Post by Bad Beth on Feb 28, 2018 23:54:05 GMT
Chapter 17
I couldn't stop thinking all day how badly I hurt Mrs. Kink. When Kelly, Amber, and Jesse all got home, I told them what I had done to Mrs. Kink.
"Hey guess what, I found out I had given my old teacher brain damage. Now she might be retarded now."
"Oh," said Kelly.
"You must have hit her pretty damn hard," said Jesse.
"It hurt my arms and hands," I said.
"Natalie, you shouldn't be bragging about hurting someone," said Grandma Del.
"But she took me and was hurting me and was going to kill me slowly," I pointed out.
"But you shouldn't brag about it."
"Would it be bad to brag if someone had killed Adolf Hitler if he never killed himself but instead someone else did?"
"Hitler was a terrible man, lot of people would disagree that it's wrong to brag about killing him."
"So why is Mrs. Kink any different? She was bad too."
"She never killed over six million people and wiping out certain kinds of people and only keeping the blond haired and blue eyed people. Did she kill any mentally ill people or the disabled?"
"She likes treating them badly and she got it from her mother apparently," I said.
"Natalie, you don't know if that was actually her mother, it might have just been a coincidence."
"What was that?" Mom asked when she overheard.
"Natalie thinks your teacher that died when you were little was her teacher's mother," Grandma Del replied.
"What teacher?"
"The one you had when we lived in Wisconsin, she died."
"Oh, how did you find that out?"
"It was all over the news, she died when you were five."
"Oh, how did she die?"
"She drank her coffee at school and she got sick and had to go to the hospital, they investigated and found out there had been cleaning stuff put in her coffee and they ruled it as an accident."
"Everyone blamed it on you," I told Mom.
"What?"
"That's why we moved out west," said Grandma Del. "We couldn't have you get taken from us and locked in an institution because you were there at the wrong time."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think it was important, it was an accident, I don't know if you actually did it or another student but someone put chemical stuff in her drink and she died. There were kid finger prints on the cup and on the container the chemical was in."
"I'm a killer," said Mom.
She sounded shocked because she said it in high pitched.
"You did it?" Grandma Del asked. "You were five."
"I have actually killed someone all these years and I never knew about it," said Mom.
"Is she Mrs. Kink's mom?" I asked.
"I don't know, she can't be."
"Natalie, did your teacher ever say who her mother was?" Grandma Del asked.
"No," I said.
"I'm a killer," my mom kept saying. She sat down in a chair in the living room saying over and over "I am a killer."
"You were five," Grandma Del shouted.
"Why did you put that stuff in her drink?" I asked.
"I don't know, that thought came to my head so I did it," said Mom. "I didn't know what I had in my mind when I did it. I just found it and I knew it was stuff adults used to clean the tables with and windows and the desks and other furniture and I poured it in her drink because I didn't like her, she was mean."
"You were five honey, you didn't do it on purpose," said Grandma Del.
"Hey at least she couldn’t abuse other kids anymore," I said.
"That is why you don't leave out any chemicals around children so it wasn't your fault. Besides the fact you were able to do it, where were the adults and why were they not watching you?"
"I always slipped away from them whenever I had the chance," said Mom. "Then you never took me there again 'cause we moved."
Mom had a hard time for the rest of the day because of the news we gave her about her old teacher. I couldn’t understand why she would be so upset about killing someone an accident if they were mean to her and to the other kids. I wouldn’t care of Veronica died or if Jason died. I didn’t care about Mrs. Kink. She was going to kill me anyway and she was hurting me and gave me severe infections and nearly killed me.
I was so glad there was a less chance of her going after me again. Now I wanted to hear what kind of head injury she will have and if she is retarded now and not smart anymore and no longer being able to drive. I wondered if she would even remember me. I felt I had killed her but her body was still alive and she would be a different person now. I wonder if she would also have amnesia.
Mom took me to my appointment the next day. It was in town this time because they have a health clinic here. It was just a one story building they built when I was in the fifth grade. Mom parked the car and we got out and went in the building. Mom checked me in while I was looking at Highlights. I did the hidden pictures looking for hidden objects. I saw someone had already marked them. That ruined it for me. I looked through the rest of the magazine and put it down. I then looked at the children books. Then I heard my name being called.
"Natalia."
"That's you," Mom said.
I put the book down and we followed this nurse through the door. She led me to the scale and I took my coat and shoes off and got on. 124 it read.
