Silent Chris Mar 13, 2018 22:58:38 GMT
Post by Bad Beth on Mar 13, 2018 22:58:38 GMT
I was getting ready to pack for a weekend trip with Chris. We are not close, we are just friends but not best friends. She is bowel incontinent and I am duel incontinent. Daddy hooked us up when he found her on Fetlife.
Chris and I were planning to just go up north towards Scotland and have some fun and I would be bringing Tristian with who is two.
I had out a bunch of nappies and my trousers and shirts and I put it all in a pile. I had Tristian’s clothes ready too and his toys. I kept them in my room until that day came.
I woke up on Friday morning and I had breakfast and I fed Tristian too in the regular chair. He sat on his knees and ate cereal. I was all changed in a clean nappy and I was online looking on forums.
Daddy was up too working on his computer.
Chris soon arrived and she rang our door bell. Daddy let her in and I got our stuff. I had my computer and 3DS. I carried my stuff down and then Tristian’s. Daddy helped carry stuff out to Chris’s car and put it in her boot. I got the car seat out of our car and put it in her car and put Tristian in it. I put his nappy bag in the bag seat on the floor. I had mine in there too and Chris also had hers.
Daddy then said to me, “Make sure you change when you poop. Have a good time.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Bye,” said Chris.
We left and Daddy went back in the house.
Chris and I started talking. She got on the motorway to leave the area.
Tristian sat quietly in his car seat and looked out the window. He also had some toys to play with and a book to look at I have given him.
I looked at the country side.
I was talking about stupid people in the world I have read online.
“I once read a post online about how kids shouldn’t be using the opposite gender restrooms once they began walking and I was like “how is a two-year-old going to change their own diaper or use the toilet” and even another mom said her kid started walking at 11 months.”
“I would say “someone doesn’t have kids’,” said Chris.
“But who is going to think a baby can use the toilet by themselves or change their own diaper?” I asked.
“You’re right, people are pretty stupid.”
Then I talked about ABDLs comparing kinks to being gay or trans. “I do see why they would compare it,” I explained. “I mean we have to live in the closet, we have anxiety about keeping it hidden, people have lost their jobs for their lifestyle and gotten harassment after appearing on a TV show about it.”
“People shouldn’t go on television,” said Chris.
“But even if someone did find out about it in real life like a neighbor let’s say and you had never been on television with it, that is what I mean,” I said.
Then the whole car smelled like farts so I asked, “Did you poop?”
“Yeah,” she said. “We need to stop somewhere.”
She kept an eye out for the exit and I kept talking.
Then she found the exit sign and got off the motorway. She found a place to change at and it was like a rest area for travelers. We saw a McDonalds that was shaped like a house.
Chris parked her car and grabbed her nappy bag and said to me, "Maybe you should change too and check your son's nappy."
She got out of the car and headed for the restaurant.
I looked on my phone and checked my Twitter page and I also checked Reddit and Facebook.
Chris got back and she had bought some food. "Do you want anything?" she asked.
"No, I'm fine," I said.
She got in and put her nappy bag in the backseat and she was eating her fries.
We got back on the road again and she went around the roundabout and got back on the motorway.
"Boy this freeway sure lacks exits," I said.
"Oh, that is what we call them back in the states where I am from," I explained. "Yeah, they lack so many exits here, back at home they had them like every couple of miles for you to get off so you can stop in towns. It's like if you want to visit towns, don't take any motorways to get somewhere quicker."
We soon passed another exit and we kept going.
"Yeah you basically have to drive quite a bit just to get off and then go all the way back to visit a town you wanted to stop in," I said.
Tristian was starting to get bored later on so I gave him a snack. Chris also talked to him to keep him company. She did better than me interacting with a toddler.
I talked more about the internet and I was looking at websites on the phone.
"What you're reading?" Chris asked.
"Oh just articles about fat shaming, can you believe it, these fat people see fat shaming everywhere when it's not there and they make it be about them," I said.
"Give me an example."
"Like if you talk about medical facts about obesity and list reasons why it has been increasing, they see it as fat shaming."
"Excuse me?" Chris asked.
Her tone had changed.
"I mean if you say things like people who are obese have troubles moving around and have troubles breathing and are being crushed by their own weight, they call that fat shaming and they don't care about how it affects those people and they think fat is beautiful and they don't see anything wrong with their weight and they call everyone fat shamers and fatophobics just because they lose weight or don't want to be fat and because we know it's unhealthy."
"That is fat shaming," said Chris.
"What?" I asked confused. "I just said how it affects those people, ever seen MY 600 Pound Life on Youtube? It's debilitating for them. Even being underweight is unhealthy."
"Not all fat people are unhealthy and you can't tell just by looking at them."
"And some anorexics don't have health problems either nor smokers but it is still unhealthy what they are doing," I explained.
Chris practically slammed on her breaks pulling over to the shoulder.
"Do you think I am unhealthy," she said looking at me.
"You look healthy," I said.
"How do you know?" she said.
She sounded mad.
"You asked," I said.
"You think fat people are unhealthy?"
"It's a fact," I said.
"Not all of them have health problems and they can just be healthy as you are."
"For now," I said. "Just like smokers can still be healthy but that doesn't mean they will never get lung cancer or stained teeth and so on. I never damaged my body from an eating disorder but that doesn't mean it was still healthy when I had it."
I was starting to get anxious. Chris was mad at me for some reason. It was making it hard for me to get my thoughts together and to string words together.
Chris pulled back on the motorway.
"Why are you mad?" I asked.
"Do you think I'm fat?" She asked.
"No," I said.
"Look," she said firmly.
I looked and she was grabbing her belly. I realized she had a belly and I never noticed.
"You look normal," I said.
"So you have a narrow view on how fat people should look," she said angrily.
