Post by Bad Beth on Jul 11, 2018 21:58:07 GMT
Chapter 16
It was after midnight when Dad came home smelling like smoke and beer. He was at the bar again. I really wish he would cut back on his drinking so we won't ever turn into Bridgett's. I bet that is where he always goes now when he leaves the house. I wonder if he drinks and drives.
That idea made me feel shudder inside me. Drinking and driving is what got me put back in diapers and have learning problems. Some dude drank and drove and he rammed into us and I was slammed hard in the back by our minivan. I despise drunk drivers, just selfish people they are. But luckily that man lost his life because he did it again and this time he ran off the road and died. Thank goodness, that is one less drunk driver and I wish all of them would run off the road and die and not crash into any buildings or people or animals or other cars. I think they should all be locked away and never let out. Then they will have something to suffer for the rest of their lives and maybe that will get other people to stop doing it and keep others from ever doing it. They wouldn't want to crash their car would they and go to prison for the rest of their lives and it wouldn't matter if no one else was hurt nor killed.
I wonder how much problems I would still have if it weren't for him? Thinking about this whole thing makes me angry but he is already dead so why feel angry about all this? Because he put me in diapers is why and gave me learning problems. I can barely feel anything in some parts of my body because my nervous system is all screwed. I can't even feel my bladder or bowels so it all just comes out. I mean the poop and pee, not my bowel and bladder. I wonder if that is why I don't feel pain. I have been called a liar once online about my problem because I said I don't have any pain and he didn't believe about the coma stuff either and how I "magically" recovered from it. But I never spoke to him again because he was stupid and maybe jealous one of my other online friends suggested. Some other people have asked me questions about it like how can I not be in pain, why don't I poop five times a day, am I sure it was coma I was in instead of being unconscious. I guess I am just lucky I am not in any pain or poop all the time every day and that my coma wasn't that bad.
I was still up and I had just gotten out of the shower. I was tired but I showered anyway because I always do before bed. I always shower at eight but I sometimes do it before then if I am going somewhere and will be home late or if something comes on at eight. I was in my double diapers again.
"Damn this is getting expensive," Dad told me. "It wouldn't be if your mother didn't keep dumping it. We still have pumpkins we need to get."
"So quit drinking," I said.
"I can't. It's something that relaxes me and helps calms me. I just need to find a way to hide it from her so she won't ever find it. I know she looks for it."
"She says if she has to dump it one more time, she is taking your cards and checkbook," I said.
"Oh shit, she better not go through my damn things. That lady is pissing me off. I don't know how much I can handle this before I explode."
That part worried me. If he explodes, would he start beating her like Uncle Jeffery did who is now my ex uncle?
"What do you mean by explode?" I asked.
"I don't know," said Dad. "I feel if I don't drink, I will get depressed and get more anxious and I don't know what I will do if she withholds it from me."
"You sound addicted," I said.
"I am not addicted," he said louder. "Sheesh, you and Matthew take things so literal. If I took the computer from you, wouldn't you feel anxious?"
"Probably," I said.
"And would that mean you have a computer addiction?"
"Yeah, I'm addicted to it and to video games too and to my movie."
"That's not what an addiction means, never mind."
I took the paper I typed and handed it to Dad. He took it from me and looked at it.
"Mission accomplished," he said. "You're a good secret agent. Now your next mission is to get to bed, it's late."
Mission II
Meadow Creek
Saltwater, WA USA
Objectives:
Write out the whole incident about the police Complete
Go to bed incomplete
Dad set the paper on the counter top and headed upstairs. I headed upstairs too remembering to turn off the lights. He went in the kid's bathroom we call it because it's where Kelly, Mathew and I all take our showers or baths and brush our teeth. Brian took his in there too when he lived with us. I crawled into bed with Princess. I heard her purring.
Mission II
Meadow Creek
Saltwater, WA USA
Objectives:
Write out the whole incident about the police Complete
Go to bed Complete
Maybe Dad isn't a drunk after all. Maybe his drinking is just a hobby. But isn't he addicted because he said he gets anxious or depressed when he doesn't have it? I wonder if the problems would go away if Mom stopped dumping it. But don't alcoholics drink a lot? That's what Dad does. I wonder how many beers a day he drinks. He used to drink once or twice a week and then it was more often. Sometimes he would have two bottles a day or have a day where he drink a few bottles and get buzzed he calls it. But I have never seen him get drunk. He calls it pissed sometimes instead of getting drunk. He also calls bars a pub but he calls them a bar too.
I heard the shower turn on. I guess Dad was taking a shower in the kid's bathroom.
I was nearly asleep when I heard talking again in the master bedroom.
"I'm not stupid Glen," said Mom. "I know you left the house just to drink and you showered in the other bathroom instead. I know what alcoholics do when they try and hide it from their friends and family."
"I am not an alcoholic," said Dad.
"Oh really? Then prove it to me. Prove you are not addicted by going a week without drinking and see how it goes."
"Anita," said Dad.
"I mean it Glen. If you go a week without a single sip and you have no withdrawal symptoms, then you have proved you are not addicted."
"And what if I am?"
"Then you need help."
"Well it's costing me anyway because you kept dumping it so it made it more expensive."
"I would hate to take your checkbook and cards too," said Mom.
"You better stay out of my wallet," Dad said sharply
"Then quit buying beer a lot," said Mom. "I wish you go back to drinking once or twice a week like you've always had instead of daily."
"I wish you wouldn't be Rain Man about all this," said Dad.
"Who you calling Rain Man?" Mom said firmly.
"Your behavior," said Dad. "Just because your sister drank and your ex brother in law doesn't mean I will be like them. We've talked about it."
"What do I need to do to get through to you that you are addicted and it's taking over?" said Mom.
