Natalie and the Incontinent Woman Dec 2, 2015 10:45:13 GMT
Post by Bad Beth on Dec 2, 2015 10:45:13 GMT
I was upset with myself. Daddy had promised me a eshop card if I acted like an adult today but I had failed because I had forgotten and started to grab myself down there after I had felt wetness in my crotch. I am incontinent from being in a car accident as a child so I can't feel my bowels and bladder but I can feel my nappy getting warm and wet and sometimes I don't even notice if I am not paying any attention. Daddy had caught me and he grabbed my arm and I had just realized what I had just done. I told him I had forgotten and didn't realize I had done it until he had grabbed my arm.
We came home with the kids and I took my stuff off. I went upstairs to be alone.
"Natalia," Daddy called.
I didn't respond. I just went in my room and closed the door and went on my computer.
I heard Daddy coming up and he opened our door.
"Natalia, you still get your card."
"Why?" I asked. "You told me if I acted like an adult today, no touching myself down there or masturbating or trying to hide it, I can buy a eshop card."
"I don't expect my little girl to be perfect, you did your best and you did a good job. Just as long as you tried, you still get your reward."
I felt better. "So even if I failed, I can still get my rewards," I said.
"Just as long as you try and you did, it was only that one time when it happened so why would I punish you for that and you didn't do it again after I stopped you. So which card do you want to buy."
"Fifty pounds," I say.
"Okay get it."
I went to Paypal digital gifts and selected Nintendo eshop and selected the biggest card. I logged in and paid and then waited for my code. I felt so happy again.
"I can tell you're very excited, time for me to check you."
Daddy stuck his hand down the back of my nappy and he also felt my crotch area. "I think you need changed."
I am not allowed to say no to nappy changes. Daddy got the supplies ready and I went on Reddit. Then he took my computer away and grabbed my arm and took me to the bed. I laid down on the changing pad and he took off my trousers. He rubbed my wet nappy and pressed it against my crotch. Then he put my dummy in my mouth and handed me my clean nappy for me to play with. He undid the tabs and took out a baby wipe and he wiped me down there. Then he lifted my legs and wiped my butt crack. He took out another wipe and continued wiping me. He massaged the wipe around my bottom. Then he took my clean nappy and unfolded it and lifted my legs again and he took the wet nappy away and put the clean nappy under me. He rubbed rash cream all over me down there and wiped his finger on the clean nappy. Then he pulled it up between my legs and taped it closed. He had just finished the last one when our door open and it was my step son Landon.
"Dad, I-oh sorry, oh my god."
He saw us together and closed our door right away apologizing and he had looked away right when he saw us.
Daddy just laughed. I did too.
"I wonder if he thinks we had sex," I said.
"Probably but I won't ask."
"I wonder if he also knew I just had my nappy changed."
Daddy put my trousers back on and he took my wet nappy and threw it away in the bathroom and washed his hands.
I got back on my computer and Daddy took his computer and brought it downstairs with him.
I kept thinking about Landon and what he thought of us when he saw I just had my nappy changed. I wondered if he knew or if he thought his dad was about to change me or did he see my wet nappy? I wondered what he thought if he knew but I would never ask. That was something new to write about in my blog.
I went to Wordpress and wrote about it. It wasn't very long and I wrote what his reaction was. I titled the post, Caught by my step son.
Then I published it and I read other new blog entries by other people who I was following.
Then I went to my email and got the code and I opened my 3DS and went to eshop and went to Add Funds and put in the code. Then fifty pounds was added. Then I went to my wish list to decide what games to download.
Here is another issue I have, deciding on what games to download.
I had a bunch of old Sonic games and other classic games and Picross games. I even had Pokedex 3D Pro and DSiWare games. I also had Kirby's Fighter's Deluxe and Dedede's Drum Dash Deluxe, Pokemon Dream Radar, some NES games, Game Boy games. Then I looked at the price drops to see what games were on sale. I also looked at the retail games. I didn't want to use chunks of my money on one game.
Daddy came in our room again.
"Hey guess what?" he said.
"What?" I asked.
"I have been talking to a woman online and she is bowel incontinent just like you."
"Really? What kind?"
"I don't know, she only told me she is but she still has bladder control, she just can't make it to the toilet for her number two's."
"How bad is it?"
"I don't know."
"You didn't ask her?"
"She didn't go into any detail but I have told her about you."
"What did you say about me?"
"That you have Asperger's, also bowel incontinence and bladder, you have a son that is autistic, and you also deal with anxiety."
"Why did you tell her those things?" I asked.
"If she is going to come and be your play date, she should know about you so she wouldn’t think you are rude or crazy and you can be rude sometimes and very obnoxious and you do act like a kid when you are excited or happy and when you are very upset. You don't want her thinking you are being that way on purpose do you? Also we want to be sure she will be comfortable with your son."
"Is he going to be here when she is around or what?" I asked.
"I don't know, that is why I told her to be sure. I didn't say anything bad about you or your child. I told her about our lifestyle and you having a cot and what you have and I told her about our funishments and that I sometimes try to potty train you."
"So she is going to be my play date?"
"We're thinking about it."
"Is she also a AB/DL?"
"Yeah you can say that. She didn't identify herself as either, she only identified as incontinent and she doesn't have anyone but herself."
"She has no family or friends?" I asked.
"I mean she has no one to play with, she's single."
"How old is she?" I asked.
"Thirty five I think."
"How long has she been incontinent?"
"I think she said she had been her whole life but she has always had bladder control, she just always had messy accidents and got teased for it."
"Where does she live?"
"Somewhere in our area."
We talked about her for a while and I was getting excited about her being here. Another woman with bowel incontinence like me even though she still had bladder control.
Daddy didn't have all the answers to my questions but he told me he will try and arrange a play date for me.
"So where did you find her?"
"On Fetlife, she was only exploring so she isn't really into anything so if we do meet up, let's keep it casual and if she does decide to come over, let's try and keep is low for her. We don't want to make her too uncomfortable."
"So what are we going to do then?"
"We'll figure something out."
I felt so happy. I started to fantasize us all together. I pictured Daddy changing both of us and also giving us both food with bibs and sippy cups. I wondered if he would take us out too. I also pictured playing video games with her.
"Is she fat or thin?" I asked.
"Does it matter?" Daddy asked.
"I just want to know what she looks like," I said.
"Is she thinner than me or bigger?"
"A little bigger."
"Does she have big boobs or tiny ones or small ones?"
"Maybe medium sized."
"What does she look like?"
"She has blonde hair just like you but you're prettier than her but I am probably just bias because you're my wife."
"What is her name on Fetlife?"
"I'll show you."
Daddy left our room and came back with his computer, he went to Fetlife and showed me her profile. There was a picture of her and she didn't look hot at all.
You can probably tell I get attracted to women but that doesn't mean I am a lesbian or bisexual because I can't imagine having sex with any of them. I prefer penises. I don’t like any other sex so I wouldn't have one with a woman unless they had a penis and I have had sex with a transwoman once because she had a penis. Then I got pregnant with her child and miscarried sadly but I wasn't ready to have another child anyway. My son was two at the time. So my sexuality is straight because I wouldn't want sex with another woman unless they are trans. Call me a transphobic if you want but I still feel they are a guy if they were born a man. Once I find out a woman used to be male or a man used to be female my feelings change and I all of a sudden see a man inside a woman and woman inside a man and I don't feel attracted to them. But I guess I had sex with Brenda because I felt she was a man even though she dressed as a woman and was taking hormones. I never thought she would still produce sperm until the day I miscarried. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I had bad cramping and I was bleeding heavily and I panicked and called Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Tom and she took me to the hospital and it turned out I was pregnant and it was a very early miscarriage and they estimated I was about five weeks pregnant. I had to tell everyone I had sex and it was with a trans woman and she was on hormones. Turns out she was still producing sperm. Just imagine if I have had that baby, then the baby would have two mommies and I wonder where I would be now. Would I still be living in Washington because Brenda would be in my life if she didn't walk away from it like my ex did with Alex. But I did tell her about the miscarriage and how she knocked me up. But I was still very sad about the loss. I don't know why, I couldn't even afford another child and I wouldn't have been able to handle one with Alex. Now I am pregnant again, I don't know how I am going to handle it. Daddy told me he will help me and work less if he has to. No way could I have an abortion because I don't want to make him sad if I killed his baby. But so far I hadn't miscarried yet. I just hope this one will be normal because I wouldn't want two autistic children or even have another me. I even hoped it wouldn't be like Kelly. But I don't even think about this pregnancy.
I kept looking at her profile and it was all empty because she didn't have much to say in it nor has she joined any groups except for incontinent ones. I also read her About Me part and she said she was there to explore and to make friends and that she is bowel incontinent and wears nappies for it.
"Does she know we're having a real baby?" I asked.
"No," said Daddy.
"Good," I said.
I didn't want everyone to know yet we are expecting because what if I have another miscarriage?
"Why?" Daddy asked. "Would it be a bad thing if I told her?"
"I just don't want anyone to know yet or else we will have to tell everyone I miscarried if it happens."
"I don't think it's going to happen."
"I had it happen before," I pointed out. "Remember that."
"When do you want me to start announcing it?"
"I don't know."
"I want to tell my family, we can't go through the entire pregnancy without telling anyone."
"Only my mum knows," I said.
"She might have told everyone already on her side," said Daddy.
"Having a baby is a big deal and something to celebrate."
"I hope she didn't tell anyone," I said.
"If she did, oh well."
I got back on my computer and picked up my 3DS and looked at the games some more.
"I'll let you get back to your game," said Daddy.
He took his computer and left the room again.
I looked at the games some more. I decided on Sonic games. I no longer could play my Gamecube because I had moved here and they have different outlets and different electricity standard. I have bought old game systems I would find and then repurchase some video games I wanted to play again instead of getting it on virtual console. But I didn't have Sonic Gems Collection for my PAL Gamecube so I couldn't play those games anyway and I had traded in my Sonic Game Gear games back when I was still living in Washington because I already had them on Sonic Gems Collection.
The first title I downloaded was Sonic Drift 2. I did download later so I could keep shopping.
I downloaded a few other Sonic games and I also looked at the games on my WiiU wish list to see if I wanted to download any on there. I decided to just stick with my 3DS. I didn't want to run out of space on it. I had tons of space left on my 3DS. I also delete games I got finished playing and I can just delete the ones I don't play anymore to make room for more when the time comes. I can even get rid of the Lola games because those are made for little kids and I do find them boring so I never played them long. I also have My First Songs. I can just delete that too since it's only songs you listen to and you tap the targets. There is no winning or losing.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to download Sonic 1 and Sonic 2 for Game Gear. I didn't want the 3D Classic Sonic the Hedgehog because I already had it for my DS. I wondered if I should get 3D Streets of Rage but I wasn't sure if the cheats would work on there. The buttons would be different and I wasn't sure if they modified the game. I decided to do some research so I got back on my computer and looked it up.
You see I sometimes do research on games before I buy them to be sure it looks fun or if I will like the game or if it's worth the money. Once you purchase it, it's buyer's remorse if you don't like it or feel it's a waste of money. I won't buy any Titanic games because it won't recognize the stylus and it's annoying to have to repeatedly tap tap tap to get the game to respond. Also I will not buy any Christmas Wonderland games or any games similar to it because I assume it has the same stylus issue so I deleted the first one off my system. I could re download it for free but that game is a waste of space. I also didn't like Painting Workshop so I deleted that too.
I read the article on 3D Streets of Rage on Nintendo Life. I couldn't find anything about cheats and I couldn't find any other results so I passed.
I decided to take a break from shopping and close my 3DS and let the games download. I did my computer and then I was forced to go downstairs to take care of Alex because Daddy felt I had spent enough time with my toys and now it's time to be a parent and he shouldn't have to do all the work with my kid because he is mine, not his. I just took my computer down with me and my 3DS.
That evening I was in bed with my daddy. It was after I had taken care of Alex and given him a bath and put him to bed.
"I wonder what Landon thinks of the cot," I said.
"Why?" Daddy asked.
"He came in our room while you were changing me and he had to have seen the cot."
"He did ask me about it once," said Daddy.
"What did he say?" I asked.
"He said "Dad, why does Natalie have a cot now, what happened to her real bed?"
"And what did you say?"
"I told him it helped you with your anxiety and you feel more secured in it and you sometimes have nightmares and toss and turn and fall out of bed and you sometimes sleepwalk."
"You lied to him?" I asked.
"What was I going to tell him? That you are an adult baby and that is your cot and I am your daddy and that our bedroom is your nursery? That is private between us and not something you tell your children so that was the only none AB/DL explanation I could give that is plausible."
"So what did he say when you told him that?"
"He said it looked like something a real baby would sleep in and someone had blown it up so I told him you didn't like hospital beds with bars because they look like cages and they are ugly so we found someone who would make us one in your size. But of course he asked me why didn't we have one made adult looking instead of something a baby would sleep in so I told him that all the adult looking ones look like cages and you didn't want to feel like you were in one and you wanted to feel safe and secured, not locked up in one."
"How long ago was that?"
"About two months ago. Remember, you wanted a cot and you knew it will be discovered soon or later. If it bothers you, we can always take it down and put your real bed back up."
"No," I cried.
"But why couldn't you just tell him it was for my anxiety instead of telling him the other stuff?" I asked.
"I didn't think he would buy it if he thought it was only for your anxiety."
"So what did he think when you told him I didn't want adult cots and that they would make me feel I am in a cage?"
"He said I marry strange people so I tell him "You think your mum is strange? and he goes 'I didn't say that' and I tell him "But you just told me I marry strange people, I have only married twice."
"And what did he say?"
"I can't really remember. But he still likes you. If my lie bothers you so much, you can tell him."
"About me being an adult baby?" I asked.
"If it bothers you so much, yeah, next time I will just tell anyone to ask you if they ask why you have one because I don't want to get you upset."
"You're actually okay with anyone knowing about our private life?"
"No I don't want them to know I am your daddy and you're my baby. Look, if you want to be honest about why you sleep in it, be my guest. It's not my bed."
I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say exactly. He didn't want anyone knowing he is my daddy and I am his little girl.
"But what do you want me to say; you don't want anyone knowing about our lifestyle so how do I explain it?" I asked.
"We'll just take it down then and put it away and we will put it back up when our kids are grown, that will make it a whole lot easier," said Daddy.
I felt sad. Here I was ten weeks pregnant and that would mean I wouldn't get my cot back until I am forty nine when the baby would be eighteen.
"But I would be nearly fifty by then," I said.
"I hope I miscarry then."
"Are we really going to take it down?" I was scared it was going to happen.
"If it causes problems, yeah."
"Then why did you give it to me?"
"You wanted one and I wanted to see how it would work out."
I didn't want to lose my bed. I was scared I was going to miss it. I had gotten addicted to it.
"Besides we might have to take it down anyway,” said Daddy.
"Why?" I asked.
"New baby, if they see their mum is sleeping in one, they might want to keep theirs and not understand why you can keep yours."
"What about my nappies?"
"We'll try and keep that hidden or just deal with the issues with it but a cot you don't really need and you can live without it for awhile."
"Or just keep them out of my room," I said.
"Or just take it down to make it easier. We'll worry about it when we get to that bridge but right now you can keep your bed. But if it causes any more problems, we're going to have to take it down and put it in the shed for a while and put your real bed back up."
I felt better but I still hoped I wouldn't have to have it taken down.
School had started so the kids were back in school again so it was just me home alone, a break finally from my son. I know lots of parents are so happy for their kids to be back in school again. It's not that we don't want them around or don't love them, being a parent is a lot of work and exhausting so a seven hour break is good. I don't really have to watch my cousin's kids either because she has someone else watching them. She has a nanny for them.
I played my 3DS and I had gotten some more games including a background bundle for my 3DS theme. I had gotten a Hello Kitty one so I turned my 3DS theme into Hello Kitty.
I was running out of games on my wishlist so pretty soon the eshop cards will be useless. I wouldn't be able to get anything but money and then waiting for a game to be released that catches my interest.
I also did my computer and wrote more in my blog about my 3DS and the reward Daddy gave me.
The phone rang and I answered it. "Hello?"
"Natalia, it's your husband," said Daddy. "I am just calling to remind you about mowing the lawn."
"Oh I forgot, thank you for reminding me," I said.
"I will check up on you again later but right now I have to get back to work, bye honey, love you."
"Bye," I said.
I hung up and I did a computer for a few more minutes and then I got dressed into my work clothes.
I put on my shoes and went in the backyard. I moved some stuff off the lawn and put it on the pavement. Then I opened the shed and got out the lawn mower. I made sure it had gas and I pulled the thing and it got started and I mowed the lawn.
After I was done, I put it away and went back inside. I did some laundry again and hung some clothes up outside on the clothes line. While I was hanging stuff on it, I felt my nappy getting filled with poop.
I got finished and went inside. I stayed in my messy nappy. No one was here to tell me to change. I swept and vacuumed in the mess and then cleaned the kitchen and had a little break. I felt the mess spread in my nappy. I masturbated in it on Daddy's bed.
Ah this felt so good and I felt so turned on and I was hot and sweating a little. Then my body relaxed and I got up again and got myself cleaned up in the bathroom. I just washed it off in the tub and had a shower to get rid of the petrol smell. Then I got dried off and I put on a printed nappy and got my other clothes back on again. I kept the towel wrapped on my head.
Daddy called me again to remind me about the lawn, I told him I cut it and he was glad. He also asked me about the other household stuff and I told him I took care of the linen, the rugs and floors, the dishes and counter tops.
"Did you remember about your pants?"
That is his code word for nappy because he doesn't want to say it at work in case anyone over hears.
"Yes, I changed," I said.
"Good girl," he said quietly in the phone. "You make your daddy so proud. How long did you wait to do it?"
"I cleaned in my messy nappy."
"Oh honey, I am sorry I wasn't there but I am glad you still got it done."
I knew that was another code sentence.
"Where are you at work?" I asked.
"I am in the courtyard but there are some other people around and I am just over here by myself but I still want to be cautious. You can never trust everyone because people like to gossip so I have to be very careful where we talk and who is around. So when did you take care of it?"
"After I got done with cleaning and had a little break, I masturbated in it and then I had a shower."
"I bet you had fun with it but I have to go now and I am very proud of you for doing you know what, we'll talk more when I get home so you take care honey, bye."
"Bye," I said.
I hung up and went on with my day.