"Why are you so mad?"
"I do not tolerate fat shaming."
"I'm not fat shaming, I am just stating facts."
"You know nothing, you just disguise it as a concern to shame."
"So you think it's fine for fat people to be so big they can't move or have troubles walking and have their bones hurting, you think that is okay?" I asked.
"I would keep your mouth closed because the more you talk, the worse things you say," Chris yelled.
She had a frown on her face and then she was silent and I was afraid to talk to her.
I felt co confused why she got so angry at me. Why would she be so offended if she isn't fat and why would she want to be defined as fat?
I felt hurt she would treat me this way and misunderstand me.
The ride was silent and I felt awkward for the rest of the way. Chris got off the motorway at the next exit she saw. She drove into a parking lot and I noticed it was some place we were stopping at. I saw a bunch of parked cars and army jets out in the field and big buildings. She pulled up in front of it where it said visitor's center and she told me to get out and unload everything. I got out and took out the nappy bags and Chris had popped the boot and she took all my stuff out of it and Tristian's too and she told me, "The car seat."
"What are we doing?" I asked.
"I am not going to travel with a fat shamer and someone who views people only by their bodies and secretly judges them."
"What?" I asked confused again. "Are you okay?"
Chris didn't answer and she just kept glaring at me.
"How am I going to get home now?" I asked.
"Call your husband or family," she said. "I could have just left you on the shoulder but you got lucky because I can't leave a child out in the weather and on the side of the road with cars going fast."
Chris got in her car and drove off. I stood here confused.
I took out my phone and called Daddy.
There was no answer and all my nappy packs were left out where everyone could see them and I had too much to carry and someone could just take this stuff.
I kept trying to call Daddy while I watched Tristian and I left him a text message telling him Chris had gotten mad at me for some reason and dumped me off at some museum and she took off and I am alone with our son.
I started to move my stuff under the cover with benches and I took three trips and I grabbed Tristian and waited. I kept calling Daddy and but he never picked up. I decided I would just wait here but pretty soon I would need a clean nappy. Plus I was hungry. I had a snack myself. I hoped Chris would come back for me after blowing off some steam. She will realize her mistake and come back for me and apologize for acting stupid and I forgive her and the trip goes on.
I called my Dad instead and he answered.
"Hi Natalie," he said.
"Dad, I have a problem," I said.
"A friend and I were going up towards Scotland and she wanted to see some Harry Potter locations but she got mad at me because she thought I was fat shaming when I was talking about obesity and the medical issues with it and she blew it out of proportion and kicked me out of the car and dumped all my stuff out and Tristian's too and left us here."
"Where are you at?"
"Along M11 at some air museum." I saw the sign and I saw the town name and said, "Duxford. I am at some museum it's on the side of the road after you get off the freeway."
"Is your friend going to come back?"
"I don't think so, she said she didn't want me with her anymore and told me to call my family."
There was a pause and I could hear Dad and then he said, "Okay, I will come get you, stay right there, it will be about a couple hours, I will see you soon, bye."
He hung up and I felt better.
Chris never called and Tristian was getting bored so he was fussy and I was anxious and hungry again. I saw an employee sweeping the pavement so I went over to him with Tristian. "Excuse me, I am stranded here because my friend abandoned me and my dad is on his way to get me but I don't know what to do with my stuff and I need to use the toilet."
"I can watch it," he said.
"Thank you," I said.
I got our nappy bags and I took Tristian and we went inside the visitor's center. I looked for the toilets. I found them and went inside. I changed and then checked his nappy and he was fine. I washed my hands and left the toilets. I went back to my stuff and the employee wasn't there but my stuff still was. I was glad no one took it. Then I saw the employee again and he was still sweeping.
I read to Tristian but he wouldn't let me read the whole book to him. I let him eat again and I tried rocking him to get him to sleep. I even opened the pushchair to put him in it but he would just scream.
I looked at my phone again to see if Chris ever called or text. None. I just sighed.
I just watched other people come and leave and I paced. I decided to just let Tristian cry in the pushchair and I pushed him in it back and forth and in circles but he wouldn't go to sleep so I just let him cry. I got on my phone and watched Youtube videos. I had toys out for Tristian but he just kept dropping them on the ground. I even laid on the bench to rest.
I called Dad again to see where he is and he said he was leaving London.
"You hadn't left yet? What took you so long to leave?" I asked.
"I had to get Robbie ready and there is lot of traffic so it took us a while and now we are finally leaving London and about to get on the freeway here soon. I'll see you in where are you at again?"
I looked at the sign and said, "Duxford."
"Okay, text it to me so I can remember the name, I'll see you there. Wait, it's next to freeway what?"
"M11," I said.
"Okay text that to me too, I'll see you in a couple hours."
He hung up and I text the name and freeway to my Dad.
I saw some busses go by and dropping people off and some people getting on.
I was hungry again but I ignored the hunger. Tristian kept crying and he really wanted to run around but I couldn't leave our stuff.
Some people even stood under the cover with me to wait for their bus or any transportation. People looked at me but I ignored them. I looked like a bad mother because my kid was crying and I couldn't just let him run around or I would still look bad. If I just ignored him, I would still look bad. Even pushing his pushchair back and forth wasn't helping. Even holding him and rocking him didn't work either. I could not wait for Dad to get here.
I saw a young woman fanning a piece of brochure in front of her face and it made me wonder if I smelled. I felt the back of my pants and felt no wet spots and I sniffed my fingers and didn't smell anything.
I was cold like Trisitian was but he also had his coat on too. I checked his nappy and it looked fine. I handed him his toys again but he just threw them on the ground and his book too.
Why did Chris have to act so funny?
I wondered if she still did her plans but without me. I called Dad again.