Then she took my height measurement and wrote it down. Then I stepped off and got my shoes and coat back on and went into a doctor's office. She opened the folder and had a pen with her. She wrote stuff in it and then she looked at other papers in it and said, "It looks like you grew a quarter of an inch," she told me.
"Really? How tall am I now?" I asked.
I was so happy to hear I grew.
"You are now five foot six and ¾ of an inch."
"But am I over 5 ‘6’ and a half or below it?"
"Over. You still have a little more growing to do."
"How do you know?" I asked.
"The x-rays they took, they could see it in your bones."
"How?"
"The color. I think you will grow about another ¼ of an inch and then be done. I need you to get undressed and put this one on," she said as she opened the cupboard and took out a folded gown.
Then she left.
I took my coat and shoes off again and stripped down to my diaper and catheter. I waited for her to return and she soon knocked and came in.
“Ready,” I said.
The nurse came back and she took my temperature and my blood pressure and she checked my heart and my breathing. Then she checked my pulse and then checked my ears and said I was healthy. Then she told me to hop on the bed. I got on the gurney and laid down. The nurse left and Mom and I waited for our doctor to come in.
I waited and then there was another knock at the door and my doctor came in, Dr. Will.
“Hello Natalie, how are you?” he said.
“Happy ‘cause I gave my old teacher brain damage and I hope that will keep her from hurting me again.”
“You know about what happened to her?” Mom asked him.
“I saw on the news, I am glad she returned home safely,” Dr. will replied. Then he turned to me and said, “Let’s get you checked out for those rashes.”
He lifted my gown and started checking my rashes and then he told me I am going to have to remove my diaper. I sat up and started to take my diaper off but it ripped the plastic. I got it off and I laid back down and he started feeling my rashes down there and then said they had healed very well.
“Does she still need her catheter?” Mom asked.
“I think she will be fine without it now but I would continue having her take the medicine.”
“I can go back to wearing diapers again,” I said happily.
“You must not mind wearing them,” said Dr. Will “I have never seen any patients be this happy about wearing them again.”
“She has no control over her bodily functions so what do you expect?” Mom asked.
“Lot of people feel embarrassed, so they wouldn’t show any excitement about it,” the doctor explained. “Had she been not using them?”
“Not with a catheter because the doctor told us she needed to air out so we have only been letting her wear them when we leave the house so she wouldn’t get poop all over and she has not liked it.”
“But does she like the catheter itself?”
“No,” I said.
“Is it uncomfortable?”
“No, I just don’t like wearing this thing and getting poop all over the tube and always worrying I am going to rip it out on accident.”
“She really likes her diapers,” said Mom.
“They keep me protected,” I said defensively.
“I understand,” said Dr. Will.
He checked my head and asked me if any spots where he is touching are hurting. I told him no and he asked me if I still had any sore spots and I said I didn’t anymore. Then he told my mom my head might be healed now and no more fractured skull but he would schedule an appointment to be sure and if it’s healed, they can remove the cast. Then he asked my mother if there were any questions or concerns.
“Yeah my daughter has been not eating so she has lost weight,” Mom said.
Dr. Will opened the folder with my name on it and and he was checking the charts again and then he said he sees I did lose some weight but I am still in the healthy range.
“He has bones showing, can you check her back and her chest?” Mom asked.
Dr. Will closed the folder and lifted my gown and checked my back and pressed on it and then he checked my chest and lifted my gown down and said, “she looks healthy.”
“But she has bones showing,” said Mom.
“That’s normal, having a little bit of bone showing is fine, her weight is still in the normal range at 35th percentile. If she was in the below normal range, then I would be worried.”
“But she isn’t eating and she barely ate her breakfast this morning, I don’t want her to keep losing weight until she is too thin and then you guys do something,” said Mom.
“I understand, right now I wouldn’t worry unless she gets too skinny, we don’t do anything now unless they are underweight and malnourished.”
“This is ridiculous,” Mom cried. “My daughter shouldn’t get sick before you take this seriously. She is starving herself and is losing weight, she gets bruises, she gets cold easily.”
“It’s probably low potassium so that is why she is getting those bruises,” said Dr. Will. “I can offer a nutritionist.”
“I don’t know how that will help if her therapist says she is doing it for control.”
“The only thing I would recommend is counseling and if there are any more problems, you can bring her back here. I am going to be removing her catheter now, do you need another diaper?” he asked me
"No,” I said.
I had one in my backpack.
“I will be right back,” said Dr. Will and he left.
I waited again.
Soon the doctor came back with a pair of gloves and wipes and he had an underpad with him.