Soon it came to the time for me to pick up Alex from school. I left in my car to go get him. It's actually Daddy's because he had it before we were married. I saw Mrs. Carutis again on the way to my son's classroom. I ignored her not saying anything and she didn't say anything to me.
Alex's teacher talked to me when I came in the classroom. She told me there was a incident that happened. It was about the computer, Alex always uses a certain one and another kid got on it and he got upset because it was when he usually sat there and played on it and the other kid wouldn't move so it was hard to break it up because of my son's inflexibility and the other kid's inability to transition so Alex had his meltdown while they had to slowly get the other kid to another computer and Alex still wouldn't calm down after he had the computer.
"Okay," was all I said. "Anything else happen?"
"That was about it," said Mrs. Bruen.
I got Alex and we left.
Gailand was home with Haley and Alexis when we got back. Gailand is the nanny. I find her okay so I like her even though she isn't my nanny. She only takes care of my cousin's kids. She takes them to school and picks them up and gives them food and watches over them until their mother gets back. I don't have to do anything for them. She also cleans up after them too. But she doesn't live with us because we don't have an extra bedroom for her.
Daddy was still at work. He works a lot, even on the weekends sometimes. He worked more before I came into his life and he would work less when he had his son and then be back to being a workaholic again. Now he doesn't work as many days or hours because he wants to spend some time with his baby girl. But everyone thinks he still works too much. I am fine with it because I can't stand having to be with someone all the time. I hate clingy people.
I didn't have much time anymore because I would have to go to work soon. I had to take care of Alex by giving him some food. I gave him apples and peanut butter.
Even thought we have a nanny for the other kids, I still have to take care of mine because she is only being paid to watch two kids, not three.
Christina soon came home and Gailand left. I was getting ready for work. I packed my back pack for work with my Nintendo 3DS and my Kindle and a few extra nappies with wipes and rash cream. I had on my work clothes and had my teeth brushed.
I got my shoes on and left for work. Christina watches my son until Daddy gets back.
Daddy continued talking to the woman online and I kept asking him about her like if she has a blog about her bowel incontinence.
"Why don't you start talking to her," said Daddy. "You have a Fetlife too."
"I don't know her username," I said.
"I'll show you."
Daddy had me get on my computer and I logged into my account and he took me to her profile.
"There you go, now you can talk to her," said Daddy.
I clicked on 'message kinkster' and wrote Hi as the subject line.
I started to write.
"I am logicengineer's wife and you and him have been talking. He told me you were bowel IC just like me but you still have your bladder control so I have been curious about you.
Do you like wearing nappies?
Do you like pooping in them too?
Do you also have a nappy fetish?
How many times a day do you poop?"
I thought about writing more but I didn't want to start writing about how I like my nappies and like pooping in mine and how Daddy changes me. I didn't want to go too fast and make her uncomfortable if she is still a vanilla. I also wasn't going to ask her if she has been changed by anyone yet as an adult or when she started to change her own. That would come later.
I wrote at the end "I hope to hear back from you and you have a wonderful day." I clicked send and looked at the other posts in groups I am in.
As I surfed online, the phone rang. I picked it up and answered it. "Hello?"
"Hi I am calling from Microsoft about your windows?" said an Indian accent.
Oh it was one of these calls again, we have gotten them a few times in the past and I just hang up on them. But this time I decided to have a little fun with them.
"Oh," I said.
"We have been receiving errors from your Windows and-"
"Really, my windows has been giving you errors?" I asked.
"Yes, your Windows may be infected so we can fix the problem for you."
"But how does it send you errors?" I asked.
He started to explain but I interrupted him again and said "Is it all our windows or just one of them?"
"How many do you have?" the scammer asked.
"Well I have one in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in the dining room, one in the bathroom, one in each bedroom and two in ours," I said.
I covered my mouth to hide my giggle. I snorted.
"Okay the one you are on has been giving us errors," said the scammer.
"But I am not on any windows, I am in my bedroom," I said. "All our windows are attached so I have no way of being on them."
"The Windows on your computer dumb ass."
"Oh that windows," I said. "No I don't have any windows on my computer. How would that work? It wouldn't make sense to put one on the computer, it will be too big and heavy and it will be hard to use it with the window being so big."
"You are wasting my time, I am trying to help you," said the scammer.
"Help me?" I asked. "But you're trying to scam me, how is that trying to help me?"
"Why do you think this is a scam miss?"
"Because I have read about it online and you have an Indian accent and Microsoft wouldn't call anyone out of the blue about their Windows."
"This is not a scam, we are calling from Microsoft and we have been getting errors from your computer so if you will just get on it and download a program call Team Viewer, we can get you started and if you already have that program installed, just log on and give me your ID and password and I will get you started."
I didn't know what to do next. I was not going to have him get access to my computer. Luckily I still had my old laptop for backup I never use. What should be my next prank for them? Should I pretend I am some low functioning person who has a caregiver or pretend I don't have a Windows computer or pretend I have one from the eighties, or should I pretend I am on house arrest and my computer privileges are restricted so I needed a guardian with me and she watches everything I do on it, or should I pretend my computer is at someone else's house and I would have to drive five miles to get it but I keep getting stuck in traffic and it takes me a long time to get there or should I just simply hang up and hope I will get another one of those calls.
"Hello?" the scammer asked.
"I can't seem to find my computer," I said.
"Do you have a desk top?"
"No I have a laptop and I always misplace it because I am so scatterbrained so I lose everything, I often lose my Nintendo 3DS and it has been missing for three months now. Now I have lost my computer so I would have to find it so if you will just give me a sec but it might take a real long time before I find it."
"I don't have time for this."
"Well you can call me back another time," I said. "You have other suckers out there to scam and maybe they will be an idiot you actually get money from and you can trash their computers if they piss you off."
I then hung up. I was done.
I don't know why they get so pissed. They are trying to scam people so why do some get mad because some know it's a scam and call them out on it or because they mess with them? Maybe they are pissed because they couldn't trick them or because they knew about them and were not suckers. I wonder if they get pissed if you just hang up on them without wasting their time. I couldn't wait to tell anyone this story. I went back on my computer and went to Facebook and decided to type about it and also do it in my blog too.
Daddy came back upstairs to our room, "Natalia, that was wonderful."
"What?" I asked.
"That scam artist."
"The Windows guy?"
"Yeah, I heard it on the phone."
"I didn't know you were eavesdropping."
"Well it was a scam and once you started talking, I wanted to see what else you would say and I totally laughed about the Windows joke. That was brilliant."
"Lot of people like to mess with them so I wanted to try it and now I hope they will call back so I can do it again but now I would have to come up with another joke. Have you ever messed with them?"
"I don't know, maybe I should."
"I wonder if my dad ever has?"
My dad always gave cold callers a hard time when I was a kid. He would also stall them and keep them on the line, even hand us kids the phone while he'd do other things.
"Why do you think they get mad when we don't fall for their scams or when we call them out on it or mess with them?" I asked.
"Because they want money and they aren't getting it," Daddy guessed.
"Why don't they just hang up and go to the next victim?"
"I don't know."
The next day I checked my email and I saw I had a new message and it was from the woman. I read it and she wrote:
"Hi I have been speaking to your husband on here and it's nice to hear from you, here are my answers to your questions.
I have gotten used to wearing them so they don't bother me as much
No I do not
I would say not
It depends on what I eat, I can poop as much as three times a day.
Any more questions?"
I had more so I hit reply and thought of more to ask.
"How long have you been bowel incontinent?
Do you use the toilet for pee?
Do you ever wet your nappies?
How old were you when you started to change your own nappies?
How soon do you change after you mess yourself?"
I clicked send and went back to surfing.
The next day I checked again and saw I had another message from her. I read it.
"Hey Natalia, great to hear from you again, here are my answers.
I have been incontinent my whole life due to a neurological issue
I do wet in mine sometimes when I don't want to get out of bed to use the toilet or want to look for the toilets or when I am stuck somewhere and there aren't any, nappies can be so convenient sometimes and if I am already messy, it doesn't really matter.
I was about nine or ten when I started
I try to change no more than a half hour after messing"
I responded back saying, "Wow started changing at nine or ten, that is young, I was fifteen when I started so my mom had been changing me and then she decided it was time I started doing it myself and it was hard at first, was it hard for you, how long did it take you? How come you don't like messing your nappies? How old were you when everyone stopped changing you and when was the last time someone else had done it for you?"
I hit send.
Daddy had finally arranged a meet up for us from the woman and we would be meeting her in public since it was what was preferred for now. I was so happy and it would be this weekend. Landon would be here again and Daddy had decided it might be a family outing again and this will all be vanilla. I felt so happy. It would be on Saturday when we meet and Daddy would be off and so would I.
Friday came and Landon came over that night for the weekend. His mum had dropped him off and he came with his pillow and his suitcase. He came while I was at work because he was already there when I got back and I walked in the door and he was still up. I took off my shoes and coat and went in the kitchen. I looked in the fridge for my food and found a plate and I took it out knowing it was mine. It had plastic wrap over it and it was salad and pasta. I sat down in the living room with Landon and turned on the TV. Landon was on his tablet.
I woke up the next day in my cot. I felt so excited about meeting this woman. But I wondered about Alex. Would he ruin our time? His behavior can be unpredictable I never know if he will do good or not.
Daddy was already up because he was not in his bed. I climbed out of my cot and got on his bed and got off. I headed downstairs.
Christina, Daddy, and Haley were up. Landon was still sleeping on the couch. Haley was playing with one of her toys on the coffee table. Daddy was just sitting in the chair sipping tea as he was looking at the Woodland Gazette. Christina was in the kitchen.
I turned on the WiiU. I went to the eshop and looked at the games there. I didn't have very many on the system but I had no intention on buying a bunch of games for it or else it will fill up the memory.
I got out of the Wii shop and played Super Mario World. I could actually beat the game quickly because I know the short cut to Bowser's Castle but I would rather play the whole game.
Landon stretched on the couch and opened his eyes. I was sitting on the floor playing the game on the game pad.
"Natalie, we have croissants in the kitchen," said Christina.
"Okay," I said.
I kept playing trying to beat the level.
Soon Alex got up because he came in the living room.
"Natalia, your son is up, time to turn the game off," said Daddy.
I had to finish the level or die and then go to the ghost house to save.
Landon stretched some more on the couch and he had his eyes open.
"Natalia," Daddy said again.
"Hold on," I said.
"Finish that level and then turn it off," said Daddy.
"I have to save first."
I died again and then I had to go to the first ghost house to beat it to save the game.
"Natalia," said Daddy.
"I gotta save."
I ran through the level fast and through the door and I had to jump up the stairs again and go through the door again and hit the ? block and the vine grew out of it. I climbed up it and went out the door and hit the goal post. I saved and turned it off and put the game pad back on its charger. Landon had the TV turned on and he was looking for the right input so he could watch it than seeing the Wii U menu screen.
I went into the kitchen. I passed by Christina and she waved her hand in front of her face and said "Ooo Natalie, you smell strongly like urine. Did you change when you got up?"
"No," I said.
"You smell really bad, you better do it."
"I have to take care of Alex," I said.
"You should take him into the bathroom and have him go pee and see if he needs a new pull nappy and you take care of yourself in there."
Then she said to Daddy, "Steven, your wife smells really bad."
I looked for the croissants and found them in the microwave. I took them out. I handed one to Alex asking "Do you want to try this?"
He turned his head away. That was a no.
I ate mine and got out Alex's cereal and poured him some and set the bowl on the dining room table. "Here is your Honey Loops, Alex," I said.
Daddy walked over to me and felt my nappy. "Go change right now baby girl," he said quietly.
"Aren't you going to do it?" I asked.
"Someone has to watch Alex," said Daddy.
"Christina and Landon are down here," I said.
"They shouldn't have to babysit. Are you messy or just wet?"
"Wet," I said.
"You can do it yourself."
"Why didn't you do it when you got up?" I asked.
"I figured I'd let you sleep. Go on. Get changed."
I sighed and went upstairs. My nappy felt really really wet. I went in my room and took off my pajamas. I got my wipes and a clean nappy. I picked which nappy to wear. I picked Tena Slip Maxi NHS pays for. I went in the bathroom and took off my wet nappy and cleaned myself up and it put the clean nappy on. I then got the packing take and stuck it on my nappy to keep it tight and I got out a pair of my big girl knickers and put them on to hold them in place to avoid them sagging when its wet. I still don't mind them, I just use some packing tape and wear something over the nappy to make it right. I don't mind cloth like. I don't know why people have bad luck with them. I have seen lot of negative reviews about it.
I looked at my clothes trying to decide what to wear.
"Natalia," Daddy called.
"What?" I shouted in my room.
Daddy came up and he knocked on our door. "Are you done yet? Alex just peed in the dining room and he is very wet."
"I am trying to decide on what to wear," I said.
Daddy opened our bedroom door and he picked up one of my shirts and told me to put it on and take care of Alex.
I put it on and then I tried to decide what trousers to wear but Daddy told me to get out there.
"But I have no trousers on," I said.
"So, everyone knows you wear them, it's not a secret so you don't need to keep it from us and besides you are only staying up here."
I left my room in my shirt and nappy. Alex was standing in the hallway digging at himself. His pants were soaking wet.
"Whoa, you must have done a big one," I said.
Alex gave me a look on his face as if he was telling me "You forgot to bring me to the toilet so I had an accident."
I had forgotten to take him to the toilet, he was still sleeping when I got up and I got into my game and then I got distracted with food and then with Daddy.
I took his hand and led him to the hallway bathroom. I took off his pajamas and his soaking wet pull up. I picked up a washcloth and got it wet with warm water.
"Alex I am going to be wiping the pee off your skin and the water is warm," I warned him.
Alex has a hard time with wet fabric on his skin. He flinched as I started to wipe his legs and he started to cry. I kept wiping them and he kept moving away from me so I corners him and he tried to push me away. I pushed him back and pushed myself up against him to hold him in place while I clean him up.
But Alex grabbed my hair so I grabbed his arms while I screamed.
Daddy rushed into the bathroom.
Alex and I were both fighting like we were both children.
"What is going on here?" he shouted.
"I am trying to wipe his legs and bottom and he is making very hard for me by pulling my hair and stuff," I yelled.
Daddy broke us up and took over and he calmed Alex down. He kept screeching as I wiped his legs and his bottom including his crotch area. Daddy is bigger than me and also a lot stronger than Alex so he was able to help me.
"I'm going to dry him off now," I said.
I grabbed a dry hand towel and dried him off to get rid of the cool air feeling on his skin.
"He probably doesn't like the cold air feeling on his legs from the water," said Daddy.
"I know that," I said.
I could have given him a bath instead but then it would have taken too long so I did the sponge bath even if it meant screaming and him fighting but I am still taller than him but he is already getting strong and he is up to my chin. He could probably hurt me easily now. I felt like a martyr.
I grabbed a clean pull up and helped Alex in it.
"What happened to giving him a bath?" Daddy asked.
"I didn't want to take the time to do it," I said. "It takes too long."
"That is part of being a parent or otherwise you will just get yourself beaten up."
I tossed Alex's pajamas with the dirty linen and went in his room and grabbed a pair of his trousers and a t shirt.
There I was still in my nappy with nothing over them.
Daddy had bought Alex to his room and I got him dressed. Then I went back in my room to finish getting dressed.
I looked at my trousers and pulled out a black pair I have had since I was eighteen. They had two white stripes on the side and they tie in the waist so I didn't have to worry about them coming down like some of my other trousers do because the elastic in the waist had been stretched out from wear over the years. I have even had to get rid of few of my trousers and shorts because I had stretched them out from wear and I didn't want to keep using diaper pins to hold them up and I never liked having them hang. I put on a shirt and came downstairs again. Landon was up for good because he was sitting with his tablet again. I didn't see any mess in the dining room so it must have gotten cleaned up.
"When is she going to be here?' I asked Daddy.
"We are meeting her around noon at the Westfield Stratford City," he said.
I felt excited.
"Where are you guys going?" Christina asked.
"Oh we are just going to meet a friend and taking our kids," said Daddy.
"I hope we will have a good time," I said.
"I am sure we will," said Daddy.
"I meant Alex," I said.
"We'll see. If we don't take him out, he will never get used to it so we have to take him out so he will learn."
I had noise cancelling headphones for him so that should do the trick and I can put a eye patch over his eyes so he wouldn't have to see all the details and the lights. But Alex doesn't like anything over his eyes and Daddy has asked me if I would want to walk around with my face covered. Maybe if I was sensitive to light and the environment, maybe but he still doesn't like it for some reason. I do hold his hand so he wouldn't bump into anything and I have used a leash so I wouldn't have to hold him all the time and I can just tug on it. Daddy has to remind me he is not a dog. I know that but he thinks I treat him like he is one. I had to be on a leash once and it was one of those wrist ones because I also loved to wander and my mother didn't take me out in public because of it unless my older brother watched me or my Dad. I quit doing it when I was around seven.
It was a fortunate Alex liked being in his room so I was able to play more Super Mario World.
Soon, we started to get ready to go and I brushed my teeth and got Alex ready too. Landon got himself ready so we didn't need to worry about him.
Alexis was up by then so she was watching TV while we were all getting ready and Christina was just going to stay here with her kids.
I felt very excited and nervous at the same time. I had my stuff with me and Alex's too.
We got in our car and Alex sat in his usual spot and I sat in the passenger side in the front and Landon sat in the back with Alex.
"Dad who is this friend we are seeing?" Landon asked.
"Just someone we met," said Daddy.
"But who, who is she? Where did you meet?"
"It's someone for Natalia, just another incontinent woman but do not say anything to her about her medical condition, you wouldn't want to embarrass her."
"So this is another woman who is incontinent like Natalie and wears nappies too just like her?"
"Correct," sad Daddy.
"She is only incontinent right?"
"Yep only with her bowels."
Landon said nothing else.
When we got there, Daddy parked in the garage and we all got out. I followed Daddy because I didn't know where we were going to meet. We went inside and we walked to Starbucks while I held Alex's hand.
I saw her and she looked different than the photo I saw.
Daddy introduced himself and she introduced herself as Chris.
"Is that a nickname?" I asked.
"Short for Christy," she said.
"You look different than in your picture," I said.
Daddy started laughing.
"Oh no, did I say something wrong?" I asked.
"Oh not at all," said Chris.
"Then why did you laugh?" I asked Daddy.
"It just was funny," he said.
I looked at her bottom to see if she had a nappy on. I noticed she had a huge laptop bag with her so I assumed it was her nappy bag.