"We are on the road," said Dad as he answered. "We will be there in about forty minutes."
"Okay," I said. "Tristian is crying and I can't get him to stop and I can't just let him explore because I have nowhere to leave my stuff."
"Just hang in there and I will be there," Dad said again. "I'll see you in forty minutes."
"Bye," I said.
"Bye," he said.
I waited and my phone was half on battery.
I let Tristian cry in his pushchair and did nothing. I couldn't use my phone or else it would look like I was ignoring him and playing my 3DS would look the same too and reading a book so I just sat here bored.
I watched other people and kids and looked at other cars that were parked and I saw people getting in their cars and leaving and cars coming and parking and people getting out.
I looked at my phone again and Chris had not left me a text or even called. I knew she was unlikely ever coming back.
I thought about how I could upset her so much. Was she unsecured about herself she didn't like what I said about obesity?
Was it because she thinks she is fat? Why would she get mad at me for not seeing her as fat? Why would she want to be seen as fat? I never got mad when people would tell me I am not fat whenever I said I was even when I had a belly.
I thought about what could upset her so much. Why would facts upset her and the struggles obese people have and the health problems they face and the high risks they face?
Would she get mad if someone told her she is at higher risk for death whenever she is in the car? It's true car accidents happen all the time worldwide so whenever you get in the car, you are at a higher risk for death but that doesn't mean you will get in a car accident. I don't think overweight people are not as a high risk for cholesterol problems or heart disease or type 2 diabetes as obese people are. Chris isn’t even obese and not even close. She looks normal, she could be overweight. Not all overweight people look fat. Does Chris want people to think she is fat? Why would she want to be fat?
I thought about texting her to ask her what was wrong and what happened here but I was worried about her hostility.
Could it have been trauma she had and I triggered it so she blew up at me? But wouldn't she have come back if that were true or text me or call me and apologize and say it wasn't my fault and explain?
I knew I had done something wrong but what did I do? Why would facts offend someone?
I looked at the time again and fifteen minutes had passed.
Tristian was still fussing and crying in his pushchair and trying to get out.
"Hey your kid is crying," a lady said.
I looked up and it was some other parent.
"I know," I said. "My friend left me here and drove off and I don't know what to do with him and my dad is on his way to get us. I never bring him out in public alone because of this."
She didn't say anything else. No offer to help me or anything.
I kept sitting here bored waiting and I would look at the battery and time on my phone. Time passed slowly. I waited for the forty minutes to pass.
No one else said anything about my crying child.
Then finally I saw my Dad's car pulling in front of us and Dad got out of the car.
"You knew where to find me," I said.
"The GPS led to this place," Dad said.
He popped the boot open and he helped me put the stuff in while I put the car seat in the back seat and put Tristian in it. Dad had the nappy bags and he gave them to me and I put them in the back seat. Dad tried to close the push chair. "I don't know how to close this thing so you're going to have to do it."
I released the latch and Dad said "Oh."
I folded the push chair and put it in the boot and closed it. I got in the front seat and Dad got in. I looked at the undercover again to be sure nothing was left behind. Robbie was in the back seat behind me. "Hi Natalie," he waved.
"Were you bored on the way here?"
"Yeah," he said.
"There are toys in Tristian's nappy bag you can play with," I said.
Tristian stopped crying once we started moving. I plugged my phone in for it to charge.
Robbie looked in the bag and started taking them out. "These are baby toys." He pushed the bag away.
"So, what happened?" Dad asked me.
"We were on the freeway going north when I was talking to her about internet people and crazy stuff I see online. Then I told her about the word fat shaming and how it's being thrown around and it means nothing now so she asked me to give her an example so I told her about whenever medical facts are said about obesity, fat people call it fat shaming."
"Was it how you said it?" Dad asked.
"I only said what the risks are with it and what problems obese people have because of their size and I don't know why she is offended. Is she offended by documentaries about it on TV?" I asked.
"Is she fat?"
"I don't know how to help you, I wasn't there."
"I don't understand how saying what the health risks are with obesity and what issues they face when they are five hundred pounds and having aching joints when they stand or walk and can't lay down because their body fat pushes on their lunges and they suffocate-"
"I know," said Dad.
"Why would that upset anyone?" I asked.
"I don't know. How were you saying it?"
"In my normal voice," I said.
"Were you joking about it or laughing about it?" Dad asked.
"No," I said.
"Hey don't get defensive, I am just trying to help you understand why she might have gotten upset."
"She said I was fat shaming them when all I was doing was explaining how it affects them."
"Well, maybe she sounds like one of those people who will just get upset over anything. There are people who get upset if you say you aren't into rugby and find it boring to watch. There are people who will get upset when someone says they didn't like a movie they saw, people get upset over what they hear on the news and blame the news anchor as if they have control over it."
"Have people ever gotten upset with you for something you said that was none offensive?" I asked.
"Sure, I said watching sports on TV was a waste of my time and that started a fight in the bar," Dad told me.
"When did that happen?"
"Back in Saltwater when your mum and I were still together and then I got kicked out."
"Wow. Why were they offended?"
"No idea, I had a few drinks so I don't remember what else happened."
"Are you sure you didn't say anything else besides saying it's a waste of time to watch on TV?"
"I don't remember. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."
"There are fat people who will get upset when they go see a doctor and they are told to lose some weight or that their health is at risk," I said.
"Doctors can be pretty insensitive about that stuff," said Dad.
"Maybe they have medical issues that cause them to gain weight or maybe they have an eating problem, and doctors just assume they can just stop eating but that is like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. Lot of people assume fat people are just lazy. Doctors are trained to deal with your health and diagnose problems, they are not addict specialists or nutritionists or dietitians, they look at you and go "just eat less" and they might not know how to lose weight because they need a nutritionist to help them figure out their meals and doctors don't send them to one or refer them to one. It would be like going to a family therapist and expect to get treatment for your anxiety or going to a dentist and expect to get treated for your flu. There are different doctors out here and if the doctor knows nothing about obesity, he is not going to understand the patient."
