I do all these things so Dad told me would point them out to me when he sees me doing them and it will help with my self-awareness. Kelly still wished for a new family and asked if she can live somewhere else. “Well Kelly is that is what you really want, we may do it,” said Dad. Kelly was shocked. Her eyes widened. “What?” “Yeah, if you’re unhappy, you can live somewhere else, it will be your choice. You can live with one of your relatives and see if they want to take you or you can go live in a group home that is for teens that can’t be with their families for some reason.” “I don’t believe this, so instead of changing, you are going to throw me out,” said Kelly. “No we’re not throwing you out, it will be your choice. You are choosing to throw yourself out. You even said earlier you couldn’t take it and you wanted a new family.” “But,” said Kelly. “But make up your mind Kelly,” said Dad. “Were you actually threatening us and are now surprised I am agreeing you can get a new family? I do want to actually help you and you are getting your own room now like you’ve always wanted.” “But I meant I couldn’t take this anymore. You guys were supposed to care and then change, not let me leave and not change,” said Kelly. “Kelly, I am not going to take threats from you,” said Dad. “That is something that some women do in relationships to men, tell them to change or they’re leaving. That is emotional blackmail. If it is genuine, the woman can leave if she wants. It’s happened before to lot of people.” “But it wasn’t a threat,” said Kelly. “Then what was it?” Dad asked. Kelly didn’t say anything. “Well?” said Dad. “I don’t know,” she said. “I am very sorry you feel this way Kelly, I really am. I am going to get you some real counseling and we can go together. I am sure the professional will help you through it.” “Just great,” said Kelly. “It might make you feel better,” said Dad. “It might make you a good sister again,” I said. Kelly still protested about therapy but Dad say “Hey, would you rather get a new family? We can start calling relatives right now to see if any of them want you to live with them. Then we will see how it goes for you.” “It’s late,” said Mom. “Tomorrow sweetie,” he said. “I can’t believe you will just throw me out like that as if you really don’t care,” said Kelly. “We just want what’s best for you,” said Dad. “I think therapy will help you and if you are so unhappy living with us, you can live with one of your relatives and you will be welcome home any time.” Kelly sighed. “Okay,” said Dad. “Will this be the end of the madness, no more silent treatments, no more practical jokes, no more trying to make Kelly mad?” “No,” I said. “Nope,” said Matthew. “I will try,” said Mom. “You will do it, I know you can,” Dad told her. Then the meeting was over. I was late for my shower. Mom stood up after everyone else did. “Mom, there is a wet spot you made on the couch,” said Matthew. I looked and saw a huge wet spot on the couch and Matthew was pointing to it. “Anita,” said Dad. I also saw the back of her pants being wet. It was a huge wet spot on her butt at the bottom. Mom didn’t say anything. She just saw it and felt her butt and froze. “Did the meeting distract you from your potty break,” said Dad. “You’re not going to yell at her like you guys always do to me,” I said. “No fair.” “Anita Kim Evans, look at this spot, were you too lazy to go to the bathroom again so you used the sofa as the toilet?” Dad yelled. “Is that better now Natalia?” “Yes,” I said. “Now go upstairs and change your pants now,” Dad yelled at Mom. Mom hurried out of the room all upset. I could hear a loud crinkling sound. “I can’t believe Mom wet her pants again,” said Matthew. “It happens,” said Dad. “You know she forgets to go sometimes and I think what’s been going on this evening distracted her so she forgot to go.” He left the living room. I went upstairs to my room and grabbed two night time diapers and my pajamas and headed to the bathroom for my shower. The string to the door was gone and the TV was still in the middle of the room and I could tell it had been bumped into because some of the Super Nintendo games were off the stand whatever that thing is called the TV sits on.
I guess Kelly and I were no longer at war. Now I could stop thinking of tricks to play on her or any Home Alone.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 18, 2013 4:59:35 GMT
Chapter 7
The timer went off just before my shower. I turned it off and took the watch off. I hopped in the shower after it warmed up. The water I mean. I was bothered by all the things I had heard about myself during the meeting. I felt like a bad person, I am stupid, I’m retarded. I even got distracted and it took me longer to shower. Then there was a pound on the door. “Hurry up in there, you’re wasting water and gas,” said Dad. We are not allowed to take long showers. Dad doesn’t want high water bills or gas. I hurried up and I even cut myself shaving. “Damn it,” I said. I finished shaving and got out. I dried off and cut a hole in my diaper and put it on. I put on another one over it and I started peeing as I taped it on. I just left it on and didn’t bother changing. I put my pajamas on. I brushed my teeth and left the bathroom carrying my wet diaper with me. I threw it away. Kelly was lying in bed. “So you’re though playing pranks on me?” Kelly asked. “Yes,” I said. “Good.” “So are you staying in here or moving to Brian’s bedroom?” Kelly asked. I shrugged. “Do you want to move?” “I don’t want sports” “It can be peeled off,” I said. “Remember our bet? If Mom and Dad divorce, you get all my money, if they don’t divorce, you have to move into Brian’s room.” “Yes,” I said finally remembering our bet we have made last month. “Since they didn’t get a divorce, you lose and have to move into Brian’s,” said Kelly. “But what if they divorce later on?” I asked. “Why would they divorce?” “Mom might get tired of Dad’s drinking or Dad gets tired of her problems,” I said. “They have been married for too long.” “But what if-“ I stopped myself again. I almost said what if Mom finds out Dad cheated on her. “What if what?” Kelly asked. “Nothing,” I said. “Natalie,” said Kelly. “Thanks.” “For what?” I asked. “For helping me with this whole thing.” “What whole thing?” I was confused. What was she talking about? “About the letter thing, getting Mom to put food on my plate, getting her to realize her silent treatments are gay.” “Okay,” I said. “Thanks.” I felt myself stumbling over words. “No problem,” I said. Since the war was over, I had to make a confession. “Kelly, your friend didn’t say those things about you, I made them up. I was mad.” “You mean she didn’t tell you guys I was at Mackenzie’s?” “No I mean she didn’t say you were a mean friend and didn’t like what you were saying on the bus so for revenge she told on you.” “But she didn’t tell on me right?” “Uhhhh,” I said. “She did tell on me didn’t she?” Kelly asked before I could answer “No,” I lied. “C’mon, you’re a horrible liar. She did tell on me,” Kelly threw her pillow at me. “Mom was so worried about you she was crying and having her episode and I had to tell her to call all of your friends parents,” I said. “What was she doing this time?” “Wait, she had one after she called all your friends parents and none of them knew where you were,” I said remembering the order it happened in. “But what was she doing this time? Her typical hair pulling or face hitting routine?” “Yes,” I said. “And moving her arm around. Then I told her to try calling your friends parents.” “Wow, I didn’t know she would care that much,” said Kelly. “She’s your mother, of course she would care,” I said. “What kind of parent doesn’t?” “Lazy ones and ones who don’t love their kids or care about them.” “Mom cares about you or else she wouldn’t have taken care of you or done stuff with you growing up and she would have let me beat you up when you were little and let me hurt you.” Kelly sighed. “A caring parent wouldn’t have done those things,” I said. “That’s not what I mean, has she ever told any of us she loves us or have you ever felt love from her or felt anything from her?” “Sometimes, not much,” I said. “So.” “I can’t remember the time she has ever told me she loves me.” “Why do you need to hear it?” I asked. “Never mind. Give me back my pillow.” I tossed her pillow on her bed and left our room. “Natalie,” Kelly called again. I stopped in the hallway. “What?” “I sort of sabotaged your diapers so don’t wear any of them from the open packages,” said Kelly. I went back in our bedroom. “You what?” “I got a needle and poked holes all over your diapers.” Which ones?” I asked. “The day time ones and your night time ones.” “What?” I shouted. I pulled my pants down and felt for the holes. “You’re not going to see them, they’re so small. I used a small needle,” said Kelly. “Now I have wasted diapers,” I cried. “That was before the meeting,” said Kelly. “I did say I was going to get back at you.” “When did you do this?” I asked. “Today when I got home and tripped over the string you put in the door and I nearly fell down and almost knocked the TV off when I caught myself with it.” I felt my pajamas for wet spots and felt none. I opened a new pack and took two out and took my diapers off and put the new ones on again ripping the role in the first one. I tossed the other ones away since I had already peed in them. Luckily the pee didn’t leak out of them. It may have if I sat down or lied in bed. I felt mad about Kelly ruining my diapers because now I was going to run out sooner and be low on them again before more came again. Then I decided I could always use them as stuffers and now I would be double diapered during the day and I can enjoy the thickness and I wouldn’t have to change as soon.
I was wondering when Dad was going to get me the Nintendo 64 like he promised so I left my bedroom. I headed over to their room and I opened the door again without thinking and I saw Mom with her hand down Dad’s pants. Both of them jumped and Mom pulled her hand out of his pants. “Natalia,” Dad yelled. “You didn’t lock the door again,” Mom yelled at him. “I thought you did it,” Dad yelled back. They both started fighting again about the door. “Excuse me, when am I getting the Nintendo 64?” I asked loudly. “Your mum won’t let me drive so I don’t know,” said Dad. “Remember our deal,” I said. “What deal?” Mom asked. Uh oh I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. “What deal?” Mom asked again. “Oh her and I made a deal that if I get her a Nintendo 64, I will stop drinking,” said Dad. “Really?” said Mom. “You really will stop drinking? Not one sip?” “Uhhhh,” said Dad. “So you won’t return to alcohol ever again?” said Mom. “Your drinking days are over?” “Not exactly,” said Dad. “I was thinking of cutting back.” “But you said you will stop drinking,” Mom pointed out. “I meant all the time,” said Dad. “So you mean you will cut back and not drink all the time, silly Glen, that isn’t stopping drinking. Maybe you crashing really did tell you you should cut back.” “I guess that means Mom won’t ever divorce you because you won’t be a drunk,” I said. “You were going to divorce me?” Dad asked Mom. “No,” said Mom. “Then why did she even say it?” “I thought Mom would get tired of your drinking and divorce you,” I said. “I would be homeless if I left your father,” said Mom, “and your dad would have full custody because he makes all the money.” “You would get a job,” I said. “Or go to my family and get help from them but then I would be so far away from you kids.” “You would really leave the kids with me if you left?” Dad asked. “I figure you would want them and fight in court for it,” said Mom. “It always happens in divorces. Both parents fight for custody and use their own problems against each other to win.” “You read too much and watch too much court drama,” said Dad turning off the lamp and lying down under the covers. “When am I getting the Nintendo 64?” I said again. “How about this weekend,” said Dad. “Mom will take me to the store and we will get you one. Is that alright with you Anita?” “I promised Matthew one too,” said Mom. “So we have to get two of them now? Dad asked. “Can’t they share?” “A promise is a promise,” said Mom. “Just great, we’ll be getting them one and it will be one for both of them, not two unless you blow all your money I give you on it and then you will be asking me for more money and I ask you “what did you do with all the money already I gave you for this month’ and you will say ‘I got Matthew his Nintendo 64 like I promised.’” I left their room knowing I will get one this weekend. Only three more days to go. I heard Mom and Dad bickering again. I felt stupid for walking in their room without knocking. It was embarrassing last time when I thought they were having sex but luckily they weren’t. But man I just didn’t learn my lesson still. I have to really remember next time to knock.