I couldn't stop staring at her bottom.
"Did you eat yet?" Daddy asked her.
"I only had coffee," she said.
"Let's go eat," said Daddy.
"Okay, where should we go?" she asked.
"Where would you like to go?" Daddy asked us.
"I don't care," I said.
I hated making decisions.
Landon just shrugged.
"It has to be something Alex will eat," I said.
Daddy started to walk and we followed him. Chris threw her coffee cup away.
"I can't believe you had me meet your kids," she said to us.
"We're in a public place so what are you gonna do to them?" I asked.
We kept walking through the mall and I could tell Alex was heading for a meltdown so I took out the noise cancelling headphones and put them on him. I kept holding onto him. Then somehow I lost Daddy. I looked for them and didn't know where they went.
I had to let go of Alex to look for my cell phone. I kept looking at Alex and then back in my bag and then I found it and Alex was gone.
I looked around for him but all I saw were people.
There were lot of people here. I called Daddy's number.
I heard it ring and it went straight to voice mail.
Great, he probably didn't hear it.
I started to pace around as I looked.
I kept calling Daddy's phone while I looked for Alex.
"Natalia," I heard a voice.
I looked around and I kept hearing my name.
Then I noticed Daddy with Alex, and there was London and Chris.
Daddy had Alex attached to the leash and Daddy called me to him.
"There you are," I said. "Where did you go?"
"Nowhere, you just disappeared so I am going to put this on you so you won't get separated again," he said.
He put it around my wrist and he wanted to put it on Landon too but he refused.
"I don't need it," he said.
"C'mon, we're all going to wear it so we won't all get separated," said Daddy.
"I won't get lost," said Landon.
"Okay," said Daddy.
He also had it around his wrist so it was Alex and me on it too with him. This is what we use for when there are too many people so none of us get lost. We were a family on a leash. People who see us would see two adults and a child on the same leash walking with it. I just tell everyone it's to keep us from getting separated and some people have thought it was a great idea and asked where we got the leash from. I tell them we got it from a special needs website that sells products for special needs.
We had one extra wrist thing on it but it never got used because Landon never wants to wear it. I know Daddy just does this to make me feel less retarded so if everyone is on it, then it's normal. Of course the leash was expensive and Christina decided she might get one too for her kids if they don't stay with her and they can all wear it at places. But NHS helped paid for it because of Alex. Daddy has joked about getting me an adult sized push chair and said he was serious because I keep wandering off just like a little girl. But he has never gotten me one yet so I think he is just joking. Besides those things are expensive so I doubt he will ever want to waste his money to get one and he wouldn't want to humiliate me.
We headed to the second floor and we went to Gourment Burger Kitchen. Daddy took the leashes off us when we got there because there were not that many people. We got seated and looked at our menus.
"Hey can I get you anything to drink, my name is Fran." said the waitress as she put water on our table.
I looked at the drinks.
Alex was coloring in his kid's menu.
I got apple juice for Alex and homemade cloudy lemonade for myself and everyone else ordered their drinks.
Fran wrote it all down and left.
I kept looking at the menu. I decided on what I wanted and then went to Alex and asked him what he wanted. I told him to just point to what he wanted. But he just wanted to color so I decided to get him what he always likes.
I then started to play my 3DS. I played Mario vs Donkey Kong Tipping Stars.
"Ohh do you have any games I can play?" Landon asked.
"Now you two are not going to sit here and play video games are you?" Daddy asked.
"But she is playing them," said Landon.
"Yes but don't you want to visit."
"I want to play games with her."
"Okay but when the food comes, you put them away," said Daddy.
I took out another one of my 3DS's and handed it to him and took out my games. Landon looked through them.
I kept working on trying to earn those gold trophies so I could get more stars. Then I exit the game and did Pircross.
Soon Fran came back with our drinks. I sipped my cloudy lemonade.
Landon got his milkshake and he started to drink it.
Daddy got gotten a cup of coffee.
We ordered our food.
Daddy didn't like that I was getting Alex frozen yogurt so he ordered him a cheeseburger with it. I knew he wouldn't eat it.
Then I decided I better take Alex to the toilet. I gave him a card that showed him the toilet and said it was time he tries to go.
I took him to the toilet and I pulled down his trousers and pull up and he peed in the toilet. Then I pulled it back up and his trousers and I had him flush the toilet. He flinched at the sound. I then took him to the sink and had him wash his hands. Then I dried them off and took him back to the table. Then I decided I had better change. I took my nappy bag back to the toilets and changed in the stall. I threw the nappy away in the trash and washed my hands and went back to the table.
I continued playing my 3DS while Alex colored. Landon was playing one of my games.
Soon our food came and I closed my system.
"Okay, games away, food is here," said Daddy.
Fran put my plate in front of me and she picked up the frozen yogurt and said "Who got the frozen yogurt?"
"Him," I pointed to Alex.
She put it down right by him, then she picked up his cheeseburger and said "Who got the cheeseburger and skinny fries?"
Daddy pointed to Alex again and Fran set it down.
After she served us all our plates, she left and we started eating.
Alex started eating his ice cream instead.
"I can't believe he is having dessert before lunch," said Chris.
"At least he is eating something different," I said. "With autism, it's complicated to get these kids to eat so they would rather starve than eat what is given them so we are forced to let them eat what they like even if it's the same thing or we go to jail if they die. It's not like we can give them tough love by refusing to give them anything else until they eat what is given them or else they starve."
"But wouldn't you give them breakfast or dinner, anything you serve at their next meal?" Chris asked.
"Yes but then they have behavior issues and their autism symptoms seem worse because they are hungry and if their food preference is so restricted, it's impossible to give them something else at their next meal because what if all they only eat is Honey Loops and apples? Then you are in big trouble so it's either let them have that or starve them to death and you go to jail for murder."
"Does Alex eat only that?" Chris asked.
"No," I said.
"That's good," she said.
Alex ate his slowly and the ice cream melted and then he didn't want to eat it anymore when it got too soft. He grabbed his crayons again and started to tap them on his menu.
Then I heard a loud rip fart at our table.
"What was that?" I asked.
"It was a very big sound," said Landon.
"Excuse me," Chris said quickly and she got up quickly and left with her bag. I saw she was heading for the toilet.
"Why can't Natalie be like her when she has an accident?" Landon asked.
"Natalia, this is what you have to do with whenever you have those accidents," said Daddy. "See what she just did? She went right for the toilet to take care of it because she didn't want to offend us with the smell."
I then noticed it smelled like someone had farted.
"When she comes back, do not ask her about her content of her nappy and do not say anything about her accident," Daddy told me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because one, it will embarrass her, two, you don't talk about it here at the table, and three, I am sure she would not want to talk about it here in public or around the kids."
Chris was gone for a while and then she came back. She sat back down and no one said anything about her accident. She went back to eating her meal.
Alex was back to coloring again and he was finished and he started to peel at the crayons. He never touched his food Daddy ordered him.
"Alex, can you do two bites out of this hamburger for me?" Daddy asked pointing to it.
Alex ignored him.
"Can you do Pac Man and eat this pellet?" Daddy asked. "Pac Man eats a lot of food for high score so can you eat this hamburger for high score?"
There he was trying to use my son's gaming interest to get him to eat something new but I didn't think that manipulation would work. This was real life, not a video game and Alex knew that.
"Hey, did you just roll your eyes at me?" Daddy asked.
"At least he can do that," I said.
"Yeah Dad, you look ridiculous," said Landon.
"I am just trying to motivate him," said Daddy.
"He knows this is real life," I said.
"He is too smart," said Chris.
"Yeah I guess so," said Daddy.
"Besides, he only eats fruit," said Landon.
Soon Fran came back and she refilled our glasses with water and she also asked if we wanted anything else or would we like the bill.
We were all done so Fran left and she handed us the bill.
Daddy picked it up and Chris opened her bag.
Daddy looked at the bill and took out his wallet.
Chris also took out her wallet but Daddy told her, "I got it."
"I want to pay for my part," she said.
"No no it's fine," said Daddy.
He took out one of his cards and set it on the table on top of the bill.
Fran came by and got it and then she came back with the card and receipt and Daddy signed it and we left.
"I have to use the toilet first," said Daddy.
He headed in there and we all waited and then he came out. He took out the leash and put it on me and Alex again and on himself.
Now only one left who hadn't gone to the toilet was Landon.
We walked around the mall and we looked in some shops. Then we were on the ground level and we were in The Disney Store. Alex kept trying to pull on us to look around and it was hurting our wrists. Daddy decide to let us loose and have us look around. I looked at the clothes and toys and dishes. I looked at the books too. I saw Alex was touching everything on the shelves.
Landon was just walking around with his hands in his pockets. Chris was looking at some display stuff on the shelf.
I looked at some stuffed animals when I felt my nappy getting filled with poop. I felt it expanding and I walked around and poop still came out. Then my nappy felt all full from the poop and my trousers felt tighter around my bottom. Soon I was done going and I saw Daddy. I walked over to him.
"Hey Hun," he said rubbing my back.
Then he said "Is something the matter?"
I looked down at the floor.
"Nothing," I said quickly.
Daddy then sniffed the air and said in my ear, "Did you have an accident?"
"Yes," I said. "It's a big one."
"It's okay, we will take care of it."
Then he called for Landon. "Landon, keep an eye on your step brother, Natalia and I will be right back."
He saw Chris and told her he will be back with me. She didn't even ask him why. He took me out of the store and he took me to the adult changing room. I was waddling from the messy nappy.
We arrived at the changing room and Daddy closed the door and locked it. I took off my shoes and trousers and climbed up on the changing table. Daddy opened my nappy bag. He pulled out another Tena Slip Maxi and the wipes. He kept looking in the bag.
'You didn't bring the changing pad," he said.
I took off my shirt and tossed it at him. Daddy just stuck my stuff on the bench and he undid the tabs on my nappy. He opened it and said "You did a big one, you might have to wash it off. It's all over."
I looked and I saw the poop. Daddy lifted my legs and used the nappy and wiped the rest off my bottom as much as he could. Then he said, "I would feel better if you just washed this all off and I will put another one on."
I took my socks off and headed to the shower and I rinsed the poo off my bottom. I was so glad they had these rooms now, now that made it easier for my bowel incontinence and I wouldn't have to worry about messy accidents anymore.
After I got finished rinsing off, I dried off and got back on the table again. Daddy unfolded the clean nappy and lifted my legs again and placed it under me. Then he got out the rash cream and rubbed some on my bottom. Then he used one of the wipes to wipe it off his fingers and he pulled the nappy up and taped it shut.
I got up and grabbed my socks and put them on and Daddy grabbed my clothes. I grabbed the tape from my bag and put it on my diaper to keep it from getting loose. Then I got dressed again and got my shoes on as Daddy cleaned up the area to make sure it was neat for the next person to use. We left the room and headed back to The Disney Store. Daddy held my hand again.
When we got back, I started to look around again but Daddy told us we were ready to go and Chris was getting tired of The Disney Store.
I had to get Alex and I put the leash on him again and on myself but Alex didn't want to leave the store so I tried to pull on him to get him to come. He started to fuss and fight back.
"Alex, you have been here long enough," I said. "Come on."
I tugged at the leash again. "Nooo," he cried.
He pulled on the leash and I pulled on it back. I kept tugging at it and he was also grabbing at it and pulled on it his way. People were watching us and I thought I heard someone laugh. Alex was also banging against the shelves while I was pulling him. I used my strength and jerked on the leash and Alex hit himself on the shelf again where the shirts were. He pulled the leash back in anger but I kept a hold of it.
Daddy came to the rescue. "I forgot to tell him we were leaving when we get back."
He put the leash on his own wrist and grabbed Alex's hand and led him out of the store with me while he kept saying "no."
I felt stressed out because I knew it would take him a while to get over it. I could not take whining and crying or his meltdowns. He was already ruining the day. I just wanted to take the leash off and get away from it all.
We just sat down and waited until he was calm again.
I took out my old 3DS and showed it to Alex but he knocked it out of my hand but I had caught it before it could hit the ground.
People looked at us as they were walking by. I ignored it. I knew it was unusual to see a kid my son's size crying like this and being on a leash and jerking his body and Daddy having to hold him close.
"I hope this isn't too much trouble for you," Daddy said to Chris.
"Oh it's fine," she said.
I hope she really meant it and that she wasn't saying it to be nice.
I realized I was rocking back and forth.
"Natalia, why don't you and Chris walk around the mall together and I will stay with Alex," said Daddy. "Landon you can go with them."
I took the leash off my wrist and I felt so happy Daddy was letting me go to have fun again.
"Where will we meet?" Chris asked.
"I will call my wife and let you know," said Daddy.
Landon, Chris, and I all took off. We walked around on the ground floor. I looked at the stores as I walked by them and I turned and looked and saw Chris and Landon were not anywhere.
I looked around and I hoped they would show up. Maybe they stopped to look at something and they got distracted. I just stood in one spot and waited.
"There she is," said Landon.
I finally saw them and there was Chris too. They walked over to me.
"We lost you," said said.
"Where did you guys go?" I asked.
"I saw a shoe at Foot Locker and it caught my attention," said Chris.
We walked by the other stores and we saw Marks & Spencer. I went inside TK Maxx. Chris and Landon came in after me and I looked at the toys. It didn't take me long to look at them because I was done and I saw Chris was looking at the clothes and I told her I was ready to go.
"I want to see some things, hold on," she said.
I looked at the toys again.
I then walked back to her and asked if she was done yet.
"Now I am," she said.
We looked for Landon and he was looking at some electronics.
"Landon, we're leaving," I said.
He followed after us.
"Where do you want to go now?" Chris asked me.
"Lower floor," I said.
We headed to the nearest escalator and we went down and I walked to Game. I looked at all the used games for 3DS and Wii U and Wii. I also looked at the Amiibo figures.
"There she is," I heard Daddy.
I looked up and there was Daddy with Alex on the leash.
"I thought you were going to call me," I said.
"I figured you'd be in here," said Daddy. "Hey I will take Alex to look at the Legos and you three just take your time."
He left with my son and I kept looking around.
I felt warmth in my crotch.
After I got done looking, I told Chris I was ready to leave. She was looking at some shirts.
We left and walked around on the lower ground floor. I went into Build a Bear Workshop. I looked at all the stuffed animals that needed to yet be stuffed and I looked at all the cute outfits and accessories. I remembered I still had my Hello Kitty from over a year ago. I sometimes like to change outfits on her but I always keep her on top of my chest where my AB clothes are kept. I keep the other Build a Kitty outfits in the box they put her in when I first purchased her. They no longer had Hello Kitty outfits.
I wanted to buy another outfit for my Hello Kitty but I had to be sure it was the right outfit and not made for a My Little Pony or a smaller stuffed animal. I looked at my cash and I looked to see what to buy. I looked at the Disney outfits and costumes. I looked at the Frozen outfits. I saw a pair of Frozen pajamas and slippers and a robe. I really like that movie because it's cute. I looked at the other Frozen outfits and I knew they wouldn't be compatible with my Hello Kitty so I picked the pajamas and the robe and the knickers. I went to pay for them. When I got to the checkout, the lady told me if I bought the compete outfit, I would save five pounds. Instead of 25 pounds I would be spending, it would be twenty plus tax. I decided to get the slippers too so she went and got them and brought them back and scanned them.
"Do you want a bag?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
She put them in the bag and told me the total and I gave her forty pounds. She gave me back change.
I remembered to say thanks and I left the store. I looked behind me to see if Chris and Landon were following.
Landon saw me leaving.
"What did you get?" he asked.
I opened my bag and showed him. He took it out of my hands and looked. "Who is it for?"
"For my Hello Kitty," I said.
Chris came out of the store too.
I was done looking around so I told Chris she can go wherever she wanted because I was done window shopping. I had my Kindle and 3DS so I can keep myself busy and she doesn't have to worry about boring me.
I noticed I had not said much to her since we have met because I had done most of it online so I didn't have anything else to ask her.
"Do you know where your husband went?" she asked.
"To the Lego store," I said.
"Oh that store is awesome," said Landon.
We headed to the Lego store and we went inside and I saw Alex was building a Lego structure. I looked at all the Lego structures on display and looked at what they had for sale.
Landon started to play with some Legos too. I just took out my 3DS and started playing again. I sat out in the mall while everyone stayed in the store.
I played Pokemon Rumble World and then I saved my game and went back to home menu and looked for what game to play next. I decided on Undead Bowling.
"What is that?" Chris asked while I was playing.
"It's bowling, I bowl over zombies instead of pins and blood flies all over," I explained.
It was a very violent game I was playing so it was rated 16. In the USA it's rated M.
"Wow, that looks very brutal," said Chris.
"My cousin won't even let her kids play it," I said.
"Of course, it's so graphic."
"I let my son play it," I said.
"Doesn't that influence him?"
"No," I said. "I don't like to censor things for my kids."
"You have to be careful what you expose your children to, you wouldn't want them going to school and threatening violence."
"You tell them about make believe and you take it away from them if they act it out," I said. "Then you know they can't handle it."
"But you wouldn't want your kid to go to school and threaten violence and then get in big trouble at school."
"At least this isn't the United States where they have zero tolerance policy in schools."
"I hear they are trying to push it here," she said.
I finished my round of bowling and I played a different round.
"There is no way I would let my kids play that game," said Chis.
Blood splattered all over as the ball ran the zombies over.
I could remember all the violent video games I played when I was a kid and my parents never censored them. I even remember Conker's Bad Fur Day and Conker in it was drunk. It had other adult content in it which was why it was rated M. But yet they censored the TV show South Park and other adult cartoons.
Then I put my 3DS away and got out my Kindle and started to read.
"Natalia, you have to see what your son built," said Daddy.
I got up and went back in the store and I saw the structure Alex had built. He had made a nice house and I was so impressed, I said "wow" and took out my mobile phone and snapped a photo of it to put on Facebook for my whole family to see. I would post it in the aspie groups too but I would do it later. Other people were also looking at the structure.
Daddy also took a photo and he said he would show it to his whole family.
I noticed a few other people also had out their mobile phones.
"Wow Alex, you got attention for your house," I said.
I wished I was that creative but I never was. I even had a hard time in Writer's Workshop when I was in second grade and also had a hard time if we had to draw any pictures and making our own art projects. If I was given what to make, then it would have been easy. I also could never build anything good with Legos or KNex without using the idea book. I was never good in Mario Paint either or even composing my own music. Now Mario Maker was out and I will probably just play other peoples levels than making my own. I would suck at it anyway.