"Okay, but Chris is normal sized so I don't see why this would affect her."
"I don't know. What did you say about it?"
"I just said how people get offended when medical facts are pointed out about obesity and how it affects those with it and the causes of it."
"I don't know why she was offended. If I knew, I would tell you and if I was there I would tell you. It happened and it's over and there is nothing you can do so you have to move on."
I looked at my phone again and Chris still had not left me any text.
I googled "Stupid things people have gotten offended by."
Results popped up and I looked at "20 things Twitter had been offended by in 2014." I browsed through the stuff Twitter users had been offended by and then I snickered at one of them.
"What's funny?" Dad asked.
"The Disney channel introduced a gay couple in one of their shows and some people got offended by it," I replied.
"What?" Dad asked.
I read the description. Then I said "I wonder how a five-year-old star got the blame?"
"People are pretty stupid and get offended over non-offensive things," Dad told me. "People were even offended by Harry Potter because they thought it would teach their kids witch craft."
"But that isn't even possible to do it," I said.
"I know, that is how dumb people are. Sorry you had to meet one of them."
Then I saw something about Harry Potter. "Oh, here's this, what a coincidence. You just mentioned Harry Potter and this article mentions it too." I started to read it out loud.
Dad shook his head.
Then I read the next one. "February second, The Red Hot Chili Peppers did not plug in their instruments during the Super Bowl Halftime show."
"What?" Dad asked.
I kept reading. Dad was shaking his head.
"Oh my gosh, people were also offended when a Coca Cola commercial played a song "America the Beautiful" in non-American languages." I read the description to Dad.
"Okay, I think I heard enough," he said.
I looked at the rest and then I was done with the article and I found another one to read. 24 silliest things Tumblr users have been offended by. Then I found a Cracked article about it. The rest were not what I was looking for. I guess the internet thinks people can't get offended over non-offensive things. I went back to the first page and clicked on the top result link and read it. I also read an article about what Republicans are offended by. I laughed at the things they were offended by; former US president Obama golfing, gay marriages, gay wedding cakes, any mention of gun regulations, "Happy Holidays," the war of Christmas, war on Christianity.
Dad stopped to get everyone something to eat because Robbie was hungry and so was he. He stopped at a small shopping center along the motorway and they had a bunch of food places and WHSmith and a game zone and Waitrose. That was it. Next door to this building was a hotel.
We looked at all the eating places and they a had some American places here. Dad took Robbie to Burger King and I went to Tossed to get some health food. I didn't feel like having any junk food. I ordered a cheddar sandwich and a kid's sandwich for Tristian and only water to drink. I paid and waited for my food. After I got my order, I looked for Dad and Robbie. Dad had also gotten Burger King. I sat down with them and ate my sandwich and gave Tristian his. Robbie had a kid's meal while Dad only had a hamburger.
I looked at my phone again and browsed Facebook and wrote sarcastically "Just when did saying medical facts about obesity become fat shaming?" I also wrote it on my Twitter page too. I also started to read about fat shaming. I found a bunch of Tumblr posts about it.
Then Dad and Robbie were both done eating. We bussed our table and Dad asked if we wanted a doughnut.
"Yeah," said Robbie.
"Sure," I said. "I need to go to the toilet though." I took Tristian to the toilets with me and I changed his nappy and then my own and washed my hands.
I found Dad and Robbie again at Krispy Kreme. We waited in line and then we picked out a doughnut we wanted. They were real small and I let Tristian pick one out for himself but he couldn't decide because he didn't understand decisions so I picked for him. They got our doughnuts and Dad paid for them and we all ate them on the way out. Tristian ate his in his pushchair.
We got to the car and I put Tristian in his car seat and put his push chair in the boot.
Dad got back on the motorway and my phone rang. It was my daddy. I answered it. "Hey Hun."
"Where were you, you never answered when I called?" I said.
"Sorry I didn't have it with me so I didn't hear it," Daddy apologized.
Then Dad said something to the kids and my daddy asked "Was that your dad, where's Chris?"
"She left me on the side of the road because she got mad at me," I said.
"What happened?" Daddy asked.
"I'll tell you when I get home, it's a long story," I said.
"Where are you now?"
"On the motorway with Dad and Robbie and he is taking me home, he came and got me. I tried calling you but you didn't answer so I called him."
"I know, I'm sorry. When will you be home?"
"Dad when will I be home?" I asked.
"Six," Dad guessed.
"About six," I said.
"Okay, I will see you then, bye," said Daddy.
"Bye," I said.
He hung up and I browsed on my phone reading about fat shaming on Tumblr. I couldn't believe the conspiracy these fat acceptance people had created. Any medical information was a hidden way of fat shaming and we have it disguised as health concern. Do people really pretend to be concerned to shame fat people?
"Dad, you will not believe what I am reading," I said. "I am reading about fat acceptance and it's like pro ana except it's the opposite, they promote obesity."
"What's pro ann?" Dad asked.
"Anorexia, people who are pro anna will encourage eating disorders in other people and they tell people how to have an eating disorder and the thing is they see nothing wrong with what they are doing because they see it as a lifestyle and a diet, these people are also ill."
"Why do you read that stuff?"
"I'm curious and it's so interesting but pro obesity they try to tell other fat people to not lose weight and this is who they are and they can't change their size and they try to convince them society is the problem, not their body, they also try to convince them any medical advice they hear and read is all fat shaming that is disguised as a health concern."
"You shouldn't be reading that stuff."