* * *
Mom and I headed to my new school for the meeting. Mrs. Peggy, the school principal, led us into an empty room that is right next to the office with some other teachers. I even saw the PE teacher Mrs. Jenkins. Hey I remembered her name. We all sat down at the table. I drummed my fingers and rocked in my seat. Mom had a bunch of papers in her hand that were my IEP records and medical records. She told me she needed them for school. All the teachers introduced themselves to Mom and I. I couldn’t be bothered to remember their names. Mom and the teachers started to discuss my needs and education and how things were at my old school. The whole topic made me feel uneasy. I had to hear things being wrong with me again. My social skills needing to be worked on, working on asking for help, knowing when to take a break and asking to leave the classroom, working on my volume of voice and learning to raise my hand and waiting to be called on, fidgeting in my seat, working on my outbursts and behavior, pacing, tenancy to answer rhetorical questions and my tenancy to argue and correct teachers when they are wrong. Mom seemed unconcerned about all that. But it was what was written in papers about me from my old school from the teachers. “I actually like that,” one teacher spoke up. “It means they are learning and have knowledge so if they correct you, it means you’re doing your job and they’re learning. Too many teachers have pride and they shouldn’t be teaching if they are going to be arrogant. They just can’t stand being wrong.” “Are you my lost twin?” Mom asked. “Huh?” I asked. “I’m joking sweetie,” said Mom rubbing my shoulder. “I just had a related moment with him is all. Yeah my Natalia has a habit correcting teachers. Better double check yourselves before you teach. You can turn it into a game, see if you can teach without her making a correction or see how little corrections she makes.” Everyone laughed and Mom forced herself to laugh. “I was actually serious but okay,” she said. More things were said about me. The papers said I am eager to learn and work on my assignments but I display inappropriate behavior when I don't understand the assignment, I respond well to visual cues, I ask lot of questions, I display rude behavior, I do fine in PE but warm ups are hard for me and I get frustrated when the game isn’t played the way I want it, I do fine in choir, I prefer to avoid eye contact, I zone out in class, I have a short attention span, I easily get distracted, I go in my own world, I prefer to sleep in class and goof off sometimes. I don't prefer to sleep in class, I just get tired from all the listening and I don't understand the fuss about eye contact. I don't choose to get tired and I am not really sleeping, I am just resting my eyes. How do kids not get tired from listening? Why do people want you to keep your eyes on them? Only time it ever makes sense is if you are teaching the child to say words so of course you will want them to look at your mouth, especially if you're deaf, you will want them to look at you when they speak so you can read their lips. If you're deaf, of course you will look at them when they speak to you so you can read their lips. But I can hear fine so no need to look at them. I don’t goof off in class, what were they talking about? About me getting upset in PE because the game isn’t played the way I want it, kids don’t follow the rules and they goof off. First time I noticed I didn't look at people when I speak to them was when I was thirteen. I would be talking to the ground or wall or in the air or at a table when speaking to someone and it's hard to get myself to keep my eyes on them when I speak. I just keep forgetting and when I have tried doing it, it always felt like prickly branches seeing their pupils and it makes me uncomfortable to look at their faces. I don't know why people look at other people when they speak to them. I see it in movies all the time. I have an idea, since people want you to look at them, I could look at them if they are fat or have something ugly on them, then I will have an excuse to look at them and it wouldn't be rude to stare. “She also has incontinence,” said Mom. “So she will need to leave class when she needs to take care of it when she needs to but she is worried about other kids finding out.” “We have a private bathroom here,” said Mrs. Peggy. “She can use that if she doesn’t feel comfortable changing in the restroom. I assure you she hasn’t been the only one here with that problem.” “Could they all walk?” I asked. Mrs. Peggy didn’t answer so I asked again. “I will answer it later,” was all she said. Mom had the papers in her hand that talked about my injury from the car wreck. I guess she brought it with to prove I really had a medical condition and I am not just a lazy teen who refuses to use the bathroom and doesn’t want to learn how. It’s not that I am incapable, I am not able to. You see, it’s totally unacceptable in the world to be wearing a diaper when you are over three years of age and it becomes okay again when you reach your seventies. I have been online and read posts by people who have problems with wetting and messing and their parents refuse to give them diapers so they always wake up in wet beds or humiliate themselves when they wet their pants in school. So when they were able to earn their own money and drive, they got themselves some diapers to solve the problem. It always makes me so mad when I read that stuff because parents just don’t care about their kids having medical problems because diapers are for babies. Their words, not mine. But here I am wearing one and my parents have me wear them and I wouldn’t want to live my life wetting and messing myself and doing it in bed and always having to have wet clothes and getting it all over. But however, if I were in a wheelchair or used crutches or had cerebral palsy or if I was only two on the inside because my IQ was that low, I wouldn’t have gotten teased about it but because I am not disabled, kids picked on me about it and didn’t care if I had no control. They were just stupid. Now I was going to try and hide it in this school and not ever let anyone know and I was hoping Allie wouldn’t say a thing about it and never has. I felt out of control with myself. I couldn’t stop rocking in my seat or waving my fingers in the hair and shaking my hands and tapping my head and shoulders. I would stop myself if I try only to feel my body being stiff and shaking. I felt like a freak in front of all these teachers and the principal. Right now I just didn’t care to try and control it. I felt better when I was moving my body. “Does she do that often?” one of the teachers asked. “Only when she is overwhelmed,” said Mom. “Natalie, do you want to take a walk, here is three dollars if you find the vending machine. Go buy something from it,” Mom handed me three bucks in front of my face. I took the money and Mom took me out of the room and pushed me out the door and told me to walk to calm myself. She closed the door and I just started walking. I just stared around at the floor and doors and the wall and seeing little specs of dirt on the floor and some marks on the walls and floor. Just normal wear and tear. I looked at the dollar bills Mom gave me. I sniffed it and it smelled like used money. One of the bills was all wrinkled up and the other bill was solid and it looked newer. The other one did too but it had more wrinkles in it. I wonder why Mom wanted me out of the room and wanted me to buy something from the vending machine. I heard a student screaming in one of the rooms. I ignored it. I figured I would be dealing with that here and I don’t have to feel ashamed if I flip out in class and start throwing my work or things on the floor or pushing my chair on the floor or turning my desk over. I do those things because I have to get those feelings out of me somehow. I have been yelled at and sent out of the class every time or get told to pick it up and I do. But I am not sure why I do these things to be honest. I found the vending machine across from the restrooms on the main floor and put a dollar in it. The bill came back out so I insert it back in again but it spat it back out. The bill was too crinkled. I used a different bill that was more solid. I put it in and it didn’t spit it out this time. I looked at the candy and decided on M&Ms. Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing away the Ws. The machine released the candy and it dropped to the bottom. I reached in and got it. I put in another bill. A blonde and a brunette and the red head all go to Las Vegas to gamble. They all agree to meet at three o clock so they all take off and gamble. The red head wins some money and the brunette wins a jackpot. Three o clock comes and they all meet but the blonde is nowhere to be seen. They wonder where she is so they start looking for her. They finally find her at the vending machine and she keeps putting money in and pushing buttons and out comes a candy bar. She puts in another bill and out comes another candy bar. “What are you doing?” they ask. “Duh, winning,” said the blonde. I selected another candy and the bag of fruit snacks came to the bottom. I reached for them and got them out. I even got change back but I didn’t have enough for another candy bar. I brought them back to the room where the meeting was held. “Look what I got Mom,” I said when I came in. I held up the bag of M&Ms and fruit snacks. “Good, go have them. They’re yours,” said Mom. “Gee thanks,” I said. I ripped open the M&Ms and started to eat them. I decided I will eat the fruit snacks another time. I didn’t want to have lot of empty calories. The staff kept on discussing my education as I walked around the room. Then I was asked about what classes I wanted to take. They told me what classes they had. It was all different because this is a small school, they didn’t have lot of regular classes my old school had. They did have Spanish but they didn’t have other language classes like French or Russian or German. They did have a cooking class and they did drama and choir. They also had art. They had English too and math and history and of course PE. Of course some of the classes were required like English. I was also informed I will have younger kids in some of my classes. Of course they had therapy classes too. They thought one of the classes would be good for me because it’s where kids talk about their problems and they all discuss them and every day a teacher will have a new topic for them to discuss. I noticed they had looked at my IEP records and medical records because they were scattered all over the table. I guess that was why they consulted me about being in one of the special classes. I wondered what they had written about me. But I agreed and told them what classes I was interested in. I wanted to do cooking, I wanted to do choir again, I wanted to do Spanish, I wanted to do drama. I have acted before but this will be a play this time, not a movie. I will never be in a movie again. I also wanted to do art. “We also do job training,” said Mrs. Peggy. “Are you interested in having a job soon? We do voc rehab and it’s to help students get job experience and sometimes we give them jobs here but they’re nothing big, we have one student collect all the attendance from all the teachers and bring them to the office. We have one student who empties out the trash from all the classrooms and doing the recycling.” “Cool,” I said. “We have also had students work outside the school at other places and sometimes they are given summer jobs to make their own money.” “Cool,” I said. “You sound interested,” said Mrs. Peggy. “What classes will I have here?” I asked. “Just fill this out.” She handed me the form for me to fill out. It was a handbook and it had list of classes for me to take and it already had some down I was required to take because of state law. I had to do PE of course because of my age. I also had to do English. It was pretty much the same stuff from my old school. I still had geography, science and Math. It was like a normal school except different and it had little kids here too. Yes I am calling the sixth graders and the seventh and eighth graders little kids. They look like little kids to me. I also picked to do vocational rehab and of course I decided to try the group thing. I hope I will like it. Then I had to decide on what classes I wanted. I had four choices. I wrote down choir, Spanish, voc rehab, and drama. But I had to write more down for in case I couldn’t get in so I wrote down cooking. I also wrote down parenting and art. I also noticed they didn’t have show choir but I didn’t care. Brian did show choir when he was in high school and we saw him perform. I thought it was boring then to go see him. I thought puppet shows were boring too and plays. I never enjoyed them when I was a kid. But here I am wanting to be in a play. I would have found it boring when I was little. I bet I could try and be in a movie again. I just have to act out in public and hope another movie scout will spot me and ask me to audition. I finished picking my classes and pushed the paper away. Mrs. Peggy took it. The meeting went on for a little longer and I was informed I would be changing my “product” in a private bathroom and I wouldn’t have to worry about being caught and if anyone questions why I go in there, just tell them I have a shy bladder and I can keep my supply in the room and I can always grab it when I need to change. I was also informed what time school started and ended and they mentioned they have vans that pick kids up all over the area who don’t live within the city limits and some parents take their kids to school and some take the special ed bus. Since it was a fifteen minute drive to get here, Mom would be gone for about a half hour and she would have to bring me to school early and then I would have to sit and wait for school to start because she has to get Matthew up for school and he starts at nine. I didn’t want to be stuck at school doing nothing and have to sit outside to wait. Or she would have to wake Matthew up with me and get us both ready and then bring me to school and go home and he has the extra time to sleep after being ready for school and it might be a drag for her because she would have to get him up earlier. It will be like having two kids in elementary school again where she had to get them all up for school. “What time does your son start school?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “Nine,” said Mom. “Okay and how far away is it from your home?” “Few minutes.” “Few minutes, okay so you can bring them both to school you drop him off and then you bring her here,” Mrs. Peggy suggested. “Or you can have a van come and pick her up if it’s going to not work with your schedule.” “I don’t know,” said Mom. “This is hard for all parents when they put their kids here. They have to think about their work schedule and their other kids, I know how that is.” “I don’t work,” said Mom. “Oh, okay. So you have less to think about.” “But my son is hard to get up for school and he is a Pokey Little Puppy and I have to nag him to get moving and hurry up and I still do everything for him like get him dressed, grab his shoes and coat and bag, brush his hair, pull him into the bathroom to get his teeth brushed and sending him to school with messy hair and bad breath won’t work because I’ve tried it. I don’t know how I am going to get him to the bus and bring my daughter here. “Yeah some kids are really slower than molasses in January,” said Mrs. Jenkins. “I am glad I am passed that stage.” “Natalie is passed that stage too,” said Mom. “We can still arrange a van just to make it easier. Most parents do it when they are not sure,” said Mrs. Peggy. “What time does your son catch the bus?” “Eighty thirty five it comes,” said Mom. “Oh, so you will still have time to bring her here unless traffic is bad.” Mom decided to go along with the van just to ease her worries. I didn’t want to ride the van because I didn’t want to get up so darn early if the ride would be over an hour long. School started at nine so I thought I wouldn’t have to get up as early and I could sleep in longer but Mrs. Peggy told me I might luck out and be the last one to be picked up and it wouldn’t even be an hour long. That was just the total of how long it took to pick kids up all over the area and bringing them down here and it’s not that many kids and they can fit nine in a van and it depends on what the route is and where they have to go and pick kids up and they are of all ages from eleven to eighteen. I felt better but I still felt nervous. “How will we know when it comes?” Mom asked. “We’ll let you know by tomorrow.” I was hoping I wouldn’t have to get up early for it and I was hoping I wouldn’t be the first to be picked up and I will be the last. I wonder if Allie took the van here too. I wonder if she would be riding it with me. Or did she take the special ed bus? I had seen those buses when I was little and I had never been on one. I always took the long buses but when I was in Kindergarten, I always took a shorter bus to school and on the way home it would be on the long bus. Before I was put in another class, I took the long bus to school and the shorter bus back. My parents had me switch classes because I was having problems in my classroom with the teacher so they stuck me in another classroom with a different teacher and I met all these new kids I had never seen before. Mom had to fill out another form and I just sat and waited and bounced my legs and played with my fingers. I also did not like that school got out at three thirty because then I would have less free time at home. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get home. I was not liking this. Why did I agree to go to this school? I should have fought to stay in my old one even if it meant getting picked on. I would rather get picked on than being home late and not being able to do my things. Then I felt warmth in my crotch. I looked down trying to hide my face. I couldn’t let anyone know I was having an accident. I realized I was still having one. I felt nervous and I had no way of stopping the flow. It felt like a big one. Soon the meeting ended and everyone shook Mom’s hand and then mine and said they will see me in school on Monday. I got up and I realized the chair was wet. I felt my pants and they were soaking wet. I had a bad leak. I knew it wasn’t Kelly that did this because I took the diaper from another pack I opened. “Mommy,” I cried. Mom looked at me and saw the wet pants. “Oh dear, we’ll get you cleaned up.” “What happened?” one of the staff asked. “Her incontinent aid leaked,” said Mom. “Just say diaper, god” I snapped. “Sorry,” said Mom. “Her diaper leaked. Better?” I couldn’t understand why everyone was avoiding the word diaper. They all know I wear them so why hide it? “I have cleaning stuff to clean the chair with,” said the other teacher. I didn’t know how I was going to walk out there and risk being seen in wet pants. Mom was nice to take her coat off and wrap it around my waist to hide the accident. She took me to the private bathroom for me to get cleaned up in. Mom just took her coat off me and told me to take off my pants to see why leaked so badly. It turned out the whole entire of the outside of the diaper was wet. “Looks like you had on a defective diaper,” said Mom. “Just put a clean one on and the pants and we’ll head home.” “I hate being incontinent,” I said. I took the diaper off and Mom threw it in the trash for me and washed her hands. She left the restroom and came back with my backpack few minutes later. “Good thing I made you bring extras,” she said. She opened it and took out a diaper and handed it to me. She also took out the wipes and took out a wipe and closed the container again. She started cleaning me up down there as I unfolded the diaper. Then she took it from me and put it on me while I was standing. I helped her by holding it so it will be tight. I don’t mean too tight it digs into my skin, just tight it makes it snug. I put the pants back on and Mom let me keep her coat around my waist. “Maybe you should have brought some pants along,” said Mom. “This has never happened,” I said. “It doesn’t hurt to keep extra clothes with you for leaks and incidents like this. I don’t want to drive all the way down here to bring you an extra pair of pants just because you sprung a leak.” We got in her car and went home. Mom had me sit on her coat to keep the seat dry. “Man, I can’t believe it ends late and now I won’t be able to relax when I get home because I will get home later and have homework and I should have fought to stay in my old school and I would rather get bullied than not being able to relax. Dad says if it doesn’t work out for me, I can go back to my old school.” “Look, if the ride is that long, I can always pick you up from school so you will get home sooner,” said Mom. “Matthew can get himself home and be home alone for a few minutes with Kelly. How does that sound?” I felt better. “Okay,” I said. “Good,” said Mom. I still wondered what my days were going to be like after school. I felt nervous about it I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