"What do I need to do to get through to you I won't become like your sister or Jeffery?" Dad said back.
"I think you need to look up alcoholism and see if you are one," said Mom. "I'm surprised you haven't had any health problems yet or done any damage to your body."
"Anita, have I always cut back?"
"Only when it starts affecting your job or when you need the money to pay bills or anything or when you think you should cut back and you always relapse. Sometimes I wonder why I even married you. I knew you liked drinking and you cut way back when I was about to break up with you."
"Because I was dumb that night remember? I drank so much that night I was vomiting and could barely walk and I wet my trousers and you and your sister came and got me. You brought me to her house and put nappies on me and tied me to the bed so I couldn't move around or wander off or do something stupid. Good thing the police didn't catch me. You stood by my side all night having me vomit in a bowl and her kids had to see me like that and their mother kept them out of the room."
"And what do you have to do now to make you cut back again?" Mom asked. "Beat me? Have a liver problem or a heart attack? Crash your car? End up in the hospital? Get busted by the police? Not being able to afford to pay all the bills again or having to ask my family for money when one of the kids needs it for school or something?"
"Natalie and Matthew barely even join school activities," said Dad.
"She joined the soccer team and we had to pay a fee and don't forget the physical she had to do."
"She doesn't do very many sports," said Dad. "And what has Matthew done?"
"Nothing."
"See? Nothing. Those kids are inexpensive."
"We buy her pills, diapers, spent money on her therapies and doctors, that is a lot of money and will this new school cost us anything? She probably costs just as much as Kelly and Brian did," said Mom.
"We don't have to go out and buy her clothes all the time or buy her stuff other teens want or buy her make up or pads for her period or hair products or pay for her dates," said Dad. "She's cheap now."
"We give her allowance," Mom pointed out.
"So, all our kids get allowance for doing chores," said Dad. "She doesn't cost us that much. We have to buy her medicine, we have to buy mine too and yours and Brian's so what difference does it make? Buy her clothes once a year, what difference does it make? You do the same for Kelly and Matthew too. Buy her shoes, same for the other kids. But Natalie just wears the same clothes and shoes until they are worn and will still keep on wearing them. We can't get her to stay in style and get rid of her old stuff and you see it as no big deal because you're the same way. She prefers sweats or loose trousers and long shirts but that is probably because of the nappies than a sensory thing."
The talking faded off. I couldn't make out the words anymore. I guess they decided to talk quieter and I thought I heard their bedroom door close anyway. At least they were sleeping together again unless one of them moves out of the room.
* * *
I woke up the next morning. I mean Saturday morning, not Sunday morning. My diaper felt full from the pee. I felt the bed again and my pajamas and felt no wet spots. I felt good I stayed dried. I looked at the time and saw it was only 9:07.
I masturbated in my diapers again. I felt Princess at the foot of my bed. I didn't care if I was pushing on her with my feet. She could move if it bothered her. I didn't feel any stinging this time because I used rash cream.
"What are you doing?" Kelly asked above me.
"Nothing," I said quickly and stopped.
I felt embarrassed she had caught me. I wonder if she knew what I was doing.
I rubbed myself slowly so I wouldn't shake the beds.
"Natalie," Kelly said again. "Quit moving the beds."
I stopped and just felt my diapers instead and rubbed my hand against it instead.
Then before I knew it, I was doing it harder and moving my body again and then I noticed Kelly peeking her head down. I stopped.
"Oh god," she said and lifted her head up. "So sick what I saw. Do I now need to feel the beds shake now instead of you rolling around or tapping the bed frame or the wall?"
Kelly is always annoyed about what I do in bed, I will tap on the bed frame or on the wall and move my arm around and me moving around in bed annoys her too. But when she rolls on her other side, it doesn't bother me if the beds shake. I find it soothing when she does it so why would it bother her if I do it?
I felt my diaper some more trying not to move the beds. Then Kelly started moving around above me shaking our beds. I started rubbing myself harder when she kept on doing it.
"Quit it Natalie," Kelly said angrily.
"You're shaking the beds too," I said.
Kelly growled. "Grrrrr did you see how it felt when I did it?"
"Yes," I said.
"Well did you like it? Did it bother you?"
"No," I said.
"You liked it?"
"It didn't bother me," I said.
"You are so annoying I can't even teach you anything, what planet do you live on?"
"Here," I said. What kind of question was that? I also didn't get why she was so upset.
"I so want my own room."
"I want my own room," I corrected. "Not I so want my own room."
"Why do you always need to be right?"
That stumped me. I didn't know how to answer that.
"I don't know," I said.
"Being right is more important isn't it?" Kelly asked.
"I guess," I said. "You wouldn't want to be wrong."
"Well you're not always right."
I ran my fingers along the wall and tapped on the bed frame.
Kelly then got out of bed. She left our bedroom. I got out of bed and closed the door and crawled back in. I started masturbating again. I did it for a few minutes and then I felt all relaxed. I did sweat a little bit and I felt pee come out. I lied there for a few more minutes and got out of bed. I was starving so I went downstairs for some breakfast. I poured myself some Fruity Pebbles and skim milk and put them away.
Matthew was in the family room watching his Saturday Morning shows. I wasn't sure where Kelly was or Mom and Dad. I ate my cereal. After I was done I put the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. I looked in the garage and saw both cars were still there. I went in the family room and watched Disney's One Saturday Morning with Matthew.
During Pepper Ann, Mom and Dad walked in the door.
"The Keystone Cops," Dad was saying. "I can't believe you actually called them that. I love you Hun. I wonder how many parents out there would actually have the nerve to call them that."
"They were so dumb and they arrested her for no reason without having a real reason," said Mom. "I don't see why someone wouldn't call them that. Has the world gone politically correct or what?"
