Post by Bad Beth on Nov 16, 2016 21:51:40 GMT
Chapter 15
I couldn’t stop day dreaming about Alex. I kept on picturing him being dead and I am living anxiety and fear free. I wouldn’t have to worry anymore about turning into one of those moms who might kill their child to protect their young and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice myself. I would be willing to go behind bars to protect Tristian. I also pictured other scenarios. He is alive but he is in a wheelchair for life and I wondered what would happen then. That would be a lot of change we would have to do to accommodate his needs and we would need to get a van to accommodate his wheelchair and get a special needs car seat for him but I hoped that wouldn’t happen. I also imagined him being okay and he came home and he was still violent. I hoped that wouldn’t happen and what if the accident made him violent free? Too bad that didn’t happen with Issy. I was hoping her brain damage made her un violent but sadly she had been more violent according to Kelli’s friends while Matt says she had been doing better. But I secretly wished she didn’t survive.
Uh oh was I actually wishing for my son to be dead? Oh my god, did that make me a bad person? I just wished death on my son. I would have to keep this to myself and just pretend I am upset and grieving. I couldn’t act all fine about this or else it would open an investigation but there wouldn’t be any murder linked to me because I was here when it happened and there would be no evidence I hired someone to kill him and plus there was a witness who reported him and he was alone. Even if I did say I would kill him in self-defense and saying I will make him think I will kill him, there would still be no link to the accident. They wouldn’t be able to charge me for saying it about my kid if I had nothing to do with the accident. I was here and not at home so I wouldn’t be able to get blamed about him getting out of the house. I will still act sad and unhappy just in case because you never know if the evidence will be botched and if the police will try and link it to me because I never know if they will be corrupt.
I could make myself cry, just think of the worst that can happen and get myself all worked up so I will act all panicky and concerned but no one will know the real reason. They would just think I am worried about my son when in fact I am thinking of what if he survives and he is violent and my life is in danger or he is confined to a wheelchair and there is too much change and how will I handle it.
My mobile phone rang again. I answered it. “Hello?”
“Natalie,” said Marie. “I just talked to your husband and Alex has been taken to the Royal London Hospital. We are giving you permission to see him again. We don’t know if he will make it.”
“What’s his condition so far?” I asked.
“We don’t know so you might want to be there. You know where the hospital is?”
“No,” I said.
“You know where the Tower Bridge is? It’s close to there but more north. You need the address?”
“I think I can look it up online,” I said.
I started to type in the name and it showed on the map. “I see it,” I said.
“Good,” said Marie. “You’re able to get there?”
“Yes,” I said. “I will take the bus or underground if I have to.”
“I am sure your in laws could take you,” said Marie. “I hope he is okay.”
“Me too,” I said.
After we got done talking, I hung up and called Steven back.
Tristian woke up again and I fed him while I waited for Steven to pick up the phone. He answered.
“Steven I just called Marie. Have you heard anything new yet?”
“I said I would call you,” said Steven.
“They said I can go see Alex in the hospital again.”
“I know, Marie told me.”
“Steven, do you miss our baby?”
“Of course I do.”
“You haven’t even been asking me about him,” I said. “It’s as if you don’t even care he is here.”
“Well guys are different,” said Steven. “We don’t get as emotionally attached to babies like mums do.”
“It must have to do with mother nature because the daddy animals are hardly ever around and the mummy stays with the babies always,” I said.
“That is exactly what it is. We are wired to look out for the family and provide for them. We can be away from them but if the mum is away, she wouldn’t be able to stand it but men would be able to handle it.”
“Maybe that is why men don’t care or try as hard to see their kids or get custody when they are divorced or separated,” I said.
“I think that is it,” said Steven. “It never bothered me that Taffie got full custody.”
“But some guys do care so that is why the judge has to decide who gets full custody because they cannot agree. Did you ever have to go to court for custody?”
“No,” said Steven. “I decided I would still visit him and be in his life and she didn’t keep him from me. Plus he didn’t say he wanted to live with me. I left it up for him to decide.”
“And I bet it’s easier for guys to do that than it is for women,” I said.
“Oh it is,” said Steven.
“I want to go see Alex in the hospital,” I said.
“I am sure my Mum can take you, ask her.”
“I will,” I said. “I am going to get off the phone now and go see Alex.”
“I will meet you there,” said Steven.
We hung up and I went downstairs to tell Pam and Darrin I was going to see Alex in the hospital and Steven was going to meet me there.
“You know where he is at?” Pam asked.
“Yes the Royal London,” I said. “It’s near the Tower Bridge so I am going there, I don’t know if he is alive or how much longer it will be before he is gone.”
“Oh no,” said Pam. “I hope he will recover.”
“Natalie, how will you get there,” Darrin asked. “Do you know the way?”
“I will get the directions online and figure out how to get there,” I said.