When we got home, Mom threw her coat in the washer and I took my pants off in and laundry room and ran upstairs. Kelly and Matthew were home so I was seen in my diaper by them. I went in my room and cleaned off my skin and put on another pair of pants. “Natalie, what happened to your pants?” Matthew asked. “I peed through my diaper,” I said. “Sucks,” he said. I was glad to be in a clean pair. I went downstairs and asked Mom why she sent me out of the room at school and had me walk around and get myself some candy. “Because you were getting all anxious in there from all the stuff you had to hear and I knew you didn’t want to hear it so I had you take a walk so you aren’t so upset. Then by the time you got back, you were all calmed down and weren’t doing all that stereotypic behavior. You were normal again. I know how much you want to be “normal” and everyone was looking at you.” “Why?” I asked. “Because you were acting different. I am sure they have had lot of students act that way too so I don’t know why they had to stare at you so I sent you out of the room so you could calm down because I knew that’s what you needed.” “Why were you guys all avoiding the word diaper?” “I didn’t want to embarrass you and make you uncomfortable. I know you get embarrassed when people talk about your problems and mention your diapers.” “But they all knew I wore them so I didn’t see the point trying to keep it hidden.” “I’m sorry, next time I will say diaper. But when I have said that in the past, you would get upset with me for saying it so I don’t know when I am supposed to use it or not.” “I do get embarrassed about it,” I said. “But I still do nonetheless even if you do avoid the word so there really isn’t a point hiding it if everyone around me knows I wear them. They would know anyway even if they didn’t know because it’s so obvious it doesn’t take brains to figure it out. Just mention my problem and they would know.” I remember when Mom got me out of jail, she used the word diaper and I didn’t care then because they knew I wore them and there was no one else around. “I also get uncomfortable when I have to tell people also but I do it because I have to so they can accommodate you. But now that I have done it for so long, it’s not so embarrassing anymore and I am not worried about what reactions I will get and you may be surprised what the results were.” “What were they?” I asked. “People feeling bad about it because you have no control and they can’t imagine having to sit in their mess and I have gotten ignorant ones like “Diapers? That is what catheters are for, you don’t need to use diapers” and I would tell them you have bowel incontinence too and then they said I should still use catheters because diapers are for handicapped children and old people and they would tell me about kegal exercise you can do and operations, work outs, potty schedules or going to the toilet every few minutes and I couldn’t believe how ignorant they were and I said one time try going to the toilet every few minutes and tell me how it goes and they have to try doing it when they are on the road too and out in public and try finding a restroom every few minutes while they are out and tell me how it went and if they think you should still try doing that. “ “What did they say?” “I don’t remember. It felt good saying it because it showed how stupid they were being. But I don’t tell people anymore you have incontinence because it’s not their business if you’re not involved in their lives. The school I had to tell because you will be a student there so they need to know so they can let you leave class and so things are easier there. I didn’t tell Denise about you being incontinent until Allie had to spill it and she put two and two together when she found out because she knew about the car accident and she asked me if that comes from it and I told her yes.” What Mom did for me at school, I couldn’t see how she was selfish and only cares about herself and how she is abusive. Kelly is a dumb blonde. “Mom, what would you think if someone wore diapers and they didn’t even need them?” I asked. “What do you mean?” “If they don’t even have a medical problem and they wear them anyway.” “I think it depends on the situation. If they were somewhere where there isn’t a bathroom and they can’t hold it if they have to go, I don’t find it weird at all to wear one and I am sure there are people that do it.” “What if they just decided to wear them because they were too lazy to use the bathroom?” “I don’t know. I am sure people have done it so it wouldn’t surprise me. I knew a kid in my neighborhood who always peed in beer bottles because he didn’t like getting up to use the bathroom. I remember catching Matthew peeing in our yard because he didn’t want to come inside to use the bathroom. Man that was hard, especially when you kept peeing in your playhouse.” I remember the pre diaper days, Kelly and I peed in my playhouse and I got this excitement so I kept on doing it. Then Mom didn’t like it when she found out and she would somehow know what I was doing in there even with the windows closed and the door. I could remember her opening one of the windows in our house or opening the outside door and yelling at me to not do it. It was like she had x-ray eyes. I could remember when my cousin Ashley tattled on me. “Aunt Anita, Natty peed in the playhouse” and she kept telling her until it got her attention so Mom came over to me and screamed if I peed in the playhouse and I kept saying no and she finally spanked me and put in in time out in one of the patio chairs. Then she decided she wanted me in my room for the rest of the day because she was too mad at me and she couldn’t stand seeing me. That was the last time I remember doing it. I never understood why it was so wrong to pee in the playhouse but I guess she could smell the pee in the yard and she didn’t like it. I could only smell it when I got in the playhouse. Why didn’t she tell me I was making the whole backyard smell like pee? But yet I wear diapers now so I guess she puts up smelling the pee in them because I can’t help it. I have never asked her if she can smell the pee after my accident. After changing diapers for fifteen years, I would think she would be used to the pee smell so why would smelling it in the yard be any different? But I also wonder how Ashley knew I peed in the playhouse. She didn’t even see me do it and she wasn’t even there. I wonder if it was the fresh pee smell that gave it away when she went in there to play. But I had peed in a bucket then and tossed it outside so no pee stuck to the floor. It will always be a mystery. “Mom, why was it a problem I kept peeing in the playhouse?” I asked. “It was unsanitary and it stunk. Pee isn’t good,” Mom replied. “Did the whole yard smell?” “No but it stunk when you would go near the playhouse and neighbors didn’t need to be smelling it either and the pee smell gets stronger and stronger when it’s just sitting there. That is why your diapers start stinking really bad so we always use the lid to hold in the smell until garbage day and it doesn’t take you more than two days to have to take it out to the garage. You fill the pail so fast.” “I don’t let it get full and it takes me about three days,” I said. “When there is no school, it’s about two days. That’s also why we don’t like you throwing your used diapers away in the bathroom. It starts stinking and then the whole bathroom smells like pee. I am thinking you should start taking your used diapers to the garage instead of throwing them away in your bedroom. I can’t stand the air freshener and it’s hard going in there.” “Kelly and I are getting our own rooms anyway,” I said. “I can’t stand that air freshener.” “I won’t use it then.” “Then your room smells.” “It has for eight years,” I said. “I used to throw them away out in the garage after I would get through changing you so no it has not smelled for eight years. But you kept tossing your diapers on the floor in your room or throwing them in the closet until I got you a trash can. If you want your room to smell, fine by me.” “But doesn’t the lid keep the smell in?” I asked. “Yeah but whenever you open it, it comes out. That is why I think you should throw them away in the garage or do you want your room to smell like poop and pee?” “I don’t even smell it that much,” I said. “It’s because you’re used to it and it’s your smell. Then when you leave your door open, we can smell it in the hallway so I always close the door to keep it in. I don’t know why I even bought you that trash can, I thought it would help but it still smells. The bathroom smells when you change in there so it doesn’t matter. Your room will smell even if you do throw them out in the garage after you change. I would suggest you open a window like your sister would and I have opened the bathroom window after you’d get done in there.” “I wish my diapers didn’t smell,” I said. “Drink enough water, change more often, use baby powder, shower more, use wipes each time you change, and maybe we can find some air freshener that won’t be strong.” All that sounded too overwhelming. I always forget to drink more water and I only drink water when I feel thirsty, it’s a pain to shower every time I change and the messy ones are already annoying to clean up. How often do I need to change to not smell? “How often do I need to change to not smell?” I asked. “Four hours is a start,” said Mom. “Every hour you can have a glass of water. You can set a timer for that and write down when you change so you know if you get the times mixed up.” I still had my Mom’s watch on my arm. It beeped and I turned it off. I had changed less than four hours ago so Mom reset it to another three hours before it goes off again. I would be out of the shower by then so the timer was useless. I went back upstairs to my room and read an hour of The Blue Package. I was almost done with it. It only had twenty eight parts to it. I could relate to the teasing and not being allowed in the bathrooms. Darrell’s friend Scott would stop Randy from entering the bathrooms and so did other boys because babies don’t need to use them. They’re words, not mine. At least the teasing wasn’t bad as Steven’s in Heather the Babysitter. Randy could quit wearing them anytime he wanted to and never go back to wearing again but he still wanted to wear them so he picked the teasing in school and dealing with it because he didn’t want to give up diapers but Steven didn’t have that choice. I still don’t understand why someone would want to pick to wear diapers and get teased in school for it. But it was fiction. He still had friends despite wearing them so they didn’t seem to give him too much trouble but it was fiction so of course you can have your character wear them and still have friends. I could write a story about myself and have everyone be nice to me and still have friends. It would be my fantasy about how I want everyone to treat me and I would make myself normal and have everyone treat me like everyone else and not different. I could also make myself continent. I finished reading the story and I liked the ending. Randy had decided to stay in diapers and he decided to be a baby again so he turned his room into a nursery and his dad built him a crib in his size. I am not interested in the whole baby thing. Sure I like kid shows and kid stuff but I don’t really play with toys anymore because I am always watching TV or doing the computer or playing video games but I don’t want to sleep in a crib or have any baby toys or wear what babies wear or eat baby food only or be in play pens or strollers. Even though when I was little, I would always put bibs on and lie in Matthew’s crib and Kelly’s when they still slept in one. I also liked eating baby food and riding in the stroller, having a pacifier in my mouth and I filled Kelly’s bottle up once with water and started drinking out of it. I also remember climbing into Kelly’s playpen and throwing cushions in it and jumping in it. I also remember playing with their old toys they had when they were babies. Some of them were mine too from when I was little. I also remember the baby swing we used to have on our swing set for Kelly and I would ride in it too and play with it. We used it for Matthew too. I clicked on Diaper Desires but then I decided to go back to the incontinent board and read posts there. The Misadventures of Being Incontinent topic was still going on. I made a new post talking about my diaper leaking badly at school and all the teachers and the principal saw it. I had peed through it somehow and Mom said it was a defective diaper. I had to go home in wet pants and I wore my mom’s coat around my waist to cover the wet spot.
Then Mom called my name. “Natalie,” she called. “What?” I shouted. “Natalie?” “What,” I yelled again. I heard Mom coming and I kept on reading the board. Then Mom came in my room. She had the phone in her hand and it was up to her ear. “When Denise and her kids came over for Halloween, did you give one of your diapers to her kids?” I shook my head. What was she talking about? “She said no. What color is it?...Pink. When did you find it?...under her bed… while cleaning. She doesn’t know where it came from either….Okay. No I haven’t noticed anything because I haven’t looked in her closet, we just got some more.” Then Mom asked me. “Natalie, did you notice one less diaper in your closet when you changed?” “No,” I said. “She said no. It’s weird an adult diaper appeared magically under her bed and it was already wet. When did you notice it? Oh today?” Mom closed my bedroom door. I looked in my closet and looked at the package I had opened. I counted how many I had left and I couldn’t tell I had one less diaper in the closet that wasn’t used by me. I looked in the other opened packages and couldn’t tell. I really do need to start counting my diapers every time I take one out. No way could one of her kids have taken my diapers. I would have seen it and none of her kids were in my room except Allie and she was with me the whole time and she never went in my closet. Maybe it was another diaper they had there and it came from somewhere else and it’s just a coincidence it was the same color as mine. I got back on the computer and went to the diaper story board next and posted there. I decided to start a new thread asking if anyone else there is incontinent and if they like peeing in their diapers and pooping in them. I decided to talk about my guilty pleasure there. I read some stories there and then I got off and played some video games.
Soon, dinner time came again Mom made a quick dinner and picked Dad up and brought him home. They both went upstairs and Dad was in a bad mood for some reason when they back down. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me. He said he had a hard day at work and it’s so uncomfortable sitting on the bus for an hour and a half because the seats are so hard and he wishes he could just drive to work. “You shouldn’t have done drunk driving,” Mom reminded him. “When are you going to shut up about it,” said Dad. “Until I the day I die? Will those be your final words on my death bed?” Mom didn’t answer. They just sat down at the table. “When are the Halloween decorations going down?” said Dad. “I don’t want to get a letter about it and then have to pay a fine.” “We have until the fifth,” said Mom. “Why would we have to pay a fine for Halloween stuff?” Matthew asked. “It’s neighborhood rules,” said Dad. “Everyone has to have their stuff down by Sunday or they will take it down for us and then charge us. We’re not allowed to put up outdoor Christmas stuff either until after Thanksgiving and the only exception is if you’re going to have a gaudy house, but then you have to turn the lights off at a certain time so it’s not bothering any of the neighbors.” “How come?” I asked. “Would you want your room shining bright from next door because of all those lights they have on their home?” Dad asked. “No, why do they want Halloween decorations down at a certain time?” I asked. “Why do they not want Christmas stuff up early?” “Would you like to still see Halloween decorations up when it’s Thanksgiving? Do you want to see any Christmas stuff up before Thanksgiving?” “I don’t know,” I said. “That’s stupid they tell us what to do with our home,” said Matthew. “Nope, you choose to live in a neighborhood with rules, it’s not stupid. If you don’t want to be told what color to paint your house, how to have your yard and what you can’t have in it, or being told what roof to have or being told you have to take down your decorations by a certain date, don’t move into a HOA neighborhood.” “What’s HOA?” I asked. “Homeowner’s Association,” said Mom. “I don’t want to live in such neighborhood when I grow up,” said Matthew. “Then don’t,” said Mom. “When looking at a house, make sure it’s not in a HOA neighborhood.” “Why do they tell us what to do with our house?” “Because Homeowner’s Association is all about making the neighborhood look nice,” Dad explained. “It keeps the home values up. If one home is trashy and they have a dumpy yard, it brings down other house values so if someone wanted to sell their house, they wouldn’t get much money for it because home value is based on the neighborhood it’s in and how nice it looks and how good the homes look around it and the yards and it’s also to satisfy people so they don’t have to look at what bothers them like a yard being a mess or leaving up Halloween decorations until Thanksgiving or leaving up Christmas lights until Easter or Valentine’s.” “If the home is so bright from the decorations, why not just close your curtain?” I said. “If it’s too bright, it won’t block out the light. Do you expect them to put a board over their window, then it would be a fire hazard,” said Dad. “Or just put up very thick blankets and put cardboard over the window,” said Mom. “Just neighborhood rules we have,” Dad shrugged. “Or pay a fine.” “What if you keep breaking it?” I asked. “Then they take you to court and you can be forced to move out of your house.” “Geez,” said Matthew. “Don’t move into a HOA neighborhood if you don’t agree with the rules,” said Dad. “What if they’re dumb rules?” “Don’t move there,” Mom and Dad said in unison. “One thing I will never understand is people who move into a HOA neighborhood and then complain about one of the rules and don’t they even bother looking up what the rules are first before buying a house?” said Dad. “Before we bought this house, we looked at what the rules were first before buying it. We also saw what the neighborhood would look like when completed.” “What if they added a rule you didn’t like after you moved in?” Kelly asked. “Don’t move there,” Dad said again. “You have to realize they can add new rules and if you don’t want to risk any dumb ones, don’t move into one. Also try asking the neighbors first before buying a house and ask them what the history is and if there are any dumb rules that have been added and what their experience has been. But if the rule isn’t enforced but yet they make a big deal out of you violating it and not about everyone else, then you can complain and fight it. Why should the rule apply to you and not to everyone else?” “Oh I remember that,” said Mom. “And some neighbors stood up for us.” “It must be an Evan trait to be treated different,” said Dad. “And a Laney trait,” said Mom. “This whole family is weird and people don’t like weird people so they pick on them,” said Kelly. “Life would be boring Kellers if everyone were the same,” said Dad. “Besides there are other weird people in this neighborhood. The Parkers always have their Christmas stuff on the table every February. The Scotts are religious and they think praying to god will solve all their problems and make their son a better person instead of getting him help. The Jonahs’ the Howards’ the Robertas, they don’t allow their kids in the dining room or living room and the Limmers were the same way too. Now isn’t that weird?” “But we’re the weird ones,” said Kelly. “So are they,” said Dad. “Maybe we’re weird because we don’t have so many strange rules and aren’t so religious and don’t have Christmas stuff on the dining room table two months after Christmas has ended.” “You’re crazy about the house being clean,” said Kelly. “I think there are lot of strange rules to that.” “I am not the only one who has their home like a display in a magazine. If that is my OCD, then they must have it too.” “I doubt they get upset and mad if there is a dish left in the sink or the litter box not being cleaned out or a toy being left out or a game not being put away,” said Mom. “It’s how you react to it and how it affects you.” We kept on eating our spaghetti. After dinner, we cleared our spots and put our dishes in the dishwasher and I had to do my chore of sweeping the kitchen while Kelly wiped off the table and Matthew didn’t have any kitchen chores except cleaning the litter box and making sure there is water in the bowls for our pets. After we were all done, I ran back upstairs and got on the computer and did Shockwave until my shower.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 18, 2013 15:14:00 GMT
Chapter 8
Friday, it was my last day of my vacation. Well I had the whole weekend but then on Monday I had school. I was starting to feel nervous. What if Allie had told the kids there I wore diapers? What if I get teased there too for it? What if I also don’t fit in? What if kids are too different than me and I am the only one normal? Allie doesn’t look that different and she looks normal to me. I remembered the screaming I heard in school, what if I hear that a lot? What if my things get thrown? What if someone decides to grab my Game Boy and throw it on the floor? I was eating breakfast and Mom told me it was our last day together so maybe we should go out and do something and everyone is at work so it shouldn’t be too crowded. I didn’t know what to do. I just planned on staying home and playing on the computer and reading diaper stories and watch GoldenEye and play video games. I just shrugged. “You don’t know?” Mom asked. I rested my head on my hand and moved the cereal around in my bowl. Mom headed out in the garage and came back and told me she didn’t have much gas left in the car so it looks like we can’t go out of town but we can go to town and walk around or was I still too nervous. “Kids are in school so I don’t think they will see you,” said Mom. “Unless they cut class or go out for lunch,” I said. “Well if it gets too bad, we can always come home, how does that sound?” “Mmmm mmmm,” I said. “Yes or no?” “I don’t know,” I said. “Okay yes then, after you’re done eating, get changed and get dressed and we will leave at eleven,” said Mom. Mom does not take I don’t know answers often so she will decide for you. I didn’t even want to go to town so why did I say I didn’t know? I couldn’t tell her no or she might get mad because I couldn’t make up my mind and she was already planning her day. I hate it when she gets spontaneous. If it’s her idea, she is okay. But at least she asks us first before pushing it on us but we better not say “I don’t know.” Just one of the hardest things about her as a parent, she wants yes or no answers and it’s hard when you can’t make up your mind or are not sure. What have I gotten myself into?