"I think we just need more of you in the world. Did you really leave Natalie's diaper in the cell?" Dad asked.
"I put it in the trash," Mom said. "I just thought I'd leave them a present. I should have just smeared the poop on the walls but I wanted to get out of there so I didn't bother. But our daughter trashed the cell so that was good enough."
They both sounded happy. I was glad they were not fighting. I wonder where they went.
"I hope she will be okay and could put this whole thing behind her," said Dad.
"Why not change the town's name to Keystone? Keystone, Washington it will be," said Mom. "I have wanted to move out of here since nineteen eighty seven. Bad neighbors, bad social services, bad coworkers, bad schools, bad people, and now bad officers. But there's no such thing as a good place. They're everywhere so you can't just move every time something goes wrong or else that will be lot of moving and it wouldn't be good for you kids. Moving a lot is never good for the kids. And everyone says walk away but you can't do that in the real world so you just have to ignore it and put up with it and learn to stand up for yourself."
Mom must still be upset from last night as I was. Skippy came in the room.
"Where did you guys go?" I asked.
"Took the dog out for a walk," said Dad. "I hope you kids fed your cats and the cat box stinks, whose turn is it to clean it?"
"I don't know," I said.
"Better clean it. It's not our job to do it. Oh by the way, we are heading to the police department to file a complaint and then we are stopping to get you a medical bracelet or necklace, whichever you want."
"But I don't want one," I said.
"Natalie, it's no big deal," said Dad.
"But I don't want to look like some mental patient," I said. "I want to be normal."
"Do you want to be treated like you are drunk again or on drugs?" Dad asked.
"No," I said.
"Then you better get one."
"Why can't I be normal?" I cried.
"I can't hear the show," said Matthew.
"You are normal," Dad told me. "Am I normal? Is Kelly normal? Is Mum normal? Is Matthew normal? What is normal?"
"Someone who isn't on any medication and doesn't have any problems and doesn't have a disability or any medical conditions and doesn't wear any medical bracelets."
"Okay so you have pretty much said everyone in the world isn't normal. Everybody's got problems. Lot of people take medication, lot of people have a medical condition, lot of people have disabilities. You even just said no one in this family is normal."
"I guess you can say this is one special needs family or a dysfunctional family," said Mom and she laughed. "All you kid are on the IEP except Brian. Wait, I think Kelly has the 504 Plan now. She has learned to overcome her disability but she still needs more time with reading and more time on her tests and getting her work done. Poor Brian, only one without problems. Wait, he has depression so does that count? He was also very stupid when he got to his teens and wouldn't quit fighting with me. He was one difficult teenager and I have found you easier."
Dad rolled his eyes. "That's because she doesn't challenge you Hun," he told her. "Isn't that right Natalie?"
"Quiet, I am trying to watch this," Matthew shouted.
Mom and Brian fought when he still lived here. Mom would give him the silent treatment and pretend he wouldn't exist and then she would be talking to him again when he would apologize and admit he was wrong about something. I figured it had something to do with being a teen and I was terrified of becoming one because I thought I would have to argue like him too and not get along with Mom anymore because that is what teens do. Then he moved out and then she and Dad started fighting more eventually and drinking more. She and Brian still fight sometimes. Last time I saw them fought was when he and Kate went to one of my soccer games and Mom cheered at my game and she was the loudest and my team mates got annoyed and gave me a hard time about it. Then at the end, Brian told her how inappropriate she was and she argued with him about it. But surprisingly Mom and I don't fight often. I don't even know how to challenge her. What does it mean to challenge her?
Mom and Dad headed upstairs.
I was still not happy about the medical bracelet thing.
"You're going to have a bracelet too just like Mom," said Matthew.
"I wish I didn't have to get one," I said.
Now everyone was going to know I'm not normal if they see me with it. But everyone knows anyway without it because of how I get treated. It's as if I have 'different' written all over me.
"Natalie," Dad called from upstairs. "Get dressed."
I didn't want to miss Pepper Ann so I finished watching it. Then when the show ended, I headed upstairs. I went in Mom and Dad's room to ask him why he wanted me to get dressed but when I opened the door, I was in for a surprise. They both looked at me when I started to ask him when I saw Mom lying on the bed with him on top and he had her hands held down. She was naked down there and he had on his long underwear and she had her shirt on while he had his off and there was a towel under her. This time I knew what they were doing.
"Oh Sorry," I said quickly cutting myself off and shut the door and raced to my room and closed the door. Next time I will remember to knock. I was expecting them to be mad at me for not knocking but I heard them laughing instead. That thought haunted me what I saw them doing. I also thought I saw something else sitting on the bed too but I was too freaked to go back and see if I saw what I thought I saw and I couldn't even be too bothered to look at it closely to see. Maybe it wasn't a dream after all I had. I felt even more freaked out about it. Or maybe it was all in my head and I imagined it.
"What's wrong with you?" Kelly asked. "You're acting like someone is chasing after you or something."
"Nothing," I said quickly. I was too embarrassed to tell her.
Kelly was on the computer.
"You're so funny, you over react and now you run in here like you've witnessed a crime or something," she said.
"I will remember to knock next time," I said.
"What did you do?"
"I forgot to knock and it as too embarrassing I won't say it," I said.
I hid under my covers. I grabbed my Teletubby and held him tight.
"You wouldn't want this computer would you?" Kelly asked.
"No," I said.
"Oh good," she said.
I felt I was in frozen state by my own thoughts. I would knock from now on because I might see two people doing something private or anything I wouldn't want to see. I felt so bad and selfish for not knocking.
Kelly typed more on the computer and I heard the mouse clicking. The under the covers smelled a little like poo and I smelled the combination of menstrual blood and pee.