"Why?" I asked.
"It's twisted, I can't believe there are some crazy people in the world. Nothing wrong with being obese? They like having sore joints and not fitting into seats or on planes or in cars and do they like furniture breaking under their weight and always being hot and sweating all the time and having skin infections and not being able to find clothes in their size and having type 2 diabetes?"
"They say it's society's fault for not catering to their size," I said.
"Jeez, oh god," Dad sounded disgusted. "When you get to that size, you have troubles with breathing and walking, and lifting your legs up and going up and down the stairs, you can't stand long or run and you get rashes on your inner thighs because they rub together. That has to be a mental illness because no one would want to be that size and be okay with it. Are you sure that stuff is real and not all fake?"
"It's real," I said. "There are lot of articles about it and videos and HAES which stands for health at every size started in to 1960's so this is nothing new. This has always been around. So Shallow Hal was not making it up with that character when she over ate and ate unhealthy and just accepted her size. I thought it was only for that movie but I had no ideas people out there like that existed."
I started to read some posts from Tumblr and Dad was reacting to them and then he told me he has had enough of them and he didn't want to hear anymore.
"I bet this would be fat shaming," I joked.
"What's fat shaming?" Robbie asked.
"It's supposed to mean making fun of fat people," I said. "I guess me reading this stuff and laughing about their delusions is fat shaming them or maybe I should call it mental shaming."
I continued reading the other posts and I also read some pro ana stuff and looked at thinsperastion. I started to feel triggered and now I wanted a thinspo body. I wanted to look good as these skinny models. I guess I would eat less food and work out to tone my body so I would look great but I would not be an anorexic because I don't want to have all my bones showing. I would just continue looking at obese people so I wouldn’t want to eat too much. Some people online use those TV shows and medical videos on it as a motivation to lose weight and to keep themselves from putting on weight and they also use them to lose their appetite so they wouldn't eat. Some fat people use them too as a way to be motivated to lose weight and to keep themselves from over eating.
We arrived back at my house and Dad parked in the front and we got out. Dad helped me take my stuff out of the boot and we carried it to the front door. We went inside and Daddy was happy to see me. He also helped bring stuff inside and he put the push chair in the hallway and Dad put the car seat in the hallway too. Everything was out of the car.
“Thanks for everything,” said Daddy. “I had my phone on silencer, so I didn’t hear it.”
“It was no problem,” said Dad. “It was actually fun and we got to do something.”
“What did you do?” Daddy asked.
“Drove and got her and I got to spend time with her and we stopped at the rest stop and we ate. Her friend abandoned her at the museum in Duxford.”
“What happened?” Daddy asked.
“I will leave that for her to talk about,” Dad replied. “Sometimes you don’t realize how crazy a person is until you are on a certain topic. My first girlfriend was crazy. She might have had Bipolar, I am thinking Borderline Personality Disorder. But her mum wasn’t crazy.” Dad was referring to mine. “I am going to head out now so you guys take care.”
Dad left and Daddy closed the door. Tristian was playing with my stuff laying on the floor by crawling on it.
Daddy picked him up.
“So what happened?” Daddy asked me.
“I was talking about obesity and the effects of it and she got mad at me and dumped me off at the air museum.”
“What were you saying about it?”
“Just medical facts, and it upset her for some reason.”
“What medical facts?”
“Like what health problems it causes and how they have troubles breathing and moving and Chris said that was fat shaming and I told her it was not and it’s no different than smoking or anorexia and I told her about My 600 Pound Life and how debilitating it is for them.”
“I will get my phone.”
Daddy got his phone and then he was on it. Tristian was trying to grab at it and Daddy was telling him, “Don’t touch.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Sending her a text to see what is going on.”
Then he was done.
“Hopefully she will respond.”
I sat with Daddy. “I don’t know why she got so mad, it feels like betrayal,” I said.
“I know,” he said.
“Why do you think she got mad?”
“I don’t know, maybe it was how you said it, you lack empathy and have little.”
“I didn’t say anything bad about them,” I said.
“Maybe it was how you said it. You will act mean sometimes like you did to Tristian last week when he fell down.”
“You got mad at him for crying and you wouldn’t hold him.”
“He was fine,” I said. “He wasn’t hurt.”
“It’s called empathy,” Daddy said.
I looked on my phone and read more fat acceptance stuff. I read some of it to Daddy. He smirked at it.
“You read weird stuff,” he told me. “Do you want to play in your nursery, take your brother with you.”
I took him upstairs to the second floor that used to be Haley and Alexis’s bedroom. We had turned
Christina’s old bedroom into a guest bedroom for in case any family comes to stay. It had my crib up here and my keyboard I found for fifty pounds in a charity shop. Tristian likes to bang on the keys so I have to put it in the crib so he won’t wreck it. I had my other toys in here too like my Shopkins collection and TY Beanies and comic books and video games I found and old TV. I also had my AB clothes in here too and had up kiddy stuff. I had Tristian’s toys in here too so he would have things to play with. This was going to be a locked room when he is older and no one will be allowed in here and we will just say it’s storage if anyone knows what is up here. I also would like to have a high chair, maybe someday I will get one and a changing table too. I also keep lot of my nappies up here. I also have up kiddie wall decorations and kiddie posters. Lot of it is Disney and I also have up Shopkins wall decorations.
I played with the keyboard. I had the keys marked so I could remember the keys. I still have troubles reading music so I just copy keys I see playing in the video. I know of treble clef and bass clef. Bass clef is for the left side of the piano and treble clef is the keys on the right side. I also know of Every good Boy Does Fine and FACE and All Cars Eat Gasoline and Good Boys Don’t Fool Around. I still remember this stuff from choir but I could never read notes. I know of Do Rae Mi from early childhood from school and toys. It’s like knowing the alphabet and the sounds but not being able to read and put them together and figure out what word it makes. That is how music is for me.