I got done with breakfast and put the bowl in the sink, dishwasher was full from last night. I took my pill and went upstairs and changed my diaper. I double diapered this time. I put one on Kelly poked holes in and put on another one she didn’t poke holes in. I put on a long sleeve t shirt and overalls. I brushed my teeth in the bathroom and got on the computer and posted some more on the diaper story board. I also read the answers to my post from yesterday. Some members there admitted to liking the feeling and they were also incontinent. One of them even said pooping in his diapers makes him feel naughty. That made no sense because why would he feel naughty if he can’t help it? I got another response saying It’s a shame how we are all made to feel ashamed about our condition we can’t even share it with anyone and we aren’t allowed to enjoy it or have peace with it because diapers are seen for babies only and old people. Good for you Natalie you have learned to accept your condition and like using them and not letting anyone make you feel bad about it.
Did I feel bad about liking peeing in them or pooping? I am too embarrassed to ever admit it to anyone. But I felt better I wasn’t the only one so I thought I should ask it on the incontinent board. I went to the board and posted the same question there to see if anyone will admit it there too. I looked up James Bond again and looked at old pictures of all the women that played in the movies. I also read reviews about the GoldenEye game and I love it when people say bad things about Natalya and say how annoying she is. Some even call her retarded and say how retarded she acts. Some talk about how they have killed her on purpose or how they have accidentally killed her. Someone once wrote about how to kill her without failing the mission. On The Achieves level, before you jump out the window, make sure Natalya is standing right there, plant mines on the wall and jump out as you hit the button on the watch and in replay mode, the mines will go off and Natalya dies but for some reason James doesn’t die. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Matthew always found it hilarious and he always did it as a punishment for her running away and having to go find her. It has even been posted on Funcoland about how to kill her without failing the mission. But people submit the same tips over and over so it gets repetitive. It’s different people saying the same thing.
Then Mom came in my room. “Let’s go,” she said. I clicked out of AOL and shut down the computer. “Got your diaper bag?” Mom asked. I picked up my backpack that still had my diapers in there from yesterday. We left my room and I put my shoes on and grabbed my coat and headed out the door. Mom commented on my big butt. I told her I had on two diapers because Kelly had poked holes in my diapers to get back at me so I was using them for inside my diaper so they hold more and I wouldn’t have to change as soon. “I am going to have a word with her when she gets home,” said Mom. “I can’t believe she did that.” “It was before the meeting,” I said. “She wasted your diapers and our money,” said Mom. “She wanted to get back at me because I got her clothes all wet,” I said. “I don’t care, she wasted our money. No wonder your diaper leaked at school.” “No that was a defective diaper,” I said. “She only poked holes in them that were in the opened packages and I took that one out of the package I opened.” “Maybe you got them mixed up and pulled the diaper out of the one she poked holes in,” said Mom. “No I keep them separated so I know which one is the good one.” “Where do you keep the bad ones and the good ones?” “I kept the good ones on the shelf and the bad ones on the floor in the closet.” “And where did you grab the diaper when you put it on?” Mom asked. “From the top shelf,” I said. Mom didn’t say anything else. She took my answer and didn’t argue.
When we got to town, Mom drove through the downtown area. I saw the bank again Dad had crashed into and they had been working on it. Mom parked her car and we got out. I left my backpack in the car but Mom took it with because she didn’t want to walk all the way back if I needed to be changed. I reminded her I had two on so I wouldn’t need to and she told me what if I have a messy one and I said I take those pills so it won’t smell and I can wait until I get home. Mom took the backpack with anyway and carried it for me just in case. I just walked with my Gameboy and a few games in my pocket. There were some antique stores downtown and a couple second hand stores. Mom and I looked in those. What I love about them is finding old toys and old Happy Meal Toys and games and puzzles and they’re all cheap to buy. They even have diapers sometimes but my parents never buy them. We get them from the pharmacy is why or from the store. There is even a greeting store downtown and we looked in there too and left. They also sold Ty Beanies and some gifts and small toys and activity books and stuffed animals and some candy. We skipped the florist shop and walked by some places. We walked by a pet supply shop and some offices and Mom wanted to look in the art gallery. I just took my Game Boy out and started playing.
I was starting to feel hungry again but I ignored the feeling. Mom looked at all the paintings and drawings and then when she was done, we left. I put my game away and we walked on the other side of the street by some places and we walked by Christopher’s Bar. We saw a man pushing another man out the door and he yelled to him “Don’t come back to my bar, we don’t want another trouble maker.” The man was saying something back but he was so hard to say. “What is he saying Mom?” I asked. “I don’t know, he’s drunk so he is slurring his words,” she said. The guy who kicked the guy out saw us. “Hey,” he said. “How is your husband doing?” “Better,” said Mom. “He hasn’t had a sip since and is going to cut back.” “What were his charges?” “He hasn’t gone to court yet,” said Mom. “And I suppose this is one of your kids,” he looked at me. “Yes,” said Mom. “This is Natalie.” “Pleased to meet you,” he said holding out his hand. I took it and shook it. I don’t know why we do it but it’s something we do so I do it to be nice. “What’s she doing out of school?” “She starts Monday,” said Mom. “I got kicked out so I am going to my new school,” I said. “That’s too bad. I know someone who got kicked out once for smoking weed,” said the guy. “So ‘nother trouble maker huh?” said Mom. “Is it another drunk who can’t handle his beer?” “Neah, just an asshole so I finally kicked him out. I don’t think your husband is one when he isn’t drinking. I am sure he is likable when he isn’t drunk.” “It was my fault,” said Mom. “I took it away from him for a week and he snapped so he went to your bar and drank more than he does and this all happened.” “No no it wasn’t. You’re not responsible for his actions and I bet this was all an eye opener for him and you did say he was going to cut back.” “Yes,” said Mom. “I hope he never returns to his drinking habits. He has done it off and on. We’re going back to window shopping. Take care.” Then we started walking away. “Nice seeing you again,” he called after us. “That was the bar owner,” Mom told me. I got one last look at him and he was staring at us. He was a bit fat and he wore a blue cap that had a yellow S on it and it had a yellow line under it with leaves on the edge of the cap and he had on a sports t shirt saying Marines and he had on sweat pants. He was a big guy. I turned my head and continued looking at the ground and other cars and buildings. Then that same drunk guy came up to us. He started walking close by to me telling me how pretty I am and I look gorgeous. “Thanks,” I said shyly. “Do you do drugs or smoke or drink?” “I’m too young for that stuff and it’s bad for you,” I said. “Hey, don’t get defensive,” he said gently. “I am not blaming you. You don’t need to feel bad about it. It’s all good. I didn’t say you were a bad person for it.” “Hey look at me miss,” he said. I looked at him but not his face. “Hey look at me,” he said again. “She doesn’t need to look at you,” said Mom jumping to my defense. “I like women who have respect for their bodies and I also like blonde haired women. Do you have a boyfriend?” “No,” I said. “Why not? You’re so pretty. How can you not have one?” “No one has ever wanted to be my boyfriend,” I said. “I’m not interested anyway.” I would like to get married but right now I don’t want a boyfriend. None of them have asked me to be their girlfriend and I wouldn’t want to be their girlfriend because they’re mean to me. Besides who would want someone who wears diapers? Maybe I have to find another weird guy or a guy who is also incontinent. This man seemed weird but I didn’t like how he looked. His teeth were crooked and he had some missing teeth, he looked like he hadn’t had a shower. Plus he was old. Plus his hair needed to be brushed. His clothes looked okay and he had tattoos on his neck and arm. I don’t like dirty people. “That’s too bad. How can anyone not want to be your boyfriend, you’re so pretty. Are you a lesbian?” he asked. “No,” I said. The man then made some smooching noises. “I could kiss you and go inside you,” he said. Ew, I didn’t want him to kiss me. “Ew,” I said. “I don’t want a kiss.” The man laughed. “Hey, she is fifteen,” Mom ordered. “Didn’t her saying she is too young for smoking and drinking enough for you to get the hint she is underage and she said she wasn’t interested.” “She isn’t fifteen,” he said. “Yes she is,” said Mom. “She looks too old to be fifteen.” “Well she is and you’re too old for her. Go look for women your age, not young ones.” “How old do you think I am?” he asked. “Old,” said Mom. “How old?” he asked. “Fifties,” Mom guessed. “No I’m forty three.” “Too old for my child,” said Mom. “I can be friends with her then,” he said. “No thanks,” I said. “I’m not interested and you’re ugly.” “Well I can fix that,” he said. “Just tell me-“ “What do you want to be friends with her for?” Mom asked firmly. “I like blonde haired women,” he said. “I have blonde hair and you’re more interested in her than me?” said Mom. “I like young blonde haired women.” He put his hand on my hair all of a sudden but I pulled away. I didn’t want his dirty hands in my hair. Mom stepped in between us blocking me from him holding me. “If you touch her one more time, your wrist will hurt for a month,” Mom yelled angrily at him. “Now go away. Scram before I create a scene.” The man held his hands out. “Whoa there miss take it easy.” Mom had a look on her face I had never seen in years and she was looking at him, then she raised my backpack in the air growling. She looked scary now and the man ran off fast saying something. “Crazy bitch,” I heard. Mom sighed and lifted my backpack down. “You bet, I will be one to protect my kids,” said Mom. “So we really did need your bag after all,” she said to me. “Backpack,” I said. She slung it over her shoulder again and we kept on walking looking her normal self again. She was no longer in scary mode. “Why did he want to be my friend?” I asked. “He didn’t, he was hitting on you and wanted sex and I told him you were fifteen and he didn’t listen. He is probably a predator. Good thing I was here. It scares me to imagine what he would have done if you were here alone and he didn’t even care you insulted him and I couldn’t believe he would do this in front of me. He was drunk so maybe that’s why.” “How do you know he wanted sex?” “I could kiss you and go inside you,” Mom said imitating him. “Going inside you means have sex. I don’t trust random men and he was ugly as you said and he wanted to kiss you? Then he touched you. I know from experience and those are the signs he did and he didn’t even know you and he already wanted to kiss you and have sex. God. Creepy guy. Plus he was drunk and he tried to go after you but I was here. When you have kids, you see signs in men and I don’t want any creepy men near any of my children. If any of them hurt you, I will go insane and I will probably go to jail.” “Why?” I asked. “I would beat them and probably kill them.” “Why?” “They hurt you, I would want them dead and it will be one less child predator on earth.” We went in the shirt shop and looked around. You pick a design you want printed on a shirt and they make it for you. They have plain shirts for people to put prints on. I remember the time Dad, Kelly, Matthew, and I all got shirts for the whole family and it said I’m the father, I’m the Mother, I’m a big brother, I’m a big sister, I’m the little sister, I’m the little brother for each of us. You can probably guess which shirt was whose. I saw they had some video game characters and some letters for custom and other prints with words that had caption on them. They also had some Washington stuff too and some Saltwater stuff. One of them said Evergreen State and had the picture of the whole state and the other picture said Saltwater est. 1889. That was the same year Washington became a state. “Can I help you with anything?” the cashier asked. “No we’re just looking,” I said. After we were done looking, I looked in the toy store next that was next store to the shop. They sold Legos, Knex, Calico Critters, board games, puzzles, Wee Sing tapes, activity books, workbooks, Ty Beanies, Play Doh, building sets, Brio Trains. Things were a bit pricey in here but not everything. The cashier in there was looking at us and she eve came and looked at me as if she were checking on me. They even sold baby toys here too and pretend play stuff. I still like looking at toys even though I don’t really play with them anymore. I liked the key chains more because they were mini board games. One of them was sorry, the other was Operation, the other was Yahtzee, one was barrel of monkeys, one of them was a baby toy keychain and you could actually play with them and they had game pieces. One of them was also Play Doh and the other was a Lite Brite. I wanted to buy them all and I felt like stealing them because I didn’t have the money to buy them all. I didn’t even notice I had wet myself until I felt warmth in my crotch. “Are you done looking in here?” Mom asked. “No,” I said. I kept looking at the key chains and then Mom told me she was going to find a bathroom and she was leaving my backpack here with me. The store didn’t have one for customers so Mom had to leave the store. I couldn’t imagine having to find a bathroom just to pee but it is annoying finding one to change my diaper. I looked at the Knex and the Legos. We had some at home, I also looked at the Brio trains. We had some at home too. Wee Sing tapes, we had few of those at home. The store also sold other children tapes and some of them were Raffi. We have two of the tapes at home. We used to have three but my tape player ate one of them when I was five or six. I hate cassette tapes because they get eaten too easily and sometimes they get eaten so badly, you have to rip the film or cut it to get it out and throw the tape away. I like CDs better. Mom came back as I was looking at the Ty Beanies. “I almost didn’t make it,” she said. “Are you done yet?” “No,” I said. “Let me know when you are.” I kept on looking and I saw Mom looking at children books. My tummy was grumbling from hunger. I put the toy back and told Mom I was ready to go. “Finally,” she said. She put the book back and we left. We kept on walking pass boring places. They were businesses or just things I was not interested in. Then Mom said. “Oh let’s stop here.” She pointed to the old building we were in front of. It said Rat Place on the window. Mom opened the door and we went inside. “Why do they call it Rat Place? What do they sell? Rats?” I joked. “No, they sell antiques, electronics, and a bunch of other stuff,” Mom corrected. “Mom, I was joking,” I said. We looked around. The building was three stories high. I even saw signs saying “Smile, you’re on camera.” I was in the toy section looking at the old 101 Dalmatians Happy Meal toys on the second floor. I looked at the other toys too. There were some Strawberry Shortcake toys, Polly Pockets, old Barbie dolls, Fisher Price toys, action figures, and books. As I looked at the puzzles, I spotted Barney sitting on the shelf with other stuffed animals. “Hey lady, come give me a big hug,” he said. Oh shut the fuck up. I walked over to him and ticked him in the eye. I went back to the puzzles and looked at them some more. Then I saw a Barney puzzle. “Come give me a big hug,” he said. I buried the puzzle under a bunch of other puzzles. I looked at the books until I spotted a Barney book. “Come give me a big hug,” he said. I threw the book. After I was done looking at the toys, I looked at some old magazines. As I was looking at a Parenting one, I saw an ad of a toy Barney instrument for little kids. “Come give me a big huh,” said Barney. I threw the magazine down. Can I have some fun being in this store without having to see that green and purple t-rex? Everywhere I look, there he is in front of my face. I went to the third floor to see what was up. It was just old furniture. I’m not interested looking at furniture. I never was. I went back to the first floor and looked around some more. At the checkout counter I saw a bunch of old video games on the shelf behind it. The lady gave them to me to look at when I told her I wanted to look at them. I looked at the Super Nintendo games and Sega Genesis games. “How much do these cost?” I asked. The lady pointed at the video game prices on the counter.
