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Post by Bad Beth on Nov 29, 2013 19:42:49 GMT
Chapter 26
Allie and I ate our popcorn and had our drinks and I ate my candy while watching the movie. Stu had to fly all the way to Paris just to fix the Reptar machine he designed and he took his whole family and friends with. I also heard that “Who Let the Dogs Out” again in the movie when Spike took off from his hotel room and chased after Fifi he fell in love with. Why is it that in movies it seems like a father is about to marry the wrong woman and she is mean and the kids always have to stop the wedding? I don’t know how many times I have seen that theme. That was what the movie was about but it was a Rugrats theme this time and they were in Paris. I had seen another movie that took place in Paris and a nanny came to be a nanny to these kids but they are monsters and they set traps for her and the dad makes them take them down and not do anymore to her and the kids fall in love with her eventually but the dad dates the wrong woman and he is about to marry her and the kids have to stop the wedding. I have also seen that nanny theme too in movies. A father hires a nanny and she comes to take care of his kids but they are monsters and they eventually start liking her. Is it just me or do movies use the same theme?
After the movie ended, I didn’t even need dinner because I just had dinner. Popcorn and candy. Allie and I left the auditorium and left the theater. I wondered what time it was. “Gee I better eat something,” said Allie. “You just had dinner,” I said. “No I didn’t.” “Yes you did, in the theater.” “So. That wasn’t dinner.” “But you just ate so you don’t need dinner right now,” I said. “Oh I get it, if you’re hungry, go see a movie and eat there. Guess what? It’s not a restaurant.” I couldn’t understand why Allie had to eat. She was a silly blonde after she had just eaten. Was she still hungry?” “Are you hungry?” I asked. “Duh.” Now she was being a bitch. I followed Allie around and she found a place to get food. We waited in line and she ordered some noodles and they made her a plate and handed it to her. Allie also got another drink and she paid them and they gave her back change. Allie found a place to sit and I was bored. I wished I brought my Game Boy or a book to read. I was still mad at her for stealing from me and for using me and the fact she lied about it made me feel angrier. Also how could I have been so stupid when it was so obvious before? Her wondering where I kept them, catching her in the health room and then not having on a band aid, her telling me that is where I keep them now when I told her I kept them with me now in my locker because someone was stealing them and of course one of the diapers was found under someone’s bed at her home and it looked like mine and her being so curious about my diapers and my incontinence. Why did she take some from me to wear herself if she was mean to me about it before? Plus she used to wet the bed until she was eight so she wore them to bed. Why is she interested in diaper wannabes? I wonder if she looked it up after she met me and decided to be a diaper wannabe. I watched people ice skating down below us. The whole entire food court circled around the ice skating rink on the second level and they had a huge row of stairs that went down to the rink where people could watch them ice skate and there was an eating area between the two levels. That is where blondes try and go ice fishing, the ice skating rink. There was also three pillars that were shaped like tree stumps on the other side of the food court that faced the ice skating rink in front of the stairs. Then the intercom went on and I heard a guy’s voice and I didn’t know what he said. But I noticed no one was on the ice. Then I saw the ice machine come out and ride around the ice making it all nice and smooth again. After it was done, it went back to the garage where they kept it and everyone got back on the ice again and started skating. “This is where Tonya Harding used to practice her ice skating,” said Allie. I didn’t even know who she was. “You know who Tonya is?” “No,” I said in a grumpy tone. “She was a US champion figure skater and she hired someone to break her opponent’s knee so she could win and she got caught and got disqualified. I remember hearing that story in second grade.” That story made me think of Mike Tyson biting off his opponent’s ear because he was losing. After Allie finished her food, she threw her plate away and she didn’t even eat it all. I couldn’t believe she wasted it and I never understood how people don’t finish their food and just toss it out. My mother would always make us save our food as leftovers if we didn’t finish it and we always doggy baged our food whenever we ate out and only time we ever wasted it was when we ate at buffets. I could remember Dad finishing our food for us or Mom whenever we didn’t finish our food or them asking me if I want to finish Kelly’s food for her or Matthew’s. Allie asked someone for the time again and it was eight o five. “We have to meet your dad around here,” I said. “Step dad,” she said. I didn’t know what spot we were supposed to meet him at so I followed Allie. We walked around the food court and then we walked down the big row of steps. Allie looked at all the people on the ice. I could remember ice skating a few times and the first time I remember doing it was when I was six and I got my pants all wet from falling down and Mom and Dad had brought an extra pair for Kelly and me. I could remember Mom saying she didn’t ice skate because she was pregnant with Matthew so she sat out and watched and read or drew. Allie kept staring at the ice skaters. “Where do we find Jim?” I asked. “I don’t know,” said Allie. “We are supposed to meet him around eight and it’s passed eight so it’s not around it anymore and we are just standing here,” I said. “Maybe he will meet us here, he never said what spot.” I paced around while we waited. I was in a small area and it was a dead end and I saw skaters go by. “Gee maybe we should go ice skating until Jim gets here,” said Allie when she found me. “I don’ think I have enough,” I said. “It can’t be that much to rent a pair of ice skates,” said Allie. I didn’t even want to go ice skating. I didn’t think we had time and no way was I going to start and then have to get off the ice five minutes later. “I don’t want to ice skate,” I said. “Then you don’t have to, I will go and you can just wait,” said Allie. I was feeling so frustrated and anxious. I never knew being with her would be so annoying and she would make me feel this way. She could never calm down and relax and she always came up with ideas and wanted to do them now without even thinking about it first. We went back to the second level and took the elevator down and went inside where people go to ice skate. They had a carpeted floor and I saw some arcade games and lockers and restrooms and a place to rent ice skates. We looked at the prices and Allie didn’t like how we had to pay to ice skate and ice skating rentals were not included. “We have to pay to skate here instead of renting the skates only?” said Allie. “That is so retarded.” “It’s how we make money,” said the lady behind the counter as she returned a pair of ice skates someone turned in. Allie looked at her money. “Hey I just have enough. Let’s ice skate.” I didn’t feel easy about all of this. What if Jim came and he couldn’t find us? I saw Allie giving the lady her money. I just walked towards the door again and walked out. I took out my money and counted it and saw I did have enough. I just waited for Jim but he never came. I started to feel anxious and tried to not cry. Where was he? He was supposed to be here around eight. What if he couldn’t find us so he was looking for us? I heard music playing over the ice skating rink. Then the next song came on, a song I had heard a lot this year. “Who let the dogs out woof woof woof woof, who let the dogs out.” I heard the whole song while trying to wait for Jim without freaking out and being scared. Then the song ended and the next song was a Christmas song. After that ended, a none Christmas song came on. I paced around madly and tapped my fingers along the glass windows of the ice skating rink. I saw Allie ice skating. She was having a little trouble with it. Then I saw her fall flat on her stomach. She got up and went back to ice skating as if nothing happened. I kept looking for Jim and I started to cry. This was all embarrassing and luckily no one bothered me about it. It was as if they didn’t care or didn’t notice. How would I tell them I am waiting for Jim if they don’t know what he looks like? They wouldn’t be able to tell me if they saw him or not. I just sobbed and then I felt some pressure down there and the back of my diaper got filled with poo. It felt like a pop. More came out and it was a big one. I needed to find a restroom fast before any leaked out. It was nice and soft and soft poo means it could leak out of my diaper. I went back inside and went into the restrooms. I went into the stall and it was a narrow one. I hung up my backpack and my coat over the stall door. Took off my shoes and pants and shirt and socks and pushed them by the toilet which I hate doing. I am always worried there is water there and I don’t want to put them on the toilet where you flush because then they might fall inside the toilet. I opened my back pack and I looked down at my diaper. I took it off and it was a mess on the inside. All yellow and soft with lumps and it had pee in it too I did during the movie. I used the front of it to wipe the mess off my butt and then set it on the toilet. I grabbed a couple wipes and cleaned myself up down there and it was a mess. I used a lot of wipes cleaning it all up and setting them on the floor. I am not sure how long it took me. I was sitting on the toilet doing it so I wouldn’t pee on the floor. I did leak some urine while I wiped. I had used a ton of wipes and I made a pile of it. Assuming I got it all off my bottom, I stood up and grabbed a clean diaper from my bag and put it on. I also remembered to take my odor pill. Then I got dressed and put my socks and shoes on and flushed the toilet. I put all the dirty wipes in the diaper and rolled it up. I put my coat on and my backpack and I wondered how I was going to throw my diaper away with all those people out there. I felt too nervous to come out so I just hid the diaper under the toilet and left the stall. I washed my hands and I rushed out of there. I felt guilty for keeping my diaper in the stall but it was so embarrassing to walk out with it in my hand and have other people see it. I worried people knew the diaper was mine and would tell others I left it there and point to me. I just left the area again and wandered around the mall. I saw they already had Santa Clause set up for kids to see but he wasn’t here yet. I also saw the fake tall trees. I wandered into B Dalton and looked at the books there. I felt all sweaty and hot as if it was hot in here. I hated the feeling. I took off my coat and backpack and left it on the floor where the kid books were. I could hear my diaper making a little bit of a sound as I walked. I calmed down as I started reading. I knew I couldn’t be here forever because the mall will eventually close and Jim will find us. Memo to myself, never go to a mall alone again with Allie. I finished reading and I looked at other books. Then I heard people nearby also looking at books and they were giggling. I ignored them not caring what they were saying. “That girl’s wearing a diaper,” I thought I heard the man say. There was more chatter and giggling and then they walked away. I kept looking and I stood up. I picked out another book and sat down. When I reached behind me to scratch my back, I realized my diaper was showing and my pants didn’t cover it all and my shirt lifted up. Embarrassed, I tucked my diaper down and fixed my pants and pulled my shirt down. Then it wasn’t showing anymore and I kept feeling for it making sure it wasn’t sticking out. I always hate it when they stick out, at home I don’t care. But Mom always tells me I am showing and always fixes it for me and it’s always embarrassing. It would be even more embarrassing if I they were sticking out and everyone saw them because no one ever told me. I wonder why those people didn’t tell me when they saw them or did they not notice and my mind imagined the guy saying it? I spent the rest of my time reading and then I heard, “Are you Natalie Evans?” I looked up and it was the store employee. “How did you know my name?” I asked. “Mall security is looking for you and I got a call about it. We’re also closing in a half hour. I will let them know you’re here so don’t go anywhere.” She left. I stayed put and kept reading. Soon I heard my name again and it was Jim and the kids. I stood up and put the book away. “Geez, we were looking all over for you and you took off,” said Allie. “You were ice skating and I didn’t know where to find Jim,” I said. “I said I would meet you at the ice skating rink,” said Jim. “I never saw you and I looked for you so I left,” I said. “I know I was late, I lost track of time and I’m sorry. We didn’t know where you were and you had me worried.” “Why didn’t you look in every store?” I asked. “We did and we didn’t see you in here.” “You never walked back here,” I pointed out. “You must have been sitting and we didn’t see you,” said Jim. “It’s time to go, the mall is about to close soon and I bet your parents are worried.” I picked up my stuff and we left. Jim thanked the store employee. We left through Meier and Frank and headed outside to the parking lot. We got in the van and headed back to Washington. I saw it was past nine PM and it was nine thirty seven. “I hope Glen and Anita don’t kill me,” said Jim. “I said about nine and it’s way past that.” We were crossing the bridge when I realized I forgot my Nintendo 64 controller. “I forgot my Nintendo 64 controller,” I said. “I’ll bring it to you on Monday,” said Allie. I was still mad at her for stealing from me. I checked my diapers again and I still had four left. Whew, Allie had not taken anymore. I pooped in my diaper again and I felt the poo spread all over. I hate having days where I mess more than once but good thing I was on my way home. When we got back to Saltwater, Jim told me I had to show him the way to my house because he does not remember how to get there. I showed him the way and it was out of town a little bit. I showed him my neighborhood and my home. He parked in front and I saw the front door opened and Mom came out. I got my stuff and got out of the car. I wondered if Mom was going to kill Jim. Mom was marching over to the car. I ran inside before anything started. “Did Mum go out?” Dad asked me. “Yes,” I said. Dad grabbed his shoes and rushed outside. I went upstairs to my bedroom. “Where did Mom and Dad go?” Matthew asked. “Outside to kill Kate’s father,” I said. Matthew’s eyes widened. He rushed into Kelly’s bedroom but the door was locked. Matthew ran downstairs. I didn’t bother to tell him what I meant because I knew he would figure it out when he sees they aren’t really killing him. But I thought his reaction was funny. I could imagine Mom and Dad yelling at Jim because I was late. I wonder if he was going to lie about the traffic being bad and he got stuck behind cars. I went in my bedroom closet and saw I had my brand new diapers in there. They were washed because they smelled like our laundry. I took a pair and plastic pants and went in the bathroom for my late shower. Matthew came back upstairs. “You liar, Mom and Dad aren’t killing Jim,” he yelled. “How many times does everyone have to keep telling you, killing someone does not mean killing someone,” I said. “You’re acting like a dumb blonde.” “How hard is it to say what you mean?” Matthew yelled. “How hard is it to remember that killing someone does not mean killing someone?” I asked back. I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. I took off my clothes and diaper. The mess was all over my butt and some got on my crotch too around my privates. I turned the water on and waited for it to warm up and got in. I washed my bottom first before shaving and washing my hair. Then I got out and I dried off and put my cloth diaper on and plastic pants. I brushed my teeth and then I picked up my messy diaper and rolled it up and wrapped a towel around myself and took it out to the garage. Mom and Dad were already in the house. I wonder if they did kill Jim. “Well that’s the last time you’re going anywhere with someone else,” said Dad. “It wasn’t my fault I was late, he was just late picking us up,” I said. “I know, that’s why you’re not going anywhere with them again if the father can’t be responsible. He never even called us either and then he was surprised you took off? If he would have been more responsible, none of this wouldn’t have happened.” “So you really did kill Jim,” I said. “No, we were just upset.” “Yeah but I am not allowed to go out with them ever again,” I said. “That sounds like you killed him. I wouldn’t want to go with Allie again anyway.” “Why? What happened?” “It wasn’t fun going to the mall with her, she was impatient when I looked, she is so dramatic and the way she says she has to pee is so overboard, she goes ‘I have to peeeeee’ like she is some little kid and she just left me when she decided to go ice skating and I didn’t know where to meet Jim and I couldn’t find him so I got scared and took off and I made us even more late.” “Now you know how it feels for everyone else when you get impatient,” said Dad. “What do you mean?” “Every time you get done looking, you get anxious and impatient and throw a fit if people are taking too long and you always wander off, as a child you would act up and get disruptive because you knew it would get us out of the store and that stopped when we started to give you consequences and then it went onto you getting all impatient and whining and asking every two minutes if we’re leaving yet and sighing and grunting and now you take off and your mother lets you act that way.” “Why?” “I don’t know. She lets you and Matthew gets away with things.” Dad was being silly, if she let me get away with stuff, I would be allowed to be mean to Chris and Matthew and to other kids and be allowed to hurt Kelly and Matthew when they were little instead of being locked in my room and she wouldn’t be dragging Matthew all over the house. “Mom doesn’t let me get away with stuff or she will let me be mean to Matthew and his friend and wouldn’t have locked me in my room when I was little,” I said. “You think that because you don’t get your way,” said Dad. “But she doesn’t let me get away with stuff or I would be doing anything.” Dad sighed. “I am not going to argue with you about this so say what you want.” I went downstairs and took my pills and played the Nintendo 64 in the den. I played GolenEye again. The cloth diaper felt nice and comfortable and thick. It felt like I was wearing clothing wrapped around my bottom and the thought of peeing in them was making me feel excited inside and the thought of slushing in them. I thought I was going to hate wearing them but it wasn’t so bad. I wonder if Veronica would ever get used to them too and try cloth. I wonder if she will ever like peeing in them or pooping. But I am still too embarrassed to tell anyone I enjoy feeling my diaper getting wet and having them messy. Only time I don’t like it is if it happens at the wrong time. I kept playing and I slushed my diaper again. This time I didn’t change. When I got too tired to keep playing, I turned the game and TV off and checked myself and I was also wet. When did I do that? I went upstairs to my room and went to bed in my wet and messy diaper.
I had a weird dream that night. I dreamt there was some surgery invented to fix incontinence so that was my last shot at getting it cured. So my parents took me to get me the surgery and it was a success and I had full control again. I was back to wearing panties and no diapers and I was using the toilet like everyone else. It was so nice not having any messy accidents in public and having to clean them up and it was so nice to wear tighter clothes and shorter shirts and not worry about my underwear showing. I couldn’t stand loose pants around my bottom so I wore smaller sizes. But I had a problem. I missed the feeling of a wet diaper and slushing in them and my parents wouldn’t even let me wear them anymore so they gave them away to Veronica. Now I was a diaper wannabe and I regretted getting my incontinence fixed. So I would wrap towels around my bottom and put on the plastic pants and pee in them or poo and Mom and Dad would yell at me about it whenever they caught me and even rinsing them out, Mom still knew what I did because of her sense of smell. I also started stealing her diapers and would wear them and she had to hide them and lock them away so I couldn’t get any and she locked away my cloth diapers too I used to wear. Then when she stopped having day time accidents, she didn’t wear them anymore either and she also stopped wetting the bed for now so she didn’t need to wear them at night either. I don’t even know if she gave the cloth diapers to Veronica too and her diapers but I noticed the plastic pants were gone too. I really missed wearing them so I was always sad about it and depressed and my life felt boring now. I would get jealous if anyone had a big bottom because I always assumed they had on a diaper, same as if I saw them tug on their shirts or coats. I even tried having accidents again pretending they were accidents but I hated wetting my pants and slushing them. So I started to steal them when I had the chance like from school or from the store, nursing home, and I hoped the surgery would eventually fail and I start having accidents again and then Mom and Dad would have to give me back my diapers. Sadly the surgery never failed and I stayed fixed and Mom and Dad would get mad at me for stealing diapers and they started to make me stay with them and not let me wander off. I couldn’t be trusted. I even felt suicidal over not wearing diapers and said I wanted to kill myself. That got me sent to the hospital and I stole diapers there too. But Mom and Dad still wouldn’t let me wear them no matter how it was making me feel and how much I kept stealing them. I thought I would rather be incontinent and hate it than not ever getting to wear them. Then I woke up and saw it was all a dream and I still had my diapers. I didn’t know why I had that dream. I would get my incontinence fixed if I could and not ever wear diapers again. I wouldn’t miss them. Why did I miss them in my dream? That’s why it was a weird dream. What was so funny about that dream was my parents would kill me if I wasn’t wearing a diaper but yet when I got my incontinence fixed, they always killed me for wearing a diaper now.
My diaper was wetter and it was soaked. I felt too tired to even change so I still laid here. I could smell the poop under my covers. I do wonder if any surgery will ever come out to fix it. Then I wouldn’t have to be in them for the rest of my life.
I got out of bed in the morning. I was in a different diaper because I had finally changed and it was a pain to do it because I was tired and I had to wash my bottom and take the diaper and plastic pants downstairs and dump it in the sink and I decided I would wash the tub out in the morning. But in the morning I forgot because Kelly tattled on me for not cleaning out the tub and Dad asked me, “Natalie, didn’t I tell you to clean the tub out when you get through rinsing yourself off?” “I forgot, I was tired and I was going to do it when I get up and I forgot about it,” I said. “Do it now,” said Dad. I went upstairs and I cleaned out the tub having to touch my own poop again. This was all disgusting. I kept thinking “Ew ew ew.” After I was done, I changed into a clean diaper and put my wet one in the laundry sink. I saw I didn’t have as many plastic pants as how many diapers I have. I told Dad I didn’t have enough plastic pants but he told me I don’t need to change them every time I change, I can just use the same pair.
I was playing video games when Matthew told me it was my day to walk Skippy. “Okay,” I said. I kept on playing and I had to be reminded again to walk Skippy. “Okay,” I kept saying. “The game goes off if I have to tell you again,” Mom warned. That made me remember to finish what I was doing so I paused the game and my diaper was wet again. I must be peeing a lot today. I changed my diaper again and stuck it in the laundry sink wearing the same plastic pants. I got my coat on and grabbed the leash and put Skippy on it. I put my shoes on and went outside. It was nippy out. I started to walk Skippy. I kept my hands inside my coat sleeve to keep them warm and I used my hood to keep my ears warm because my hair was too short to cover them. I walked Skippy around the other block and I was passing by Veronica’s house when I saw her sitting outside in her wheelchair all covered up. She had on a hat and her coat. I walked over to her with Skippy. I said to her in a taunting voice. “Hiya Veronica, I hear you’re wearing diapers now just like me.” "If you are going to make fun of me about it, you're doing it wrong," Veronica snapped. "But you have made fun of me for it over the years and dumped me as a friend for it," I said. "And you wear them yourself so making fun of me about it as a way to get back at me will just make you a hypocrite." "So that means you won't make fun of me anymore and not be mean to me anymore because you now have to wear them," I said. "God, are you really that dense? You think this was what is was all about? You having to wear them? That was just something for me to give you a hard time about. I never had anything against you wearing them. Diapers were just another thing for me to tease you about to make you mad." "Why?" I asked. "Because I got so sick of your bullshit. You bossing me around, things always having to be your way, the all or nothing stuff you do, you not seeming to care about me, you were always right and I was always wrong, you were never wrong, you were mean, you liked doing mean stuff, scratching me, biting me, kicking me, hiding my things, and doing stuff as an attempt to upset me. Then whenever I do it back to you, you would go crying to your mommy and she treat you like a special snowflake by taking your side without bothering to ask for my side of the story,” said Veronica. "Yeah I was mean back then wasn't I?" I said. "What? You are now actually admitting you are wrong?" Veronica asked. "Why would I not think I am wrong if I was?" I asked. "Because back then you never wanted to admit to being wrong,” said Veronica. "I don't remember doing that stuff," I said. "I do remember doing stuff just to see how people would react. I don't know why I did those things. It was like other kids were objects and didn't have feelings and I didn't seem to know that then. I can remember getting shocked when I see another kid cry because I would always think "I didn't know he cries" or think "he cries too." "Seriously?" Veronica asked. "Yeah.” "I don't believe it." "So you don't hate people who have to wear diapers?" "No way, that is so stupid." "But that would be like making fun of you for being in a wheelchair just to piss you off.” "So. I can't believe you thought I dumped you over you having to wear diapers." "Well you teased me about it and told me I started wearing diapers so you were through." "Because I wanted to make you mad." "Well I thought for years you hated people with incontinence so I have been telling others that over the years." "That is another thing that pisses me off about you Natalia. You seem so dense, too dense to get people and you seem so clueless about people’s actions." "I know when everyone is eating and chatting and walking around in the halls at school," I said. "That's not what I meant." "Then what did you mean?" "Ugh, see what I mean? You ask things that are so obvious to everyone else. No one is picking on you because you have a medical problem, everyone is picking on you because you don't seem to care and you are off in your own world, you seem so dense so it pisses everyone off. You play the victim." "I do not." "You are rude and act out in class, say mean things, and then you act all clueless about it and seem so unaware. You don't even care what others like and you always talk about your own interests and then you leave when the topic changes. You frequently interrupt people." "Everyone does," I said in defense. "Then you go correcting the teachers showing off,” Veronica added. "I am not correcting them to show off and who likes to make mistakes anyway?" "See you're doing it again, interrupting." "I don't like people to be wrong about me," I said. “You think everyone’s wrong when they don’t share your opinion.” “But you’re wrong about me, there is no opinion,” I said. “It’s either right or wrong. You have blonde hair, see that’s wrong, not an opinion, it’s wrong because you have brown hair.” Veronica sighed and rolled her eyes and groaned. “You’re an idiot just like your mom.” “My mom is not stupid,” I said. “Yes she is, her hair color sure matches it. She acts as dumb as you and my mom says she has mental issues and has been in and out of hospitals and Michael Scott said he saw her do something retarded at Safeway and she was crying about there being more items on the checkout counter and throwing the lady’s food in the cart.” “That lady was breaking a rule, she had more than eight items and she was stupid for not following it,” I said. “That doesn’t mean your mom needed to be a police woman. She should mind her own business.” “That lady was breaking a rule,” I said again. “Dude, it’s just food. Who cares how many they have when they checkout.” “It said eight items or less and she had seventeen items,” I pointed out. “So what.” How could Veronica not care? The lady had seventeen items, not eight. “But it said eight items,” I said. “You’re both so annoying and goody two shoes. I bet you blame the woman for your mom’s retardedness at Safeway.” “I do,” I said. “She caused the scene.” “No, your mom did.” “No, the lady did, if she would have followed the rule and listened to my mother, none of that would have happened.” “You’re so stupid.” “So are you,” I said. “You’re giving me a headache, go away.” “Do you like peeing in your diapers and pooping in them?” I asked. Veronica didn’t answer. “How do you like wearing them? Have you peed in them yet? Remember when I was little, me and you peed in my playhouse like it was some outhouse? It felt so wonderful and good and I brought out a Thriftway sack and we both peed in it pretending it was the potty. My mom hated it and she spanked me for it one day. At least you don’t have to go to the toilet anymore and stop what you are doing because you wear the potty now.” “Go away,” Veronica said again. I kept on talking to annoy her. I came up with stuff in my head to say. “Remember the time you peed down our slide? That was funny,” I said. “Remember the time you locked me in Matthew’s crib when he was a baby and I was too scared to climb out and no one would get me out of the crib?” Veronica turned her wheelchair around and pushed herself up the ramp her family put in over their step so she could get in the front door. She opened the front door and went inside. When the door closed, I took Skippy for his walk again. I walked around the block and mine and then went back home. Skippy peed on our bush before going inside. I saw my cat and Skippy ignored her. He never chases after our cats. We would yell at him and give him a time out if he did. I took him off his leash and hung it up. I took my shoes off and put them aside. I went back in the den and continued my game. I took my coat off and threw it on the floor. Then Mom came back in the den. “Natalie, please rinse the mess out of your diapers when you bring them to the sink,” said Mom. “Also make sure you wash the crap out too. I can’t wash them in the washing machine with all the poop in them.” “Why do I have to do it?” I complained. “It’s your mess.” “I can’t help it.” “You still have to take care of it. I shouldn’t have to do it for you. Also dump your mess in the toilet before bringing it down to the sink. Get most of it off in the toilet before you bring it down.” “But lot of it sticks to the diaper,” I said. “You dip it in the toilet and shake the poop off and the water will get it all off and then you flush it and bring the diaper down but wipe up any drips you leave.” That sounded even more disgusting. I was going to have to touch my own poop and I felt I was being punished for my medical condition. “Why am I being punished for all this?” I complained. “It’s not a punishment, it’s learning responsibility and pretty soon you will be on your own and would you expect your room mates or boyfriend or husband to take care of it for you?” I shrugged. “I shouldn’t have to be doing all the work and you’re old enough now to take care of it and I will wash them and dry them, you only need to rinse them out and get the crap out of them and bring them down to the sink and keep the tub and toilet cleaned. Is that too much to ask?” I didn’t answer. “Maybe I should leave reminders so you won’t forget,” said Mom. Then she left. This was all unfair. I was being forced to wear cloth and then having to touch my own shit. I hated being incontinent. No one else has to deal with this except wiping their bottoms and their asses and flushing the toilet and washing their hands. I have to take my diaper off and wipe myself and wash my butt and bottom, rinse out my diapers and wash the shit out of them, bring them down to the laundry room and wash my hands. Wearing disposables are a lot easier.
I was on the computer again reading adult babies and diaper lover stuff when Dad Kelly told me it was time for family time. I knew this was going to happen because Dad said family time will be at six and I knew that time, it will be time to come to the family room where we always meet. I stopped what I was doing and went downstairs. My diaper was soaking wet and I was too lazy to change it. At least the plastic pants kept them from leaking. It just felt like I had wet clothes around my bottom. Mom brought Matthew down and he said he smelled pee. “Natalie, how wet are you?” Dad asked. “I don’t know,” I said. “Check her Anita.” Mom put her hand in my pants and poked her finger inside my plastic pants. “She is soaking wet.” “Go upstairs and change and we will all wait for you doing nothing until you come back,” said Dad. Kelly sighed real loudly. “Don’t keep us waiting,” Dad told me. I headed upstairs and I grabbed another one of my cloth diapers and brought them to the bathroom with me. I took them off and wiped my bottom using a dirty towel and I put the dry diaper on and I wiped my plastic pants out with the towel and pulled them up and my pants. I took my diaper down to the laundry room and rinsed it out in the sink and left it there. Kelly and Matthew clapped. “Yay she is back,” said Kelly. “What is it going to take for us to get you to change sooner?” Dad asked me. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m afraid there is nothing we can do,” said Mom. “There wasn’t anything mine could do to make me go to the bathroom sooner. Maybe she will one day start making her own changing schedule and change like I did with my bathroom breaks.” “How about we all spank her naked bottom hard and make it all red every time she leaks or stinks,” said Kelly. “No,” said Dad. “Why not? It will get her to change sooner.” “No it will be child abuse and sexual assault. You do not hit a kid that hard and Natalie is far too old to get a spanking.” “How about she isn’t allowed any computer and video games and TV until she changes sooner,” said Matthew. “Okay, we will try that. Natalie, from now on, when you fail to change sooner, you will lose one day of those things and if you do it again, it will be two days and another day will add each time you do the offense.” My family is always coming up with ways to get me to remember to change sooner and they keep changing the rules. They can never stick to it. It’s as if they all have ADHD. I wonder what rule they will change it to next. I wonder how long this new rule will last before they change it again. “Okay tell me about how your days have been going?” Dad asked. Dad started with Kelly. Kelly complained about kids giving her a hard time about Mom again and this time it was about Michael Scott going around telling everyone about Mom’s episode at Safeway and kids teasing her about it telling her what a retarded mom she has and how crazy she is and this is what she means by Mom not caring about us because she keeps doing that stuff and doesn’t stop and why can’t she just ignore it and move on and not let it ruin her day. “Well Anita, do you think you can try harder at not letting people breaking rules upset you so much?” Dad asked. “It is affecting your daughter’s life.” “Yes,” said Mom. “Take a deep breath when it happens, walk away from the situation if you can, don’t keep interfering if the person refuses to listen so you don’t cause a disturbance or start a fight.” “She will just go back to doing it again,” said Kelly. “She always does. She doesn’t care or she would change.” “Now Kelly, don’t be hard on your mother. The more you keep acting this way, the more we will feel you are better off with another family.” “She’s the adult, I’m the child,” Kelly yelled. “Why did she even have us in the first place if she can’t even be an adult?” “You were all unplanned,” said Dad. “So, that doesn’t mean you had to have us. Ever heard of birth control or adoption?” “Yes but it’s hard to resist your babies when you have them.” Kelly started making sounds going “Ugh ugh ugh” open mouth. “Well you should have used birth control.” “I don’t know why lot of people are stupid, unfortunately we had to be stupid too. Okay Matthew, tell us about your days this week.” “Kids have been making fun of me all week and teasing me and bugging me about Mom and Natalie.” “What are they doing?” “They get mad at me for no reason and tell me where to go and stand and move to and Whitney took my corn bread and put some of it in his mouth and spat it at me and threw it on the lunch floor and the lunch lady gave me a new corn bread after she yelled at him. They also ask me if Natalie has ran out in traffic yet and been to jail again yet and telling me how retarded Mom was at Safeway because kids from our neighborhood told everyone else at school.” “I’m ruining my childrens’ lives,” Mom cried. “Then change,” said Kelly. “Be normal. How hard is that?” “Very,” said Mom. “Why don’t you learn to act different?” “Yeah, act like me,” I said. “How about you stop having dyslexia,” said Mom. “Hey, enough,” said Dad. “Let’s not attack each other.” “I learned to spell and write and read,” said Kelly. “See I did it, why can’t you?” “Kelly,” said Dad. Kelly folded her arms and sat back. “Natalie what about you?” “I like my English teacher now,” I said. “She doesn’t have the power to send kids away and the boy in my school never went to jail, his parents just took him out of the school because kids were too afraid of him and other kids that have disappeared from the school were also taken out by their parents and I am not afraid of her anymore and she also can’t tell kids personal things about us so I just be myself now instead of a zombie and I like to give her a hard time whenever she is mean and I hope to get out of her class if she finds she can’t control me.” “Natalie, you will not goof off in school,” said Dad. “But she is Mrs. Trunchbull and she doesn’t deserve any respect.” “She is the adult, you’re not.” “So, that doesn’t mean I have to respect her, she has to earn it.” “Glen she’s horrible,” said Mom. “You think all teachers are horrible when they don’t follow your standards,” said Dad. “You thought all of yours were bad when you were in high school. You think everyone is bad so you defy their authority.” “Remember her kindergarten teacher? She was bad and only got suspended and then still got to teach at her school.” “Yes but if this teacher was really bad, she would have been fired a long time ago. The kindergarten teacher only treated Natalie the way she did because she thought she was a normal kid so she treated her like she was being a brat and you wanted to get her fired and out of education so we were paid hush money.” “But other parents have taken their kids out of her class or out of school,” Mom yelled. “What does that tell you?” “That some parents are stupid they believe their own child.” “No, the principal is stupid and so are you now,” said Mom. “Jeas is this going to be another fight family night?” said Kelly. “Anita,” said Dad. “Don’t act like a dumb blonde,” said Mom. “I guess I will dye my hair blonde then and then I will have an excuse.” “I’m going to get rid of that teacher,” Mom shouted. “Anita, no. Not again,” said Dad. “If anyone messes with our kids, I mess with them,” Mom yelled. “I don’t need to hear from any authorities or have you end up in the hospital again, pretty soon it might be jail,” said Dad. Mom has been put away in hospitals for her outbursts and tantrums because she sometimes gets violent by throwing things or she grabs someone or she is just yelling and the police get called and she gets taken away. Sometimes it would be due to the medicine she was on and she hasn’t been to one in five years now because Mom won’t take any other medicine except anti-anxiety meds. But she always got out in three days and released to go home and Dad would pick her up and bring her home. Once the a doctor would figure out it was the medicine she is on, he would tell her to stop taking them and she would and he would release her. Mom would be glad it was the medicine that did it because it meant she wasn’t crazy or violent and it wasn’t her, it was the pills. But she still has anxiety because the pills don’t make it all go away, it just reduces it. The first time she was put in a hospital was when she was thirteen when she nearly killed her autistic brother. I wonder what it’s like in one. I only know by what I’ve seen in movies. “I don’t care. I would rather be locked away than not do anything,” Mom shouted again. Mom and Dad fought again and mom raised her voice and so did Dad. Then Mom started to cry and scream and she kicked at the coffee table. Then she said she hated Dad and wished she never married him and she doesn’t even know why she did. Then she walked out of the room and went upstairs wailing. Dad didn’t make her come back. “Kids, don’t act that way,” Dad told us. “That behavior is not appropriate.” “How can you let her act that way?” Kelly asked. “I’m used to it,” said Dad. “That’s just Mum.” “But she is acting all immature.” “That’s the way she is. She is emotionally immature and then she will be over it and love me again when she feels better.” “You’re her provider,” said Kelly. “I’m her husband.” “You make all the money, buy all the food, pay all the bills, and you do things for her other Moms would do themselves without needing their husbands.” “I am not forcing her to stay. The reason she stays is because she loves me.” “If she left you, she wouldn’t have anywhere to go and you withhold all the money and she wouldn’t have anything to be able to leave with so if you were beating her and us, she wouldn’t be able to protect us. Why couldn’t you marry someone normal?” “If I did, then you wouldn’t have exist and neither would Brian, Natalie, and Matthew,” said Dad. “I would rather not have existed then,” said Kelly with her arms folded. “Kelly, she has done a lot for you. She has provided for you and taken care of you tried giving you support and let you do what makes you happy and this is how you treat her?” Dad,” said Kelly. “She is your mother so you give her respect.” “It’s so hard seeing her as my mother if she doesn’t act like one. I come home and it feels like I don’t even have a mom waiting for me, all I see is a woman that looks like my mom.” Kelly is so stupid. How can she expect love from Mom if she is treating her bad? Why doesn’t she start punishing her every time she is mean to her? “Why don’t you guys just start punishing her every time she is mean to her,” I said. “I’m so sick of her being mean to her.” “I’m being mean?” Kelly asked. “Excuse me.” “Your sister is not being mean to her,” said Dad. “She is just going through a difficult time.” “She is so needy and whatever Mom does is never good enough for her,” I cried. “How can she expect Mom to keep loving her and wanting her around if she is always putting her down?” “At school, I am the one suffering but at home I am the meanie,” said Kelly. “You need to accept differences Kelly,” said Dad. “You need to be accepting and understanding and it’s time we teach you that.” Kelly just opened her mouth saying it was all unfair and this whole family had it backwards. In other families and everyone else, Mom would be in the wrong and so would he but Dad said he doesn’t care what other people say, lot of people are too narrow minded and don’t like people who are different and it’s time people change that and he is trying to raise his normal kids being accepting and opened minded, not a bigot. “So I’m a bigot then,” said Kelly. “You get so mad at Mom too for what she does but yet you get mad at me about it too. What is it with you being with the wrong people, you even said your ex-girlfriend had problems as well and you would always drink at parties when you were in college and get so drunk, get badly influenced by other kids growing up and then you find Mom.” “I don’t know, I must have great talent for finding people who aren’t boring and when I first saw your mother, I didn’t even know her so I didn’t want to date her because I thought she was slow and kids liked to tease her and yell in her face and she always skipped lunch but once I knew her, she was smart, she was funny, she was cute and very innocent and she didn’t need people to make her happy, she loved children, she never did anything bad, no drugs or drinking or stealing or skipping school or property damage. At least she wasn’t a bad influence. I also liked her personality even if she had some bad vices like money spending or her outbursts or tantrums, always having to remind her to do things, her fidgeting and can’t stand still, the black and white thinking, walking away from people during conversations, getting very upset when a rule isn’t being followed, getting very vile, but when she was calm and happy, she was pleasant to be around and fun to be with. It’s pretty normal to think “ugh, why did I marry this woman?” or think “ugh why did I marry this person?” “I’ll just accept I am broken in this family but outside I am normal,” said Kelly. “It seems like being normal is broken and being different is normal in this family.” “What’s normal?” Dad asked. “People like me,” said Kelly. “Normal is over rated. Back in the days gay people weren’t even normal and they fought to be accepted and not be treated like they are broken and need fixing and they finally removed it from the DSM. Black people used to be treated like they were broken too and also treated different, people who were left handed were also treated broken, there is nothing wrong with your mother.” “Are you serious?” Kelly asked. “You’re comparing her to black people and gays, and left handies. Those are not the same as Mom’s. What’s next? Accepting crazy people and let’s just let them be crazy. Let’s accept people who love children and like to have sex with them and accept it and who love to touch them wrong. Really Dad, that is so stupid.” “Maybe someday you will learn to look at it all differently like I have,” said Dad. “You’ve been influenced by her,” said Kelly. “Has she brainwashed you?” “I am getting so close to kicking you out and sending you to group home for out of control teens,” said Dad. “But then that would just make me a lazy father for giving up on his child so I have you in therapy hoping to get you help.” “I’m out of control now?” Kelly cried. “I’m out of control? From what everyone else has said to me, I am a normal girl but you guys tell me I have something wrong with me. This family is strange.” “Everyone else is weird and we’re right,” I said. “Normies are mean people,” said Matthew. Kelly kept gasping. “I’m done with this topic.” “Fine,” said Dad. I was so glad Kelly had realized she was wrong and Dad was right so she stopped fighting. At least she turned into a smart blonde. “Okay, let’s start family time,” said Dad. “What shall we do for family time?” “What about Mom?” I asked. “I’m letting her relax, I don’t want to deal with her emotions right now.” So if I wanted to leave family time, I just have to do what Mom did to let Dad leave family time so I can do what I want. Matthew, Kelly and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what we should do. I was open for doing anything. Dad opened the drawer and took out some small tapes. “We can watch some family movies. This tape here is dated October-December 1987, this other tape here is dated 1989, March to May, this other tape here is dated 1990 to 1991. Oh this other tape here is dated summer of 1997.” Dad was looking at each tape in his hand and then he went up to his room and came back down with the camera to set up on the TV set. “I really have to work on putting these tapes in order.” After Dad got done setting the camera up, he put a tape in and rewinded it and played it. It was my pre diaper days he was playing. I was real little in the movie and so was Kelly and Brian looked so young. He had no facial hair and it sounded like his voice hadn’t changed yet. Mom and Dad both looked younger and Matthew wasn’t even around because he hadn’t been born yet. It showed Thanksgiving and Kelly’s birthday and our Christmas and Kelly had gotten a car for her to play in and it was one of those cars you peddle in. Brian had gotten a new Nintendo game and showed it to the camera. I had obviously copied Brian because I wouldn’t stop putting every present to the camera I had opened while Brian had only done it once. Most of the things I got for Christmas was Barbie stuff and one of them was a board game. I also opened another present and my Dad said “What did you get? Whoa you got new pairs of knickers. What’s on them? Oh it’s The Little Mermaid, your favorite. Did Santa get you knickers too?” “Santa’s not real,” I said in the video. “Not real?” Kelly cried in the video. “She’s joking honey,” said Dad in the video. “There is Santa.” “No there isn’t,” I said again in the video. Kelly was starting to cry so Dad took her out of the living room. “Wow, even Natalie ruined things back then too,” said Kelly out of the video. “Not intentionally,” said Dad out of the video. I came up to the camera and showed it my Little Mermaid underwear. Even I was correcting people back then. We watched the rest of the Christmas scene and then the shot was 1991 because the tree had been taken down and Kelly and I were just jumping on an empty mattress that was lying on the living room floor. We would get on the couch and jump on it and I was trying to fly because I would hold my arms out and fall instead when I would jump. I couldn’t believe we were allowed to jump on the furniture so I made a comment about it and Dad told me it was Mom letting us do it because she didn’t see the big deal about it and he was at work so he wasn’t there to stop us and Mom always waited until he was gone to let us do whatever we wanted. I assumed Brian was in school because he wasn’t around and it must have been morning before I went to school for PM kindergarten. I even did summersaults on the mattress. “That is so dangerous what you’re doing there Natalie and your mum is letting you do it,” said Dad. “Good thing you didn’t get hurt. See Kelly, look at your mother letting you and her jump around, isn’t she great?” Kelly didn’t say anything. The next scene also showed Kelly riding in her new car and I was trying to toss a Frisbee in the yard and Brian was trying to show me how to do it. I would try but had troubles with it. Then I got frustrated with it so I decided to try and throw it on our house. “Natalie, no, don’t throw it up there,” said Mom. But I kept trying to throw it up there and Mom told me no again and Brian took it out of my hands. I didn’t even cry. I couldn’t even throw it far in the air and my accuracy was very bad. Then I walked over to Kelly and tried to pull her out but Mom stopped me by telling me Kelly had it first and wait my turn. “See Kelly, look at what Mom is doing, she didn’t even let your sister push you out of your car,” said Dad. “She didn’t even thank Brian for taking the darn Frisbee from her,” said Kelly. I kept trying to push Kelly out of her car so I could ride in it and Mom threatened to send me in the house and not play outside anymore if I didn’t leave my sister alone. Then Kelly got stuck in the flower bed and couldn’t get her car out so she started to cry. “Stuck,” she was saying. “My car is stuck. Help me.” Brian rushed over and pulled her car out. “Fank you,” said Kelly and started riding it again. Then we heard the front door opened and Dad stepped out with a beer bottle in his hand and he took a sip. “What is going on out here?” he asked. “Kids are playing,” said Mom behind the camera. I also noticed Mom kept zooming in on the neighbors houses and their yards and it was so annoying. She also zoomed in close on Kelly’s car and what Brian had on and zooming in on our yard and house. Then there was someone walking down the street and Mom zoomed in on that person. “That is why I never like letting your mother handle the camera,” said Dad out of the video. “She gets too caught up with trivial things and zooms in to see it and the rest of us don’t want to see it.” “Why?” I asked. “We want to see you kids, not all the little details.” “No why does Mom do that?” “I don’t know.” Mom also zoomed into stuff on the streets and sidewalks which was dirt or stuff from trees or leaves or cracks in the sidewalks. Dad out of the video was laughing. “I can definitely tell who shot the video without hearing any sound,” he said. “Mom, I want to hold the camera, can I?” Brian asked. “Sure,” Mom handed the camera to Brian and there was no longer the lens being zoomed in and it was finally pleasant to watch again. Brian just took some movies of Kelly and then me walking around the yard and Mom just standing on the front porch. “Brian came to the rescue,” said Dad out of the camera. Brian also showed Dad in the video drinking from his bottle. Even Dad was drinking back then too and he liked walking around with a beer in his hand. I always saw it as a Dad thing. I didn’t care anymore if Mom didn’t have to be here, I was enjoying the family movie. Mom was missing out on the fun. Brian never once zoomed in on anything except on me or Kelly. “Why am I not in the movie?” Matthew cried. “You weren’t even born,” I said. What a stupid question. “I know that,” he said. “So why did you ask.” “So I could hear you say it.” We watched the rest of the video and it showed Mom doing Valentines with me. We were both sitting at the kitchen table and I was writing my name on the cards and Mom would hand me a piece of candy with tape on it and have me stick it to the envelope after putting the card in it. Then I would write kids names on it. The cards looked homemade and I wondered why I didn’t have any store bought ones. “Now look what Mom is doing Kelly,” Dad pointed to the movie. “Yeah yeah yeah I get it, she did stuff other moms would do,” said Kelly. “But that still doesn’t change anything.” “Nothing is ever good enough,” I told Kelly. Then Mom told me to put all my cards in a paper sack and she set it in front of me. I put each one in there. Then Mom told me to put them in my backpack. I took the paper sack and walked away from the table. Then in the next scene it showed me showing all my Valentine cards I got. I laid them all out on the table pictures facing up. I picked each card up and pointed it to the camera and then Kelly got near me and touched one of my cards and I pushed her away and Kelly cried a little bit. “Nat, be nice to your sister,” said Brian. I assumed he was the one holding up the camera. Then the camera turned from me to the family room and there was Mom sitting down. Then Brian moved the camera back to me again. He zoomed in on my cards and I saw what they were. Then the doorbell rang and the camera got put down and then the camera was picked back up again and then Veronica came in the picture. I didn’t even say anything to her. I just saw her and kept looking at my cards not even knowledging she is there. I couldn’t believe how young she looked. Veronica started talking to me and then she took out her Valentine cards and poured them out on the table. I stared at them and then I got out of my chair and walked to her side and started touching her cards. Veronica didn’t say anything. I kept looking at them when she looked at mine and then the video ended and the next scene came on. It looked like I was in some chaotic place and there was lot of noise and kids screaming and I could tell it was some play place for kids. There was me and my family at the table with other people which was our relatives from Mom’s side of the family. I saw Aunt Bridgett and former Uncle Jeff and there were my cousins Timmy, Amber, and Jesse. Jaymee hadn’t been born yet either. I also saw Grandma Del and Grandpa and there was Aunt Celeste with them. She was still a kid then because she was only sixteen in the video and she had blonde hair too like me, Mom, Kelly, Grandma Del, and Aunt Bridgett. I noticed Mom wasn’t anywhere in the scene. “Where’s Mom?” I asked out of the video. “She didn’t come and she was upset when she found out where we were having your party,” said Dad. “Why?” “Too loud for her and too much noise and she thought we did it to keep her from being at the party but it was about you, not her.” The place looked lot of fun I was at. “Where is that place?” I asked. “Somewhere on 4th Plain,” said Dad. “Where is that at?” “Vancouver.” “What is the name of that place?” “I think it was something Family Fun center, I don’t remember the name,” said Dad. “Is that place still there?” I asked. “I have no idea.” We watched the rest of the scene and it had lot of tables there and an eating area, play equipment, video games and games to play and it showed me opening my presents and us having cake and the kind of cake I had was the Little Mermaid. I didn’t always see Celeste in the movie. Then in the next scene it showed me playing on the equipment and jumping in some bouncing thing. I also saw Celeste on it too and she also jumped on it. “They must have taken time off to come to my party?” I said to Dad. “We did it on the weekend,” said Dad. “We had your party on Friday night with Mom after dinner and we saved the rest of your presents for the party.” “But they must have had to miss school to come down there,” I said. “I think they only missed one day.” I couldn’t believe Uncle Jeff was there despite that he was an abusive drunk and Bridgett was a neglectful mother but yet all the kids looked cared for and they showed no signs of any abuse or neglect. “Bridgett’s family looks normal,” I said. “Lot of families look normal in the movies and pictures,” said Dad. “Why?” “Because the movie doesn’t tell the whole story and neither do photos. The movie is just showing a happy moment and people tend to hide their problems from other people so they pretend to be happy.” When the scene ended, it was the end of the tape. Dad took the tape out and put it back in the case. “Our family looks so normal in the movie,” said Kelly. “That is because we only took them when everyone was happy and there was no fighting going on and no problems,” said Dad. “If I took movies of us playing a board game right now and none of us were bickering, then we would look like a perfect family.” “We should do this more often,” I said. “We can do it again,” said Dad. “Since we have to cut back on spending, we can do family movies instead.” “I think I will just watch them and pretend what a normal family we are,” said Kelly. “Okay, that is end of family time and it’s nine o clock,” said Dad. He started to put the camera away. I couldn’t shower because I had one last night. Instead I took another sponge bath and shaved in the sink and brushed my teeth and changed my diaper again. I put the diaper in the laundry sink again. Mom was in the family room again. She was looking through the Sunday paper. She had it spread out on the coffee table and she was looking through it. Mom was already in her pajamas and she had on a bathrobe. I went upstairs. “Mom is mad at me,” I heard Dad say. “Why?” I asked. “She won’t speak to me or look at me. She will get over it. That’s Mum. I need a beer.” “You’re not allowed to have any,” I reminded. “I know that. I just need to have one. I’ll just have a pop instead and I will pretend it’s beer.” Dad walked by me and went downstairs.
I had another bad night that night. I felt uneasy because I didn’t have my shower and I couldn’t stop feeling dirty and I also remembered what Veronica told me. Was I treated different because of what veronica said? Am I really that bad she claimed? Do other kids think the same thing as her? Was I picked on for that reason? Is that what Ms. Penny meant all along if I will just be normal kids will leave me alone? Thinking about it just made me cry and why couldn’t I just be normal? I tossed and turned in bed and played with my Teletubby. I also enjoyed being in the thick diaper. It felt so comfortable and I felt a little excited when I peed in it. I just rubbed the diaper against my bottom using both hands. I felt more excited peeing in cloth diapers than in disposables. It also made me tired and I finally went to sleep and it felt so nice I could masturbate without waking Kelly up. At least I knew I wasn’t alone because I asked on the diaper wannabe board if anyone there was incontinent and if they also liked peeing in their diapers and pooping in them and masturbating in them and some said yes. I also asked it on the new incontinent board and lot said they didn’t get any pleasure out of it and one of them suggested I may be developing a diaper fetish. Can I have a diaper fetish and still not want to wear them if I had a choice? I wasn’t sure. I knew I wasn’t a diaper wannabe because I have to wear them and I didn’t choose it.
I of course woke up in a wet diaper and it was uncomfortable because it was soaking wet and I could feel a rash starting. I got out of bed and turned on my lamp. I grabbed a cloth diaper and took it to the bathroom with me. I changed and cleaned myself up with a wet rag an dried off my skin and put the diaper on. I remembered to rinse it out in the laundry sink and leave it there. Then I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and went back to my room. It felt nice being dry again but only for thirty minutes because I wet myself again and it hit the spot where a rash was starting and it stung a little. It wasn’t bad so I ignored it and went back to sleep.
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Post by Bad Beth on Dec 11, 2013 18:43:03 GMT
Chapter 27
Mom woke me up the next morning. My bottom was stinging and she had one of my diapers with her and the container of wipes. She pulled the covers off me and took off my pajamas. I curled up in a ball and pulled the blankets back over me. If I moved in a certain position, the wet diaper would hit the part of my bottom where I had a rash. It felt worse this time than before. Mom had an outfit in her hands she picked out for me. She pulled the covers off me again and told me to stand up so I won’t get my bed all wet. I stood up and she pulled down my pants and took my diaper off. It was drenched and Mom set it on top of the plastic pants. She wiped my bottom and I told her I had a diaper rash. “I can see, that is why you need to change sooner,” she said. She unfolded my diaper and set it under me. “I need rash cream,” I said. “I’m getting it,” she said. “I just need to put this under you first so you don’t leak on the carpet.” She got up again and looked on my dresser for the rash cream. She picked it up and squirted some on her finger and rubbed it over the rash and then she wiped the cream off on my diaper. Then she grabbed one of my clean wipes and wiped her fingers and then she put the diaper on me. She put my swimming suit on me and then got me dressed. She left my bedroom with my wet diaper and plastic pants. I felt a lot better being dry and my rash didn’t hurt anymore. I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. I had some cereal again. I heard Mom in the laundry room. She was doing some laundry and she started the washer. After I was finished eating, I put my bowl in the sink and went upstairs to brush my teeth and hair and I got my backpack ready. I had wipes in there and I only had three diapers left so I asked Mom to bring me more. “How many do you need today?” she asked. “A whole pack,” I said. “You don’t need that much, how many times a day do you change at school?” “Two,” I said. “And that is without the mess?” “Yes,” I said. “And how many do you have in your backpack?” “Three,” I said. “I’ll give you one more and that should be enough and the extra two will be for emergencies like if you have a messy accident.” “But that isn’t even enough to last me all week,” I cried. “Natalie, you don’t need to carry all those diapers in your bag and you only have two days of school this week so you don’t need nineteen diapers in your bag. I’ll give you more tomorrow before school.” I felt uneasy. I always stocked up in school and now I was going to have very little with me every day. At least I knew Allie wouldn’t be able to steal any because I would keep them in my locker. I also couldn’t take my odor pill because I had ran out. I was hoping Mom would get some more for me today so I reminded her to get some. “They’re out,” Mom reminded. “But it’s next week now so go there and see if they have come yet,” I said. I also wished I could stay home sick so I wouldn’t risk being found out about my secret. “Can I stay home until we get more of those pills?” I asked. “No,” said Mom. “But then kids might find out,” I said. “Next time tell us sooner when you are running out instead of telling us so late you run out before we get more.” I was mad. Why did I have to forget to tell my parents I needed more. I thought they were going to buy me more and I didn’t know I had to tell them. This was so unfair. I just hope I won’t slush myself in class or in the lunch room. I wish they would just tell me what is expected of me. I hate getting older. People expect me to know more without being told. If I were retarded, then no one would expect more out of me. I wish I was retarded, then my life would be easier. Mom handed me an extra diaper. “There you go Natalie, an extra diaper for you.” I took it from her and walked away with it putting it in my backpack. I went in the den and played GoldenEye. I played the dam level again. Kelly left for the bus before me. I didn’t see her much this morning. She only grabbed an apple and decided to have it for breakfast and had it up in her room. Kelly always gets herself up for school and ready and leaves on her own so Mom doesn’t even have to do it except making sure she is up and ready and has left for the bus. I did hear them talk a little bit before she left for the bus. Soon my ride came and Mom came in the den and told me my ride was here. I turned the game off and Mom asked me if I had everything ready. I realized I didn’t have my binder. “Oh, my binder,” I said. “Natalie, you’re supposed to be ready,” said Mom. “Why didn’t you get ready?” “I forgot,” I said. I ran back upstairs and I grabbed it and my Game Boy. I came back downstairs. “You need to be ready before you start playing,” Mom lectured me. “You can’t keep them waiting.” I put my shoes and coat on and Mom stuck my binder in my backpack for me. “You still have lunch money don’t you?” “I think so,” I said. “You think so?” Mom asked. “It’s also your responsibility to tell us when you are low so we can give you more.” “Now you tell me.” “Make sure you look when you get your food, you don’t want to not end up with any food.” Mom opened the front door for me. “Have a great day and Natalie, you don’t have to be in your class with Mrs. Bitch.” “Okay,” I said. I guess it was an arrangement my mom made with Mrs. Peggy. I wondered where do I go when I get to school. I will just ask when I get there. I walked to the van and got in. Music was playing again. I put my seat belt on and we left. I felt my diaper getting warm. The van was also heated and I also felt my crotch get warm. I guess that is another bonus to wearing diapers. I can warm myself up in the winter with my accidents and the diaper keeps it there. Sadly I felt dry again after the pee absorbed into the diaper and locked it from my skin. I think peeing in cloth is better but I like doing it in disposables too. Kids talked in the van and then I heard GoldenEye being brought up so I started to say something about it too. I also mentioned the movie and said the game is better and joked about Natalya wearing a diaper because of how the graphics look. “Not again,” said Gary. “Damn it everyone, every time we talk and bring up an Ass Burger’s hobby or interest, they all start talking and take over our conversation.” I ignored him and kept talking. Then I told a blonde joke I learned from Matthew. “James and the blonde are trapped on the train and they have three minutes to escape. The blonde tries to get on the computer to track down Boris so she can see where Alec and Xenia are heading to but she can’t get the computer to work so she pounds on it.” “Not again,” said Gary covering his ears. I talked louder. “James tells her to calm down and asks her why is she pounding on the TV set.” No one laughed. “Hey did you know one of the James Bond movies really did have a dumb blonde, her name was Mary Goodnight and she was played by Britt Ekland in The Man With a Golden Gun and the singer named Lulu sang the theme song for it.” “Nobody cares about your James Bond trivia,” said Gary. “How do you know, can you read their minds,” I said. Gary didn’t answer. He was so stupid for how he was acting. What is it with him and the word Ass Burgers? I talked about the GoldenEye game again and mentioned how Izabella’s Scorupco’s true hair color is blonde and it sure matched her character because she couldn’t figure out the answer was chair to Boris’s riddle and it was so simple. Sam told me to lower my voice because I was shouting. Oh man, I couldn’t keep bothering Gary with me talking louder to the other kids about the game. I felt like Sniper the fox because he always says oh man when he couldn’t snipe something from Dora and Boots. It’s been one of those little kid shows I like because it has Spanish in it. I swore I would be through watching kid shows when I turned thirteen but I still end up watching them sometimes. At least I don’t watch Barney. There was no way I was going to give up watching Rugrats or Hey Arnold and other Nick shows and the Disney shows too and only stick with teen shows and Vault Disney and Zoog Disney. Mom told me I didn’t need to give anything up just because I am a teen now and she didn’t stop liking kid things when she was one and she still doesn’t feel grown up. At least she doesn’t have to go to school anymore and deal with other kids and stupid teachers and she wouldn’t even want to go back to her real childhood. “I think bench would have been a better answer,” I said. “You can’t take that with you either but sometimes you can take a chair with but never a bench so the blonde always leaves her folding chairs behind because you can’t take them with you.”
When we got to school, Gary yelled at me about taking over the conversation in the car and talking about James Bond and blonde jokes and the game. “I can talk about it all I want like everyone else,” I said. “You all Ass Burgers people think you can push your dumb interests in other people’s faces and expect them to listen,” he said. “They were talking about it too,” I said. “That means they’re Ass Burgers too.” “You talked loud and talked over everyone and kept cutting everyone off,” said Gary. “People do that to me too so what’s the difference?” I said. Gary kept on ranting at me about my talking in the van. “I will just keep on talking to piss you off since you’re not nice,” I said. “You’re so stupid,” he said. I didn’t care if he called me that. For some reason it makes me stupid when I stand up for myself and give bullies a hard time. I went to my locker and counted my odor pills and had three in there. I had enough for this week but I wouldn’t be able to take any in the morning and at night so I knew one pill a day wouldn’t keep the smell away. I wasn’t sure where to go for class because Mom said I didn’t have to be in class with Mrs. Trunchbull. I decided to just stay at my locker. I noticed I still had 1984. I just left it sitting in my locker because it was too hard to read and I knew I was behind in English but I didn’t care. I laid my coat on the floor and sat on it and played my game. Then a hand got in front of my face and I looked up and it was another kid. I didn’t know his name and I put my foot in front of him and he tripped over it. He bumped into another kid and the kid got mad at him yelling at him to watch where he was going. “It wasn’t my fault, it was hers,” he pointed at me. “You put your hand in front of my face,” I shouted. Kids were walking to their classes and pretty soon the hallways were bare again and the bell rang. I just stayed put. I couldn’t wait until next period so I wouldn’t be out here anymore all bored. I just played my game. I wasn’t sure how long I was out here for when Mrs. Peggy saw me. “Why aren’t you in class young lady? I saw you were marked absent again.” “My mom said I didn’t need to be in her class,” I said. “Where am I supposed to go?” “Really? I will see what we can do, come with me.” I paused my game and stood up. I followed her to my class. There were kids doing their reading and Mrs. Trunchbull was at her desk. “A skipper again eh,” she said when we came in. “Is there any work she needs to do in this class?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “Yes, she has gotten behind in this class and she needs to catch up on her book and do some DOL.” “Well she is going to be doing her work out of this class,” said Mrs. Peggy. “Certainly,” said Mrs. Trunchbull. She gave me some assignments to catch up on and told me to read 1984. Then Mrs. Peggy took me to the quiet room but she let me go to my locker first for my binder. I couldn’t believe how different Mrs. Trunchbull acted around her. I wish she would act that nice around everyone. I sat down on the sofa and worked on my DOL. I copied it all into my notebook and made corrections I could find. After I was through, I started to read 1984 again but found it so boring so I decided to take a break and play my Game Boy. I took it out and unpaused it and continued playing. Then the door opened and a boy came in and he looked mad. The teacher who brought him in told him to stay in here until he calms down. The boy was crying and cursing and kicked at the chair and sat down. I ignored him. He looked like trouble. I just focused on my game trying to not look at him. I didn’t want him to get mad at me and beat me up or fight me. “Who are you?” the boy asked. “Me,” I said. What kind of answer was that I gave? “Don’t you have a name?” “Yes,” I said. “What is it?” “Uhhhh,” I said. I felt nervous talking to him. Do I give him my name or fake name? Scared, I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the room. I ran down the halls. I hoped the kid wasn’t after me. I hid in the basement again. I would rather relax in here than in the quiet room where dangerous kids might be. That kid could be another Jonathon. I stayed here until the bell rang. I got up and went to my next class. I turned in my math work I did on Friday with Jason. I was all caught up now. Mrs. Zeller was shocked I got it all done so soon. I told her I decided to do it all and now I won’t have to stay after school anymore. I sat down in an empty seat. “I am sitting there,” said Shannon. I got out of the seat and moved to another empty seat. “I am sitting here,” said Jake. I got out of the seat again and moved to another seat. “I’m sitting there Natalie,” said Caroline. I moved to two more seats before I realized all these kids were messing me and no matter what seat I sat in, they were going to make me move again claiming they are sitting there when there was nothing under the chair or on the desk. “Are you going to make me move every time I sit down?” I yelled. “Leave me alone.” “Natalie, you’re out of control so stop,” Matt shouted. “Stay out of this or do you want me to beat you up?” I yelled. “Sure go ahead,” he said. I got out of my seat and went over to him and started hitting him and pinching him chickening out hurting him. I couldn’t get myself to hurt him that bad and Mrs. Zeller shouted at me and other kids pulled me away from him while Matt just let me beat on him. Mrs. Zeller took my hand and took me out of her classroom telling me I am going to the quiet room to calm down. “The other kids were being mean to me,” I said. “They were not,” she said. “Yes they were,” I cried. “Why am I the one in trouble?” “You’re the only one who started to hit,” said Mrs. Zeller. “He said I could beat him up,” I said. “I don’t care what he says, there is no violence allowed here.” Why was Mrs. Zeller being mean now? She was now siding against me and being like my old schools. Kids are allowed to pick on me, I am always the one in trouble and not them for bullying me. She had changed from being nice to mean now. Mrs. Zeller took me to the quiet room and the kid was gone. “You sit in here and calm down,” Mrs. Zeller told me closing the door. I just sat on cried. I felt homesick. I was too upset to play my Game Boy. I just sat still crying and couldn’t wait to go home. If Allie was using me, I wondered if Jason was using me too. Kids had always used me and I didn’t even know it then. Mom and Dad did tell me but I didn’t understand what using someone meant. I also wonder if kids were my friend out of pity because I was different. I remember how hurtful it was when I thought I was friends with a girl in junior high and then she told me she didn’t like me and I asked her why is she my friend then and she said it was because she is nice. I got the same from a few other kids too. When I was little I didn’t understand because if they didn’t like me, they wouldn’t be playing with me so I didn’t believe them if they said they didn’t like me. But maybe they were also being nice. That is a strange way of being nice. I hate it because it’s so annoying. I don’t want someone being my friend just to be nice and they didn’t even like me. It feels so fake. I don’t even know if I ever had a real friend. Was Jason my real friend or was he just being “nice” or using me? I decided I wouldn’t be anyone’s friend.
Soon Mrs. Peggy came in the room and told me Matt Barker had a cut on his neck from where I pinched him and asked me what do I say about it. “He told me to go ahead,” I said. “No, you do not pinch people in this school,” said Mrs. Peggy. “Remember me handing you the rules when you started here?” “Yes,” I said. “I expect you to follow them. The rules apply to you too and everyone else in this building.” “You have a rule against bullying and kids picked on me in class and how come they’re not in trouble?” I cried. “Natalie, you are going to get in serious trouble one day if you do not learn to control yourself. You need to learn and think before you do things.” “I’m going to get in trouble for defending myself?” I asked. “You did not defend yourself, you hurt him.” “But-“ “No buts,” she cut me off. “What do you think should be done?” I was silent. I didn’t know what should be done, I was hoping for her to say what should be done. “Natalie?” “I don’t know,” I said. “You could write an apology. What would you say in it?” “Sorry for trying to beat you up like you told me to,” I said. “That is not even an apology.” “He told me go ahead,” I said. “If someone told you to jump off a building, would you?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “No,” I said. “Okay. You know then. Just because he told you to do it does not mean you should.” I just started crying. She was like Ms. Penny, siding against me and making it all my fault. Bullies win and the victim is the one in trouble. “The whole world is after me,” I cried. “No it’s not,” said Mrs. Peggy. “Yes it is,” I shouted. “Everywhere I go, I will always be treated different, I seem to have something on me that tells everyone I’m different so treat me like crap and make me the bad guy. You’re like my old principal, always letting kids be mean to me and make me the one in trouble, not them.” “It feels that way doesn’t it,” she said. “It is that way,” I said. “No, it feels that way for you right now.” “No, everyone has always treated me different and made me the bad guy and the bullies the good guys,” I cried. “My high school did that and so did my Junior High and Elementary school.” I cried more and threw the pillow off the couch. “I hate coming here too I wish I was never born,” I yelled. “I wish I died at birth or wish my mom miscarried me. I wish they used birth control to keep me from being born. I wished I died in that car accident.” I threw another pillow off the couch and crabbed the cushions and threw them. Mrs. Peggy left telling me she will wait until I am calmed down before we talk again. I cried louder. She didn’t even care how she was treating me and how I was being treated and would rather leave me like this. I cried more and then left the room and went to my locker and grabbed my backpack and left the school. I left the property and no one saw me leave. I wandered off and saw some buildings and mostly homes. I walked along the sidewalk. I knew I would have to go back to school soon to go home or come back for lunch or I would starve. It was cold out here and I kept my hands in my coat pockets and put my hood up to keep my ears warm. I was glad my hair wasn’t long anymore because my hair would get in the way and get in my face and now with it short, I couldn’t keep my ears warm so I used my hood. My crotch also felt cold so I knew I was wetter. I would warm it up soon. Cars drove by and I was along a busy street. Soon I saw Albertsons and wandered in there to keep warm. I went to the magazines/books section and looked at the new Nintendo Power magazine. I read the readers’ letters and the Nintendo Power’s staff’s responses. I also saw the fan art and looked at the upcoming release games. I didn’t see many games being released for the Nintendo 64 and a bunch of them were for Game Boy Color. I had a feeling they were getting close to not making the Nintendo 64 games anymore. I read the pages on games that interested me. Then I read Teen next and read embarrassing moments and the real life section. I also looked at the Nickelodeon magazine and read the new Archie comic book. I wondered if Mrs. Peggy was worried about me and if she had other teachers looking for me too and how would they react when they see I am nowhere to be found. Would they know I left school property? Would they call my mother too and how would she also react about me missing again? “Hey you,” I heard a lady’s voice. I looked up. It was one of the store employee’s. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “Reading,” I said. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” “Yes.” “Why are you here? How old are you?” “Fifteen and I am here to keep warm.” “Well you’re supposed to be in school, I am going to ask you to leave or I will have to call the cops.” “Why?” “Because you’re supposed to be in school and you’re skipping and we don’t allow teens here during school hours.” I put the book down and got up and left. I walked through the parking lot and then I saw a police car. It was parked in the lot and the door opened and out came the officer. Had the store employee called them already? I thought she was going to call them if I didn’t leave. “Hey you,” he said to me. “Me?” I asked. “Come here, I need to ask you a few questions.” I slowly walked over to him. “Do you have any ID on you?” “No,” I said. I felt nervous. How do I not look drunk? “How old are you?” “Fifteen.” “You’re supposed to be in school young lady. Are you skipping?” “Yes.” “Hey look at me,” said the officer. I looked up a little. “Why are you skipping?” he asked. “I hate being there.” “Get in,” he opened the back door. I stood there. “In or I am going to have to take you in for skipping.” Scared, I rushed in the back and he closed the door. He took my backpack of course. He put it in the front seat when he got in. “What is your name young lady?” the officer asked. “Natalie,” I said. “Where do you live?” “Saltwater.” “What brings you here?” “School van,” I said. “Why are you in this town?” “Because my school is here.” “What school do you go to?” “Rosa Parks Alternative Learning School.” The officer started the car and left the parking lot. He then asked me where my school was. I didn’t know the address. Then he told me to just tell him the way.
When we got there, he said “Oh this is for kids who need more help than what their other school could give. We’re home.” “No I’m not, this is school,” I said. He grabbed my backpack and opened the back door and I got out. He took me inside. I was brought into the office and we waited for someone to come in. Then Mrs. Dorsell the principal assistant came in. She is a bit younger than Mrs. Peggy and a little thinner too. “Good you’re back, what happened?” she asked the officer. “I found her in the River Heights parking lot over on Sunnyside Road,” the officer replied. “She went that far?” Mrs. Dorsell sounded surprised when she said it. Why would she be surprised? Has any student not gone that far? My legs were sore from all that walking. “Thanks for bringing her back, this is the first time she has left school ground but she has taken off before but never left the property.” The office said bye and left. Thank god he didn’t treat me bad or make fun of me or grab me the way The Keystone Cops did or even yell at me. Mrs. Dorsell told me to sit and wait for Mrs. Peggy to get back. I sat and waited. My diaper felt wetter. I felt the back for leaks. The bell rang and Mrs. Peggy came in the office. “Good you found her.” “The police brought her back,” said Mrs. Dorsell. “Where did you go?” Mrs Peggy asked me. “I walked and I was at Albertsons reading,” I said. “You walked that far? Goodness Natalie, we were looking all over for you and couldn’t find you when I saw you weren’t in the quiet room anymore. I can’t believe you left school property. When is your father home?” “After seven,” I said. “Do you know what time?” “No,” I said. “So what would be the good time for me to call and talk to him?” “After seven and on the weekends,” I said. “He works late,” she said. “That’s because he lost his license so he has to take the bus now and it takes him an hour and a half to get home,” I said. “Goodness.” Mrs. Dorsell left the office. “Natalie, why did you leave school ground?” “I wanted to run away,” I said. “Why?” “You’re like everyone else, you don’t care about me and I am not allowed to defend myself and you let the kids be bullies and the victims be the bad guys.” “Natalie that is not true. I care about all my students and try my best to help them all.” “You’re not helping me,” I pointed out. “How am I not helping you?” “You sided against me and left me alone in the quiet room.” “The reason why I left was because I wanted you to calm down before I could continue talking to you. I can’t talk to you if you are screaming and crying and having a meltdown.” Meltdown? I never heard of that word being used on humans. It was always tantrums or breakdowns and episodes and having a fit. “I needed you to be calm for me to talk to you. I can’t do that when you’re like that,” said Mrs. Peggy. “I didn’t do it to abandon you. I’m sorry I made you feel that way but it was not my intent.” I played with my coat and moved my legs back and forth. “Also if you feel you are being bullied, you need to tell the teacher, not hit or pinch, none of that. You don’t touch other students. That is what you got in trouble for. You didn’t tell your teacher, instead you attacked Matt and left a scratch on his neck. Now his mother is going to wonder how he got it and how is she going to feel when she finds out it was done by another student.” “That he shouldn’t tell kids to beat him up,” I said. “How do you think she will feel?” “I just told you.” “No, I asked how she will feel, not what she will think.” “Uh,” I thought. How would she feel? I pictured my own kid coming come with a cut on his neck. “What happened to your neck?” I asked. “A kid at school pinched me there because I told him to beat me up?” “Why?” I asked.” “All the kids were telling him to move to another chair just to have fun with him and watch him move all over the classroom every time he sits in a chair and he got mad and I said he was out of control and he said shut up or he will beat me up so I told him to go ahead and he tried and I got this.” “That was so stupid of you, being mean to another student,” I said. “I hope you learned your lesson.” “I would think my kid was stupid and he got what he deserved,” I told Mrs. Peggy. “I’m asking about his mother, not you,” said Mrs. Peggy. “That is how she would feel too,” I said. “Her kid was stupid and he got what he deserved.” “How did he deserve it?” “He was mean to me too and I said I would beat him up if he didn’t shut up so he told me to go ahead,” I said. “How was he being mean to you?” “He said I was out of control, he sided with the other kids who were making fun of me.” “How were they making fun of you?” “Telling me someone is sitting there every time I sat down, they just wanted to watch me move from seat to seat and they didn’t get in trouble for it and you have a rule against bullying. Why are you letting them break that rule?” “It may have been a misunderstanding but you do not do violence in this school. Just because someone told you to do it does not make it okay. Did he fight back?” “No,” I said. “You’re very lucky he didn’t give you a black eye.” Yeah I was lucky the bully didn’t fight back like other bullies would when their victims defend themselves. I pictured my eye being black. The bell rang and I heard kids going to their next classes. “Already lunch time for the sixth, seventh, and eighth graders,” said Mrs. Peggy. I heard the little kids going to the lunch room. I felt my butt again and there was no leaks. “Can I change?” I asked. “Certainly,” said Mrs. Peggy. I got up and grabbed my backpack and went in the private bathroom to change. I took everything off except for my bra. I saw it was starting to turn color so that meant it was dirty and it needed to be washed. I changed and I could feel the rash on my bottom again when I wiped. I saw some cream on the wipe too. I didn’t have any more to put on so I left it alone and didn’t wipe it all off. I put a clean diaper on and put my clothes back on. I washed my hands and left the bathroom and I saw Allie in the health room and she was where I used to keep my diapers and it looked like she had something under her shirt just by how she was holding her chest. She did have a coat on too and it was buttoned up. “What are you doing in here?” I asked. “Nothing,” she said. “I brought your controller to school, it’s in my locker.” “Why are you in here? I don’t keep my diapers in here anymore,” I said. “I know that,” she said. “So why are you here?” “I don’t know, I was just seeing what was here.” “Why do you have your arms like that?” I asked. “This is how I always walk,” she said. “Nuh uh, I have seen you walk and you don’t walk that way.” “It’s how I walk sometimes.” “What are you hiding under there?” “Nothing.” “Prove it.” “Why?” “To see you have nothing under there.” “Why is it your business?” “Because you were stealing my diapers and there are other diapers in here too so I bet you have been stealing those too.” “I did not steal any,” she said. “Then how did one disappear from my backpack at your house? I do count how many I have you know.” “Maybe someone else took it.” I walked up to Allie and started touching her but she pulled away. “See, you do have a diaper under there, you won’t let me feel,” I said “I do not,” she said. She started to walk away but I blocked her way. “Hey,” she said louder. “Then let me see,” I said loudly so Mrs. Peggy can hear me and come in to check on me. “Why are you shouting?” “If you don’t let me see, I will keep talking this loud. If you want to get through, you are going to have to push me out of the way and not have your arms that way.” “You’re so annoying,” she said. “So are you, you were annoying at the mall I am never going with you again.” Then Mrs. Peggy came in. She saw Allie. “What are you doing here?” she asked Allie. “Nothing,” she said. “I think she has a diaper, check her,” I said. Allie shook her head. “She’s paranoid.” “Prove it,” I said. “Allie is there anything you need?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “No,” she said. “Then leave, you have no business being here.” Allie started to leave but I grabbed her again. I tried to reach under her coat but Mrs. Peggy grabbed me. “Natalie, what did I say about not touching other students?” “I want to see if she has a diaper under there,” I said. “She’s the one who’s been stealing mine.” “She’s paranoid,” said Allie. “We’re not friends, you used me,” I said. Allie left the health room. “How do you know she had been stealing your diapers?” Mrs. Peggy asked. “Because I was at her house and I had one less and I didn’t even change twice there so I should have had six left, not five and when I went to change again, there was five left instead of six.” “But how do you know it was her that took it?” “Because she is the only one that comes in here and I have caught her in here before and she said she was looking for a band aid and she was so interested in my medical condition and me wearing them and the fact her mother found a diaper under a bed at her house and they were at my house and the diaper there looked exactly like mine and her mother called my mom to ask her about it and she asked me if I gave one of my diapers to her kids.” Mrs. Peggy went to the cupboard and opened one of the doors and looked at the diapers that were in there. “The kid has plenty left,” she said. “I will keep an eye on them.” “Who wears them?” I asked. “Just a kid in sixth grade but I can’t tell you who or give out any details.” “Why does he wear them? He is not in a wheelchair is he?” I asked. “No one in this school is in a wheelchair.” “Is he retarded?” “No.” “Why does he wear them?” “How do you know it’s a he?” “I don’t. Is it a she?” “I can’t tell you. We are not allowed to give out personal information on other students. All you know is you are not the only one here who wears them.” “Is there anyone else in this school who wears them and they don’t keep them in here?” I asked. “Maybe. Only me and the teachers know about it. We used to have more students keep them in here but they all complained their diapers were being taken so they stopped bringing them in here.” “Wow you really are a dumb blonde,” I said. “Natalia, that is very disrespectful,” Mrs. Peggy said firmly pointing her finger at me. “You do not talk to an adult that way.” “But my mom says you are, you don’t listen and you ignore what parents complain about and the kids too, you think they’re all wrong so you don’t believe them.” “That is enough,” Mrs. Peggy scolded. “You do not talk to me that way, you show respect. I also do not want to hear what your mother says about me behind my back, I don’t like people talking bad about me so I would rather not know about it.” “Diapers have kept disappearing from this room and you never did anything about it,” I said. “I can’t be in this room all the time, I have other stuff to do.” “Put locks on the cupboards.” “Then students wouldn’t be able to get to their supplies.” “They can have a key to it.” “Or they can just keep them in their backpack and bring it in here.” I decided to keep an eye out for kids that come here with their backpack, they might be diaper wearers too. I was hoping to meet others like me who aren’t disabled or too different. “If you don’t want people saying bad things about you, then start listening,” I said. “Natalie, not everyone is going to agree with what I do here or what decisions I make but that doesn’t give anyone the right to say bad things about me but I can’t stop it so I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t know if your mom was making a joke when she said it but I don’t care. It is not appropriate to repeat things to someone you hear about them.” “Then how are they supposed to get better and change their bad behavior?” I asked. “If someone is doing something that is bothering you so much, you tell it to their face, not go behind their back and say mean things about them. You also do not call people names behind their back. You wouldn’t do it to their faces so it’s not nice doing it behind their back. I do not tolerate that here and I tell all my students that when I catch them.” That was a dumb rule. I never understood why it was so wrong to talk about other people when they are not there. My parents do it all the time and so does everyone else. Some people are really weird. Plus I was taught to not say things when the person is in the room and you have to be careful because it might be their family member who you’re talking about. “How many other kids in this school wear them?” I asked. “Just you and a few other kids. There aren’t many here who wear them.” “But how many? Five, ten?” “About five, you’re one of them.” “Why do they all wear them?” “One of them was born with a small bladder so they have to go a lot and can’t always make it, one of them can’t feel when they need to go before it’s too late, one of them has bowel problems due to sexual abuse they suffered from their step father when they were little, and one of them wears for unknown reason. I can’t give you any more information about those students.” “But I wear them too,” I said. “I know that but I still can’t give you any personal information. I also can’t tell them about you. I can’t even say “we have a new student here now and they wear them too” or else they would know.” “So, maybe we will be friends,” I said. “I don’t care if other incontinent kids know.” “It’s up for you to tell them.” “I don’t even know who they are,” I said. “How can I tell them if I don’t know who’s incontinent here?” “I can’t help you there.” Mrs. Peggy really was a dumb blonde. She expects me to tell them but she won’t tell me who they are so how can she say it’s up for me to tell them? “It’s almost time for your lunch so you can stay here until the bell rings again,” said Mrs. Peggy. I walked around the room bored. Mrs. Peggy asked me to sit. I sat down and expected her to come to me again but she never did so I got up and walked around some more. “Natalie, please sit down,” she said again. “Why?” I asked. “You don’t need to be walking around the office, take a seat.” “Why? I am not bothering you or doing anything,” I said. “Sit down.” I sat down. I felt funny sitting down and uncomfortable. I felt better when I was walking. Not too long later I was walking around again when I was told to sit again. I didn’t even realize I was up walking again until she said something about it. I sat back down. I tapped my foot and played with my fingers. I didn’t even know I got up again and walked around again until Mrs. Peggy told me to sit down for the very last time or go to the quiet room. Why did she have a problem with me walking? This time I put my feet around the chair legs to keep myself in it. I was playing in the chair when the bell rang. “You’re excused,” said Mrs. Peggy. I got up and went to lunch carrying my backpack on my back. In the lunch room, some kids asked me where I was this morning because I never went to class. I said I was gone. I didn’t even feel like talking about my day and telling them how I went to Albertsons and got brought back to by a cop. “Where were you this morning? Sick?” “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. But kids kept bugging me and I finally yelled at them to leave me alone. Then I ran from them and went to the back of the line again to get away from them. Luckily they didn’t follow me. I don’t know what I would have done of they kept bothering me, there was no teacher around. I waited in line and the line kept on moving and finally I put in my number and my lunch balance popped up. I still had lot of money left. I got my food and started to head out of the cafeteria. Then a red headed girl with freckles all dressed in black came up to me. “Pssst,” she said. She looked around my age, maybe older. “Over here,” she said waving at me. “Me?” I asked. “Yeah come sit with us, you look like the new kid.” “I can’t, I have to take this back to class and write on the board,” I said. “Come on, just for a few minutes, I have to tell you something.” I just stood there. “Come on to my table,” she said. “But I have to get to my class,” I said again. “What class?” “Mrs. Kink,” I said. “Just for a few minutes and then you can go to your class.” She put her soft arm on me and led me to a table. I walked slowly with her. I noticed three other kids sitting there all dressed in black. One of them was a girl and the others were boys. I sat down at the table and started to eat. “What is your name?” the girl asked. “Uh Natalie,” I said. “Uh Natalie? Hi Uh Natalie.” “No, Natalie.” “Natalie?” “Yes.” “That sounds like a baby’s name, you need a cool name. How about Raven?” “I don’t know.” “It fits you perfect,” said one of the boys. One of them had black hair and the other had darn brown hair. “I’m Lilth,” said the girl. “These are my friends Hecate, Damian, and Ahriman.” Lilth also had black hair. “Weird names,” I said. “We think they’re cool,” said Lilth. “Why?” “They’re awesome.” “I still think they’re weird,” I said. “So we hear you have been having problems in this school,” said Lilth. “We can make it all better for you and easier.” “How?” I asked. I munched on my meatloaf. I love this kind of meat because it’s my favorite, it tastes so sweet and I love the sauce on it. “Well we can have you join our group. We can tell you more about the other kids and it will be our secret. We can tell you about the other groups here kids have formed and what they call them.” “Oh no, there is that weird boy,” said Damian. I saw Jason was coming towards us. “Yeah, he is so dorky and so absent minded. He only talks about video games and his drums. He can’t even hold a conversation and his face is all blank and he never smiles,” said Ahriman. “He is so socially immature,” said Hecate. “Who?” I asked. “That kid there, he is coming,” said Damian. Jason walked up to us and stood by me. “What do you want?” Hecate asked. “I need to talk to her,” Jason replied. “She is with us now,” said Lilth. “I can talk to my friend you punks,” said Jason. “Oooo,” said the kids. “Come on Natalie, take your tray,” said Jason. I got up. “You’re going with him?” said Lilth. “Yeah, he wants to talk to me,” I said. “He’s a dork,” said Ahriman. “You guys suck,” said Jason. “C’mon Natalie.” I took my tray and followed Jason. He took me out of the lunch room. We were now in the hallway. “I thought you were supposed to be in Mrs. Bitch’s class writing on her board,” said Jason. “She wanted to talk to me,” I said. “I wanted to tell you those kids are bad news, stay away from them.” “Why?” I asked. “They’re jerks. If you hang out with them, they will turn you into one of them.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “I don’t know. Pretty soon you will be acting just like them and be a different person.” “We can still be friends,” I said. “You’re not using me are you?” “What? No way. Why would I use you?” “Other kids have,” I said. “Are you just being nice?” “What do you mean?” “Being nice by being my friend and you don’t even like me,” I said. “I like you. What did those kids say to you?” “They said they would make school better for me and easier,” I said. “They also told me they will tell me about other groups kids have here and tell me about other kids and have it be our secret.” “Did they ask you to join their group?” Jason asked. “No,” I said. “Thank god.” “But they did say they can have me join it.” “Damn it.” “What’s wrong with me joining it?” I asked. “If you join them, they won’t let you be with me or with any certain kids. You will be a different person.” “I bet you’re just jealous,” I said. “What do you mean?” said Jason. “You told me how no one has ever invited you before or have you join them or ever want to be your friend and then it happens to me and you want me to not have that just because you never had,” I said. “Fine, be that way,” said Jason. “But if you come to me saying how awful they have become, I will tell you I told you so.” Jason walked away with his tray. I went back in the lunch room and sat with the kids again. “What did he tell you?” Hecate asked. “He told me to stay away from you guys and you were bad news,” I said. “Aw poor boy, he is such a wuss.” “He also said you guys are jerks and you will turn me into one of you.” “He’s just a jealous guy, if he would be less weird, kids will like him more,” said Lilth. “He also said you guys won’t let me be with certain kids,” I said. “He’s just jealous. He doesn’t want you to make normal friends. We tried to make him normal once and he didn’t like it and he ran from our group. He prefers The Loners Club.” “There is a club here called Speds R Us,” said Damian. “They also have the Autistic Geek Club,” said Lilth. “Don’t forget The Aspie Club,” said Damian. “Oh that, they used to be Aspergus and then they decided to change it to The Aspie Club, that name sounds so cutsie we hate it. Can you believe it, they have made being a loner and socially awkward into a condition and being a geek.” “Yeah, what’s next, making stupidity into a condition?” said Ahriman. “Pretty soon everyone will be disabled.” “It’s all about doctors wanting to make money and give people pills for money,” said Hecate. “Are you in any club?” Lilth asked me. “No,” I said. “Well you can be in this one. We call it The Urotsukidoji.” “Are you guys using me too or just being nice?” I asked. “What would we use you for?” Lilth asked. “I don’t know. Kids have always used me. Are you being my friend just to be nice?” Damian put his arm around me. “We all like you,” he said. “Why?” I asked. “What’s there to not like about you?” Lilth asked. “But why do you guys like me?” “You look like someone who can be in our group,” said Damian. “You want to be normal right?” Lilth asked. “Yeah,” I said. “We can help you with that. Then you will be a whole new person. But you may have to do some favors for us before we can succeed.” “Okay,” I said. “What favors?” “Oh anything like doing what we tell you to do. Is there anything you want to know?” “What do you mean?” “Rule number one, never ask too many questions or people will think you’re an idiot and it makes you look stupid and slow so stop asking so many questions.” “But then I am not going to understand then if I can’t ask anything,” I said. “We will help you understand. Okay is there anything in this school you want to know about like about another student or teacher or even the principal?” “Do you know Mrs. Kink, have you ever had her as your sub?” I asked. “Oh her, yes she is a sad old woman.” “She’s not old,” I said. “We could use some humor in this group,” said Ahriman. “She is married, she is an unhappy woman and uses her job here to have power over her students. She uses kids vulnerability to threaten them and make them do what she wants.” “How do you know this?” I asked. “We investigate,” said Damian. “She isn’t really scary as kids make her out to be, they are just pantsies and so gullible. Say weren’t you having troubles with her?” asked Lilth. “Not anymore, she’s fun now,” I said. “You can have more fun with her,” said Lilth. “We can tell you the steps what to do to her. We could even help you get rid of her.” “Cool,” I said. “Wait, why haven’t you guys done it?” “Never felt like it, but you can have all the fun and kids will look at you as their hero and you will be so popular.” I imagined me getting rid of Mrs. Trunchbull and all the kids start liking me and are my friend and I am a normie now because I am finally accepted and treated right I am no longer different. “Cool,” I said again. I then asked them about Jonathon and if they know anything about it. “Yeah he was violent and always hurt teachers and kids,” said Lilth. “It was about time his parents took him out. The day he attacked Mrs. Kink, the police were called and he was taken away and we never saw him in school again.” “That bastard once threw a chair at me,” said Damian. “He always lost his temper,” said Lilth. “He lost it on Mrs. Kink and assaulted her giving her a black eye” They told me more about Jonathon and the things he did. He sounded very dangerous and he was also a pathological liar. He would try and blame other kids and get them into trouble and he would annoy other kids and he liked to pinch or grab and squeeze you or choke you and he threw things and one time he pushed over a desk. He was always in the quiet room. “He needed to be in a strait jacket,” said Hecate. “Good thing he’s gone,” I said. “Yes good thing indeed,” said Damian. “At least Mrs. Kink did something right.” “We all call her Mrs. Bitch but I call her the Trunchbull now,” I said. “That is so immature,” said Lilth. “Not cool. “You call her Mrs. Kink. Calling her by a name because you don’t like her is so-“ “Childish,” said Hecate. “And elementary school,” said Ahriman. “You do want to be mature don’t you?” Lilth asked me. “Sure,” I said. “Good, we can help you with that, every time you are immature, we will let you know so you will stop and be mature and we will tell you what the mature move is to do.” This was so exciting, I had made new friends. I hoped they weren’t using me or just doing it to be nice. I was starting to feel normal now. I could start being a normie now. I was finally being allowed to be one. They talked some more and I really enjoyed these kids. They were so nice to me and Jason was just jealous. Maybe he was jealous because he never found anyone who liked him and accepted him and helped him. They told me they did try helping him but he refused it and pulled away from them. I also told them I found out there are kids in this school who wear diapers and I want to know who those kids are, do they know? They said they could help me with that. Then Hecate asked me why I wanted to know who wears them. I said I was just curious. I didn’t tell them the real reason why. “Hey, what’s in your backpack, why do you have it with you?” Damian asked. “Nothing,” I said. “What do you have in there?” “Nothing,” I said again. “It must be something awesome if you are being secretive about it, c’mon show us, we won’t tell anyone.” My heart started to beat. I knew if I showed them and they saw what I really had in there, they might not like me and tell the whole school and make fun of me. I hate being incontinent and why did I have to bring my backpack to the lunchroom with me instead of putting it in my locker? “Hey let’s all finish our meals before lunch ends instead of worrying what she has in her knapsack,” said Lilth. Everyone agreed and they went to eating. I was so glad this ended because I didn’t have to worry about it and I was hoping they wouldn’t try to see what was in my backpack again. I just sat here because I had eaten up all my food. I am a fast eater and for some reason people prefer to eat slow and talk and not eat. I don’t know why they do that. They will talk and talk and not eat their food and then they will take a couple bites and go back to talking. Why do people do that? Then I heard my real name being called and my last name. It was Mrs. Trunchbull. “You were supposed to come to my classroom,” she scolded. “I will add another day to your punishment. Come with me now and dump your tray.” “Natalia?” Ahriman asked. Then Damian stood up. “It wasn’t her fault Mrs. Kink. We only wanted to talk to her and I it lasted longer than we thought.” “She knew the rule and she disobeyed,” said Mrs. Kink. I got out up and headed to the garbage cans and dumped my tray and put my silverware and tray on the counter for the dishwasher woman to get. Mrs. Trunchbull grabbed a hold of my backpack and took me back to her classroom. She ordered me on the was there about me going to her room every day and writing on the board and skipping it will result in further consequences and she will be checking the lunch room every day now if I am not in there by a certain time. Then we arrived at her classroom. She opened her door and led me in the room. “Take your bag off now,” she ordered. “Backpack,” I corrected. “Take it off,” she shouted. I took it off. “Put it in a chair,” she said. I put it on a random chair which was the desk. “Now start writing. I could just keep you in here longer to make up for how much you missed but I have class to teach.” I went up to the board and started to write remembering what it was. “I will not break wind, talk back, and be a smartass in class.” “Hey, what did you just write on the board?” Mrs. Trunchbull yelled. “This,” I pointed to the words on the board. “What did you write?” she asked again. “This,” I said again. “Stop being smart.” “I’m not.” Mrs. Trunchbull came over to me and pointed to the word ‘ass.’ “This. We do not allow it in school.” “It’s smart ass,” I said. Mrs. Trunchbull picked up the eraser and erased the word leaving smart. “Enough. You never quit do you?” “Quit what?” “This.” “This what?” “Stop it.” “What am I doing?” I asked. “It’s not funny.” Why was she mad? “I do not allow clowning in my class, this isn’t a comedian show, this is school. Now write.” I went back to writing leaving ass out this time. I guess the word was smart, not smartass. Mrs. Trunchbull is so mean and weird. I bet she just likes picking on me so she is acting weird on purpose to mess with me. For some reason I didn’t care anymore I was writing on the board. It was during lunch so how was this supposed to be a punishment? “You’re writing slow, go fast,” said Mrs. Trunchbull. I still wrote the same pace. “Natalia, now!” I looked at the time and saw lunch was almost over. I kept on writing my normal pace. Then Mrs. Trunchbull marched over to me and I wrote faster all of a sudden but she still grabbed my hand. I fought with her. “Don’t you ever learn your lesson? You were good and now you’re disobedient,” she yelled. “Don’t you ever learn yours?” I said. “What did I say about back talk?” I let go of the marker. It fell on the floor and Mrs. Trunchbull had to pick it up. “Okay another day extra,” she said. “I don’t even care anymore if I come in here to be Bart Simpson,” I said. “What is the matter with you?” “I don’t like mean teachers,” I said. “You can keep me in here for the rest of the school year all you like. What are you going to do, keep me in here all day long in all your classes?” “I will just tell your principal about the trouble you are causing.” “Okay.” For some reason I just didn’t care. I knew I wouldn’t be in trouble at home so I didn’t care if I would be at school. “How can you not care?” “I won’t be in trouble at home. My mom thinks you’re horrible and she doesn’t care what I do in this class and she thinks you shouldn’t be a teacher.” “So she does know you act up in this class, you’re both alike.” “No, we’re different,” I said. “Ever heard of how mother and daughter like? The apple doesn’t rot far from the tree. She lets you act this way in class? I bet she was the same way too when she was your age, it wouldn’t surprise me. Get back to the board,” she ordered. “And no more of this monkey business.” “Ooo ooo eee eee ah ah ah,” I said pretending to be a monkey. “Knock it off, enough of this,” Mrs. Trunchbull yelled. I picked up another marker and pretended to be Bart again. Mrs. Trunchbull didn’t tell me to write faster or slower. I bet I taught her a lesson about messing with me. I still tried writing in the straight line and I took my time. Then the bell rang. I put the marker down and grabbed my backpack and left class. I went to my locker and put my backpack in there and took my odor pill and went to the gym. I saw Jason again. “Those kids are nice,” I told him. “I don’t know what your problem is with them. I heard you used to be with them and you left them.” “They tried to change who I was,” he said. “How?” “Telling me what to wear or how to talk and act and who I couldn’t be with, how to walk or sit and stand and what to talk about.” “Why?” “They’re normies.” “Then why are they here? I thought this was a school for kids who are different?” “It’s also for kids who need more help and need a different environment; you don’t need to not be a normie for that.” “I want to be a normie,” I said. “Why?” “Because I want to be normal.” “I used to feel that way too until I realized it wasn’t worth it.” “Why? I want to be treated like everyone else, have friends, not be treated different or discriminated against, I want to have the same rights as everyone else and I don’t like getting picked on.” “You don’t need to be a normie for that,” said Jason. “Black people didn’t need to not be black to get treated equal.” “You can’t make your skin not black,” I said. “But I can make myself normal if people will let me.” “Then you would have to change who you are and change everything about yourself.” “No I will just be treated like everyone else and not get bullied anymore and I will have friends now and be babysitting like normal teens and have a boyfriend and I will no longer be discriminated,” I said. “And you have to change yourself just to get all that,” said Jason. “That’s the way it is with normies, they want you to change for them to accept you and treat you with respect. You just have to find people who will accept you, not try and change you like those kids will. Even if you do find acceptance and get treated with respect and have friends you will still be different, not a normie.” “No that will make me a normie,” I said. “Michael Jackson got his skin highlighted because he had cancer, he is still black.” “He’s white,” I said. “Still black.” “But his skin is white,” I pointed out. “It used to be black and he got it highlighted. He is still black even if he changed his color.” That made no sense. If I dyed my hair brown, I would have brown hair. “That is like saying I have blonde hair if I dyed my hair black,” I said. “You would still be blonde.” “But my hair would be black.” “No it would just be your fake hair color. Face it, you can’t change who you are.” “I can be anything I want,” I said. “I can be mean or be nice or be rude or be a killer, I can be anything.” “Just forget it,” he said and walked away.
Soon class began and we played circle tag. We pulled out the mats and laid them on the gym floor and we all got in a circle and lied down on our bellies. Each of us took a turn running around the circle and we had to lie back in our spot and the next person got up and ran and the first one to get to the empty spot lied down and the next person got up. Two kids ran total. Then I got up and ran. I found this game fun. I was even sweating. I even forgot about my worries about slushing my diaper. Wait that was Allie’s word and using it was reminding me of her and how she stole my diapers and used me so I don’t want to use that word anymore. I forgot about my worries about having a messy accident. I still was hoping it wouldn’t happen now or ever today in school. I knew one pill a day would not keep the smell away. We played the game for about twenty minutes before moving onto the next activity. “Has anyone ever played Traffic Jam?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. Kids raised their hands and some were shouting me me me. “Me me me,” I said copying them. “Is it the one where we walk on the lines and if you get tagged you have to sit down and you can’t go passed anybody who is sitting down on the line?” “Yes,” said Mrs. Jenkins. “Natalie pretty much explained the rules. Two people will be it and the rest of you will try and avoid those people and once they touch you, you have to sit down and the rest cannot pass by you except for the people who are it. Last person standing wins.” Mrs. Jenkins counted us into teams and then she went into her office/storage room and took out two things I am not sure what they are called. One was red and the other was blue and they were both soft like cushion on the end. “Okay who wants to be it?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. Lot of us raised out hands. “Jason and Natalie, how about you two?” “Yay,” I said clapping and jumping up and down. Mrs. Jenkins handed us the things and told us we were both on different teams. Mrs. Jenkins also took out the colored flags for kids to wear, they were red and blue. Each kid put theirs on and one half had red and the other half had blue. Mrs. Jenkins demonstrated the rules by showing how to play the game. She used Kimberly and had her walk on the line and had me tag her and she sat down. Mrs. Jenkins said “Now Kimberly has just been tagged and I cannot pass by her so I have to turn around.” Mrs. Jenkins was also walking on the line and she couldn’t pass by Kimberly so she turned around. “But Natalie here can pass by her.” She had me step over Kimberly and I kept on walking down the line. “We get it,” said Holly. “Don’t keep going on and on.” “Does anyone understand the rules of the game?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. “Yes,” I said and so did some other kids. “Is there anyone who still doesn’t understand how the game is played?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. No one answered. “Okay, I guess everyone understands.” She put each of us into our places and then she said “Get ready, get set, go” and we all started moving. We were all running and I was chasing after each kid I could get to. Mrs. Jenkins would call after some kids who were not playing the game right and one kid left the line when Jason tried tagging him so she made the kid sit down where he ran off the line as if he had been tagged. I did something like that too when I was little and I was also made to sit down where I left the line to avoid getting tagged. It’s like a penalty. Leave the line, you’re automatically tagged. I am guilty of breaking the rules too in some games because I was being a poor sport. I ran after Brett and he ran from me but he tripped over his own pants leg and he fell off the line. I ran up to him fast and touched him with the thing. Brett just sat there and Mrs. Jenkins told him to get on the line. “But this is where I was tagged,” he said. “Get on the line,” Mrs. Jenkins said again. Brett scooted himself over to the line and sat down. Jason didn’t even talk to me at all during class. I figured he was just too busy playing. When class got out, he still didn’t speak to me. In Geography he still didn’t talk to me. I figured he was busy with his work and learning but in drama I tried talking to him this time and he barely said a word. “Are you mad at me?” I asked. “Maybe,” he said. “We can still be friends, just because I am with those kids doesn’t mean we can’t be together,” I said. “No,” he said. “Why not?” I asked. “You would rather pick them over me,” he said. He walked away. Why was he being such a sore loser? I realized he was being selfish, he wanted me all to himself and not have me have anyone else as a friend. Maybe he wasn’t using me. I walked back over to him. “You’re being selfish you know that. You want me all for yourself, I can have more than one friend all I want,” I said. “That’s not the point,” he said. “Those kids are bad news for you.” “What kids?” Bobby asked. “Cody, Trent, Lily, and Ashley,” said Jason. “They call themselves The whatever and gave themselves different names to be cool.” Bobby’s eyed widened. “Those kids are strange. They don’t like anyone.” “At least they like me,” I said. “Until they don’t anymore,” said Jason. “Until they decide you’re not cool or decide you’re a wuss or chicken. It’s either be them or get dumped.” “Why?” I asked. “It’s the way they are.” “But they said they want to help me.” “No they don’t.” “I bet you’re just saying that because you’re jealous,” I said. “Some friend you are.” “Fine,” he said. “Fine,” I said back. I walked away. I hated being in the middle. I didn’t want to pick between Jason and the kids. I wanted both but Jason was making it impossible for me. I realized it was him, not me. He was the one that was making the choice, not me. “Okay class we will need to start working on the set soon so we will need some artists here,” said Mrs. Giland. “Any good artists?” “Only about two kids raised their hands.” “Okay, you two can draw the set,” said Mrs. Giland. I just practiced my lines. I would read them and repeat them over and over and then say it again in my head without looking at it. I had to look at the other lines too so I would know when to say my lines. Other kids were practicing them too in groups and some were working on costumes. Jason had the lead role in the play. He was playing Mr. Banks. At least the role fits him well, the character was a little chubby in the movie and so is Jason so it fits him perfect. “Okay we are going to be needing some props for the play, anyone have any you can bring in? We will need toys for the nursery, some stuffed animals, we need to have two dogs,” said Mrs. Giland. “Can we use real ones?” Amanda asked. “Does it matter what breed it is?” “Does it have to be a little dog?” I asked. “No we can’t use any pets, sorry guys,” said Mrs. Giland. “If you have any clothes you can have us use for the play that would be great. If you have any stuffed dogs that would also be great.” “Can we use a virtual dog?” Lyndon asked. “What’s that?” “It’s a toy dog what moves like a real puppy and it’s computer operated and it acts like a real dog.” “I would need to see it,” “I will bring it in tomorrow.”
When class ended, I headed to my locker. I put my stuff in my backpack. I did it all inside my locker so no one could see what was in my backpack. I was happy to be going home and playing some more GoldenEye and doing the computer. I zipped it up and closed my locker. I headed outside and I saw Allie again. “Where’s my Nintendo 64 controller?” I said. “Promise you will stop being mad at me,” she said. “I just want it back,” I said. “Please.” “Promise me before you get it back,” she said. “I promise,” I lied. I wasn’t going to let her hold my N64 controller as hostage just so she can get what she wants. Allie opened her backpack and took out my N64 controller and handed it to me. I took it from her and walked to my van. “Hey where are you going?” she called. “To my van,” I said. “But we always talk.” “Not anymore.” “You promised.” “You can’t force people to make promises,” I said. “Especially if you try and hold their things as hostage. There is such thing as lying and pretending you know.” I ran to my van and got in. I was so glad I got my controller back. I just played with the joystick on it. “You brought your gaming controller to school?” Gary asked when he saw it. “I left it at someone’s house and she brought it to me here,” I said. I played with the switch on the part where the memory pak goes in or a rumble pak. “Will you stop making that sound, it’s annoying,” said Gary. I kept playing with the switch and Gary yelled again “Quit it Natalie or I am taking it out of your hands.”’ I stopped and played with the buttons instead. “I still hear it,” he said. “I am not even making that sound anymore,” I said. “You’re still making noise with that controller, stop it.” Wow he must have good hearing if he could hear me pressing on the buttons. I played with the joystick. Then Gary grabbed it from my hands. “Hey,” I shouted. “I told you to quit,” he said. I got out of my seat and grabbed him. Gary held the controller away from me and I started to pinch him. “Hey hey hey,” said Sam. “He took my game controller,” I said. “Gary, give it back to her,” he said. “She keeps making noise with it and it’s annoying,” said Gary. “Then tell her to stop,” said Sam. “I did and she kept doing it.” “I was quiet with it,” I said. “Give it back to her now,” Sam ordered. Gary tossed it back at me. I kept it in my hands and pressed on the buttons and moved the joystick around. Gary didn’t say anything else. I made sure it didn’t make any sound. I dangled with the cord too. Soon everyone was in the van and we all waited for the buses and vans to pull out of the parking lot.
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Post by Bad Beth on Jan 1, 2014 8:09:18 GMT
Chapter 28
I came home and took my shoes off and hung up my coat in the closet and leaving my backpack in there.
Mom didn’t say anything to me about me leaving school ground. Maybe the school never called her and told her. She was working on some dusting in the family room. “I need you to pick out some clothes to bring on our trip and get your stuff ready for tomorrow and it better be done before you go to bed or I am going to have to pick them out for you rather you like it or not,” she said. “We are picking you up from school too and leaving from there so anything you want to bring, pack it or else you won’t end up having it on the trip. We won’t be coming back here for it.”
She didn’t even say hi to me or even look at me like all moms do when their kids come home from school and she didn’t even ask me how school was. I was honestly glad she didn’t ask because I didn’t want to talk about it. But she did notice me and right when she did, she told me to pack for tomorrow. Mom and Dad have always packed early before the day we would leave on trips and I used to hate it when Mom would come in my room and pack my stuff for me because I would come home and find stuff missing and she would always show me where she put it. It still bothered me because she messed up my stuff and she didn’t even care and just told me it was all right there in the bag and I couldn’t even play with them if I wanted to play with them because they were packed for the trip. Now I was given my own freedom to do it. She has let me do it since I was eight, she would tell me to pack whatever I want to bring and she will just pack my clothes for me. Actually I have always packed my own stuff as long as I could remember and I was doing it before the car accident but Mom would still decide to start packing and go in my room and do it for me and not even tell me when to do it. Now she tells us and threatens she will do it for us rather we like it or not if we don’t do it and now it’s if we don’t pack it, we won’t have it on the trip and no going back for it.
“Did you get my odor pills?” I asked Mom.
“They were still out,” she said.
Darn it. Luckily I didn’t poop my diaper at school. Maybe I will get lucky again tomorrow.
“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever give people a hard time if they were mean to you or do the opposite of what they tell you?”
“I don’t understand the question, you’re going to have to give me an example.”
“Like today in the van, this boy is mean to me because he treats me different than other kids. They start talking about James Bond and Golden Eye and I start talking about it and Gary gets mean to me about it calling me an Ass Burger-“
“A what?” Mom interrupted.
“Ass Burger, it’s what he calls everyone but he only calls me that in the van.”
“He is saying it wrong. Why does he call everyone that?”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s an ignorant child, he doesn’t even know what it is. Children. Sadly not all of them grow out of their meanness. They turn into adult bullies and ignorant adults.”
“I start talking about James Bond and the game and Gary gets mad at everyone for even mentioning it and gets mad at me for talking about it so I kept on talking about it to piss him off and I talked louder when he covered his ears.”
“I didn’t start doing that until I was in high school. My mother does it too and so do Aunt Elizabeth, Aunt Bridgett, and Uncle Robert, and Ted and Uncle Sam. I learned it from them. I hear lot of people do that and sometimes we’re all tempted to do it but people know when to stop.”
“What about Aunt Caitlin, Jane, and Celeste?”
“I don’t know. They didn’t grow up with me.”
When I was born, they were all fourteen, twelve, and ten when I was born and Mom was already in her late twenties when she had me. That was how far apart Grandma had her kids so they did grow up with her a little bit except Celeste was only a baby so it was only a year Mom still lived at home before moving out and living with Aunt Elizabeth.
“How come you didn’t start until high school?”
“Because I never did it before. You have to remember I was slow so I did everything late and learned everything late. It was a matter of me seeing what Bridgett and my older brothers would do when someone would make them mad and I would hear them say “oh let’s drive by Frank’s and gun our engine and make that sound” because he yelled at them about it one time and they decided to do it more to make him mad or Bridgett telling me to just follow kids around at school if they tell me to go away.”
“What’s gun the engine?” I asked.
“It’s when you put it in full gas. It’s something that race car drivers do when they get ready to race. It makes that loud engine sound. They step on the peddle and keep stepping on it before they even drive off. Some teens do that with their cars.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. But it’s not good for the engine so don’t do it when you start driving.”
“Why is it bad for the engine?”
“It stresses it and wears it out and it can make it burn out. When Dad and I found out Brian was doing that to our car, we wouldn’t let him use any of ours for a while. He sure learned his lesson.”
I had no idea lot of people did what I do. How come I never see anyone else do it?
“If lot of people do it, how come I don’t see them do it?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
Then the laundry room door opened and Matthew walked inside with Skippy on his leash.
“Take your shoes off,” Mom called.
Skippy walked into the kitchen with his leash still on. He went in the hallway. Matthew took off his shoes and coat and dumped them on the floor. He just headed upstairs. He never puts his stuff away so we always have to do it for him. I just left his stuff sitting there. I will just have Mom take care of it.
I heard a sound in the powder room and there was Skippy drinking out of the toilet. “I hope the water is clean in there,” I said.
“What water?” Mom asked.
“In the toilet, Skippy is drinking out of there.”
“Stop him and put water in his doggy bowl,” said Mom.
I went in the bathroom and pulled Skippy out of there. I picked up his doggy bowl and filled it with water and put it on the floor. Skippy started to drink out of it.
“Take the leash off him and hang it up where it belongs,” said Mom.
I took it off and hung it up in the laundry room.
“So did you ever give teachers a hard time when you were a kid?” I asked.
“What?” she asked.
“Did you ever do what lot of people do, giving other people a hard time when they piss them off like what I did with Gary in the car.”
“Sometimes. I remember the time one of my teachers got mad at me and told me to copy a page from the dictionary. I was upset about it and my sister Bridgett told me “Anita, she said she only wanted a copy from the dictionary, I can just take the dictionary to Phillip’s office and make a copy there” so she took it over there and made a copy and brought it back home and handed me the copy from the dictionary and the next day I handed it to the teacher and she was mad.”
“Why?” I asked.
“When she said she wanted a copy from the dictionary, she meant she wanted me to copy everything down by hand from a page and hand it to her, not make a copy of it and hand it to her. But Bridgett found a loophole in her words and did it for me and handed it to me to give back to the teacher. She knew what my teacher meant but she was just trying to help me and I got in more trouble instead.”
“I didn’t know they had copier machines back then,” I said.
“They were different then than they are today and it took longer to do and they were big than they are now,” said Mom.
“How was she trying to help?” I asked.
“Bridgett? She was trying to make it easier for me but all it did was make it worse because my teacher said she wanted two pages now and no copying, pencil only but of course to make up for her mistake, my sister did the homework for me and I handed it in but she knew it wasn’t my work because of the handwriting so she made me do it over in her class during lunch hour and after school.”
“How old were you then?” I asked.
“Fourteen fifteen, just before I met Dad.”
“Why did the teacher get mad at you?”
“I don’t remember. I remember I was doing something in my seat and I did something and she then yelled at me about it and said “Anita, one page from the dictionary” and then after class she told me she wanted a copy of it and she wanted it back tomorrow and I remember I didn’t understand why she was so angry at me or what I did wrong. It was more over something stupid because I wasn’t making any sounds or disrupting class.”
“Didn’t you ask?”
“I didn’t even understand then so how could I have asked? I wasn’t you. Did you ever ask your kindergarten teacher why she was mad at you or what you did wrong? I was frozen in that situation so I had no words. I always froze when I got screamed at or when there was a conflict and I always shut down and teachers would get mad if I didn’t respond or answer them and if it was that bad, I couldn’t even hear a word they were saying, I only heard the screaming so I never knew what I did wrong or learned from it because of the screaming. High school, the toughest years and I wanted to quit but my parents wouldn’t let me.”
I had thought about quitting school but I was told in sixth grade if I quit, it would be harder for me to get a job because they want people who have completed high school. I wonder why education is so important. I don’t even know how to do most of the school work but I can still learn but I can basically teach myself. All I have to do is read. How is it I am able to read books but not be able to do school work at my grade level? Just a reason why I think I am retarded but everyone keeps saying I am not except for kids at my old school. I wonder how I was going to even do college. I doubt I would get over my problem. I thought I would but I never have yet. But maybe that is because of the car accident since Mom and Dad do say that is why I have problems learning.
I played some GoldenEye in the den and watched some TV. I messed my diaper again and kept on watching my show. I felt the mess spread around on my buttock. I knew I was supposed to change or I would lose computer, TV, and video games for one day if I didn’t. But I enjoyed the feeling of the mess and I didn’t want to miss my show. It would have been a lot easier if Mom came in here and changed me and then I wouldn’t miss anything. After I was done watching TV, I went in Kelly’s room to use the computer.
“Hold it,” said Kelly when I entered her room. “Stay right there.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I have an inspection to do.”
Kelly came over to me and sniffed the air. “It smells like you did a doo doo, you’re supposed to change or you lose computer privileges and games and TV,” she said.
“I didn’t want to miss my show so I didn’t change.”
“Change now or you can’t be in here. I don’t want to smell you or have you leak all over my chair miss stinky butt.”
Kids used to call me names about my diapers such as that word or calling me stinky pants or stinky girl or diaper girl. I hated it but it didn’t bother me when Kelly called me that name because she didn’t sound mad about it and she wouldn’t make fun of me. Mom sometimes likes to call me names too about my diapers like stinky girl or say I did a stinky. But now it’s embarrassing. I am fifteen now, not a little baby and I don’t need to be treated as one because of my medical problem. But she doesn’t say them often because she knows it bothers me.
I left her room. I went into my bedroom and grabbed a clean cloth diaper out of the closet and grabbed a pair of plastic pants and took them to the bathroom. I took off all my clothes and took the messy diaper off and used part of it to wipe the mess off my bottom so I wouldn’t have a big of mess to clean up in the tub. I turned on the shower and rinsed myself off. I used soap and scrubbed my skin and I made sure it was all off. Then I rinsed my legs and feet and got out and turned the water off. I dried off and put the cloth diaper on me and plastic pants and got dressed again leaving off the swim suit. I saw the notes and it reminded me to rinse out my diaper in the toilet but I remembered I had a disposable in my hand so I took it out to the garage and threw it away in the trash can where all the diapers go. I saw the Fred Meyer bag Dad carried down the other day and I peeked in there and it was just a purple diaper which wasn’t mine and it was soaking wet. I didn’t even look inside the diaper because I didn’t want to touch it. I could smell the strong urine and poop smell from all the diapers. I put the lid back on and went back inside. I went back to Kelly’s room and she let me on our computer. I turned it on and let it load up. Then I signed onto AOL and went on the browser. I saw we had new mail because it said “You got mail.”
“Don’t open any of my stuff,” said Kelly.
I knew none of it was for me because I don’t have anyone in real life I could talk to and send emails to. Instead of using the phone, Kelly will use email and instant messenger to talk to her friends so she isn’t on the phone tying up the line. But then that means she ties up the internet. She still uses the phone of course and then she gets kicked off if anyone else needs to use it or if Dad is expecting an important phone call. But Matthew and I never need to use it.
I was on IM too and I noticed Allie IMed me. I clicked out of it ignoring her message.
I looked on the Diaper Story’s forum and Allie IMed me again. I still ignored it. I read a chapter to a story and Allie sent me another IM. I finally responded asking “enjoying the diaper?”
Allie responded back with question marks.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know, you know what I’m talking about,” I wrote.
Allie didn’t write another response. I decided to write more.
“I know why you were so interested in my diapers and my incontinence and why you wanted me at your house and why you wanted to know where I kept them and why you were in the office looking for a band aid and then didn’t have one on.”
“No,” Allie wrote.
“Yes. Even your mom called when she found a diaper under your bed and my mom asked me if I gave one of her kids one of my diapers and it looked exactly like mine. Give it up, I know you took mine so quit lying to me.”
“Why do you think I took it?” she asked.
“I already told you, look up.”
Then I wrote more. “Plus one disappeared from my backpack while I was at your house and I do count my diapers. Enjoyed my diaper? If you want more, I can give you my used ones. I don’t need those anymore.”
I saw Allie had already written a message. It said “I don’t know what I did to make you think I took one of yours. Why would I wear them?”
I was getting frustrated with her act.
“I don’t talk to liars,” I wrote. “Bye.”
Then I wrote next “Now you don’t need to ask me about my diapers anymore, you already know what it’s like to wear them and slush and pee in them.”
“I am not lying,” Allie wrote.
I hit the block button.
“You sounded mad,” said Kelly.
“What?” I asked.
“You were talking.”
I didn’t realize I was talking out loud.
“You said something about liars.”
“I thought I had a new friend but she used me just to get diapers from me,” I said. “She keeps denying it and it’s making me mad so I blocked her.”
“Who?” Kelly asked.
“Allie.”
“Kate’s sister?”
“Yes.”
“What did she do?”
“Took some of my diapers.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Because she is one of those people, a diaper wannabe.”
“How do you know she took some?”
“Denise called Mom once when she found one under her bed and Mom asked me if I gave one of my diapers to her kids, I saw Allie in the health room at school and she said she was looking for a band aid, she asked me about my diapers and where I kept them and asked me about my incontinence and what it’s like wearing them, another one disappeared from my backpack when I was at her house and I do count them and they kept disappearing at school until I started keeping them in my locker.”
“Didn’t you tell Mom and Dad?”
“No” I said.
“You should.”
“Why?”
“So they can tell her parents.”
“Why?”
“To get her into trouble. That will be good revenge. Then it will teach her a lesson to not steal any from you.”
“She might just lie to them anyway and they might believe her,” I said.
“But she found one under her bed so she will put two and two together and if the garbage man hasn’t come yet to get their trash, Denise can just look through the trash and find your diaper if she used it or look in her room in every spot to find it if she hadn’t worn it yet. She might find other diapers in there if she had been taking others.”
That was a great idea Kelly had. She was so smart. I could tell Mom and Dad just to get back at Allie and that will teach her to not mess with me. But wait I changed over there so Denise could think it was the diaper I used there too.
“Denise might think it’s mine,” I said. “I changed over there so she could think I changed twice there.”
“So tell them you only changed once there,” said Kelly. “She did find one under her bed so?”
“So?” I asked.
“She will know Allie took one of yours,” Kelly finished. “But when you do tell them, do not tell them you want her to get into trouble. They must not know you are telling them to get her into trouble. Just tell them what Allie did and then they will tell her parents.”
“I know,” I said.
I have gotten other kids in trouble for what they do to me by telling on them and it was always good revenge. Then I would feel much better when I would see them being sent to the office or to the wall at school or see them being screamed at by their parents at home. I also used to do it just to make things fair for me because it was not fair other kids were allowed to break rules and I wasn’t so whenever I saw a kid breaking a rule, I would tell. Mom told me that just makes kids mad and I will be hated even more and even Dad told me that will give me enemies and makes things worse for me at school. Even teachers hate kids telling on others and I bet it’s because they are too lazy to do their jobs so they don’t want to know if a kid is breaking their rule because then they would have to punish them. I know some parents hate it too when their kids tell on their siblings because they also don’t want to do their jobs as a parent by punishing that child so they are better off not knowing what their kid did.
I went back to reading and finished reading the board and went to the incontinent message board. I could smell the food Mom was making. I also went to Shockwave and did a daily jigsaw. I did the edges first like always and then put all the inside pieces aside. It took me about twenty minutes to complete. I don’ know how people can solve them so fast in a few minutes because I have to look for a piece and separate them and move them aside so I can see the pieces and then I have to dig through the pieces to find a piece. My tummy was growling. I couldn’t wait for dinner.
“God I’m starving,” said Kelly. “I hate eating so damn late.”
Kelly left her room. I played a game of bowling on there. I chatted to two of my online friends. I told them about the diaper theft. I told Tazmania85 about it and I told navychick79 about it. Tazmania85 gave me a suggestion I give her my extra diapers when I have any. I told him I need to wear them and I don’t want to run out. He told me since I wear cloth now, I will have so many extras now and it wouldn’t matter if I run out because I have cloth. I told him I didn’t want to go to school in cloth diapers or out in public with them. Navychick79 thought it was awful Allie stole from me and how she used me. She told me how she was used once by these friends in high school and it was only because they wanted her for her to help with their homework and then they were having her do their homework for them so they could get an A. I asked her why did she let them take advantage of her and she said she was a dumb teen and teens will do anything to try and fit in and impress their friends. It’s peer pressure.
I never understood what peer pressure meant.
“What’s peer pressure?” I asked.
“It’s when you feel pressured to do things your peers want and when you want to be like the others so you will do what they do or get what they have so you have it too and that is why parents have to pay close attention to who their friends are and who they are hanging out with because they might get badly influenced by them. Kids and teens will pick up on each other’s behavior and mimic it that is why you see kids acting a certain way when they are with a person and then not act that way when they aren’t around them.”
Wow, I had no idea kids also copied other kids like I do. But I was always in trouble for it and they weren’t. So that would mean I did peer pressure too.
“Was it peer pressure when I wanted a Skip It because the other kids had one?” I typed.
“Perhaps,” Navychick79 replied.
Then she wrote. “I remember those toys when I was in junior High. I don’t see them anymore and I can’t remember when I last saw one.”
“One of my old friends had one and I would play with it sometimes,” I wrote back.
I wondered if Veronica still had it.
“I was never good at it because I could never get it to spin right on my leg and hopping over it and it would always hit my legs,” I wrote.
I remembered the old commercials I used to see on TV back when I was eight or nine and the song would go “Skip It Skip It” and it would show the numbers turning on it that was on the toy and girls in it were playing with them spinning them on their legs and hopping over it with their other foot. I also saw them at school too because kids would bring them to there to play on the playground and they always fascinated me because they always spun and I wanted one so I could watch it spin on my leg.
Tazmania85 sent me a message again. I clicked on it and Kelly came back with a bag of chips.
“Hey you’re not supposed to have snacks,” I said.
“Mom said I could have them, we don’t eat them for lunch, dinner, or breakfast.”
“See she does care about you,” I said.
“She only gave me these just to get rid of them,” said Kelly. “You know Mom. She never does things for us, it’s always for her own reasons.”
“So, don’t we all do them for our own reasons?” I said.
“We also do it for other people because we care about them and love them.”
“That’s what Mom does,” I said.
“No she doesn’t, ever notice she only does it when it only affects her or if it’s something she wants?”
“No,” I said.
“You’re oblivious.”
“At least she let you have a snack before dinner so that is good enough,” I said.
“Forget it,” said Kelly.
I read tazmania85’s IM.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” it read.
I typed “My sister is so weird.”
“Why?” Tazmania85 wrote.
I began typing. “My sister was starving so our mom let her have chips and I said see she cares about her and she said she only gave her them to get rid of them and she said she never does stuff for us and it’s always for her own reasons. I said don’t we all do them for our own reasons and she said we also do it for other people because we care and love them an I said that is what mom does. She said she only does it if it’s going to affect her or if it’s something she wants and I said her letting her have a snack is good enough and she told me to forget it. She is really weird and nothing is ever good enough for her.”
I hit enter to send the message.
“It is selfish to do things just for you instead of for the person you care about,” he wrote.
“I know, my mom does things for us,” I wrote.
Tazmania85: I meant it is selfish if she is doing things for you guys just for herself and it’s not about you kids and it’s only about her
InconteintNatalie: im confused
Tazmania85: Okay I will use an example from a movie, As Good As It Gets. Jack Nickelson liked things to be the same in the movie. He always ate at the same restaurant and sat in the same spot and had his food a certain way and he preferred Helen Hunt the waitress.
Tazmania85: One day she isn’t there and he gets upset when a different waiter serves him and he gets kicked out after his outburst. He goes to her home and finds her son is sick so she wouldn’t be at work until he is better
Tazmania85: So he helps her son get better. Thoughtful isn’t it?
IncontinentNatalie: yes
Tazmania85: wait
Tazmania85: he is helping her son so he will be well again but he didn’t even care about him at all, he was just doing it so she could return to work and things are back to normal for him at the restaurant. He wasn’t helping her son just so he will feel well and be better, he was doing it for himself so he can have his waitress back. He didn’t like change so he did something about it so it will be the way it was before
Tazmania85: do you get it?
I read the message again and wrote “At least he did help him get better and she could go back to work and make money again to pay for her house and bills and support her son and herself. “
“Never mind,” Tazmania85 wrote.
I read more adult baby stuff and I found a website and I read a story and it was about a seven year old old boy living in an orphanage and he always got in trouble for wetting the bed or for having any accidents like dropping stuff or spilling a glass of milk. Then these two people com and adopt him. Then when they do take him home, he spills something and is expecting a punishment but it doesn’t happen and he gets confused. Then the story ended with him being at their house and there was no diapers yet. It was just incomplete.
I got up and left Kelly’s room and headed downstairs. Mom was in the kitchen working.
“Mom, do you remember when Denise found a diaper under Allie’s bed?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“She took it from me,” I said.
“Why did you lie?” she asked.
“No I didn’t know then, I just found out she did it, she was taking some from me in school from the health room and I told Mrs. Peggy and she wouldn’t believe me. Then she did it when I was at her house. She was using me.”
“Those silly blondes,” said Mom.
“Why silly?” I asked.
“The principal didn’t believe you when you told her and Allie kept taking them from you, how did you find out she was doing it?”
“I saw her in the health room one time and she said she was looking for a band aid, she was so curious about my medical condition and asked what it was like to wear them and she asked where I kept them and she took one from my backpack while I was at her house because I had one less in there when I had to change.”
Mom didn’t say anything else. Then she said “Why would she want your diapers for?”
“To wear,” I said.
“Why would she want to wear them?”
“She is a diaper wannabe.”
“A what?”
“A diaper wannabe,” I said again.
“What is that?”
“Someone who wants to wear diapers.”
“Why would she want to wear them, dos she have a problem or is she too lazy to go to the bathroom?”
“Lazy,” I said. “She even told me how much she hates taking potty breaks and looking for a bathroom in public so she always holds it. It’s funny, I hate taking changing breaks, some people hate taking potty breaks but they are so much quicker than changing a diaper.”
“Did you tell her parents she took one of your diapers?” Mom asked.
“No,” I said.
“You can call her now and tell her. She could be taking other diapers at your school if there are any.”
“There are,” I said. “And I caught her again today and this time she was taking another kid’s diaper and I knew she had one under her shirt and Mrs. Peggy refused to check her and have her take out what she was hiding under there and she even said other kids used to keep their diapers in there but they were complaining about them disappearing so they started keeping them with them in their lockers.”
“Oh god,” said Mom. “So she has been informed before about diapers disappearing and she never did anything about it?”
“She said she is too busy and she won’t put locks on any cupboards.”
“And she refused to check Allie when you caught her? Did she catch her?”
“She was in the health room and Mrs. Peggy came in and I was there and she refused to make Allie show her what she had under her clothes.”
“She really is an idiot,” said Mom.
“A dumb blonde,” I said.
“I think I don’t like your new principal either. Her dumbness makes me feel nauseous inside. That’s how much they annoy me. They make me sick.”
I laughed. Stupid people never make me sick. I just like calling them dumb blondes and joking about them having blonde hair and they must dye it another color because it’s not blonde and joking about how they took the wrong gene and they were meant to be blonde but ended up with the wrong hair color instead.
“The phone number for Denise is in the phone book I believe,” said Mom.
I looked for the phone book. Dad always keeps in it a drawer at the computer desk. I took it out and looked for it. He had a bunch of people in there and their phone numbers but not all of them had an address. I even saw one scribbled out and it was very dark scribbling. Most of it was family and I noticed some numbers belonged to his parents and to his brothers and they all had London area codes and the code to dial their country. It was a lot of numbers there to dial and we only have to dial seven numbers or ten. Locally we only need to dial seven numbers but to call another town we have to dial our area code and then the number. To call a place in Portland, we have to dial the one and then the area code and then the number and it makes it eleven numbers to dial. Dad had every single number written down to call his home county. I know it’s expensive so I never call them. I noticed the 0171 was crossed out and 020 were written in. That is because London changed their area code.
I kept looking for Denise’s number. I felt nervous calling her. I just put the book away and closed the drawer and walked away. I wonder why Mom wouldn’t do it for me. Why did she want me to tell her myself? I went back upstairs to Kelly’s room and got back on the computer.
“Did you tell Mom?” Kelly asked.
“Yes,” I said.
‘What did she say?”
“She told me to tell her parents but I am scared to.”
“What’s there to be scared of?”
“I’m shy,” I said.
“Shy? What’s there to be shy about telling them Allie has been taking your diapers?”
“I don’t know, I am just shy and it makes me nervous.”
I have always been shy, I don’t know why.
Soon Mom got Dad from town and she brought him home. Dinner was all ready and I came running downstairs because I was starving. Dad was taking off is coat and he hung it up in the closest and went in the powder room. Skippy was outside standing right by the patio door. I saw my cat sitting on the ledge right by the fireplace. Dad came out of the bathroom and I heard the toilet running. I felt the back for leaks and there was none. Mom finished putting food on the table. We all had to grab our own plates and silverware and cups. Dad set a special plate out for Matthew and put his silverware and special cup in his spot.
Mom went upstairs to get Matthew while the rest of us sat at the table. I don’t know how long we had to wait for but Mom finally came down carrying some of Matthew’s toys and Matthew came down after her. Mom set his toys on the kitchen counter.
“What is that?” Dad asked.
“Toys,” she said.
“Why are they down here?”
“He was playing with them and I took them from him so he would come down.”
“Matthew is so selfish he has to keep us all waiting,” said Kelly.
“Yeah how hard is it to come on down when you’re starving?” I said.
“How hard is it to change your diaper when you need it?” Kelly asked me.
“I am starving,” said Matthew.
“So why do you take so long to get down here?” I said.
“I don’t know.”
“Stop it,” I said.
“Kids, enough arguing,” said Dad. “Matthew, sit down in your seat and no talking about your dinosaurs again or space or numbers.”
Skippy barked outside and Matthew ran to the door.
“Leave him out there,” said Mom.
“He wants to come inside, he is wagging his tail, I bet he is hungry too,” said Matthew.
“We’ll put food out there for him.”
“No, would you want to want your food outside in this cold weather?”
“He’s a dog,” said Dad. “Besides I don’t want his muddy paw prints all over my kitchen floor.”
Skippy barked again and whimpered and put his paw on the door.
“He wants to come inside,” Matthew cried. Dad got out of his chair again and went in the laundry room. He opened the door and called for him. Skippy ran down the stairs on the deck and ran to the door and came in the laundry room.
“Stay,” said Dad. “Stay.”
He closed the laundry room door and put his doggy food in there and sat back down. “There, now that is taken care of.”
“I wouldn’t want to eat my food in there,” said Matthew.
“He’s a dog,” said Dad. “They lick their butts, sleep on the floor, eat off the ground, go outside to go potty, and of course it doesn’t matter where they eat their food, they don’t eat at the table like we do or eat on plates or drink out of cups. They will even drink out of a toilet if they are that thirsty and have no water in their dish. I could have gotten rid of him too to save money but I didn’t because this is all temporary until it’s all paid off and he doesn’t go to the vet often and he only eats once a day.”
Matthew was being so silly, he was acting like Skippy was human and should be treated like us. We will mind as well put clothes on him and expect him to go to school or do chores with us or have him play video games with us.
“They also don’t go to school or do chores or play video games,” I said
“They go to doggy school,” said Matthew.
“But they don’t go to normal school like us,” I said.
“Neither do you, you go to a special needs school.”
“I do not,” I said.
“Enough,” said Dad. “No fighting at the table.”
Did I really go to a school for special needs? They all looked normal there.
“Do I really go to a special needs school?” I asked.
“I would say so yeah,” said Dad. “Or you can see it as an alternative school or a special school for kids who need a better education and were having troubles in mainstream.”
I started to eat my food. I felt my diaper getting wet again. I kept on chewing my food. I bounced my legs. So I was going to a special needs school, I felt even more broken.
“So kids the plans for tomorrow is Mum will pick me up and at Gateway Transit Center in Portland,” said Dad. “Then we will be heading out of town. You guys will be leaving when Natalie’s school ends and Mum will pick her up from there and then drive down to Portland and get me.”
“Is Brian coming?” I asked.
“No,” said Kelly.
“Like she said,” said Dad. “So it will just be us five.”
“Why isn’t Brian coming?” I asked.
“He is going over to Denise’s house for Thanksgiving,” said Kelly.
“Why?”
“He just wants to go over there because he has to work the next day,” said Dad.
“We’re staying at Aunt Bridgett’s are we?” Kelly asked.
“Yes we are,” said Mom.
“Darn it.”
“She will have a mop and broom ready if it’s not clean enough.”
“I hope all you kids packed,” said Dad.
Oh no, I had forgotten. I will do it after dinner or before going to bed.
“What are our pets?” Kelly asked.
“The cats are staying here, they will stay in the garage with the food and litter box and we will leave the garage door open big enough for them to get out,” said Mom. “They can catch mice and we will leave out some bowls of cat food and Skippy is coming with us.”
Matthew clapped.
Skippy has gone on trips with us but we have always left our cats here. He loves riding in the car but we always have to stop to walk him when he gets restless. It doesn’t take long to walk him. We walk him whenever we stop so he won’t get restless.
“We’re saving money on the kennel,” said Dad.
“And on cat sitters,” said Kelly.
“When will we be back?” I asked.
“Saturday,” said Mom.
“You said Friday,” said Matthew.
“We decided Saturday,” said Dad. “Since I am not driving, it will be better on your mother.”
Matthew got upset again because the plan changed for what day we were coming back. I didn’t even care. I would have been more upset if we were on the trip and we decided to stay until Sunday or leave a day earlier. I should have waited until after dinner to ask when Matthew wasn’t around.
“Matthew, stop crying,” said Dad.
He kept on crying. Mom covered her ears and rocked back and forth. Kelly covered her ears too. “Just have him leave the table will you, I can’t stand this,” she said.
“Matthew go to your room and cry,” said Dad.
Matthew just stayed put and kept on crying and hitting his head on the table. Dad got out of his chair and pulled him out of his chair and he tried to fight him off but Dad just grabbed him and held him as he pulled him out of the kitchen. Then he picked him up when Matthew was trying to pinch him and he carried him upstairs. The crying faded. Mom uncovered her ears. Kelly did too and went back to eating.
Dad came back down. “Okay I took care of it.”
“Thank you,” said Mom.
“Why is it a bad thing to have dogs drinking out of toilets?” I asked.
“What?” Dad asked. “Where is that coming from?”
“Skippy was drinking out of the toilet today and Mom made me stop him,” I said.
“Because it’s gross and people pee in there and poop and I did a big one in it this morning. Five days of poop. That was the last time I had a bowel movement before after feeling constipated for a few days and it finally came out,” Mom replied.
I laughed. I pictured Mom having a big pile of poop in the toilet before flushing it.
“Ew gross, I can’t even eat anymore,” said Kelly pushing her plate away.
“How big was it?” I asked.
“It was a big one,” said Mom. “It was a long one and I pushed it out so hard there was blood on it and I pushed more out and I made a pile of it in there.”
“Mom gross,” Kelly said again.
I was laughing at the story.
“It’s not funny, this is disgusting,” said Kelly. “Will you stop talking about bathroom habits at the table, jeez?” she said to Mom.
“Did it clog the toilet?” I asked.
“Natalie,” Kelly shouted.
“Yes,” said Mom.
I got out of my chair and looked in the toilet and there was no poop and no traces of it.
“Where’s the poop?” I asked.
“It went down,” said Mom.
“Shut up,” Kelly shouted. “Why do you all have to always discuss gross things at the table?”
“Enough of the bathroom talk,” said Dad. “It’s grossing your sister out.”
“Dad why do you let them do that?” Kelly asked him.
“I am not your mum’s mother and you’re the only one who has ever been bothered by this talk. It never bothered Brian but it must be a boy’s thing and my brothers used to do bathroom humor at the table. Must be a boy thing.”
“Mom and Natalie are not boys,” said Kelly.
“Mum isn’t a typical woman is she? But at least she isn’t as expensive as lot of other women. I have heard men at work say how expensive their wives are and I say mine is inexpensive, she won’t wear makeup ad doesn’t understand fashion to she never buys new clothes and she never does her hair or need to have lot of shoes or need to get her hair done except have it cut short and that isn’t very much.”
Then phone rang and we let the answering machine get it. “Hello you have reached the Evans, please leave a message and we’ll get back to you, beep.”
“Hey Glen this is Loretta Peggy calling, Natalie’s school principal and I need to talk to you something important about an incident in school today so call back at 555-3941. Thank you.”
“What happened?” Mom asked.
“Kids are mean there and the principal sides against them,” I said.
“I am surprised she even called you only instead of me,” said Mom to Dad
Dad didn’t say anything to her.
“I will discuss with you later after I talk to your principal,” Dad said to me.
“Has Natalie been getting into more trouble ever since she started her new school or am I just imagining it?” Kelly asked.
“It’s just a teacher she has that shouldn’t even be teaching in education,” said Mom.
“Man and I am the only one different in this family but yet Natalie gets into lot of trouble outside this home and I never do,” said Kelly.
“Let’s not discuss this now,” said Dad. “This is something for mother and me to deal with, not you or Matthew.”
We ate and after dinner Dad called Mrs. Peggy back. I overheard him talk on the phone.
“Hi this is Glen calling, you wanted to talk to me only?...I see. She gets that way when people don’t share her view and don’t agree with her so I try and handle these things instead but I am not always around to do it so she does it.” Dad was silent and then he said. “She did what?...oh my god….she punched another student in class?”
I never punched anyone, what was she talking about?
“I see….no there is no abuse. The kids are well taken care of, they have a roof over their heads, they are fed and cleaned, have good clothes to wear and shoes, our daughter is just having a problem. She was picked on at her old school, she got kicked out, the principal didn’t want to help her, she has been in counseling before.” Then there was a pause and Dad said again “they do fine with her, in fact our youngest daughter is in counseling….you think Natalie should see one too? Uh huh…..yeah.”
Dad was silent and then he started talking again “Yes maybe her seeing one again will help….maybe I will squeeze her in with the same one her sister sees. She also helps kids with mental problems instead of just normal teens with normal issues….no I meant learning disabilities or depression.”
Dad talked more and it was all about me. I heard him mention something about impulse issues and saying “She gets very impulsive when she is very excited or upset, it’s in her IEP…I’m aware of that. She has never been in trouble with the law or ever done anything so dangerous it could have harmed her or anyone else but she has put my car in gear and had it roll off our driveway and into the neighbor’s yard if you count that as dangerous…. she only did it a few times before we caught her and we yelled at her about it and she never did it again. She once rolled my car into a ditch and we had to pull it out but there was no damage…no she has never done anything like that since seventh grade.” He talked a little more and then he hung up. He called Mom’s name. “You told Natalie she didn’t have to go to her class?” he shouted.
I heard Mom saying back. “Yes I did. If she can’t get out of that class, she doesn’t have to be in there.”
“And you never talked to me about it first?”
“You wouldn’t have listened. You would have just sided with the school like you did before.”
“I talked to her principal and she said she cut school and ran away from school property this time and a police officer brought her back, she punched a kid in her math class, she had an outburst and got very upset, she is falling apart. I don’t know what we are going to do with her,” I heard Dad saying to Mom. “She keeps getting into trouble. I thought her going to this school would be good for her but she is getting into trouble there too and is still unhappy.”
“She does seems to have changed but I think it’s the teacher,” said Mom.
“I think we have done it again Anita. We always ignore problems until they get bad and she has been having problems all along and we didn’t even notice until now so I doubt her teacher has anything to do with this.”
“She’s making them worse. If we could get her out of there, then she wouldn’t be this bad.”
“Then it would be something else that would be making it this bad.”
“I just wish she stop getting into trouble. I am worried about her future. If this keeps up, pretty soon she will be a delinquent,” said Mom. “But I don’t want her in that class or it might happen.”
“Let’s hope not,” said Dad. “I suggest we put her into therapy again. We’ll have her see the same therapist Kelly is seeing and she will help her with her issues. She will also be seeing one in school too so it will be double therapy for her.”
They kept on talking and I realized just by what they were saying I was a problem to this whole family and I overheard Dad say pretty soon I will quit school before they know it and he didn’t know what to do with me. I went upstairs to take my shower. I felt bad. I brought a clean diaper with me to the bathroom and got undressed. I noticed the notes Mom had left on the wall in the bathroom. It was about rinsing out my diapers and cleaning up my mess and to put the diaper in the sink. There was even a note that said to rinse the poop off the diaper in the toilet and flush it and wipe up any mess I left. I turned the water on and took my diaper and plastic pants off and got in.
After my shower, I got out and dried off and put a clean diaper on and my plastic pants. I brushed my teeth and then wrapped a towel around me and took my diaper downstairs and stuck it in the laundry sink. I went back upstairs.
I thought about what Veronica said to me and what my parents just said. I was a bad kid and I was causing problems in this family because I can’t stop being different. People were never going to be nice to me and will always side against me. It will always be my fault people are mean to me and I won’t be allowed to defend myself. If I was bad, maybe I deserved all this. I didn’t even want to live. I wished I were never born. I wished I had died at birth but no I just had to be lucky and lived. Even I was having bad luck at birth. Getting stuck and getting sick, getting nearly choked to death, being caught in a fire, having a mean kindergarten teacher, getting in a car accident and getting incontinence from it and some learning problems with it, losing friends, not being allowed in houses, hating daycare and I could never be good there and I hated baby sitters too and I was sent to my room a lot and I hated being left with people who weren’t my parents so I was always in trouble too when they were away, being targeted for bullying, being treated different, getting arrested and I didn’t do anything wrong, now I have a mean teacher again and the teachers and principal being against me. This was never going to end. Why did it have to be me instead of someone else? What if I was born bad and I was meant to be a mean person? What if I was meant to be like Cruella De Vil? What if I was meant to be like Miss Trunchbull (the movie character, not my teacher) what if I am meant to be like Mrs. Trunchbull at school? Maybe I will always be a bad person no matter how good I am. I remembered what Jason told me in gym today. What if he is right and you can’t change who you are? What if a rude person is meant to be rude so if they stopped being rude, they are still rude people even if they aren’t rude. Why did I have to be a bad person instead of a good one?
I cried and I lied in bed. Dad came in my room to talk to me. “I talked to your principal,” he said. “What is going on at school?”
“You wouldn’t believe me,” I said.
“Just tell me and I promise I will listen.”
I started to tell him. I also told him about the incident in Math and I did not punch Matt, I hit him and pinched him because he told me to go ahead. “Everyone will always be against me and side with the bad guys,” I said.
“So that’s how it feels for you,” he said. “I set up some counseling for you and will call Kelly’s doctor tomorrow so you will start seeing her too and you will have someone to talk to about all the problems you are having and they will help you work it out. But don’t cut class again or leave the school. Why did you do that?”
“Mom said I didn’t have to go and the principal was against me so I left,” I said.
“Why is she against you?”
“I don’t know. Everyone is always against me, I am not allowed to defend myself and kids are allowed to pick on me. I must have different written all over me and it’s a message to everyone to pick on me and treat me different. I wish I had never been born, you should have let me died at birth.”
“Natalie, don’t talk that way about yourself,” said Dad.
I didn’t know what else to say. I just wished I wasn’t here and had never been born. “You guys would have been better off without me,” I said.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I am a problem for all of you. I heard you talking.”
“We’re your parents, it’s our job to help you and we have never seen it as you ruining our lives. All kids change their parents lives, it’s part of being a parent.”
“But you said you didn’t even know what to do with me,” I said.
“I am sure all parents feel that way sometimes about their child. You keep getting into trouble is all. You have gotten kicked out of school, gotten arrested, cut class, ran from school, hit a kid in class, getting into fights with other kids in the hall, what’s going on here?”
“I hate my English teacher and kids are allowed to be mean to me at school,” I said. “I just want to be left alone and be safe and not have people side against me. How hard is that? I just want to be treated normal, not different, is that difficult?”
Dad sighed.
“We will try and get through this,” he said.
I bet things would just get worse for me. Bad things will always happen to me.
“You haven’t started packing yet,” said Dad.
“I don’t care,” I said.
“You have until tomorrow and you have school, would you rather do all this before school and it’s getting late.”
“I don’t care,” I said louder.
“Alright but don’t get upset if your mother didn’t pack what you wanted to bring because we are not coming back here for it,” and Dad left my room and I sat in bed crying. I was too upset to even care about packing.
My room still had the peeled off wallpaper and the drawings Mom and I did and the furniture was still away from the wall. I wasn’t sure when we were going to paint it but all the peeled paper was gone and so was the ladder and bucket and scraper.
I heard Mom and Dad talking again and it sounded like another fight but they weren’t screaming. I knew they were talking about me.
“Fine do what you want, I don’t care, if it makes you feel any better but I hope I don’t hear from authority,” said Dad.
All the thoughts swarmed around in my head about how bad I am. Even Kelly hated me. She would be better off without me too and I bet she would be so happy if I died. Then I would stop ruining her life. I remembered her nasty letter she wrote about me. Then it would be less weirdos to deal with. She would get her wish too. It would be caring and unselfish thing of me if I went out and killed myself by jumping in front of a car. Then Mom and Dad wouldn’t have to spend any more money on me and they would have less money to spend and it would help Dad out too with his costs he has to pay for his drinking and driving.
I got up and got dressed. I took my pajamas off and put on my regular clothes. I brushed my hair and went downstairs and got my coat on. Everyone was in their rooms and Skippy was sleeping in front of the fireplace in the family room on his doggy bed. He heard me and got up and looked at me. I didn’t bother grabbing my diapers because I just didn’t care. Maybe someone will come and abduct me and kill me somewhere or just keep me and I never come back. I put my shoes on and went outside. I had my hat and gloves with me. The ground was dry because it hadn’t rained. I walked out of the neighborhood. Maybe I will get hit by a car. I walked to the main road and walked along side it. I just kept on walking and cars drove by me. I headed away from Saltwater because I was going the other direction. It was very dark out here and only the moon lit up the sky. I was surrounded by trees. There weren’t many cars on the road. Every time a car would come, I would chicken out and move further off the road and into the tall grass. My biggest fear was feeling pain and surviving and ending up in a wheelchair for the rest of my life not being able to do anything. I would not want to live the rest of my life that way. That would be bad luck if that happened and I would have no way of killing myself then and would have to hope someone does it for me.
My hands were freezing and so was my legs but I didn’t care. My legs were also starting to get sore from all that walking. By car it’s not very far but by legs it’s far. I did see lights from homes that were along the side of the road. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to turn around and go home. After all my home was warm and all my stuff was there and my diapers and food and warm water but it would be selfish of me to go back. My family’s life would be easier without me and Kelly would be so much happier without me. She would be happy I was gone. I wondered if I should wait until her birthday to take off and that would be her birthday present from me and I could leave her a note telling her happy birthday and I am out of her life now so I ran away and won’t come back hoping someone will take me or kill me and that is my birthday present to her so she will be happier and I will stop ruining her life. Now I was thinking if I should turn back and wait until her birthday to do it but I hated my life so much I just didn’t want to live anymore and can I make my family miserable longer until her birthday? Or I can give her an early birthday present but I left her no note. I just kept on walking. Maybe I will write one later and leave it and the police will find it and give it to my family as evidence.
Soon I made it to an intersection. It was just the end of the road and it connected to another road that came by so it was three way instead of four way. Few cars passed by me without hitting me. The other road was wider and I walked on that.
I am not sure how long I walked for but I took a rest by standing. My legs were hurting from all that walking and they felt stiff. My diaper was wet. I warmed it up with my accident. I knew it would get cold again soon and then get warm again and then cold and then it will be uncomfortable from all that pee and what am I going to do with I slush I mean poop in it? I also felt the rash again. Then some other car drove by and this time it stopped. Someone got out and I heard the man’s voice.
“Hello, you need any help?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”
He came over to me and it was a young man. He looked to be in his twenties or thirties. I couldn’t tell. He had his car on and his headlights so I was able to see more clearly.
“How old are you?”
“Fifteen,” I said.
“Fifteen? Where do you live?”
“Saltwater.”
“What are you doing all the way over here?”
“I ran away from home because my family will be better off without me.”
“It’s cold out here, get in my car and you can warm up and have some hot cocoa at my house.”
I got in his car hoping he will be someone dangerous who takes me and I never return. I just didn’t care anymore and didn’t feel like living.
The man put his seat belt on and started driving again. He told me to put mine on so I did. He introduced himself as Jerold Weight.
“Luckily I don’t live far from here,” he said. “What is your name?”
“Natalie,” I said.
“Natalie what?”
“Evans.”
Evans,” he repeated. “And you live in Saltwater?”
“Yes.”
“So you go to high school there?”
“I used to.”
“Where do you go now?”
“To Vancouver?”
“Where is that at?”
“South of us right next to Portland across the Columbia River.”
Why a stupid question I wondered. Who wouldn’t know Vancouver existed. It’s such a big town in the whole area in Washington it’s now over 100,000 people instead of 46,000. The city had grown a lot in ten years.
“Oh the city, I thought you meant school. Why all the way there?”
“It’s where my new school is.”
“Why do you go there?”
“My parents said it would be a good school for me but it sucks because of mean kids there and the principal siding against me and the teachers too.”
“What grade are you in?”
“Tenth.”
“Tenth? Only two more years to go and then you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
“There is college and work,” I said.
“It gets better when you are done with school. People are more mature and being a teen sucks because it’s tough being one. You think everyone is out to get you.”
“It’s not like that for everyone else,” I said. “I don’t see anyone else being treated like me.”
“Oh I am sure they do and you just don’t know it because you only see it in yourself.”
I wasn’t sure how I was going to get him to understand how different I really am. I don’t see anyone else being bullied or being sided against when other kids do something wrong and people have always treated me different so why would I think it will all go away when I am done with high school? What if my life does turn into my mother’s? She also said people go after Anitas too when I said people treat me different because I’m Natalie and people go after me because of it. I wonder if it’s a family trait I have and I had to be the one with it and it couldn’t be Kelly or Brian. But yet I don’t see other Natalie’s out there being treated like me. I have only seen a few Natalies in my life, about three of them but the Natalie in the Baby Sitters Little Sister books has a lisp and droopy socks but no one makes fun of her in it and treats her bad like kids and teachers do with me. She is one of the characters in Karen’s class at her school. Then I was surprised it was also the name of Mrs. Barrett the client whom the baby sitter members watch her kids but she was disorganized in the books and the worst in Dawn and the Impossible Three so Dawn was basically being the parent and she decided she couldn’t baby sit her kids anymore. Is it a coincidence Natalies have some bad luck or is it the name that is a curse so it gives us bad luck, especially in books so the authors give them that name and make them have a problem? But my mom’s name is Anita and she has bad luck too but the Anita in the movie didn’t have bad luck except she got fired for not selling her puppies and I never seen any other Anitas except in movies or in the game Guess Who?. Oh wait the Natalie in Mrs. Doubtfire didn’t have bad luck and she had the same name as me except her parents divorced but that can happen to any kid. No one ever treated her bad in it. Maybe any name I have I would still have bad luck and Natalie has nothing to do with it.
Jerold drove a few miles and then he pulled up to his house. “This is my home,” he said.
I saw his house and it looked like it was built around in the seventies or sixties.
“How old is this house?” I asked.
“It was built in 1979.”
The house was one story and we got out and he took me in his house. He showed me around and offered me hot cocoa. I sat in the family room and waited and he served it to me. He offered me TV to watch or computer to mess on or video games to play. I saw he had a Dreamcast. I looked at the games and it was none I liked. “Do you have Sonic?” I asked.
“No I don’t,” he said.
I just sat down in the chair again and kept sipping at my cocoa. Jerold went in one of the bedrooms. I could hear him talking on the phone as I sipped my cocoa and felt my diaper getting warm again. Then he came out and sat down and we watched some TV. We watched Vault Disney. Zorro was playing. I never liked that show. When it ended, The Mickey Mouse Club was on next. Jerold would tap his foot and bounce his legs and sometimes get up and walk around. I was very tired and felt I couldn’t keep my eyes open so I closed them.
Soon I heard a knock at the door and I heard Jerold answering it. I heard another guy talking and then Jerold talking. I opened my eyes and saw it was a police officer. Jerold pointed at me. “She is right there.”
The officer walked over to me. I kept my eyes closed and he shook me awake. I opened my eyes. I was hoping he would arrest me and take me to jail and this time I wouldn’t care.
“Ma’am, I am officer Brown and I am here to take you home.”
Home?
I was too tired to even fight it and to even run away again. At least I will be able to sleep comfortably in my own bed.
“Come out to my car,” said Officer Brown.
I got up and walked outside. He thanked Jerold for calling them and said he had dealt with runaway teens before and he ran away from home a few times in his teens back in the 1960’s.
The 1960’s, now I knew he was that old, older than my parents. He did look like an old man, I don’t mean elderly old. He had a brown mustache too.
Officer Brown led me to his car and I saw he was the county police. He took me in his car and put me in the back and closed the door.
“What is your name?” he asked when he got in the front seat.
“Natalie,” I said.
“Why are you out so late at night?”
“I was hoping to get killed or kidnapped by a bad guy,” I said.
“Is there any abuse going on at home?”
“No,” I said.
“So why are you hoping to get hurt?”
“Because I don’t want to live, I wish I were dead and never been born.”
“What is your address miss?”
I told him and he asked if I lived in a neighborhood and I said yes and he asked what the name of it was. I told him. Luckily he knew where it was because he had been to that town before and it’s where a family friend of theirs lives. I didn’t even care because I was too tired to be curious and I didn’t even ask for his age. Then he asked me for my phone number so he could call my parents. I told him. I wondered if they were going to be mad at me for sneaking out at night. I opened my eyes and I saw he had his cell phone in his hand. “What did you say your phone number was?”
“Five five five eight eight nine four,” I said with my eyes closed.
He started dialing and asked me for the number again and he repeated each number and I had to repeat the rest. He didn’t ask me for it again.
I rested my eyes and then I heard him talk on the phone. “This is Officer Brown calling, the county sheriff, and I have your daughter right here with me so I am bringing her home. Have any questions, I will be right there soon with your daughter.”
He hung up. He took me home and I opened my eyes several times to see where we were. Then he pulled into my neighborhood and asked for my street and address. I told him and soon he was at my house. He let me out and I noticed the lights were already on. Dad came outside.
“What is going on? What happened?” Dad asked. “Natalie, where did you go, we were worried about you?”
“A man outside of Battleground found her and picked her up and brought her to his place and called the police and I was sent out to get her.”
“Get inside Natalie now,” Dad ordered.
I went inside. Dad stayed outside with the officer. Mom was sitting in the living room.
“Where did you go?” Mom asked.
She also didn’t sound happy.
“I ran away,” I said.
“Without any diapers and a suitcase? Why did you do this?”
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her I wanted to die because that is like committing suicide and they would lock me away for it. I couldn’t say I was hoping someone would kill me or a car hits me.
“I wish I was never born,” I said. “You should have had me aborted or let me die at birth. I wish I died in the car accident. I will never be normal or good. I hate myself and wish I was dead.”
“Natalie,” said Mom. “Why are you talking this way?”
“Because I’m a bad person, I was never a good person.”
“You’re not a bad person,” said Mom.
“Yes I am. Veronica said so.”
“What? When did she say that?”
“Yesterday while I was walking Skippy,” I said. “She said she dumped me because of how bad I was, not because I wear diapers so she teased me about it to piss me off not because she hated me wearing them. I will never stop causing problems for you guys and I will always be the bad guy and have everyone be after me because I’m a bad person and I was never meant to be good so people will never let me be good.”
“Natalie, stop shouting, you’re going to wake up your brother and sister,” said Mom.
But I was too upset and had no control over my voice. I cried and said how bad I was and I am too much trouble for everyone and I deserve all the crap I get and maybe I am meant to be a Cruella De Vil or a Miss Trunchbull or maybe I am meant to be like Mrs. Bitch. I can’t be a Roger or an Anita or a Miss Honey or anyone good.”
“Of course not,” said Mom. “You’re meant to be Natalie, not anyone else.”
“No I mean like those characters, their personalities, not be them. But I am bad, I hate being me. Why can’t I be someone else, someone good?”
“Lower your voice,” said Mom.
“She thinks I’m rude and don’t care about anyone else and I used to do mean things to her.”
“That was a long time ago,” said Mom.
“She also said she would do the same stuff to me I did to her and I would run to you and you would always take my side without asking her for her side of the story.”
“She did her share of the abuse and she is still upset you did it?” said Mom. “That girl can sure hold a grudge.”
“Maybe that was why Ms. Penny didn’t care about me and why my schools were always against me and other kids too. I’m a bad person so I deserved the bullying.”
“That is just an excuse for them to bully you,” said Mom. “Bullies always have excuses for picking on someone. They will always try and make it out to be your fault and make you feel guilty like Veronica is doing. She has done her share of meanness to you so I don’t buy her excuse. If she got tired of being your friend, all she had to do was stop coming over and stop playing with you at school. How hard is it to do that? If she got tired of how she was being treated, fine. But to bully you? It’s all in the past and if that was her reason for giving you trouble in school, she needs to grow up. She needs to learn to not hold a grudge and move on. That was eight years ago.”
Then Dad came back inside. “Get to bed now Natalie,” said Dad. “And you better not leave the house again. I don’t want to be up all night guarding all the doors or making your mother stay up at night doing it and then having her sleep all day to make up for all hours she missed. We will talk later about all this.”
Then I saw Kelly had come down. “What is going on here?” she asked. “The screaming woke me up.”
“The officer brought your sister back,” said Dad.
“She got in trouble again?”
“No she took off and someone saw her and called the police and she was brought home.”
“Is she in trouble this time or is she going to get away with it again?”
“It’s too late for me to even deal with it,” said Dad.
“She always gets away with everything, if I ran away, you guys would be grounding me for a month,” Kelly cried.
“You’re not the one having problems.”
“I am seeing a shrink, how is that not me having “problems?”” Kelly asked.
“Because you need to learn to be more open minded and accepting and dealing with your teen feelings,” said Mom.
“And that letter you wrote,” said Dad.
“I bet if she was the one who wrote it, she wouldn’t be in the shrink’s office.”
“Well she is going to be seeing her too now and the one in school, does that make you feel better” Dad asked.
“What? She has been in therapy before so this isn’t anything new.”
“I guess nothing will make you happy,” said Dad.
He headed upstairs.
Kelly just stood there and so did Mom and I.
“Natalie, why did you run away? Why like this?” Mom asked.
“I don’t want to be here anymore,” I said. “That was Kelly’s early birthday present.”
“What do you mean?”
“She would be happy without me and I stop ruining her life and she wishes I died so I ran away so she will be happy and it will be like I am dead.”
“Now I am being blamed for this?” Kelly asked me.
“You think I’m selfish so I did the unselfish thing, running away so you won’t have to deal with a selfish sister anymore,” I shouted.
“You woke me up with your yelling all because you ran away,” said Kelly. “I have to get up at seven and you wake me up at one thirty in the morning. Don’t you even care or think about others?”
“I thought about you when I ran away,” I said.
“You’re just using me as an excuse for your runaway. This isn’t even about me and I thought we got over that letter thing and you’re bringing it up again. You can’t even take responsibility so you will blame it on someone else,” Kelly cried and then she ran upstairs.
I just sat there sad. I decided I wouldn’t even bother with that birthday present since it didn’t make her happy or proud. I wonder what would make her happy and proud.
Mom said nothing to me. Instead she told me to go get changed and then go to bed because it’s late. Then she just headed to the powder room.
My diaper was uncomfortable so I headed upstairs. I changed into a clean one after putting on rash cream and I brought my diaper down to the laundry room and rinsed it out and left it in the sink. Mom was already out of the bathroom by then. I got my pajamas on and lied on my bed. I could hear my parents talking again but they were not shouting. I wasn’t sure if they were fighting or just talking. I wondered if it was about me again.
“How could she do this to me?” I thought I heard Dad say and him saying a few seconds later “How am I going to get some sleep now? She did this right before our trip and now we have bigger problems.”
I pictured myself being a normal teen. What I would have been like if I wasn’t different. I pictured myself wearing makeup and wearing fancier clothes and having my hair and nails done, always talking on the phone to my friends, always hanging out with friends in school and talking about anything, babysitting little kids and being able to do my own school work, playing other sports and going to other sport games. All that looked boring and I thought I would be doing those things in my teens but I still haven’t yet. I still feel like a little kid. Why am I so slow? I will probably be in my thirties before I am a grown up. Will I ever get a boyfriend or get married and have children? Will I ever have a job and be treated the same as everyone else? Will I ever drive? Will I ever finally be normal and get treated like everyone else? Will the world ever stop being after me?
“Sometimes I think she really doesn’t care,” I heard Dad’s voice.
I felt worse about myself. Just me trying to do something for Kelly and my family made it worse. Why do I even bother? Maybe I should just give up and quit trying to be nice and caring.
Then I thought about the group at school. They said they could help me be normal. I wanted to be a whole new Natalie. I didn’t like who I was either. I would no longer be different and I would finally get treated like everyone else and not like a bad guy. Then I would be a normie in diapers but would that mean I would be like Kelly and Brian who is always fighting with our mother? I hope not.
Then Mom came in my room and said Dad wanted her to be with me because it will help him feel better and get some beauty sleep without worrying I will do something crazy again. She lied in bed with me. She felt my diaper and was glad it was dry. She put her arm around me like I was some stuffed animal.
Kelly is so silly she says Mom never shows love and here she is holding me. I wonder what Kelly would say to this but I bet she would still think it’s nothing. She is such a dumb blonde.
I couldn’t get to sleep despite how tired I was. I felt no one cared about me. Mom kept me in her arm and told me she cares about me or else she wouldn’t have wondered where I was and she wouldn’t be with me right now.
“Do I really get away with everything?” I asked.
“No,” said Mom.
“Then why does Kelly think I do?”
“I don’t know. I can’t even understand her and none of her feelings make sense because she is getting close to being a teenager.”
“Would you really ground her for a month if she did what I just did?”
“It depends, if she ran away because we made her do her homework and not go to a friend’s house then yeah, I don’t know if we would ground her for a month though. I don’t know where she got that from.”
We talked more and I think I only got a few hours of sleep because I was so tired the next morning, Mom let me stay home from school to let me catch up on my sleep. That meant Jason got to keep Matthew’s game until Monday and I still didn’t get a game from him. At least I didn’t have to worry about Mrs. Trunchbull or the other kids and Jason being mad at me until Monday.
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Post by Bad Beth on Jan 4, 2014 20:25:14 GMT
Chapter 29
Mom and I worked on packing. Mom picked up the clothes Matthew had on the floor and she looked through them and picked out more appropriate clothes for him to bring and he had all his toys tossed in one of his bags he was brining. Kelly was more organized because she had them sitting on the bed where I used to sleep and Mom put those in the huge bag and her bras and underwear and socks she had with the pile. Mom already had her clothes and Dad’s in there. I worked on my packing and I didn’t know what to bring so Mom helped me. She said to just bring long pants and shirts and a sweater and to not worry about my diapers because I will be wearing disposables on the trip. At least Dad isn’t being that cheap because he wasn’t sure if we would be able to wash diapers there and disposables are meant to be used on trips anyway to save time. Mom put my clothes in the big bag with the others and I figured out what to bring on the trip. I was going to bring music along and my CD player and my Game Boy and some books and don’t forget wipes and rash cream. I also decided on bringing my Super Nintendo with. I decided to leave everything by the TV as a reminder so I stuck it all there. I also wanted to bring my Nintendo 64. Mom finished packing the big bag and took a rest. She also made sure to not do any laundry for the rest of the day and made sure the diapers were washed and in the dryer. She didn’t want any linen sitting in the washing machine getting all mildewy. She even made me wear a disposable diaper because she didn’t want to leave any wet ones behind and she said it was bad for the diaper to leave it sitting soiled for a few days. We did a puzzle together while watching TV. It was just a regular puzzle I got from a yard sale a while back and it was a picture of a garden. Then she got up and headed upstairs.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“To my room for a moment,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“To take care of something personal before my pants get all wet.”
“Why not go down here?” I asked.
“No, I have to do the other thing.”
I knew what she meant and didn’t ask any more questions. I waited for her as I worked on the puzzle and Mom came back down and she went in the garage first and came back inside and washed her hands and sat back down with me.
After the puzzle was finished, I had to go outside and walk Skippy since he has not had his walk all day. Mom moved the litter box to the garage and made sure it was all cleaned and she had a bunch of cat food in the garage in cereal bowls and some water too in the cat dish. She also pulled the trash cans outside and left them on the side of the house for Jolene (our neighbor) to pull to the curb for us on trash day. She also left the recycling bins out on the front porch to keep out of the rain so Jolene can also bring them to the curb for trash day, I should also call it recycling day. I saw today was a work day for Mom. Instead of sitting around doing her free time, she was working. She had diapers to wash, clothes to fold and some dishes to do, she did packing, and now she was doing all this. I wonder what Mom and Dad would have done if Mom worked full time and was gone during the day. How would they pack and get ready? She said she had been up since Dad had to get up and she couldn’t get back to sleep so she had been up since and she will drink coffee or take an energy drink to stay awake on the road. Mom was not even in bed with me when I woke up so I figured she went back to her own room when I fell asleep.
“Today is sure a work day or you,” I joked.
“Every day is a work day,” said Mom. “Your father would hate to have a lazy wife. No one wants a lazy spouse.”
I pictured Oskar from Hey Arnold. He was lazy and always sat around watching TV and playing cards with his friends and his wife worked all the time to support him and he never worked and he was always asking for money. I can’t help feeling sorry for him sometimes. He does try hard to care about others but he ends up messing up but at the same time he isn’t a good person because he will try and rip people off for money and he attempted to steal the coin machine from the washing machine in the basement and he took someone’s breakfast they made to give to Arnold and he turned off his alarm clock so it wouldn’t wake him up and it made Arnold late for school. I never want to be him.
“There are things that need to be done before the trip,” Mom continued. “I have until Matthew gets home from school.”
“What about my odor pills?” I asked. “I need you to see if they got anymore yet.”
“I will do that when we leave, no use wasting gas and I need to pick up some diapers for the trip and we will get dog food then.”
“We already have dog food,” I said.
“We need a tinier bag, not a big one,” said Mom.
“I hope you have money.”
“Dad left me some,” said Mom.
I was happy and I was hoping they would have odor pills finally and I was feeling better despite what happened at night and yesterday in school. I didn’t care I was missing school, my only worry was me having to suffer in it because I had to finish school or I would have a harder time finding a job. I still had hopes I would be treated like everyone else soon and the world would stop being after me.
Then Kelly came home and was shocked to see me. “What is she doing home?” she asked Mom.
“She didn’t get enough sleep and she helped me packed and she walked the dog for me and she was too upset to go to school,” Mom replied.
“Early vacation for her,” said Kelly and went upstairs.
I played my game again and played Mario Party 2 again. Then I heard Matthew come home. I heard him throw a fit about his clothes and his room. I heard Mom explaining to him he didn’t have appropriate clothing for the weather and it’s cold in Montana and they get sow this time of year and he didn’t need shorts or short sleeve shirts and he didn’t need that many clothes. Then she called Kelly and me to start getting ready to go and told me to change my diaper before we leave and she had one out on my bed. I went upstairs and saw she had set the purple diaper on my bed. I tried those kind once and they held a good amount and I liked how thick they felt but they were expensive. They also have purple lines on them too and have leakguards in them and padding in the back which is holds my BMs. I will not wear a diaper that doesn’t have much padding in the back and I swear not all adult diapers are made for bowel incontinence. I always want extra protection for my bowel movements to keep the mess inside. My other diapers are good too but they don’t hold as much because I have to change sooner and with these ones, I can stay in them longer and not have to change unless I mess of course.
I changed in the bathroom and I wiped my bottom using the hand towel and I tossed it in the laundry. I put the diaper on and it felt nice and thick and very comfortable. I put my pants back on and my butt looked bulky. I pulled my shirt down. At least it wasn’t as big as when I had cloth on. I could not imagine wearing those to school or out in public and having it be obvious I have on a diaper. Plus they make me look fat. I was so glad Dad was not making me go like that on vacation. I am already used to my other family knowing I wear diapers but it would be so embarrassing with cloth and I would have to get used to that too. I threw my diaper away outside in the trash without peeking in there. I didn’t need to see all the used diapers and it always stunk when I took the lid off. I had to open two trash cans to find the diaper one. Dad wants them thrown away separately because of the smell and I have to put the lid back on and seal it tight.
I went back inside and brought all my stuff down and Mom saw it. She just gave me a box my disposable diapers had come in and told me to put my Nintendos in there and she told Matthew the same too with his movies and toys. Then Kelly and I had to help her put the bag in the thing on top of the car Mom had out parked on the driveway. Then she put the box of our stuff in the back of the minivan and closed the gate. We also brought out Skippy’s bed and put it in the van next to the sliding door for him to lay on. We also brought along his doggy dish for his food and water and we remembered to bring his leash and a bone for him to chew on and a toy for him to play with. A doggy toy of course. We also had our pillows too and some blankets and other stuff Mom put in the car. Kelly had her bag with her too she kept in the car. I also kept my backpack in the car and my mom put my diaper bag in the back of the van on top of the box. I also saw she had packed a bunch of diapers with. She had them in a black trash bag. “I hope that will be enough diapers,” she said. “If not, they have pharmacies there and stores that sell them even if they won’t have the best brand.”
I did my check of everything I had and I remembered to bring my library books to return. I also noticed Mom was doing the same too I was doing. She was also making sure everything was turned off and doors were locked and our cats were outside and she was checking to see if she had everything. Kelly even had to call Mittens and Princess outside to make sure they were out there because we would hate to leave them inside and come home to poop and pee and them being starved. We also made sure we had our pills and then Mom locked the laundry room door and she closed the garage door from our car and she left it a crack open for the cats to fit through and we remembered to leave a soft place for them to sleep on. Skippy was lying on his doggy bed between the seats and the door. He was wagging his tail and looking out the window. We also had snacks with us we don’t eat for dinner or breakfast and we also had a small cooler between the seats up front with food in it.
The first stop Mom did was the medical supply shop and she went inside and came back out with a bag. “Looks like you’re going to have to deal with your issue without the pills for this trip,” she said when she got in. She put the bag in the front seat. “They said they won’t get any until tomorrow so I put them on hold for you.”
“What did you get?” Kelly asked.
“Diapers,” said Mom.
“Doesn’t Natalie have enough?”
“You can’t have too much for this trip,” said Mom.
I was disappointed, now I was going to be smelling like poop when I have a messy accident and everyone would smell it besides my family. I also knew if we were in public and I mess myself, I would have to run to find a restroom to change and then what if there was a line? I would have to stand in my messy diaper until one of the stalls is open. Then I would have to carry the plastic bag out with me with my diaper in there and throw it away.
I told Mom I had books I needed to return so she stopped at the library and I got out and put them in the book return slot and got back in the car and the next stop was Safeway. Mom ran inside leaving us in the car. She came back out about twenty minutes later with a small bag of dog food. She stuck it between the seats and said how packed the store was because everyone waits until right before Thanksgiving to shop for their meal and it was loud and chaotic and she even had to wait in line at the express checkout and thank god no one was breaking the rule this time but she was recognized as the lady who threw a tantrum over a few items being above the limit and she said no it was nine items above the limit and if they can’t enforce that rule, they shouldn’t even have that rule and what is the point in rules if they are not meant to be followed. She also said the lights in there gave her a headache and she was glad to be out of there. Mom started the car again and we left town this time and headed to the freeway.
“I want some music,” said Matthew.
Mom turned on the CD player and CCR started to play.
“I want to hear the Raisin song,” said Matthew.
“It will come,” I said.
“I want to hear it now.”
“Can’t you wait?” I asked.
“I want to listen to the Raisin song,” he shouted.
“I want to hear the other songs,” I said.
“We will listen to the song now and go back to this one,” said Mom skipping “Susie Q” and all the other songs and went to track 16 and the song started. It was “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.”
“Why is it called the Raisin song?” I asked. “Is it because it sounds like those cartoon characters that are raisins?”
“It’s because they used to have those humiliated grapes sing and dance on TV to this song during a commercial to advertise a raisin product,” Mom explained.
“Humiliated grapes?’ Kelly asked.
“That is what raisins are,” said Mom. “They dry them and they are actually dried up grapes and that is what Joon called them in a movie I saw few weeks back.”
“It’s a shame about raisins,” I said.
“We’re cannibals,” said Mom.
“What are you talking about?” Kelly asked.
“It’s a movie we saw on TV,” I said. “They had a scene where they talked about the raisins that sing and dance on TV and the characters say how much it scares them and Joon doesn’t like raisins and says they are humiliated grapes and Sam says it’s a shame about raisins.”
“That makes no sense, I guess I have to see the movie to get it,” said Kelly.
I had only seen one of the shows on TV last year and all they did was sung lot of old songs. I do remember seeing the products in stores when I was little but I never knew they did the TV shows until I saw it on TV. Kelly once had the raisins as her Valentine cards because they had a Valentine’s product about it when she was in preschool or Kindergarten.
“How do you make raisins?” Matthew asked.
“You lay the grapes out in the sun and it dries them out and they turn into raisins,” Mom explained. “Or you can put them in the dehydrator and it dries them out.”
“I can just leave my grapes out in the sun when it’s out next time,” said Matthew.
“No you can’t do that this time of year and it doesn’t get hot enough here for it,” said Mom. “You would have to wait until summer when it’s real hot out when we get a heat wave.”
I knew what a dehydrator was because we used one last year in cooking at school and we dried out some fruit. Then I remembered one of the groups made raisins. They stuck some grapes in the machine and then a few days later they were done and they looked like raisins. I never wanted to use those things because they take too long and why would I want to eat dried up fruit? Now I know I have been eating dried up grapes all along. They do taste sweet.
“Why do they turn into raisins?” Matthew asked.
“Because the water gets sucked out of them by drying them and it makes them shrivel up and turn into that,” said Mom.
Now I knew what Joon meant when she said they have their lives stolen. I can’t believe I still remember that scene after seeing it once.
We listened to the song and it was over eleven minutes long but Mom switched back to track 1 when the words were over because I was just music now and we didn’t need to listen to it. I don’t know why the song keeps going and there are no more words. I have heard a few other songs doing that too like one of the Pink Floyd songs on their album Animals.
Mom kept on driving and soon we were in Portland and I saw the construction again where they were putting in the new light rail that would go out to the airport. Matthew said something about it and Mom said the same thing Jim said. They are putting in a new light rail that will go out to the airport. I asked how she knew that too and she said Dad works down here so he knows and he told her and it’s been in the paper and Vancouver was supposed to get the light rail from Portland but people voted against it because they didn’t want to pay more taxes.
“That’s stupid,” said Kelly.
I thought it was stupid too. At least Kelly isn’t always dumb and we can agree on some things.
“I bet lot of them had blonde hair,” I said.
“Your blonde jokes are getting old they’re not funny anymore,” said Kelly.
Mom got off at an exit and went over the bridge that went over the freeway and then she did another turn and she pulled into a parking lot where the light rail stopped where people got on and off the train. I also noticed buses stopped here too. Across the street was a Fred Meyer. Dad was just standing at the train stop waiting and he saw us and got in at the front seat.
“Good you finally made it, I thought you would never get here,” he said.
He looked behind him and said “At least Natalie is still alive and she didn’t try and do anything stupid again.”
“Alive?” Kelly asked. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing Kelly,” said Dad. “Forget I said anything.”
“He means your-“
“Anita, forget it,” said Dad. “You don’t need to tell her.”
“Tell her what?” Matthew asked.
“Matthew, please,” said Dad. “It’s nothing for you two to know about.”
“Never mind, I think it was about her running away at night without any clothes,” said Kelly.
“Natalie was gone naked?” Matthew asked. “Whoa. Why did you go outside naked Natalie?”
He sounded shocked.
“No, she ran away without bringing any extra clothes, she still had clothes on, she just didn’t pack any to bring when she took off,” said Mom before I could answer. “But she is back now and an officer brought her home when someone found her.”
“Why did you run away Natalie?” Matthew asked.
“Because all of you would be better off without me,” I said.
“I thought it was because of me,” said Kelly.
“It was and it’s never good enough, I can never make you happy,” I said.
“That’s because you don’t think of anyone but yourself.”
“Enough,” said Dad. “I don’t want to hear any fighting on this road trip.”
He was still in his work clothes and he said he wanted to change out of them and told Mom to stop at “Freddy’s” so she did. Dad got out and opened the top and grabbed his clothes out of there for him to wear and went in the store. He came back out with his work clothes in his arms and two cups of coffee in his other hand on a disposable coffee holder. He got in and set the coffees on the seat saying he got them for him and Mom. He put his work clothes in the bag above us and closed the thing and got back in. Mom started to sip at her coffee. Then she hit the road again and I saw there were more stores next to Fred Meyer. Mom got back on the freeway and we headed out east on another freeway.
I felt my diaper getting wet and I enjoyed the feeling. Then my accident ended and I would have to wait awhile before it happened again. I looked out the window and saw all the buildings and houses and I could also see across the river. We always take I-84 when we go out towards Bridgett’s because it’s the quickest Dad says. Soon we were in the mountains the river cut through. It was all trees and forest. Matthew bugged Kelly and she yelled at him to quit and then Dad scolded him. Matthew took out one of his toys and played with it. I was in the back all by myself with Skippy right in front of me. Matthew played on Skippy’s back with his toy.
“Matthew he doesn’t like it, quit,” said Kelly.
“He doesn’t mind,” said Matthew.
“He doesn’t like it so quit it.”
“He isn’t growling or shaking my toy off him.”
“He doesn’t seem happy and he isn’t wagging his tail.”
“What is he doing now?” Mom asked.
“Playing on Skippy’s back with his toy,” said Kelly.
Mom looked and said “Matthew, don’t do that, would you like someone playing on your back? Kelly, go play on Matthew’s back with one of his toys and see how it feels.”
Kelly reached for his bag but Matthew yelled don’t.
“Then leave Skippy alone,” said Mom.
“You think Skippy should be treated like human Matthew, treat him like one, would you play with toys on Kelly’s back or on Natalie’s or mine or Mum’s?” Dad asked.
“No,” said Matthew.
“So why do it to him?”
“He doesn’t mind it.”
“Go play on his back Kelly,” said Dad.
Ooo this looked fun. I took my seatbelt off and leaned forward.
“No,” Matthew shouted.
“Then don’t play on Skippy’s back,” said Dad.
“He is wagging his tail look,” said Matthew.
“That is because he is happy I am telling you to stop.”
“I thought they couldn’t understand a word we say,” I said.
“Maybe they do,” said Dad.
“Then why can’t they play video games like us or use the computer after showing them?” I asked.
“Maybe because they are not that smart,” said Dad.
Kelly grabbed Matthew’s backpack and Matthew pulled it out of her hands. “Don’t!” he shouted.
“Then stop playing on his back,” she said.
Matthew did it again a second later and Kelly grabbed at his backpack again for a toy. I drummed my hands on his back like a drum.
“Quit it,” he shouted.
“I’m playing on your back like you are with Skippy,” I said.
I kept on touching him and he started to scream.
“Promise you will stop playing on Skippy’s back?” Mom asked.
I kept on playing on him and Matthew turned around and grabbed my wrists and squeezed them.
When he let go, I pounded my hands on his head pretending he was a drum.
“Ahhhh,” Matthew screamed.
“Natalie, enough,” said Dad.
I kept on pounding my hands on Matthew and he then started hitting me and I kept touching him.
“Natalie!” Dad yelled.
“Natalie!” Mom screamed.
“Don’t!” Matthew screamed at me and he punched me in the chest.
Then Mom got off the freeway and pulled the car over all of a sudden.
“What are you doing?” Dad asked.
“Getting out and I am going to stand out there and wait until this is all over,” she said.
Mom opened the car door and stepped out and closed it.
Matthew and I kept fighting.
“Thanks a lot you two for giving her this idea,” said Kelly to Dad.
Skippy whimpered a little bit and growled.
Dad got out of the car too and talked to Mom.
Then it was Kelly’s turn to yell at me to stop.
I was having so much fun I couldn’t stop for some reason. Dad did want Kelly to play on him for doing it to Skippy so I decided to join in too.
Then Dad opened the car door and grabbed the leash from the back seat pocket and grabbed Skippy’s collar.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Well since Matthew won’t stop playing on him, I figure we will set him free here and he can try and run home, dogs are loyal and can find their way home and he has on his identification tag so we will just pick him up at the pound when he gets back and money will be tighter and he won’t have to deal with Matthew’s torture,” said Dad.
“No,” Matthew and I shouted.
“Dad, you can’t be serious,” said Kelly.
“Oh I am serious, I am leaving him here right now and I am going to take him a little ways and set him free,” said Dad.
“No,” Matthew cried. “Leave Natalie here.”
“No,” I said.
“C’mon Skippy,” said Dad.
Skippy stepped out of the car and was whimpering.
“You can’t leave him here,” Matthew screamed.
“Yes I can,” said Dad.
He turned and walked a few steps and Matthew cried and yelled after him and he got out of the car himself and grabbed Skippy. Mom was just standing there on the side watching us. She wasn’t even stopping Dad from trying to dump Skippy here.
“Mom, do something about this,” Matthew cried.
“Promise us you will leave him alone and he can stay?” said Mom.
“Yes but please don’t leave him here, it’s not fair he has to stay here just because I was playing with him.”
“You can play with him but he doesn’t like it when you play with toys on his back like he is a table,” said Dad.
Then Skippy started to walk and Dad went with him. Matthew cried more. “Noooo,” he said.
“Well he is going somewhere,” said Dad.
“This sucks,” said Kelly. “I hope he isn’t actually doing this.”
“He is, look,” I said.
“I bet this is one of those dumping us off on the side of the road to get us to quit fighting but this time they are using our dog.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“A guy in Michigan got in trouble for abandoning his dog,” said Kelly. “My math teacher told us about it.”
“Why did he abandon his dog?” I asked.
“He was stupid,” said Kelly.
“But why did he do it because he was stupid?”
“I don’t know, if he didn’t want him, he could have at least put an ad in the paper or give him to a friend or take him to the animal shelter.”
I don’t understand why someone would abandon their animal and now Dad was going to do it to Skippy so he could be free from Matthew’s torture.
I got out of the car and called after Dad. “Dad you will get in trouble for abandoning our dog if you leave him here, a guy in Michigan got in trouble for it,” I shouted.
Dad had walked Skippy into the bushes and trees.
Matthew was still crying and having his tantrum.
“Natalie,” Mom called.
“What?” I asked.
“Come over here.
I walked over to her. “What is it?”
“You know Dad isn’t going to actually leave him here, that is just to get Matthew to quit playing on his back but don’t tell him that, this is our secret,” said Mom.
“What?” I asked.
“He calls this backwards psychology and told me he was going to do that so he went back and got him out of the car saying he is staying right here but bear with his tantrum.”
So Kelly was right.
I felt better Dad wasn’t going to leave our dog here so he could walk home. I wonder if he would find his way home.
Then Dad walked back to the car with Skippy. “You be nice to Skippy Matthew and he can stay on our trip,” he was saying.
Matthew got back in the car and Dad asked Mom if she brought any plastic bags along.
“Why?” Mom asked.
“Skippy took a dump.”
Mom went to the car and opened the back and grabbed a plastic bag and handed it to Dad. He took it and went back in the bushes and I saw him pick it up and he brought it back to the car. I got in and Mom took the leash off Skippy and closed the gate. Dad kept the plastic bag up front between the seats with the cooler and dog food and the bag Mom got from the medical shop.
“Okay I hope everyone will be good this time,” said Dad. “No playing on Skippy’s back, no touching your brother, no fighting, no teasing each other, treat each other with respect, no slug bug games. This will be a happy trip, not a fighting trip.”
Mom got back on the road and we headed back on the freeway again. But we had to find our way back on it again because there was no entrance to get back on the freeway. We were then at a parking lot and the sign on the side of the road said Rooster Rock State Park and there were no cars parked here at all. They had trees and grass and some picnic tables and they even had restrooms. The park was right next to the Columbia River and I imagined people swimming in it during the summer. Mom drove around the parking lot and she got back on the road where we came in from. I saw the road sign for Portland and Hood River.
“Go straight,” said Dad.
“I can read, Glen,” Mom snapped.
“Geez sorry,” he said.
Mom kept driving straight and Mom was able to get back on the freeway again.
Matthew left Skippy alone. Music still played and Kelly just listened to music through her headphones. I just took out an activity book and did color by numbers I had in my other backpack. I had crayons with me too. I noticed Matthew telling a truck we were passing by to honk. He had his arm up and was moving it up and down and looking at the driver. He saw him and pulled the horn and honked. Matthew clapped. I remembered playing that game a lot when I was little.
“Matthew, not a good time doing this in the gorge,” said Dad. “There is too much traffic and it’s very windy.”
“What did I do?”
“Don’t make any trucks or cars honk,” said Dad. “No pick-up trucks or mini vans or limos either.”
Darn it, we couldn’t play that truck game.
We passed the Bonneville Dam, Multnomah Falls and Cascade Locks. Soon we passed through Hood River. “I Heard it Through The Grapevine” played again and we heard the whole thing this time.
Soon we were out of the gorge and I soon saw a sign for Burgerville saying the last one will be 24,800 miles. I knew it meant around the globe because it showed a picture of it and had it marked on the world showing where the next one will be. It was already dark out and Mom had the headlights on. I couldn’t color anymore and I just had the book put away and my crayons. I still had my music to listen to.
I felt poop coming into my diaper. I lifted my butt off the seat a little and more came out. I felt my diaper expand. I thought I heard it hitting the diaper as I pooped. A little more came out and I put my butt back on the seat and felt the mess spread inside my diaper. It was a nice feeling. Now I was going to have to clean it up but I was in the car so I didn’t have to change now. I knew Dad wouldn’t take away my TV and videogames and computer because I had no way of changing. I kept looking out the window at the town we were passing by.
Then Kelly sniffed her nose. “Did someone fart?”
I didn’t say a word.
“That must have been me, excuse me,” said Mom. “I did it a few seconds ago.”
“It sure stinks,” said Kelly.
She opened her window to let the smell out. I was glad Mom got the blame for farting. What a coincidence. We drove through The Dalles and we passed another dam again. Kelly had shut the window.
“It still smells,” said Matthew less than a minute later.
Dad sniffed his nose. “Did you poop your diaper Natalie?”
“Uhhh I don’t know,” I said.
I wasn’t sure if I should answer it honestly or not. I didn’t want to clean up the mess until later. I was hoping this diaper would last me until Spokane when I shower at Aunt Bridgett’s.
“Natalie, did you poop in your diaper, yes or no?”
“Yes,” I said.
“We need to stop so she can go change,” Dad told Mom.
“Natalie, why didn’t you tell us you made a mess?” Dad asked.
“Because I don’t feel like doing a big clean up on this trip,” I said.
“Well you’re going to have to get cleaned up because none of us want to smell it for the rest of the way. You need to think about us.”
“I do,” I said.
“No Natalie I mean how it will affect us.”
How would it affect them? They don’t even have to sit in messy diapers and clean it up. They all get to wear underwear and poop in the toilet. Mom can just take her diaper off and poop in it too and not have to clean it up except wiping her butt and washing her hands.
“You guys don’t even have to sit in messy diapers and cleaning it up,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter,” said Dad. “We do not want to smell your dirty nappy. No one wants to smell a dirty nappy so you always change when you mess yourself. It’s a considerate thing to do so they aren’t forced to smell it. You know how much you hate smelling other peoples farts or when someone poops in the toilet? No one wants to smell your dirty diaper just like you don’t want to smelly any farts or other peoples poop. Your own doesn’t bother you because it’s your own and you don’t smell it as bad.”
“That’s also why I say you only care about yourself” said Kelly.
“Kelly,” said Dad.
“She thinks she doesn’t think she doesn’t care about people so I am showing her,” said Kelly.
“Yes I understand but we don’t want anyone fighting.”
“I wish we could stick something up her butt to keep the poop in,” said Matthew holding his nose.
“Stop at a rest area or something Anita,” said Dad. “A gas station would work.”
Mom kept on driving. I just sat in my mess. Kelly kept the window open again.
Then finally Dad told Mom to just pull over and change my darn diaper and they will all wait outside. Mom started to pull to the side of the freeway but Dad told her, “No get off at the next exit.”
Mom got off at the next exit and there was barely anything around. Dad told Mom where to go. Mom pulled away from the freeway and found an empty spot to park which was right along the river. We drove under the bridge and cross the train tracks. It looked like a park. There were no cars around and it was dark out so no one could see what Mom was doing. She just parked the car without pulling into a parking spot and she just parked parallel having the sliding door facing away from the parking lot. Everyone got out of the car except me. Skippy was put on his leash as he got out of the car. Dad said they would just walk Skippy around since he needed to stretch out and walk around so my messy diaper didn’t matter since we would have stopped anyway. Mom took a package out of the bag and opened it and pulled out a disposable pad. She opened the bag of Molicare and took one of them out. They were those purple diapers I had on. She opened the sliding door and unfolded the underpad and laid it on the middle seat and told me to lie on it. She moved Skippy’s bed and put it in the back seat when I moved to the middle for my diaper change. It was cold outside and I felt it on my bare skin when I pulled my pants down. Mom pulled them down further to my feet and started taking my diaper off.
“My little girl made a mess of herself,” said Mom. “I like helping my baby girl out.”
“Mom,” I said.
“What?”
“I am not a baby or a little girl.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you’re my baby, my daughter, so you will always be my baby girl. Even if you weren’t incontinent, I would still call you my baby girl. Kelly is my baby girl too even if she hates me and thinks I’m a bad mother and Brian and Matthew are my baby boys. All of you will be my little girls and boys.”
Mom started cleaning me up using some big wipes she took out of the bag. “I bought these to make it easier to clean up your messy accidents.”
They were adult sized wipes. Mom used them and I started peeing. Mom used the wipe to soak it up and then she lifted the underpad up over my bottom to soak up the pee.
“Good thing I bought these for the trip,” said Mom. Then she pulled the pad away and finished cleaning me up and put the clean diaper under me. She put it on and picked up the plastic bag Dad used for Skippy’s poop and put my dirty diaper in there with the underpad and wipes and tied it shut. I pulled my pants back up and pulled Skippy’s bed out of the way and sat back down. Mom put it back on the floor next to the sliding door and the middle seat. “We’re ready,” Mom shouted outside.
Dad, Kelly, Matthew, and Skippy all came back to the car. Mom turned the above light off. She had it on so she could see changing my diaper. I was so glad it was over because it was cold outside and I didn’t like it blowing on me.
Everyone got in and Dad took the leash off Skippy and put it in the front seat pocket and got in the front.
Mom turned the car around and went back to the freeway and got on.
“It still stinks in here,” said Kelly not long later on the freeway.
“It must be the diaper I have in the bag,” said Mom.
“Changing her was a waste,” said Kelly. “We still have to smell it.”
“We will stop at the rest area and throw it away.”
“I have dog poop to throw away too and wash my hands,” said Dad. “Hey wait minute, we have wipes. Natalie, where are your wipes?”
“In my backpack,” I said.
“Hand me one please.”
“I reached behind me and opened my backpack which I am calling my diaper bag and took out a wipe and handed it to Dad.
“Thank you,” he said.
He wipes his hands and tossed the wipe on the floor next to him.
Soon Kelly said she had to go to the bathroom. Dad asked her if she could hold it.
“Yeah but I have to go really bad, it hit me all of a sudden.”
“I don’t know when the next rest area will be,” said Dad. “I barely saw any on the road so who knows when the next one will be and we just passed another exit.”
Indeed we just passed that exit. I saw they had a few gas stations, a McDonalds, a few hotels and a few other buildings. It was all small there was hardly anything and they had a bridge for people to cross to get into Washington. I wouldn’t want to live there.
“I hope it won’t be too long,” said Kelly.
We kept on riding and then Kelly started grabbing her crotch. “I have to pee, how much longer until we get to the rest area?”
“I don’t know Kellers,” said Dad.
We kept on riding and then Kelly said again she really had to go and she feels like wetting her pants.
“Then go put on one of Natalie’s diapers and pee in there, we won’t look,” said Mom.
“That is a good idea, I forgot we have all those portable potties with us,” said Dad.
“Ew no way,” Kelly cried.
“I peed in a diaper one time when Matthew was little,” said Mom. “We were driving and I had to go very bad all of a sudden and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it before I find a bathroom so I stopped and took out one of Matthew’s diapers and stuck it in my underwear and peed. No wait I did that with one of Natalie’s diapers because they were bigger. Good thing we had those or I would have wet my pants. I may have gone outside instead risking getting arrested. I went behind a gas station once because their bathrooms were occupied and I couldn’t wait so I went behind there.”
“I am still not going in one of her diapers,” said Kelly.
Few seconds later she said again “God I have to go.”
She was shaking her body and grabbing her crotch.
“Who is weird now and acting all immature,” I said.
“Shut up, I have to go pee really badly so this is different,” Kelly yelled.
Mom then picked up her empty coffee cup and held it in the air and said “Would this work? It’s empty and you can pee in this.”
Kelly grabbed it and said, “Don’t anyone look.”
“Close your eyes everyone except Mum since she’s driving,” said Dad.
I heard Kelly pull down her pants and she took the lid off the cup and put it under her and I heard her peeing. Kelly sighed with relief. “I thought I was going to piss myself like Mom,” she said. “Say she hasn’t even stopped once for a potty break. What gives? She always stops at every rest area.”
“I am good this time,” said Mom.
“Why stop if you’re wearing the bathroom,” said Matthew.
“What do you mean?” Mom asked.
Kelly finished going. I saw her putting the lid on and she handed it to Dad and he put it back in the cup holder.
“You’re wearing diapers like Natalie now,” Matthew replied.
“I don’t know when I will be getting to any restrooms so I put one on just for precaution,” Mom stuttered.
“No you wear them all the time now, I saw them in your bathroom,” Matthew pointed out.
“Well it looks like the cat is out of the bag,” said Dad.
“What cat?” Matthew asked. “We don’t have any cats in bags.”
“It’s a figure of speech, it means her secret is out and she doesn’t have to try and hide it anymore and be ashamed of it,” Dad explained.
“What were you doing in there?” Mom asked.
“All the bathrooms were being used except yours so I went in there to pee and it stunk so I looked in the shower and I saw a bag full of them and I knew they were not Natalie’s because hers are different.”
“About time,” said Kelly. “I thought she should have been wearing them since first grade since she has to cut in lines, pee behind the gas station, wets her pants sometimes because she can’t always make it and I always wondered why she never wore one.”
“See Anita, none of our kids care,” said Dad. “Now you can relax about it. What did I tell you eh?”
“I wasn’t sure how they would feel about it,” Mom said defensively.
“With their sister in them, I don’t see how it’s any different if their mum wears them too,” said Dad. “They’re just knickers but you throw them away and buy more and Matthew used to wear them to bed so nappy wearing is a normal thing in this family.”
“You’re not alone anymore Natalie,” said Kelly. “Do you feel better?”
“She can still use the bathroom and still wear underwear again when she quits having accidents,” I said.
“So, at least you know another person who wears them and don’t forget Veronica.”
“She’s in a wheelchair,” I said.
“So, she still got her incontinence from being in a car wreck done by drinking and driving.”
“She was drinking and driving?” Mom asked.
“No, one of her friends was and she got in the car and Veronica got in the car too and they drove and they had other friends with them and they all crashed. They were at a homecoming party after the game and they had alcohol there and some of the kids had a drink and so did they and then when they were all leaving, the girl thought she was fine and so did everyone else because she didn’t drink that much right so she drive and got in a car accident.”
“Did Veronica drink too?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Wow they were all dumb teens,” I said.
“Karma is a bitch,” said Mom.
“At least you take better care of your accidents than Natalie does,” said Kelly.
“And at least we will get there quicker without making all those stops,” said Dad. “We still have to stop for Skippy.”
“I can’t believe you peed in a cup,” Matthew said to Kelly.
“I had to go bad or I would have wet myself,” said Kelly.
“How could you wait so long to go and not go before?” I asked.
“I didn’t have to go then and then all of a sudden I had to go bad. I hope I am not getting a bladder problem.”
“What did you drink Kelly?” Dad asked.
“I had a pop a friend gave me on the way home.”
“Did it have caffeine?”
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“If it did, that is probably why, that will make you have to pee so soon and that quickly. If anyone else has a potty emergency we have cups here and nappies.”
“Since we have underpads too, we can put it under Skippy so he can poop and pee on it,” I said.
“No,” said Dad. “Forget I said anything, this whole car will reek of poop and pee if we all used diapers and underpads and cups. We have to find the next exit with service to empty out the cup and throw away Natalie’s diaper. I don’t care if it’s a rest area or not, it can be a fast food pace or supermarket or a gas station, they usually have outside trash cans and we can let Skippy stretch out again.”
Kelly already had her pants pulled back up and she felt so much better with an empty bladder. “Whatever was in that pop sure made me had to go this bad. I hope it wasn’t some practical joke they put in there.”
For some reason now I enjoyed this whole incident.
“No, I did it,” I said.
“Yeah sure Natalie,” said Kelly.
I knew she didn’t believe me just by how she said it.
“I did really, I had your friends put something in the drink to try and make you wet your pants.”
“No you didn’t,” Kelly shouted.
“Natalie, don’t tease your sister,” said Mom.
“But I did really,” I said.
“Then what was the drink they gave me?” Kelly asked.
“Pepsi,” I said.
“Nu uh, it was Coca Cola, you’re bad at lying. You weren’t even there and you have no way of telling my friends so I know you didn’t do it and had nothing to do with it.”
“At least Mom cared because she helped you by giving you the cup and she told me to stop teasing you,” I said.
“I bet she just wanted me to stop complaining about having to go and she didn’t want to hear us fighting again so she found a solution to her problem.”
“Nothing I do will ever make you think I care,” said Mom. “I don’t know why I bother.”
“Natalie, please don’t argue with your sister,” said Dad.
“I’m not,” I said.
“It was coming so I am stopping it now.”
We were all quiet and then Dad pointed to a sign that showed services and told her to stop in Arlington and we should get gas anyway.
We got to the exit and I saw the sign for Arlington and Condon.
“Condon,” I read. “Take away the N and put in the M and it would be Condom and wouldn’t that be funny if that was the town’s name?” I asked.
Mom smirked.
“That would be terrible,” said Dad.
“Gross,” said Kelly.
“Why’s it gross?” Matthew asked.
“Don’t you know what a condom is?” Kelly asked. “It’s what men wear to avoid getting the woman pregnant.”
“When they have sex,” I added.
The name still made me think of condoms because of the name. That is why I found it so hilarious and I bet it would sound that way if someone said the name. I would hate to live inside a condom.
Mom got off the freeway and it was another tiny town we were in.
“Oh man, we weren’t even this far and I couldn’t even wait longer,” said Kelly. “All that for nothing.”
“At least you didn’t have an accident,” I said. “Just imagine if you did right before we got here.”
Dad told Mom what gas station to pull into and it was Shell.
I don’t know how people can live here. This town was out in the middle of nowhere and there was nothing to do. How to people grocery shop or buy things they need or Christmas shop?
Mom parked the car at one of the pumps and was about to get out. “We don’t pump our own here they do it for us,” said Dad.
“Oh yeah, this is Oregon,” said Mom.
One of the guys came up to us and Dad handed him his card and told him “Regular unleaded, fill please.”
The guy took the card and put it in the machine and handed it back to Mom. She gave it back to dad and she closed her car door again. The guy opened our gas cover and put the nozzle in it and started pumping.
“It’s cool they do it for us,” said Matthew.
“Why are people not allowed to pump their gas in Oregon?” Kelly asked.
“It’s the way they do it and they like it that way,” said Dad.
“I think it’s just to avoid pump and runs and its more jobs for people to have,” said Mom.
“What’s pump and run?” Matthew asked.
“Getting gas and not paying for it,” Mom replied. “They just drive off without paying.”
“Well I am going to the toilet,” said Dad.
He got out of the car and went inside. Kelly got out too and so did Matthew. Mom just stayed and so did I. The gas finished pumping and it popped. The man took it out and hung it back up on the pump and put the cap back on and closed the gas cover.
Dad came back soon and he took the plastic bag out of the car and threw it away in the trash and then he emptied out the cup Kelly peed in and threw it away and his coffee cup too. Soon Kelly came out and got back in. Skippy stayed seated on his bed the whole time.
Then Matthew came back and asked if he can get candy.
“Let’s get ice cream instead,” said Dad. “We always get some when we’re here.”
“Cool,” Matthew cheered.
We left the station and stopped at a restaurant that was across from there. It said EAT on the roof. Mom parked and we all got out. We took Skippy out too.
“I hope they let dogs inside,” said Kelly.
“If not, we will leave him outside,” said Dad.
We walked inside and no one said anything about our dog. There were two other customers there sitting at a table. I looked at the pictures they had on the wall and it was just history about the area. I saw a photo of the Columbia River and it had a white line drawn on it showing where the river is at now ever since they built the dam in The Dalles. It also showed an old picture of Celilo Falls that is now under the river and the town Arlington having to move up higher because of the John Day dam getting built. That made me think of The Simpsons in one of the episodes when they had to move the whole town of Springfield because of all the trash that exploded in the streets out of sewers and golf holes and fire hydrants. I wonder what the old Arlington looked like before getting flooded by the dam.
Then Dad called my name.
“What?” I asked.
“What flavor of ice cream do you want?”
I went up to the counter and looked at the flavors they had and picked bubble gum. They scooped me up a cone and handed it to me and told us the total and Dad paid. We stood around and ate out ice cream because Mom couldn’t drive and eat her ice cream at the same time. This was my dinner.
After Mom finished her ice cream, we left. I was done with mine too. We got back in the car and left town. Mom got back on the freeway.
“Pitiful how people can live out in the middle of nowhere,” said Dad.
“How do they even shop?” I asked.
“Go to The Dalles,” said Dad.
“That is a long way,” I said.
I imagined that is how far plumbers or electricians or repair guys drove to fix something in someone’s home. I also imagined kids going to school that far away and to go grocery shopping too or they use the local food store there.
“How much longer until we get there?” Matthew asked.
“About three hours,” said Dad.
We kept driving and then Dad said “Does anyone need to use the toilet? There is a rest area coming up.”
“I’m fine,” said Mom.
“Me too,” I said.
“I just went,” said Kelly.
“Are you sure?” said Dad. “We don’t want another potty emergency and I threw all our coffee cups away. Matthew what about you?”
“I peed at the gas station,” he said.
“Okay, we’re all good then,” said Dad.
We kept on riding in the car and we listened to music. Kelly kept listening to her own through her headphones.
Soon Mom turned off the freeway and was on another freeway. Fleetwood Mac was playing in our player.
We crossed the river soon and were back in Washington again. Soon we passed through Kennewick and this time we stopped to get something to eat. We did drive thru. Mom took an energy drink she bought at the medical supply shop in Saltwater and Dad got some tea. We all got normal sized meals and no supersize. Dad let me get one of the Happy Meal toys. Dad fed Mom her hamburger as she drove. She also fed herself some fries sipped her own drink. I had a diet pop and I ate my cheeseburger and fries. I looked at my 102 Dalmatians toy I got. We left town and were back in the middle of nowhere again. We all finished our food and Dad put everything in the McDonalds bag. I was full from all the food. Skippy had some water we gave him Dad bought from McDonalds to put in the bowel for him. I played with my toy. I kept looking at it and smelling it and pushing the dog in and out of the building. We had to stop at another rest area so he could walk around and poop or pee. We went in the dog area and had him walk there.
“Are you sure you don’t need to go pee pee again?” I asked Kelly.
Kelly didn’t answer.
“Oh well, we have the bathrooms in the car if you need to go,” I said.
I noticed Matthew was taking a leak on the grass.
“Matthew what are you doing?” Mom yelled.
“I had to go potty,” he said.
“Why didn’t you go in the restroom?”
“I didn’t want to walk all the way over there.”
“Peeing in public is a crime you know that. You can get a ticket for it.”
Matthew was finished going and he pulled his pants back up. He only had them part way down below his bottom and kept his underwear on.
“I’m not happy with you,” Mom told him.
“What did he do?” Dad asked when he overheard.
“He went peeing in the grass instead of using the bathroom,” said Mom.
Dad then scolded Matthew for peeing outside in the grass. There was no punishment involved, just him yelling at him about it.
“You better not do that ever again,” said Dad when he finished yelling at him.
“But Mom does it,” Matthew pointed out.
“She has something wrong with her bladder or something in her system that doesn’t tell her she needs to go and she has never peed out in the middle of the grass but your system works fine and so does your bladder so you have no reason to urinate in public,” Dad scolded. “You can make it to the toilets fine without being lazy.”
At least I can get away with urinating in public. When I was little, sometimes we would stop and Mom would go off somewhere to pee and she would pull her pants down and squat and pee. We have also pulled over just to change my diaper which is what we did today. At least I didn’t have to do it. I have never changed my own on road trips.
After Skippy was done walking around and doing his business, Dad had to pick up his poop again using another plastic bag and he threw it away and washed his hands in the restroom and got back in the car with the rest of us.
We were back on the road again and we drove all the way to I-90 and got on it.
“How much longer?” Matthew asked.
“About another hour,” said Dad.
I could already feel my diaper was wet. I knew my drink would make me wet it more.
Kelly not once had to go again. When we got close to Spokane, I messed in my diaper again. I farted this time as poop came out. I felt it spread around in my diaper on my bottom and butt and felt it go up. Some also came out without any farts. My body must be getting rid of something since this is the second time I have pooped this big. At least it wasn’t runny.
“Geez Natalie what did you eat today?” Kelly asked waving her hand in front of her nose.
“Pee ew,” said Matthew.
“We’re almost there,” said Mom. “We can all hold it off.”
“It sure stinks,” said Kelly.
“We’re almost there kids, no use stopping in town if we’re there,” said Dad.
“City,” Matthew corrected.
Kelly opened the car window again and Matthew held his nose shut.
“I had cereal for breakfast , then I had ice cream and yogurt,” I said. “I also had a sandwich Mom made me and I had ice cream and McDonalds.”
Dad opened his car window too to also air it out.
“Glen, close that window, it hurts my ears,” said Mom covering her right ear.
“It stinks in here,” said Dad.
“Hold your nose then.”
Dad closed the window and didn’t hold his nose shut.
I saw Spokane up ahead and it was all full of lights and buildings. We made it to the city and drove through the downtown area the freeway cuts through. I looked at all the pretty buildings. I used to think they were castles when I was little and it reminded me of Seattle. We got off at one of the exits and Mom drove to Bridgett’s house. We were outside of the downtown area but we were now in the residential area. It was just a bunch of old houses. Mom found her sister’s house and parked in front of it. The house was painted blue and it looked crappy and so did the paint and it was right next to the freeway and street that went along side it. Bridgett only had grass in her yard and no flowers. It needed to be cut. The house was two stories but the whole upstairs is just two bedrooms. It was a tiny house with one bathroom and four bedrooms and it only had a kitchen and living room and the backdoor where the washer and dryer are and where you keep extra food and broom and vacuum and cleaning supplies, water heater and they have a tiny basement under the house which you have to get to from the outside and it smelled musty down there and there is sometimes water down there and Bridgett has a shelf built down there and she keeps stuff on it off the ground. Plus there is moss and grass growing in the concrete that leads down to the door to the basement. Some of the stairs have moss on it too and cracks. There is even a large crack in the concrete in the basement on the floor and it’s a small gap. They don’t even have lights under there either and the ceiling is real low.
“Remember to knock kids,” said Dad when we got out of the car.
We went up to the front door and knocked. I heard movement inside and the door opened. It was my little cousin Jaymee who is the same age as Matthew. “They’re here,” she shouted.
I walked inside and was surprised to see the living room all cleaned up. The carpet was still stained but I could tell it was vacuumed. There was no trash or dirty dishes lying around either. Amber who is fourteen was sitting on the sofa watching something on TV and I saw their fish swimming around in their fish tank they have and I could hear the water moving in it. Their small dog, Rufus, was also in the living room walking around. He’s an ugly mutt and he is really small. He has short brown hair and has pointed nose and ears and he is annoying. He started barking at Skippy and Skippy growled at him and barked back. Mom covered her ears and I cringed at the noise. I hate indoor barking. It’s too loud and it upsets me because I hate sudden loud noise and it makes me jump or feeling overwhelmed. Amber yelled at Rufus for him to be quiet and Matthew joined in too as he also had his ears covered. Then Aunt Bridget came in the room and yelled at him too to stop. Mom was swaying her body holding her ears and she had her head lowered down. Rufus stopped and I was happy and Mom uncovered her ears and was back to normal again.
“Bad boy, you leave that dog alone,” Bridgett yelled. “He is a guest in our house so you treat him with respect or you are getting locked on the back porch again.”
Rufus didn’t bark at Skippy again and Skippy left him alone.
Hi,” said Aunt Bridgett to us. “You’re here.”
She embraced Dad and then Mom but she didn’t do it as long as she did to Dad. She also gave me a hug and I was so glad it was over. She gave Kelly a hug and then tried giving Matthew one but he backed away and said “I don’t want any hugs.”
“Oh c’mon Matt, it’s only for a second,” said Dad.
“I don’t want to be hugged,” Matthew shouted.
“It’s okay,” said Aunt Bridgett. “I understand.”
I don’t know why people always have to hug when they see someone. I think it’s just something they like to do but why? Every time I would try and hug someone, kids would always get mad at me and I would get into trouble so now I only do it when other people hug me and if I see everyone else doing it or if someone tells me to hug them. I don’t know how people can risk it.
Aunt Bridgett hadn’t changed since I last saw her. She was still fat and had the same hair color and hairstyle. Bridgett commented on my hair. “Did you get a haircut, I like it. I have never seen you with that hair before. It has always been long or cut short up to your shoulders or neck."
I remembered I was still in my poopy diaper. No one had said anything about it so I figured I was okay. I walked around the home and was surprised to see it cleaner this time. Kitchen and bathroom floors had been swept and washed, toilet was cleaner and so was the bathroom sink, trash wasn’t lying around, waste basket wasn’t full, and there were no dirty dishes lying around or dirt and dust. I noticed there were no dishes lying in the sink either but the bedrooms was still a mess.
“I see you finally cleaned your house,” said Kelly.
“Thank your cousins,” said Aunt Bridgett. “They say it’s impolite to not clean for your guests and you complained last time so they got a broom and dust pan and did it all.”
“You should thank them,” said Dad.
I saw Timmy in his room who is sixteen. He was listening to music and playing an old Game Boy. He saw me and said hi. I said hi back. Jesse, same age as Kelly, was also in there playing their Super Nintendo. He was playing some fighting game. The game looked boring.
I went in Jaymee’s room and looked at her Barbies. She had them in her closet and I took them out and looked at them. Jaymee came in the room.
“You still play with Barbies? Cool,” she said.
“No I quit in seventh grade,” I said.
I felt the room vibrate when a big truck drove by on the interstate. Her bedroom faces the freeway and every time a commercial tuck drives by, the room shakes. Only time my old room has ever shook was when a teenager would drive by with loud music with bass on and it makes our walls and windows vibrate. I don’t know why teens play loud music, I can’t even stand it and I wanted to do that too when I got to my teens and Mom and Dad would say “Oh no you will not or that may be the last time you drive a car in your teens.” Now I wouldn’t want to since it’s bad for your hearing and makes you go deaf and I can’t stand bass anyway so how could they play music that loud and not have it bother them?
“You guys hungry or did you eat?” Aunt Bridgett asked out in the living room.
“We ate,” said Dad.
Jaymee and I started to play with them together. She sniffed her nose. “Something smells. Is that you?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Why are you still in it?”
“I never got the chance to do it yet,” I said.
“You do now, it stinks.”
I just stayed put and put one of the Barbie outfits on one of her dolls. It was ten thirty eight at night. Jaymee had a clock in her room.
“Is it uncomfortable being in that diaper?” Jaymee asked.
“No,” I said.
“How can it be comfortable? I can’t imagine having to wear them and tolerate being in a one filled with poop, isn’t that gross?”
“Not anymore, I got used to it,” I said. “After a while, diapers become your underwear and it becomes normal for you and they don’t feel as bulky and it gets comfortable to sleep in and poop and pee doesn’t bother you anymore either. It’s only uncomfortable if I have diarrhea and it’s real runny and if I am too wet, so wet I can feel the pee moving around in it but they always leak before that happens and getting a diaper rash is uncomfortable because then it stings when I pee.”
“I’m glad I don’t have to wear them and my bladder works and so do my bowels,” said Jaymee.
I felt myself wetting my diaper again and the poop felt even squishier. I felt for leaks and felt a little damp spot. I needed to shower anyway. I got up and went out in the living room. Mom and Dad were nowhere to be seen. “Where did my mom and dad go?” I asked Aunt Bridgett
“They went out to the car to bring in their stuff,” she said.
Kelly and Matthew were both sitting on the sofa watching TV with Amber.
Skippy was lying on the floor in front of the TV wagging his tail.
The door opened again and Dad came inside carrying the big bag and set it on the floor. Mom had my diaper bag in her hand and she had Matthew’s backpack too and Kelly’s. Then she went back out to the car. She came back inside with my backpack too. Dad went back out to the car and brought in Skippy’s bed.
“Go change Natalie,” said Mom.
“Can I shower?” I asked Aunt Bridgett.
“Sure,” said Aunt Bridgett.
I opened the big bag and pulled out my pajamas and I opened my diaper bag and I saw Mom had put more diapers in there. I pulled out my overnight diaper and day time diaper. I also took out my beauty kit with my toothbrush and shampoo and toothpaste and hairbrush and razor. I took them all into the bathroom.
“Don’t lock the door,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“Why?” I asked.
“There is only one bathroom so if someone needs to go, they wouldn’t be able to if the door is locked but we’ll knock first before we come in.”
I closed the door and got undressed. I turned on the shower and took off my messy diaper. I got in the shower with my shampoo and razor blade and washed the mess off my bottom. I then shaved and washed my hair. All my poop went down the drain and there was still a little chunks of it. I heard a knock on the door.
“Yeah?” I shouted.
“There are some towels right here and they are on the counter here,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem,” and she left the bathroom closing the door.
After I was done, I got out and dried off. I saw they had a scale next to the toilet so I stepped on it and it said I weighed 132. I stepped off it and put the scale away and wrapped the towel around my head and put on my clean diapers, daytime one first and then overnight. They felt very thick on me. I put my clean bra back on and started to put on my pajamas. Then the door opened. I jumped. It was only Jaymee. “Oh sorry,” she and closed the door fast after seeing me in my diaper. At least it wasn’t any boys. I got my pajamas on and socks and brushed my teeth and left the bathroom throwing my diaper away in the waste basket. Then I remembered what Denise told me. I went back and picked up the wastebasket and brought it out. “What do I do with this?” I asked Dad.
I showed him the waste basket.
Dad peeked in there. “Uh we’ll just put it in a plastic bag and keep it outside and we we’ll throw it away tomorrow,” said Dad.
He took the waste basket from me.
Aunt Bridgett saw him with it. “Where are you going with that?”
“Natalie’s diaper is in here,” said Dad.
“The trash is out in the back right by the house,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“Oh thank you,” said Dad and he went in the kitchen and out the back porch.
“I’m going to take my shower,” said Kelly. She got her stuff and went in the bathroom.
“Don’t lock the door,” Aunt Bridgett called.
I saw the box had been brought inside from the van.
“I can’t believe you brought all this stuff,” said Dad.
Matthew was hooking up my Nintendo 64 and Jaymee was playing with one of the controllers.
After he got done hooking it up Matthew put in Kirby 64.
“You guys are so lucky to have a Nintendo 64,” said Jaymee. “My Mom won’t even buy us one and we never get any allowance.”
“That’s because she’s poor,” I said.
“Being poor sucks, we never get to do anything and we have to rely on our grandparents and uncles and uncles to get us stuff for Christmas and to send us money for our birthday. We only get at least one thing for Christmas and birthdays.”
“You got four things last year Jaymee,” said Amber.
“They weren’t even toys except one,” said Jaymee.
I couldn’t imagine getting only one present for each birthday and Christmas. That would suck.
“Don’t you guys get presents from Toys for Tots?” I asked.
“No,” said Amber.
“Why not? I thought it was for kids who don’t get a Christmas and you guys never get a normal one,” I said.
“I don’t know, I get enough from families so it doesn’t matter.”
Jaymee and Matthew went into mini games and picked the yard race game. They selected their characters and went to the game. They had to hop over obstacles to get to the finish line that was the object of the game.
I watched the COM characters messing up and Jaymee and Matthew kept messing up too.
Dad came back inside and set the waste basket by the bathroom door.
After all the players made it to finish, it showed the results of who came in first, second, and third. They picked the same game again and did level two this time. The ground was a different color and they had different obstacles.
I got my backpack and went back to coloring again. I lied on my stomach and colored.
Kelly was done showering and she got her pajama on and her hair brushed and she came out with her stuff. Amber invited her into her room. I just stayed out in the living room.
Mom and Dad brought in our air mattresses and pillows and blankets. Dad blew one of them up using the hair dryer Aunt Bridgett gave him to use. It was a double air mattress for people to sleep on. Aunt Bridgett brought out some sleeping bags for us to sleep with.
“You’re going to have to go to bed soon kids,” said Dad. “It’s late.”
Jaymee and Matthew played the other two mini games and I was so happy when they turned the game off and put in GoldenEye. They did one player and Matthew was playing the Faculty level. He used the paintball mode cheat I unlocked. I didn’t care if he played my file just as long as he didn’t unlock any new missions and levels for me. He got to the end of the vent and aimed for the enemy’s head and shot him.
“In the movie James is hanging upside down and he tells the bad guy “Beg your pardon, forgot to knock,” and knocks him out with his hand,” said Matthew.
He jumped down in the stall and left it and shot the other bad guys and picked up their guns and used the soviet gun and started shooting other bad guys when he left the restroom.
Dad finished blowing up the mattress and put the cap back on and he blew up other mattresses for me and Kelly.
Then Kelly came out in the room with painted nails and showed them to Dad, me, Matthew, and Jaymee. “Wow,” was all I said.
Matthew didn’t say anything and Jaymee asked her if Amber did it and Kelly said yes. Dad seemed interested about it too but I didn’t care so I wasn’t interested. I never liked nail polish because then you can’t do anything until they dry. I only liked the soft feeling part where the brush hits the skin when they put nail polish on. I don’t know why people do it, maybe they do it because it’s their hobby just like how I used to wear necklaces and bracelets for fun and pins but doing my hair was always a pain because I never get it right and it takes too long when you do braids so I never liked them. I always prefer if someone else does my hair for me that don’t take long.
Kelly then showed Mom and Aunt Bridgett her nails.
“Oh wow, it looks good on you,” said Aunt Bridgett.
We all stayed up pretty late and Aunt Bridgett went to bed before the rest of us did. Amber and Kelly stayed I her room and did whatever I don’t know what. I played my Nintendo 64 with Jaymee and Matthew fell asleep in the chair. Dad was glad he did because at least he went to sleep and Dad was hoping he would stay asleep. He still had his clothes on and Mom and Dad left him in them.
“You should be going to bed kids,” Mom told us. “I’m getting tired and I want to go to sleep.”
“You heard your mother,” said Dad. “It’s one in the morning, time for sleep and I want to go to sleep and can’t with the TV on.”
“We can turn it down,” I said.
“The light on the TV will keep me awake,” said Dad.
“Cover your head or close your eyes.”
“Natalie.”
“What? I am giving you a solution to your problem,” I said.
“It’s the clicking you’re making with your game paddles that will keep me up.”
“Use ear plugs.”
“Natalia,” said Dad again. “Please, I just want to get some sleep, be considerate will you.”
I didn’t know what his problem was. I gave him solutions so he could get some sleep without us keeping him awake but he was being a stubborn guy. Even he wants his way.
I noticed Mom had fallen asleep with a book in her hand. She was lying on her back and part of her body was hanging off the air mattress. Dad just took the book from her and set it on the floor and pushed her legs on the air mattress and pulled the sleeping bag over her they were using as sheets and blankets. He also picked up our blanket and put it over Matthew. Then he made us go to bed. The twin air mattress in her room had been set up for me with a sheet and one of our blankets and my pillow. Dad took Skippy out to the backyard so he could do his business before bed. Then he let him back inside and closed the back door and locked it.
Jaymee and I lied down in her room. I just read and I had my music and CD player beside me for me to listen to when I go to sleep. Her room was small so there was barely even room to move around in since my air mattress took up space. There were barely any cars on the road so the freeway was bare and it had very little traffic on it so not many big trucks drove by to shake the room thank goodness. It would only shake sometimes when a truck would drive by and it lasted a few seconds. I noticed later Jaymee was sleeping in her bed because she was breathing hard and I saw her eyes were closed. I got tired soon and I was just lying there with the book in my hand and my eyes closed. I decided later I better just put the book down and turn off the light and play some music and go to sleep. I played The Spice Girls and turned the light off and went to sleep.
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Post by Bad Beth on Jan 21, 2014 1:38:27 GMT
Chapter 30
I woke up the next day in Jaymee’s room. It was cold in here and I could hear the traffic on the freeway loud and clear and the window was open. I noticed she was also not in her bed. I even noticed my diaper was messy. I felt around for leaks and rubbed the outside of my diaper. I felt good inside for what I was doing. I got up and closed the window and lied back down again. Then a huge truck drove by again and the walls shook and the window rattled. I heard hearing talking in the kitchen and living room.
“Kids, if you’re hungry, there is food in the cooler, we’re not stopping for breakfast or eating any of their food,” Dad said out in the living room.
“Oh that’s fine, I can feed them,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“You couldn’t, you don’t have much money,” said Dad.
“I get food stamps, it’s okay.”
“Does it last you the whole month?”
“No but-“
“My kids shouldn’t eat your food, we have our own,” said Dad.
“Dad,” said Kelly.
“We need to save money so I had your mother bring some food along so we wouldn’t have to have breakfast.”
“This sucks,” said Kelly.
“I want my Fruit Loops,” cried Matthew.
“You didn’t bring them?” Dad asked. “Oh well it was your fault, Mum isn’t responsible for it, you are.”
“I want my Fruit Loops,” Matthew cried again.
“Matthew stop it, don’t start,” Dad shouted.
“We’ll just go to the store and get some,” said Mom. “They won’t cost that much alone.”
“No, we must save money,” said Dad.
“If he doesn’t get his damn cereal, the rest of our day will be hell,” Mom yelled. “Is that what you want, Glen?”
“How is he going to ever learn if we always give into him? There will be times when things will change and he won’t always do what he always does,” Dad yelled back.
I heard Aunt Bridgett saying something and then Mom said “Thank goodness you have some. Here Matthew she has some for you.”
“Great, let him have his way,” said Dad.
“Matthew it’s okay, she has your cereal,” Mom said to Matthew.
I looked at the time and saw it was after nine. I still felt tired and I stayed in bed.
“Damn it, she died again,” Jesse said out in the living room.
Few seconds later I heard shooting out there and knew he was playing my game.
I got out of bed and went out in the living room. Matthew was sitting in the kitchen at the table that was pushed against the wall eating his cereal. I saw the bathroom door was closed and someone was showering in there.
“Who is in the bathroom?” I asked.
“Your Mum is,” said Dad.
Dad sniffed his nose, “You need changed sweetheart, why don’t you do it in your cousin’s room.”
“I’m messy,” I said.
“You don’t need a shower for that, just use the wipes. Oh you can change in the bathroom, you’re both girls. We have the diapers out here.”
Dad showed me where they were. They were lying on the floor in the trash bag. Amber walked by me and then asked “Does Natalie always smell this bad?”
“Only when she messes,” said Dad.
“My little sister was complaining how her room smelled so she opened her window to air it out and then she couldn’t get back to sleep.”
“She only smells until she changes,” said Dad.
I just wanted to wait until Mom was done so I could wash the poop off and put a clean one on but Dad told me to change now.
“It’s too hard without the water,” I said.
“You have changed before without showering so you can do it now,” said Dad.
“No,” I cried.
“Natalie, you stink, change now. Don’t be a Matthew.”
I started to feel stressed out so I curled my hands up in fists and started blowing hard.
“Natalie, stop it,” Dad shouted. “Turn off the anxiety.”
“What’s happening?” Aunt Bridgett asked.
“Your sister is taking a shower and she is upset she can’t wash herself to change,” Dad replied.
“She can wait, it’s fine,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“What? She smells,” Amber protested. “She can wait outside until Aunt Anita is done in there.”
“Amber Marie Donson,” Aunt Bridgett scolded. “She has a medical condition and I will not make her stand outside because of it. It’s not her fault. Remember last year we went out to eat because I won a certificate to eat out at the buffet and there was a guy in a wheelchair who couldn’t chew his food or feed himself so he had food dripping down his chin when his family was feeding it to him and he was also drooling and it was so disgusting I couldn’t eat without looking at him so we requested a different table. I wasn’t going to complain to the manager about them allowing people like that guy there to eat because they have every right to be there just like the rest of us. Your cousin has every right to be inside just like the rest of us so be tolerant will you.”
“This sucks,” said Amber.
She walked away and I was allowed to stay in my wet and messy diaper. I sat down on the couch and Amber opened the front door and left it open.
“Amber Marie, close that door now,” Aunt Bridgett yelled.
“It stinks so I want to air it out.”
“You’re letting cold air in and I will not raise up the cost of heat or would you all rather wear coats in the house and bundle up like you’re outside?”
Amber closed the door and huffed.
Then the shower shut off a few seconds later. Yay Mom is finished, now I can’t wait for her to come out.
“You get used to it,” Kelly told Amber.
“How do you live with the smell all the time?” Amber asked.
“You get used to it,” Kelly said again.
“How often does she poop in them?”
“Often, all the time almost daily and now we just send her to her room if she smells and she can’t come out until she changes and we’re allowed to kick her out of our bedroom and now she takes pills for it but we’re out of them so we have to deal with this again.”
“You guys do that to her but yet we’re not allowed to make her go outside. Why don’t your mom and dad do that?”
Then Kelly started to ask Dad if he can make me go wait outside until I change.
“No, we are not going to make her stand out in the cold,” said Dad. “Aunt Bridgett said she can wait and right when your mother gets out of there, she will change.”
It was indeed cold in Spokane, colder than Saltwater.
I was anxious to get my diaper changed because I could feel it was leaking and it was very wet and I could feel my rash breaking out again. I went in the bathroom anyway before Mom was finished. I ignored what I saw and I quickly took my diapers off and threw it in the wastebasket. I turned the water on and got in and washed my butt off. Mom got dressed and left the bathroom. I was finished and I dried off and I remembered I didn’t bring a diaper with me. I opened the bathroom door a little bit and shouted, “Mom, Dad?”
“What is it Natalie?” Mom asked coming with her little bag.
“Can you bring me one of my diapers?”
“Why?”
“I forgot to bring one in here with me,” I said. “I need one.”
Mom went in the living room and grabbed one of my diapers and handed it to me. I took it from her and she came in the bathroom too. I put my diaper on and got my pajamas back on. Mom brushed her teeth. I was starving. I left the bathroom and looked in our cooler we brought along. I opened it and the ice was all melted and Dad told me he was going to empty it out and buy more at the store before we leave Spokane. I had some yogurt and used one of Aunt Bridgett’s spoons.
“When are we leaving?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” said Dad. “It’s only a three hour drive to get there depending on how bad the roads are. We don’t need to leave early because we can get there in a couple of hours. Besides, you kids seemed to be having fun here.”
Matthew was playing Blast Corps on my Nintendo 64.
Soon Mom came out with her hair brushed and her small bag. Then she went back in the bathroom and took out the waste basket. She took it outside and brought it back in after dumping it out in the trash outside and put the wastebasket back in the bathroom. I also brushed my teeth and put my stuff away so I wouldn’t forget it when we leave. Then Dad took his shower while Mom folded up the blankets and grabbed our pillows and stacked them on the sofa. Then she folded up the sleeping bags and put them on the sofa and started to deflate the big mattress.
“Kids, you want to lie on this to push the air out?” Mom asked.
Matthew paused the game and jumped on the air mattress.
“Matthew, don’t jump on it, you will break it,” said Mom.
Jaymee got on it too and started to push her hands on it. I lied on it while the little kids rolled on it and Jaymee pushed down on it listening to the air coming out. None of the big kids joined in. Mom also deflated the other mattresses in Jaymee’s room and Amber’s and told us there was more. Then the shower shut off. Jaymee went in her room and got on the air mattress and pushed the air out of there. Matthew went in Amber’s room and jumped on it again.
“Matthew!” Mom screamed.
The bathroom door opened and Dad poked his head out. “What’s he doing?”
“He jumped on the air mattress,” I said.
“I told him to not do it and told him why and he did it again anyway,” said Mom.
Dad came out with a towel around him and said, “Matt, we cannot afford to buy any new air mattresses so we don’t need any of them popping. They are made for sleeping on, not used as a trampoline.”
Then he went back in the bathroom and closed the door.
I waited for Matthew to get finished so he could finish playing his game. I really wanted to play my Nintendo 64 but the game was on pause. I just walked around.
“Sit down, you’re making me nervous,” said Amber.
“Then don’t look at me,” I said and kept walking.
“Go outside and walk.”
I kept pacing day dreaming in my head thinking about James Bond and playing my game.
“Natalie,” Amber cried.
“Then why don’t you move out of this room,” I said.
“What is going on?” Aunt Bridgett asked.
“She won’t stop moving around in here and it’s making me nervous,” said Amber.
“I want to play my game but can’t because Matthew is playing his,” I cried.
“He isn’t playing it now so turn it off,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“No then he might get mad,” I said.
“If he isn’t playing it, he wouldn’t have any business getting upset about it would he? That’s the rule we have in this house.”
Then Dad came out of the bathroom with his pajamas and other stuff and put them away in the bag. His hair was all combed and he was all nice and clean.
“Matthew, your turn to shower, you haven’t had one in a few days,” said Mom in Amber’s room.
“I don’t want to turn his game off because I would hate it if someone turned my game off,” I said to Aunt Bridgett.
Aunt Bridgett left and I heard her talking to Mom and Matthew. Then Aunt Bridgette came back out.
“They say you can play your game.”
I was happy and I turned the game off and put in GoldenEye and started playing it.
“Do you always play that game?” Amber asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Why?”
“It’s my favorite.”
“I don’t know why lot of people like that game, I hear kids talking about it a lot at school.”
“Cool,” I said.
“You would probably wear them out with it and then they move onto something else to get into and talk about.”
I was playing the Bunker level. It was with James alone without Natalya because he hadn’t met her yet in the game. In the movie they meet on the helicopter before their death and James saves them both with his head get it? He pushed the eject button with his head and they both shot out of the helicopter in their seats before the two torpedoes hit it but in the game they meet in the bunker.
Mom tried to get Matthew to take his shower but he complained about the water being too cold so Mom let him go without one. Dad just sighed and grunted about how she keeps letting him have his way and letting him go dirty and the water isn’t even cold.
“He can shower tonight before bed,” said Mom. “You know Matt, he likes it nice and hot and it’s not that hot anymore. Perhaps next time we should have him shower first.”
I went onto playing Kirby 64 next using my own file. I found the game fun and I enjoyed finishing the levels and I liked the abilities Kirby could have from his enemies. He would suck and swallow. Dad didn’t seem pleased with my joke when I said Kirby got stoned because he turned himself into a rock from one of his abilities he got. I didn’t know why he was being so weird and he said “do you know what being stoned is? It’s using drugs and getting high with it, it’s not funny.”
At least Amber found it funny and so did Jesse and Timmy because they laughed. But I still didn’t understand why Dad got so upset, Kirby didn’t even do drugs, he just turned himself into a stone and started walking being a huge rock and then he would turn back into his old self and rocks would explode off him killing enemies nearby.
“Stone Kirby again,” said Matthew.
I got him stoned again.
“Matthew, your sister was very inappropriate so stop,” said Dad. “See Natalie what you did? You need to be setting a good example for the little kids here.”
“It’s just a joke, don’t be serious,” said Timmy.
“Yeah,” I said. “At least he can take a joke.”
“It’s inappropriate, drugs are bad and illegal and they shouldn’t be joking about it,” said Dad.
Dad was being so weird. It’s not like Kirby is doing drugs.
I waited until Dad was outside with Skippy before I started joking about stoning Kirby again and Matthew kept telling me to stone him. Then he would say, “Natalie stoned Kirby again” and “Natalie got him stoned again.”
“That joke is getting boring now,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“Yeah I agree,” said Mom. “I’m already bored with it.”
“Natalie never gets bored with her jokes,” said Kelly.
“I suppose Uncle Glen has a problem with the Bob Dylan song “Everybody Must Get stoned,” said Amber.
“Or that Beatles song, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,”” said Timmy. “That song is also about drugs.”
“Or “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton,” said Aunt Bridgett.
“Gold Dust Woman” By Fleetwood Mac, I heard that is about drugs,” said Mom.
“Under the bridge,” said Timmy.
“What?” Aunt Bridgett asked.
“Under the Bridge” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. It was also about drugs,” Timmy replied.
“Stone Kirby again,” Matthew chanted.
I heard Kelly sigh. “I can’t wait for Dad to come back.”
I got tired of the stone ability and got rid of it and sucked in other enemies for new powers.
“Aw man Kirby won’t be stoned anymore,” said Matthew.
“Hallelujah,” Kelly said.
I didn’t like the stone power alone because it was so boring and he turns into a rock only and then you can’t even jump or run, you can only walk.
I kept playing the game beating other levels and trying to get items at the end of every level. It was either getting a star or some health or a ? mark card.
We spent all morning at Aunt Bridgett’s house all morning long. Dad got some ice from the store and he took the cooler outside and emptied everything out of it and dumped it and put new ice in it and put the food back in and put it in our car. I was told to get dressed so they could pack the car back up again. I picked out what to wear and got dressed in Jaymee’s room and I brushed my teeth and hair. I put everything back in the big bag. Mom took our blankets back out to the car and the air mattresses and our pillows. Dad also brought the big bag back out and put it in the thing on top of the car.
“Kids, put the Nintendo 64 away,” said Mom. “We need to bring the box out to the car so pack up.”
I turned the game off and unplugged everything and stuck the game system in the box with the cords and controllers. Dad took it out to the car and put it in the back and put other stuff on top of it.
Soon everything was packed and Aunt Bridgett and her kids were not leaving until tomorrow because they only lived three hours away and then they would leave in the evening. I saw her getting ready to leave in her pos car to go to work before we left. That is what Dad calls it because it’s old and junky. Sometimes he spells the word out. It’s an old 1984 Chevrolet station wagon. It’s red and it has some paint peeling off. The inside was all dirty and filled with dog hair. I wouldn’t want to ride in that car; it would feel like riding the outdoors. Aunt Bridgett also had a roll of paper towels with her and some Windex. She had them in the car on the floor.
“Why do you have paper towels in your car?” I asked before she left.
“The hose to the windshield doesn’t work so I carry them in my car to wash the windshield when it gets too dirty, especially this time of year,” she replied.
“Why not get it fixed?”
“I would rather use the money for other things than getting it fixed and it’s a luxury and I have more important things to pay for than fixing a hose so it’s cheaper to use Windex.” Then she said “Bye everyone. See you on Thanksgiving.”
Bridgett got in her car and started it and it made a funny sound as it ran. Her car blew lot of fumes out of the exhaust pipe. We got in our van and Mom turned it on.
“Her POS car needs lot of work,” said Dad spelling out the word. “I think it’s about time she gets a new one.”
“If she can afford it,” said Mom. “She doesn’t have lot of money.”
“I remember our pos truck we used to have. Us and Brian would always ride in it and it was a 1967 Ford pickup truck. I got it for two hundred bucks when I was in college.”
“That was cheap,” I said.
“Not then it wasn’t. This was the seventies before we had Brian,” said Dad. “Well I guess you can say it was cheap, it was ten years old when we got it and it was what we could afford then and we had it for thirteen years and then it quit running on us so I sold it for the same price and these two men bought it and fixed it all up and got it all running again and did a repaint job on it and restored it.”
Mom was driving to get to the freeway.
Dad turned on some music and The Beatles came on. It was the Abbey Road album.
“Amber was telling me what it’s like not having much money,” said Kelly. “They get free school lunches. Aunt Bridgett sends them to school without breakfast so they can get a free one at school because it saves them money on food. They get their clothes from thrift stores or yard sales and other stuff too they could use, their washer doesn’t work so Aunt Bridgett has to take their clothes to their neighbor’s to wash them and they are nice to let them use it but she is worried they will get fed up and she will have to take them to a laundry place to do it, they have no cable or internet or computer, she is always too embarrassed to go to birthday parties because she can’t afford a birthday present. Sometimes Aunt Bridgett goes without food so her kids can eat and when she runs out of food stamps, they have to eat Top Ramen noodles and skip meals and they all sleep in the family room for heat because it’s all she can afford and sometimes she has them all bundle up in winter clothes to keep warm because she can’t afford to heat every room in the house and she always has to hope her car won’t break down again and every time a trip comes, she has to save up for it and be even tighter with her budget and have to hope her car won’t break down. Her kids have had to wear clothes that were too small because she didn’t have the money to buy more.”
“She has been struggling this bad she never even asked for help?” Mom asked.
“Mom, Amber said she feels so embarrassed about it she doesn’t like to be a burden to anyone and always asking for money. They have even gone without electricity a few times too.”
“I thought they had programs to help low income people for that, didn’t she sign up for it?” Mom asked.
“And don’t they have lee yap for poor people?” Dad asked. “It helps them pay for heat.”
“In the summer, they just open windows or run a fan in the room,” said Kelly. “They have also had to take cold showers because she couldn’t afford to pay the gas bill and they don’t have trash service because it saves her money so she would rather take it to the dump herself when she can afford it and she has to watch how much she uses her gas and where she goes and plan her days when she uses her car so she won’t run out of gas quicker and so she can use her car less as possible and she has had to call them in sick because she didn’t have enough in gas to take them to school and didn’t have the money to get more. Their TV doesn’t always work so they go without it sometimes if the screen goes out.”
This was all so sad. I was so glad I didn’t live that way and couldn’t imagine living that way. I wonder what would have happened if one of my cousins was incontinent too? How would Aunt Bridgett afford diapers?
“Cool, they’re so lucky to stay home from school, I would be missing the bus intentionally if I was them,” said Matthew.
“Aunt Bridgett just makes them do nothing if they do that and she makes them be Cinderella so they wouldn’t want to miss the bus,” said Kelly.
“What do you mean by Cinderella?” I asked.
“Remember when the evil stepmother and the evil stepsisters would always put her to work while they did nothing?” Kelly asked.
“Yes.”
“That’s what I mean. Aunt Bridgett will just make them work all day until school is over.”
“I gave her that idea,” said Mom. “Make it not fun for them so they wouldn’t want to miss the bus because there wouldn’t be free time at home.”
“They’re poor and they have a dog, they should get rid of the dog,” said Dad. “That will save her more money. At least she doesn’t drink anymore or smoke but she should stop buying makeup and nail polish for her daughter. That will give her more money there and let’s hope she doesn’t buy any snacks or desserts or soft drinks you call it. That will save her some food stamps.”
“Glen,” said Mom.
“I’m serious,” said Dad. “If she is that poor, she should be managing her money better. As my father used to say, poor people have poor ways. At least she shows some intelligence already despite how dirty she is.”
“So you’re saying she should never have any desserts or fun foods like the rest of us?” Mom asked.
“If she is that poor, yeah, she should be buying what is important and you don’t need soft drinks or dessert or any chips or any junk food or be buying any make up and nail polish and what are they doing with a dog? They shouldn’t be having one, what if the dog gets sick or gets hurt? They would also be saving on dog food too or do they feed him table scraps? They should also be using rags and old socks for toilet paper instead of buying it.”
“Their washer doesn’t work,” said Kelly.
“They use their neighbors don’t they?” said Dad. “They should be doing what we are doing now. That will help them out. Also maybe they should quit flushing the toilet and limit showers. Maybe Amber can only shower at school and that is the only way she can be clean and Timmy too.”
“Ew,” said Matthew. “Now their bathroom will smell.”
“They will flush it if they poop in it or pee a lot in the toilet and then flush it at the end of the day just like us,” said Dad. “Natalie, you should start showering at school, do they have showers there?”
“I am not going to be seen in my diapers,” I said.
“Glen, no you’re not going to make her shower at school now instead of at home?” Mom asked.
“It will save us more on water,” said Dad. “Kelly you should shower at school too and not at home. You too Matthew.”
“Nooo,” Matthew cried.
“Glen, enough,” said Mom.
“I don’t wanna shower at school,” Matthew cried.
“We have to save money,” said Dad.
“We are not going to live this way because of your mistake,” Mom shouted.
“If you can find a job, then maybe we won’t or unless Kelly wants to start pitching in with the bills using her money she earns.”
“Dad,” Kelly cried.
“We’re taking this trip and spending it on gas and we won’t be doing anything in Missoula except free things and buying food we need and then we have to really start budgeting because we had to spend it on food and gas.”
“Great, we’re going to be like Aunt Bridgett and expect others paying for us,” I said. “We’re going to be cheapskates just like them.”
“Natalie, who told you that?” Mom asked.
“Told me what?” I asked.
“You just called my sister a cheapskate, who told you that?”
“Dad,” I said.
“Glen,” Mom yelled.
She immediately pulled over.
“I never told her that?” said Dad.
“Yes you did,” I said.
“Well she doesn’t lie so why else would she say you did?” Mom yelled.
Oh no, I had started a fight between them again.
“I don’t know where she got that from but I never said they were cheapskates. She must be mistaking. Natalie where did you get they are cheapskates?” Dad asked.
“You told me a cheapskate is when people always pay their way and they never pay for anything and that is what we do with Aunt Bridgett and her kids,” I said.
“No no no, I never said that about them, I told you what a cheapskate is and I should have said that doesn’t apply to people who have no money. Aunt Bridgett isn’t a cheapskate because she has no money. Now if she made lot of money like I did and she lived in that house and lived the way she does now and lived the way I suggested, then that would make her a cheapskate. Especially if everyone always paid her way so she can get to her family reunion or paying so her kids can do some entertainment with their cousins.”
“Whew, this was just a misunderstanding,” said Mom and she got back on the road and kept on driving to the freeway. “You really need to be careful what you say to Natalie Glen. You just gave her the wrong idea about what a cheapskate is and what if she had said that about someone else?”
“I didn’t know she would think that,” said Dad.
“It would take me a lot of willpower to not slap someone if someone called me that so I can’t imagine if she said it to the wrong person and she got socked in the face for it,” said Mom. “So good thing she said it here and you corrected her.”
Soon, we were on the freeway heading out towards Montana.
Kelly talked more about Aunt Bridgett being poor and how different they live than we do. Didn’t they get stuff from charity or food banks? Dad kept suggesting what they should be doing instead. He even suggested they should limit using power in the house, limit TV time and music and only do quiet things that don’t require electricity, have a bed time and go to bed at a certain time and keep the lights off. Mom then said she didn’t want to hear anymore and it’s too upsetting. I thought the whole thing was sad and I couldn’t imagine living that way. No way would I want to live with them and I was glad we weren’t poor.
“Kelly, enough,” said Dad. “We don’t need to hear anymore, you’re being like your sister.”
“Hey,” I said.
“You go on and on and that is what Kelly was doing,” said Dad.
“Kelly can be a un normie too,” I said.
Kelly gave me a look.
“You wouldn’t be so different anymore,” I said.
We kept listening to The Beatles. I have always liked the Silverhammer song. What’s funny is the guys’s name in the song is named Maxwell Silverhammer but yet he goes around killing people with a hammer.
“Isn’t it funny how his last name is Silverhammer and he kills people with his hammer?” I asked. “His name sure fits.”
“It’s Maxwell’s silver hammer, not Maxwell Silverhammer,” said Dad stressing the s sound at the end of his name. “It does sound that way but they are saying Maxell’s silver hammer,” he said stressing the s again. “They are talking about his weapon he is using which is the silver hammer.”
I felt stupid for what I said. “Man I am so stupid,” I said.
“No no no, I thought the same too for a bit until I also listened to the words carefully and looked at the title.”
“I thought it was Maxwell Silverhammer too,” said Matthew.
“See Natalie, you’re not dumb,” said Dad. “Matthew made the same mistake too.”
We listened to the rest of the song. This song is one of my favorites. It did sound like they were saying “Bang bang Maxwell Silverhammer came down on his head, bang bang Maxwell Silverhammer made sure that he was dead.” I wasn’t stupid after all.
I wonder why Maxwell killed the judge in front of everyone.
We stopped at the rest area when we got to Idaho. I had to change my diaper because who knew when we would stop again and find another rest area.
“You may have to learn to change in the car,” Dad told me. “There won’t always be a rest area and or any gas stations or a McDonalds for you to change when you need to.”
I headed to the restrooms with my backpack. There were some people around but it wasn’t packed and there were commercial trucks parked in the truck area. There were trees around so it was like being in the forest. That was because we were getting close to the mountains again. Dad told Matthew to not pee in pubic again and do it in the toilet. Mom went in the restroom too. Kelly also went in there and there was a little line. Only one person was waiting and we had to wait. Kelly went in the open stall before me and then the next stall opened and it was my turn. I went in the regular stall and hung my backpack up and hung my coat over the stall door. The floor was wet from the outside. The reason why I hate being incontinent. I tried wiping it up using toilet paper and putting it in the toilet. Then I took my shoe off and pulled down my pants leaning against the stall wall to hold myself up. Then I put my foot on my shoes and took off my mother shoe holding up my pants using my teeth and took the shoe off and pulled my pants off and put my foot back on my other shoe. I hung them over the stall door too. I took my diaper off and stuck it on the toilet and spread my legs out a little to keep the pee from going down them in case I have an accident. I opened my backpack and pulled out a diaper. I realized my wipes were buried in there and I wasn’t going to set it on the floor and take out all my diapers and get them all dirty so I went without any rash cream or cleaning myself up. It wasn’t like I pooped. I also wasn’t worried what anyone thought because I would never see them again. I put the diaper on and flushed the toilet. I put my pant back on and my shoes. I put my coat on too and hid my wet diaper under my coat. I had my backpack with me of course. I tossed the diaper in the trash when no one was looking. Mom was in the stall and Kelly was already out because she was outside when I walked out. I went back to the car and Skippy was nowhere in it. I saw Dad was walking him in the picnic area.
Soon I saw Mom and she got herself a hot cup of coffee. She came back to the car and put it in the cup holder.
Soon Matthew came out too and got in the car.
“Where’s Skippy?” he panicked.
“Dad has him,” said Mom.
Matthew calmed down.
Kelly got in the car too. Mom turned the car on and we listened to The Beatles again. It started where we left off when we turned the car off. Soon Dad got in with Skippy and we were ready to hit the road again.
“Another cup for Kelly to pee in,” said Matthew.
Kelly didn’t say anything. We got back on the freeway again and headed towards the mountains.
“I’m hungry,” said Matthew.
“There’s food in the cooler,” said Dad.
“That’s not real food,” said Kelly.
“Well we have to save money so I had your mother bring some food along.”
“I don’t want to live like Aunt Bridgett. They never eat on the road. She just makes them go hungry and bring what they have from home.”
“I have to be frugal now so we may have to live poor now so we won’t go broke.”
“This sucks,” Kelly cried. “I don’t want to live like Aunt Bridgett.”
“Then go hungry, your choice. Unless you have your own money, we can still stop somewhere so you can buy your own food.”
Kelly sat back and sighed.
“Well which is it? Do you have money to buy your own food?” Dad asked.
“I’ll just starve.”
“Okay.”
Matthew looked in the cooler to see what we had. He also looked in the paper sack at what other foods we had and he had chips instead. I was also starving so I had a pop tart. I was scared about living poor now. I didn’t want to be poor. I pictured us having a pos car and the van going bad and becoming a piece of junk because they couldn’t afford to fix it. I also didn’t want to go without hot water and have cold showers or go without power. It was bad enough we were already losing cable and internet. I hope Dad never makes us get rid of our pets just to save on pet food or on any future vet appointments. I also didn’t want to be cold in my own house. I also hoped he wouldn’t make me start wearing cloth diapers in public and to school or take away my odor pills.
“This is so gay I have to pay for my own food now,” said Kelly “What’s next, telling me if I want you to keep cable and internet, pay for it myself?”
“That’s right,” said Dad.
“This bites. I have to pay for things now like I am an adult?”
“Welcome to reality Kelly, this is what I do all the time and it’s all about managing your money and thinking what you’re going to have to spend it on and what is more important, your clothes or your friends or internet, cable or food in your stomach. Take it as learning how to manage your money for real now and by the time you’re done with high school, you will know all about saving and budgeting and be ahead of everyone and you will be so responsible and mature they will wonder how you do that. At least you have an income already. The other two here will just have to figure another way to earn their own money if they want it so bad.”
Mom took a sip of her coffee again.
“Where did you buy the coffee?” Dad asked.
“I didn’t buy it, it was free,” said Mom.
“And you got me none?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t know you wanted any.”
“You never think about me,” Dad complained. “It’s always about you.”
Mom handed her coffee to him, “Here take a sip if you want it,” she said. “You expect me to read your mind silly Glen.”
“No forget it,” said Dad pushing her coffee away. “It’s about being generous and thinking of others and I always have to tell you to do things, especially when I am sick. I shouldn’t have to ask you to give me food or anything to drink or the time I stubbed my toe and you didn’t even offer me any help, you just asked me if I was fine and I said yeah and you went back to ignoring me.”
“You said you were fine, what is your problem?” Mom yelled. “I offer you my coffee and you tell me to forget it and you’re still mad, why are you doing this?”
“How hard is it to think of others?” Dad shouted.
“Have my coffee,” Mom yelled putting it in his cup holder. “There, I just thought of you. Happy now?”
“That doesn’t count.”
Mom growled. “Nothing I do is good enough.”
“No, I just don’t want you finally doing stuff after I have complained. I shouldn’t have to complain to get you to think of others.”
I covered my ears. I didn’t want to hear any fighting. Why was Dad being mean now? Because Mom got herself coffee and Dad got none? If he wanted some, why didn’t he get any himself?
“I buy you a cup of coffee at Fred Meyers but you don’t get me any at the rest area?” Dad shouted.
“See, that is what I was talking about in my paper,” said Kelly. “She only thinks about herself.”
Finally the car pulled over fast. We were still on the freeway. Mom got out.
“Hey what are we stopping for?” Dad asked.
Mom just stomped off in the cold. Cars drove by and it wasn’t as busy as it was in Spokane. Mom wandered into the grass that was next to the freeway. Dad got out of the car too.
“Great,” said Kelly.
“Why did Dad get so upset, Mom offered to share her coffee and if he wanted his own, we could have stopped or somewhere,” said Matthew.
“Mom always thinks of herself,” said Kelly. “That’s what he is mad about.”
“He never said he wanted any,” I said in defense. “She did offer to share him her coffee, that is thinking of him.”
“That isn’t the point.”
“All you normies are so weird,” I said.
“It’s you two versus me huh?” said Kelly.
Then all of a sudden I saw Mom socking Dad in the face after he grabbed her. Dad grabbed his face and rubbed his glasses. Mom just ran off. Kelly then got out of the car holding Skippy back. Skippy was whimpering and growling as he was looking at the window at them. The Beatles still played on our player.
“Are his glasses broken?” Matthew asked.
“I don’t know,” I said.
I wasn’t sure when Mom was coming back to the car. We just sat here with it running with the heat running. Kelly was outside with Dad. Then Matthew went outside closing the door. I was the only one alone. I could still see Mom. Why did Dad have to get her so upset over a cup of coffee?
No one had coats on outside and I could tell Dad was freezing because of how he shook his body and held his arms to his chest. I grabbed my coat and got out of the car closing it to keep Skippy inside.
“When are we leaving again?” I asked them.
“Whenever your mother wants to drive again,” said Dad.
I saw his glasses were not busted.
“Why did you have to get her so mad?” I asked.
“All I did was tell her what she does bothers me and she gets so defensive,” said Dad. “She never takes any criticism.”
“Geez we can just get some coffee if you want your own so much,” I said.
“You and Matthew are both missing the point,” said Dad. “This isn’t about the cup of coffee, this is about her only thinking about herself and never about me or anyone else.”
“I didn’t even know you wanted coffee so how would she know too?” I asked.
“She could have at least told me there was some there.”
So this is about coffee and he says it isn’t. He wasn’t making sense.
I walked away and walked over to Mom.
“Your father I such a jerk,” she said. “I hate it when he gets like this. Even your sister does this too sometimes.”
“Why did you punch him?” I asked.
“He wouldn’t stop screaming at me and then he grabbed me so I hit him. He can just have my coffee if that makes him happy. I’m so sick of people thinking I only think about myself and only care about myself.”
“People have said that to me too,” I said. “Even Dad.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I got it. I knew it wasn’t too long ago since it was only this year when it happened. Kelly has thought I only care about myself and Veronica said that to me and another kid at my old school. It seems like no matter how much I care, someone will still think I don’t care.
“When are we leaving?” I asked.
“Whenever your father stops being a dumb ass,” Mom yelled.
I went back to Dad and said, “Dad I want to get going so stop being a dumb ass please.”
“Hey,” he barked. “Don’t talk to your father that way. That isn’t a way to show your parents respect.”
“But I want to get going and Mom won’t leave unless you stop being a dumb ass she said.”
“So that is what she thinks I am doing? She called me a dumb ass. She thinks everyone is a dumb ass. Every job she has had she always complained about there being dumb asses and then getting frustrated she quits. I wonder how long it will take her to get another job and quit again. Let’s all make a bet children and I will give you some money whoever wins.”
“How about a video game,” I said.
“What’s wrong with money?” Dad asked.
“I want another Nintendo 64 game,” I said.
“You can buy one with the money if you win.”
“How much will it be?” Matthew asked.
“Well how much does a Nintendo game cost?” Dad asked.
“Forty nine ninety nine,” I said.
“Okay, so fifty bucks. The winner will win fifty bucks so predict how long it will take for Mum to find a job and how long she will keep one.”
“What if it’s half?” Kelly asked.
“Well then you get twenty five bucks,” said Dad. “Okay pick how long it will take her and pick how long she will keep that one.”
I thought. None of us knew how long it would take Mom to get one since she hadn’t worked in eleven years and I was too little to even remember her getting one or even having one and Kelly was just a baby and Matthew wasn’t even born yet. Brian would know but he wasn’t with us.
“How long would it take Mom to get one?” I asked.
“Four years for her first,” said Dad. “That was just at a minimum wage job and the second time it took her five months. The longest she had ever kept a job was two years but before, that would only be about three months and sometimes she would get one fast and it was all based on luck.”
“I’ll say she won’t find one until February,” said Matthew. “Then she quits in May.”
“Any of you kids have anything to write with? You will write down all your predictions and I will keep it safe with me and whoever is the closest or gets it correct wins fifty dollars or twenty five from me,” said Dad. “Or we can wait until we get to Missoula and do this, Mum must not know about this.”
“Why?” I asked.
“She will get upset with me if she knew.”
“Then this isn’t even a good idea,” said Kelly.
“Why?” I asked.
“Kelly, don’t ruin it for us,” Matthew.
“I’m out, I’m not doing this,” said Kelly and she went back to the car.
“Okay, it’s just you two now. Natalie, what’s yours?” Dad asked.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“If you don’t pick, then there will be no bets.”
“C’mon Natalie, pick,” said Matthew.
“We have the whole trip,” said Dad. “She doesn’t need to pick now.”
It was chilly out here and my hands were freezing. I got back in the car and sat back down. I saw Dad walking towards Mom. I wondered if another fight was going to occur.
Matthew was still outside with no coat on. How can he stand the cold?
Skippy was lying on his doggy bed. The Beatles still played.
Soon Mom and Dad came back to the car and so did Matthew.
Finally.
“Buckle up everyone,” said Dad.
I put my seat belt on. Matthew complained about his so he left it loose around his waist. I was so happy to be on the road again. Mom did not drink her coffee again. She just left it in the cup holder. Dad told her she can drink it but she refused because it got him so upset. Dad apologized but Mom still wouldn’t drink it and said it was his now. Dad just sighed and shook his head. I wondered why.
We drove through Coeur d’Alane and into the mountains. We had Pink Floyd on now because the other album had ended. This part had always been my favorite part of the trip, going through the Rockies. The only thing about it is my ears get clogged and then they pop and I remember Matthew whining about it and crying because he couldn’t stand the pressure. I used to hate it too but I never cried about it.
We went through all the small towns in the mountains including the Dante’s Peak town where it was filmed. The Pink Floyd album was over by then. There were no rest areas throughout Idaho on I-90 until we got to Montana. We stopped so Skippy could walk around since he was getting restless. The whole rest area looked new because of the building. I wonder when it was built.
“No peeing outside,” I told Matthew.
My diaper was fine so I didn’t need changed. Mom left the car and headed to the restrooms. I felt glad I didn’t have to leave the car and step out in the cold even though Mom had turned it off. It was colder up in the mountains so I put my coat on to keep warm and did some coloring by numbers again. There was some snow on the ground up here. I saw Matthew trying to make some snow balls with his bare hands.
Soon everyone was back in the car and we hit the road again. Mom had dumped her coffee out and threw it away. Before she got back in the car, Dad had said, “Mum takes things so extreme. I tell her how she doesn’t think about others or me and now she won’t drink her coffee.”
“You got mad at her,” I said. “Would you still want something if someone got mad at you about it if it’s going to remind you about it?”
Dad didn’t even answer. Mom got back in the car and buckled up again.
We stopped for gas in St. Regis and Skippy walked around again. It was just a small town with very few buildings around. It wasn’t much of a town. I walked around in the building and it had a restaurant and gift shop and a little convenience store and the gas station and a small casino. I found it odd you had to be eighteen to gamble instead of twenty one and you could be eighteen and be in a bar instead of twenty one. It was all in one building and the ceiling was low I parts of the building. I would say this was one ugly building. I also noticed a sign on the door at the gift shop “Free ride in the back of the police car if you shoplift.” So if I wanted to ride in the police car, all I have to do is take something out of this store and not pay for it first. I wondered where they even kept their police car. I saw Kelly buy something in the store and she also got herself a drink too. It was with her own money so I got nothing. I also saw Matthew grabbing some candy. I felt left out. I had no money. Matthew kept looking and I walked away. I just looked in the gift shop and Mom was in there too. I saw her sniff an item. So that’s why I do it.
After we got gas we were back on the freeway again. What was funny was Mom parked our car and just sat there in her seat and Dad asked her is he getting the pump or her and she realized she could pump her own gas again because this wasn’t Oregon anymore. Dad said he used to do it all the time when we first moved to Washington, always sitting in the car waiting for someone to pump his gas forgetting he was in Washington because we live so close to the state border but he is sure some people have gone to Oregon and tried pumping their own forgetting they were in Oregon or were not aware of their state law because they are travelers and there are no signs anywhere saying to not pump your own gas and it’s state law and they have people do it for you. Dad told us the story about when they first moved up north when I was three months old, they stopped for gas and he didn’t realize he was in Oregon and he wasn’t aware of the state law either so this gas attendant screamed at him threatening to have him arrested for committing a crime so Dad got back in the moving truck and went to another gas station and the person there was friendly and told him about their state law when Dad told him about the incident at the other gas station. They had to leave a few things behind because they didn’t have the money to move it all so they just repurchased new furniture when they got to Portland and found a place to rent. It was just a tiny house they lived in in the southeast area and it was less than one thousand square feet. They had their other things stored in the garage that was detached to the house they couldn’t fit inside. They still had their California licenses and license plates but never got any Oregon ones because they realized they may live in Washington when they were looking at homes. But the house they lived in no longer existed because it got torn down some time ago and a new home was built. It was just a tiny house with two bedrooms and a kitchen and living room and there were no vents, just those little things in the walls you turn on to heat up each room Aunt Bridgett had. They had a good sized yard and Brian would play ball out there and practiced hitting it with a bat and there was a park they could walk to that had a playground and Mom would take Brian there to play and she would push me in my stroller and he sometimes would bring his bat along and ball to play with.
Soon we made it to Missoula and the freeway ran along the city and there were very few buildings on the left side. We drove to the downtown area and got off and found Nate’s house, Grandpa’s brother. We parked in front of their house and got out. I could see Grandma Del was already here and Grandpa. Their car was parked on the driveway. We went up to the house and walked right inside. Dad scolded us for not knocking.
“I don’t see why we should knock if they are expecting us, are you scared they will have a gun and mistake us as a home intruder?” Mom asked.
“It must be an American thing to not knock when it’s family,” said Dad. “Your own family is always coming in our home when they come or is it a family trait.”
Mom didn’t answer. We just continued walking inside and we were greeted by my grandparents and my Great Uncle Nate and his wife Gladys. I was all ready for the hugging while Matthew ran off in the house to avoid it. They quickly hugged me and I was so glad it was all over. They all hugged Dad and Kelly but Uncle Nate and his wife didn’t hug Mom because she wouldn’t let them. She only let her Mom and Dad hug her and her sister Elizabeth. Uncle Tom just touched her on the shoulder. I saw Uncle John sitting in a chair in the living room looking at nothing. Aunt Elizabeth gave me a hug and so did Uncle Tom. None of their kids were with because they were on their own with their own families. I didn’t see Aunt Celeste anywhere. She was always my favorite Aunt to be with because she was always with them whenever they came and visit and she always played with me and it was like playing with another child. But when I started wearing diapers again, she had a hard time with it because she has a problem with people wearing diapers and babies too and it grosses her out because of the poop and pee. She never liked babies and elderlies and always found them gross and then I was gross all of a sudden and Grandma and Grandpa always yelled at her about it if she had a problem being around me. But soon she got used to me wearing them just as long as she never had to change me and I don’t leak on her or smell. I never sat on her lap anyway or slept in bed with her. She even said she would never want to be married to a guy with incontinence. I have a narrow minded aunt and she hates incontinent people. Grandma said she was out of diapers before she was two because she hated wearing them and she figured out how to use the potty when she was sixteen months. She never liked being wet or messy and would always cry after one accident. I think she was born to hate poop and pee so she never liked diapers because of it and babies because they poop and pee themselves and so do elderlies who are so old they can’t control their bladder anymore or bowels so she also hates incontinent people too. She still lives with her parents but she was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she is out somewhere or somewhere else in the house.
“Brian didn’t come?” Uncle Tom asked.
“Nope, he decided to have it with his girlfriend at her parents,” said Dad. “So it’s just the five of us this time.”
“Where is Aunt Celeste?” I asked.
“Oh she got a boyfriend finally and stayed with his family,” said Grandma. “She didn’t want to come all the way out here.”
“A boyfriend finally at twenty-six,” said Mom.
“Yeah, they have been friends since last spring and now they are a couple.”
I hope I don’t get a boyfriend at a late age. I still haven’t had one yet and other kids my age have.
Grandma started to tell them how Aunt Celeste met her boyfriend. Then she said, “She was diagnosed with Asperger’s this summer and her boyfriend is in for the diagnoses.”
That word again. It sounds like ass burgers when you look at it. That is how Gary says it and he uses a pause between the word and he stresses the s sound as in how you say ass. But Mom says that is not how you say the word and Grandma said it like As Burgers. That is how Dad said it too when I heard him say it once.
“Luckily the doctor said it’s mild but she has emotions of an adolescent. She fights and argues with me a lot. Throws tantrums whenever she doesn’t get her way,” said Grandma. “One day she came home late from her boyfriend’s place and I get up and tell her ‘Where were you?’ and she says ‘At Mark’s’ and I tell her ‘You never told me you were going to be home late, I was worried.’ Then she gets real defensive and tells me ‘Why? I’m an adult, not a child’ and then we get into this argument about her telling me how late she is going to be out and telling me where she is going before she heads out and then she starts to yell and she screeches ‘Why do you guys have to treat me so differently? I don’t see my brothers and sisters calling you and telling you where they are going and how late they are staying out’ and I tell her ‘They don’t live with us and you still do. You don’t have a job, you’re innocent, there are lot of people out there who are waiting to take advantage of someone like you because you’re naive.’”
“Well she does deserve to have normal rights,” said Mom. “This is all reminding me of when I was in my teens when you were trying to restrict me. It’s going to put friction on your relationship and she is just going to rebel like I did and pretty soon she will move out too and live with her boyfriend. But I guess that is a way to get your kids to move out. Want them out of your home, just treat them that way and they will get so sick of it they will move out eventually.”
“But she is my last child and she’s my baby. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her,” said Grandma.
Wow, Celeste a baby?
I remember every time Grandma and Grandpa came over to visit, Celeste always came along because she still lived with them and still does. She was a kid then too. She would always bring her stuff over, video tapes, her toys, puzzles, etc. and she would play with me and Kelly. I can even remember her bringing some videogames along. She always seemed like a normal person to me and now she’s a baby?
“Celeste’s a baby?” I asked loudly.
“Not that way,” Grandma said and then laughed. “All parents see their last child as their baby but they don’t mean they are actually babies and they crawl on all fours and wear diapers and eat in a highchair. They mean they are their child, their baby as in their last child.”
“Just like I told you Natalie in the car,” said Mom.
I still didn’t understand but at least I knew Celeste wasn’t a baby again.
“I don’t see how the way she is acting has anything to do with immature emotions, I think any adult would get irritated if they were treated that way. How else are they supposed to act?” said Mom.
“Not like a teen that’s for sure,” said Grandma. “They would use words instead of throwing a tantrum or screaming and try and compromise.”
Then Grandma continued talking about my aunt.
“She has a job now but she works part time. We are in the process of signing her up for social security.”
“What’s social security?” I asked again.
“Just wait,” Grandma said. Then she turned around and looked at Mom again. “Wow you and her alike, both interrupt,” then she laughed. “But don’t worry Celeste does the same and so do I and the rest of your brothers and sisters, and her boyfriend.”
“So what got you into deciding to take Celeste to a doctor to see what was wrong with her, again for like the fifth time in her life?” Mom asked.
“Well about a year ago I found an article in the paper about Asperger’s and most of it fit her so I thought could this be her and why she was different than the rest of her peers and she seemed to have real strong interest in one thing and never wanted to talk about something else. All she wanted to talk about was what she was into and whenever we try to change the subject, she get up and leave because we were now boring to be with. Also she didn’t like change very much and she did take things literal too but not as bad as you. So I showed the article to her to see what she thought of it and if she agreed if it fit her too. She did agree and we went to consult a specialist about it and it took us a few months to get the diagnoses. When she was little, I’d try to take her in to see what was wrong with her but she was labeled odd, she has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, sensory disorder and balance problems, hyperactivity, anxiety issues, and they also said she had obsessive compulsive disorder, and they said she had a learning disability. Her school also thought she had behavior problems but none of them seemed good enough because she still didn’t get the help she needed and I knew she didn’t have behavior issues. So I discussed it with the psychiatrist and I showed him all the medical records of her from the past and after three months he said she did have Asperger’s.”
I just wandered around the home feeling bored. I heard Grandma and Mom going in the basement. Grandma was still talking. Dad was bringing stuff inside from our car and he carried it down to the basement. It’s all homey down there because it had carpet and lights and it looks like a regular home down there than a basement except it doesn’t have windows except basement ones.
“I’m not interested in finding out,” said Mom to Grandma. “I have enough badges.”
“But don’t you want to understand yourself better?” Grandma asked.
“And what would it change?” Mom asked. “Things will still be the same and what do I need it for?”
“Maybe it will improve your marriage and family.”
“Forget it Del, she has been through with doctors,” said Dad. “I can’t get her to another one and the only way I can get her to go is if I tie her up and carry her out to the car and drive her to one and carry her inside but that isn’t an option.”
I kept walking around and I wanted to do something like get out of the house like we have before. It was already starting to get dark because the sky was starting to get dark. Kelly had seemed to have found something to do because she was looking through a book they had.
“I’m bored,” said Matthew.
“Me too,” I said.
“Play with your toys you brought,” said Dad.
“Is there a TV I can hook my Nintendo 64 up to?” I asked.
“In the basement,” said Nate.
“Does it have a VCR? I need a VCR to hook it up,” I said.
“Sorry, we only have one.”
The TV the VCR was hooked up to was in use because it had a basketball game on TV.
“We should have brought our TV set,” I said.
“At least John isn’t bored,” said Dad. “He found something to do all right. Natalie, Matthew, why not do what John is doing, sit down in a chair and think and stare.”
“Do you kids want to go out?” Grandma Del asked.
“Yeah,” I shouted.
I didn’t care what we were going to do, I just wanted to get out of this house if I couldn’t play my game.
“Where are we going?” Matthew asked.
“What do you want to do?” Grandma asked. “I also need to stop and get some stuff anyway for tomorrow.”
I hated being asked this because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Matthew got upset with the question.
“I don’t know, I just want to get out of this house,” I said.
“Well we could see a movie or go to the mall, go downtown and look around,” Grandma suggested.
The mall sounded better. “Let’s go to the mall,” I said.
“Matthew, do you want to go to the mall?” Grandma asked.
“Is that it?” he asked.
“And the store to get some stuff for tomorrow,” said Grandma.
“What store?”
“Safeway, Walmart. Kelly, you want to come to the mall with us?”
Kelly put the book down. “Cool, sales free tax shopping,” she said.
Montana also doesn’t have sales tax just like Oregon.
Grandma told Mom and Dad we were going to the mall and then to the store for some stuff and she also told Grandpa where she was going and Nate and Gladys. We headed out to the car and I remembered to bring my diaper bag along. I took out some diapers to make it lighter and I saw the wipes in there. I also stuck my rash cream in there too and got in Grandma and Grandpa’s car. Matthew and Kelly got in too and we all buckled up. Grandma refused to move the car unless Matthew was all buckled in. Talk about being tough. We just sat here and Kelly told him to just put his seatbelt on so we can go to the mall.
Matthew complained seatbelts hurt him and they feel uncomfortable. He even put it on but had it on loose and Grandma wouldn’t accept it. Finally I grabbed him and so did Kelly and we both tried putting it on him right and he screamed and fought both of us off but I held his arms while Kelly tightened his belt. But he took it off when we let go.
“Matthew, you stay here then, get out,” Grandma ordered.
“Yeah, get out,” I said.
“No,” he cried.
“Then put it on or we’ll make you get out,” Grandma yelled.
Matthew put his seatbelt on and frowned. But he put it on loose.
“Make it tighter,” said Grandma.
Matthew tightened it more.
“More,” said Grandma.
“This is how tight it will go,” said Matthew.
“Tighten it for him,” Grandma.
Kelly pulled at his seat belt making it tighter and it was snug on his tummy and he put the shoulder strap behind him.
Grandma finally pulled out of the drive way. At least she didn’t make him wear the shoulder strap.
“It didn’t take you long at all,” she said. “This is how I always got my kids to wear their seatbelts, the car wouldn’t move unless everyone wore a seatbelt. Celeste hated wearing hers and she complained how she didn’t like how it felt on her tummy or hips but I still made her wear one even if she cried and screamed and she also hated her car seat.”
“What did they look like then?” I asked.
“Like chairs,” said Grandma. “They looked like nothing like they do now.”
“Who else sat in one besides her?”
“Jane did and so did Caitlin but they were not as good as they are now. We had other car seats when your Mom was little but they were nothing like \
‘they were in the seventies. They were just intended for kids to see out the window than protecting them and they didn’t have seat belts. You just attached them to the seat with the hook they had. I remember there were car seats that looked like a beach chair.”
I was fascinated by the car seat history and I have always wondered what they looked like. I knew what mine looked like because I remember it and then Kelly sat in it and then Matthew until the wreck. It had medal bars around it with a thing that went over your shoulders and it buckled you in and the seat was soft like furniture.
I asked Grandma more about the car seats my aunts sat in in the seventies. She said they didn’t have a head rest, they were ugly, not comfortable as they are now, you had to use a regular seatbelt for the child’s lap, the seats were leather, they barely protected the child and Aunt Jane flew out of hers when she had to slam on her breaks once because that was how poorly they were made then and if she did a sharp turn, the car seats would flip over. They still had medal bars around it and the thing that went over. I tried to picture an old car seat in my head.
“Do you have any photos of one?” I asked.
“I didn’t bring any old family photos with me so no I don’t have one,” said Grandma. “And if we needed more room in the car, we just took them out and had them on our laps.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because we could fit them on our lap and they weren’t too big.”
“But why would you even need them if you had no room for them?” I asked.
“Oh no I mean your aunts, not the seats,” Grandma laughed. “You got confused.”
Soon we were at the mall. She parked the car and we all got out. We went in the entrance and it lead us right into the mall. It was just a long corridor with historical pictures of Missoula. I looked at them and was fascinated by them. I saw they also had Christmas stuff up already. It was all one floor and the place didn’t even look like it had changed since it had been built. But I like original places, it shows history. I saw the video game store and went right inside it. They had a bunch of old game systems and video games going all the way back to the first Nintendo. They also sold used Nintendo 64 games too and other used games they were still making. I looked around. I decided I would come back later after I get through looking at the other stores. We walked around some more and they had the candy store, Hot Topic, Claire’s, Sam Goody, KB Toys, Spencers. That place had some awesome key chains and it was just tiny board games and you could actually play them and they also had an Etch A Sketch key chain and it was also playable. They also had some mini baby toys on key chains. The mall also had a Hallmark store and some learning store and they sold work books and activity toys and stuff for teachers to buy for their classroom. They also had a store called Herberger’s and it was in two different stores in the food court. That name made me think of hamburgers and the word Asperger’s. It was just a clothing store. It had a rose at the beginning of the name. I had forgotten about the store they have here. They have another store here called Dillard’s and it makes me think of the name Dillon and it’s also a clothing store.
After I got through walking around the mall and looking at stuff, I went back to the game store and looked around some more.
“Find anything you like?” Grandma asked.
“Yes, a lot,” I said.
Matthew was looking at the old video games and making a mess with them knocking them off their hooks.
“Matthew, don’t make a mess,” said Grandma. “Pick the games up.”
I kept looking and I looked at all the old Nintendos. I was surprised people would even trade in their Nintendo 64 games and their system. Why wouldn’t anyone want it anymore? Maybe they got bored with it. I will never get bored with mine and get rid of it.
Then Grandma decided she would buy us some games. I got so excited I jumped up and down and hugged her thanking her and she told me “Natalie, not so tight. You’re hurting me.”
I let go, “Sorry,” I said and went back to looking.
“This will be your early Christmas present so don’t expect any from me when the holiday comes unless you want to give them to me and I will wrap them up and mail them to you and you can open them on Christmas or I can do it on this trip and send it home with you and you can open it on Christmas,” said Grandma.
I was so happy I picked out all the games I liked but Grandma told me she couldn’t buy them all. Kelly got no game but Matthew got a few. I even looked at the new games. I couldn’t even decide. We were here for a long long time and Kelly just walked around the mall by herself. I saw an old James Bond game for Game Boy. I decided to take the game. I looked at other Game Boy games. I could not decide what games to pick. If I won a sweepstakes and got tons of money, I would buy all the games I want and all the game systems I want and all the clothes I want. I saw some cool clothes at Hot Topic but they were all expensive. My diaper was very wet and I could feel it and I was starving. I had to find the restroom to change. I told Grandma I needed a bathroom.
“What for? You are wearing one,” she said.
That was so embarrassing. She had said it out loud.
“I need to change,” I whispered.
“You do it on your own now?” she asked in her normal voice.
“Not so loud,” I hissed.
“Why? They’re never going to see you again.”
Now I could see where Mom got that from. She was always telling me that about my diapers and telling me who cares what they will think, they will never see me again.
“Last time I saw you, your mother was just teaching you how to do it on your own. I don’t need to help you do I?” said Grandma.
“No,” I said.
I didn’t dare to look at anyone to see if they were looking at me.
“Good, just go find one and we’ll be here,” she said.
I walked out of the store and walked around the mall looking for one. I saw a man emptying out the trash so I asked him where the restrooms were and he told me to keep on walking and they will be on the right at the other end. I remembered to thank him and kept on walking. Towards the end of the mall I saw the sign for them and I walked down the hall to them and there they were. I went to the women’s restroom and changed my diaper in one of the stalls. I took my pants and shoes and socks off and had them hung up over the stall door. I cleaned myself up and changed into a fresh one and put my pants and socks on and my shoes. I put my backpack on and carried my used diaper under my coat and threw it away. I washed my hands and went back to the store. I went back to looking at the Game Boy games. They were all hung back up on the rack again I had left on the floor. I grabbed them again and I had too many to hold so I started sticking them in my coat pocket to hold them. I kept looking and realized the games I was holding were missing. Where did I put them? I looked for them and couldn’t find them. Maybe I set them down somewhere and someone else saw them and took them and paid for them and left. I found the same ones I liked and reached in my pocket to put the games in but I felt something else instead. I took them out and saw they were the games I couldn’t find. So that is where I put them. Good thing I had stuck my hands in there or else I wouldn’t have known I had them in my pocket and I would have shoplifted them and the alarm would have gone off as I left. Then I would look like a shoplifter. That would be so embarrassing. I took the games out and reminded myself to not stick anything else in my pocket unless I have paid for them. I put the other games back and looked around.
Then I saw Kelly. “You guys are still looking?” she asked.
“You picked any games out yet?” Grandma asked us.
“I can’t decide,” I said.
“I want all of these,” Matthew was holding a bunch in his arms.
“I can’t buy all those, then I wouldn’t have any money for Christmas shopping,” said Grandma.
I saw Kelly had a Claire’s bag in her hand.
“What did you get?” I asked.
“Some earrings,” she said.
“Natalie, what do you have in your hands, let’s see what you got here,” said Grandma.
She looked at all the games I had. “How about you go with the cheapest,” she said.
“Okay,” I said.
That made it easier. I looked at the games again. I wish all the games would cost a dollar. That would make it a lot easier.
Matthew was having a hard time deciding too so I overheard her telling him to try and pick games out that cost no more than twenty dollars.
Kelly folded her arms and tapped her foot. “C’mon guys, make up your minds.”
“I can’t, my head won’t unscrew,” I said.
“Very funny,” she said.
I kept looking at all the games I had with me. I had some Sega Games, Nintendo 64, Game Boy and Game Boy Color, and Super Nintendo games. I had to make a decision. I picked James Bond, Mickey’s Ultimate Challenge, Pac Mania (I hope that was the game I had played when I was little and it allows you to jump over the enemies), Super Mario 64, and Mario Kart 64. Matthew had some games with him too and Grandma was looking at them.
“You’re not getting all those games are you?” she asked.
“You said I could get them,” he protested.
“I never said you could get them all, I can’t afford it, you can get a few games and that’s it and I will see if it’s in my budget.”
“I want this game,” he held it up and it was a Nintendo 64 game.
I couldn’t figure out what it was. Grandma looked at it. “Glover, is that it or do you want another one?”
“I’m picking this one,” he said again.
“That’s it, just that one?” Grandma asked. “Natalie, what are you getting?”
I told her all the games I was getting and she looked at them. “How about you get two, you each get two games.”
Now I had to decide what games to put back again. I looked at the games again I had. Matthew was looking at the games he had.
“Matthew, don’t put that in your pocket, you might forget it’s in there and end up stealing it,” said Grandma as she pulled a game out of his coat pocket.
Grandma helped Matthew figure out a game to get and he had Glover and Clayfighters. Then Grandma had to help me figure out what games to get and she told me again go with cheapest price. The Nintendo 64 games were out because they were more expensive. I hate money. I wish everything was free sometimes but I know what would happen if everything became free. I just wish I was rich or won a huge money sweepstakes. If I had my own job, I would make so much money I would buy all the video games I want. I now had three games to pick between. I couldn’t make up my mind. I have never played James Bond but I remember Pac Mania and I have played Mickey’s Ultimate Challenge and it’s just a bunch of games you play and I used to rent it sometimes before the video store got rid of their Sega and Nintendo games and replaced them with the new games. I could remember when they had them up for sale instead of for rent and we bought some instead of renting them when we went there to rent video games and movies. Grandma was nice to let me get three games. I wondered how Matthew would feel when he sees Grandma was letting me get three games.
“What about Matthew getting two?” I asked. “Shouldn’t he get another one then?”
“I suppose you’re right, Matthew, go pick out one more game.”
Matthew got excited and looked at the games again.
Kelly just sighed. “Why do they get games?”
“Go pick some out but I might have to make them not get three anymore,” said Grandma.
“I don’t want games, why are you buying them for them?”
“It’s their early Christmas present.”
Matthew picked out another game and Grandma looked at it. “Uh I am not sure about this rating,” she said.
“I have played it before, it’s awesome,” said Matthew.
“But were your mom and dad okay with you playing it?”
“Yes. My brother rented it.”
“Did they know you played it?”
“What is the game he picked?” I asked.
They didn’t answer. I just grabbed the game to see what it was. War Gods, I read.
“Uhhhh,” said Matthew.
“I can’t let you get adult games,” said Grandma.
“It’s not an adult game, it says seventeen and up,” Matthew corrected.
“But still, it’s rated Mature and it says seventeen plus so that is close to being an adult. I don’t want to get scolded by your parents I let you get a game they don’t approve because of the rating. Pick another game.”
Matthew looked at the games again and picked up another game. It was some racing game this time.
We went to the checkout counter and waited our turn. When out turn came, we put our games on the counter and the man behind it asked “Did you find everything okay?”
“We sure did,” said Grandma.
The guy scanned them all and told us the total. Grandma paid for them using a card she had.
After she paid for them, the guy put them in the bag with the receipt and handed it to us. Matthew carried it out of the store. He swung it around but Grandma stopped him and told him he could hit someone with it.
“So do you guys want to keep your games or do you want me to wrap them up and give them to you for Christmas?” Grandmas asked.
I didn’t want to wait until Christmas so I said I wanted mine now. Matthew said the same too.
I was starving again because my tummy was growling. Matthew said he was hungry.
“There is probably dinner back at home and we need to stop at the store,” said Grandma. “Let’s leave now so we can get home sooner.”
We left the mall and headed back to the car and got in. We left and Grandma stopped at Walmart and it was a super center.
“Hey you said you were going to Safeway,” said Matthew.
“No I said which stores I might go to, I didn’t mean I was actually going to go to them,” said Grandma.
“But you said Safeway and Walmart,” said Matthew.
“Does it matter where we stop?”
“You said we were going to those two places, you lied,” said Matthew.
Grandma sighed. “Did you get that from your mom? I didn’t mean I was stopping at those two places because I wasn’t sure and you asked.”
Matthew stayed upset and Grandma told him he could just stay out in the car then and mope. Kelly and I went inside with Grandma. She got some stuff she needed for tomorrow. The whole store was huge and bigger than a normal Walmart. I could also tell the place was brand new because it smelled like it. It was also crowded. Lot of people were here shopping.
After Grandma got everything she needed, we went to the checkout and she used the express lane that was for ten items and less. It already had a line so we were waiting. Then someone waited in line behind us and he obviously had more than ten items.
“Look, that guy has more than ten things and this lane is for ten items or less,” I said to Grandma and Kelly.
Grandma saw it and said to him “This counter is for ten items and less, you have too many, go to the right checkout.”
“Mind your business,” he said.
“No because it is my business, it’s not fair to the other customers, you have too many items in your cart, either put some back or get to the right lane.”
This felt like déjà vu except Grandma was staying calm and she wasn’t yelling or grabbing his stuff. She kept telling him he had too many items and to put some back or go to the other line. I joined in telling him to get to the other lane and he is breaking a rule or I will just toss stuff from his cart.
“Natalie, no,” said Grandma.
“That’s what my mom did,” I said.
Grandma grabbed the guys cart and pushed it out of the line and a few people clapped who were waiting in the same line as us. I pushed it too and it hit someone else’s cart as they walked by.
“Get out of here,” I said.
The guy finally took his cart and left.
People were clapping.
“Some people think the rules don’t apply,” said Grandma.
I was amazed how the guy listened.
“Wow he sure listened finally,” I said.
“People feel intimidated by me for some reason,” said Grandma. “It’s a gift.”
Now I could see where Mom got that from except Grandma didn’t act the way she did at Safeway.
“You’re like our Mom except you’re less obnoxious,” said Kelly.
“She was a lot of work growing up,” said Grandma. “It was hard but we got through it.”
Our turn came and she put her stuff on the counter. After she got done paying, she carried the bags out to the car. Kelly and I got ahead of her. Then we heard some commotion and there was some ugly guy bugging Grandma calling her a bitch and Grandma growled and started to chase after him and he took off running, she picked her purse back up and her bags.
“What happened?” Kelly asked.
“That kid thought he could just snatch my purse from me because I wouldn’t spare him any change and he was so surprised how I could fend for myself. People underestimate my age,” said Grandma. “I am fit as a fiddle despite popping out ten kids and I still look good down there but don’t get me wrong, I still have a big hole down there.”
“Big hole?” I asked.
“Where the baby comes out,” said Grandma.
“Gross,” said Kelly. “Gee you really are like Mom, you say too much.”
“It must be our family gene,” said Grandma.
When we got to the car, Matthew was nowhere to be seen.
“Oh great,” said Grandma. “Get in girls and we will drive around and look for him.”
Kelly and I got in the car and buckled up. Grandma put her bags in the passenger seat and buckled up and turned the car on. She drove around the parking lot looking for him.
“God damn that kid, does he do this all of time?” Grandma asked.
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” said Kelly. “He never goes far. He thinks everything is a lie when you don’t keep your word and if things come up.”
“How does he do it all the time?” I asked.
“I would give him a great spanking if he were my own child,” said Grandma.
“Mom and Dad never spank us, I can’t remember the last time I have been spanked,” said Kelly.
“I thought you get too old for spankings when you get to kindergarten or first grade,” I said.
“Heavens no, if they are very naughty, they deserve a spanking if they are going to act like a baby,” said Grandma.
“How is running away being a baby?” I asked.
“It’s very selfish and immature and little kids take off all the time. I remember the time Celeste took off when she was about seven and I was so worried sick about her I finally founded her, I spanked her right there in front of everyone and she was so embarrassed she never took off again.”
Whoa, a public spanking. I don’t think I have ever been spanked in public, oh wait I have, I was spanked around my family when I threw a beer bottle and it broke and Dad pulled me over his lap and pulled down my pants and spanked my bare butt. I wasn’t embarrassed at all. No wait I remember I was throwing rocks at the geese when I was nine and Mom caught me doing it and she grabbed me and slapped my butt once and told me to knock it off or I am sitting out. It didn’t even hurt because she didn’t hit me that hard and we were in public. I still wasn’t embarrassed. I have never been spanked at school or in a store or at a mall or at a pool or lake or playground, I only remember getting them at home and in the park for throwing rocks at the geese.
We drove around the parking lot and around Walmart and left the lot and went across the street and looked. We found Matthew over there walking. Grandma pulled up and rolled down her window. I mean she pushed the button and the window went down. “Get in now,” Grandma ordered.
“You lied to me,” he yelled.
“In, I am telling your mom and dad what you did.”
Matthew got in and he folded his arms and frowned.
“If you were my child, Matthew, I would be pulling you across my lap right now and give you nine swats on your naked behind,” Grandma yelled.
Matthew covered his ears.
Grandma told him the story about our Aunt Celeste taking off when she was about seven because she got upset about something she can’t remember what and she had to look for her and she even had security called and she finally found her and right when she saw her, she pulled down her pants and bended her over and spanked her right there and she never did it again. “That was very immature of you, so three years old,” said Grandma.
Grandma refused to move the car unless Matthew put his seat belt on.
“We’re all hungry and you’re going to let us starve,” said Grandma. “Put your seatbelt on so we can all eat.”
“C’mon Matthew I’m bored,” I said.
“Yeah don’t be selfish, put it on,” said Kelly.
Grandma turned the car off. “No use wasting gas if we’re just going to sit here.”
“But we’ll freeze,” said Kelly.
“Put your coat on,” said Grandma.
Kelly put hers back on. I had mine on the whole time.
We sat here for a few more minutes.
“I want to go home,” Matthew cried.
“Put your seatbelt on first,” said Grandma. “I remember this commercial when your mom was a kid, buckle up for safety buckle up…” and she sang the song. Then she told us back then seatbelt looked a lot like the belts you have on airplanes and they didn’t have shoulder straps and there was no law then you had to wear one. But unfortunately if you got in a car wreck, there was nothing to hold your upper body back so you still went forward slamming your head on the seat or dashboard or on the steering wheel so they still didn’t protect you but it was a start. I could remember the song from Mom because she sang it sometimes in the car and told us about the old commercial.
“Brrr it’s cold,” said Kelly.
“I’m hungry,” I said.
“When Matthew puts is on, we’ll all go home,” said Grandma.
“What if he never puts it on?” I asked.
“Then we all sit here.”
“Even at night?”
“Yep.”
“Just put your seatbelt on,” I said to Matthew. “I want to go eat.”
I couldn’t believe Grandma would just sit here all night or all evening long if Matthew never put his on. She had always had this rule as long as I could remember.
Matthew finally put his seatbelt on and we went home. Grandma went home (not my home) the other way. Matthew was not pleased with the different route and Grandma ignored him. She just threatened to pull the car over if Matthew screamed too loud and kept kicking the dashboard and we would all just sit here until he is done. Matthew was pissing me of because he was making it all difficult for us and Grandma was being stubborn because of him.
“Should I take your games back?” Grandma asked.
“Nooooo,” Matthew cried.
“Then stop this right now or I will turn this car around and go back to the mall and return your presents and you will get nothing for Christmas,” Grandma yelled.
Matthew tightened his body and held his breath and held his legs up to the seat. Grandma pulled back on the road again. Matthew kept his body close to him and he still held his breath.
“Grandma, when Mom was a child, did you really have a rule about if your kids wanted to have a private conversation, they had to do it in their room?” Kelly asked.
“Yes,” said Grandma.
“I was talking to her one time and my sister butted in and Mom didn’t care because she said if it was a private conversation, we would be doing it in her room or mine or in the den or somewhere private and she said that was the way it was in her family growing up.”
“Yes because it wasn’t a big house we lived in and there were lot of us living there and the phone cords were so long you could take the phone with you and go in your room with it depending on how close it was to your bedroom or hide in the closet if you didn’t want anyone listening in on your conversation. They didn’t have walk around phones then.”
“So she did take it literal,” said Kelly.
“No, that was the actual rule we had,” said Grandma.
“I mean she took it so literal she thinks that’s the rule everywhere so she has it in our home and there isn’t even lot of us living in it.”
“But if you want a private conversation, you should still go somewhere private,” said Grandma.
“It was just us alone in the room and then she came home and butted in and Mom didn’t care because of that rule you had.”
“She can have her own rules. I can’t make her change them for you so you can be happier. You’re at an age now where you are starting to want more independence so you’re going to disagree with her rules and think of them as dumb.”
“You don’t understand,” Kelly began but Grandma cut her off.
“Look, if you want a private conversation and don’t want anyone butting in, just go in your bedroom or something, how hard is that?” she asked.
“That is what Mom said too.”
“See, we both agree.”
“You’re sounding just like Mom.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“No because she is cold and uncaring.”
“I guess I am too then,” Grandma laughed. “I raised her so I must have taught her to be that way and if she is cold and uncaring, I must be too.”
“Never mind,” said Kelly.
When we got back, I heard Grandma telling Mom about what Matthew did. I saw dinner had been cooked and Gladys told me there was stew they made and to just heat it up. I put some stew in the bowl for myself and had it cold. The TV was open and I watched what was on it on The Disney channel. I showered at eight and got my pajamas on. I brushed my teeth and went back to watching TV but it was taken by Matthew and Kelly. That got me upset because I had it first so I yelled and cried and moaned about how I hate going on this trip and now I am bored. They wouldn’t give it back to me and everyone else said it was their turn to watch it and I left it. Now that I was back, I should get it back and they watched it while I was in the shower.
I saw Grandma Del sighing. “John had his long episode today in the bedroom and now I have to hear it again but this time from my own granddaughter.”
“Natalie, you need to learn to be flexible and share, it’s part of life,” said Dad.
“I shouldn’t have showered,” I yelled.
I went to the basement and slammed the door. I felt like screaming and I had my hands in fists. I kicked at some of our stuff when I went downstairs. I threw the clothes around and our diapers. Our air mattresses had been blown up and were ready to be slept on and our box of stuff was down here too. I cried and sobbed. I wasn’t sure how to describe how I felt. I hate it when that happens.
Then Mom came down and didn’t like the mess. I was just lying on the couch down here lying down in a ball. Mom was picking up her clothes when Grandma came down and asked “Did you do this Anita?”
“What?”
“This mess, clothes all over and blankets kicked, diapers all over.”
“No,” Mom said madly. “You always think I did it every time the room is a mess.”
“You used to do it all the time so it’s always an automatic an assumption for me to assume it was you,” said Grandma. “You once kept me locked out of the house while all your brothers and sisters were away and you didn’t let your little ones let me in remember that?”
“Because you were being annoying so I locked you out,” said Mom. “Do you always have to bring up everything I used to do?”
“If you didn’t make this mess, why are you cleaning it up, it should be her job since she made it.”
“I’m just picking up my clothes.”
“You should have her clean it up since she made the mess, that will get her to not do it anymore.”
“Don’t tell me how to raise my kid, that’s the second time this night you have and butt out of our marriage okay.”
Grandma and Mom always fight too when they are together but yet she still sees her and lets her see us. Grandma says it’s because they both have different thoughts and they collide and Mom gets defensive and she is that way with lot of people so the reason why she could never keep a job or get along with people. Grandma says that’s just Mom and she doesn’t understand. Even Dad could never get her to understand either and when I asked Mom why, she said she doesn’t know she even does it and she doesn’t know when people aren’t criticizing her and how can it not be criticism if someone is being critical. How is it not being critical if they are? It’s like how someone can be mean to you and say they aren’t being mean. So everyone around her including Dad all have to be careful how they phrase things and what they say to her. I just ask her questions and people are too dumb to do it. It’s not hard to get along with her. Dad calls it a gift because I know how to talk to her.
“It’s called advice. You have never taken it well,” said Grandma.
“I don’t mind advice if it’s not telling me what to do.”
“I don’t know how else to say it without you thinking I am telling you what to do.”
“I didn’t ask for it and you sprouted it at me anyway.”
“I don’t know how your husband has stayed married to you this long,” said Grandma. “That’s impressive.”
They both argued and then Mom threw her clothes at her and ran upstairs and slammed the door.
“Hey,” said Grandma when the clothes were thrown at her.
Grandma looked at the mess. “Anita,” she sighed. Then she went upstairs too.
Skippy was in the basement too and he lied on the floor at the front of the couch. I just felt his back with my foot and used it to rub it. This was going to be a bad night.
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