What the hell?" Kelly said all of a sudden. Then she said "Ew gross, what is this?"
I popped my head out from under the covers and looked at the computer monitor. It was the porn pictures I was looking at two days ago. "Ewwwww," I said.
"Were you on these sites?" Kelly asked me.
"No," I lied
"You're the only one who was on this computer when I got home and I never saw Matthew on it, who else could have been on it?"
"Mom," I suggested.
"She uses the one in the kitchen, why would she use ours?"
"I don't know."
"Gee Natalie, you are going to get our internet cut off if you go to these websites," said Kelly
"I was forced to go on them," I cried.
"Bull, how do you get forced on a website?"
I told her about my online friend who was making me go to the sites until I blocked him and he was telling me how weak I am for letting our parents control me. "He just wanted to show me what an orgasm was and told me pictures and videos were better,” I concluded.
"Keep him blocked, our mom and dad say there are dangerous people online and even we learned that in school about internet safety and they like to pry on teens, especially ones like you, and people lie online all the time."
"How did you find those? I closed the sites," I said.
"They popped up while I was looking through history. But these are all disgusting. A boy in my class got suspended last year for bringing a porn magazine to school and he got caught with it with his friends by one of the duty lady's. She took it from him and sent him to the office and they called home. You will get me into trouble too if you don't stay away from creepy people. You are vulnerable. Now do I have to monitor the sites now you go to and people you talk to?"
"You're not my mother," I said.
"I don't want to lose internet because of you. All this stuff is disgusting. I don't want to see any penises or boobs or people having sex, or people sucking on dicks, or men playing with them, ew just ew. Oh what am I saying, I bet you will get away with this too and the worst that can happen is them getting an internet block to block inappropriate sites. But if I were caught with this, bam, no more internet and I would have ruined it for you too. Thank god I know how to clear the history because one of my friends taught me at school."
Kelly started clicking away.
Then there was a knock at the door. Kelly clicked out of the web browser. "Come in," she said.
The door opened and in came Mom. I couldn't even look at her.
"That must have been awkward for you to see," Mom said.
I didn't say anything.
"What happened?" Kelly asked. "She ran in here like she witnessed a murder or something."
"We forgot to lock our bedroom door and she walked right in without knocking,” Mom replied.
“We weren’t having sex Natalie,” Mom told me. “I was wondering why you got that look on your face and then we both realized what you were thinking because I didn’t have my pants on and Dad had me held down and it was so funny.”
“What did the look look like?” I asked.
Mom showed me. Then she told me. "You need to get dressed.”
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we are heading out. It's only a couple things we have to do. We have to go get your medical ID and then file a complaint."
"But I don't want to leave this house, I don't want anyone to see me," I said.
"Why? Does this still have to do with what happened last night?" Mom asked.
I nodded.
"Oh honey. I'll tell you what, why don't you leave the house just for today and see how everything goes. You will be with us. You can hold onto me if you want."
"Why do I have to come with?" I complained.
"Because we are getting you a medical bracelet. Don't you want to pick one out or should I do it for you?"
"I don't want one," I said.
Mom held her arm out and showed me her bracelet she wore on her right wrist. It looked like a normal bracelet. "Look Natalie. See this here? It's my medical bracelet," she said. She turned the medal part over and showed me what she had engraved on it. “I carry the medical card in my purse at all times. I don't use it often but it helps. I just keep it with me and have it tucked in my wallet and no one ever sees it. I don't show many people it. You don't need to either except for in emergencies like if an officer stops you again. We will now have one together."
"This will make me feel like a freak," I said again.
"Am I a freak?" Mom asked.
"No," I said.
"So why call yourself one?"
"I said it would make me feel like one."
"Why?"
"Because I would now have to carry around what I have wrong with me through a piece of jewelry and card."
"I'm sure you will get used to it. Remember how much you hated having to wear diapers and you wouldn't accept it and then you started to after three weeks of being home and we didn’t have to tape them on you anymore? You now kept them on because it was better than having wet and messy pants. You may find a bracelet you like and wouldn't mind wearing it. They make them look like jewelry now. It's not one of those “ugly” bracelets like the one you wore remember?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was ugly, I just thought it was a normal bracelet I had to keep on.”
“Well you had one because you always wandered off and couldn’t stay with us and you hated being on a leash so we couldn’t use one. You figured out how to take off the wrist one and we couldn’t keep you in the stroller because you also hated being buckled in but yet you loved your car seat but you hated wearing seat belts and you had no problem sitting in the booster seat. We couldn’t always keep an eye on you so we got you that bracelet with your name and address and phone number and that gave us fewer worries. It was so hard taking you out in public I never wanted to go anywhere with you alone. I needed to hold your hand or have Brian keep holding it. Plus you loved going outside and wandering away so Dad had to get those chain locks and he put them on the doors but you figured out to move the chair over to them and undo it and get outside. Plus when we used the baby gate to keep you in your room, you just knew how to kick it down and we kept things out of your room you could use as a stool to climb to get over and instead you figured out to use your feet to just keep pounding on it until it’s down. God, you were smart. So we moved the chain to the top of the doors and then it worked because you were too short to reach. But we couldn’t leave any windows open because we were afraid you would get out like you did one time. But then you got smart and started to stack things on the chair to reach up there and undo the chain but we always caught you. We just had to keep stuff put away you could use as a stool and we kept the den locked and our bedroom and Brian's where we kept them."
Maybe I could just wear the medical bracelet when I go to town or anywhere else with my parents and then leave it off at home or at other places where everyone knows me. Maybe wearing one wouldn't be so bad. Mom has one and has been wearing one as long as I could remember. I remember seeing very few kids with one too and they were all normal. I thought nothing of it then. I just thought it was a regular bracelet with my name on it and it. I had it on from preschool till first grade and then I only wore it sometimes because I saw it as any regular bracelet. Then I lost it in fifth grade. I never thought it was a medical bracelet. Now I wonder why all those kids had one too if they were normal.