Atari games 25c Nes Games 75c Super NES games $1.50 Sega Master Games $ 95c Sega Genesis games $1.00 Nintendo 64 games $5.00-$10.00 Playstation games $3.00 Sega CD games $2.00 Sega Saturn games $4.00 Game Boy games $1.00-$7.00
“Why are these games cheap?” I asked. “Because we’re trying to get rid of them,” the lady replied. I saw Barney Hide N’ Seek game with the other Sega games. “Come give me a big hug,” he said. “Ew,” I said. I slammed the game down on the counter with the label facing down. “Whoa, be careful with those games,” the lady warned. “Or you’ll be buying them.” “Oh sorry,” I said. “I just don’t like Barney that’s all.” “Well be careful.” Then something touched me on my right shoulder. I jumped a little bit inside. It was only Mom’s hand. “Hey what did you find?” she asked. “Video games,” I replied. “We’re selling them for cheap because we have too many of them,” said the lady. “And here are the prices right here,” I pointed. Mom looked at them. “Oh wow,” she said. “Maybe my daughter can help. Find what you want Natalie.” I was shocked. I thought Dad said he and Mom aren’t going to buy us anymore video games. Well Dad was going to now because of our deal but Mom? “Really?” I said. “I thought Dad said you guys weren’t going to buy us anymore video games but I’m glad you guys changed your mind.” “That’s because video games cost a lot of money but these games here aren’t a lot. A dollar fifty for a video game? That’s very cheap.” “Do these games work?” I asked the lady. “I don’t know but they’ve been cleaned and tested so they should work.” “Maybe you should only get one,” said Mom. “Mom,” I said. “Some of these games might not work so I don’t want to waste any money.” “These games are guaranteed. Everything in this store is. If you buy something and it doesn’t work, you can take it back,” said the lady. I picked out some video games. “How about if someone bought something here and decided he or she didn’t like it or decided it wasn’t worth having, can he or she return it?” Mom asked. “Oh sure. They’re all guaranteed nonetheless.” “How many days do we have to return it?” “Five.” “Five. That’s not very long.” “I know. That’s the owner’s decision. I don’t make the rules.” “Did you find what you want Natalie,” Mom asked. “Yeah. I found Revolution X, Barbie Super Model, Battletoads/Double Dragon, James Bond, Bart Simpson’s Nightmare, Fun N Games, Pinocchio, and Pac-Man,” I replied. The lady added up all the games. “Okay that’ll be nine dollars and fifty cents please?” “Oooo I have just enough money,” said Mom. She opened her purse and gave the lady her ten dollar bill. The lady put the money in the cash register and gave Mom back two quarters. “Thank you,” she said. “Have a nice day,” said the lady. Mom and I left. “What do you say Natalie?” Mom asked after we left the store. “Uh, thank you?” I guessed. “You’re welcome.” I got the answer right. We walked on the other block for more shops and places. Then I saw two officers standing up ahead. I wonder if those were the ones who arrested me. I couldn’t remember what they looked like. “Mom, are those The Keystone Cops?” I asked pointing at them. I held onto her arm. I felt nervous seeing them. Mom looked at them and the officers looked at us. They looked at us as we walked by and didn’t say anything. I looked at the police car. The officers looked at us still and still didn’t say anything. I felt better. We saw the movie theater with a small parking lot next to it and behind it. I saw the bowling alley and the library. “Mom, I’m hungry,” I said. “We’re going to have to go home and eat because I spent last of my money on your games,” she said. We kept on walking. We got back to our car and Mom unlocked it and we got in. Mom drove home. I had not seen that creepy guy once after Mom chased him off. Maybe he fled the downtown area because Mom scared him. Mom told me a lesson about creepy guys and what signs to look for. The discussion lasted all the way home and we were still talking about it when we got home. She asked me to let Skippy out so he could go to the bathroom. We have him well trained so we are able to keep him inside when we’re gone. He is either in the garage or the laundry room or the whole house. He knows to not sit or lay or stand on any furniture and we leave food and water out for him and he knows to go outside. Plus he has his dog bed in the laundry room. Skippy ran down the porch stairs and out in the yard. I saw him go to one of our trees and he lifted his leg up at the stump and peed. Then he put his leg down and walked away and I thought he was going to come back up the stairs bit he squatted and I saw he was taking a dump. I just sat in the family room with the TV on channel surfing seeing what was on TV as we still talked about creepy men. Then I heard Skippy whimpering. “Can you let him in now,” Mom asked. I got up and opened the door and he came inside. I closed the door and sat back down. I checked what was playing on Nickelodeon, Foxfamily, Disney, ToonDisney, Comedy Central, TNT, Superstation (TBS for short), USA, MTV, VH1, BBC America, Cartoon Network, Lifetime, OWN, LMN, AMC, TV Land and all the other channels. I noticed Eastenders was playing on BBC America. That show is full of drama. People are always fighting and so are families and there is always issues going on. I didn’t feel like watching it so I turned channels and went back to Nickelodeon. Franklin was on. “Gee how am I going to remember all this?” I said. “It took me a while to learn too,” said Mom. “I know it’s hard but I hope you learn it sooner than I did. But thanks to my lack of trust in guys, I never went alone with them or let any of them touch me and I didn’t like them talking to me either so I always would be nasty as possible to them so they would run off or tell them my secret. Maybe you should have told the guy you wear diapers but I bet he wouldn’t care if he was a predator. All he wanted was sex and I bet he was trying to lure you to go with him and he would have hurt you.” “Why would he do that with you around?” I asked. “Because he is an idiot. He was drunk and people are dumb when they’re drunk. Even your father says stupid things when he is drunk and says things that are personal and private and if he has had too much, he pees in strange places and one time he couldn’t even walk he would wet his pants because he couldn’t hold it. He never got that drunk again.” “When did he do that?” I asked. “Back in 1976 and he was so humiliated he never got that drunk again and didn’t go back to any drinking parties with his friends and he lost them.” “Why?” “Because that was all they wanted to do, drink and get drunk and they didn’t have anything in common anymore. Plus he was breaking the law because the drinking age was twenty one back then too in the state we lived in. He was very lucky he never got caught and your Aunt Elizabeth and I had to come and get him when they called us.” “Why did they call you?” “Because he was so drunk he was throwing up and they didn’t want that there and he wet his pants. He just learned some friends they were for abandoning him like that and they left him outside on the sidewalk and luckily no one called the cops and none of them saw him when they drove by so when we got there, we both had to picked him off the ground and help him get to the car and we took care of him all night long.” “Why did they leave him outside?” I asked. “Because they were jerks. They were all drinking and they got him to drink that much and left him like that and I bet if he did get arrested, they wouldn’t have come forward and even help him out of jail and even admit they were all drinking. Instead they just drove him somewhere and dumped him off and left him there so they wouldn’t get caught. Leaving him in front of their house would have led the police into their home and catch them if they saw him out there.” “Wouldn’t he just say where the drinking was at if the police did see him?” “No because he was so drunk he wouldn’t be able to tell them. He could barely respond to his name.” “But wouldn’t he have told the police after he was done being drunk?” “He didn’t want to get caught so he never told them. But it was a good lesson he learned. Better than crashing into the bank and going to jail and waiting for charges. I think the effects of alcohol may have changed.” “Why?” “Because he’s older. He didn’t get moody when we were young. He would be more hyper and more energetic and now he is throwing and breaking things now and having bad tempers.”
