IC Natalie #6 Natalie vs Ana Aug 23, 2018 8:26:15 GMT
Post by Bad Beth on Aug 23, 2018 8:26:15 GMT
Natalie vs Ana
Warning: This story contains eating disorders and anorexia and self harm. This story is not meant to promote bad diets or pro ana. Author of this story will not be responsible for caused eating disorders in readers. If you have had an eating disorder or struggling with one, I advise you either read it with caution or click back.
Natalie has battled with her body image and now is battling with her eating disorder and it’s gotten worse after her kidnapping by her old teacher. Her family and teachers and some kids keep making comments about her new size and when Natalie finally collapse during her school play, she is sent to the doctor and is told about her eating disorder and gets lectured about the importance of eating. So Natalie tries harder to eat well but instead she seeks support for other girls who struggle with it as she does and she ends up on a pro ana website only to enable it in her.
“Hey everyone, guess what?” my Aunt Bridgett asked.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I have saved enough for us to finally find a place to rent and move out.”
“Cool,” I said.
Grandma Del who was in the kitchen cooking said, “You still have to pay the deposit. Plus, you need furniture. You have to get it all first and you can store it in the garage or under the house.”
“I know that but I am tired of living with you and Glen drives us crazy,” said Aunt Bridgett.
Glen is my father.
“So you guys are going to sleep on the floor and eat on the floor?” Grandma Del asked.
“Oh nonsense, we will find you some used furniture and buy it. Let's see how much room Glen and Anita have under the house.”
“Mom, I don’t need your help.”
“Just wait till you see. Then you will be back here in no time asking your sister you need to move back in.”
I was watching TV with my cousin Jaymee and my brother Matthew, they are both nine. Then Timmy walked in through the front door with a bike helmet and he was sweating. He was back from the burger joint where he works. He is my age now, sixteen.
“You're home early,” said Grandma Del.
“They let me off early.”
“Why?” I asked.
“They just did."
He kicked off his shoes and threw them in the middle of the kitchen. He also took his jacket off and put it on the kitchen chair. He picked up Rufus, their ugly tiny mixed breed dog, and sat in the family room.
Grandma Del and Aunt Bridgett continued arguing about her moving out. Then Aunt Bridgett grabbed her cigarette pack and headed outside.
I saw her sitting on the deck puffing.
"Your mom is going to die sooner," Matthew said to Jaymee and Timmy.
"Yeah, smoking is bad for you," I said.
"I already know that," said Timmy.
"I already learned it in school," said Jaymee.
"Aren't you scared your mom is going to die?" Matthew asked.
"No," said Timmy.
"Why? It gives you cancer."
"But she hasn't gotten it yet."
"She will soon if she doesn't stop."
"And you guys will have more money and be able to afford more things," I added.
"You are both preaching to the choir, that means I want you to stop talking about it, I already know. I don’t need to be told all this," said Timmy.
"Yeah," said Jaymee.
Soon supper was ready and Aunt Bridgett came inside and she smelled like cigarette smoke.
We let Rufus and Skippy outside again and the adults ate in the dining room again while us kids had to eat at the nook.
Skippy is our yellow Lab.
"Bridgett you smell like an ash tray, go change your clothes, that is so gross," said Grandma Del.
"I wish you wouldn't smoke, the smell is awful," said Mom.
Aunt Bridgett came out of the dining room and got some clean clothes from her suitcase in the family room and changed in the laundry room and she came out in a clean outfit.
I took small bites of my food and I was done eating.
I left the table and watched more TV again. Skippy was standing at the door and Matthew let him back inside. Timmy called for Rufus and he ran inside too.
"I have to go potty," said Jaymee.
She was holding her crotch and she went in the dining room and asked for the bathroom door to be unlocked.
My parents keep all the bathroom doors locked so I won't throw up my food, it was Grandma Del's idea so I throw it up in my room now in my diaper pail. I am double incontinent from being in a car accident when I was seven so I wear diapers.
Grandma Del let Jaymee into the bathroom and she went in and went potty.
If I have to use the bathroom to change or to shower, I have to have someone in the bathroom with me so I won't throw up. My mom is always in the bathroom with me or my grandmother when I am changing my diaper.
Jaymee came out and went back to the table.
* * *
"Attention students, the play has been moved to the 27th and 28th of the month, there will be no play this week," said Mrs. Dorsell, the assistant principal, over the intercom.