“I will take you,” said Pam. “Let me get my coat and purse and shoes.”
I went upstairs and I packed my nappy bag and Got Tristian ready. I also got changed into my regular clothes.
I came downstairs and Pam was already ready.
“Get the push chair,” I told her.
I went out to her car and Pam came out too with the push chair. She put it in the boot while I buckled in Tristian’s carrier in the backseat and got in on the passenger side. Pam got in the car too and put her seatbelt on. She turned the ignition and pulled out of the drive way. I got out my phone and put in the hospital name on my GPS and got directions.
It took us over an hour to get there and we had to find the hospital and then Pam had to figure out where to drop me off. We found where it said emergency and Pam dropped me off there. I got the pushchair out of the boot and I got Tristian out of his carrier and put him in it. I grabbed the nappy bag and went in the building while Pam drove off to find a spot to park.
I went inside and went to the front desk. Because I had Alex on my mind, my social skills had flown out the window because I went up and said right away “Hi I’m here to see Alexander Smith and I am his mother” and I didn’t even see if she was busy or on the phone.
“Hold on,” she said on the phone.
“Hold on just a moment,” she said to me.
I waited. I tapped my fingers and foot and I bounced my legs. Then I was pacing in front of her. I am sure this was all a normal reaction in this situation.
I didn’t even pay attention to the receptionist because I didn’t pick up on she was ready for me until she said “Hey, I’m ready here.”
I looked and she was waving her hands in the air.
“I’m here to see my son, he was taken here earlier because his body was found in a reservoir,” I said.
“Name?”
“Alexander Smith.”
God why did I even keep the sperm donor’s name?
She typed and then said “Yes he was taken in around two ten in the afternoon, I am going to need to see some ID.”
I opened the nappy bag and took out my wallet and took out my ID and showed it to her.
“Are you the mother?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Who is the father?”
“He isn’t around and has never been,” I said. “But he has a stepfather though and his name is Steven Wilums.”
“Oh yeah, he already checked in and was expecting to see you.”
She told me what floor Alex was on and told me the room number and told me where the lifts were. Then she said “I am sorry this all happened, I hope he will make the recovery.”
“Me too,” I said automatically.
“Thanks,” I said and I walked off.
I looked for the lifts and rode up to the floor. I looked for the room number. I pushed Tristian around the floor looking for the room I even had to stop to ask for directions.
I found the room finally and Steven was already there. I saw Alex lying in bed with tubes attached to him and an oxygen mask over his face. This reminded me of Issy Stapleton. I had that flashback of seeing that photo of her online and she looked so innocent.
“He must be alive,” I said.
“He has a pulse,” said Steven.
“So he is alive,” I said. “What else have they said so far?”
“They don’t know if he is brain dead or if he is in a coma so they are waiting for the specialist,” said Steven quietly. He was looking down at the floor.
“I’m scared,” I said.
“I know. I wish I could say everything will be fine.”
“I mean I don’t know if he will be confined to a wheelchair and not be able to do anything or if he will still be violent,” I said.
“Let’s worry about that later,” said Steven. “We don’t have any information right now.”
“Oh I have to call your mother back to tell her I am in the room and say she can leave or not,” I said.
“Where is she?” Steven asked.
“Waiting for me somewhere,” I said.
“I’ll call her.”
He took out his phone and called her and then he started talking. “Mum, I am standing in the room with Natalia and what are you doing…oh you are waiting to see if you are taking her home or not. No I’ll give her a ride. Okay, bye.”
He hung up. “She is heading home and we will be here together.”
“Oh wait my carrier,” I said.
“Isn’t it at home?”
“No, I mean it’s in her car and how will I get home without it?” I said. “Call her back.”
Steven called her back. “Hello, Mum, we just realized Natalia still has the car seat in your car…yeah we can’t drive without it because we have nothing to put him in….I can meet you out there and get it. Okay see you, bye.”
He hung up again and told me he was meeting his mother and he will be right back with the car seat.
He left and it was just me alone. I looked at Alex again and then I hit the help button.
Few moments later I heard a voice, “Yes.”
“I have a question about my son Alex,” I said. “Do you guys know anything about his current status like if he is brain dead or alive or what?”
A moment later they said they would send someone.”
I sat down and took out my 3DS. I decided to play Pokemon Shuffle to level up my Pokemon.
Soon a nurse came in.
“Is he alive?” I asked.
“Hold on a moment,” she said.
She started checking him and then checking the tubes and the bag. I felt a little anxious. Why was I anxious? Was I hoping for some good news or some bad news?
I paced around the room.
“He still has a pulse but he still is unresponsive,” said the nurse. “We are still waiting for the specialist and he will know if he is in a coma or brain dead.”
“When will the specialist get here and how long will that be?” I asked.
“I don’t know but I will find out. He is backed up right now because of other patients who were also in accidents.”
“Whoa there were that many accidents here in London?” I asked.