Mom finished making our lunch and told me it was ready. I got up and grabbed my plate and ate it in the family room watching Franklin. Mom and I had talked more about the red flags in guys and to make it more simple for me, she told me a guy shouldn’t make comments about my boobs or even bring up sex when they don’t know me or even touch my bottom or even put their arm around me or try and touch me and if they’re ugly, don’t trust them but even if they are handsome, still don’t trust them.” “Then how am I supposed to get a boyfriend?” I asked. “Be friends with them, but not some random stranger you met in the streets. It’s someone you know from work or at school or in a group or a neighbor you know but it’s all risky. It’s not like in a movie where two strangers meet and then they hang out and go to their home. That is a no no in real life.” “But didn’t you say kids in your school hurt you?” I asked. “Yeah but they were mean kids and I was naïve and I didn’t listen to my mother. That is why I worry about you. You’re trusting, innocent, and I felt proud of you when you told that man you were not interested and told him he was ugly but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Who knows what he would have done if I weren’t there.” “So why do you let me go off on my own if you’re so worried about me?” I asked. “I am not going to be like my mother and make you live a sheltered life and you never learn because I am so worried some creep will pray on you and take you and rape you or take something from you like your money or your Gameboy or try and trick you into committing a crime. Besides I don’t think you’re that dumb. I doubt you will leave the store or mall when some stranger asks you to go with them and I bet you won’t get in the car with them either or let some kid borrow your Gameboy. I am surprised no one has taken it yet.” “I always kept it with me,” I said. “See, you’re smart. But you do know it can still be taken even if you are right there.” “How so?” “Ever heard of pickpockets? Those people are sneaky and they work in groups. They will try and distract you while the other person may reach into your bag you have on or into your purpose or coat pocket. If you’re in a crowded area, people will push their bodies against you and you wouldn’t even know someone is opening your bag and taking out your wallet or phone or passport or anything valuable and you would be surprised how sneaky they are. It’s like doing magic tricks, they learn how to snatch something from you in less than a second and you wouldn’t even know until you reach for it and find it’s not there. So be careful when bringing your Gameboy to school. Kids could try and take it from you and try and distract you while they have their friend digging in your coat pocket. Plus kids have broken into your locker.” “It was only Veronica,” I corrected. “But it still happened.” Back in the beginning of October, Veronica had someone figure out my locker combination and she came and opened it and planted her brother’s old stuffed Barney in there. Nothing was taken out of it, only a foreign item was placed in it. I had to get a new combination. I didn’t know how many other kids also knew the combination and I did not feel safe with my stuff in there. After I was done eating, Franklin has already ended so I was channel surfing again. I did not want to see Doug next because I had seen all the episodes too many times. I even quit watching the old Rugrats episodes because I am also tired of them and the animation look terrible. I watched Pop Up video on VH1. I love that music show because they have facts pop up on screen as the music video plays. They played Madonna, Sugar Ray, Red hot Chilli Peppers, Jennifer Lopez, and Lauryn Hill. I was familiar with Madonna and Sugar Ray but not the other singers and group. After the show ended, I put my plate in the sink and took my pill and went upstairs. I got on the computer and went on AOL and went on the incontinent forum again. But when I got there, I got the message saying “The person of this forum has disallowed your IP address from accessing this forum.” I started to feel panic. I knew what an IP was. It’s something all internet users have and it’s used to trace people when they do threats online and to kick someone off the board, the owner of the board has to put in their IP and it keeps them from seeing the board. I assume the owners can see all our IPs and so can companies that own websites. Why would I be kicked off the forum? I didn’t do anything. My heart beat fast and I felt sweat forming in my sweat glands. I twirled my hair and rocked in my chair. I went onto Diaper Story’s and posted a thread on there asking people to go to the other board and ask the owner why me, Incontinent Natalie, is banned and I posted the web address. I didn’t need to say what name I was on the other board because I use the same name. I tried to relax so I read posts on the Diaper Story’s board and I couldn’t wait to get an answer why.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 18, 2013 21:31:19 GMT
Chapter 9
I discovered my diaper had leaked when I stood up. What? Why would it leak? I was double diapered and it should have lasted me all day. I was also messy because I had a messy accident while reading the Diaper Story’s board. I tried to keep my mind off not being able to be on the incontinent board by doing a Daily Jigsaw on shockwave and I still felt lost and desolate inside because of a board I couldn’t get to. It felt like I was having a bad day because I couldn’t wait until I found out why I was kicked off the forum. I kept going back to the other board and seeing what responses I got and I would feel like screaming when no one answered yet. Maybe they posted on the other board already telling the owner about my post I made and he hasn’t seen it yet. I stayed in my wet and messy diaper and would take care of it later and clean the chair. I didn’t find it odd Kelly didn’t come home and sit on her bed to do homework like she always did after school because it was the weekend and she had all weekend to do it. In fact I had not heard her at all nor seen her. My diaper felt really wet too for some reason. Have I really peed this much? I stood up again and took off my overalls and took off the first diaper and I saw it was barely even wet but the first one was totally soaked. So the holes Kelly poked in my diapers didn’t make my diaper last longer, maybe I should rip it open before putting on another one. I kicked my overalls aside and took off the diapers and threw them away. I grabbed another one Kelly poked holes in and grabbed another diaper from the opened pack and took them to the bathroom with me. I washed the poop off my butt and turned it off when I was done. I dried off and ripped the diaper open and put it on and I put the other one on. I grabbed the hand towel and got it wet and went back to my room with it. I wiped the chair and grabbed a clean pair of pants and put them on. My butt looked big again from the diapers. It looked obvious I had diapers on and I didn’t care because I was home. I put my overalls with my dirty clothes and went downstairs to get my new games. I looked for them in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure where Mom put them. She saw me. “You will want to change those pants or wear a longer shirt,” said Mom. “Matthew is bringing his new friend here.” “The weird one?” I asked. “Hey, let’s be nice. Yes that kid he was talking about this week. I want you to be nice to him and no giving him a hard time. I don’t need you scaring him off just because other kids have been mean to you so you dump it all on him to feel normal like you used to do to your brother.” “I won’t,” I said. “Where are my games?” Mom walked over to the computer desk and picked the bag up and set them on the counter. “Thanks,” I grabbed them and took them upstairs. Just then, Matthew and his friend came in through the front door. I ran upstairs so he wouldn’t see I was wearing diapers. The mother came inside following them. The friend had bushy blonde hair and he looked shy and he had on a t shirt and a pair of jeans. I was just peeking around the corner at the entry way looking down the staircase. “Where is your mother, I need to talk to her,” said the mom. “Mom,” Matthew shouted. “Chris’s mom wants to talk to you.” Mom came in the hallway. “Hi,” Mom held her hand out. “Finally we meet in person.” Chris’s Mom shook her hand. “There are things I need to tell you.” She started talking to my mother. I don’t know what she was saying because I didn’t care because I wasn’t interested in knowing so I didn’t ask or even try and listen in on their conversation. I headed to my room. Matthew and Chris came upstairs. Matthew was telling him about the rooms upstairs. “That is my sisters’ room, that is my room, that room there is the bathroom, that is my brother’s old bedroom and my parents’ bedroom,” he was pointing to the rooms. I just poked my head back in my room. I still had no answer why I was kicked off the forum so I felt all unhappy inside and couldn’t relax. I changed my pants and put something else on trying to hide my diaper. My butt looked big nonetheless and it didn’t matter, Chris would just think I have a big butt. Matthew’s door was closed so I couldn’t hear them play in there. I played Pinocchio. I didn’t find the game too bad. I had to watch for flying segals and smoke from chimneys and kids and of course the cat and the fox. I don’t know why the fox and cat were trying to hurt me if they took him to the puppet show in the movie. Then when I was done playing the game, I took it out and put in Battletoads/Double Dragon to see if it worked. It did and I put in Revolution X next and it also worked after I put the game in twice. Then I grabbed the Sega games and went in Matthew’s room but they were playing Streets of Rage. I always love watching other people play video games so I sat down and watched trying to get my mind off the message board and waiting until they were through playing. Chris didn’t even talk and he was very quiet and Matthew was doing most of the talking. They were fighting in the street and one of them called for the police car to come and it shot fire balls and killed the bad guys. I just looked at the books as I watched them play. Then Chris did say something. “How do we beat these guys, they’re all gaining up on us,” he whined. “That is what the car is for,” said Matthew. “It won’t let me,” Chris whined. “That’s because you used it.” “You talked finally,” I said. “It really does sound like you whine when you talk. I also heard you have a teacher with you all the time, why?” Chris didn’t answer so I asked again and Matthew reminded me he doesn’t really answer questions. I asked why again and Matthew shrugged his shoulders. “Why does it sound like he whines when he talks?” Matthew shrugged again. “Stop making fun of me,” Chris cried. “She isn’t,” said Matthew. “She is just asking.” “How am I making fun of him?” I asked. “He thinks everyone is making fun of him,” said Matthew. “Why?” “I don’t know. Maybe when you get bullied too much, you think everyone is bullying you.” “I never thought everyone was bullying me when I got bullied,” I said. He really was weird. “Why is a teacher with your friend all the time?” I asked Matthew. “Leave me alone,” his friend shouted. “Gee, you’re bad,” I said. I hated him. He was mean and not nice. I didn’t want him in my house and I did tell Mom I was not going to scare him off but I changed my mind. “No I’m not, you are,” he said. “No I’m not you are,” I whined. “Cut it out you two,” said Matthew. “Stop,” Chris screamed. “Stop,” I said back imitating his voice. “Stop it you two,” Matthew shouted. “I will if he will first,” I said. “I didn’t do anything,” Chris cried. “She always gets like this so ignore her,” said Matthew. “I do not. All I did was ask some questions and you accuse me of making fun of you and I don’t like people who accuse me of doing things I didn’t do so I hate them all,” I said to Chris. I put my hand over his eyes and he pinched my arms and then Mom opened the door. “What is going on, I heard shouting.” “She’s being mean to me,” Chris cried pointing at me. “So you can answer questions,” I said. “Natalia Elizabeth Evans, what did I say about you being nice to him?” Mom shouted. “Didn’t I tell you to not give him a hard time and not to scare him off and not go to dumping your problems on him just because other kids do it to you?” “He started it,” I said. Mom came in and grabbed me. “That is what they all said when I was in school,” she said as she pulled me out of the room. “He said I was making fun of him and I wasn’t,” I said. “Is that why you were mean to him?” “No he was mean to me first,” I said. “No I wasn’t,” Chris shouted “Yes you were,” I said back. “You’re just a dumb blonde.” “Knock it off,” said Mom. She closed Matthew’s door behind us. “How was he being mean to you?” Mom asked. “I asked Matthew some questions about him and he said to stop making fun of him and Matthew told him I wasn’t and then I asked another question and he accused me again after my brother had told him I was not. So he was mean.” “Natalie, he doesn’t understand things well. He doesn’t know when he isn’t being made fun of and when he is. It’s like a guessing game for him.” “But Matthew said I wasn’t making fun of him so he knew now,” I said. Mom shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. His mind is too different.” “Why?” “Just is,” said Mom. “Why do you learn different? Why do dyslexic people see words backwards? It’s just the way it is. Just stay away from him because it looks like your problems do not go well together. I’m sorry I got mad at you.” I stayed away from the boy for the rest of the evening. I saw him as dangerous and scary. How could Matthew be with him? Doesn’t the boy treat him bad too like he did with me? I just went in my room and played Revolution X. Then I noticed my crotch was damp. How did my diaper leak so quick? I paused the game and took my pants off and saw I had peed through the diaper. I took them off and got cleaned up and ripped open another diaper and put it on and grabbed another good diaper and put it on. I put on another clean pair of pants and put my wet ones with the dirty clothes again. I went back to playing my game. Then I paused it and got back on the computer to see if they have said yet why I was banned. I got back on the story forum and checked my question and I got a response. The person who responded told me it’s possible when the owner banned the IP, it banned me because we both shared the same IP and it happens sometimes with the internet. A person does something wrong on a website and they get banned, other people in the same building or home are unable to access it because they all had the same IP. I wondered if it was possible Kelly got on the forum and did something on it and she got banned and it banned me too. I went downstairs to look for her but she wasn’t around. “Where’s Kelly?” I asked Mom. “She went to a friends,” said Mom. “She will be back late.” “Oh.” I felt disappointed, now I was going to have to wait until she got home just to ask her if she went on the forum and did something on it. “What time will she be back?” “At nine.” I went back upstairs and went back to my game. Soon Mom came in my room and told me she cooked pizza for us and then she went in Matthew’s room and told them the same. They came out of their rooms before me and I headed downstairs but Chris was blocking my pathway. I told him excuse me and he refused to move so I said it louder and he still didn’t move so I pushed him aside and said “I said excuse me, jeez,” I yelled. “Natalie,” Matthew yelled. “I said excuse me and he wouldn’t move,” I said. “I don’t need this in my own home like I had in school.” “Is there a competition for who gets to the food first?” Matthew asked. “No,” I said. “So why are you in such a hurry?” “I don’t need your mean friend blocking me,” I said. “He’s not mean. You are.” I shoved him on the stairs and he fell back. “Hey hey hey,” Mom shouted as she came to the staircase. “What has gotten into you Natalie?” “He was blocking me,” I pointed at Chris. “She pushed me,” said Matthew. “He accused me of being mean when I was defending myself,” I said. “Was Chris keeping you from going downstairs?” Mom asked me. “Yes,” I said. “Was he going down the stairs?” Mom asked again. “Yes,” I said. “So you were wrong for pushing him Natalie, he was not holding you, you could have been patient and wait until he was down the stairs. It was mean so your brother is right.” Now Mom was siding against me. Ever since this Chris kid got here, Mom had changed. It always happened at school too, kids would be mean to me and teachers would side with them. Now Mom was doing it. I just started crying and ran to my room deciding to not eat. I slammed my door hard. This was the worst day ever, first the forum and now this. I couldn’t wait until the kid left and I was hoping he will never come back. I hid under my covers and cried. I heard Matthew coming back upstairs later with the kid and they passed my bedroom and went back to his room. I never came out of my room. Then Mom came in. “Ready to apologize?” Mom asked. “For what?” I said. I refused to look at her. “For what happened on the stairs.” “I don’t need to apologize,” I said. “I already told you he was not keeping you from going downstairs and you pushed him so you were in the wrong, not him.” “You just don’t get it, he was going slow just to keep me up here,” I said. “You think he was deliberately going down the stairs slow just to make you mad? I don’t think that is what he was doing.” “You don’t believe me,” I cried. “No, you don’t get it,” said Mom. “I don’t know what else to do to make you get it. You keep thinking people who walk slow in front of you are doing it on purpose to keep you from passing by.” “They choose to walk slow. If someone wants to get by, you get out of the way and how can it not be on purpose if you don’t get out of the way? That is so illogical.” Mom sighed again. “I am not going to force you to apologize because I want you to mean it, not say it just so you can leave this room.” “So I’m stuck in here,” I said. “No, I know if I keep you in here unless you apologize, you will not mean it if you say it. This new friend isn’t going so well is it? If you want to mope in here for the rest of the night you can, at least it will keep you two separated.” Mom then left my room. Was I stuck in here or not? I wasn’t sure if Mom meant I was supposed to stay in my room until I apologize or apologize if I want to leave my room. I didn’t care if I stayed in my room. At least I wouldn’t have to be around that boy and I hope he never comes in here. “Mom,” I heard Matthew say. “You would rather waste your whole evening playing video games with your friend than doing other things like play outside or play a board game or play with your toys?” I heard Mom saying. I got on the computer and read another diaper story I found. The Double Life of Ariel Crawford. It had many chapters to it. By then the chair was dry so I was sitting on it. Soon Mom left to get Dad and she left us kids home alone. She told us she was heading to town to get Dad and to answer the door if the doorbell rings because Chris’s mother will be coming for him. Mom also told me to not