"So you still want one or do we need to pick one out for you?" Mom asked. "Would you feel any better if we made everyone in this house get one?"
"No!" Kelly shouted.
"Yes," I said.
"You will?" Mom asked.
"Yes."
"Okay, so if we made Matthew, Kelly and Dad get one, it wouldn't be a problem for you?"
"No," I said.
"Okay, we will do you first. We can't get everyone one today because that will be too expensive. Then you can tell us later if you still want everyone to get one or not, how does that sound?"
"Good," I said.
"Great, why do we all need to get one now just because she is having a gripe about it?" Kelly cried.
"It's just to help her out," said Mom. "Give her support will you?"
"She keeps ruining my life," and she ran out of the room.
Mom shook her head. "Teenagers."
"She isn't a teen yet," I said.
"Almost. Her birthday is less than two months away."
"I don't understand how I am ruining her life," I said.
"You're not. It's just her. All of a sudden she wants to be like everyone else and being a teen is tough you know. You feel your whole family isn't normal or that your parents are out to ruin your life and control you and lot of teens feel that way. It's normal what she is going through. Some just start it young like at age ten."
"Did you ever feel that way?"
"Of course but I think I went through it differently. Every kid is different."
"I don't think I ever went through it yet."
"Are you kidding? You did so. Remember you used to be bothered by what I had on all of a sudden or me not being 'normal'," she said that word in a different tone of voice. "And complain about me being too different than other parents and Dad too and you are stuck on the word 'normal' and you also want to be like everyone else. It used to not bother you you were different from the others and then all of a sudden it does and you are having an issue with having to wear a medical bracelet now. It didn’t bother you when you were little.”
I then remembered all that, how silly of me. I guess Kelly was going through a stage now I already went through. I guess her family is all of a sudden a problem for her when we used to not bother her. It still bothers me Mom can't stand crowds because I don't understand why she can't get used to it but maybe it's people touching her that is the problem. But why can't she ignore it? I still wish we can be a normal family. I didn't really start noticing we were different until I was about eight years old. Just comments I would get from other kids about my Mom and Dad and they would sometimes ask me if Mom is retarded or slow and telling me their mom says my mom is slow or a retard and how she doesn't know how to dress and how weird she is or tell me she is rude. Now Mom refuses to go to other people’s houses for Bunco and other things. She said she didn't like the noise anyway and the socializing and she doesn't need to be where people don't like her and pretend to be nice to her. If the kids' parents are saying bad things behind her back, who else is doing it? Only Dad goes and we haven't done a Bunco at our house in three years. I don't know why. Now kids don't say much about my mother anymore nor about my father. I wonder if they were just trying to be mean and I didn't know it then. I just took it as them telling me the truth and I didn't know why they were telling me those things. My Dad does some strange things like walking around his car about five times before getting in; he did that when we went grocery shopping together. I don't see anyone else having to walk around their car before getting in. He says he has to do it or else it will drive him crazy and even uneven things bother him. I also don't know why he can't get over it. I am not going to even bother saying right now how my parents are different or it will take me too long to explain it all. Maybe I am different because of them. I wonder if being different runs in the family? Would any of my kids be different too? Would I pass it on down to them?
"Get dressed," Mom told me.
I got out of bed and went to my closet.
"Mom," I said as she was leaving. "Did you hate it when you got a medical bracelet?"
"No. It was my choice when Brian was little and it became a habit and it's just part of me now. Your Dad feels more comfortable when I wear it and it takes the stress off him. It's just a bracelet. That's how I see it. I rarely have had to use it but it's better to be safe than sorry. Look at what happened last night?"
"And my life is over because of it," I said.
"I'm sure it's not."
"But other kids already know about it, somehow people found out at the game."
"And I am sure they will forget about it. People forget these things all the time, they move on and not make a big deal about it anymore. It's not like you murdered someone or touched a child. People definitely do not forget that but underage drinking, they will forget."
"I wasn't even drinking," I said.
"I know but they will forget about it soon. Just give it two weeks and see what happens and if a few people still remember, so what. Lot of teens do stupid things so even if they did think you were drinking; they will see it as you being a dumb teenager. People forget these things all the time teenagers do like doing drugs or having sex, getting pregnant, getting a ticket, crashing their car, and of course drinking and having parties and trashing the house. People look at them as being dumb kids and move on. The charges were dropped so you won't have a criminal record."
I was still looking at my wardrobe deciding on what to wear.
Mom went in my closet. "You need help picking out an outfit?"
"Yes," I said.
Mom rummaged around in there and then tossed out a pair of green sweat pants and then she looked in the closet again and tossed out a white t shirt, my slug bug t shirt that said the year 2000 on it under the car. Then Mom tossed out my green sweat shirt. "You need a diaper too or do you have a clean one on?"
"I need one," I said.
Mom looked at my diapers I keep on the top shelf and saw I was nearly out of them. "Wow you do need more."
“Told you," I said,
Mom tossed out a day time diaper. "There you go, get dressed," and she left my bedroom again.
I took off my pajamas and took off my wet diapers that were soaking wet and I had messed a little. No wonder I smelled poo under the covers. I sure pee a lot at night for some reason. I rarely have a dry night which I mean I don't wet as much. I threw them away and wiped myself clean. I held a wipe under there just in case I dripped blood as I unfolded the diaper. I put it on and removed the wipe and put rash cream on and poured some powder in there and taped it shut. Then I put my clothes on. I grabbed my backpack with my Bond trivia cards and my Gameboy and spare diaper and wipes and my candy from the parade. I think one diaper would be enough. It was only two things we were doing.