“Yes it doesn’t happen often that we get lot of patients here who were in car wrecks or assaulted and your son was in the pond so the specialist is busy with the other patients figuring out if they have any brain activity but he will get here soon.”
She left and I waited again. I played my 3DS and Steven returned with the carrier.
We sat and waited and Steven held Tristian. I then needed a new nappy again because I had just wet it and it was very soaked. There was a little bench to change me on.
“Uh Steven, I need changed,” I said.
“I can’t do it here,” he said.
“Yes you can. Alex isn’t awake and no one else is in the room but us and Tristian is too young to remember.”
“I just don’t want anyone coming in here and see me changing you.”
“We can close the door and they will have to knock or we can just lock it if you are afraid they will just walk in here.”
“Okay, lay down,” said Steven.
Steven put Tristian in the pram and I lied down. Steven closed the door and opened the nappy bag and took out a nappy and wipes and rash cream. “You didn’t bring a changing pad. I will see if they have a towel.”
Steven looked in the bathroom and came out with one and he put it down and then he pulled down my trousers. He undid the nappy and he wiped the urine off my bottom. Then he pulled the old nappy away and put the clean one under me. He put rash cream on my pussy and then wiped the cream off his fingers on the nappy and put it on me. He rolled my wet nappy up and threw it away in the rubbish. I pull the trousers back up. It felt so good to feel dry again.
“That nappy was very wet dear, you need to change more,” said Steven after he washed his hands.
“I don’t want to waste them and I forgot,” I said.
“I know, that is why I’m here.”
We still sat around and we watched TV. Steven was watching US politics about running for president for their upcoming presidential election. I did my computer I had brought along. I connected to their internet service.
I started to get hungry again and then my tummy was grumbling. I ignored it and I kept looking on my computer. Alex had not moved and I could hear the machines that were attached to him. I saw he still had a heartbeat.
“Are you hungry?” Steven asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Let’s get some food.”
We left the room with Tristian. I pushed the pushchair to the lifts and we headed for the cafeteria. We found a restaurant and got seated. We ordered our food and we talked.
“Can you imagine if Alex were brain dead, that would mean I wouldn’t have to worry about his abuse,” I said.
“Natalia,” said Steven and he put his finger over his mouth. “I wouldn’t talk about that here.”
“Why not?” I asked.
Steven got closer to me. “We’re in a public place and you never know who could over hear so it’s best to not talk about this.”
“Why?”
“I will tell you later.”
“Okay.”
We waited for our food and I fed Tristian and soon our food came and we ate. Steven paid and they got the card and brought back the bill and Steven signed it. Then we left and headed back to the hospital room.
“I wonder if the specialist had come yet,” I said.
We got back to the room and Alex was still in the same condition.
I called the help button again.
“Natalia, what did you do?” Steven asked.
“I want to see if the specialist had come yet,” I said.
“Yes,” said the intercom.
“Has the specialist seen my son yet?” I asked.
“Um no he should be in shortly, he is just getting done with the last patient.”
“This is crazy,” I said.
“They need more specialists,” said Steven. “They shouldn’t keep a Mum waiting for the news of her child.”
Steven watched more TV while I played more of my computer. Then I looked at some magazines. Soon a doctor came in. “Hi, I am the specialist for traumatic head injuries and for comas. I am going to do a checkup here on your son to see if he has any brain activity.”
The doctor started to do his work. It took him a while and then he said, “Mmmmm this doesn’t look good.”
“Is he dead or alive?” I asked.
“I see no signs of brain activity,” he said.
I felt numbed again. I had a dead child.
“Let me keep checking, sometimes there is still brain activity.”
He kept checking and then he said. “Nope, doesn’t look like it. I’m very sorry.” He then told me he will be getting someone to discuss this with me. He left and we waited again.
I felt like I was in a dream.
“I guess this is the end for me,” I said.
“No it’s not the end, we will live through it,” said Steven.
“No I mean the end of my intense fear and the anxiety. I will have less stress. Steven why did you tell me in the restaurant I shouldn’t talk about it?”
“Because someone could over hear and take it out of context and it can be used against you if there is an investigation to rule out any homicides to rule it as an accident,” Steven explained.
“But it was an accident,” I said. “I wasn’t even there when it happened and he fell in the pond.”
“It was a reservoir,” Steven corrected. “It was an accident because we always keep everything locked but that one night someone forgot to lock the door so he got out while we were all sleeping. We reported him missing and I went looking for him. I told some of our neighbors. I did what I was supposed to do and I didn’t tell you any of it until he was found.”
“So why would I be the suspect, they wouldn’t find any evidence against me because there was no link between me and his disappearance,” I said.
“Yes but you have already said some stuff and that can be used against you and you would have to prove you had nothing to do with it.”
“I hope that won’t happen,” I said.