give Chris any trouble while she is gone or she is taking away the Nintendo and computer for the whole weekend. At least I still had Sega and Game Boy but Mom said she will take those too when I mentioned at least I still had those. Mom just loves to use those as a weapon to control me. The boy’s mother came to get her son just before Mom and Dad got home. She was waiting for them when they walked in the door. I just stayed upstairs and I heard them talking. Then I heard the mother calling for Christopher. She called him about three times before he and Matthew came downstairs. I got back on the board again to see if the owner had said yet why he kicked me off the forum. I still heard nothing and I felt like screaming and hitting the screen. This was the worst day ever. I guess I don’t like all weird people if weird is going to mean be mean to people. So I guess the kids in my old school were weird. I looked at the time and saw it was seven ten. I was starving but I didn’t care. I kept on reading and I heard a car door slam outside and the engine running. I was happy he was finally gone. I did a little dance in my room. I was celebrating of him leaving and I hoped this will be his only time here and he didn’t want to come back because of me. Then there was a knock at the door. “What?” I said. “I need to talk to you,” said Dad. “Is it alright if I come in?” I stopped dancing and opened the door. Dad came in and shut the door. “I heard you had a little trouble with the guest today,” he said. “Care to explain?” He sat on my bed. “I was just curious about him and he said I was making fun of him when all I was doing was asking questions about him and Matthew told him I was not making fun of him and he didn’t listen. He still accused me of it and I got mad at him for it and start mimicking him and then Mom came in his room and she got mad at me when the boy said I was being mean to him. Then when we were all going downstairs for food, he was walking slowly keep me from going down the stairs and I said ‘excuse me’ and he wouldn’t move so I pushed him aside and Matthew got mad at me and called me mean for it and Mom took their side. I don’t like this kid. I hope he never comes back.” “He might if he is Matthew’s friend.” “Oh great,” I said. “My life is torture when he is here.” “Natalie, you have always been fast and you think everyone is slow. You had no reason to push this kid. He was just going down the stairs at his own pace and he wasn’t doing it to make you mad.” “But kids always would block me in the hallway in Junior High to try and make me late for class,” I said. “And were you going to class?” Dad asked. “You were just getting your food and there was no time limit to getting it.” “But he just wanted to keep me from getting my food,” I said. “You need to let go of your past,” said Dad. “You have always shoved kids aside whenever they were in your way so why do you think your mother didn’t buy you thought the kid was bullying you excuse? You have always done it since you could walk or crawl so being bullied had nothing to do with this. It took us years to teach you to not do it. You used to push Kelly down the stairs when you were four, you always pushed Matthew out of the way. When you were two you once pushed another kid off the playground equipment and when you were nine or ten months, you pushed another baby aside when you crawled. One time you wanted to get to the toilet and when one of the neighbor’s kids was done using it, instead of waiting for her to get done, you pushed her out of the way and started going. We would teach you and then you would just stand there and wait and if they didn’t move, you would push them. Then one day Mum goes to pick you up from preschool and you’re all on the playground and she sees other kids pushing you out of the way and she figured out no wonder we couldn’t teach you to not do it, other kids were doing it to you so you thought it was okay. It was just hard for all of us. Now you’re doing it again.” “He had no reason to go slow,” I said. “What the big deal moving aside to let me by?” I asked. Dad laughed. “Why did you need to go down the stairs fast?” “Why does he need to go down it slow?” I asked. “You expect everyone to be like you. You can’t always be fast or else people will start going slower just to make you mad because you’re being impatient. Look at what your mum does to tailgaters. People do the same thing in other things and when we were going miniature golfing, you kept saying hurry up, I’m bored, come on, and you didn’t want anyone taking their time. You just wanted to go go go. Your turn would come, you would go right to hitting the ball and then when your turn was over, you go right to waiting again. You’re like Sonic. Boom boom boom.” Dad moved his arms around as he made the boom sound. I was laughing. I pictured myself being Sonic the Hedgehog and I was going fast everywhere at places I had been to. “So you need to learn to be patient and slow down,” said Dad. “You have to remember, people going slow are not doing it to piss you off and you weren’t going to class and there was no time limit to getting your food when he was slowing you down so you can’t even compare the two. You have always had that personality in you.” “What personality? Me going fast?” I asked. “You have always been impatient and you have always pushed people. Then you start doing it again after the car accident and then again in junior high because kids were blocking you and you thought they were keeping you from going to class.” “They really were,” I said. “They would stand in front of me and I would try and go around them and they wouldn’t let me by so I started pushing them aside and everyone made it out to be my fault and then I was allowed to come to class late after all the hallways were cleared.” “I am sure they were just teasing you and you took it personally.” “They were making me late to class,” I said. “I didn’t see them doing it to anyone else and they were bullies so I started waiting until the hallways were cleared and be late to class anyway.” Dad sighed. “I guess we will never get through to you about this whole shoving thing. You’re too stuck on them being in your way, keeping you waiting, not letting you by, but if you do it to someone in public like to a stranger or to someone at work, that can get you fired and if you shoved a person in public, that can cause a fight because that person might get mad at you for shoving them and may shove you back. You never know who has a bad temper. They could start a fight with you. Maybe someday you will get it.” Dad got up. “You say that boy didn’t listen when Matthew told him you weren’t making fun of him, you’re not listening to us when we tell you about shoving people so you both have something in common and how many times have we told you so far he was not going slow to make you mad?” “I don’t know.” “Probably five times now and you’re still stuck on the bullying thing and junior high, well maybe that kid is still stuck on something so he didn’t listen to your brother so both of your issues clashed.” Dad then left my room. I always hate it when people compare me to other things. I still don’t see the big deal about moving aside when I said ‘excuse me.’ Does that mean now I don’t have to let anyone by if I am in a store looking or if I am walking and someone wants to look at something now and not wait until I am out of the way? Does that mean I don’t have to let someone by on the sidewalk if I am in their way and they want to walk faster than me? Wow new lesson I had learned. I don’t have to let people by if they say excuse me. They can just wait or go around. What is it with saying ‘excuse me’ if you have to wait? I thought you say it so people can get out of your way so you wouldn’t have to push them aside or be stuck behind them or have to go around or wait until they are out of the way. What a bunch of lies they taught me. What other things have I been taught that were also wrong? Or maybe the rule had changed and we don’t have to get out of the way anymore. I missed the old days.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 19, 2013 4:25:15 GMT
Chapter 10
I woke up the next day. Kelly was still sleeping. I got on the computer to see if there was any response yet about why I was kicked off the forum. Kelly had nothing to do with it because I asked her about it and she said “I don’t even go to any stupid message boards” and I asked her if she went on mine and did something on it and she said she didn’t even know how to get to them and I said I thought she would through internet history and she said she is too busy to even post on a message board. She even said if I got kicked off there maybe it was for my own good so creepy people will stop going after me. Kelly thinks people I talk to online are creepy. One of them has even shown me porn and what an orgasm actually is. Let’s just say it’s very gross and I hope I never see it and what people do with it. I still feel disgusted about it seeing those images in my head. I also can’t believe what men have women do with their penises and what woman would do with them. I hope my parents don’t do that. That is so sick. I checked the Diaper Story’s board and I had a new response. The owner had responded saying the forum is for people with medical incontinence and not for people who want to wear diapers or pretend to be or make themselves be and I had posted something indicating I was one of those diaper wannabes after having them fooled for a while and the fact I found my home on the Diaper Story’s board. I thought “Huh? What is he talking about?” What did he mean by I found my home here. I responded back asking what did he mean by I found my home and I really was incontinent and not by choice and if I could make myself have control, I would. I just started crying. I felt betrayed. How could they think I am one of those people? I never wanted to wear diapers. I never wanted to be incontinent and I never decided to get in the car accident nor did my mother decide to get hit by a drunk driver. If Kelly were sitting in the back, it would have been her with this problem not me. I wonder what would have happened if it was Matthew sitting back there. The car seat would have kept him in the same spot because it wouldn’t have moved. I remember it being an old car seat from when Kelly and I were little. Then he was in another one and I don’t really remember what it looked like. My heart was beating and I felt nauseated. I felt this was going to be another bad day. Things did not feel the same being on AOL. I just went downstairs to have breakfast. I had some Trix cereal. Then Matthew came down while I was eating. I was still md at him from yesterday so I pretended he wasn’t in the room. What’s worse is I heard the boy wanted to come back because no one had ever been on his side when I “picked on him” and Mom said she used to be a lot like him when she was little when she was in school with all the normal kids. I was glad Mom wasn’t like that boy anymore because I can’t imagine the boy being a parent. I just didn’t want him back over here because then Mom acts all different with him here and so does Matthew. It was like he had a curse. I was still hoping he wouldn’t be back for a while. I finished my breakfast and put the bowl in the sink and headed upstairs and got back on the computer staying in my wet diaper. I would change in a little bit. I read some posts on the Diaper Story’s board and then I found another website I saw the link to from someone’s post. She ran a website and it was about her pretending to be a little girl so she had little girl pictures and pictures of HIM. It was a guy pretending to be a girl and he was dressed up as a little girl and he looked weird looking because he was wearing girl clothes and tights and Mary Jane shoes. I saw he had a story section so the first one I read was The chronicles of Vickie. It started out with a little boy who wanted to be a little girl and wished he was a girl so his mother let him be one and she put him in preschool even though he was only eight. He also became Vickie for his girl’s name. I found it a bit different because I had never read a story about someone wanting to be a girl and going back to preschool instead of in their own grade they belong in but I still enjoyed it even if it was weird.
I finally changed later and put on a fresh diaper but I made sure to put the bad one on first so I wouldn’t get them mixed up again. Yesterday I put the good one on first and the bad one on second so that was why I peed though the diaper. Or it was another defective diaper but I probably got the diapers mixed up when I washed the poop off my butt. I took a good diaper out of the pack and put it on over the bad diaper. I put my pajamas back on and got back on the computer. Kelly then started to wake up. “Today is the day we get our own rooms and bye bye to this pee smell,” she said getting out of bed. She left our bedroom and I heard her asking Mom when do we start getting our own rooms. I thought I heard Dad’s voice. He must be off work today. I could barely smell the pee in our room. I stayed on the computer reading and I checked the message board again and saw I had another response to my question. It was the owner of the incontinent board again telling me people on his board have questioned my stories before and he always gave me the benefit of the doubt and it was finally confirmed my stories were fake and I was one of those people. I just felt upset all over again from when I first got his response. He said things I claim that happened to me were not plausible. I felt angry. I hated being called a liar when I am not even lying. I wonder what post made him think I was a liar and a diaper wannabe. I figured this was all happening because I am different and he decided to target me too. Even people online can tell I am different. It’s as if I have different written all over my posts. I made another post asking what post was it exactly I made that made him think I was a diaper wannabe and what did he mean by I found my home here (he didn’t answer that question so I asked him again). I didn’t know how I was going to prove I wasn’t lying. If I knew how to post pictures of my papers online about my incontinence I would do that. If I could post pictures of my back I would. That would show them I wasn’t lying. I felt my life was ending. No matter where I go, people will always treat me different and the whole world loved to be after me. Even at my new school I will be picked on. Bad stuff always happens to me. I tried to keep my mind off it but I couldn’t stop going back seeing if got any new responses. “Are you going to be done with the computer?” Kelly asked coming in our bedroom. “Why?” I asked. “You have been on it all morning and I want to use it.” “Okay,” I said. I kept looking on AOL and Kelly was just standing there. “Well?” she said folding her arms. I kept reading online and then she said. “When are you getting off?” “When I am done,” I said. “Okay I will translate. I want to use the computer and I want you to get off.” “You can use it when I am done,” I said. “See this is what I was taking about in my letter. You only think of yourself and I have to live around you.” “So every time I want to do something and someone else is doing it, they have to get off and let me?” I asked. “No,” said Kelly. “You just twist things.” “So I don’t have to get off then.” Kelly just left the room saying never mind. She is so silly. So that is what me being selfish and only caring about myself is all about. It’s just me minding my own business doing my things and I suppose everyone else is being selfish and caring about themselves too when they do things they like. So if a kid is swinging on the swings and I want to swing, he is being selfish. If kids are playing with a toy I want to play with, they are being selfish. Kelly is so silly and I was taught I had to wait until they were done. Now it makes me selfish? Didn’t anyone ever teach her that? I did a Daily Jigsaw on Shockwave and did some bowling on there. They have a bowing game. Then Dad knocked on my door and told me he had donuts down there for everyone. “Why aren’t you at work?” I asked. “It’s my day off and it’s going to be family day.” “What about getting our own room?” I asked. “We’ll work on that too.” “When?” “Later. You, Kelly, and I are all going to work on it.” “What time?” Dad sighed. “I don’t know. You always want a time table and it’s so damn hard for me to figure out the time.” “Why?” “It just is. You never know what can happen and then you get mad if it doesn’t happen so I can’t give you the time. It’s just later and that is all I am going to say. Have you figured out who is moving out of here?” “Yes,” I said. Dad left my room and I heard him calling for Kelly telling her she owes him thirty bucks for the diapers she damaged and asked if she had forked over the money yet. Soon Kelly came in our room and she got her safe out and put in her combination and took her cash out and took some money and put the rest back and closed it. “This sucks,” she said. “All my good money I earned.” “You have more,” I pointed out. “This is my whole day worth of my earnings,” she said. “I can’t believe they’re making me pay for your diapers to replace.” “You poked holes in them,” I said. “You got my clothes wet.” “Which I had to dry and put away,” I said. “And did they make you pay for the extra electricity they had to use for you to do that?” “No.” “See, no fair. You get the easy consequences and I don’t.” “I think paying for them is easy because at least you’re not grounded or lost any privileges,” I said “But I am losing my money. Oh that’s right, you wouldn’t care so you think this is no big deal.” Actually I would care if I had to pay a fine. Less money for video games and anything I want and I am still paying for the window I broke at my old school. When Veronica threw her crutch at me, I picked it up and threw it back at her but I missed and it hit the window and broke it. It only left a big crack but my parents had to pay for it. “I am paying for the window,” I reminded her. “Oh yeah, and you had to fork over your whole entire allowance and I am not losing all of it so you think this is no big deal.” “It’s not,” I said. “Thirty bucks is a lot of money for how much I get!” Kelly shouted. “At least you don’t pay taxes.” “I have to pay sales tax unless I go to Portland,” said Kelly. “And you think I have easy consequences, I think not getting any allowance is tough,” I said. “Whatever.” Kelly left the room with her money. I checked the message board again and still no new response. I got up and went downstairs to get a donut. I grabbed the filled one. My favorite. I only took one because I already had breakfast and I didn’t want to get fat. I took it back upstairs with me. I saw Kelly shoving her cash in Dad’s hand. “Here, my whole entire day earned salary of babysitting,” she said. “Thank you,” said Dad. “Gee Natalie, why did you have to tell on me,” Kelly said when she came back to our room. “Mom wanted to know why my butt was big,” I said. “And you had to tell her what I did to your diapers?” “I wanted her to know why I had two on and I said you did it before the meeting and she didn’t care.” “You always get people into trouble with your big mouth because you don’t know when to quit talking.”