"I need to head out now," said Chris. "It was nice meeting you both."
"Okay," said Daddy. "I hope you had a good time."
"Oh I did," she said. "Now next time how just the four of us?"
"Oh sure," said Daddy and I.
"Landon won't be with us next week because he lives with his mum and I can always have my dad watch my son or my cousin," I said.
Chris left the store and Landon kept looking around the store.
"Whoa Dad, you have to see this," he said.
He pulled him over to a Lego set.
I followed and it was the Tower of London structure in a box. I saw the age range and it was 16 plus so I knew it would be complicated to put together. I could see Legos here were for all ages because some of them were more complex than others to put together. But lot of stuff in here was so expensive.
I decided to go back to Game so I told Daddy where I was going and left.
I looked at the eshop cards and at the Amiibos again. I also looked at the pre owned games again.
Soon Daddy came back with the kids and asked me if I was ready to go.
"Yes," I said.
"Do you need changed?" he said in my ear.
"I think I am fine," I said.
We left and we headed out to the parking garage.
"Landon, don't tell your mother we met up with another woman, she might get the wrong idea," said Daddy when we were in the car.
"What wrong idea could she possible get? That you were cheating on me?" I asked.
"No, I just don't want her to think anything," said Daddy. "You never know what ideas people may get."
"You don't want her to know you had set up an incontinent date for Natalie," said Landon.
"Yeah what's wrong with that?" I asked.
"I don't know, I don't know what she might think if she knew we all went together," said Daddy.
"But why would she be against us meeting someone online?" I asked.
"I don't know what she would think of us meeting someone from online so let's not take any chances," said Daddy.
"But we were in a public place," I said.
"So, you never know what people will think."
"I didn't know she would be that weird if she thinks it would be bad to meet someone in a public place," I said.
"You never know."
Daddy paid as we left and headed home.
* * *
I pulled into a car park and found a parking spot. I got out and locked the car and it sucked I had to pay. I went to a park meter and paid and got a ticket and stuck it in my car and walked to the building.
I waited in line and when my turn came, I went up and told her my name and she looked on the computer. She asked for my date of birth.
"Twenty two, two, eighty five," I said.
"February?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Yes," I said again.
"The twenty second?"
"What are you here for?"
"Prenatal," I said.
"You have an appointment at ten twenty?"
"Yes," I said.
"Okay, you're all checked in, fill this out and you will hand it in in the office when your name is called," she said.
"Thanks," I said.
"Your name will be called on the left side," she pointed with her pen.
I went to the left side of the waiting room and found a place to sit.
I filled out the answers and so far I have not had any concerns or complications or any morning sickness except I had been tired all the time and having sore breasts and peeing more and my urine smelled different and I have lost a couple pounds. But the question I was stumped at was it was asking me about domestic abuse. I had Alex but I wasn't sure if he counted as abuse. He doesn't hit me that often or push me or scratch. I was afraid if I ticked yes in that box, something bad might happen but if I ticked it no, it would be dishonest. I took out my phone and called Daddy. It went straight to voice box so I called my dad instead.
"Dad," I said.
"Hey Natalie, how are you?"
"I am fine but I had a question?" I said.
"What is it?"
"I am at my first appointment and I am filling out a form and it's asking me if I am in any domestic abuse?"
"You would put no," he said.
"Yeah but Alex, he is sometimes aggressive?" I said.
"Do you feel you are in any danger? Do you fear him?"
"No," I said.
"Okay, so put no. What is this about?"
"I am filling out a form for my first appointment," I said.
"Just something," I said.
"You can tell me, is something wrong, you're at a doctor's office."
"No I am in the waiting room," I corrected,
"Whatever, are you okay"
"Yes I am fine. I just don't want to talk about it," I said.
"Okay, now I am wondering that you are so mysterious about."
"Well I got to go, I just called to ask you something," I said.
"Okay, I will talk to you later."
"Bye," I said.
Dad hung up.
I put my phone away and checked no.
Would Alex really push on my tummy and hit it when he knows I am pregnant? I didn't think he would be that psychotic to do that so maybe I was in no danger. He has never beaten anyone pregnant or hit a pregnant stomach or kick at it. He has never punched anyone in the stomach either so maybe there was no worries about domestic abuse and my son had never shoved me into any walls or furniture or thrown things at me or chased me with any weapons like some horror stories I have heard online about special needs kids. Those kids were probably rare and very sick that need to be locked away and there ought to be a law to protect families and people from those kids.
"Natalia," my name was called.
I got up and there stood a black man. I read his name tag, it said Jamal.
"Right this way," he said.
I followed him and he took me to a scale and told me to take off my shoes.
I took them off and got on the scale and I heard a beep and I saw the numbers. 132 I weighed now.
Then Jamal took my height and I followed him to the office. I sat down in the chair.
"How are you today?" he asked.
"Fine," I said.
He got on his computer and pulled up my information.
"I see you are here for prenatal care, I need to check your blood pressure and temperature and breathing."
He started doing that. He strapped the thing around my upper arm and put the stethoscope on my arm and took my blood pressure.
"Good," he said.
He took it off and checked my heart and breathing and then he took my temperature and then he checked my ears and everything was good.
"Dr. Whitell will be with you shortly," he said.
He got off the computer and left.
I took out my 3DS and played Pokemon Shuffle.
Soon there was a knock on the door and I said "Come in."
In came another young man. He could be my age or older or younger, it's hard to tell how old an adult is when they don't look old.
"Hi I am Arthur Whitell, your obstetrician."
He got on the computer and asked for my name.
"Natalia Willums," I said.
He pulled up my info and saw my weight and height and the other information. He also saw my due date and said I was twelve weeks along now. Then he started to ask me some questions.
"No," I said.
"Any fluid leaking?"
"No," I said.
"Any light headness or morning sickness?"
"No and no," I said.
"Do you smoke or drink?"
"No to either," I said.
"Anyone in your house smoke?"
"No," I said.
"Any domestic violence or abuse?"
"No," I said.
"Are you on any medication?"
"Prenatal," I said.
I had quit taking my anxiety pills.
He asked me more questions and I said no to all of them.
He then picked up my form and looked at it. Then he told me to hop up on the bed.
I got up and sat on it and he pulled the thing out to expand the bed and told me to lay down. He then pulled my shirt up and pulled my trousers down a little and he saw my nappy.
He pulled the front of it down too and pressed on my tummy and felt around.
Then he put on a glove and grabbed a measuring tape and stuck it inside my nappy and then measured my uterus. Then he pulled it out and wrote it on the computer. Then he felt my breasts.
"Okay, good," he said. "We will need to do a urine sample so are you able to give us one?"
"Sure," I said.
"Okay, how do you want it done?"
"With a catheter," I said.
"Okay, I will bring the stuff in here and get it done," he said.
He left the office and I laid here.
Soon he came back with the doppler and catheter and the small tube for the urine.
"Okay, I will need you to pull down your trousers and take off the nappy," he said.
I pulled them down and undid the front of my nappy and stayed on top of it.
He got the catheter ready and positioned my legs and he rubbed a alcohol pad on my pussy over the folded skin to make it clean. Then he said "Okay, I am going to put this tube up your urethra now so it might feel a little uncomfortable."
I got ready and he stuck it up there and I could barely feel it. Then he was done and I saw the tube and it was filled with my urine. He put a sticker on it and set it down on the tray.
"Do you need a spare nappy?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Do you need to put a clean one on or are you fine the way you are now?" he asked.
He had plugged in the doppler and he had the gel with him.
"I will wait until you are done," I said.
"Okay, let's get started here."
He rubbed some gel on my tummy where my uterus is. He turned on the doppler and it made a loud fuzzy sound. I could hear my own breathing and my own heart thumping.
I felt nervous. Was the baby alive in there?
I then heard another heartbeat.
"Is that the heartbeat?" I asked.
"That's yours," said Arthur.
He kept moving the doppler around and then he said "I might have to push down further so you will feel pressure."
He pushed the doppler down harder on my belly and then felt around and it was towards my pelvis bone and then I heard a different heartbeat.
"Shh shh," he said holding up his left finger.
The different quiet heart beat kept thumping and then he pulled the doppler off and wiped the gel off and said "That was a very good one."
"That was the baby?" I said.
"It was, congratulations."
I felt a little happy. I didn't know why.
He wiped the gel off using a rag and he put the baby's information on the computer and said he will set up my next appointment to come in again next month. He looked at the booking dates and I picked mornings for when my son would be in school again so that way I wouldn't have to bring him here or have my husband take any time off work to watch him or my dad or have anyone work around their schedule to watch him.
He then left the office to hand me the papers about my check up and with my next appointment date. I got a clean nappy on and put my trousers back on and I threw my used one away. I washed my hands and put my shoes back on. I played my 3DS again and Arthur came back and said "Here you go and you have a nice day, nice meeting you Natalia. I'll see you next month. You will checkout in the front where you checked in," he said.
He left and I put my 3DS away and grabbed my nappy bag and left. I waited in line to check out.
When my turn came, I told her my name and she saw on the computer when my next appointment was and asked if she needed to write it down for me. I told her it was fine and I already had my next appointment on my papers here and showed them.
"Okay, you're all good to go."
I left the building and got in my car. I felt happy my baby was alive. I didn't know why I felt happy. But at the same time I felt a little disappointed it was even still alive. I was having contradicting feelings.
I arrived home and I felt a little tired but I had some cleaning to do. The house was disheveled. I picked some stuff up and did sweeping. I then vacuumed and I checked the washer for linen. I also went upstairs and picked up some dirty clothes and brought them down to the kitchen and put them in the washer and turned it on. I did the dishes and then took a break. I got on my computer and went to my usual websites.
I thought about when I should break the news to everyone. I wondered if I should tell Chris. I did hear the heartbeat so there was less chance I was going to miscarry. But most miscarriages happened in the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy so I better wait until I get to 13 weeks.
I lost track of time because I was on the computer for too long and forgot about cleaning and lunch. It was about time to get Alex so I got up and the washer was still going. I unloaded the dishwasher and then I left to get Alex.
It was about a forty minute drive and when I got there I parked the car again. Thank god we don't need to pay to park. I slammed the car door closed and went in the school. I walked to my son's classroom.
I saw Mrs. Bruen in the room and I saw Alex was playing with a pattern puzzle. He was putting in the shapes to match the pattern to make a picture. I always loved those toys when I was a kid and I would hate it when kids would play it wrong and put the pieces in the wrong place. A least Alex was doing it right.
"Hey Natalia," said Mrs. Bruen. "You might be excited to hear this but Mrs. Carutis is no longer teaching here."
My eyes lit up. "Really, what happened to her?"
"I don't know, I just heard she is no longer working here."
"Did she get sacked?"
"I don't know, I only heard she is no longer working here. I keep telling you that."
This was great news. I felt like jumping up and down and shrieking and flapping my hands but I didn't want to act all autistic so I kept it in.
I went over to Alex and he had his stuff right by his chair.
"Okay Alex, Mummy is here so it's time to head home."
"No," he said.
"I would just let him finish the puzzle and then we'll pack it up," said Mrs. Bruen.
"Okay, just finish this puzzle and then we will put it away and head home," I told him.
I sat down at the table with him and pulled out my 3DS.
"Alex, did you know Mrs. Carutis is no longer working here?" I asked. "Mrs. Bruen just told me the good news. Now other kids here don't have to worry about her anymore and their parents."
Alex started to bounce in his chair and flap his arm. I think he was happy to hear the news.
"I bet you're happy," I said.
Alex kept working at his puzzle.
I looked at the home screen on my game system and then I picked up my son's backpack and opened it and took out his folder. I opened it and looked at the papers they put in there. I looked at the newsletter and their upcoming events and field trips. They even were asking for parent volunteers in their school again and offering parent teacher time where the parents come and have tea or coffee and visit with the teachers and staff before school. I felt my nappy getting wetter and I kept peeing while I looked at one of the papers. Then I put the stuff away and went back to my 3DS. Alex still worked on the pattern and when he was done, Mrs. Bruen said, "No no no, it's time to put it away, remember what we said, you finish this puzzle and then we'll put it away."
Alex flapped his hand and looked at the toy while Mrs. Bruen was putting it away. I told Alex to get his backpack on. He stood out of his chair and I put it on him and I took his hand. As we were walking down the hall I heard a kid shout "Mum look, she has wet spots?"
"Sshh, Christian," I heard the mother say.
I turned and looked and I saw a kid that looked to be about eleven.
"Sorry," she said.
"Why is it wet?" Christian asked again.
"Christian," the mother scolded. "What did I tell you about pointing out flaws in people?"
I didn't say anything and kept on walking so I didn't hear what the boy said. This is a special school for kids with social issues and autism and different developmental issues so I would expect brutal honesty here due to lack of filter and awareness of feelings.
I felt my butt around the diaper line and it was soaking wet. My nappy had leaked. It must have happened after I peed. I had to take Alex back to the classroom and I told Mrs. Bruen I had to head to the toilet before my departure. I left Alex behind and headed to the toilet. I went in the stall and pulled my pants down and took off my soaking wet nappy. I wiped my bottom with a baby wipe and I put some rash cream on to avoid a nappy rash since those are a pain when you're incontinent. I took out a clean nappy and put it on. I threw the wet one away and washed my hands and went back to get Alex. Then we headed to the car. I was surprised no one else said anything about my wet pants but that boy.
We went out to the car and I got Alex in and I buckled him in and closed the car door. I got in on the drivers side and turned the car on.
I still had to tell Daddy the news but he wasn't going to be home until I am at work and he will be in bed sleeping by then. I decided I would just leave my pregnancy papers on his bed and he will look at them and know there was a heartbeat.
"Hey princess, I saw there was a heart beat," Daddy told me the next morning in my cot.
He rubbed my face. "I'm so happy."
Definitely no abortion. His attitude helps me make up my mind.
"We're going to have this baby together," he said.
"I hope I will be able to handle both kids," I said.
"I will be around to help, you're not the only parent so don't you worry about it," said Daddy.
"What if it's just like Alex? I wouldn't be able to handle both."
Daddy just hugged me in his arms.
"What if I got an abortion?" I asked.
"No don't do that."
"What if I did it anyway?"
"Then I would be very upset."
I wouldn't want to upset my daddy too much. I wouldn't want to ruin our marriage or lose his trust or even lose my daddy. I would feel awful if I killed his baby and did it behind his back and lied about it and pretended it was a miscarriage.
"Let's get you changed," said Daddy.
He got out of my cot and got a clean nappy and wipes and he put the side down. He put a changing pad under me and he took off my pajama bottoms and rubber pants. "You're a stinky girl."
He undid my nappy and he started to clean me up. Then he lifted my legs in the air and continued cleaning me up. Then he unfolded the clean nappy and lifted my legs again and took away my wet nappy and put a clean one under me. He put rash cream on my bottom and put the nappy on me. Then he put my rubber pants and pajamas bottoms back on and took the wet nappy away and put the covers back over me. He threw the nappy away and washed his hands and started to get dressed for work. I cuddled with my stuffed animal.
Thirteen weeks finally came and it was time to start telling people. I let Daddy know he could start telling everyone now.
"We should also tell your son," I said.
"And Alex," said Daddy. "Let's break the news to Christina and the kids first since they live here."
Daddy went to work after he changed me and got ready for work again. I got on Facebook and after I got home from dropping of Alex and I announced the news on Facebook. I wrote "My husband and I will be adding a new addition to the family."
I looked around on Facebook and I got a notification. It popped up saying someone had commented on my status. I looked and I got "Congratulations, when are you due?"
I wrote March 23rd.
Then I had another comment.
"I heard you were pregnant," Grandma Del wrote.
Mum and her big mouth.
I wrote "My mom must have already told everyone."
Few minutes later Grandma Del wrote, "I heard from Brian."
I still knew it was Mum because how else would anyone know? Word spreads. I was surprised no one ever mentioned it to me.
I kept looking on Facebook and I got some Likes on my status. I felt happy. Everyone was taking it so well so that made me feel better. Maybe things will be alright.
I saw a status from Matthew saying he was excited to be touring Europe this fall.
He is a musician so he makes music and plays the drums and has his own band. My first boyfriend got him into drums so after he had dumped me over my medical problem, I had to listen to the tapping and Matthew got drums for Christmas one year and a few years later he was given an electric guitar and that was his only birthday present he got and he was happy with it. But he mostly likes the beat so he hums and sings. They have even released their first album last year. I don't really tell anyone he is my brother because I doubt they will believe me unless I have proof. Also I don't want people to think I am attention whoring or trying to be special or think I am bragging or trying to get everyone to think I am cool.
I wrote Mum a message asking her if she told anyone I was pregnant. I hit send and I did some cleaning again.
I told Christina the news when she got home. I waited until she was back before I told her and her kids I was adding to the family but at the same time I felt nervous. I didn't know if she was going to be happy or worried. Alex was up in his room again so I wasn't going to break the news to him yet.
"Christina, I have something to share."
"What?" she asked.
She was making something in the kitchen for dinner before I was leaving for work.
I showed her my papers from the appointment.
"What are those?"
"Read it," I said.
"I can't right now, I will later though."
I just set them on the kitchen table for her to read later.
I got ready for work.
I was surprised Daddy was still up when I got back. He was in the living room watching some TV.
"What are you doing up?" I asked.
"Come here," he smiled.
I came to him.
"Sit down," he said.
He grabbed me and put me on his lap.
"This Saturday, Chris is going to be here so it will just be the four of us alone."
"What about Alex and Christina and Alexis and Haley?" I asked.
"I took care of it so it will just be us alone for the whole day, she wants to explore the whole adult baby thing so for the whole day you and her will be baby girls, you will both be play dates."
"Will you be changing her too?" I asked.
"If she feels comfortable with it."
"Does Christina know we are having a baby?"
"Yes she knows, I told her."
"How did she react?"
"She was happy."
I felt better. So she wasn't worried or didn't think I shouldn't have another baby.
"Does my dad know yet?" I asked.
"I haven' told him, I was thinking you would but I told my family and they were very excited."
"Does Landon know?"
"Nope but we will tell him when he gets here unless the news gets to him first."
"So when will she be here?'
"Everyone will be leaving here in the morning and I don't know when Chris will be here."
"I'm so happy," I said. "When did you plan this?"
"I hope that will be enough time for Alex to be mentally prepared."