“It won’t, there is no evidence and they can look but they won’t find any unless you have been putting online that you want to kill him or finding ways to do it but then again they would have to prove you actually made him disappear and they will try and look for evidence you planned it while you were away but I don’t think it will happen.”
“Why?”
“Because you didn’t hire anyone, you didn’t leave any notes or make any payments to anyone and you were not home when someone forgot to lock the dining room door and you never tried to kill him so they won’t find anything against you and you have alibis. It was that one time thing when you said it to Christina and I but not to anyone else.”
“But what if they find stuff that looks bad and they use it against us?” I asked.
“We’ll worry about it when it happens,” said Steven. “Right now let’s not worry about what could happen, we’ll worry if it does.”
I felt so glad I never said that to anyone outside my family. I knew that would look so bad and good thing I never posted anything against my son on social media.
Then another doctor came in the room. “Hi,” he smiled. “I understand you both got the news your son is brain dead.”
“Yes,” said Steven. He started to talk and then the doctor told us about what was found in Alex and how they determine someone is brain dead. He also explained how Alex got brain dead. When he fell in the reservoir, he was in there for maybe twenty minutes and oxygen got cut off to his brain before they found his body and was taken out. Then he said there was a city worker who arrived at the reservoir and he saw a body floating and called 999.
“Why didn’t anyone pull him out, someone saw him go in there and they didn’t even bother going after him?” I asked.
“I know,” said the doctor.
“Just why didn’t that person go after him?”
“I don’t know.”
“So when will you guys be pulling the life support off him?” I asked.
“Some people prefer to wait a week or more to see if there is any brain activity because sometimes a doctor can be wrong and some families need time to grieve so they might not want them taken off life support just yet and they might have a hard time accepting it. It’s is all up to you guys what you want to do. We could leave him on life support for a little longer and then take him off.”
We discussed our options and our plans for what to do with the body. I wanted it cremated and have his ashes spread back in America and I wanted to keep some with me so I still have part of him with me and I could give other ashes to my relatives. I thought about where to spread his ashes. I thought about Saltwater, Washington where I grew up, I thought about Seattle at Aunt Elizabeth’s house and Uncle Tom’s and I thought about my house here. So far I was taking this all well.
I decided to hold off a week before pulling the machine. Steven was fine with my decision and the doctor said “Okay. I have never seen anyone handle this news well.”
“Really?” I asked. “How do they react? Do they like cry?”
“It’s always difficult for them to accept the news and for them to decide what they want and some have a hard time letting them go.”
“At least I’m handling this well,” I said.
“It can take a few days for it to all kick in,” said the doctor. “You might be handling this all well now but then two days later you might all of a sudden start grieving.”
The doctor left and Steven and I sat.
“I guess I got my wish,” I said.
“What wish?”
“That he will no longer be violent and this happened.”
“No this was all an accident. You didn’t do this,” said Steven.
“I know. But they always say ‘be careful what you wish for.’”
“This was a big coincidence. You didn’t do it. Don’t start blaming yourself.”
“I know I didn’t do it,” I said. “It’s just that I was wishing he wouldn’t be so violent and this happened.”
Steven and I stared at Alex and then Steven asked me if I was ready to go home.
“Yes,” I said.
We got our things ready and we left the room with Tristian while Steven carried the carrier. We stopped at the counter and told the receptionist we were going home and to keep us updated about any new about our son.
We headed to the lifts and rode to the main floor and left the building and headed to the car park. I followed Steven.
We got to his car and he put the carrier in the backseat and I strapped Tristian in while Steven put the pram in the boot. We got in and I buckled in.
We left the car park and I said, “Now what is going to happen?”
“Well we just go home and call Marie tomorrow and tell her the sad news and you continue going to therapy because you are in the early stages of grief. Sometimes people are fine when someone they know dies but then days later it hits them hard. Then we wait a week for the news and if nothing happens, we will go back and have them take his lifeless body off support and then we will arrange the cremation for and a memorial service or whatever you want. You can do a funeral or just have him cremated and send his ashes to anywhere you want and be it.”
I was going to have a lot of thinking to do and I would have sad news to break to my mother when she comes to visit and I was going to have to tell my dad too and tell Christina, I was going to have to put it all on Facebook just to tell everyone so word would spread.
This was going to be a beginning of my new life. Life without Alex and the abuse and hello normal world, I hope. Too bad Kelli couldn’t be lucky as me. At least I didn’t snap and end anyone’s life or attempted to. If there were a god and I were religious, I would say this was his way of saving me and sparing my life and Tristian’s and taking Alex with him to take care of.
The End
Stay tuned for the next story, a sequel to this where it continues from this story. In the next story Natalie’s grief will hit hard and then she is facing investigation from the police and them trying to find evidence against her and the Wilums family have to hire a detective to investigate why Alex took off that night and what his motive was. Plus will Natalie have a sad good bye to do? Will she be facing any criminal charges for the accident or be let go and have everything be dropped?