I read another diaper story and then Dad called Kelly and me. I got off the computer and went to Dad. He was in Brian’s old room. “Okay, we are going to start moving you now in here. Who is moving in here?” “Me,” I said. “Kelly has decided to stay in her room, okay. Now you and Matthew are going to be neighbors now.” Dad looked at the empty room. “Okay, first we will do is start moving your clothes in here, we can always build new shelves in the closet to fit your clothes better and we will decide who keeps the dresser and Kelly will have all that closet space for her clothes so we may take all her clothes out of the dresser and move it in here for your clothes.” Dad told me more plans we will do and Kelly was already in the room listening. Then we got to work. I started with moving my diapers in here and I kept the bad ones separated from the good ones. Then I started taking my clothes out of the closet. Matthew saw what we were doing. Dad asked him if he wanted to help and he said no. Kelly pulled the TV set and the Nintendo out of our bedroom and pushed it to my new bedroom. I started stripping my bed and I brought them to Brian’s old bedroom and stripped the bed in there and put my sheets on there. “Natalie, we still have your old bed under the house, we can always get that out and put it together if you want to use it,” said Dad. The bed I used to sleep on got put away after we got bunk beds. I hadn’t used it since I was eight. It was a twin bed with a cover over it. It was like a tent. “Okay, when do we get it out?” I asked. “Now,” said Dad. “But first we’ll take this bed apart so take your sheets off.” I pulled them off the bed again and the rubber sheet and threw them on the floor. Dad left and went under the house. I followed him. He turned on the light and I saw all the stuff we had under here. Dad moved a box aside and I opened it to see what was in it and saw it was our old children books. I started digging in it but Dad got my attention. “Don’t start making a mess,” he said. I saw some Disney books and some Arthur books and Berenstain Bears and Dr. Seuss and a book called Sally’s Room and other books. It brought back memories from when I was little. Dad called me again telling me to grab one of the end of the beds. I helped him carry it out and he told me to lay it against the house. We went back under the house and we carried more out. Then we had the whole entire bed out of the house. There were the edges to the bed and the top and the base the mattress lays on. Dad went back up the stairs and he took his shoes off as he went back inside and left them by the door. He would normally put them away but he was going back out so he left them there. I took mine off too and he headed out to the garage to get the tools to take the bed apart and he had to look for the pieces to my old bed. I went back upstairs and moved the rest of my stuff to my new bedroom. I was surprised Kelly had already been moving my other stuff in there. She had all my books in there and CDs, cassette tapes, books, my TY Beanies and diaper pail. I wasn’t happy she messed it all up and she said she wanted her own room and wants it done quicker and I can reorganize it. It’s part of moving. I got my other stuff and brought it to my new room. Then Dad came back with the stuff. “Kids, don’t move everything in here yet, we still have furniture to move in here, oh great, look at this mess,” he said. “Move it out of the way.” He pushed my CD cases aside with his foot. Then he walked into the board games and they fell over. “Ow, this is why, Kelly.” He kicked those aside too. He started to take the bed apart and told us to help him. After it was taken apart, we took a break and had lunch. Dad needed a break because he said he is an old man now and he needs to rest more than Kelly and I do. We both wanted to keep going but he said he needed a break and he isn’t young anymore. I would think forties is still too young to get tired easily. I think he just didn’t want to work anymore so he used his age as an excuse claiming to be tired. Then he said “Let’s just eat and then we’ll get back to work. That will give me a break and if I could have a sip of beer, I would do better and get better sleep.” “Have a five star energy drink and take a sleeping pill,” said Kelly. I pulled some ice cream out for lunch but Dad told me have something else besides sweets. I just put it away and had a bowl of yogurt. It was sweet enough for me. Dad said that was much better. I remembered to take my pill and I headed back upstairs and tried out one of the Sega games I got. It was James Bond The Duel and Timothy Dalton portrayed Bond in it. It was like one of those fighting games except I ran with a gun and had to shoot people instead of beating them up and I had to rescue women by touching them. They were tied and James would untie them and they would run off. Then my name was called again and we got back to work. We carried the bed out in the hall and set it against the wall in the hallway. Then we all went outside with our shoes on and brought my old bed up. It took us four trips to do it. Then we had to carry out the old bed and put it under the house. He said we would deal with the mattress later. We put my old bed together and we took my mattress off my old bunk bed and put it on my bed in my new bedroom that used to be Brian’s. Dad told Kelly they can always buy her a new mattress and she doesn’t have friends over anyway so she doesn’t need a new mattress right now. Kelly stopped complaining. I made my bed again and I put my bras and socks in the dresser that was already in here and my underwear I have worn over my diapers. I also stuck my panty hose in the dresser too and slips I had. I also put my shorts in there too and some of my t shirts. I put my other clothes in the closet on the floor and hung my dresses up and sweaters. I put my diapers on the top shelf. Dad and Kelly just left me alone with my new room. I heard him and Kelly move the mattress down the stairs that was in here. It was a full mattress so it wouldn’t have fit on my bed. Then I heard Dad calling for Mom to help him and Kelly with the mattress. I put my musical jewelry box on the dresser and some of my pictures and I set my safe on it for now. I also had another musical jewelry box from when I was little and it had childish barrettes and necklaces in it. I also set my CDs on the floor next to the dresser and I pushed the TV to the corner of the room and plugged it in and the Super Nintendo. Now I had nothing to sit in to play. Maybe I can take one of the chairs from Matthew’s room and have it in my room. They are just small children chairs we have had since Kelly was a toddler and it was made by Fisher Price. We have the table under the house. We used to have it down in the family room when I was little. I stacked the puzzles and board games against the wall in my room and the books. I had no bookshelf. I also had the chest in here too which had blankets and sheets for the bed we took out. I put my stuffed animals on there for now. Then Kelly came in my room tossing my old coat rack in here with stuff I had on it. “You forgot this,” she said. “Thanks,” I said. “My room is so big now,” said Kelly. She stared at my room, “How are you going to deal with the wall paper?” “It’s going to get taken down,” I said. “I would be so embarrassed sleeping in here.” “Why?” “Kids would think I am a boyish girl.” “You never have them come over,” I said. “You’re so silly. Silly blonde.” “I thought it was dumb blonde?” said Kelly. “You dumb blonde,” I said. “I knew you meant it. You never get embarrassed because of your hair color.” “Yes I do,” I corrected. “What things do you get embarrassed by?” “Pooping my diapers in public when they smelled, diapers leaking in public,” I said. “That doesn’t count,” said Kelly. “Yes it does, I do get embarrassed or I wouldn’t care about those in public.” “Okay I will rephrase it, you never get embarrassed by anything other people would normally get embarrassed by.” “I think they would also get embarrassed if they pooped their diapers or had them leak.” “But they don’t wear diapers so it doesn’t count.” “If they were incontinent too like me they would.” “You really are blonde.” Kelly left my new room. I just shrugged and went back to work. I had no idea what my hair color had to do with this.
After I was done organizing my room, it was nice and clean again. Only thing missing was shelves. Then Dad and Kelly came back to my room with a piece of furniture from our old room. It was one of the dressers that is like a desk with three drawers on the side and a mirror. Dad asked me where I wanted it and I pointed to the wall. They moved it there. “Now we need to get the nails out of my wall,” said Kelly. They left my room again. I enjoyed my new room and pretty soon I had all my stuff in my room including the shelf I had hung on the wall in my old bedroom that had my snow globes on it and a music box. Dad said he would hang my stuff up later and he left the nails on the dresser. I couldn’t believe we got this done all in one day. Well, all of Brian’s stuff wasn’t here and all we took out was the bed and took it under the house and brought my old bed up and moved all my stuff in here. We weren’t switching rooms so it made it go fast.
That evening we all did family time, Dad made us tell him about our days while at work. I told Dad I watched GoldenEye, I have been reading online lately, playing video games, and Mom took me to town yesterday. “How was that?” Dad asked. “Fun,” I said. “I saw another guy get kicked out of the bar you always went to and he was drunk and he talked to me and Mom scared him off.” “Really?’ said Dad. “What was he doing that made you chase him off?” “He was hitting on Natalie and he mentioned wanting to have sex with her and he knew she was fifteen and he wanted to kiss her and he touched her,” said Mom. “Where at?” Dad asked. “Her hair. It was all creepy and it started out with an innocent chat and then he started to mention sex and kissing and I realized what he was doing. He was very drunk and I threatened to break his wrist if he touched her again and I lifted her bag in the air and he went running.” “Mom was scary looking,” I said. “I also got new video games.” “How many did she buy you?” “Eight.” “How did you afford it Anita?” “They were cheap, all cost under ten dollars,” Mom said. “Each or total?” “Total.” “Natalie and her video games.” Dad moved onto the next person in my family. Kelly said she was so happy to have her own room again in seven years and now she won’t have to deal with the bathroom smell anymore. Now she will have the right to kick me out when I stink. “Maybe this will get you to change more often Natalie,” Dad told me. “If she can kick her out for stinking, so can I,” said Matthew. “That is fair,” said Dad. “It’s not my fault I am incontinent,” I said. “We all know that.” “So why am I going to be treated this way now? It’s not my fault I stink,” I cried. “Actually it is, that can be helped though taking good care of yourself,” said Dad. “Drink more water, change more often, perhaps shower more and you won’t smell as much.” “It’s not fair I have to do all that, I didn’t choose to have this and now I have to do all that hard work?” I cried. “And people don’t choose to have diabetes or have vision problems and they still have to wear glasses or eye contacts and people with diabetes have to take shot. I wear glasses so I can see. Your mum takes her medicine and it isn’t her fault either and she still takes it. There are tons of problems out there people have and they have to do things to take care of those problems like taking their medication, getting enough sleep, having a proper diet, getting enough exercise, using ear plugs, being on a potty schedule, and you just need to make sure you drink plenty of water, shower more, use diapers which you already are. You’re already wearing them and that takes care of your problem so why can’t you take better care of yourself about it?” “It’s too much work,” I said. “You used to change more often and then you quit doing it.” “It got too much,” I said. “It was better when Mom was always doing it.” “You’re fifteen and I think you should have already been changing yourself years before and you wouldn’t want to be an adult and find how you are going to do it when you are on your own or out by yourself. What will you do then?” “I don’t know,” I said. “See, that’s why.” “When Mom leaked on the couch, you didn’t get mad at her until I said something about it,” I said. “That is because she doesn’t do it often. If you only leaked sometimes, no one would be getting mad at you about it. Everyone forgets, things happen and it throws people off schedule and makes them forget but if they did it all the time, then that is unacceptable. You let this happen all the time and if you only smelled sometimes, okay, we will still make you change but stinking all the time, unacceptable. Maybe we should start sending you to your room every time you smell and you can’t come out until you’re changed.” I felt my diapers getting wetter again. I enjoyed the nice feeling. “Are you peeing?” Kelly asked. “No,” I lied. I was so embarrassed she knew. “You had that look on your face like you were relieving yourself. I bet you like all this.” “No I don’t,” I said. “If you didn’t, you would remember to change more often because you wouldn’t be able to stand being in wet diapers and messy ones.” “I got used to it,” I said. “Mom doesn’t stay in her wet pants and she always changes the sheets if she wets them, you don’t even change yours so you must also like having urine stained sheets on your bed. I bet you like smelling like this and use your medical condition as an excuse.” “I do not,” I shouted. “Enough,” Dad said. “Natalie, new rule, you will start being asked to go to your room if you smell and you can’t come out until you are all cleaned up, Matthew and Kelly will have the right to ask you to leave their room if you smell. They don’t need to be smelling it. They will also have rights to refuse you service if you smell.” “What service?” I asked. “Letting you in their room to play video games or using the computer.” Then it was Matthew’s turn to tell his days. He said he already knew about his new friend and me being “mean to him” and school work being boring and too easy. He mentioned his interests again. Kelly groaned. “Okay Matthew, thanks for sharing,” said Dad cutting him off. “Anita how have your days been?” “Better since you’re not drinking,” said Mom. “Being your driver isn’t so bad. It’s more work but better than you being on the road drunk.” “You will never get over this will you,” Dad asked. “Nope.” “Well at least I am allowed to pee in the house again instead of outside,” said Dad. “Why did you have to go outside anyway, that was so gay,” said Kelly. “What is it with you using those words?” Mom asked. “They make no sense.” “It’s a figure of speech, it means stupid.” “Can I make my own figure of speech up?” I asked. “This is all um boobies.” “This is all juice,” said Matthew. “My figure of speech.” “This is straight,” said Mom. “I had to go outside because your mother preferred it. She thought since it was so humiliating for this whole family what I did, she wanted me to go out in the backyard like Skippy does when he has to go potty and be humiliated,” said Dad. “I thought you were when you crashed into the bank,” I said. “That’s wasn’t enough for your mother,” said Dad. I knew he was lying. He never peed outside. All the bathrooms locked, Mom screaming at him when they got home when she got him out of jail and saying he will wear them until she is through having accidents, it was all obvious. But Kelly and Matthew believed it. I didn’t say anything. “I think Natalie smells,” said Matthew holding his nose. “She does,” said Mom. “I have been smelling it since she came in here.” “Okay time to change Natalie,” said Dad. “Have a glass of water first before you go upstairs.” I got up and got a glass and filled it up at the fridge and drank it but Dad told me to drink the whole thing. I forced myself to drink it down. I wasn’t even thirsty so it was hard making myself do it. Then I went upstairs to my new bedroom. My room looked different than my old one because it had less furniture and my bed was different. I still didn’t have the cover above my bed but Dad said he can always buy one. I took off my very wet diapers. They felt heavy from all the pee. The second one wasn’t as wet as the first one. I cleaned myself up and put on a fresh diaper. I didn’t bother with two again since I would shower in three hours. I took my dirty diapers out to the garage again. It was very heavy because I was wearing more and I didn’t take them out sooner. I just dragged the bag down the stairs and across the floor. The bag ripped a little and then Dad decided to take them out for me so the bag wouldn’t rip open and dirty diapers were all over the floor. He came back inside and we all played the game of Sequence. It’s one of my favorites because you have to try and put five chips on the board and it has to be five in a row. We had teams because there were five of us so Dad and Kelly played as a team and Mom and I played as a team. Matthew didn’t care he was alone and had no team mate. My favorite part is trying to block my opponents from making a row by putting my chip down next to their chip that was making a row. We played five rounds and Dad ended family time. “When do I get my Nintendo 64?” I asked. “Oh shoot, I forgot all about it,” said Dad. “Remember our contract,” I said. “What contract?” Mom asked. Oops, again. “Oh that,” said Dad. “She made a contract for me to sign that I will get her one and I signed it.” “Can I see it?’ Oh no. “It just says “I hereby will give Natalie her Nintendo 64 and a game with it.”” “But what about your drinking?” Mom asked. “What?” “You told me the other night you would cut back if you got her the Nintendo 64.” “Oh right,” said Dad. “I said that too.” “What else was said in it?” “I think that was it.” “I want to see the contract.” “I don’t know where I put it, I will have to look for it but I don’t feel like looking for it right now. I will look for it tomorrow.” Mom didn’t ask to see it again. Then Dad called me. He took me into the den. “You really can’t keep this secret can you,” he said. “I’m trying,” I said. “It keeps slipping out almost.” “And I keep saving the day and covering for you,” said Dad. “It’s so hard to not say things it comes out and it’s too late when I’ve already said it,” I said. “It’s like everything goes too fast.” “Mum now wants to see it so we are going to have to make a fake contract and I will sign it and I will show it to her. I am going to have to distract her somehow like maybe have her take you to the store for your Nintendo 64 and I will give her some money for it, and I will stay home and work out the contract and sign it and show it to her pretending I found it. Maybe I will have her go to the store and buy some things for your room like new wallpaper and new shelves and I stay here and that will give me plenty of time to do all this.” “What if it’s too crowded for her?” I asked. “Stores are never that crowded unless it’s the holiday you Americans call it when it’s a bank holiday.” Where Dad is from, they call vacations a holiday so whenever we would get out of school or have a day off from school on a weekday, he called it a holiday and when we would go out of town for a few days or for a week, he called it a holiday. He uses the word vacation too. He has learned to use our words. “After all it won’t be Saturday Market,” said Dad. “I bet if she had taken her pills that day, she would have dealt with it better and not complain about too many people being at the mall down there.” “How come she didn’t she take them?” “She forgot, everyone forgets sometimes. I came up with the spontaneous plan to take everyone out and it threw her off. That happens to everyone.” “Mom seems to do it often,” I said. “Well some people are just horrible with change.” Then the discussion was over and Dad left the room. So tomorrow I get my Nintendo 64
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