Daddy then started to check my nappy.
"You need changed."
"I was going to shower," I told him.
"I can give you a bath, c'mon little girl."
Daddy turned the lights off in the reception room and took me upstairs.
He brought me to our room and he got me undressed. He led me to our bathroom and he got the tub started. He took off my nappy and he checked the water and had me get in. Daddy put bubbles in and started to bath me. He washed my body and then he rubbed my pussy. It felt so good. Daddy kept on doing it. I breathed deeply. Then he washed my hair and rinse it out and then he handed me my razor so I could shave.
"Be careful with this blade, it's owie," said Daddy. "I will sit on the toilet and watch you so you won't cut yourself."
Daddy sat on the toilet while I shaved. I tapped the razor on the tub to get the hair off and I kept shaving and then I rinsed the hair off the tub and handed him the razor. Daddy took it from me and set it on the sink and got a towel. He came back in and let the water out. I stood up and Daddy dried me off. Then he had me step out of the tub and he dried my legs off.
"Go sit on the toilet little girl, I have to get the supplies ready ."
I wrapped the towel on my head and lifted the toilet seat cover and sat down. I waited for Daddy and he came back and took my hand. He brought me to his bed and I laid on the changing pad. Daddy rubbed rash cream on me and then he unfolded the Fabine nappy. He lifted my legs in the air and placed the nappy under me. Then he set them back down and put the nappy on me. Then he put the rubber pants on me and got my pajamas on. "Okay, lets snuggle in your bed," said Daddy.
I climbed in my cot and Daddy turned the light off and climbed in my bed and laid down next to me under the covers. He rubbed my head and back.
I enjoyed the nice touch and it felt so soft, I could never get enough of it. I could have this done all night if it were possible.
Daddy kept rubbing me and I kept my eyes closed enjoying the nice touch. I felt my nappy getting warm.
Then soon he stopped rubbing me and I felt him getting up.
"Don't stop," I said.
"You were snoring so I thought you were sleeping," he said.
He laid back down and continued rubbing me.
This felt so good.
Daddy then took the towel off my head and threw it out of the cot and went back to rubbing me.
I finally woke up on Saturday morning. Daddy was not in the cot with me. He always gets out when I am sleeping. If he is still awake when I go to bed, he rubs me to sleep and sometimes he rocks me in my cot. He will bounce the mattress so it feels like I am being rocked.
My nappy was very wet again from my night time accidents. I looked on Daddy's bed and he wasn't there. He must be downstairs.
I laid here for a few more minutes and then I climbed out and went downstairs. Daddy was sitting in the chair in the living room.
"Hey Princess, come here," he said.
I came to him and he sat me on his lap.
He felt my nappy and said "You're very wet. Let's get you cleaned up before your son wakes up."
We got up and he took me upstairs to our room. Daddy got out the changing pad and set it on his bed and I laid on top of it. Daddy got out another Fabine and got the cream and wipes and he started to pull down my bottoms and my rubber pants. He took them off and undid my nappy. He got out a wipe and started wiping me. Then he lifted my legs in the air and wiped the rest of my bottom. Then he set them back down and unfolded the clean nappy and lifted my legs again. He took the wet nappy away and placed the clean one under me. He wiped some cream on my bottom and then taped the nappy up and threw my used one away. Then he got me dressed. I let him pick out my clothes. He went to the chest and picked out an AB outfit. He took out baby Princess Peach. He took off my top and put the onesie on me. He snapped the bottom and then he put the trousers on me that were all pink except for at the ankles that were white with pink stripes.
"Isn't anyone going to see me like this?" I asked.
I was confused why he had me dressed this way if he wanted to keep our lifestyle a secret.
"No one is going to see it," he said.
Daddy went to the wardrobe and took out my bathrobe. He put it on me and tied it.
"Now no one will see," he said.
He also pulled up my trousers so the bottom of them wouldn't show.
"There," he said. "Now let's get you some breakfast before the others are up."
He took me downstairs and he sat me on the couch. He turned the TV on and put on a kid's show for me. Then he went into the kitchen and came back with a kiddie cup. He handed it to me and I took a sip and it was orange juice.
Daddy went back to the kitchen and I kept watching TV.
Then Christina came in the living room. She went in the kitchen.
Soon Daddy came out with breakfast on a kiddie plate. He had cooked pancakes and eggs with ham and toast. He set it on the coffee table in front of me.
I ate my food and then I went upstairs and got on my computer. I checked my Facebook and I saw I had a lot of notifications. I looked at them and I saw I had more comments to my pregnancy status. I read them and I saw Kelly had left a comment. She had written, "Another one, oh boy, I hope you will be able to handle it Natalie. Good luck and I hope everyone gives you enough support."
Everyone else was saying congratulations. I even saw a message from my mother and she said she did tell a few people and asked me why. I told her I wanted it to be a secret until I was ready to tell to be sure I wouldn't miscarry.
I checked the other forums I go to and then I set the computer down and went downstairs. Christina was already up.
"When are you guys leaving?"
"Oh anxious to kick us out?" said Christina. "I am just waiting until both my girls are up and your son and then we'll get ready."
"Dad-er Steven, when will Chris be here?" I asked.
"I will look online to see," said Daddy.
I had almost called him Daddy in front of my cousin. That would be so embarrassing.
I got back on my computer and got on Fetlife to see if I had any messages from her. I was surprised she didn't say anything to me about this and only to Daddy.
I checked the posts in the groups and then Daddy came in my room.
"Alex is up."
I put my computer down.
"Don't forget about the toilet," Daddy reminded me.
I left our room and went downstairs. Alex was in the living room sitting down on the floor.
"Time to use the toilet Alex," I said.
I took his hand and led him to the bathroom.
"Every morning when you wake up, you always use the toilet," I told him.
I took him in there and pulled down his trousers and his wet pull up. I had him sit on the toilet. He peed and I wiped his penis and ripped off his pull up and tossed it in the trash. I pulled his trousers back up and had him wash his hands. I waited until he was out of the bathroom before I flushed the toilet. Then I took him upstairs and put another clean pull up on him.
"Do you want to eat?" I asked.
He left his room again and I followed him downstairs and he stayed in the living room.
I went in the kitchen and put Honey Loops in the bowl. I saw I was running out so I had to buy more today or tomorrow. I set the bowl on the dining room table. I went back upstairs to my room and did more computer. I took off my bathrobe and threw it on my cot.
Everyone soon left later in the morning and it was just Daddy and me here.
"When does Chris get here?" I asked.
"Soon," said Dad.
"What time?" I asked.
"I don't know, she will be here around noon."
Noon came and she still wasn't here. I felt anxious. What if she didn't come.
"When does she get here?" I asked.
"Boy are you impatient just like a little kid," said Daddy.
"I don't know when she will be here and what if she doesn't come, I hate it when people don't stick with their plans," I said.
I had set my mind to her coming and if she didn't come, it would be hard to make my head switch gears. It makes me too anxious when people change plans at the last minute or don't tell me when something will happen.
"Natalia, come here," said Daddy.
He grabbed the TV remote and turned on the TV. He went to On Demand and picked a show for me to watch.
"This will help keep your mind off it, enjoy the show."
Daddy set the remote down and left the room.
A Disney short was playing and I watched the show.
Soon the show ended and I felt anxious again.
Daddy was playing on his computer in the dining room.
"When does she get here?" I asked.
Daddy got out of his chair.
"I have an idea," he said. "Let's clean this place before she gets here, that will take your mind off. Make sure the floor doesn't need sweeping and none of the rugs need to be vacuumed and I will work on the kitchen."
I went to the cupboard and got out a broom and I started to sweep the kitchen and I swept the hallway and the hardwood floor along the carpets and then I got a dust pan and picked up the dirt. I also got the vacuum and vacuumed the rugs and carpets.
Daddy checked the bathrooms and he cleaned the toilets quick and the sink.
I patrolled the house seeing what needed to be cleaned.
The toys were put away, I didn't need to worry about my cousin's room or her kids
I looked at the time and it was close to one. I felt very anxious. It was already the middle of the day and she still hadn't come. I felt lied to.
"She isn't coming," I cried.
I dropped what I was doing and went in my room.
I hated when anyone did this; make plans and not say when they will be here and they don't even call to say if they will be late or not be able to make it. I know shit happens so plan will change but she never called so I didn't know what to expect. Was she flaking out on us?
It ought to be rude to make plans and not follow through. I shouldn't have to be stuck at home being anxious because I didn't know if someone will be coming or not. If people are not going to be decent to tell you if they will be here and what time and even bother to call you to say they will be late or not, I will just go on with my day like there are no plans. Screw them.
I got back on my computer. I looked on Facebook again. I saw I had a new message. I clicked on it and Mum had said "I told Aunt Elizabeth and Grandma Del, your brothers, your half sister, Rosie, Aunt Caitlin and many others."
I wrote back "They must have blabbed it because everyone on your side of the family already knew and you're lucky I didn't miscarry or else everyone would have thought I was going to have a baby and that I have two kids now."
Then Daddy came in my room while I was typing it.
"Whats wrong?" he asked.
He saw I was upset and my face must have showed it.
"I don't think she is coming, it should be rude to make plans and not follow through and she didn't even call," I cried. "I wish you didn't tell me," I said.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I know you're disappointed but sometimes things happen and she might have gotten nervous and was too afraid to tell us."
I was still upset about the change.
"Why would she get nervous?"
"I don't know, I am just guessing. Maybe she decided she didn't want to do the whole baby thing and backed out."
"She should have cancelled."
"I know but she might have gotten nervous. Let's check online. Go to Fetlife."
I opened a new tab and went to Fetlife.
"Now sign into my account."
I logged out of mine and Daddy had me put in his username and password and he had me check out his friends. We looked for her profile and saw it.
"She is still on it so I don't know what happened," said Daddy.
"Maybe she died," I said.
"No," said Daddy.
"Maybe there was an accident or maybe a bus broke down or the train."
"Good thinking. Maybe," said Dad. "Do you want to check the local news to be sure nothing happened?"
"No," I said.
"We'll I'm curious, let's check it out, go to BBC news."
I went to the BBc website and I checked out the London news. Daddy looked and he didn't find anything that might have disrupted the service.
"She should have called," I said.
"What if she got stuck underground, there is no signal," said Daddy.
He clicked around and then he clicked on US & Canada and started checking out the news there. I waited for him to get finished. Then the doorbell rang.
"That must be her," said Daddy.
He gave me back my computer and I put mine on the chair and followed him to the front door. He opened it and there stood Chris.
"Hi," she said.
"It's about time, what took you so long to get here?" I asked.
"She was worried you weren't coming," said Daddy.
"Oh, no," she said.
She took a step inside. I felt nervous, what were we going to be doing now.
I saw Chris had her bag with her again.
"Do you like video games?" I asked.
"I don't really play any," she said.
"I have a Wii U and we can all play Mario party or the Wii U party or play Nintendo Land," I said. "I also have Mario Kart and I have some old games too on the virtual console."
"I'm sorry I am not familiar with any of those and what's a virtual console?"
She really hadn't been paying any attention to the gaming industry.
"I can show you," I said.
I figured it would be easier to show her.
"So ready to play?" Daddy asked.
"I have a bunch of adult baby clothes so you can wear one of them if you like," I said.
I felt very happy she was here I jumped up and down like a little kid.
"What is she doing?" Chris asked.
"She's very excited, remember I warned you," said Daddy. "Natalia, settle down."
He held me close to him.
I stopped jumping.
"There that's better," said Daddy and he let go of me.
"Want to wear one of my baby outfits?" I asked Chris.
"Okay," she said.
"Come on?" I said.
"Let's show her our house first," said Steven.
"This is the hallway," I said. I opened the door under the stars. "This here is a bathroom," I said. "It has no shower but we call it a powder room in the states."
Daddy opened another door, this here is the cupboard where we keep our coats.
"This door here leads to the kitchen but it's blocked off with the table we push against the wall," I pointed.
Daddy lead Chris in the living room.
"This is the living room and here is the dining room and our kitchen."
"Is there a point having another table if you have the table over here," Chris pointed to the dining room table. "Then you would have more room and be able to use the door again."
"It's not ours," I said. "It's Christina's. The kitchen table that is."
"We can just go through here," Daddy pointed to the living room and dining room.
Then we took her upstairs.
"Here is another bathroom," said Daddy opening the door and showing it.
Christina peeked inside.
"Here is my son's bedroom," I said.
I pointed in his bedroom.
"This is Christina's room," Daddy pointed to her door. "The upstairs is her kid's bedroom," he pointed up the stairs.
Then he showed us our room.
"This here is our bedroom."
We were now in our bedroom and Chris saw my cot.
Daddy walked to one side of the room. "This part here was another bedroom but they had converted it into one room because this bedroom was too small so they made it one room. All it would fit was a bed and dresser and you would have about this much room in between," Dad pointed using his hands to measure the length. "So we use this as Natalia's sitting area and this is where I rock her. There used to be a door right here," Steven pointed at the wall.
"There is another bathroom over there," I pointed. "This floor would have had four bedrooms instead of three and we had to turn the upstairs into another bedroom for the kids so they could have their own room."
"It was just an extra room," said Daddy. "It could be used as any room. We were going to have a game room but plans changed when her cousin came to live with us."
"Yeah she and her husband separated and we invited her to come live with us," I said.
I wondered how we were going to fit another baby in the house. He or she would probably have to share with Haley and Alexis. I wasn't sure how Alex would feel about sharing his room. We were going to be even more crowded because we would need to buy him or her some clothes and have a high chair and everything and we would also have to buy it some presents so that means more toys in the house. Luckily my son likes to keep his stuff together and gets very upset if anyone touches it or plays with it but Haley and Alexis like to toss their stuff around and Christina had just gotten rid of a bunch of it because she got tired of all the crap and the messes and I hated it too.
Chris looked at our bathroom.
I opened my chest and started taking out the bABy clothes.
"Here are the adult baby clothes," I said.
I laid them out all over Daddy's bed.
Chris looked at them when she was done looking at our bathroom.
"Oh this is so cute," she picked up my 101 Dalmatians outfit. It was a long sleeve shirt and pants and it was hand made. The pants were black with spotted ruffles around the waist and ankles and it had one of the Disney puppies at the bottom on the left leg. The long sleeve shirt was red with spotted ruffles going down the front and around the shoulders and it had a Disney Dalmatian puppy face in the middle in the middle of the shirt between two ruffles and it looked like he was peeking over something so the rest of its body wasn't shown. It just had the color black across between the two ruffles with the puppy face right on top.
"I really like this one," I said.
"Well I won't wear it then, I don't want to ruin it," she put it down.
She looked at my other outfits.
"You can wear any outfit," I said.
"Yes," I said.
Chris kept looking and then she picked out an outfit to wear. It was a teddy bear outfit with a top that looked like a dress and the bottoms were pants. The pants also had ruffles at the bottom around the ankles and at the top were ruffles on the back. The top had a teddy bear face on it it also had the color blue on it with flowers and it also had lace.
"Do you want to put it on yourself or have it done for you?" Daddy asked.
"I am very nervous," said Chris.
"Oh that is okay, I will just step out of the room, come on Natalia."
"What are you nervous about?" I asked.
"About being seen naked."
"Natalia, you don't need to know why, she just is, come with me," said Daddy.
He took my hand and led me out of our room and shut the door.
We stood out in the hall while Chris got my outfit on.
Then she came out and she was in my outfit.
"You look very cute in it," said Daddy. "Let me know if you get uncomfortable with the role play, let's do a safe word. Pick one?"
"I will just say London," said Chris.
"No that might be too confusing, let's pick a word you never say."
"How about Anita?" I asked. .
"Yeah we can use that word, that is Natalia's safe word," said Daddy.
"Okay, I will do Anita," said Chris. "I don't know anyone with that name."
"Okay little girls, it's time for some lunch," said Daddy.
"Actually I just ate on the way here," said Chris.
"Baby girls have to eat," said Daddy.
"Anita, I ate on the way here," said Chris.
"Okay, you don't have to eat then and you can have it later."
Daddy took our hands and led us downstairs.
"I need to check your diaper first Princess."
Daddy reached in my trousers and stuck his hands in my nappy. "Let's get you changed first."
Daddy led me back to our room and Chris's clothes were on his bed with my other bABy clothees. Daddy moved them to his pillow and he got out the changing pad and the other supplies.
"I will just wait out here," said Chris.
"You can be in here if that is alright with my little girl," said Daddy.
"I guess I can watch and see what it's like if she doesn't mind," said Chris.
Daddy undid my trousers and pulled them up. He also unsnapped my onesie and pulled them up. He untaped my nappy and opened it. He took out a wipe and wiped my bottom and lifted my legs and wiped them. Daddy just did it and didn't wipe me for pleasure. He was doing it the way he would with a real baby.
"How often do you change her nappies?" Chris asked.
"About every day," said Daddy. "I change her every morning the most and I change her when she is messy and whenever I am home."
"How long have you had the cot?"
"I got it for her birthday last February."
"I think it's very nice and does anyone know about it?"
"Everyone in this house."
Did Haley and Alexis already knew too? What about my son?
"The kids already know?" I asked.
"Probably," said Daddy. "My son already knows."
"Does it confuse them or affect them?" Chris asked.
"No, it hasn't yet," said Daddy.
"What do they think of it?"
"My son doesn't know it's for her being an adult baby, he thinks it's for her problem."
"Oh you know what I warned you about?"
"Oh yeah. Does anyone know about your adult baby thing?"
"Christina does but not anyone else," I said.
"What does she think of it?" Chris asked.
"She doesn't care," I said. "But she isn't into it."
"I hope I am not asking too personal questions, I am just very curious about all this," said Chris.
"Oh no, you're fine, just ask away you are curious about," said Daddy.
Daddy finished changing me and he did the snaps again.
He threw my nappy away and washed his hands.
"How is your nappy?' Daddy asked Chris.
"Anita," she said.
"Oh sorry," said Daddy. "Just let me know when you're ready to be changed."
He took us both downstairs to the living room.
He took out some toys for us to play with which were Haley's toys. Then he turned on the TV again and went On Demand and picked another kid's show for us to watch. It was Dora and Friends.
Daddy went in the kitchen.
I wandered upstairs and got my computer and brought it back down. I sat on the couch with it and I realized I never submitted the message on Facebook so I finished what I was typing and sent it.
The show played and Chris just sat on the couch.
Then Daddy put my food on the dining room table and told me to 'come here.'