He unfolded the underpad and set it on the bed and I got back on and laid down over it. Dr. Will put on the rubber gloves and he pulled the gown up and opened the wipes. He cleaned me down there and asked if I was ready.
“Yes,” I said.
“You might feel a little discomfort so just relax and take a deep breath,” he said.
I inhaled as he pulled on the tube and I exhaled, and I felt it as he pulled it out and then it was out. He took the strap off my leg and the bag and threw it all in the trash and the gloves too. The underpad got soaked from my urine after he pulled it out.
“Can she get dressed now?” Mom asked.
“Yes,” he said. “You can throw that in the trash too,” he pointed to the underpad.
Then he said he would check me out and give me the forums. He left and Mom took my diaper out of my backpack and put it on me and threw my other diaper away and the underpad. I took off my gown and got dressed and put my shoes and coat back on. The doctor came back with the papers and said I was all checked out and told her when our next appointment was to get my head checked out again and he gave a prescription to my mother for the cream for me to keep taking the cream medicine for my rashes and if there are any more problems and if the rashes get worse again, let them know. He left the office again and Mom and I left and went home. She stopped at the pharmacy first and dropped off the prescription.
When I got home, I went in the bathroom and took a bath so I could shave. I shaved my bottom and my underarms and my lower legs and let the water out. It felt so good to shave again without cutting myself. My diaper was torn again so I yelled for Mom to bring me another diaper. I sat on the toilet and waited and Mom came in and gave me a diaper. I put it on and went back in my bedroom and I put the cream on again and got dressed in my clothes again.
"When can I go back to school now?" I asked Mom when I went downstairs.
"You can go back tomorrow, let me call them and I will tell them you are ready to come back," she said.
Mom went to the kitchen and I heard her talk on the phone.
"She is doing better now and we just got back from the doctor."
I felt dampness in my crotch and it was also warm.
Oh my god, I have not felt this in a long time, it feels like it's been forever.
Everything felt back to normal now. I could finally wear my pants again too. I felt so happy. The only thing left was my head.
Mom got off the phone and told me I was going back tomorrow.
"Did she say anything about the play?" I asked.
"No."
Darn it. I guess will find out tomorrow then.
"Time to do your homework," said Mom.
I got out my homework and worked on the assignments I could do. I did Spanish again and read a story out of a literature book as directed. Then I tried on my own to write a page about it. I wrote it was a boring story I had read and I had no idea what went on in it and what happened. I wrote what page it was on and how many pages it had and how many paragraphs. I even got on the computer and typed it but put it in larger fonts to make it a page and then I printed it.
"You're doing your homework?" Grandma Del asked when she saw me putting my paper in the literature book.
"Yep, I also wrote a page all by myself without any help this time."
"Let me see."
I let Grandma Del open the book and she saw the paper and looked at it and said, "This is not a page and you didn't even do the assignment, shame on you but nice try."
"What did she do?" Mom asked.
"Come look at this," said Grandma Del.
Mom walked over here and looked at the paper and she laughed. "Sorry Natalie, I am going to have to side with your grandmother here, this is not doing your homework. The teacher actually wanted you to write about the story, not write about what you thought of it and how long it was and the length of it."
"But I didn't understand the story, how can I do the assignment if I can't understand the story?" I asked.
"I will read it and see if I can help you with it," said Grandma Del. "You go do your other schoolwork."
I worked on some math while Grandma Del read the story. After she was done, she told me who the characters were and what went on in the story. Then she told me what she thought of each character is just her opinion. Now I needed to write about the story. Grandma Del explained each part to me what happened. Mom was making some lunch and then she put my food on the table next to me.
I barely even touched it.
"Try and take a bite of that food and swallow it," said Grandma Del.
I grabbed a baby carrot and took a tiny bite.
"The whole thing," said Grandma Del.
I put the whole carrot in my mouth and chewed it and right away I spat it out on the plate.
"You needed to swallow it, not spit it out. Come on, take another one and this time swallow it."
I took one and chewed and swallowed it this time.
"You did it, see it's not so hard, now do it again," said Grandma Del.
"Mom, she might throw it up if we force her to eat," said Mom.
"Just don't let her into the bathroom and lock all the doors. Now everyone will need a key to get in."
Mom seemed to like that idea because she closed the bathroom door down here and then she went upstairs and closed the kids' bathroom door and the master bedroom bathroom door.
Grandma Del made me eat my whole lunch and I felt so disgusted. I couldn't stop thinking I was going to get fat now. I already was feeling fat. I looked at my big legs again.
"Come on skinny, do your school work," said Grandma Del.