I got on the computer and went to Shockwave. I did a daily jigsaw. Then Dad came in my room. "You ready?" he asked. "Let's go."
I paused the puzzle and grabbed my backpack and followed Dad downstairs.
"You got extra nappies in there?" Dad asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Good, you don't want to be stuck in a messy one do you and embarrass yourself. Always be prepared. Even if it’s for one errand.”
For some reason I don't like the word nappy or nappies because it sounds babyish. I used to hate the word diaper too when I first started wearing them because it was something babies wear. But it's silly to hate that word because it's just a word they call diapers in the United Kingdom and that is where Dad's from so he uses his words sometimes. He likes to pass them down to us because we're his kids and are half English just like how parents from other countries will speak their own language to their kids so they learn their language from their home country. Dad just wants us to know his terms from his home country. But he got into the habit of using our terms too and spelling things our way. They have different spellings over there and different grammar.
Mom was already ready too and we were all heading out the door when Dad held his nose. "That crazy cat box, I thought I told you to clean it," he said firmly.
"We'll deal with it when we get home," said Mom.
"I really don't like this, clean the cat box," Dad said again.
Mom sighed. "If it's bothering you that much, you clean it."
I sighed too and looked at the chore list to see whose turn it was to clean it. It was Kelly's turn. I went calling for her name. "Kelly? Kelly? You need to clean the litter box. It's your turn."
I found her in the den playing an old computer game on our old computer. "Okay," she said.
"Do it now or Dad will get mad," I said.
"He gets upset over trivial things," she said.
I went back to the laundry room.
"Don't forget that paper," Dad told me.
"What paper?" I asked.
"The mission I gave you."
I looked on the counter where Dad put it but it wasn't there. "Where is it?" I asked.
Dad looked on the counter top and said "Shit. Where did I put it?"
I got upset. No way was I going to do that paper again. "Oh no," I said. "I am not doing it again," I yelled and started crying.
"Natalie, calm down," said Dad.
"I am not doing it again, I worked too hard on it," I cried.
Dad started looking when Mom took something off the fridge. "Is this it?" she asked.
Dad took it out of her hands. "Yes. Thank you. See Natalie, you need to learn to calm down. You got upset over nothing. Kelly get your butt in the laundry room and clean the cat box, it better be cleaned when I get back," he shouted.
He closed the laundry room door as we headed out to the garage. I had my shoes and coat on already. We got in the van. "Anita, you drive," said Dad.
Mom got out of the passenger seat and moved to the driver's side. Dad got in on the passenger side. The papers were still sitting in between the seats. I caught a glimpse of it at the top. It had my old age and date of the evaluation at the top of the paper and doctor's name. Before I could see the rest, Mom had put her purse on it and Dad tossed his coat between the seats covering up the papers. I put my seatbelt on as Mom and Dad put theirs on and we headed out. I felt very nervous leaving the house. I kept my head down on my lap. I looked down at my feet and at the floor.
We arrived at the medical supply store where we get my diapers. Dad made me get out of the car. I just kept my head down and held onto Mom's arm as we went inside. I left my bag in the car and only had my Bond trivia cards with. I looked around. They had wheelchairs, walkers, an adult potty chair, sugar free candy, scooters, handicapped rails, a couple bed rails, a lazy boy, canes, crutches and of course I saw the incontinent section. I saw pull ups and diapers and some were even in youth size and I also saw they had baby diapers and Goodnites. Why would they have those here? The baby diapers were in the largest size, size 6. They were just Huggies. Being in this store made me feel like an old person because of all this stuff. I am not old, I'm only fifteen and they sell adult diapers here and diapers for older kids who are too big to fit in baby diapers. I grew out of my youth/small diapers when I was thirteen. That was when my body changed so they quit fitting me and I was moved into adult mediums and I still wear the same size.
Dad and the cashier were talking. "Is that Natalie there?" the cashier asked.
"Yes," said Dad.
"My has she grown. Hey. Hey," she was saying.
"She's shy," said Dad. "Yes she still wears them until they come up with some magical cure," and he laughed and kept on talking about my wrongful arrest.
I looked at the cashier and I barely remembered her. I couldn't remember the last time I had been in here. It felt like years. I never had a reason coming here if my parents always came here and if my diapers always got delivered.
Mom came over to me and took out her wallet. "I want to show you something," she said as she took out a card. She handed it to me. I looked at it. It said Medical Alert at the top.
"That's my card there," she said. "It has all my info on it including medical conditions I have and medication I am taking.”
I looked at it. It had her name and address, emergency contacts which had Dad's number listed and Brian's and doctor's number, what her allergies were which she had listed "none" and it had her blood type listed. I turned the card over and it had a list of her current conditions and what medication she was currently taking. I handed the card back to her.
"Feel better?" Mom asked.
I shrugged.
I went back to walking around the store when Mom pulled me to a section. I saw a bunch of bracelets hanging on the rack in plastic wrapping.
"See all these bracelets here," she said. "You get to pick your own."
They were all different designs, gold and silver colors they were and they were all medal. They even included a medical alert card. None of them looked like the one I had.
"Natalie," Dad called. "Come over here."
I walked over to the checkout counter. The cashier had out some catalogue.
"We have all these bracelets here you can look at and we order it for you and you tell us what you want engraved in it and want on the card and we call and order it and it should arrive in a week," the cashier explained.
All the bracelets in there looked different than the ones I saw hanging. They all looked like normal bracelets.
"Isn't it wonderful they make them so decorative now instead of those ugly bracelets people used to have to wear," said the cashier. "Didn't your wife come in here last year and ordered from here?"