I got up and Daddy had a bib with him and he put it on me and sat me down in the chair. He had my food on the kiddie plate and he sat down next to me and started to feed me. It was soup he had made and he would wipe my face whenever I dripped or spilled food while he fed me.
"Do you usually do this?" Chris asked.
"Sometimes," said Daddy. "When we're together."
"When we're alone," I said.
"I was going to do it this morning but then everyone got up," said Daddy. "So she fed herself but I cooked the food."
Daddy got finished feeding me and he wiped my face and took off my bib and he gave me milk to drink in a sippy cup.
"Do you want any nummies?" Daddy asked.
Chris shook her head.
The show was already over so Daddy turned to a different show.
Then the whole room got filled with a foul odor.
"Did you poop your nappy?" I asked.
"Excuse me," she said.
She grabbed her nappy bag and went in the bathroom to change.
"Too bad you can't change her Daddy," I said.
"I don't think she feels comfortable with us doing it yet," he said.
"It would be awesome if I changed her," I said.
Chris took a while in there and I could hear her putting on a nappy and then she came out. She walked in the hall slowly and Daddy asked her if she needed help.
"I don't know where to put this," she said quietly barely showing the used nappy.
"I'll take care of it," said Daddy.
She gave it to him and he took it outside.
"Anita, no, not out there ," said Chris.
"It's fine, no one is going to know it's yours," said Daddy.
Chris had a frightened look on her face when Daddy opened the front door and he went outside.
"Oh god, I hope no one sees it," she said.
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't want anyone to know I wear nappies."
"They're not going to know it's yours," I said. "They might think it belongs to someone else who lives in this house," I said.
Daddy came back inside.
"Okay little girls, you will both play for a little while and then it's nap time," said Daddy.
The TV show played and I played on my computer while Chris looked at books on the shelf but Daddy stopped her saying that is for big people, her stuff is right here for her to play with and he directed her to the toys.
"Natalia, why don't you show your friend your toy?" he asked referring to my computer.
"Wanna see my other toy?" I got up and showed her my Wii U that was on the small stand from IKEA.
"That's okay," she said.
I went back to my "toy."
Soon the show ended again and Daddy got off his computer saying, "Okay girls, time for your nap, time to go upstairs. Let's check your nappies."
Daddy checked mine first and said I was okay even though I was a little wet.
Then he headed for Chris but she said "Anita" quickly.
He took our hands and brought us upstairs. We both had to walk behind him while he held our hands because the stair cause was that narrow it wouldn't fit three people across. It could barely even fit two.
Daddy brought us to our room and he put us in my cot. Daddy tucked us in and he said he will be back later. He left the bedroom and Chris and I were laying together side by side in the cot.
"How do you like being in this?" I asked.
"It feels weird," she said.
"I have never been in one before."
"Adult ones you mean?" I asked.
"What other kinds are there?"
"Baby ones, this is your first time being in an adult cot huh?" I said.
"This is my first time."
"How bad was your messy nappy?" I asked Chris. "How big was it and what was it like?"
"It's too embarrassing for me to talk about this," she said.
"No it isn't," I said. "No one is here but us."
"I mean I am not comfortable talking about this because it makes me feel embarrassed, I hope you understand."
"Why?" I asked again. "I have the same problem as you so why would it be embarrassing?"
She wasn't making any sense, no one was here but us and we both have the same medical problem except she is only bowel incontinent.
"It just is, I am not comfortable talking about it," said Chris.
"It's okay." I reassured. "Daddy isn't here or do you think he is at the door listening?"
"Then it wouldn't be embarrassing and I won't laugh at you or make fun of you because why would I if I have the same medical condition as you?"
I groaned too.
She got up and started to climb out of my cot.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"But you're trying to get out so you are going somewhere," I said.
Chris kept trying to get out and then she said, "Jeez I'm stuck, how the hell do you get out of this thing?" she said.
"I climb out of it this way," I pointed to the other side where Daddy's bed is.
Chris stepped over me and climbed out and got on Daddy's bed and she got off and left my bedroom.
I stayed in my cot. I heard Daddy talking downstairs and then Daddy brought her back up.
"Princess what did I tell you about asking Chris about her accidents?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said.
"Do you remember what I told you last time we met, at the restaurant?"
I then realized he was talking about Westfield.
"That was when we were around people, we were alone now," I said.
"Okay, my bad. Sweetie, not everyone feels the same about their incontinence as you do, you need to accept that and if someone says they are not comfortable with it, you drop it," Daddy told me.
"But I don't understand-"
"You don't need to understand, you only need to know that not everyone feels the same way as you do."
"Get back in honey," he told Chris.
"Anita, I don't like pet names," said Chris.
"Oh sorry," said Daddy.
Chris got back in my cot and laid down next to me.
"Good night," said Daddy.
"It's not night time," I said.
"You know what I mean, sleep well."
He closed our door.
I didn't ask Chris again about her accidents. I felt disappointed too because I really wanted to meet someone with the same condition as me and talk about our accidents.
I decided to talk about living with it instead and what it was like when she was a kid.
"What was it like being incontinent as a child?" I asked. "Did you have many friends or get teased?"
"I got made fun of yes but I still had friends."
"Was it hard?"
"How bad was the teasing?"
"Pretty bad sometimes."
"What would they do to you?" I asked.
"Pull my trousers down, slap my butt, try and take my nappies and the teachers wouldn't do anything about it."
I was shocked.
"It was my word against theirs and I guess anyone was too afraid to speak up fearing they would be tattling."
"That's stupid," I said.
"Well when you're a kid, you want to survive and no kid wants to get bullied. Remember, lot of people don't like snitches so if you snitch, you get it."
"I bet they hate it because they don't want to get in trouble and they like doing bad things," I said.
"So your friends didn't tell them either?" I asked.
"Too afraid I guess."
"If a bunch of kids would have told, then those kids would have a lot of kids to bully," I said.
"But sadly lot of them are too afraid to do it."
"Yeah but if they all got together and said "let's tell the teachers Chris is being picked on for her medical problem and there would be too many of us for them to bully" then they would all be in it together and it would be harder to be upset by it because everyone would be getting it," I said.
"That would have been great if that actually happened," said Chris.
"So you were still normal," I said.
"Because you still had friends and kids still liked you," I said. "I remember when one of my old friends got in a car accident, she ended up incontinent like me and she had to be in a wheelchair but she still had friends and she said no one ever made fun of her for it, probably because she was in a wheelchair."
"Did you ever ask her about her accidents?"
"No because she didn't like me and we were enemies so talking to her would have just given me meanness by her."
"So she was your friend and then you two stopped being friends correct?"
"Yes," I said.
"Was it before the car accident or after?"
"Before. But I was pretty mad when I found out how she didn't get teased for her medical problem like I did. It made me feel so different and discriminated; it was okay for her to be incontinent but not me."
"Was she a popular girl?"
"I don't know, but she had friends and I didn't have any."
"Yeah the popular people will sometimes get better treatment because kids still respect them and since she was in a wheelchair, they would have been shunned for picking on a handicapped person."
"But yet when I lied about her bedwetting, she got teased for it and kids ignored me for awhile."
"You lied about her?" Chris asked. "That was mean."
"She told everyone I liked peeing in nappies so I told everyone she still wetted the bed, then kids were pissed when they found out it was all a lie because they wasted their time picking on her instead of on me."
"But wasn't that the truth?"
"Like peeing in them?"
"Yeah but she didn't know that so she meant to make it up but it happened to be true but it was still something she made up because she didn't know it was the truth, it was a coincidence."
"When did you start to like it?"
"I got used to it at first and then I started to like it around high school. I think I had become a diaper lover then and didn't know it. Once I found a nappy that worked well, I started to like it. I preferred thick nappies and have a lot of sap."
"So once you found a suitable nappy, you felt comfortable and you probably felt you could live normal now."
"Yes," I said.
"I don't think it means you really liked it, you just found a proper nappy to deal with the problem. I don't know if I would call it being a diaper lover."
Chris wasn't the first person to say I didn't like this, I remember being told by my therapist I didn't like this, I only liked what they did for me. Why do people think someone can't be a diaper lover if they are incontinent?
"So you think incontinent people can't be nappy lovers?" I asked.
"I didn't say that."
"But you told me you wouldn't call it that, I just found one that suited me well."
"I see what you are saying. But would you still keep wearing them if you could get your control back?"
"Yes," I said.
"Okay so you probably are then. But do you still wish you could have control?"
"Sometimes," I said. "Do you?"
"Oh yeah. I don't really like wearing them but I have to so I had to find a suitable nappy that is comfortable and I see them as my knickers."
"Do you like peeing in them?"
"Hard to say. I don't do it for pleasure and it doesn't arouse me. I only do it for convenience and a week ago I had a cup of coffee and that thing went through me so fast I really had to go or I would wet my pants. But there were no toilets and I found one but I didn't have change and I could have asked if I could just go but I really had to go and I felt like I was going to wet myself so instead of just holding it, I went in my nappy."
"Why didn't you ask to go?" I asked.
"I don't know, I guess I thought I would find one but I didn't want to go back so I went. Then I changed when I did find one."
"That was a waste if it could hold more," I said.
"I didn't want to get an infection."
"I don't change mine after each accident or else that would be a lot of nappies and it would be expensive," I said.
"Don't you get any infections?"
"Sometimes," I said.
"That's why you need to change."
"I use ointment cream, they have stuff to put on your skin to prevent rashes."
"Well I don't do it to enjoy it so I don't like walking around wet or messy. I find it gross. I don't know why they make nappies that hold a lot of liquids, do lot of incontinent people really stay in their wet nappies?"
"They absorb so it makes you feel dry again and it's so we wouldn't have to find a toilet so often or have to plan around it," I said.
"I see so it's more for urinary incontinent people. But how hard is it to change after one accident?"
"I pee so often," I said. "It's amazing how long my husband can go without needing to pee and I have already wet my nappy a bunch of times I don't even count or keep track or know when it happens. But I have done potty training and I pee a lot and I never know when it comes until it's going down my legs. if I had to change after every accident, it might be twenty five nappies a day," I guessed. "Even my son doesn't pee a lot."
"You have a small bladder."
"No it just doesn't hold pee and it empties itself. I will dribble or leak and even do long pees depending on the pressure."
"I see," said Chris. "So you never flood your nappies?"
"I do sometimes," I said. "Which is why I prefer nappies that can take a flood and not have it leak on me when I sit or feel like I am sitting in a puddle. I swear each nappy is made differently for different incontinence."
Then Daddy came in our room and said nap time was over and we had rested enough. He got us out of my cot and he checked my nappy again.
"How is your nappy little one?" Daddy said to Chris after he was done checking me.
"Anita," she said again.
"Okay. Down you two."
Daddy took our hands and lead us down the stairs.
"Do you want nummies?" Daddy asked Chris.
Chris shook her head.
Daddy got the toys out again and told us to play with them while he fixes us something to drink.
I sat down and looked at the toys.
Daddy was in the kitchen again and soon he came out two two sippy cups. He handed one to me and one to Chris.
"Okay little girls, it's story time so pick out a book for me to read you," said Daddy.
I jumped up and down going "yay." I love it when he reads to me.
I went to the bookshelf and picked out a random book and gave it to Daddy.
"Is this how you two role play?" Chris asked.
"Yep," said Daddy.
"You treat her like you would to a real toddler," said Chris.
"That's right," said Daddy.
"Sometimes we mix it so we will be doing adult things but he does some baby things like giving me a bottle and giving me a dummy," I explained. "or we will be doing sex and he gives me my dummy afterwards."
"That is too much information, she doesn't need to know our private life," said Daddy.
"I was just telling her how we do role play," I said.
"She doesn't need to know about our sex life," said Daddy.
"But isn't AB/DL our sex life? It's considered a fetish."
"But she doesn't need to know the other thing."
"Is this all sexual?" Chris asked.
"Yes and no," said Daddy. "It calms her and I find it all to be arousing but we are not into humiliation or domination."
"But isn't that what this all is, she is giving up control and she does whatever you want her to?"
"I guess it is in a way," said Daddy. "But it's all very mild."
I shoved the book in Daddy's face.
"Read to me Daddy," I said in a childish tone.
"Okay, you two right here," said Daddy.
He grabbed me and he sat down on the couch and he had me sit down next to him.
"Chrissy, come here," said Daddy.
"It's Chris," said Chris.
"Aw what's wrong with Chrissy? It's such a cute name for a little girl and Chris sounds too mature."
"Anita, I don't like pet names I've already told you."
"Okay sorry, sit down here."
Chris sat down and Daddy opened the book and started to read. He stroked my hair and then he had the book rested on his lap while he read.
"Anita," Chris said again.
"You sure say that a lot," I said.
"Well I'm sorry but your "daddy" is doing lot of creepy things," she said.
"Creepy?" I asked.
"Yes, the nappy checking, the pet names-"
"I did say to use the safe word if anything makes you uncomfortable," said Daddy.
"And you do it again," Chris.
"No he doesn't," I said. "He always stopped."
"And he does another creepy thing," said Chris.
"What?" Daddy and I asked.
"Yeah. You said you would stop if I let you know but instead of not being creepy, you do another creepy thing."
"Whoa," said Daddy.
"Uh I thought you wanted to try this?" I asked.
"I did say to let me know if I get creepy because I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I was just treating you how I treat my wife, the only "creepy' thing we didn't do was pleasure her during her nappy change," said Daddy.
Chris was being all weird it was scaring me. I started to rock back and forth.
"If you want to leave, you are free to anytime," said Daddy. "I don't want to keep creeping you out or you can quit role playing and just watch us, whatever makes you comfortable."
Daddy then held me and told me it was okay.
"Why would she want to try this and then call you creepy?" I asked.
"Lets get back to the story," said Daddy.
He continued reading and Chris got up and left the room. She went upstairs.
Daddy read the rest of the story and Chris was still upstairs.
"Let's see what she is doing," said Daddy.
We went upstairs together and found her in our room. She was dressed again and my bABy outfit was neatly folded on the bed and she was just fixing her top.
"I neatly folded your outfit here on the bed and I will be leaving now because I have an appointment."
"Okay, sorry for what happened," said Daddy.
"Oh don't worry about it, I should have been more clear and I am not used to this yet."
She left our room and headed downstairs. I heard her grab her nappy bag and the front door closed.
"Do you really think she has an appointment?" I asked.
"I don't know," said Daddy.
"Why did she act that way? Why would she want to try this and then get mad at you?"
"She said she wasn't comfortable with this whole thing."
"But she wanted to try it," I pointed out.
"But I don't think she really liked it."
"So why did she continue if she didn't like it?"
"I don't know. But if she doesn't come back or isn't on my friends, we'll just move on and learn from all this."
"Yeah next time we will ask someone what things they are not comfortable with before we start."
"That is a great idea Hun, we should have done that so next time we find you a play date, we will have them make a list of what they don't want so we will know what they are comfortable with."
"Do you find it funny how she kept using that safe word and expected you to read her mind?" I said.
"Yes I can believe it, women do it all the time."
"Do I do it?"
"No which makes us a great team."
"Did your ex wife do it?"
"All the time which is why our marriage failed."
I left our bedroom and went downstairs. i got on my computer again. Daddy came down and we spent the rest of our time together on our computers.
Our phone rang and Daddy answered it. It was Christina.
Daddy talked to her and he told her it was okay for them to come home now. Then he asked how Alex was doing.
"Oh really? Oh I am glad he had fun.No it didn't go well as I thought it did. Oh I will just start dinner. Okay bye."
Daddy hung up and he got out of his chair.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Oh your son had a blast and they will be coming home."
"But what did you tell her about our day?"
"I just told her we had a friend coming over and we wanted a kidfree visit and asked her if she could take Alex for the day, I didn't tell her about the playdate. You better get some real clothes on or unless you want to be seen in that."
Daddy pointed at my bABy outfit.
"When will they be home?" I asked.
"I don't know, that is why I said you better get some clothes on.
Daddy cooked some dinner and I was still on my computer. I felt my nappy getting filled with poop and it was expanding as more poop kept coming out. I felt it spread to the back and to my pussy area. I started to feel a little turned on. I then did a big fart and more poop came out. I felt a big lump form in my nappy. I felt like a stinky baby. I felt the outside of my nappy and I could feel the poop up against my skin. I reached inside my trousers and inside my onesie and rubbed the outside of the nappy.
I was too lazy to call for Daddy or to even change.
Then I got up and went upstairs and masturbated in my cot in my nappy. I felt the mess all over and it spreaded more. I moaned from the mess.
Then I felt tired. Laying down makes me sleepy, especially when I masturbate.
I rested and I peed again. This time it leaked out of my nappy and it got on my clothes because I felt a wet spot so I got out of my cot fast and I still kept peeing. Then I was done and since I had to get dressed anyway, I decided I would just clean myself up. I grabbed a clean nappy and got the rash cream and the wipes and headed in the bathroom. I set it all on the toilet and I took off my dirty bABy clothes and threw them on the floor. I got in the tub and took off my nappy and I was disgusted at what I saw. It was all over and pee dripped out and got on the bottom of the tub but I didn't care. I took the nappy away and set it on the floor. I turned the water on and waited for it to heat up and I drew the curtain and turned on the nozzle.
The poop washed off as I showered. I shaved and washed my hair and I was killing two birds with one stone. It was actually three birds with one stone because I was showering, changing my messy nappy, and getting dressed. Now I wouldn't have to worry about showering later. After I got done, I dried off and threw my messy nappy away with the rest and I got cream on my bottom and wiped it off and I put the nappy on. Then I put my bABy clothes aside and got dressed.
I came downstairs with a towel wrapped over my head and headed outside. I looked in the rubbish bin for Chris's diaper. I found it and she had it rolled up. I opened it and I saw the mess and it was also wet. She had peed it. I threw it away again and went back inside and washed my hands. I got on my computer again and checked my Facebook again. Mum had written back and she had asked me if my pregnancy was supposed to be a secret. I wrote back "yes."
Soon Christina and the kids came home and we all had dinner together in the dining room. I still had to tell Alex the news about our baby. I decided to wait until after the meal. Then next weekend I would tell Landon when he gets here.
After Alex was done eating, I decided to break the news to him.
"Alex, we have some great news for you," I said. "Let's go to your room and I will tell you."
Alex went upstairs with me and we went in his room. I closed the door. I grabbed a piece of paper from his table and sat on his bed and told him to sit in the chair.