I finished playing and put the keyboard away. Tristian played with his toys while I played on my phone. Chris has never called and I changed my nappy again and got my pajamas on for bed. I got Tristian changed too and dressed in his pajamas and read him a book and put him in his cot. He started crying and I just left his bedroom. Daddy came and rescued him and rocked him.
Daddy made pancakes the next morning and I had two pancakes and Tristian only had one. Daddy had accidentally made extras so he put them away in the fridge in a plastic food storage bag. I did my work outs in the living room with my WiiU system. I did crunches and lunges and arm strings. Chris still had not responded to Daddy. I wondered what she was up to on her trip without us. Daddy joined in some of the workouts with me. After I was done working out, I put my shirt back on and turned the game system off. I got on our computer and looked at the local casting Facebook groups for auditions for any short films and student films and for any plays. I had only done one play so far and a few scenes as an extra and did a very small part for a short film and I have done many auditions. I don't have a problem with them anymore and they are fun to go to. I still avoid the ones with required monologues. I couldn't remember doing any audition for a child when I had a part in a movie but I remember my parents filming me while talking to me and asking me questions and I answer so that must have been the audition. I honestly like doing film better than plays. I never liked plays, only movies. I only do plays to build up my resume.
"What are you doing?" Daddy asked.
"Looking for casting listings for acting," I said.
"Ever since your cousin has moved out, we have had less income," said Daddy. "Go easy on the gig."
"Am I making us go broke?" I asked.
"No, I am just saying we have less money now because we have to pay full mortgage now and our bills fully and on food. Don’t worry, we wouldn't have bought this house if I couldn't afford it with my income. I don't rely on others and we have my parents and your dad. I was only kidding when I told you to go easy on your gig. I know you enjoy it and it makes you happy. We just go out less now and I don't buy you many adult baby diapers anymore because of our less income."
"That is why I set up a diaper bank for myself online," I said. "See."
I showed him the delivery code website and my Amazon wish list and I had in my blog "Want to support my gig" and it had the links.
"Has anyone actually bought you any?" Dad asked.
"No," I said.
"That is because you are begging."
"Other ABDLs have done the same too, they also post their wish lists for if anyone wants to buy them diapers."
Daddy chuckled. "Are you also going to sell yourself to other men to earn some extra money?"
"I can do that, " I said.
"I was kidding. I don't want you going out and having guys pay you money to change your nappy and be your daddy."
"Just think how much money I could have, I could also do things for guys online and make money from them."
"No, they could just put your photos and videos all over the internet and they might not pay you at all."
"Then they can pay me first," I said.
"No, they could still do that."
"I could sell my used nappies," I said.
"No," said Daddy.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because then neighbors might think we are doing drugs."
"If guys were always coming here, neighbors would think we are doing drugs and then our house will get raided and I don't want this whole place destroyed. They will wreck our stuff and make a huge mess and not clean it up."
"Then I can just meet them somewhere and give them the nappies," I said.
"If that is what you want to do but I do not want any guys coming here," said Daddy.
"Really? You mean it?" I asked.
"Yes I do."
"Thank you," I said.
I was so happy.
"But do not have anyone come here," Daddy warned me.
I felt so happy, some extra money to help pay for my gig, yay. I went to my Fetlife profile and updated to I was willing to sell my used nappies and I put that in my blog too under About Me page and I posted it on my Twitter page and put it as a pinned Tweet. My only payment would be paypal or cash or check and they have to live in the London area and we meet somewhere.
Actors need survival jobs. I can't be a model due to an ugly body I have. I could join diapergals but I have an ugly body for it and I don't want any casting directors to see me there and have anyone discover me there and ruin my career. This is another good reason to not ever show my face in the ABDL community.
I looked for auditions again and found some listed and I contacted them through email sending them my headshot and resume.
I had so much fun doing this. I still hoped to have roles in actual films than just doing background work or one few lines scene.
I got off my computer and started reading monologues on Amazon Kindle.
Chris was silent all weekend and I read about fat acceptance stuff and I thought about creating a Tumblr page and shame everything, I will food shame and building shame, and health shame, I will shame everything so those poor fat acceptance people wouldn't feel left out. They were so delusional and will dismiss science and call it all fat shaming when you mention risks about obesity and health problems they have. I also learned they want to be called fat and I wondered if Chris saw herself as fat so she got upset with me when I didn't think she was. I had no idea she was that crazy. Daddy came upstairs to our room and told me Chris had blocked him on Fetlife. I went to my Fetlife profile and saw she had blocked me too.
"I am blocked too. I guess she wants nothing to do with us," I said.
"Well her choice," said Daddy.
"I found out fat people want to be called fat," I said. "Maybe Chris sees herself as fat so she took offense when I didn't think she was. Also, I think she is crazy because she doesn't think obese people don't suffer health problems or issues with walking or any joint pain and problems moving and being housebound. I wonder how she feels about those TV shows about obese people like My 600 Lb Life, or on Only Human, or Half Ton Mum, or Fat Doctor?"
"I don't know," said Daddy.
"I don't need her, fuck her, she is crazy and I don't want to be around someone who promotes that lifestyle," I said.
Daddy didn't say anything.
"I guess it doesn’t matter what she did to me, I wouldn't want her anyway as a friend or as an acquaintance. I wouldn't want her in my circle. Did she ever respond to your text?"
I wondered if she blocked our numbers.
"I sure pissed her off," I said.
I wondered how mad I had made her and if she cried and was hurt. But I also felt mad for how she treated me. I didn't need her. I don't need people like her. I decided I hated Fat Acceptance people and they deserved to be made fun of and have no respect because of their snowflake attitudes and their social justice warrior. They had the victim mentality and call everything fat shaming and see it when it's not there and dismiss medical facts about it.