Doing the English assignment was hard and Grandma Del wouldn't tell me what to write, she wanted me to come up with it on my own using her words. She saw it as doing my school work for me if she wrote the page and had me copy it.
"We'll go back to this one, just do your other school work."
I worked on my other assignments and then my cousins came home again and my sister.
"I have to go pee," said Amber.
She walked to the bathroom and knocked and said "Hello? Who's in there."
"Oh we have them all locked," said Mom. "I'll get you the key."
"Why?" Amber asked.
"So Natalie won’t throw up her food, Grandma thought of this idea."
"Great, this again," said Kelly.
"Natalie, stop throwing up your food so we can all go potty without having to wait," said Amber.
I felt so embarrassed. I didn’t want everyone knowing what I was doing.
Mom searched around in the drawer. "Darn, I thought I had it right here but I can't find it. Well I guess she is going to have to use one of our diapers."
"What?" Amber asked.
"Yes, we have plenty of diapers around and empty cans and the litter box or you can go outside," said Mom.
"What? Are you kidding me?"
"She is serious," said Grandma Del.
"I am not an animal and I certainly am not a guy and I am not peeing in a diaper."
"You're going to have to go soon," said Mom.
Grandma Del got up and she helped Mom look for the key and then Grandma Del used some long tool she found in one of the kitchen drawers. She used it to unlock the bathroom and Amber went in and peed.
"We're going to have to keep an eye on the kitchen so Natalie won't use one of these," Grandma Del told Mom showing her the tool.
Rufus was outside and then he was let back inside and Amber held him in her arms while she did her homework.
I didn't work on my Literature again and I decided I would do it in school. At least it would be easier.
My diaper was wetter and I could really feel the wetness because I hadn't felt it in days and I was used to the catheter. I even thought I was leaking when I felt wetness on my skin but it was all dry and the diaper was just very warm where pee had hit the plastic
Then Matthew and Jaymee were home from school. Timmy was still at the burger joint working. He goes there after school and starts his shift and he rides one of our bikes home and he even takes it to school with him so he can park it there and ride it home. Then he eats when he gets home. He wears some bright gear so cars will see him.
"Natalie, want to go see the puppies," Matthew asked.
I looked outside and it wasn't raining.
"Sure," I said.
I went upstairs and got a diaper out of my Dad's closet and changed and threw my used one away with the others. I got my coat and shoes and we headed over to the house again with Skippy. Jaymee went with us. We walked through the field and the forest and we crossed the bridge.
The family was home when we got there and we saw the female yellow lab and her puppies. But we had to knock on the door because the puppies were kept inside and they let us in and led us to the garage and we saw the tiny puppies. I learned the female dog's name was Noelle. The puppies were moving around but they were not walking yet. We were not allowed to touch them too much and play with them.
The owners also had kids and one of them was my age. His name was Patrick and he had no facial hair and he looked very much like a boy still. He didn’t even look fourteen and he still looked like a child than a teenager and he was shorter than me. He said he would be fifteen in June and he attended Battleground High School instead of Saltwater and they had just moved here during Thanksgiving break. No wonder they still had lot of stuff in the garage. He showed me his cool things and he liked working on his computer and he played the keyboard. It played different key tunes and different music tunes. The keys lit up and I played “Greensleeves.” This was a good way to learn to play certain songs without reading any music notes. I’ve always had a hard time reading notes because it’s too much to remember and so confusing so I can only memorize the keys to play. I know basic notes like Every Good Boy Does Fine and FACE and Good Boys Don’t Fool Around and All Cows eat Grass. I used two hands to play the keys to look more like a professional piano player.
“Do you have a piano at home?” Patrick asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“You ever play it?”
“Just simple songs like London Bridge or Chop Sticks.”
“Play it.”
“I will after this song,” I said.
When the song ended, I started to play London Bridge. I accidentally hit a few notes and then I found the right ones and started to play it.
“I meant Chopsticks,” said Patrick.
I stopped playing London Bridge and started to do Chopsticks. Patrick joined in too on the left side. Then I slide my hand down the keys like in the movie Big.
“Do you know Heart and Soul?” he asked.
“A little,” and I started to play it but I had to find the rights notes.
Patrick showed me and we played it together and he directed my finger to each keys. Then I was playing it on my own. I played what I only knew and then he started to play another song. It just sounded like a little tune and no song. Then he started to play the right side while still playing the left side and I started to recognize the song. I was amazed how he could play both keys at once.
“Ducktales, woo-oo,” I sang.