Alex sat down and I picked up one of his pencils and started to draw. I drew my tummy being big. I also drew my uterus and drew my tiny baby and then I drew the big body. I started to write on the pictures. "Mum is pregnant so this the baby that is inside if her right here" I said. I drew the arrow to the baby. I also wrote on the other picture, "this is what mum's belly will look like when the baby grows big inside" and said it to him.
I had to show Alex about my pregnancy and tell him about how big my tummy will get so he knows of the surprise and won't be so upset when my tummy gets bigger and bigger and when I start to nest and so he won't be upset about the new baby. I also guess I would be playing with dolls again to show Alex what having a baby will be like so he would know what to expect. I would have an excuse to play with dolls again. Haley had a baby doll so I could borrow it and feed it and change it and do it with Alex so he knows.
Alex rocked back and forth.
"Are you upset?" I asked.
Alex got out his tablet and went to the application. He pointed to a face with the words below it. "Sad."
"Why are you sad?' I asked.
He started typing. "I don't like babies."
"Why?" I asked.
"They are too noisy and they give me pain."
"At least you have noise cancelling headphones," I said.
Alex grabbed my arm and squeezed it but I told him to use his words as I pulled my arm away shaking him off.
He started to type again.
"Too unpredictable," it read.
"I know they are," I said.
"Why are you having a baby?"
"It was an accident," I said.
"Can you give it away?"
"No because your stepfather and I both want this baby."
"How can you have a baby if you can't even change your own nappies and even take care of me all the time and if people try and hurt you?"
He showed a red face.
I was so proud he was able to show his emotions even if it was doing it through AAC.
"People don't try and hurt me," I said.
Alex started to stim and he started to type madly on his tablet.
"Because you don't realize it and I can read people and their intentions unlike an autistic person."
I was stunned.
"How do you know you can read people?" I asked.
"Because I know. Don't ask me why, I just do. I know when people are happy and sad and I can feel emotions around me from everyone and I can feel you being anxious and you trying to live the real world like a normie and you can't hide that from me. I know when people are up to no good because I can feel their emotions and I know when people are lying, you don't."
Alex was one of those autistics who had empathy and could feel them. Could he read body language too and read facial expressions?
"Alex, can you read body language and facial expressions?"
Alex pressed yes.
Then he started typing again. "You are not in tuned with your feelings and are not aware of them."
"How do you know all this?" I asked.
Alex typed again as he stimmed.
"I can read body language. Everyone assumes I can't just because I am autistic and can't show it or even show my own. No one believes me when I tell them."
"Who doesn't believe you?"
"Bruen?" I asked.
"It's B-R-U-E-N. I believe you," I said.
Alex started typing again.
"I have to act bad to get your attention to get you way from the bad people."
"How?" I asked.
"I will scream and be naughty and do behaviors you don't like just so you will take me out of the store and I remember when we were on the train underground and getting off, this ugly man talked to you and he wouldn't understand the word no and he just wanted something from you. He kept wanting to be your friend and trying to invite us to go with him and be friends but he was lying. You didn't know that and he was bad so I had to be bad so you will take me home and I have to be bad to make people afraid of me because people don't like different and they leave you alone. That is why you can't always calm me down unless you are safe again."
I was thrown back by that. I could remember that incident when some man who had decayed teeth and wore worn clothing with some holes in them and he smelled and he was very friendly and he seemed socially awkward. He wanted to be my friend and he tried to invite me for coffee but I don't drink coffee so he wanted to go to a pub and I said I had my son with me and he is very sensitive to noise and I don't drink. Then he just wanted to walk with me but Alex started to cry and scream and get aggressive with me and then he was on the ground screaming and banging his head and the man said he wouldn't bother me anymore and he will leave me alone with my kid since I needed to mend him. Alex just carried on and on and didn't stop until he was long gone. I wonder of all the other times he had a meltdown, what ones were fake just to protect me.
"I don't like you leaving alone so I act bad," Alex wrote.
"Is that why you always had a meltdown when I would leave for work?" I asked.
"You worry about me?"
"You're my mum."
I was shocked at all this. Alex could communicate real well on a AAC and I just learned he could read body language like a normie and could tell when people were lying and he could read intentions. He understood better than me and his disability is more severe than mine. Also he was very loyal so he took care of me basically by keeping me safe.
"Alex, if you can read people, then why did you fail tests about it?" I asked.
"The stories don't make sense. Tests are stupid. Even they don't show my real intelligence. Even the doll test is stupid, how do they know Sally didn't see the ball getting moved? They also don't even tell you what you are supposed to describe in the pictures so there are wrong answers, doctors lie."
"So that's why you hate tests," I said. "Doctors say there are no right or wrong answers because they want to see how your brain works and how you normally think and if they told you want they want to hear, then they won't get accurate results and it will lead to the wrong diagnoses. See this picture here," I pointed to the drawing of the pregnant me. "If they told you to tell them how do you think I am feeling in it, they won't get accurate results. Instead they will just tell you to tell them about the picture. Normie children will describe how the character is feeling, an autistic child will say what they see in it and what the character is doing. What would you say how this mum is feeling?"
"I don't know, it's a bad drawing of you and drawings have no emotions."
"How am I feeling now?"
Alex pointed to some smiley pictures, they were, surprised, scared, confused."
"You don't think I am happy?" I asked.
Alex pointed to confused.
Was I confused?
"What am I confused about?" I asked.
"You don't know how to feel about the new baby."
Alex was right that I was scared of having the baby but right now I wasn't feeling that way. But I was surpised at his awareness of what goes on around him and his abililty to read people like a normie and how much he cares about me. I felt so proud of him and I felt like he was normal even if on the outside he was autistic.
I bet doctors could learn more about autistic kids by communicating with them than with these tests they give them. Then they would know what their abilities are.
Then I remembered I was talking about the new baby so I got back to it.
"Okay, back to the new baby," I said. "Let's talk about it instead of about you reading body language and keeping me safe. Now what were you saying?"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"You were not happy about the new baby, let's talk about it. One of your concerns was because you can read people and have to protect me, what else?"
"You don't take care of yourself or me."
"What? But Alex, I do take care of you, I read you stories, give you baths, brush your teeth."
Alex was starting to type while I talked.
"I feed you, take you to school, get you dressed, change your pull up, take you to the bathroom, I wash your clothes."
I then looked on his tablet and he had written "You get so into your interests, you forget about me so Christina has to take care of me or Steven and he has to come get you, what is going going to happen when you are alone with the baby?"
"You're smart for a ten year old."
He continued typing. "You forget to bring me to the toilet and change my pull up and you forget to change yourself so you always smell like poo and wee and you also have to get changed like I do and you also don't feed yourself and you forget to feed me, and you go into your own world you will forget about the baby too. Please don't have this baby."
I was speechless. I was being told by my own son how bad this all was and he was not happy about having a little brother or sister.
"But babies cry so that will get my attention and no one can stand hearing a baby cry, that is why they are so annoying when they cry. Their cries are supposed to be annoying so people will take care of them to shut them up. I always used my boob to shut you up," I told him.
"You get frustrated with me and have troubles handling me so how can you handle both of us and what if the baby is like me?"
"I hope it won't be," I said. "I am hoping it will be normal but not like my sister and I hope it won't be like me."
"And what if it is?"
"I hope not," I said.
I felt sad that Alex wasn't happy about the baby and I started to wonder if it was a mistake I was having it.
"Okay, we are done for now, you can go back to doing what you were doing," I said.
I got up and left his bedroom.
I had to talk to Daddy now.
Alex then came out of his room and showed me his AAC. I could tell he was pissed because it read "being a coward because I'm right so you leave."
I wanted to hit him for it but instead I pushed him away and kept on walking down the stairs.
Alex plopped on his butt because he had lost his balance when I gave him a push.
Steven was working in the kitchen when I told him "I told Alex finally but he isn't happy about it."
"Why?" he asked.
"Why don't you ask him," I said.
I didn't want to talk about it, I figured if they both talked about it together, I wouldn't have to tell him about it.
I walked away and got my computer and went back upstairs to my room.
Daddy did talk to Alex because he had came to my room to tell me about it.
"I talked to him alright. Natalia, did you push your son?"
"Yes," I said.
"You can't do that."
"I know but at least I didn't hit him."
"It doesn't matter, you do not push him, that is mean."
I didn't say anything else.
"Did you know he could read people and understand us?" I said.
"He told me. He said he can feel our emotions and knows how we feel and he can read people, he told me, he can even tell when people are lying."
"I doubt it," said Daddy. "He probably thinks he can."
"I don't think so," I said.
"He is autistic, that is one of the characteristics, they have a hard time with body language and reading it or else he wouldn't have it."
"But some really can read it and you don't need to have all the symptoms," I pointed out.
"I still doubt he can read people."
Even Daddy didn't believe it.
"But he told me he has kept me out of danger when people try to hurt me."
"I doubt that too, he probably thinks there is danger and kids with autism tend to misread social situations so they might get scared because they can't read body language or tone and that is what he was probably describing."
"But then how did he know I was confused and unsure about having the baby and that I am scared and surprised?"
"I don't know," said Daddy. "How do you know he knew that?"
"He told me when I asked."
"Maybe he was just pushing buttons and didn't really know what those expressions meant. Are you really scared about having this baby?"
"I worry I won't be able to handle it and what if it's also autistic or like me?"
"Natalia, I will be helping you, I won't ever make you do this all alone. Don't you worry."
He started to hug me. "Daddy will help you."
"Do you think it was a coincidence Alex happened to be right about how I feel?" I asked.
"I don't know," said Daddy.
"He also isn't happy we are having this baby," I said.
"I know, he told me and I reassured him we would all be helping you and I will be raising this baby too, not just you. I know you will love this baby and take good care of it."
"How do you know?"
"Because I don't see you not taking care of it, why wouldn't you?"
"It was what Alex said," I said.
"He doesn't even know what he is talking about. He will get over it."
"I hope," i said. "I don't think I would want to be listening to the negative talk and him calling me names or else I will take that damn thing away."
"That would be mean," said Daddy.
"Why? If he is going to be verbally abusing me, I will take away whatever is enabling him to do it."
"Because that is how he communicates and taking it away would mean you took away his voice. You don't want that do you, you want him to communicate and learn to express himself and taking that from him isn't going to help, then how will he speak and express himself?"
"But he called me a coward for ending the topic because I left."
"And what if he was verbal and still called you that?"
"Oh," I said.
"See," said Daddy.
"But then I would have to take something else away," I said.
"So do that but do not take away his voice. If you do, I would have to punish you."
"How?" I asked.
"Butt spanking," he said. "I will stick my penis up your butt and you will cry."
"Why?" I asked.
"I can't take your computer away or your 3DS, I can't spank you, I can't take away your baby play or not change your nappies, I can't make you wear my mess, so this is the only option I have and I know you don't like it."
I got scared and I didn't want that thing up my ass.
"I thought you wouldn't want to hurt me?" I said.
"I don't but if you hurt your son, I am going to have to do something about it will I and because you don't want that, you wouldn't do it to him would you?"
"But how is taking away his tablet going to hurt him?"
"Natalia, you would be taking away his privilege to speak, that is child abuse. You wouldn't make a normal child not be allowed to speak would you? Would you make Landon not be allowed to speak the whole weekend or this baby here?" he patted my belly. "They wouldn't be allowed to express themselves or tell you their needs and would you want to do that to them?"
"No," I said.
"See, that's why."
Goodness I had never thought of it. I just saw it as a toy he had just like how I have my 3DS but it was actually his voice so taking it would basically be not allowing him to speak and express himself and children not being allowed to speak ever is something abusers do and they make their kid too afraid to even say anything so they never speak or else it would make their abusers mad and might hurt them.
"But what if I just took it away for little bit and then give it back," I said.
"No," said Daddy.
"But how is that any different when a normal kid is being disrespectful or the parent gets so mad at them, they don't want to hear them talking so they don't let them talk until they're over it?" I asked.
"No," said Dad.
"So you think it's wrong if a parent doesn't let their kid talk for a little bit?" I asked.
"It really depends on the context but I don't want you doing it because I know if you do, you will go overboard," said Daddy.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because you always think something is okay all the time and you don't know when to stop so it's better if you don't do it at all because you wouldn't know when it would be appropriate and when it's not and you don't want to end up doing child abuse. If you're in the car and you are concentrating on the road and there is lot of traffic, it's okay to have everyone be quiet and not allow them to talk or make a sound."
"So would it be okay to take away his tablet then?" I asked.
"You have no way of reading it then so what would be the point?" Daddy asked.
"He would be talking and I wouldn't see what he is saying," I said.
"Right," said Daddy.
"But unless he kept putting it in my face or bugging me with it, then I could take it."
"That sounds fair but then you give it back when you are done with the silence. If you are working and you can't talk right now, it's okay to tell your child you can't talk right now and if you need to rest and you can't talk right now, it's okay to tell them to not talk to you but then you tell them why you can't speak to them."
"So I do know where it's drawn," I said.
"In those circumstances, it's okay," said Daddy.
"So I can take away his tablet but only in those situations."
"Right but only if he keeps trying to get you to read what he is saying and you tell him first you will take it from him if he doesn't stop and then you give it back to him when he is ready to leave you alone."
"So it's not abuse to take it from him," I said.
"It's depends on the context," said Daddy. "But how you were going to do would have been cruel so this is why I told you all this so you would know the difference."
I felt better about having a baby again. Maybe things would be okay I hope.
Alex didn't seem the same because I was having more problems with him. He was more defiant and disobedient so Daddy had to help me since I was getting too frustrated. He even put him to bed for me and he took over while I relaxed on the computer. I knew this was over a new baby. I think he was doing this to punish me for getting myself knocked up and not having the abortion. I saw a new message from Mum. She wrote saying "Sorry, everyone tells everyone they are going to have a new grand baby so I was just doing what I was supposed to do."
Mum and her dumb obsession with good social skills. I wrote back "How difficult was it to tell everyone?"
I saw she was online so I figured she would respond back.
I heard a notification sound and Mum had answered. She wrote "Exhausting but it was worth it for the social skills."
"It must have been tiring to tell everyone eh?" I asked.
"Why couldn't you just put it on Facebook for everyone to read?"
"Not everyone uses facebook."
"Why must you have good social skills, what happened to your old self?"
"I want a better life for Mary Jane so I won't ruin her childhood too like I did with all you four kids."
"You didn't ruin mine."
"Did you even read stories by people who were raised by ASD parents, it's nothing but about neglect and abuse. No wonder you sister hates me and no wonder your brother was pissed at me for a while and since parents have to make adjustments for their special needs kids, I have to make adjustments for my own except she isn't special needs but I have to treat it like she is."
"Sorry mom but to be honest, you're a social skills disaster. Have you ever thought that might still ruin Mary Jane's childhood because you over do it? You ruined my time here when you came and visited with your new social skills so I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like as a kid if you tried having good ones then."
I didn't hear anything else from her so I wonder if she was mad at me. I still saw she was on but she hadn't written anything else. I didn't confront her because I was afraid I had made her mad or maybe I had made her realize how trying to have good social skills wouldn't do her any good so she was better off being her old self.
The next day Mrs. Bruen asked me if anything had happened lately because Alex hadn't been having good says lately all this week. I told her I told him he was going to be a brother and he didn't take the news well.
"Oh congratulations," said Mrs. Bruen. "That now makes sense why he has been non compliant and having problems with behavior. He must be so overwhelmed because he knows how much change there will be. Having a new baby can be so hard for any child but when they have autism, it's even tougher for them to deal with. How far along are you?"
"Fourteen weeks tomorrow," I said.
"When is your baby due?"
"Can I see?"
I opened my coat so she could see my tummy.
"I can see you already have a bump."
I looked down at my tummy and I couldn't tell. I closed my coat again.
"So Alex hasn't been listening and following our rules, he has had more troubles with transitions and he has been a little more aggressive...." Mrs. Bruen told me all the wrong things about him.
"I am thinking we should help him somehow with the new baby," said Mrs. Bruen. "We can use social stories and show him videos about becoming a brother and read books to him about it and read to him about baby development and show him so he will be prepared."
"Um that isn't why he is upset about it," I said.
"Oh, why is that?"
"I told him a couple days ago and he didn't take it well because he doesn't think I will be able to handle him and the new baby."
"Oh is he afraid that you will neglect him because you will be too busy with the new baby?"
This topic was getting uncomfortable for me. I didn't want to tell her about my problems and making myself look slow and that I can't even take care of myself and that I need a carer.
"Yes, he doesn't think I would be able to do both but all they do is sleep and cry and eat and what else do you do with them except hold them and change them and feed them and bath them?" I said.
"Well you'd be surprised, it has been so long since you've had one and you never know if the baby will be colic. Then pretty soon they start walking and they get into everything and you really have to watch them. Then don't forget the terrible twos."
"There should be such thing as the terrible teens because they also go through again what toddlers go through, they both want independence and don't like hearing the word no and while toddlers throw tantrums, teens argue," I said.
"I agree," said Mrs. Bruen. "But they do throw tantrums also; they shout at their parents when they don't agree and slam doors and punch holes in the wall sometime."
I looked at Alex and he was playing with the same toy again.
"We will get started with learning about the baby," said Mrs. Bruen.
"Okay," I said.
Even Mrs. Bruen was happy I was having a baby so maybe things would be okay or else everyone would be telling me how I shouldn't be having one. I would prove Alex wrong then.
Alex and I just fought like children. I couldn't handle him so I would scream at him and push him and he annoyed me so I reacted to it like a child. I knew it wasn't his responsibility to accommodate me. I didn't know what to do. I was worried I was going to be one of those parents who snap and start beating their child or hurting them. I knew I was coming off as a bad parent to Gailand. She was witnessing all the screaming and the fighting and me reacting to him annoying me but she hadn't butted in. She had also known about the baby because Alexis had told her so she asked me about it and then she congratulated me. Even she thought I could do it despite what she had been seeing. Instead she told me how hard it is to parent and be pregnant so she can understand why I am tired and crabby. But I knew my pregnancy had nothing to do with it because I always get frustrated with Alex. People will just blame things on other things like on pregnancy.
I just had to talk to Daddy about all this because I was worried so I called him during break at work. I just hid in the closet where we keep the janitor cart and mop and broom. I forget what they call janitors here so I was just calling it a janitor because that is what we call them back in the states. I think it was caretaker but I wasn't sure. My brain keeps associating it with taking care of an elderly or someone who is handicapped.
Dad answered his phone.