"Are you fat?" I asked Daddy.
"No," he said.
I poked at his belly, "Chris might think you are because if she is fat for her belly, then so are you."
"I am not fat and this is just muscle."
"No, it's belly fat because I know what muscles look like. Do I need to show you a muscular tummy?"
"Those are body builders."
"Something I know about Fatlogic, lot of fat people will call it muscle when it's in fact body fat," I said. "Another excuse they use is they say they are big boned. No one is made to be 300 pounds. Can you have 300 pounds of muscle?"
"Depends how tall they are."
"Right, it depends on their height."
Daddy then held his arm up and said, "This is muscle, feel."
I saw his muscles showing when he held his arm up and I felt them and said, "There is fat around there."
"That is just skin."
"If you lift and burn body fat, you will build muscle and fill that in," I said again.
"A doctor told me my natural weight is 200."
"And you are twenty pounds over," I said.
"I don't have a beer belly," said Daddy.
"But if you work out, you will get a fit stomach and you will look so much better," I said. "Oops, I'm shaming you and I am so concerned about your health," I said sarcastically.
“I am fat shaming you because I am telling you how much better you would look if you started lifting some weights, I am such a fatphobic,” I continued sarcastically.
“That is how stupid they are,” I said in my normal voice.
“Why are you reading that stuff?”
“It’s interesting and at least it helped me understand Chris better, now I know she is insane.”
I went to the fatlogic website on reddit and showed Daddy one of the posts.
Daddy read it and said, “Mmm?”
“What did you think?” I asked.
“You read weird stuff. I don’t like reading these things.”
“But what did you think of the post itself.”
“There are crazy people in the world. I am not like you where I like reading this stuff and seeing people being crazy and having problems and enjoying it.”
I showed Daddy a post about someone complaining about shopping and how much she hates it because cute clothes don’t fit her.
Daddy smirked and said, “people are stupid and if she wants to wear cute close, she can lose some weight, just change what she eats and exercise than whining about clothes not fitting and expecting clothing companies to make them her size. Trying to squeeze into them, she is going to rip them.”
“There are lot of cute clothes out there, even for fat people, how big do you need to be to not fit into anything cute?” I said.
“I don’t know but if you get that big you can’t find your size, then you have an eating problem and those people have emotional issues, so they eat to deal with the emotional pain,” said Daddy.
Daddy took his glasses off and wiped the lens with his shirt.
“But there are other things they can do that make them happy like watch TV, do the computer, read, color,” I said.
“Not everyone is you and some people just prefer to eat. I know I want to eat when I am stressed but you get on my back about me eating too much so I try hard to not eat.’
“I don’t want a fat husband and have you be like those people on the TV show,” I said.
“I will not get that big Natalia, have I ever been over three hundred pounds?”
“No but I keep you from eating a lot,” I said.
“Natalia, there are food places everywhere, I can just buy food whenever I leave the house and go to work and come home, you can’t stop me from eating and I have not gotten that big ever.”
“But food costs money so if you bought food all the time, we would have less money so that makes you eat less,” I said. “Those people must be rich if they can afford to eat all that food and afford to eat out all the time and always getting fast food or ordering a pizza. How do they afford to eat a lot?”
“I don’t know.”
“Also, when I get stressed out, food is not on my mind and I forget to eat, and I am often too lazy to get off my butt and get to the kitchen to eat something, that takes effort.”
“Not everyone is you, most people eat when they are stressed.”
“But if they are so anxious and depressed, they still manage to take an effort to stuff their faces with junk food and stuff and not care about their own money and they can manage to leave the house and get some fast food.”
“It makes them happy.”
“But too much food makes you fat and if you get too fat, you then can’t do anything and then you wouldn’t be able to fit in a lot of seats and you would have a harder time finding clothes in your size and you would be breaking furniture and chairs would be uncomfortable to sit in, that is what keeps me from letting myself get that big so how can food be our friend if that is what it does to us?” I asked.
“I don’t know, some people just eat, and I don’t know what to tell you about it, people just like to eat when they are depressed or are dealing with emotional issues. Maybe they don’t want to live so they use food to feed themselves to death and they want to die.”
That made more sense.
“So, they are slowly committing suicide then,” I said.
“Are you trying to kill yourself when you don’t eat?” Daddy asked.
“No,” I said.
“But if you don’t eat enough, you will get sick and die from being too skinny.”
“I don’t let myself get that skinny and I used that as a motivation to stuff myself with sweets if my weight gets down too low and if it gets too high, I use obesity as a motivation to eat less.”
Daddy laughed. “If everyone were you, then there would be no fat people in the world.”
“I guess they don’t really care about themselves when they get too big.”
“Probably not, that is what depression is, you don’t care about anything and you feel hopeless, so they eat.”
“Please don’t ever feed yourself into obesity if you ever get depressed,” I said.
“I won’t because I have you so that will be my motivation to not use food as a coping tool. I want you to be attracted to me and because I care about you and I don’t want to put any stress on you and become your baby boy.”
‘I guess those people don’t care about their families because if they really loved them, they would be motivated by them to not let themselves get that big,” I said.
“Maybe they think they are better off without them,” Daddy suggested.
“If you got that big, I wouldn’t be feeding you and I would only feed you whenever I eat and give you what I eat,” I said.
“You’re so mean,” Daddy smiled and he laughed.
“I would love to live in a home with any obese person that is 600 pounds and they would lose weight in no time because I wouldn’t be giving into them. Also, I wonder what would happen if their families quit taking care of them, I wonder if that would make them lose the weight because they no longer had enablers?”