When he was finished, he had me play the keys and he showed me which key to hit next.
“It would be nice if each of these keys were marked,” I said.
He led me through the whole song. Then we started over and he taught me the beginning. It was only single keys we used than a bunch of them I always see with professional piano players. Now I had that Ducktales theme stuck in my head.
I was having a lot of fun here with him. I wished I had his keyboard and wanted him to give it to me.
"I wish I could have this keyboard," I said.
"Nope, sorry," he said.
"Oh man," I mimicked Sniper the fox.
I stayed for a long time and I played all the songs on his keyboard it had. I tried to read the notes on the sheet music he had and trying to find other tunes to songs to make a song I was trying to play. All I did was I kept finding tunes to other songs and I accidentally discovered beginning of Joy to the World. I also tried to make up my own tune but I couldn't make them match or even go together. It's as if everyone else knows how to do that but me.
Then soon Mom arrived to come pick us up. Kelly was with her and she looked at the puppies. My diaper was soaked by then. I didn't care that I was going home, at least I wouldn't have to walk home.
"We are going to be putting the ad in the paper to sell these puppies and we are going to mark them when they are sold," said Patrick's mother.
"Cool," I said.
"Okay," was all Mom said.
"Where do you guys live?" Patrick asked.
"Meadow Creek," I said. "It's right over there," I pointed that direction.
The mom was talking to Mom and then I heard her say, "Excuse me."
Mom was walking around looking for Matthew and Jaymee. She called for them and they came out of a bedroom. Kelly came back in from the garage.
Jaymee got her shoes on while Mom got Matthew's shoes on and we left and Mom only said "Bye, I hope you had a good evening," to the mother.
"Thanks for letting them come over," said Kelly. "And our Mom doesn't know what to say to other people or know when to walk away when someone is talking to her."
"I'm glad you told me," said Patrick's Mom.
We got in the car and went home. Dad had been sitting in the car waiting.
Dinner was already served and waiting for us to eat when we got back. I ate and so did Jaymee and Matthew and Dad. Everyone else had already ate.
"So; you kids looked at the puppies, are they getting big?" Dad asked.
"They got bigger," said Matthew. "Now they are crawling and trying to stand."
"We weren't allowed to play with them," said Jaymee.
"No because they are too little," said Dad. "Natalie, have you had enough to eat?"
"Yes," I said.
I still had lot of food on my plate.
"I need to pee again," said Jaymee.
"I'll get the key," said Dad.
I saw where he kept it and he unlocked the bathroom door for Jaymee amd put it in his pocket.
When she was done Dad said, "Don't forget to lock it."
Jaymee locked it and closed the bathroom door.
I did not finish my meal and my tummy grumbled but it was a great feeling to have.
I started to play with the piano in the art studio. I played tunes I already knew and then I tried to play it professionally using both hands and trying to find the right tune. Then Amber joined in and she played a tune and it sounded good. Then Kelly started to play and she picked up a song book and opened it and started to play a song. It was My Heart Will Go On. I watched her play the keys and I wished I could read notes but I find it so confusing when I try.
Kelly was only playing the song in a single tune and then Amber started to play the other part. Man even she could read notes.
After Kelly was done playing, Mom played a tune and she played a song from another song book. Even she can read music. She played a Disney song and she hit some wrong notes on accident but she ignored it and would then play the right notes.
“This piano is out of tune,” she said while she played.
No wonder the songs sounded a bit funny.
“When was it last tuned?” Amber asked.
“Maybe two years ago,” said Mom. “None of the kids have done piano lessons that time.”
Mom was looking at the book and at the keys a few times but she mostly looked at the book while she played using both hands.
Then Aunt Bridgett came in and sat down while Mom left the room and Aunt Bridgett started to play the next song in the book.
“I didn’t know you could play,” I said.
“I can’t,” she said.
“But you’re playing the piano,” I pointed out.
“I am only reading the music and playing the keys it’s telling me to play,” she explained. “I can’t play any expert music or be an accompanist.”
She was also using both hands to play.
I felt jealous. Why couldn’t I read music and remember the notes on the keys? I liked when they were labeled. I feel pretty stupid I can only read the notes easily on children pianos because they are color coded or have less keys but bigger ones it is so confusing because I then have to find the right keys to play a tune I know.
I went upstairs while everyone seemed to be playing the piano. Then I heard Chopsticks again and Dad ordering, “No Chopsticks and no Heart and Soul.”
I went to bed that night and it felt so good to sleep normal again. I had my fresh diaper and no more underpads and I didn't have to worry about poop.