"Hey Daddy," I said.
"Hi Hun, are you on break?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"How are you?"
I ignored the question and got straight to what I called him for. "I'm worried."
"What are you worried about?"
"I worry I am going to do child abuse on Alex because I have been too over whelmed with him and what if I can't handle him and the new baby?"
"It's good you have that fear because it means you will never hurt him."
"I'm serious, I really am worried I don't know what to do, what if I snap? I know how crazy I get when I get too pushed over the edge, I get violent and Alex is doing that so I feel I am getting closer and closer to it and it's not like he can stop so I won't go crazy."
I got a fear in my head that he was doing all this to stress me out so much I miscarry.
"I wonder if he is doing all this intentionally so I will miscarry if he stresses me out enough," I said.
"I doubt it," said Daddy.
"He wasn't happy about it so I think it might be to get me to miscarry because he doesn't think we should have one, he told me."
"I don't think he is doing that, he's just a child and I don't think he would be that capable."
"But there have been kids out there who have done evil things like kill, look at Beth Thomas. You can find stories about her online and see that video on youtube," I pointed out.
"That is very rare, I don't think your son is evil so I don't think he would do something like this so you can relax about it, your son isn't going evil just trust me. You are thinking of psychopath and your son isn't one," Daddy reassured.
"Daddy, I had started to threaten him and talk to him in a voice to scare him so I could break him and I am start to snap at him, that's how far I have been pushed and I think it will get worse."
"Okay, I will try and figure this all out and see what we can do," he said.
I felt better. I was happy he had finally listened when I told him I was starting to go crazy. The worst thought I had in my head was getting pushed so far I end up like one of those parents who kills their disabled child. If I did that, I would kill myself and no wonder why moms do it. They would have to go to prison and be faced with other inmates and be known as a child killer and I couldn't imagine such treatment.
I kept him on the line for the rest of my break because I couldn't get this out of my head. Then I had to go and Daddy promised he would stay up for me or try to.
I still felt scared because I couldn't stop thinking of the what ifs. I didn't want to become Kelli Stapleton and have my son turn into Issy where he starts beating me on a daily basis and start going after Alexis or Haley and pushing me down the stairs or try and run our car off the road because I made him very sad. I did vow to myself that if my son ever gets too violent with me, he is gone and what if NHS doesn't take him away and put him somewhere because they think it's all my fault or think this isn't a big deal and they don't believe what he is doing? What if they don't have someone with us 24/7 to protect us from him when he gets violent?
I decided I would still call social services if it gets too bad but I worried if I had threatened to harm my own kid just to get my way, it will backfire and they take my baby too when its born because they think I would be a danger to my baby. What if Christina lost her kids due to me because of my threat or she had to be forced out or I had to be forced from my own home and I would be homeless. I wouldn't be able to live with Dad because of Robbie. I decided to try and not worry about the worse scenario and I hoped it would all pass and Alex gets better again. Besides I didn't think anyone would let it get this bad for me and I think I would take photographs and videos if I have to to show the doctors so they would help me and so I would show social workers so they would help me. I wouldn't care if that would be "bullying" or "narcissist." Fuck those idiots online. This wouldn't be about attention as those idiots claim, this would be about proof and awareness that kids can be too unsafe for an adult because they are too violent. But I don't think the world is ready for parental abuse awareness or violent kids awareness because they would just think I am all evil and crazy if I made an awareness page online about it and showing videos and news stories about abusive children and families being afraid of them and I would be seen as a narcissist about showing my bruises by him by Alex or any injuries and damage he leaves to the house and showing his abuse because they would think I was causing all of it just because I got pregnant and refused to abort but I knew they would think the videos were causing all of it and my reaction to his abuse. When are you a parent, everything becomes your fault so victim blaming happens. But I thought if more people would be aware of it, there would be more support and more help for these kids. But too many parents are just too afraid to speak up and talk about it. I really hoped Daddy would still up when I get home. I had serious stuff to talk about.
I came home from work and I took my coat off and hung it up in the cupboard. All the lights were off except for the lamp in the living room. I walked in and I heard "Hey Princess," Daddy said quietly.
"Daddy," I said.
I walked over to him and he grabbed me and pulled me on the sofa. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.
"I'm still worried," I said.
"Everything will be fine," he reassured.
"I got this image in my head about Alex getting abusive so he starts beating me and pushes me down the stairs and grabs the steering wheel in your car to try and run me off the road and going after Haley or Alexis to abuse," I said.
"If that happens, then we'll deal with it then and I won't let him hurt you okay."
"But you are at work so how will you not let it happen when he is here?"
"If he gets that bad, he won't live here anymore, we will send him to a school that have kids live there 24/7 and I am sure they have special ones for him, does that make you feel better? Now you have less to worry about," said Daddy.
"I hope the insurance will pay for it," I said.
"If he is that bad, sure."
"If they will believe us."
"There are cameras and photographs to take."
"Then we will be seen as narcissistic bullies?"
"People on the internet."
"How will they know unless you tell them?"
"What if doctors and social workers think we were causing it with the videos?" I asked.
"I don't know. But I don't think he will hurt you, not intentionally."
"Yeah but what if he couldn't control his impulse, he can still hurt me, that was why Issy Stapleton was so violent and her mother tried to kill her because she wanted to protect her youngest daughter from being beaten and Issy kept relapsing every time she would get better and her mom didn't think she would ever get better so she tried to kill her and herself because her daughter was so violent and it was to free her from the violence."
"That girl needed to be institutionalized then," said Daddy. "Where did this happen?"
"Oh the USA where their health system sucks. Natalia, you are in the UK, did you forget? You are not in America anymore so we have better support, we have a lot of special schools here, our insurance is great, I think you will get better support here than in the US where all those carers are killing their disabled children."
I felt better. "Good thing I moved here then," I said.
"There, now do you feel better now, are you still scared and worried?"
"No," I said.
"I hope you're right," I said.
"Our health system is so much better than the US you will not believe it," said Daddy. "The people in the states don't get much help because they have limited health insurance and their taxes there are low they don't get much funding to the insurance companies can't do much help or the state."
"And that's why it's so expensive to live here because of our high taxes," I said.
"Right it's so expensive to live here than it is in your home country because we need high taxes to help everyone."
"And to pay the queen and their families so they can live here for free," I said.
Steven made a sound with his mouth.
"What?" I asked.
"So, we still have to pay for them to live and they don't even have to work or pay anything."
"But do you know our royal history?"
"No," I said.
"I guess your dad didn't teach you about our history, I will tell you. A long long time ago the kind and queen ruled the whole country and everyone had to live by their rules. Now they no longer rule the country but they still kept their royalty and we still have to pay for their living."
"Yeah like we do for the welfare," I said.
"Fair enough, you are right, it is like paying for the welfare."
"Remember when I first moved here, we were looking at the palace in Hyde Park and I said that and the woman who worked there gasped and you had to apologize for me and say I didn't mean it because I was trying to understand the whole royal thing. I still don't understand why it's insulting," I said. "I mean we pay to maintain their palaces, to pay for their weddings and parties and receptions, we pay for their electricity. Do either of them have jobs?"
"I will tell you why we have them and why we pay for them," said Daddy. "Let's say you own a piece of land, you let people live on it but just as long as they follow your rules and abide to them, they are welcome to be there. Our baby grows up and gets married and has their own child and that child grows up and gets married and has their own and our family continues living on the land while everyone will be paying taxes to them. Now do you see why it would be insulting to compare them to the welfare?"
"Oh so being on welfare is a bad thing so they see it as an insult even though we also help them," I said.
"Well they're not poor."
"But we pay for them," I said.
"Yes because we live on their land."
"So they own it?" I said.
"Not exactly but they still rule it but not in a way they did back then."
We talked about it and it was all complicated for me to understand but maybe because we didn't have any monarchy in our country so I never got to learn about it and this is all still too foreign for me. "Monarchy is just a form of government," Daddy told me. "Does that help you understand better?"
'Yes," I said. "They are like the president then," I said.
"Right except the president doesn't rule their country."
Then it was all complicated again. I probably would never get it because it was too complicated. I wasn't sure who ruled my home country.
Daddy then got my dinner and he heated it up and fed it to me on his lap.
When he was done, he put the plate in the kitchen and took me upstairs. He got me undressed and he changed my nappy. He rubbed my bottom with a wipe and he rubbed inside of me around my pussy and he rubbed inside my butt hole. Then he put rash cream on me to ensure I wouldn't get a rash. Then he put a fresh nappy on me and he put my pajamas on. He then put me in my cot. "I would lay with you and rub you but I have to get up tomorrow," said Daddy.
He put the rail up and crawled into bed. I climbed out and got my 3DS and plugged it in and my Kindle.
Friday came again and Landon got dropped off here by his mum. Daddy and I were going to break the news to him this weekend. He never said anything about the baby so I assumed he didn't know about it. Alex had been acting different again for the past couple days because he seemed more withdrawn but at school he was still having his bad days while at home he was quiet. I was happy because at least he was easier to deal with. It was as if my worry about him turning into a Issy made him stop being so difficult so he was now only doing it in school. I wondered if he was acting better because of me because he could tell he had been stressed me out so now he was accommodating me. But I noticed he had been ignoring me. He wouldn't communicate with me or even look my direction. I figured he was still mad at me about the baby. Whatever, I wasn't going to give in. At least Daddy agreed to help me more and told me I should tell my doctor at my next visit about Alex because I am pregnant and not taking any anxiety pills, I am having more anxiety now and that isn't good for the baby or for my child and the fact I feel like I am going to snap.
But I no longer felt that way because just as long as he isn't acting up, I was fine. Instead he stayed in his room all the time.
The next day our phone rang and Daddy had answered it and given me the phone.
"Hello?" I said.
"Natalie, I saw on Facebook you are pregnant. Why didn't you tell me?" said my father.
"I did on Facebook," I said. "I put it on my wall."
"Oh you stinker. So is that what the visit was about? I knew something was up because you were so secretive."
"I wanted to be sure I wouldn't miscarry so I waited until thirteen weeks," I said.
"I am so happy I am going to be a grand dad again. I will have two grand kids to watch and it's so great to have your son live close by and now you are going to have another one."
I could tell how excited he was. Even he was happy I was having one.
"And Robbie is going to be an uncle again," I said.
"Yes he gets to be an older uncle this time," said Dad.
"God I hope I can handle all this," I said.
"Why?" Dad asked.
"Because I have Alex and what if it's too much for me to handle?"
"I'm around so I can help you, you have Steven, you have Christina. So when is it due?"
"March 23rd," I said.
"Oh three days after Brian's."
"But Alex isn't happy about this because he doesn't want me to have another baby so he has been acting up," I said. "Now he is ignoring me."
"Oh well he will get used to it, just prepare him for the new baby."
"If he will talk to me," I said.
"Oh I'm sure he will."
"I hope, this has been going on for three days now."
"He gets that from your mother, what did you do that made him so mad?"
"Getting pregnant and refusing to have an abortion and he thinks I won't be able to handle him and the new baby," I said.
"Oh you will."
"But Alex gets too much for me," I said.
"Only sometimes, you do good Natalie, I just don't think you give yourself enough credit."
Maybe I have been doing good as a parent more than I thought. If Dad thinks I am doing good, then I probably am. Despite what I had been doing lately when Alex had been acting up, maybe that was just due to the anxiety due to not being on any medication right now and once I have the baby and get done nursing, it will all blow over and everyone was going to be helping me so I didn't even need to worry anymore. Maybe everything will be fine.
Dad then had to get off the phone so I hung up.
I got out Daddy's present I had gotten this week before work. It was very tough but I hoped I had done a good job. I didn't want to be a gift disaster like my mum but Daddy said anything I get him is good. But what if I had gotten him a video game I had wanted or something Hello Kitty or an eshop card? I don't think he means that so I had to get him a guy thing or something that fits him or get him chocolate or candy. If he didn't like it, he could always take it back and get it exchanged which is why I save the receipt and keep it in my bag and I waited until this week to get him something. His birthday was a few days ago but we wanted to celebrate it when Landon is here so we held off on the cake and presents.
I put his presents in the gift bag and I put in the card along with the gift card inside it.
Then I left it in our room to bring down later.
Daddy had picked up his own cake from the store and it was just store bought, not special ordered. We couldn't even be bothered making a cake but we made lunch/dinner instead.
We ate and then we had cake and it was time for Daddy to open his presents. Landon had brought over a present. Daddy opened it and it was some box. Daddy opened that too and took out something. I could tell it had something inside it. He took something out of the pouch. He opened it and it was a weird looking knife.
"That is so weird looking," I said.
"It's an old fashioned razor," said Daddy. "This is how people shaved back in the days."
I also saw the tiny bottle that came with it. I also saw it came with a box.
Daddy closed the razor and put it back in the pouch and stuck it back in the box it came in. I saw it had also came with a strap.
"This is from us," said Christina.
She gave him a present and Daddy looked inside the gift bag and took it out. It was a coffee mug with some coffee mix inside and he also had a gift card to Costa Coffee.
Then I went upstairs and got mine and brought it back down. "This is from me," I said.
"Is it from Alex too?"
"No I only got it," I said.
"It should be from him too so it's from both of you," said Daddy.
He opened it and took out a T shirt. He unfolded it and he liked it. It was just a blue t shirt and then he opened the card and took it out. The Starbucks gift card fell out. He picked it up.
"Oh, another coffee gift card. Thanks honey."
He opened the card and read it. Then he put it down. I was the only one who had given him a card.
"I hope my gift was good enough," I said.
"I like all yours," said Daddy.
"Have you shared the wonderful news with him yet?" Christina asked us.
"Oh yeah, that's right," said Daddy. "Natalia, are you ready"
"Yes," I said.
"Landon, Natalia and I have something to share with you," said Daddy.
He put his arms around me.
"What?" Landon asked.
"How would you feel if your family grew larger?" said Daddy rubbing my arms.
"What if you had another brother or sister?" Daddy asked.
"No way," he said with his eyes widening.
Daddy nodded, "Yes."
"Get out," said Landon.
"She is fourteen weeks pregnant."
"Shut up," said Landon playfully. "Why didn't you tell me this?"
"She wanted to wait."
"I wanted to be sure I wouldn't lose the baby," I said.
"Oh Dad, I bet Natalie wouldn't have any problems taking care of this baby. They both wear nappies and she won't have any problems changing them and she will have all the baby stuff she has and her bed would be safe too for her to sleep with."
"We are very happy we are having a baby of our own," said Daddy. "Now we will both have one of our own together instead of one that isn't ours."
"But where will the baby sleep when it gets bigger?" Landon asked.
"We will figure it out and Christina might move out soon but we'll figure it out when we cross that bridge."
"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" Landon asked.
"Either one is fine," said Daddy while I answered, "Girl."
"Why do you want a girl?" Landon asked me.
"Because all women want a girl," said Daddy.
"I think their clothes are cuter and their toys are better," I said.
"What's wrong with boy clothes and boy toys?" Landon asked.
"I think girls look better," I said.
"There are cute baby clothes out there for boys," said Daddy. "I think boy toys are just as good."
"I'm finally going to be a brother now for real," said Landon.
"Unless I miscarry," I said.
"It won't happen," said Daddy.
"You never know, women have had stillborns and some have still lost their baby at sixteen weeks."
"This is so cool," said Landon to Daddy. "I'm happy for you. Now it will be like Natalie is part of the family for real."
"And Alex will have a half brother or sister," I added.
Alex who was at the table just tossed his fork across the room and got out of his chair. The fork landed in the kitchen. He walked out of the room.
"Why is he upset?" Landon asked.
"He doesn't want another baby because he thinks I won't be able to handle them both," I said.
"He's been having a hard time lately because of the news," said Christina.
"At least he is ignoring me now," I said. "Better than him getting me all stressed out with his behavior and I hope he never goes violent on me."
"What?" Christina asked.
"She has been real worried about him getting aggressive," Daddy explained.
"No, he wouldn't do that," said Christina. "Why would he?"
"Because some of them do get violent in their teens because of hormones," I said.
"She has been real worried about that," said Daddy.
"Where is this all coming from? Natalie, have you getting into those sites again, I think you better stay off them," Christina told me. "They are getting you too worked up and now you're having all this anxiety and now it's affecting your son because you are treating him like he is going to start beating you soon. No wonder he is ignoring you, he is probably hurt."
"Good, then maybe he will stop acting up and be his better self again," I said.
"Ooooo," she said.
"Natalia, maybe you should start seeing a counselor again so you can have help through this," said Daddy.
"The problem is she isn't taking her medicine is she," said Christina.
"Right which is why she needs more support because this isn't fair to Alex and it wouldn't be fair to tell her to get over it."
"Yes you both need some extra support," Christina said to me.
"I have it figured out," said Daddy.
"Good," she said.
"And that story online I read about that fourteen year old autistic girl beating her mother and stuff and going after her little sister and attacking other people so her mother attempts to kill her and herself to end the abuse," I said.
"Stop reading about it," said Christina.
"I did because it was pissing me off too much," I said. "She still lives on and is allowed to go after her little sister while the mom is in prison and no one cares if she was abused by her daughter or not, they refuse to believe it because they don't think kids can be that bad despite all the photos she had posted online of her daughter's abuse and the videos of her attacking. I honestly wish she did die and I was hoping her brain damage wouldn't make her violent anymore. But I hear she can't move as quickly so at least her little sister has more time to get away."
"Okay, can we change the topic now, I know you are worried and I know that story got to you too much," said Daddy. "But let's move on from this topic and we can talk about it later when we are both alone."
I didn't say anything else about it.
I still felt haunted by that story I heard online and watching it on youtube on the Dr. Phil Show. It always angers me that kids are allowed to hurt their parents and siblings and there is no law in the states to protect them from them. I wonder if the UK has a better law about it. I wonder if families are more protected from it? I would sure hope so.
I took deep breaths.
When I got on my computer again, I checked out the websites again and I was on Fetlife when I saw I had a message from Chris.
"Hi Natalie I wanted to apologize for what happened last time. I think it was my fault because I didn't really tell you guys what I wanted so how were you both supposed to know what would make me uncomfortable. Honestly I didn't know what I wanted because I had never done it so I should have just watched. I feel bad for acting like a prat there and I hope you guys can forgive me. I hope you have a good weekend."
That was all she had written and I felt better. Maybe she wasn't mad at us and she still wanted to talk. Maybe I will still get a chance someday to change her nappies and be her play date again.