I looked at her name tag and it said Monica.
"Yeah she did," said Dad.
Monica turned the pages and showed me the necklaces. "You can also have a medical necklace instead of the bracelet," she said. Then she turned the pages again and said "They even have bands because some people are allergic to medal."
The bands just looked like wrist things you wear.
I went back to the bracelets and looked at them.
"You can get the necklace instead or the bands, you don't have to pick the bracelet," Monica told me.
"I want a bracelet," I said.
The plan was we were to get me one so I was sticking to it.
I looked at the bracelets and I am not sure how long I was looking at them when I heard Mom tell Dad all of a sudden. "Stop worrying about the litter box."
There was a talk between them and I heard Mom saying again. "You get irritated with me so it's my turn to get irritated with you. You told her it better be cleaned by the time we get back so problem solved. If it's not cleaned, then you'll make her do it but worrying about it isn't going to solve anything."
Mom and Dad kept on talking some more as I looked. Just a typical discussion they were having. Dad dwells on things and can't stop thinking about it, anything that bothers him. He will even keep repeating himself about something that is bothering him and obsess about it. It's just stuff that isn't even a big deal such as that litter box needing to be cleaned. Why even worry about it? Just clean it when you get back and worry about it when you get home if it's not done. At least he was able to leave the house because sometimes he refuses to go anywhere unless something else is done so Mom or one of us kids has to do it just so he get over it. Just like I had to check the chart at home to see whose turn it was to clean the litter box and it was Kelly's so I told her to do it while was griping about it. Then the paper I wrote distracted him because he stopped obsessing about it. Now he was back on it again.
Then I found a bracelet I liked. I pointed to it. “That is a nice one,” said Monica.
Mom then walked away from Dad as he kept on talking. “That crazy cat box, I don’t like it,” I heard him saying over and over.
Monica handed Mom a form for her to fill out for the bracelet and what to put on the medical card.
Mom started filling it out and she also put down what bracelet I wanted. Monica helped her out a little.
I looked at the diapers again while Mom was finishing with the order.
“You need more?” Dad asked.
"Yes," I said.
“The case hasn’t come yet?”
“No,” I said.
Dad grabbed a pack off the shelf to tie me over. They weren't the ones I wear but they didn't have any here. We order them is why and they get delivered to our house. Then I messed myself. It seems like I am doing it every day now. I wonder if I am sick or something. But I didn't feel too embarrassed since Monica already knows I'm incontinent so it shouldn't be too surprising if she smells it. I walked over to the checkout counter with Dad. Mom sniffed her nose and then said to me "Good thing it happened here."
"Why?" I asked.
"It's a medical shop and she knows you're incontinent so it shouldn't be too embarrassing."
Good thing no one else was here either.
"Is this everything?" Monica asked picking up the pack of diapers.
"Yes," said Dad.
Monica scanned them and put them in the bag. "We just got in some new diapers and we have samples available for a buck ninety nine."
"Oh really?" Mom asked. "Are they any good?"
"They are European and they are a little pricey. A customer tried them and he said they were good."
"Is he incontinent like me?" I asked.
"I believe he used them on a sick relative he is taking care of," Monica said.
I was disappointed. I thought she said for a moment someone was incontinent like me but no it had to be someone who is sick. Why isn't there anyone out there like me? All I hear about is the elderly wearing them or someone in a wheelchair or someone who is mentally disabled or someone who wets the bed, but no one who is mobile like me and have to wear them full time. Plus my tutor only wears pull ups because she leaks urine. Now I think Mom is wearing them but she still has control and can go to the bathroom like everyone else. Plus other people wearing them just because they don't want to stop and use the bathroom or because they like how they feel. I have only seen others online who wear full time like me and are mobile. I wish I knew another incontinent person in real life like me.
Monica left and went to the back and came out with a few packs. She set them on the counter. I looked at one of them and it said 1 brief. Why not just call them diapers? They even call adult pull ups slip ons or disposable underwear.
"These are called Molicare and we are finally starting to carry them. We will special order them too for customers. We just haven't put them on the shelf yet. I can grab a pack for you if you want to try these instead and you can put this pack back. I hear they hold quite a bit. It smells like she could use a change. We have a bathroom in the back if she wants to clean up.”
"What do you think Natalie?" Dad asked.
"I'll wait until I get home," I said.
"No I mean the diapers."
"I'll try them," I said.
"Okay. Shall I put these back then?" Monica asked as took the ones out of the paper sack.
"Yes," said Dad.
Monica scanned them again and put them back on the shelf. I saw her walking to another shelf and she came back holding a bottle. "We also got these in and they are over the counter and they are supposed to get rid of the foul odor so I am sure it will be less embarrassing for your daughter when she makes a bowel movement. They cost fifteen dollars."
She handed them to Mom and she looked at it. I grabbed it out of her hands to see.
"Natalie, you need to ask before you take stuff out of people’s hands," said Mom. "It's pretty rude."
"Sorry," I said as I handed it back to her but Mom told me she was done looking at them anyway so I could look at it.
I looked at it. I read the directions on the back. It said to take one tablet after every meal and they were chewable tablets and were mint flavor. It also said to take another if needed but do not exceed six tablets a day. After I was done, I just set it on the counter not knowing what to do with it.
Monica was in the back again and she came back with the pack of new diapers. She scanned them and put them in the bag. She grabbed the pills and asked Mom if she was getting them.
"Do you want to try them Natalie?" Mom asked. “I think it will make things easier.”
"Okay," I said.
Monica scanned them and put them in the bag too.
Mom grabbed one of the sample packs and said "I want to try these for my night time problem."
"Sure," Monica scanned the sample and put it in the bag too and then she put two more in and said she could try those two for free of charge since we have been regular customers as long as she could remember working there for five years. I guess Mom was wearing diapers at night now. Maybe she did have one on that one night and maybe I did see one on the bed when I walked in their room without knocking. I pushed that thought out of my head.
Monica told Mom and Dad the total and Dad was shocked at the cost. “Holy moly, I have never spent that much on two items.”
“Three,” Mom said.
“The pills were fifteen and the diapers were twenty four and the sample is two and with the ones I gave you for free you saved four dollars,” said Monica.
“What about the bracelet?” I asked.
“I haven’t finished filling the form out yet but I will later,” said Mom.
“I haven’t balanced the checkbook yet so I am using my credit card,” said Dad as he pulled it out of his wallet and set it on the counter.
"Do you know anything about when more diapers will be shipped to our house, they hadn't come yet?" Mom asked.
"Oh there was probably a delay. I can try and find out what's going on if you like."
Monica slid Dad's card in the machine and handed it back to him. He put it in his wallet.
"Oh, can I use the bathroom?" Mom asked.
"Sure, it's right in the back through the door back there," she pointed.
Mom looked and headed towards the direction she was pointing at.
Okay, I guess she is still wearing underwear. Man my mind won't stop playing tricks on me. Maybe because I am so sick of being the only one in diapers, my mind is starting to play tricks on me. I slapped myself in the head. Dad grabbed me asking me if I was okay.
"Yes," I said.
Then I remembered Mom telling the officer she still needs to wear them sometimes. Maybe she meant at night. After all she does wet the bed sometimes and sometimes it's more frequent because she strips the bed every day and washes the sheets. Even if she wet her pants, she says it's because she waited too long going to go to the bathroom. Now I know it's because she doesn't even know she has to go until it's too late so she needs to go on schedule and she still forgets sometimes because she gets so focused on what she is doing, she doesn't even think about going until it's too late. I used to think it was a normal thing to wet your pants but no it's a Mom thing. Lot of people don't wet their pants unless they have a weak bladder or are incontinent or are drunk or are very scared or laugh too hard. Mom just has something else that makes her do it because she doesn't even feel she has to go until it's too late. Now she was using diapers at night again like she should have for years. I felt confused about all of this.
Monica handed the paper bag to Dad. "Have a good day, good luck with the complaint," she said.
Dad and I went out to the car. He put the bag in the back seat as I got in. He got in the passenger seat. Dad picked up his cell phone he brought with and started to make a call. Then he said “Hey this is Dad calling and if you are hearing this, please pick up the phone. Kelly? Matthew? Anyone there to pick up the phone? Hello? Oh hi Kelly, did you clean the cat box yet?...Do it now or you might forget…I want that box cleaned before I get back….It stinks, I don’t like it and you let it get that bad….How hard is it to clean it every time one of your cats uses it? Clean it up and don’t even think about changing the chore list. It better be done before I get back. Now I am just waiting for your mum to get out of the bathroom and then we are heading to file a complaint against the Keystone Cops.”
Then he hung up. I couldn’t believe he was still obsessing over the litter box. Typical Dad.
"Natalie, I am going to need your help," he said. "Your mother made me make a deal with her about I won’t drink for a week so I have to prove to her I am not addicted but I don't want her to know the effects of me not drinking or else she will think I am addicted."
"So what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"You have to help me hide it."
"Hide what?"
"The effects of me not drinking.”
"So what happens if she sees the effect and you do drink before the deal is over?" I asked.
"Then I have to seek help and quit drinking and if I break the deal, oh boy something bad will happen."
"Divorce?" I asked.
"No. That is for wussies."
"But you two don't seem happy together so maybe you two will be happier if you separate," I suggested.
"Natalie, we are not getting any divorce. Period," Dad snapped.
"So what bad thing will happen?" I asked.
"I can't tell you."
I decided to start guessing. "Will she tie you up?"
"Natalie, I am not going to answer any of those."
"Will she withhold your cards and checkbook?"
"Natalie, I am not telling you anything so ask all you want, I won't answer."
I get it; Dad is refusing to answer because he doesn't want to tell me yes.
"Will she spank you?" I asked again.
Dad didn't answer. Mom will do that to him too.
"Will she ban beer from you forever?"
No answer. Now I knew Dad wouldn't be able to drink ever again.
"Will you have to sleep in Mom's pee?"
No answer.
"Oooooo you would have to sleep in her pee and get spankings from her and lose your cards and checkbook," I said.
"Natalie, no, it's none of that. I am not going to tell you so keep asking if you like but every one of them will be a no," Dad yelled.
"So that means yes then," I said.
"Natalia!" Dad yelled.
"Well not answering means it's a yes because you don't want to admit it," I said.
Then Dad turned around and moved his arm towards me and slapped me on the leg.
I was shocked. I wasn't expecting him to hit me. I didn't want to keep on guessing so I stopped. I got him too mad.
"Okay, I need you to help me hide the effects of me not drinking," Dad said again not sounding mad anymore.
"How do I do that?" I asked.
"Like make up excuses for my effects, cover for me."
"I don't understand, like what do I say and stuff?"
"Okay, if you can help me and succeed, I will give you a prize."
"Really? What is it?"
"Well anything you want."
"A Nintendo 64," I said.
Dad sighed.
"You said you will give me anything I want for the prize,” I pointed out.
"Yeah I did say that, what was I thinking? Okay, I will get you the Nintendo 64. Promise me you won't ask us for any games.”
“Then how am I supposed to play it if I don’t have any games?” I asked.
“Buy them with your own money,” said Dad. “Or rent them or borrow them.”
"Okay, I promise."
"Good."
This was going to be exciting, I was going to help Dad now hide his effects of not drinking so I will get my prize and play GoldeneEye. Now how was I going to do that?