I was in Spanish the next day. I didn't care. I lost my parts anyway in the play all because my old teacher had kidnapped me last month and kept me locked up in a boarded-up house with no water and power and no clean diapers for me to wear and no food. I almost died and I ended up with severe rashes from poop and pee being on my skin for too long. I have asked to get my parts back for the teacher has not given them back to me and she doesn't want to take it away from Lura who is looking forward to it.
Kids in my class protested about the play being moved and Mr. Leaf said he had no control over the decision and said it was the best for everyone.
"Why did it get moved?" I asked.
"Because of Spring Break," he said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Some people like to go on vacation."
"But they could go after Saturday," I said.
"Parents were complaining so they changed it," he said.
We did our school work and then class ended and I went to my next class.
During lunch, I only had one roll and only ate my corn but I didn't eat my dessert or my corn dog. I hear corn dogs are junk food and not healthy because it is processed and processed foods are bad and help you get fat and make it harder to lose weight. I want to keep my body fat off and stay thin. I got done with my food and dumped it all out and I gave my other roll to another kid and he seemed so excited to have an extra one.
"Hey I got another roll," and he was dancing in his seat with it. "I got another roll," he kept singing.
Kids act so goofy in this school, in my old one they never did.
I went back to the resource room and played on the computer. Racheal Ann was in there and she never eats in the cafeteria with everyone else. She also eats stuff that isn't even food and I am forced to share the computer with her.
I played Gizmos and Gadgets and I went around doing puzzles and collecting parts and looking at the blue print for the right parts so I could win the race against Morty Maxwell.
Racheal Ann never asked to have a turn with the computer so I kept playing. When lunch ended, I quit the game and started to leave the classroom.
"You're getting awfully skinny there, Natalie," said Mr. Brooks, the head of the resource room teacher. "I hope you are eating."
"I am," I said.
I hate when anyone comments about my weight. I just want to stay thin and take care of myself in peace without anyone accusing me of starving myself or not eating. I do eat but just not the unhealthy stuff that makes you fat or keeps you fat. Besides I still have these plus sized legs so I am still trying to make them smaller and my belly flatter too so it's not sticking out anymore. I also still need to make my upper arms smaller too. I want to have a very good body.
I headed to job training next and I was introduced to my new work. I was taken around the school showing how to do recycling and I had a take a blue wheelbarrow with me and trash bags to put papers and cans in. I went in each classroom and poured the recycling in the trash bags, one for paper and one for cans and bottles. This was a lot of fun even though it wasn't paid because it was meant to give me job experience. I also had to be quiet when entering each class and I had to take the recycling out in the hallway to empty it and the wheelbarrow stayed out here too.
When the period ended, I put the recycling stuff in the resource room and the wheelbarrow too and headed to choir.
"Hey, how is shovel girl feeling?" Justin asked.
"Good," I said to Justin.
Ever since kids have found out from the news I had hit Mrs. Kink with a shovel to get away when she had kidnapped me, kids have been calling me shovel girl. They all love that I had hit her with it that sent her to the hospital. No one liked her here because she was mean. I don't know if she is still in there or not and what is going to happen to her now like did I give her brain damage and is she retarded now? Just as long as she won't be able to go after me again, I don't care.
For the rest of the day, some other kids called me Miss Shovel Girl or Shovel Girl. That was my new nick name now. At least they weren't doing it to make fun of me like kids used to at my old school when they would give me nick names.
School got out for Spring Break and I went home in the van.
"Have a great spring break shovel girl," Gary shouted at me when I got out of the van. "And put on some weight will ya so you won't look gross."
Gary is a pain and a jerk.
I went in the house and Grandma Del had snack ready for me.
"How was school?" she asked.
"Good," I said. "Everyone keeps calling me shovel girl now and people won't shut up about my weight."
"You do need to eat some food there kiddo, you are getting awfully skinny you will soon blow away," Grandma Del said with concern.
"I will never blow away, we're too big for that to happen," I said.
"It was just an expression, you are getting awfully thin, you will get sick of you don't eat enough food."
I looked at the snack she made and it was just saltine crackers and apple slices. I had apple slices instead and skipped the crackers.
"You're not going to have any crackers, they're low calorie," said Grandma Del.
"Let me see the box," I said.
Grandma Del got it out of the cupboard and showed it to me. I looked at the nutrition facts and they were 70 calories for five crackers. I know an apple has 90 calories and there were only a few slices on my plate. So I only had two crackers and said I was full.
I felt happy and this was my early dinner. At least Grandma Del was satisfied too.
I was surprised to see Timmy was home. "I guess you're not working today," I said.
"Nope, I'm off," he said.
My sister Kelly was doing her homework in her room and so was my 14-year-old cousin Amber.
My other cousin Jesse who is 12 was playing my Nintendo 64 so I was not able to play it again. Ever since Aunt Bridgett and her kids had moved here, they have bene hogging my game system.
Grandma Del had basically moved in here too because Aunt Bridgett and her kids are so messy, it drives my dad crazy so she came to keep the place clean. But now she and my mom fight and Grandma has taken over the bathrooms.
I also noticed Aunt Bridgett had been losing weight ever since she had moved here. I have heard her say how her pants have gotten looser and her shirts and she told me smoking helps with it too. She said she only started again to deal with the stress from her own mother and my father.
I do wonder how she got fat and stayed fat while poor. Maybe she would have more money if she hadn't eaten so much. She could have lived off her body fat while buying less food and eating less.
Grandma Del was cooking again while Mom was working in the living room. Ever since Grandma Del had moved here, I have been seeing less of Mom because she is always in the living room working.
I was in the den watching Timmy play Star Fox 64 when I heard Grandma shouting in the kitchen.
I left the den to see what the shouting was about. Mom was in the kitchen and she looked mad. "If you would have let me use the toilet," she yelled.
"You didn't need to do that here while I am cooking around food," Grandma Del screamed at her.
"Since I can still hold it, you should let me use the toilet," Mom shouted.
"Hey hey hey," said Aunt Bridgett coming inside. "What is the commotion about?"
"Ask your sister," said Grandma Del.
"What's happening here?" Aunt Bridgett asked.
"Our mother wouldn't let me use the toilet so I had a little accident," said Mom.
"She did a big doodoo in her pants right here in this kitchen while I am cooking," said Grandma Del. Then she noticed me. "Oh hey Natalie, you will not believe what your mother just did. She decided to shit in her pants like you."
"She wouldn't let me use the toilet," Mom told me.
"Mom," said Aunt Bridgett. "Can't you just leave the bathrooms unlocked and just let her use the toilet like everyone else."
"I'm just helping her accept her problem," said Grandma Del.
"She still has bowel movement she can handle," said Aunt Bridgett.
"Since she couldn't even hold it, I think she does need them," said Grandma Del.
"Because you wouldn't let her go to the bathroom," said Aunt Bridgett.
"No, she did it here on purpose, I saw it, she could have done it in the other room."
"Since she can hold it, why can't she do it in the bathroom like the rest of us?" Aunt Bridgett asked.
"Because I am in the middle of cooking."
"So, why not let her have the key too?"
"There is only one and she gets upset if anyone interrupts her."
"Fine, how about we leave it in one spot and anyone can use it when they need it."
"Then Natalie will just throw up in the bathroom again."
"Someone can be with her each time she goes in there. I'm sorry Mom, but you can't really control what everyone does. People find other ways so even if she is throwing up her food, she will just find other ways of doing it unless you want to follow her around and in school too which I doubt you want to do. The rest of us shouldn't have to suffer just because you want to keep all the bathrooms locked and restrict her mother from them too."
"No," said Grandma Del.
"Mom," said Aunt Bridgett.
"Both of you out of here, I am cooking here," Grandma Del ordered.
"We're not children," said Aunt Bridgett.
"You're acting like one."
"You're being controlling."
"I am keeping this house under control and Glen sane."
"And making us all go crazy," said Aunt Bridgett.
"Because I won’t let you be a pig and eat like a fat slob."
"This is why I want to move out. I can't deal with this anymore and you can’t make me," Aunt Bridgett shouted.
Mom left the room. Then she came back and said she needed the key to use the bathroom.
"You can wait when I am done here since you wanted to shit yourself," said Grandma Del.
Mom got mad and slammed her hand on the counter and started to look in drawers slamming them.
"Hey hey hey, stop it," Grandma Del shouted.
"Give me the key now," she screamed.
"Next time don't shit your pants like you used to do when you were a little girl."
Mom grabbed her and started to shake her and then pandemonium started. Mom was really mad and was screaming and grabbing her while Aunt Bridgett stood there and Grandma Del grabbed her back yelling at her to let go of her and Mom kept screaming "Give me the key, where is it." Then she hit her. Grandma Del screamed.
Knife fell out of her hand.
"Stop, stop, someone might call the cops on us," Aunt Bridgett shouted.
My cousins and Matthew and Kelly came rushing in the kitchen and saw Mom hurting Grandma so Timmy and Jesse grabbed her.
Grandma Del had scratches on her and she looked in bad shape. Mom was still screaming at her and I hadn't seen her that mad in a long time. Mom was still squirming but Timmy and Jesse were too strong for her to break free. Kelly helped too by holding her.
"Just give me the key Mom," said Aunt Bridgett.
Grandma Del finally gave her the key. She held herself against the kitchen counter. "Forty-three years and she still attacks me," she said.
"Anita, I have the key, look," Aunt Bridgett showed Mom.
She tangled it over her head like it was a baby toy. Mom's hair was also a mess and it took a couple minutes for Mom to finally calm down when she noticed Aunt Bridgett had the key. She gave it to her and Mom left the kitchen with it.
Grandma Del was at the sink running some water. She had made herself an ice pack and put it on the sores Mom had given her.
I just hoped I would never make Mom so angry she hurts me too.
When Dad came home, he already knew about the incident because Aunt Bridgett had told him when she brought him home. Mom was too upset to do it herself. Dad decided he would keep the key and anyone who wants it can get it in his room and he told everyone where it would be.
Grandma Del stayed out in her RV all night. I bet she was just resting from the pain Mom gave her. Mom just stayed in the living room where she sleeps now and stays most of the time. She even has some of her clothes in there and all her diapers and supplies. When I go in there, it's a mess because it's filled with her artwork and supplies and the blanket and pillow she sleeps with on the couch and she has her clothes in a pile on one side of the room. She keeps a sheet up covering the dining room entry and the entry to the hallway from the living room so no one has to see the mess.
Aunt Bridgett was in the family room reading a book where she always sleeps. Timmy and Jesse were in the den where they sleep. Our house has been crowded because of them so it always looks messy now because of their stuff. Matthew and I still have our own bedrooms because no one wants to sleep with us. Jaymee didn't like the smell of my diapers and Timmy couldn't stand Matthew's mess and him getting upset whenever he accidentally steps on his stuff or kicks it. Even Amber and Jesse don't want to sleep with us and I am glad I have my own room still.
"Aunt Bridgett?" I asked. "When Mom attacked Grandma in the kitchen, did she do that all the time when she was a kid?"
"Yes," she replied.
"What about to anyone else?"
"Only when she was provoked or when she got very upset."
"Did she ever do it to you?"
"I never got her so angry. I didn't pick on her or touch her stuff or even move it or disagree with her."
"Grandma must have gotten her very upset a lot," I said.
Aunt Bridgett laughed and put her book down. "No, it was just hormones and when you are a teen, you think your parents are stupid and never listen and your mom was just a special case."
"But wasn't she always violent?"
"Not like in her teens."
"Did you ever hurt Grandma?"
"I wasn't a special case."
"So that would be a no?" I guessed.
"Correct. But she did nag me about picking things up and wanting me to do things in her time frame, so I always ignored her."
"I guess you were messy then too," I said. "I bet my Mom always picked up after you."
"She always kept her side of the room clean and my side messy and would toss anything on my side of the room and didn't see the reason why she should put it away if my side was messy anyway."
"Did your room smell too from the diapers."
"Oh yes, it smelled like urine all the time."
"What about poop?"
"Did you ever try any on one time?"
"Were you always that big?" I asked.
"No, I got this way after having kids."
"I got older, my metabolism changed, I never lost the baby weight after having kids. I didn't get enough exercise and I drank too much alcohol."
"Did you used to be skinny as my mom when you were little?"
"The reason why your mother was so skinny was because she wouldn't eat a lot of the foods Grandma made and if you tried to force her, she would’ve just thrown her food across the room and her fork and plate. She would rather starve herself than eat what was on the plate and when she did eat, it wasn't enough to keep the weight on. Then she put on some on when she did move out of her mom's house and she looked healthy. She didn't look so boney anymore and so gaunt."
"But you were always bigger than her?" I asked.
"I was thin too but never thin as her until we were adults."
Aunt Bridgett told me more stories about her childhood with Mom and I saw they both fought like normal sisters and annoyed each other and Mom was the annoying sister because she wanted to follow her and do things with her and Bridgett wanted to be with her friends and none of them wanted her. Even sharing a room with her was hard because of the urine smell and the fact it was her room too so she couldn't get privacy and alone time in there.