I couldn’t stop day dreaming about Alex. I kept on picturing him being dead and I am living anxiety and fear free. I wouldn’t have to worry anymore about turning into one of those moms who might kill their child to protect their young and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice myself. I would be willing to go behind bars to protect Tristian. I also pictured other scenarios. He is alive but he is in a wheelchair for life and I wondered what would happen then. That would be a lot of change we would have to do to accommodate his needs and we would need to get a van to accommodate his wheelchair and get a special needs car seat for him but I hoped that wouldn’t happen. I also imagined him being okay and he came home and he was still violent. I hoped that wouldn’t happen and what if the accident made him violent free? Too bad that didn’t happen with Issy. I was hoping her brain damage made her un violent but sadly she had been more violent according to Kelli’s friends while Matt says she had been doing better. But I secretly wished she didn’t survive.
Uh oh was I actually wishing for my son to be dead? Oh my god, did that make me a bad person? I just wished death on my son. I would have to keep this to myself and just pretend I am upset and grieving. I couldn’t act all fine about this or else it would open an investigation but there wouldn’t be any murder linked to me because I was here when it happened and there would be no evidence I hired someone to kill him and plus there was a witness who reported him and he was alone. Even if I did say I would kill him in self-defense and saying I will make him think I will kill him, there would still be no link to the accident. They wouldn’t be able to charge me for saying it about my kid if I had nothing to do with the accident. I was here and not at home so I wouldn’t be able to get blamed about him getting out of the house. I will still act sad and unhappy just in case because you never know if the evidence will be botched and if the police will try and link it to me because I never know if they will be corrupt.
I could make myself cry, just think of the worst that can happen and get myself all worked up so I will act all panicky and concerned but no one will know the real reason. They would just think I am worried about my son when in fact I am thinking of what if he survives and he is violent and my life is in danger or he is confined to a wheelchair and there is too much change and how will I handle it.
My mobile phone rang again. I answered it. “Hello?”
“Natalie,” said Marie. “I just talked to your husband and Alex has been taken to the Royal London Hospital. We are giving you permission to see him again. We don’t know if he will make it.”
“What’s his condition so far?” I asked.
“We don’t know so you might want to be there. You know where the hospital is?”
“No,” I said.
“You know where the Tower Bridge is? It’s close to there but more north. You need the address?”
“I think I can look it up online,” I said.
I started to type in the name and it showed on the map. “I see it,” I said.
“Good,” said Marie. “You’re able to get there?”
“Yes,” I said. “I will take the bus or underground if I have to.”
“I am sure your in laws could take you,” said Marie. “I hope he is okay.”
“Me too,” I said.
After we got done talking, I hung up and called Steven back.
Tristian woke up again and I fed him while I waited for Steven to pick up the phone. He answered.
“Steven I just called Marie. Have you heard anything new yet?”
“I said I would call you,” said Steven.
“They said I can go see Alex in the hospital again.”
“I know, Marie told me.”
“Steven, do you miss our baby?”
“Of course I do.”
“You haven’t even been asking me about him,” I said. “It’s as if you don’t even care he is here.”
“Well guys are different,” said Steven. “We don’t get as emotionally attached to babies like mums do.”
“It must have to do with mother nature because the daddy animals are hardly ever around and the mummy stays with the babies always,” I said.
“That is exactly what it is. We are wired to look out for the family and provide for them. We can be away from them but if the mum is away, she wouldn’t be able to stand it but men would be able to handle it.”
“Maybe that is why men don’t care or try as hard to see their kids or get custody when they are divorced or separated,” I said.
“I think that is it,” said Steven. “It never bothered me that Taffie got full custody.”
“But some guys do care so that is why the judge has to decide who gets full custody because they cannot agree. Did you ever have to go to court for custody?”
“No,” said Steven. “I decided I would still visit him and be in his life and she didn’t keep him from me. Plus he didn’t say he wanted to live with me. I left it up for him to decide.”
“And I bet it’s easier for guys to do that than it is for women,” I said.
“Oh it is,” said Steven.
“I want to go see Alex in the hospital,” I said.
“I am sure my Mum can take you, ask her.”
“I will,” I said. “I am going to get off the phone now and go see Alex.”
“I will meet you there,” said Steven.
We hung up and I went downstairs to tell Pam and Darrin I was going to see Alex in the hospital and Steven was going to meet me there.
“You know where he is at?” Pam asked.
“Yes the Royal London,” I said. “It’s near the Tower Bridge so I am going there, I don’t know if he is alive or how much longer it will be before he is gone.”
“Oh no,” said Pam. “I hope he will recover.”
“Natalie, how will you get there,” Darrin asked. “Do you know the way?”
“I will get the directions online and figure out how to get there,” I said.
“I will take you,” said Pam. “Let me get my coat and purse and shoes.”
I went upstairs and I packed my nappy bag and Got Tristian ready. I also got changed into my regular clothes.
I came downstairs and Pam was already ready.
“Get the push chair,” I told her.
I went out to her car and Pam came out too with the push chair. She put it in the boot while I buckled in Tristian’s carrier in the backseat and got in on the passenger side. Pam got in the car too and put her seatbelt on. She turned the ignition and pulled out of the drive way. I got out my phone and put in the hospital name on my GPS and got directions.
It took us over an hour to get there and we had to find the hospital and then Pam had to figure out where to drop me off. We found where it said emergency and Pam dropped me off there. I got the pushchair out of the boot and I got Tristian out of his carrier and put him in it. I grabbed the nappy bag and went in the building while Pam drove off to find a spot to park.
I went inside and went to the front desk. Because I had Alex on my mind, my social skills had flown out the window because I went up and said right away “Hi I’m here to see Alexander Smith and I am his mother” and I didn’t even see if she was busy or on the phone.
“Hold on,” she said on the phone.
“Hold on just a moment,” she said to me.
I waited. I tapped my fingers and foot and I bounced my legs. Then I was pacing in front of her. I am sure this was all a normal reaction in this situation.
I didn’t even pay attention to the receptionist because I didn’t pick up on she was ready for me until she said “Hey, I’m ready here.”
I looked and she was waving her hands in the air.
“I’m here to see my son, he was taken here earlier because his body was found in a reservoir,” I said.
“Name?”
“Alexander Smith.”
God why did I even keep the sperm donor’s name?
She typed and then said “Yes he was taken in around two ten in the afternoon, I am going to need to see some ID.”
I opened the nappy bag and took out my wallet and took out my ID and showed it to her.
“Are you the mother?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Who is the father?”
“He isn’t around and has never been,” I said. “But he has a stepfather though and his name is Steven Wilums.”
“Oh yeah, he already checked in and was expecting to see you.”
She told me what floor Alex was on and told me the room number and told me where the lifts were. Then she said “I am sorry this all happened, I hope he will make the recovery.”
“Me too,” I said automatically.
“Thanks,” I said and I walked off.
I looked for the lifts and rode up to the floor. I looked for the room number. I pushed Tristian around the floor looking for the room I even had to stop to ask for directions.
I found the room finally and Steven was already there. I saw Alex lying in bed with tubes attached to him and an oxygen mask over his face. This reminded me of Issy Stapleton. I had that flashback of seeing that photo of her online and she looked so innocent.
“He must be alive,” I said.
“He has a pulse,” said Steven.
“So he is alive,” I said. “What else have they said so far?”
“They don’t know if he is brain dead or if he is in a coma so they are waiting for the specialist,” said Steven quietly. He was looking down at the floor.
“I’m scared,” I said.
“I know. I wish I could say everything will be fine.”
“I mean I don’t know if he will be confined to a wheelchair and not be able to do anything or if he will still be violent,” I said.
“Let’s worry about that later,” said Steven. “We don’t have any information right now.”
“Oh I have to call your mother back to tell her I am in the room and say she can leave or not,” I said.
“Where is she?” Steven asked.
“Waiting for me somewhere,” I said.
“I’ll call her.”
He took out his phone and called her and then he started talking. “Mum, I am standing in the room with Natalia and what are you doing…oh you are waiting to see if you are taking her home or not. No I’ll give her a ride. Okay, bye.”
He hung up. “She is heading home and we will be here together.”
“Oh wait my carrier,” I said.
“Isn’t it at home?”
“No, I mean it’s in her car and how will I get home without it?” I said. “Call her back.”
Steven called her back. “Hello, Mum, we just realized Natalia still has the car seat in your car…yeah we can’t drive without it because we have nothing to put him in….I can meet you out there and get it. Okay see you, bye.”
He hung up again and told me he was meeting his mother and he will be right back with the car seat.
He left and it was just me alone. I looked at Alex again and then I hit the help button.
Few moments later I heard a voice, “Yes.”
“I have a question about my son Alex,” I said. “Do you guys know anything about his current status like if he is brain dead or alive or what?”
A moment later they said they would send someone.”
I sat down and took out my 3DS. I decided to play Pokemon Shuffle to level up my Pokemon.
Soon a nurse came in.
“Is he alive?” I asked.
“Hold on a moment,” she said.
She started checking him and then checking the tubes and the bag. I felt a little anxious. Why was I anxious? Was I hoping for some good news or some bad news?
I paced around the room.
“He still has a pulse but he still is unresponsive,” said the nurse. “We are still waiting for the specialist and he will know if he is in a coma or brain dead.”
“When will the specialist get here and how long will that be?” I asked.
“I don’t know but I will find out. He is backed up right now because of other patients who were also in accidents.”
“Whoa there were that many accidents here in London?” I asked.
“Yes it doesn’t happen often that we get lot of patients here who were in car wrecks or assaulted and your son was in the pond so the specialist is busy with the other patients figuring out if they have any brain activity but he will get here soon.”
She left and I waited again. I played my 3DS and Steven returned with the carrier.
We sat and waited and Steven held Tristian. I then needed a new nappy again because I had just wet it and it was very soaked. There was a little bench to change me on.
“Uh Steven, I need changed,” I said.
“I can’t do it here,” he said.
“Yes you can. Alex isn’t awake and no one else is in the room but us and Tristian is too young to remember.”
“I just don’t want anyone coming in here and see me changing you.”
“We can close the door and they will have to knock or we can just lock it if you are afraid they will just walk in here.”
“Okay, lay down,” said Steven.
Steven put Tristian in the pram and I lied down. Steven closed the door and opened the nappy bag and took out a nappy and wipes and rash cream. “You didn’t bring a changing pad. I will see if they have a towel.”
Steven looked in the bathroom and came out with one and he put it down and then he pulled down my trousers. He undid the nappy and he wiped the urine off my bottom. Then he pulled the old nappy away and put the clean one under me. He put rash cream on my pussy and then wiped the cream off his fingers on the nappy and put it on me. He rolled my wet nappy up and threw it away in the rubbish. I pull the trousers back up. It felt so good to feel dry again.
“That nappy was very wet dear, you need to change more,” said Steven after he washed his hands.
“I don’t want to waste them and I forgot,” I said.
“I know, that is why I’m here.”
We still sat around and we watched TV. Steven was watching US politics about running for president for their upcoming presidential election. I did my computer I had brought along. I connected to their internet service.
I started to get hungry again and then my tummy was grumbling. I ignored it and I kept looking on my computer. Alex had not moved and I could hear the machines that were attached to him. I saw he still had a heartbeat.
“Are you hungry?” Steven asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Let’s get some food.”
We left the room with Tristian. I pushed the pushchair to the lifts and we headed for the cafeteria. We found a restaurant and got seated. We ordered our food and we talked.
“Can you imagine if Alex were brain dead, that would mean I wouldn’t have to worry about his abuse,” I said.
“Natalia,” said Steven and he put his finger over his mouth. “I wouldn’t talk about that here.”
“Why not?” I asked.
Steven got closer to me. “We’re in a public place and you never know who could over hear so it’s best to not talk about this.”
“Why?”
“I will tell you later.”
“Okay.”
We waited for our food and I fed Tristian and soon our food came and we ate. Steven paid and they got the card and brought back the bill and Steven signed it. Then we left and headed back to the hospital room.
“I wonder if the specialist had come yet,” I said.
We got back to the room and Alex was still in the same condition.
I called the help button again.
“Natalia, what did you do?” Steven asked.
“I want to see if the specialist had come yet,” I said.
“Yes,” said the intercom.
“Has the specialist seen my son yet?” I asked.
“Um no he should be in shortly, he is just getting done with the last patient.”
“This is crazy,” I said.
“They need more specialists,” said Steven. “They shouldn’t keep a Mum waiting for the news of her child.”
Steven watched more TV while I played more of my computer. Then I looked at some magazines. Soon a doctor came in. “Hi, I am the specialist for traumatic head injuries and for comas. I am going to do a checkup here on your son to see if he has any brain activity.”
The doctor started to do his work. It took him a while and then he said, “Mmmmm this doesn’t look good.”
“Is he dead or alive?” I asked.
“I see no signs of brain activity,” he said.
I felt numbed again. I had a dead child.
“Let me keep checking, sometimes there is still brain activity.”
He kept checking and then he said. “Nope, doesn’t look like it. I’m very sorry.” He then told me he will be getting someone to discuss this with me. He left and we waited again.
I felt like I was in a dream.
“I guess this is the end for me,” I said.
“No it’s not the end, we will live through it,” said Steven.
“No I mean the end of my intense fear and the anxiety. I will have less stress. Steven why did you tell me in the restaurant I shouldn’t talk about it?”
“Because someone could over hear and take it out of context and it can be used against you if there is an investigation to rule out any homicides to rule it as an accident,” Steven explained.
“But it was an accident,” I said. “I wasn’t even there when it happened and he fell in the pond.”
“It was a reservoir,” Steven corrected. “It was an accident because we always keep everything locked but that one night someone forgot to lock the door so he got out while we were all sleeping. We reported him missing and I went looking for him. I told some of our neighbors. I did what I was supposed to do and I didn’t tell you any of it until he was found.”
“So why would I be the suspect, they wouldn’t find any evidence against me because there was no link between me and his disappearance,” I said.
“Yes but you have already said some stuff and that can be used against you and you would have to prove you had nothing to do with it.”
“I hope that won’t happen,” I said.
“It won’t, there is no evidence and they can look but they won’t find any unless you have been putting online that you want to kill him or finding ways to do it but then again they would have to prove you actually made him disappear and they will try and look for evidence you planned it while you were away but I don’t think it will happen.”
“Why?”
“Because you didn’t hire anyone, you didn’t leave any notes or make any payments to anyone and you were not home when someone forgot to lock the dining room door and you never tried to kill him so they won’t find anything against you and you have alibis. It was that one time thing when you said it to Christina and I but not to anyone else.”
“But what if they find stuff that looks bad and they use it against us?” I asked.
“We’ll worry about it when it happens,” said Steven. “Right now let’s not worry about what could happen, we’ll worry if it does.”
I felt so glad I never said that to anyone outside my family. I knew that would look so bad and good thing I never posted anything against my son on social media.
Then another doctor came in the room. “Hi,” he smiled. “I understand you both got the news your son is brain dead.”
“Yes,” said Steven. He started to talk and then the doctor told us about what was found in Alex and how they determine someone is brain dead. He also explained how Alex got brain dead. When he fell in the reservoir, he was in there for maybe twenty minutes and oxygen got cut off to his brain before they found his body and was taken out. Then he said there was a city worker who arrived at the reservoir and he saw a body floating and called 999.
“Why didn’t anyone pull him out, someone saw him go in there and they didn’t even bother going after him?” I asked.
“I know,” said the doctor.
“Just why didn’t that person go after him?”
“I don’t know.”
“So when will you guys be pulling the life support off him?” I asked.
“Some people prefer to wait a week or more to see if there is any brain activity because sometimes a doctor can be wrong and some families need time to grieve so they might not want them taken off life support just yet and they might have a hard time accepting it. It’s is all up to you guys what you want to do. We could leave him on life support for a little longer and then take him off.”
We discussed our options and our plans for what to do with the body. I wanted it cremated and have his ashes spread back in America and I wanted to keep some with me so I still have part of him with me and I could give other ashes to my relatives. I thought about where to spread his ashes. I thought about Saltwater, Washington where I grew up, I thought about Seattle at Aunt Elizabeth’s house and Uncle Tom’s and I thought about my house here. So far I was taking this all well.
I decided to hold off a week before pulling the machine. Steven was fine with my decision and the doctor said “Okay. I have never seen anyone handle this news well.”
“Really?” I asked. “How do they react? Do they like cry?”
“It’s always difficult for them to accept the news and for them to decide what they want and some have a hard time letting them go.”
“At least I’m handling this well,” I said.
“It can take a few days for it to all kick in,” said the doctor. “You might be handling this all well now but then two days later you might all of a sudden start grieving.”
The doctor left and Steven and I sat.
“I guess I got my wish,” I said.
“What wish?”
“That he will no longer be violent and this happened.”
“No this was all an accident. You didn’t do this,” said Steven.
“I know. But they always say ‘be careful what you wish for.’”
“This was a big coincidence. You didn’t do it. Don’t start blaming yourself.”
“I know I didn’t do it,” I said. “It’s just that I was wishing he wouldn’t be so violent and this happened.”
Steven and I stared at Alex and then Steven asked me if I was ready to go home.
“Yes,” I said.
We got our things ready and we left the room with Tristian while Steven carried the carrier. We stopped at the counter and told the receptionist we were going home and to keep us updated about any new about our son.
We headed to the lifts and rode to the main floor and left the building and headed to the car park. I followed Steven.
We got to his car and he put the carrier in the backseat and I strapped Tristian in while Steven put the pram in the boot. We got in and I buckled in.
We left the car park and I said, “Now what is going to happen?”
“Well we just go home and call Marie tomorrow and tell her the sad news and you continue going to therapy because you are in the early stages of grief. Sometimes people are fine when someone they know dies but then days later it hits them hard. Then we wait a week for the news and if nothing happens, we will go back and have them take his lifeless body off support and then we will arrange the cremation for and a memorial service or whatever you want. You can do a funeral or just have him cremated and send his ashes to anywhere you want and be it.”
I was going to have a lot of thinking to do and I would have sad news to break to my mother when she comes to visit and I was going to have to tell my dad too and tell Christina, I was going to have to put it all on Facebook just to tell everyone so word would spread.
This was going to be a beginning of my new life. Life without Alex and the abuse and hello normal world, I hope. Too bad Kelli couldn’t be lucky as me. At least I didn’t snap and end anyone’s life or attempted to. If there were a god and I were religious, I would say this was his way of saving me and sparing my life and Tristian’s and taking Alex with him to take care of.
The End
Stay tuned for the next story, a sequel to this where it continues from this story. In the next story Natalie’s grief will hit hard and then she is facing investigation from the police and them trying to find evidence against her and the Wilums family have to hire a detective to investigate why Alex took off that night and what his motive was. Plus will Natalie have a sad good bye to do? Will she be facing any criminal charges for the accident or be let go and have everything be dropped?