I felt like I was making fun of these people because Chris had pissed me off and fat Acceptance people piss me off and people who eat eat eat and not care about their families and their kids. I feel the same way about hoarders too and extreme cheapskates. I guess I am a cheapskate shamer and a hoarder shamer.
Then Tristian started saying “eat, eat eat.”
Daddy got up. “Okay, let’s get you something to eat.”
He picked him up and left our bedroom.
Chris finally did call me on Tuesday. I thought about ignoring the call but decided I better answer. Maybe she was going to make amends and tell me how right I was and how wrong she was and how she had realized this whole Fat Acceptance thing is bullshit and I never said anything about her and she made this be all about herself and she isn’t even close to being unhealthy and she is fine and she is just insecure about herself so she joined the Fat Acceptance but she had realized they were very delusional and toxic and they deny extreme obesity issues and think it’s society’s fault and their health problems had nothing to do with their size.
I answered the phone and boy was I wrong because it went like this.
“Hi Chris,” I said. “How are you?”
“Fine, did you get home okay?”
“Yes I did, my dad came and got me.”
“That’s good, I am glad you made it home okay.”
“So what did you call me for, I saw you blocked us on Fetlife?” I said.
“I didn’t want either of you guys sending me messages.”
"Did you block our number?”
I waited for her to say something else.
“I think I might have over reacted so that was why I was calling you about,” she said. “I realized I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you and you still believe in that prejudice stuff about fat people medical industry spreads and you might not have realized it. I should have educated you and told you none of that stuff is wrong you are reading about Health At Every Size.”
“What do you think of those people on the show who weight so much they can’t even leave their house or they are dealing with skin conditions because of rolls of body fat they have and what about anorexics?” I asked. “Being too skinny can kill you too and it also causes liver damage and heart problems so I cannot agree with health at every size. I also cannot accept obesity or else that is like accepting smoking or drugs or cancer. Sorry but I don’t think I can continue being your friend if you think this is all okay.”
“Not every fat person is unhealthy, you cannot tell how healthy someone is by looking at them, even skinny people can be unhealthy.”
“I already said that,” I said. “Even skinny fat is just as unhealthy as obesity so there you go, I am shaming everyone now. I also do not promote hoarding or being an extreme cheapskate, they deny their kids furniture and decent clothes and making them eat leaves and roadkill or forcing their partners to not live a normal life and having a lot of stuff in your house is also bad for your health and home because it creates mold and rodents.”
“I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you clearly don’t want to accept fat people.”
“Excuse me, my husband is also fat and if I hated fat people I wouldn’t have married him because I would have thought he wasn’t skinny enough and he doesn’t even think he is fat and I don’t see him as fat either,” I said defensively. “Just because I am aware of what obesity can do to your body and what it does to your body does not mean I don’t accept them. I just don’t accept the disease. Don’t believe me, just watch those shows online about obesity and how it affects them and come back and tell me that is all okay and tell me how phobic they are for wanting to lose weight. I don’t want that friend if they think that is all okay. I also should add I do not promote alcoholism so there you go, I am also shaming alcoholics now. Feel better?’
“Wow, you really are prejudice against us,” said Chris.
“I don’t want to be your friend anymore, bye.”
I hung up.
Chris was so delusional and crazy I couldn’t stand it. She had put this fat label on herself and let it define her and now she took offense to medical information about obesity and took offense if anyone didn’t see her as fat. Another friend gone, woo hoo.
I sat down and looked at my sides on my phone for my upcoming auditions. I started to practice them. Tristian just looked at me like I was crazy because he couldn’t understand what I was doing talking to myself and holding some papers up in my hand.
Steven came home that evening and I had made pasta and I had added in frozen peas I thawed in the microwave. I was also adding in sliced baby carrots and added in some spinach and chopped tomato.
“Look Daddy, I am playing in the kitchen,” I said.
“What is my baby girl making?” said Daddy.
“Healthy pasta, are you proud of me for cooking?” I asked.
“Yes I am.”
“I used our vegetable if you don’t mind.”
“That is okay Hun, that is what it’s for.”
I finished chopping up the baby carrots and put them all in the kettle and I finished stirring it.
“I also made brownies,” I said.
Daddy saw them on the stove.
“is this all you made?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
I got out two bowls and one toddler one and poured some pasta in and I got a spoon out of the drawer and put mine and Tristian’s on the table.
“Are you stinky?” Daddy asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“I will change you after dinner,” he said. “I know you like being messy.”
I put Tristian in the booster seat and strapped him in and put his food in front of him. Daddy got his food and sat down at the table with us.
“Chris finally called,” I said.
“What did she say?” Daddy asked.
“She thinks I am prejudice against fat people and don’t accept them just because I don’t think obesity is okay.”
“What?” Daddy asked.
“She is a fat activist and has joined them and now she defines herself as fat and takes offense if you don’t see her as fat. She denies science about it and is very delusional like the rest of them, so we are not friends anymore. I don’t want any of them in my circle. I mean what is next, accepting hoarding or smoking or drugs or cancer?”
“Wow,” said Daddy. “Sorry you had to find out your friend is crazy.”
“That is why we’re not friends anymore, she is nuts and she thinks I hate fat people.”
I got finished eating and I cut myself a brownie and I cut Tristian one too. Daddy made himself something else for dinner because he didn’t think I made a real meal and said this was not a meal because I have to have more than this.
“I added in vegetables,” I said.
“I know but this doesn’t feel like dinner for me.”
I did the dishes and then Daddy took me upstairs to change me while we had Tristian play in his room.
Too bad Chris got sucked into the Fat Activism bullshit. Maybe someday she will see their BS and leave them and then contact me again apologizing for her behavior and how wrong she was.
These were the websites Natalie was reading:
Thread Natalie had showed Steven: