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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 4:50:52 GMT
I posted this on Dailydiapers and this is the unedited version.
Chapter 1
Stretch. Yawn.
I woke up on Monday morning. Kelly, my bad sister, was already in school because she wasn’t in bed (I'll tell you later why she is bad). I looked at the time and saw it was past nine. Matthew was already in school too. But why wasn’t I in school? Because I got myself expelled is why for acting out a scene from GoldenEye and I had no idea it was a sex scene. My diaper was nice and wet. I rubbed it. I am incontinent so I have to wear them. I wouldn’t mind wearing them if other kids didn’t tease me about it. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be wearing them. I don’t really like wearing them but I like the feeling of a wet diaper and when I am messy. Only time I don’t like it is when they leak or when the mess is too soft it’s uncomfortable. I also hate the clean up so I stay in it. I use a shower for that but out in public it’s a pain to clean up and I use tons of wipes for it. I use regular toilet paper to get most of it off. I wish I could wear something in my butt hole to keep the poop in so when I sit on the toilet to go, I can release it and bam all of the poo comes out. I wish there was such a thing. I would do it every night before my shower if there was such a thing. Then I wouldn’t have to clean it up anymore and only have to wipe my butt. I kept rubbing the outside of my diaper. I also smelled pee under the covers. I have to sleep on my back to avoid leaks but sometimes I roll to my side. I started sleeping that way when I was about eight because I hated waking up in a wet bed and I got used to sleeping on my back. But I still leaked sometimes but not as much. I wish they would put padding on the sides too instead of only in the front middle and back. I wonder why baby diapers never leak and adult ones do when we sleep on our sides. Babies can too and they still won’t leak. I wear two overnight diapers now at night to avoid leaks. I finally got out of bed and went downstairs. I would change later like always on no school days. It was a school day of course but for me it wasn’t. I always change after I eat breakfast. On school days, it’s Mom that usually changes me and gets me dressed for school because I am always so tired in the morning but on none school days, I am on my own and I get up whenever I want. On school days I always have breakfast after Mom gets me out of bed for school and changes me and gets me dressed. I had a bowl of Trix and ate at the table. Mom was in the family room drawing. “Natalie, we are going to your school today to get your stuff and to drop off your uniform and to get a transfer,” she reminded me. “She doesn’t want me in her school,” I said. “You’re just getting your stuff and turning in your textbooks and you still need to drop off your uniform,” said Mom. “But she said she didn’t want me in her building,” I said again. Mom sighed. “I doubt she is going to have you arrested for trespassing just for getting your stuff, c’mon now.” But I still felt uneasy going to my old school. Ms. Penny, the school principal, had said she didn’t want me setting a foot in her school but she never said anything about being on school ground so I felt more comfortable being outside. Also I was wrongly arrested not too long ago because the officers thought I was drunk so I felt nervous going in my old school. What would kids say to me there if they see me? Then I remembered something, we only have one car because Dad crashed his from drinking and driving (more about that later). “How are we going to get to my school if we don’t have a car? Dad has it,” I said. “No he doesn’t, I took him to the bus stop in town so he could take it to work,” said Mom. I knew she meant bus, not bus stop because bus stops don’t move. “Why?’” I asked. I bet it was because she didn’t trust him driving because ever since he had crashed his car, Mom hasn't been allowing him to drive (except for work) because she doesn’t trust him. “Because I need the car so he had to leave early just to catch the bus but that is what he gets for wrecking his car.”
I finished my breakfast and put my bowl in the sink. I checked the dishwasher and saw it was still full from last night. I left my bowl and spoon in the sink and went upstairs. I got changed into a fresh diaper and took my dirty diapers out again and put in a new trash liner. I got on the computer and logged onto AOL. I typed in adult babies again and hit search. It has been my new interest lately. Ever since I have found out there are people that like to pretend to be babies, I have been hooked on it ever since and I also found out there is a word for people that like to wear diapers just for fun and they are called diaper lovers. I wish I could be lazy and not use the bathroom just like them but I don’t have a choice. I also wish I could choose to wear diapers just like them but I have to wear them or it’s wet pants and messy ones and Mom and Dad would not like that. I wouldn’t either. Would I be a diaper lover if I started to like wearing them? I was looking for new sites when I found one. I found Dailydiapers but I couldn’t see much because you have to be a member and it was eighteen and older only. I didn’t want to put in the email address to see the site so I clicked back. I found another site and clicked on it. The background was all blue and I looked around I browsed around on the website and it was made by a guy who likes to wear diapers and he called himself Deeker. I read a few stories there and every kid that wore diapers was a boy. He had so many of them there including his own he had written. I decided to read one of his. I found one that stood out for me and it was Heather the Babysitter. I clicked on it and started to read it. I was enjoying it so far. It was about a twelve year old boy who wanted to wear diapers and he was a late potty trainer and he decided to take a babysitting job so he could wear the pull ups because the parents were trying to potty train their four year old boy. Then Mom came in my room. “Get dressed,” she said and left. I kept on reading the story and then Mom came up again. “I told you to get dressed,” she said firmly. She went in my closet and pulled out some clothes and tossed them on the floor. “You don’t need a diaper do you?” “No,” I said. Right after I said that, I started pooping. “Now I do,” I said. Mom pulled my day time diaper out of the closet and tossed it on the floor. “That air freshener smell I cannot stand,” she said holding her nose. “What’s wrong with it?” I asked. “My nose can’t take it, it’s too strong for me,” she said. “I can’t be in her any longer so get dressed now,” and she left. We have an air freshener now to help with the smell of my dirty diapers. They were stinking up the room and Kelly didn’t like it so our parents got us one. She had to put up with it for seven years. We used to have our own rooms until Mom and Dad moved me into her room and moved Matthew into my old room.
I had to change my diaper again. I took my diaper and headed to the bathroom. I pooped more on the way. The door was left opened because Dad isn’t here. Mom has been keeping the bathrooms locked when Dad is home. After he was busted for drinking and driving, Mom bailed him out and made all the bathrooms off limits to him. I took off my pajamas and looked at my diaper in the mirror. I could see the mess I made. I rubbed it as I finished pooping in it. Then when I was done, I undid the diaper. The mess was in the middle and it was all over my buttock and pelvis area. I used the clean part of my diaper and wiped the mess off and tossed it on the floor. I washed the mess off in the tub and dried off and put the clean diaper on. I took my messy diaper and brought it back to my bedroom and tossed it in the diaper pail. I put my clothes on Mom had picked out. I got back on the computer and read some more. Then Mom came back in my room, “Are you ready?” she asked. “Yes,” I said. “Why can’t you do this alone?” I asked. “Because I want to make sure you have all your stuff or would you rather leave some of it there?” Mom asked. “Have all my stuff,” I said. “Okay, we are also dropping off the form for your bracelet.” “I hope no one says anything about my arrest,” I said. “What did we talk about before?” Mom asked. “Teens do stupid things and people will forget about this, it’s not like you killed anyone or held a robbery or abused a child, and also you need to leave the house at some point or you will be a prisoner in your own home. If things don’t go so good when you leave, you can stay but right now you need to leave the house and see how it goes. Be brave. Besides, the only person who should be embarrassed is your father and he still went to town and faced his fears. I don’t know if he got flack for what happened last week but we will find out when he gets home. Even I am still going to town and I should be embarrassed about it too but I still need to get out of the house to get stuff done. I will be waiting to hear how Kelly’s day went in school and Matthew’s.” I felt annoyed I had to leave so I felt irritable. I just wanted to get home ASAP. I didn’t think I needed my diaper bag (my backpack) because I was only going to school and the medical supply store and then home. We also live in a small town so whatever happens, the whole town knows about it because people talk and spread the word. But according to the latest road atlas, the town has about 10,000 people. It used to be six thousand in the old road atlas and according to Mom and Dad, when we first moved here; this town didn’t even have 5,000 people living here. They have built some new stuff since we have lived here like more houses and new places and Fred Meyer just opened here. It’s a department store chain in the Pacific Northwest. People keep pronouncing it Fred Meyers. I don’t see the S in the name so I always correct them. “Let’s go,” said Mom. I got off the computer. “Got your diapers?” Mom asked. “We’re coming back after two stops,” I said. “Got your uniform?” I grabbed it off the dresser and said “Yep.” “Did you take your pill?” “No.” “Take it.” I went downstairs and took my pill for my poop smell. It’s supposed to eliminate the odor smell to make it less embarrassing for me. I just started taking it. I decided I had to start leaving notes to remind me to take them because I keep forgetting and Mom and Dad have to keep reminding me to do it. I would hate to mess myself in class at my new school and have kids find out about my problem and then tease me about it and hate me for it. I want to try and hide it from them all and not ever have them find out. I hope Allie, Kate’s little sister, didn’t tell anyone there. She goes to that school because of her ADHD and the school she was going to was too over crowded so her parents felt it was better she was in a smaller school with less kids in each class. I have only met her twice. The first time was at her house for a birthday party and I forgot to lock the bathroom door and she came in without knocking and caught me changing. She did make fun of me for my incontinence and was mean to me until her mother talked to her about it and then she was nice to me after that. But she wore them to bed until she was eight so why would she make fun of me about my problem? The second time I met her was when I was checking out the new school and I found out she went there too. She is two years younger than me.
Time to introduce myself again, my name is Natalie Evans. I am fifteen years old and a sophomore in high school. I have blue eyes and blond hair and I have pierced ears. I live in Saltwater, Washington with my family and my brother Brian lives in Vancouver, Washington with his girlfriend Kate in their apartment. They are both in school. Kelly is my twelve year old sister and goes to Saltwater Junior High. Matthew is my nine year old brother and he goes to Saltwater Elementary School. They are in seventh grade and fourth grade. I am the oldest kid in the house now but yet it feels like Kelly is the oldest because I don’t feel my age. Kelly can do things I am not doing yet such as babysitting. I have only babysat them but that doesn’t count because they’re my siblings and no one has called me for babysitting once, they call Kelly instead or other kids. She has tons of friends and I don’t and she likes to hang out and do chit chat and I find that boring. She can do schoolwork and I can’t and her work is too hard for me. It makes me feel retarded. It also feels like she is older than me instead of younger because of what she does now and where she is developmentally. But she also feels I am her younger sister instead of her older sister because I “don’t know anything.” I don’t know things kids my age would know such as about people and make up and friends and fashion.
I headed out to the car and got in. If I want to be more precise, it’s minivan. My little brother is precise too so he will go by their exact words. He will correct someone if they call a pick-up truck a car. I would call it a truck too but I don’t say pick-up truck like Matthew does. I am not as precise as he is. It also annoys me when people don’t call things by their correct names like calling a binder a notebook. I used to not listen to my teachers unless they called things by their correct names like if my teacher told me to close my notebook, I would close it if I had one opened but I knew he meant binder because I learned after the first few times he means my binder and I corrected him each time but he kept on calling it a notebook so I quit listening to him unless he called it a binder. That would be like me calling a city a farm or my neighborhood a farm. We live out in the country with tons of trees around but we live in a neighborhood so I say we live out of town because saying I live in the country means just our house alone and no neighborhood and maybe a few houses around but they are so far apart. That’s how dumb people are and they don’t even have blonde hair. Maybe they were meant to have blonde hair but they were so dumb they took the wrong hair color gene and ended up with a brown hair or black hair or gold hair or red hair. Mom told me that one time when I was talking about blonde people being dumb and people who act like they are blonde because I love blonde jokes. I don’t know why people would be offended by them. They are so hilarious and not even real because blondes are not really stupid but people are too stupid to get it. Mom and I will sometimes joke about blondes and call each other a dumb blonde. She has blonde hair too like I do. Kelly hates being called a dumb blonde. If she hates it so much, then why does she keep acting dumb? She doesn’t listen and if she wants to be a smart blonde, listen. The boys in our home do not have blonde hair and neither does Brian. They all have brown hair. Funny how Brian and Matthew didn’t get Mom’s hair color and Kelly and I didn’t get Dad’s hair color. It was as if the gene wanted to keep the hair color separate for each gender. Mom started the car and we put our seatbelts on and left closing the garage door. The first stop we made was the medical store. I thought we were going to the school first but I can handle this stop since it’s only in and out. Mom just went in and dropped off the form and came back out and told me it will be at least a week or two and they will call us. Then we headed to my school, I mean old school. Mom pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. For some reason I felt too nervous to go inside because of what Ms. Penny said. “I don’t want her taking a step in my building ever again,” were her exact words and the false arrest and how kids would react if they saw me. Mom got out of the car and I just stayed put. “Natalie, c’mon, let’s get your stuff,” said Mom. “I am not allowed in the building," I said. “Natalie, I am sure they won’t arrest you for trespassing if you are there to get your things, I already told you.” I still felt too nervous to go inside. Mom had my car door opened and I just sat here. “C’mon Natalie or do I need to pull you out?” Mom asked. I didn’t answer. “Okay then” and Mom started to grab me. I screamed and kept holding the seat. “Natalia,” said Mom. “No no no,” I screamed. “You’re sounding like someone is trying to kidnap you,” said Mom as she let go. “Okay, I will go inside myself and I hope those bells won’t ring and kids come racing out and filling the hallways. Don’t get mad at me if I didn’t get all your stuff.” Mom grabbed my soccer uniform and went inside. I was hoping she will get everything. I couldn’t believe how scared I got when Mom tried to make me go inside and I am not allowed a foot in the building. I was just too frightened to go in there. I felt the different kind of nervous, it wasn’t the same as shyness. I was scared and her trying to make me go in there was like trying to make me doing something I am afraid of I am not sure how to describe it. How about jumping in front of a train or going in a burning building.
Mom was gone for a long time. I started to wonder if she was having a breakdown or got lost inside. How will she know to get in my lockers? How will she know which ones are mine? I thought about going in there to look for her and be brave but I decided to wait a little longer. Then I heard the bell ring. I wondered what Mom was really doing inside and where she was. I saw a few students come outside and walk in the parking lot. I didn’t really recognize them. I never knew everyone in my old school. I thought about going out and to find Mom to see what she was up to. I kept thinking maybe she was doing her weird behavior from the noise because she is alone. I wouldn’t be there to get crap for it from other kids telling me how retarded she is because I don’t go to that school anymore. Mom does not like crowds and she gets stressed out in them. Sometimes noise is too much for her too but that is why she carries ear plugs in her purse. Then she is deaf because we have to shout at her or get her attention when we speak to her. Lot of sounds hurt her ears and she has commented about sounds I couldn't even hear or little sounds distracting her or bothering her that are easy to tune out and she has heard sounds before me. My little brother has good hearing too but he isn't bothered by crowds but he has also complained about small sounds and heard things I couldn't even hear. Allie also has very good hearing, she heard me all the way up in their attic through the vents. I sometimes wish I had very good hearing but Mom told me I wouldn't want it and I should be glad because it gets so tiring and overwhelming and you can never have a quiet night or quiet time and buzzing lights gets annoying after a while and your ears never tune out other sounds from louder noise. Sometimes she wishes she would go deaf so she can have normal hearing and things would be quieter and she would hear less sounds so she uses ear plugs to manage it if it gets too much for her. They don't block out everything but at least things are quieter and she hears less. But it has come to an advantage like hearing us kids getting out of bed or us sneaking around or when we were babies, she would hear us cry and didn't need to use a baby monitor to hear us upstairs. No matter how quiet we were, she would hear us I could remember her talking while having her back turned to us. Whenever we would ask her how did she know, she would say she had eagle hearing. I decided I would wait even a little longer and if she never comes out, I was going inside and look for her and be brave.
I heard the bell ring again. I assume that is the next class that had started so the hallways should be clear and Mom is safe again but it takes her a while sometimes to recover when she gets overwhelmed from the crowd and noise. We have even had to leave places because of her but Dad will also make her sit in the car and wait for us or have her sit alone where there aren’t many people. I wonder how she even survived the hallways when she was in high school or even went to the dance with my father. She did tell me she always got detention for being late and she loved it because it kept her away from lot of noise and other kids so it was never a punishment for her.
Then Mom came back with my backpack and a bag. She opened the side door and tossed the stuff in the back seat and slammed the door closed. Then she got in on the driver's side. I felt happy she was okay and she made it back. But she was panting and breathing hard. “How was it?” I asked. “Hard,” she said. “Lot of kids in the hallway?” “Yes. I just hid in the bathroom until they were clear again and so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. I did that all the time when I was your age and always got detention for it because I was always tardy.” "How did you get in my locker?" I asked. "They gave me the combination and told me the number.” "Did you get my stuff from the locker room too?" "Yes," said Mom. "I got everything and your diapers and wipes but not the textbooks, I had to check those in and I gave back your uniform and I hate your principal but at least she approved the transfer. Now we have to wait.” “I was so worried about you,” I said. “You were? Why?” She had her keys in her hand and she put them in the ignition. “I was afraid you got lost or something and when I heard the bell rang, I got worried like maybe the crowd would be too much and you have your breakdown right in front of everyone.” Mom patted my head. “I’m okay,” she said. “But thanks for caring about me.” “I thought I may have to go in there and look for you and be brave but I’m glad you got out,” I said. Mom started the car up. I looked in the bag and in my backpack to see what was there. I saw my tubs of wipes and extra diapers. I also saw my PE clothes, soccer ball, cleats, water bottle, and shoes and other worksheets and assignments and other crap I had in my locker. “Is that everything?” Mom asked. “Yep,” I said. “Good. I guess I didn’t need you after all.” "You wasted my time coming." "Sorry." Mom pulled out of the parking spot and we left. She drove through downtown because it’s the only way to get to 259th Street to get home. But Mom made a turn and she showed me the bank Dad crashed into that is at the end of the intersection. I saw the rock wall was still intact but it was dented and the window was all busted and it had a red ribbon on it and thick plastic covered the whole entire window and the sidewalk in front of it was blocked off with yellow ribbon and those things construction workers use in the streets. There was also a sign on the door that was next to the window. “That is where Dad crashed?” I said. “Uh huh,” said Mom. “It doesn’t look bad,” I said. “Dad made it sound worse than it really was.” “What did he say?” Mom asked. “He said the wall was broken and he was in a building and thank god the place was closed or people in there would have gotten hit.” Mom laughed. “Silly Dad. Sometimes he exaggerates.” “Why?” “I don’t know. Some people just do. He just makes things sound worse than they really are.” She drove down the street and we drove by Christopher’s Bar. It was two stories and it had the bar at the bottom and above it were apartments or offices. Then Mom turned onto the road to go home.
When we got home, I went right back to my story. I had my stuff with me because Mom told me to not forget it so I brought it upstairs with me. The computer was still on and I read the rest of the story. I enjoyed it until it got too much because poor boy Stephen had all his stuff taken by his mother and it all got sold at a yard sale and the rest was given to charity. He was even forced to wear diapers because he was caught wearing Tyler’s pull ups while he was babysitting him. But his mother made him go without pants and she made him go out in public like that and she hired their next door neighbor who was sixteen and her name was Heather to babysit him. I would be upset too if I had to miss my TV show so I could understand why Stephen got upset, same as being forced to go to bed early when he usually didn’t go to bed that early. Heather made him miss The Simpsons because she wouldn’t give him the TV so he insulted her and his mother made him go to bed early and spanked him when she caught him up and Heather also made him go to bed early too but his mother found out he was reading a MAD magazine so she decided to take away all his stuff and sell it. I couldn’t imagine my own parents forcing me to sell all my stuff and I felt unhappy and upset for him. At least my parents don’t make me go without pants or give me restrictions or make me stay with them in every room. I couldn’t imagine being in such situation. I would probably burst into crying and not ever stop and have tons of stress and not be able to handle those feelings and have a hard time being good. Steven seemed to be handling it better than I would have. I kept on reading and found the whole thing sad. I also thought it was all child abuse the parents were doing. They were making him go to school like that wearing humiliating t shirts and making him wear diapers to school and having him get teased and harassed there and his sounded worse than mine if he couldn’t handle all the bullying. If I were him I may have killed myself or run away or go to the police. Wait, a police officer did find him when he was skipping school and didn’t seem to care how he was dressed. Even a teacher who saw one of his t shirts he was wearing told him he was pathetic instead of calling social services. The whole story was messed up. Then I was finished reading the story. I don’t even know why I bothered reading it if I didn’t like what was happening in it but I was hoping things would turn out good and it did sort of because he goes to some place for diaper wearing kids and he ends up in therapy and what didn’t make sense is why his parents put him there so he can get over his diaper desires and they wanted their boy back. Were they stupid? They forced him to wear them and if they wanted him to be normal, why did they make him wear them and humiliate him? Now they put him in therapy so he can get over his diaper interest? Did they have blonde hair? It took me about an hour and a half to read it all. If my parents did that to me, I would never speak to them ever again. Once I move out, I would never be in their lives again. I looked at what other stories to read and clicked on The Blue Package. It started with ten year old Randy leaving a store and he saw a package in the middle of a parking lot so he picked it up and took it home and they were baby diapers. Then I heard my sister come home. I had not played a trick on her all day long because I was too focused on the stories. She said nothing to our mother and she just came upstairs. I have been playing tricks on her since Saturday because of the mean paper she wrote (more about that later). Soon Matthew came home and he made me get out of the chair and follow him. I asked him what and he kept waving his finger at me telling me to come so I did finally. I followed him to the garage and he took me to Dad’s workbench that is at the back of the garage. He showed me some tiny rope and a bucket of nails. “We can pound in some nails and tie the rope to it so Kelly will fall,” he said. “What will Mom and Dad say about the holes in the walls and they may trip over it too,” I said. “We will just put them in the doorway and it will be to our rooms only,” said Matthew. “But they might catch us,” I said. “Do it when they aren’t home,” said Matthew. “Your room would be the best because she always comes in there after school.” “I hope I will be home alone again soon,” I said. So far Matthew and I have done Kelly germs, walking around her, putting toys on her bed and my cereal, Matthew set books on top of his doorway and had them fall on Kelly when she came in, I have put clothes on her cat Mittens, I have put all my diapers in her drawers and hid her underwear and I also put them outside on the fence and on our swing set. Matthew also put pumpkin guts back in her pumpkin while we were carving them. I also put a fake mouse in our bedroom with some cheese and Kelly fell for it. I put it where I think she could see it which was in front of the dresser and Matthew shook one of the pop cans and Kelly happened to grab it and it exploded when she opened it and she had to clean up the mess she made. I also did the hot water trick by putting warm water in the kettle and dunking her hand in it but it didn’t work. I read online it makes you wet the bed and it didn’t work with her. Instead she spilled it all over herself with her hand when she moved it. She has done some back to me like putting all my used diapers on the roof, putting pumpkin guts on my bed, and that was it so far. I also hid all her shoes, I just remembered that. Now I was thinking about what other tricks to play on her. Matthew then let me go back inside after he was done showing me what Home Alone I could do. That is what we call our game because Kevin would set traps in the movie for the crooks and whenever we want to set traps for someone, we call it Home Alone. It’s not Home Alone if we are just playing practical jokes. We used to play it all the time when we were little on babysitters we didn’t like and lot of our traps never worked but one time it did and the babysitter broke her leg and we were grounded for a month. That was the last time we ever played it.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 4:52:41 GMT
Chapter 2
Mom was making dinner when she got a phone call from Dad telling her he was back in town and he needed to be picked up. So she had to finish cooking and then she told us she was going to town to pick Dad up and she has food waiting for us and to not eat a thing until they are back. She left and it was just Kelly, Matthew, and I alone with our pets. We have three, one dog and two cats. Skippy is a yellow Lab and Princess is my gray Tabby cat and Mittens I don’t what breed she is. She is a black cat with white fur on her paws and around her nose. She belongs to Kelly and Skippy belongs to the whole family. I wonder how Dad got back so soon, maybe he got off early. I will wait until they get back before I ask.
Soon Mom and Dad came home. “How did you get home so soon?” I asked. “Did you get off early?” “I got off at five and I took the express bus. The express bus runs down to down town Portland and back and they take the motorway, I-5.,” said Dad. “Maybe this won’t be bad if I do lose my license for a while.” Where Dad is from, they call freeways motorways. They use different words for things and they have different grammar and spelling. “How does it come up here quick if there are always traffic jams?” I asked. “It’s an hour and a half bus ride,” said Dad. “They have the express lanes for buses so they get to their stops on time and it gets me home quicker too.” “What do the lanes look like?” “Like any normal lanes except they are marked for buses and carpools only,” Dad replied. I noticed Dad had his coat tied around his waist and his coat covered the front of his upper legs and crotch. “Why do you have your coat like that?” I asked. “I spilled some coffee,” he replied. “So why are you covering it?” “Because it looks like I wet myself and it’s very embarrassing,” “Ooo let me see,” I said. I raced over to lift the coat up but he backed away. “Natalie, no, it’s just a spill you don’t need to see it." “I wanna see how big it is and what it looks like,” I said. “You don’t need to see it, it’s just a spill.” “Why? What’s wrong with me seeing it?” “Natalie, please?” Dad yelled. “Just stop it. I had a hard day at work and I want to go upstairs and get cleaned up so quit harassing me!” He then said to Mom, “I need you to go upstairs with me and help me with something.” Mom took his hand and then said “No one eats until we come back down,” she shouted. I noticed a poop smell. Was that me? Matthew was in the family room watching TV and I was just standing here in the kitchen all upset he yelled at me all of a sudden. Why didn’t he want to see the spill? What was the big deal about me seeing it? It would only take five seconds. "Did someone fart or did Natalie poop her diaper?" Matthew called. Mom and Dad headed upstairs. I pulled my pants down a little and poked my finger in my diaper and felt no mess. Huh, weird. "Did you poop Natalie?" Matthew asked. "No I didn't poop myself, I already did this morning," I replied. "Then why does it stink?" "I don't know. Maybe Dad farted or something," I said. I wondered if he pooped his pants and that was the reason why he told Mom he needed her help with something.
I had to now wait for them to get done in their room before we all start eating. I was starving. First I had to wait for Mom to get home and now we have to wait for her to get finished with helping Dad. I went back upstairs and went back to reading. I heard Matthew pound on their door asking when they were done in there and he was hungry. Then he started to do a countdown from sixty. Then Mom and Dad came out and Mom called everyone to dinner. I finished reading the paragraph and went downstairs. I sat down at the table. Kelly came down too and saw the four plates again. She just went to the cupboard and grabbed a plate and cup out of there and she pulled out a spoon and fork from the drawer and sat down in her spot. We all started to eat. During dinner, Matthew and Kelly didn't say anything about Dad's incident. I guess word didn't spread like Mom thought it would. She was so worried about people finding out and what Dad said back at the bar while drunk and how it will affect Kelly and Matthew. Dad suggested we would move if it got bad. I had lived in this house for almost fifteen years so that means Matthew and Kelly had been living here their whole lives. They have never moved before. "So Glen, did anyone say anything to you about crashing into the bank?" Mom asked. "No thank goodness," said Dad. "I still feel embarrassed about it." "Good," said Mom. Dad grunted. "Why is it a good thing?" "Because you realize now how you were out of control with your drinking and drunk driving is bad and you should be ashamed of it. You put this whole family into this mess and how could you do this?" "You will never let me live it down will you?" "You did something that almost got us all killed when another moron did it." "Are you calling me a moron?" Dad yelled. "No." "You just implied it. At least I didn't kill anyone or make someone incontinent." That was how I got mine. Mom, Matthew, Kelly, and I were coming back from the doctors when a drunk driver rammed into our minivan and we all ended up in the hospital. I was hurt so I was in coma for ten days and I was left incontinent and it gave me learning problems. I wonder how much normal I would be if it didn't happen. I was different before the car accident. But I wonder if I still would have learning problems but less because it runs in the family. I have an uncle with a learning disability and my youngest aunt has it and Mom may have it, Dad has some dyslexia in him and Kelly has it. "Will you not fight please?" Kelly asked. Mom and Dad bickered more and Kelly got up and left the table. Dad then decided it was time to drop the discussion and he called her back to the table.
After dinner, Dad went and checked the mail and brought it back inside. He had walked Skippy to the mailbox and back just so he’d get his exercise. Dogs always need to be walked every single day and we all take turns walking him. When we ride our bikes, we take him with us so he can run along our bike and I like using my razor scooter and have him pull me on it but he often doesn’t walk unless I move. But because of the false arrest, I have refused to even leave our house unless we go somewhere out of town where I won’t be recognized and no one knows me and I am less likely run into anyone I know. Dad took off his shoes and coat and looking through the mail. He tossed the junk mail aside and set the ones aside that aren’t junk. He opened one of them and read it. Then he smiled. “Oh boy this is great news,” he said. “Kids, Anita, they have moved my sentence date to the fifteenth because they are too busy and overcrowded with other cases. That means I won’t go in this Wednesday at all.” “Why is it good?” I asked. “Because it means what I did wasn’t that bad and they have worse cases they need to deal with and because I didn’t kill anyone nor got anyone hurt, they put my case aside for later to deal with the worst ones first before getting to me. Maybe this means the sentence I will get won’t be bad and it will be light. The worst that can happen is losing my license.” “Then I will have to be your chauffeur for a while,” said Mom. “But unfortunately the express bus only runs on weekdays so on the weekends you may have to take me down there and drop me off or let me drive to work on the weekends if you don’t like me driving,” said Dad. I was watching TV with Matthew while they were talking and bickering and then Dad said “We will worry about it when it happens,” said Dad. “I am very damn lucky they have a bus system up here now.” “With more people in the area, I think they just want to keep more cars off the road so they offer transportation for people and lot of them work down there,” said Mom. I felt disappointed they moved the date to the middle of next month. Now I will have to wait longer to see what is going to happen to Dad. Dad looked at the other mail and I saw him throw the junk mail under the sink in the paper sack where we put the paper for recycling. After the show ended, I went upstairs to shower. I grabbed two clean diapers and my pajamas and went downstairs to ask Mom for the key. She handed me the key and she followed me upstairs. “I have an idea for you,” she said. She went in my room and grabbed my tub of wipes and diapers from my backpack she got from school and took them to the bathroom. “Unlock it please,” she said. I set my pajamas and diapers down and unlocked it and Mom went inside turning on the light. I picked my stuff up and went in. Mom opened the bottom drawer and took stuff out and set the wipes and diapers in there. “How about you keep some of your supplies in here so you don’t have to carry a diaper in here every time and grabbing the wipes. It will all be here. But it will be your responsibility keeping it stocked like you did at school.” I liked her idea. I never thought of it before. Mom left the bathroom and I took my clothes off and my wet diaper and showered. Mom came in later and told me to leave the door unlocked when I am through and she had decided to leave all the bathrooms unlocked just to see how trustworthy Dad is. “Okay,” I said. Mom left the bathroom.
I finished washing my hair and shaving and got out. I dried off and I ripped a hole in my diaper and put it on. I put on the second diaper and put my pajamas on. I also brushed my teeth and then I took my used diaper back to my room and threw it away. I played video games with Matthew before bed. We were both playing Mega Bomberman. We were both doing battle. I like the dinosaurs in there Bombermen use because they remind me of Yoshi in the Super Mario Games and we all get to ride them and if we get hit by the flames, the dinosaur gets vaporized. We have only had the game for two years. I have found it the best Bomberman game ever. I think the original is boring because the levels never change.
Soon Mom came in his room and told us, "Okay it’s nine thirty now, bed time.” “I’m not tired,” said Matthew. “You will be in the morning if you don’t go to bed, I am not fighting you. Until you stop being a Pokey Little Puppy and you have no problems getting out of bed and I don’t have to nag you to pick up those rings, then I will let you stay up all you want,” said Mom. I paused the game and left the bedroom. The rings Mom was talking about she was referring to Sonic the Hedgehog and she means going faster because Sonic is fast. You probably already know what Pokey Little Puppy is, it's an old storybook Mom used to read to us when we were little. Mom will use character references to refer to behavior and sometimes she uses real people. When I got arrested, she called the cops at the police station The Keystone Cops because they were bad officers who arrested me for no reason and made fun of my incontinence and made me stay in my soiled diaper. Dad thought it was hilarious because she meant they were stupid and incompetent officers who can't do their jobs right. I don't know anything about the characters but Dad told me they're old movies they used to make about these dumb officers. I heard Mom fighting with Matthew going to bed. I went downstairs and took my medicine. I always take it before bed and I never forget. I do sometimes and when I do, I just have a hard time sleeping and I am so tired during the day and I feel nauseated. Whenever I can’t go to sleep, I always realize I forgot to take my medicine so I take it and bam, I am able to go to sleep. Dad was in the family room watching something on TV and looking at the paper. "Complicated kid we have," said Dad. I knew he was referring to Matthew. "Mum works so hard," said Dad again. "She puts up a fight and doesn't give in." I went back upstairs to my room and I knew I would have to face my horrible sister.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 4:53:58 GMT
Chapter 3
Okay I promised you I will tell you why Kelly is my bad sister and about the mean paper she wrote, and Dad's drinking and driving.
Kelly is my bad sister because she wishes I died in the car accident that made me be incontinent. She also thinks I am retarded and selfish and thinks I don’t care about anyone. She thinks I ask stupid questions so I don't ask her anymore and she thinks I ask too many. She thinks I get upset when things don't go my way and she thinks she has to live around my life. She also thinks I talk about James Bond only. James Bond is one of my favorites so I always look him up online and I like to read about the movies and I know all the release dates for them and who each singer was for each theme song. But Dr. No is tricky because there were no words so there really was no singer. But GoldenEye is my favorite James Bond movie. I like the game better and I am supposed to be getting it soon. Dad made a promise he will get me the Nintendo 64 and the game and get me a game every month. You see he cheated on my mother while he was pissed (that is what he calls being drunk), and I overheard him talking to my twenty two year old brother Brian about it. So Dad made a deal with me he will buy me a Nintendo 64 game every month if I keep quiet about it so to make sure he keeps his promise, I made a contract with him and we both signed it and we each kept a copy. If he breaks his promise, I will tell everyone what he did. My dad screwed up drinking and driving and it was very upsetting because I was hit by a drunk driver and it made me be incontinent and I was so upset about it and so was Mom she yelled at him for two hours. Now she is all calm about it and they always go to their room now and spend a few minutes in there together and she doesn’t seem mad about it anymore. Now Dad is waiting for court date to hear his charges. I don’t know what is going to happen to him. I also wonder if he will cut back on his drinking, he has been an alcoholic off and on. It has always come and went because he will be one and then only drink once or twice a week and then be back to drinking every day. He blames it on our mother and he says work has been stressful for him and she makes their marriage so difficult. Dad would be gone a lot, he would go to work and then he would go to a friend's house and drink which was his co worker's house. Then when he had sex with her while drunk, he started going to the bar instead and one day he got in a fight in there and left and drove drunk and crashed into the bank. He was in jail over night and he got out the next day. Mom had to go and bail him out. He even went to the hospital too for slight injuries. He also totaled his car and we now have one car.
Not only did Kelly write a bad paper about me, she also wrote bad things about the whole family(except Brian) for school so Mom has been ignoring her ever since and not talking to her. She also pretends she doesn’t exist so she will like call us to dinner and not her and when she sets the table, she will only put four plates and cups on the table and silverware instead of five. That is why there were only four plates at the table. Matthew has been playing tricks on her too and it’s fun driving her crazy and making her mad because we are such selfish people and mean. So now you know why she is a bad sister and know all about Dad's drinking problem and the paper she wrote and why Mom ignores her. Mom does silent treatments when someone makes her upset or mad. She did them to Brian a lot and she does them to Kelly sometimes and she does it to Dad. She has never done it to Matthew and I yet. I have gotten her upset before or made her mad and she has never given me one. I wonder why.
I woke up in the middle of the night. I looked at the time and saw it was three in the morning. I got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a pitcher out of the cupboard and I did it quietly as possible so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. I filled it with water and I kept an eye on someone coming downstairs. No one ever came down. I went up the stairs slowly to avoid making creaking sounds. I went in my own bedroom and opened Kelly’s drawers and started dipping in her underwear and socks in and her bras. I put them back in the drawer after wringing them out and repeat the process with her other dry clothes. I went back downstairs and got more water and repeated the process again. I got everything soaked in her drawers and closed them and put the pitcher back. I dried it off and put it back in the cupboard. I couldn’t stop giggling. I wonder how she was going to react when she finds all her panties wet and her socks and bras and other clothes in her drawers. She has her other clothes in the closet too.
I woke up from Kelly cursing and slamming her dresser drawers. She threw her wet panties at me and her other clothes. I picked them up and threw them back at her. "You're so retarded," she told me. I hated being called that word. "I am so going to get back at you," said Kelly. I am going to get back at you, I corrected in my head. She went in our closet and pulled out her clothes to wear. She got dressed and started to bring her wet clothes out of our room. I slept some more. I heard Kelly yelling downstairs about me pouring water on her clothes. Soon she left for school. I felt better what I did to Kelly. Now what else shall I do to her?
I woke up later in the morning. Matthew was already in school. It was the last day of October so that meant it was Halloween. That meant I was going to have to go outside and trick or treat or miss it. I crawled out of bed and went downstairs. Mom saw me and told me I was going to have to dry Kelly's clothes and fold them and put them back in her drawers since I made the mess. I play practical jokes on her, I clean it up. "And what if I don't?" I said. "I will take away video games and computer until you do it and make you do chores instead," Mom replied. Mom is sure tough. When I was little, whenever I refused to do what she said like taking my clothes upstairs or putting away my shoes, she wouldn't let me do anything until I did what she said. I would eventually do it just so I could go back to what I was doing because I got tired of doing nothing. I didn't want to lose video games and computer so I went in the laundry room and picked up Kelly's clothes and threw them in the dryer and turned it on. I had in all her socks and panties and shirts and shorts and I hung her bras on the dry rack. I was able to fit them all in the dryer. "Did you check the lent?" Mom asked. "No," I said. "Check it please and clean it if it has any." I went back in the laundry room and checked it and it had very little and I didn't bother cleaning it. It didn't need it and it wasn't even full. I went in the pantry and grabbed some cereal. I poured myself some Alpha-Bits. I got the milk out of the fridge and poured it in the bowl and sat down. I ate my cereal. After I was done, I cleared my spot and put the milk and cereal away. With Dad here, he would have made me put the milk and cereal away right after I am done with it than letting me put it away after I am done eating. Dad always wants stuff put away right after you are done with it. Mom will just be patient and wait. Both my parents are crazy about the house being clean but Dad is more strict. Mom keeps the house clean because of him. I don't mean she won't ever clean if Dad wasn't so obsessed about a clean house. Our home wouldn't even look like a display in a home magazine if he wasn't. Mom still doesn't like messes so of course she would still clean but she wouldn't be as clean.
I went back upstairs to the bathroom and changed out of my messy diaper. I rinsed myself off in the tub and put on my day time diaper. I went in my room and threw the diaper away and got on the computer. I went back to the AB/DL sites. I went back to the Deeker site and continued reading The Blue Package. So far the mother had decided to get Randy some diapers because he kept wearing the disposables he found and his mom had given them to her friend but Randy had kept some but his mother caught him and asked for them back. So every day he would wear them and he had to go pantless and his father decided to change the knobs on the bathroom doors and they keep the keys with them. It was to make Randy think about going back or not. I read the story for the next hour before getting off. I wanted to watch GoldenEye. I didn't want to waste my whole day on story sites and not do anything else. I decided every day I will spend an hour reading the stories and then get off and do video games and watch GoldenEye. On school days it will be an hour of story reading and then video games. Don't forget chores I have to do. We all have chores to earn money. I also missed Shockwave, a website I always went to and do a daily jigsaw and other jigsaws and play some games sometimes like Rampage. I also went on the incontinent forum and did some AOL games and the diaper stories had taken over. Maybe I could read diaper stories every other day and do my normal stuff online every other day so I am not missing out. Then I remembered homework. I always had homework after school and during breaks I always did the computer and do my games on there and forums and chat to my online friends. It will just be the same again when I am back in school and have homework. I had a routine worked out in my head so I could do all my normal things still fitting in my new interest. I got the movie and put it in the player in Mom and Dad's room. I grabbed my James Bond trivia cards and my book I am reading.
I watched the movie while looking at my cards and I read my book while lying on the bed. Mom came up and told me when the load in the washer finishes, I need to take out Kelly's clothes and fold them and put them in her drawers. I found it weird she would make me dry her clothes and put them away if she is ignoring her.
Soon Mom called me down to get the clothes out of the dryer. I paused the movie and went downstairs. I took the clothes out of there and brought them upstairs to my room. I stuffed the socks in the sock drawer and stuck her panties in the other. I folded the shirts and shorts and put them away. I went back to my movie and watched the rest. It was near the end. After it ended, I turned it off and hit rewind and turned the TV off. I fed the cats when I saw the cat bowls were empty. Mom was nowhere to be found. I looked in the garage and saw our minivan was still here. Dad must have taken the bus again. I saw my odor pills sitting out on the kitchen counter with a note. Take these after you get out of bed, in the noon, and right after dinner.
I keep forgetting to take them. I took one of the pills this time and grabbed the sticky notes off the computer desk and started to write myself some notes. I wrote what Mother had written for me except I wrote "your odor remover pills" replacing the word 'these.' Her handwriting isn't the best but I can still read it. At least she printed and didn't write in cursive. People say writing in cursive makes it quicker to write but for me it's the opposite. I also can't read cursive except for my own because other people's are too messy. I can read print better because it's more clear. Cursive mostly looks like squiggles to me. I still don't know all the letters and capitals in cursive but I know most of them and I can write my name in cursive. Why is it even important to learn it? It's only for signing your name so why not learn to write our names in cursive only? I will never understand how it's supposed to be quicker and how can people read it?
I made a few notes and started sticking them on the fridge and pill cupboard, then I went upstairs and stuck it on the computer monitor and TV set and on my bed frame and on my lamp. Then I decided to stick it on the kitchen table so I wrote another one and stuck it in one of the spots. I put the pill bottle back and I was about to go out in the garage when Mom came back with Skippy. She took her coat and shoes off and left Skippy in the laundry room. "Dogs give us good exercise," she said. Mom always says that every time she walks the dog. "Have you changed yet?" Mom asked. I assume she meant my diaper. "I did this morning," I replied. Mom looked at the time and told me I better change or I will leak. Mom grabbed the dog bowl and filled it up with water and set it down in the laundry room. Skippy started drinking out of it. I didn't feel like changing but I didn't have a choice. Always changing them is a pain because I get lazy to do it. It gets so tiring and I wish she still did it. She will only change me on school days when she gets me out of bed. She will also dress me so she changes my diaper for me. She will change my messy ones too when I make a BM at night. If it's really bad, she will make me take a shower. Then she freshly diapers me. Sometimes I dress myself and change myself. I headed to my room and changed out of my wet diaper. I grabbed a clean one and put it on. I tossed the used one in the diaper pail. I played some video games. Then I headed downstairs when my tummy was growling and had something to eat. I just grabbed two hot pockets and cooked myself some in the microwave. When they were finished, I grabbed the plate and took the covers off them and grabbed a fork and took it upstairs with me.
Soon, Kelly came home and she went in our room. She threw her stuff on the bed and got on the computer. "What's this?" I looked at her and saw she was touching my note I stuck to the monitor. She pulled it off. "Don't," I shouted. "It's in the way and I don't want it in my face." "It's not in your face." I got out of my chair and walked over to her. I put my hand right in her face. "This is in your face." Kelly pulled her head away. "Quit it. Anything this far." She held her hand out which looked to be about a foot away. "Is in my face." I held my hands out to measure and it was more than a foot away from her face to the monitor. "It wasn't in your face." Kelly growled. "Anything far as the computer monitor and where I am sitting is in my face. Clear now? Hey at least you're talking to me." "I don't want you touching my notes," I said again. Kelly slammed the note right next to the computer monitor. "It will be right here for you to see it." "Isn't that still in your face?" I asked. "It's far as the computer." "I can't see it so it's not in my face. Anything in front of my eyes is in my face." Kelly turned on the computer and I went downstairs to talk to Mom about something. "Mom, where are we trick or treating at?" I asked. I was hoping we were going somewhere else to do it. "Here of course," Mom replied while she was organizing the coat closet. “Where else would we do it?” "But the arrest," I said. "How will kids react and neighbors when they see me?" "Well you can go trick or treating or stay here. Your choice." "Why can't we go somewhere else?" I asked. "Because I have to pick your father up and would you rather wait later to do it and heave less trick or treating time? Besides you can't be housebound forever. You have been out of the house several times already and it went well did it?" "Because no one saw me," I said. "But no one has said anything about your arrest, not even Monica." Monica is a girl that works at the medical store where we get my diapers and where Mom dropped off the form for my bracelet. "I was lucky," I said. "No one who knew me saw me out of town." "Well you can go trick or treating and turn it into a game. See how many comments you can get about your arrest," Mom suggested.
Mom is always turning things into games. She has even turned chores into a game for us and raking leaves and when I was getting upset about people thinking I am older than I am. She told me let's see how many people I can fool about my age, count how many people who thought I was older. One time she and Dad got tired of us bickering in the car and fighting and goofing off, she finally told us whoever can stay quiet the most before we get home gets a toy from the store. That shut us up so we tried hard staying quiet so we could win but then we ended up poking each other and doing other things to each other to get each other to speak. Now she was turning my fear into a game. "Is there a prize for it?" I asked. "Ummmmm, what do you think the prize shall be?" I shrugged. I could say a video game or James Bond but I don't know of any James Bond merchandise except the movies and video games and soundtracks. "Well your prize could be getting your Halloween candy and for being brave for going out there and overcoming your arrest,” said Mom. "So, when will Kate's family get here?" I asked. "They're supposed to be here at five thirty," said Mom. I have known for the past few days Kate's little siblings and her parents were going to come here and trick or treat with us. I was happy about it but it was going to be different. We have never trick or treated with friends or with anyone else, we have always done it as a family and one of my parents have stayed home passing out candy while Mom or Dad took us out. I did go one year alone because I was trying to be mature only to find other kids my age with parents and they would stand on the sidewalk while their kids ran up to the door. Even neighbors seemed surprise I was alone. Let's say I never went alone again.
Soon, Matthew came home. "How was school?" Mom asked. "Mom, can I have a friend over from school this Friday?" "What friend?" Mom asked. "He is just a kid I knew since last year and he is in my class and he needs a friend." "Hold it,” Mom held her hand out like a stop sign. “Are you truly his friend or are you being his friend out of pity?" "I don't know," said Matthew. "I would be upset if I found out someone was my friend out of pity. I wouldn't want to be a charity case. Does he want to be your charity case?" "Mom, every time someone is lonely or is different you always think them having a friend is a bad thing." "It's not that sweetheart, it's because some people think they are doing a good thing by being someone's friend, not because they enjoy their company and like being with them, because they think they are doing a wonderful thing being their friend. It will be like me deciding to be friends with someone just because they're black so I think they need a white friend to show white people are good people and not all racist." "This boy likes Star Wars like I do and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and he also likes computer and video games and he doesn't talk much to anyone or answer questions. He always sounds like he is whining when he talks but he isn't. He always has a teacher with him." "So you two have things in common, good for you. You found a friend," said Mom. "What is he like? He isn't violent is he?" "No Mom," said Matthew. "He doesn't even bully anyone at school or tease anyone. It's other kids that are mean to him." "Okay, I guess he can come over and I will see what he is like. When will he be coming over?" "After school." "I mean what time." "I don't know. I want him to come home on the bus with me." "Okay, I will have to be in contact with his mother, does she know about this?" "No." "Well she needs to know so she will know her son is coming here and he needs to ask her or get his phone number so I can call his mother." "I haven't asked my friend yet if he can come over." "So why did you ask me?" "To get your permission before asking." "Okay. Let me know tomorrow okay." Matthew came in the family room. "Any homework Matthew?" Mom asked. "I wish you would be mad at me too," said Matthew. "Why?" "So you wouldn't be asking me if I have any homework and I could go on playing and not do it. What do I have to do to make you ignore me?" "I'm not going to tell you." "Why not? Pretty please." "Because then you will start provoking me just to make me not want to talk to you and I am not going to tell you. Want me to give you the silent treatment, I can do it now and you can tell me if you like it or not but I will still be getting you up for school and dragging you down the stairs and making sure you do your homework and are in bed and you go to school." "Nuts," said Matthew. "Never mind." "Any homework?" "Yes." "Better do it." "Luckily I have Math." Math is his favorite subject.
His friend sounded interesting. I wonder what was wrong with him. Why did he always have a teacher with him? Why doesn't he talk much and why doesn't he answer questions? Why does he sound like he is whining? I was getting curious to meet this kid to see what he looked like.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 4:55:06 GMT
Chapter 4
Mom carried a box upstairs from under the house. She set it down in the kitchen and I looked in it. I saw my old costumes from when I was little, a clown suit and a homemade Indian costume and the drum and feathers you wear around your head, I also saw my old Princess costume and witch hat and witch costume. I also saw my old Poodle skirt costume. I also saw the costumes my parents made when I was little and it was a deck of cards and the other costume was a ghost costume. I remember when Matthew went one year as Tommy Pickles and he wore a blue shirt and wore an old white sheet around his bottom and it was tied on the sides. He wore it over his pants of course because Mom didn't want his legs to get cold. He was also forced to wear a jacket. I also saw Kelly and Matthew's old costumes and Brian's.
I found a costume Mom dug out of the trunk last year she had packed away for years. It was a Raggedy Ann costume and I found the wig to it. I decided I wanted to be the doll this year. I sniffed the costume and it smelled like it was under the house for years and it smelled musty from the trunk but I didn’t care.
Mom made a quick dinner for us all. She cooked tortellini. She had three bowls out again and poured some in and expected Kelly to fend for herself. There was none left after Mom poured them in bowls. Then she called us to dinner except Kelly.
Matthew and I headed downstairs and we all sat at the table and started eating. Mom had cheese out for us to sprinkle on our noodles. I took the top off and grabbed a handful and sprinkled it all over the noodles. Kelly came down and looked in the kettle and sighed. "Okay, Mom, I am sorry. Happy now?" she said. "You win." "That's not even a real apology," said Mom. "Good you're talking to me now so where is the pasta?" Mom didn't even answer. "Mom?....Mom?...MOM?" None of us responded. "Oh Jesus Christ. How the hell do I apologize?" "When you mean it," said Mom. "Not say it just to get me off your back." Kelly growled and stomped her foot. "You're so unbelievable. You know what hurts the most? When you read how I felt about you and you didn't even care. Instead of taking it as that is how you come off as and try and change it, you act like this instead like you don't even care. You don't even care about me at all. Why don't you just get rid of me if you hate me so much?" Mom rested her head on her head and looked down at the table. "I bet if I ran away, you wouldn't even care. At least your mean daughter be gone." Would be gone, I thought. "I could run away and live with one of my aunts instead or uncles. I will save up all my babysitting money and run away, buy a plane ticket or a train ticket and go there and live with them. At least they will be better than you. Or maybe I can go to Europe and live with Dad’s family. I think living in a foreign country be nice and trying their food and living their culture. We never get to see them except Dad.” Flying to Europe is so expensive I have only been there twice and Matthew and Kelly have only been there once. Only Dad flies out there to see them sometimes and Mom stays here with us. My grandparents have flown out here to see us. Last time they did was when I was fourteen. Mom has went out there with Dad a few times. Kelly kept rambling on about Mom and listing everything wrong about her. I heard sniffling from Mom and I realized she was crying. I was mad. "Kelly, shut up!" I yelled. "Ooo you're talking to me again," said Kelly. "You're upsetting Mom," I said. "Good, then maybe she will start caring about me and change." "Shut up!" I yelled again. "You know what your problem is? You're a mean kid and you hate people who are different. Mom will be better off without you. Do you pick on kids in school who are different? It's a shame we're not normal, Kelly." "I do not hate anyone who is different," said Kelly. "How can you accuse me of such?" "You wrote the paper," I pointed out. "Because that is how all you guys act and you don't even care. It's all about you." "Run away, find a new family, move into Brian's old bedroom if you wish," I said. "We make your life a living hell and are such an embarrassment to you. You will get to have friends over again and you won't have to "babysit us" anymore. We'd be better off without you and your life will be so much happier." Kelly was then upset and she stormed out of the kitchen. I sat back down at the table. "Wow," said Matthew. "You defended our mother." "Piece of cake," I said. "I don't know what to do with her," Mom said sadly. She sighed again. "Sometimes I hate seeing all you kids getting older. One of them hates me now and the other changed. What's happened to her?" "She's become a dumb blonde," I said. "Having a teen is very challenging," said Mom. "Their feelings change and so do their thoughts and then they make no sense anymore. It's so hard to relate to them and talk to them. I have changed her diapers, potty trained her, fed her, given her clothes, helped her with reading, went to her games, got her presents, read to her, played with her, gone to her school stuff, what more does she want?" "She is a dumb blonde," I said again. "She's needy," said Matthew. "Nothing is good enough for her. Is that how teens act? Am I going to have to act that way when I become one or close to one?" "No you don't have to," said Mom. "I will be glad if you didn't." "Yay," said Matthew. He clapped his hands in the hair and swung his body around in his chair doing a dance. "Finish your dinner and get your costumes on," said Mom. We ate in silence and we heard Skippy eating and Mittens sat on the kitchen floor eating. Matthew just swung his legs and moved his body. He is always fidgeting. I just bounced my leg and Mom twirled her hair.
* * *
I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself in my Halloween costume. Mom came in the master bedroom carrying containers of face paint. “I’m ready for you now Natalie,” she said. “Come in the bathroom so I can do your face.” I followed Mom into the kid's bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat. Mom opened one of the containers and stirred the paint with her finger. After she was done, she painted my nose red and my cheeks. “Done,” she said. “Look in the mirror and tell me what you think.” I got up and looked in the mirror. My whole nose was painted red and I had red circles on my cheeks. “So what do you think?” Mom asked. “It’s lovely,” I said. Even though I hate face paint, my costume was complete with it. I like face painting so it felt good when Mom painted my cheeks and nose. The one thing I hate about it is when it ends. “Did you know I wore this costume when I was a senior in high school,” said Mom. “I wore it to the Halloween dance and your dad was Andy.” Mom met Dad back in 1973 when they were in high school. Dad had moved here from England when his father got a job here for a few years. They both went to the Halloween dance on the last day of October in the high school gym at their high school. I wonder how she did it if crowds bother her. “And we both had a great time,” Mom continued. “We both danced together and of course we kissed. It was like love at first sight. It was fine until there was a flash in our eyes. We stopped kissing and it turned out to be Bethany Craunt. She had taken a picture of us with a Polaroid camera.” “Did you like it?” I asked. Mom gave me a funny look. “What do you think? Of course not. No one likes it when someone takes a picture of them kissing without permission so your father said to the girl “take a picture, it’ll last longer” and she did.” “And what did you guys do about it?” I asked. “He walked up to her and confronted her about it. But when she turned away, a bunch of pictures fell out. She had been taking pictures of other kids kissing.” “Why was she doing that?” I asked. “No one knows,” Mom replied. “She was a very strange girl.” "Why was she strange?" Mom shrugged. "I don't know. I think she had problems. I was never friends with her." "Why not? I bet you two would have been good together." "I don't know. I never thought about it. Lot of kids disliked her and I didn't even know her so I had no opinion about her. All I knew was she was a trouble maker, weird, strange, and kids would say bad things about her. I never thought about seeking her as a friend. I wasn't interested in other kids my age and then your father walked in my life. I would also see her in detention off and on and the teacher would get mad at her over little things like the time she decided to mess with the pencil sharpener." "What was she doing with it?" "Just swinging it and turning the crank, it was one of those hand held pencil sharpeners." "I wonder what she is like now," I asked. "Who knows. Maybe she got married and had kids too, I don't know. I know she didn't finish high school. She was there and bam she was gone during that year. She was a grade behind me and either she transferred schools or dropped out." "Or moved," I added. "Maybe. Like I switched schools when I got kicked out of one. Especially you." "So where is the Andy costume?" I asked. "I think we got rid of it. Dad wore it to match my costume. Or we still have it packed somewhere." As I left the bathroom, Mom called my name. "Natalie?" I stopped short. "Thanks for defending me at dinner." I just stood there and nodded. "I don't know what to do with her," Mom said again. "Well you're the mom so you're supposed to teach her to not be like that," I said. "How is ignoring her going to do it? She's blonde so she isn't getting it." "I can see that," said Mom. "Besides, whenever Matthew or I did something wrong, you didn't ignore us," I said. "You didn't act all stupid and write nasty things about me or anyone else in this family." "And you're supposed to like ground her or something or get her help so she won't be a bigot against people who are different," I said. "You're right," said Mom. "I hope her seeing a school counselor is working. I don't know what I did wrong to make her be like this." "Normies are so weird," I said. Mom laughed. "They sure are. That was Grandma Del's word growing up. Her mother was the worst normie ever." My grandmother had a bad childhood and got disowned by her mother at age sixteen because she got pregnant with Aunt Elizabeth, so to support herself and her baby, she had to be a prostitute while she worked as a waitress. I don't mean she did both jobs at once. She worked as a waitress and then she would go out and have sex with men for money. That was how she met my real grandfather until he left her when Mom was eight. Grandma was also picked on growing up and teachers were mean to her in school and she was also a target too for some reason and by her mother, so she made up the word normie and created a club for kids who were also outcasts and called it We Hate Normies Club. Gee I wonder if I got that gene from her. At least I don't get abused and I have parents who love me. I also got picked on in school and at home from other neighborhood kids and I was also singled out and I probably still would have been like this if I weren't incontinent. But enough of that. I went to my room and closed the bedroom door and danced in front of my mirror in my costume. I picked up my talking Po and kept dancing. “Hi Po, today is Halloween,” I said. “I’m Raggedy Ann. My sister is Pippi Longstocking and my brother’s a bum and Allie’s coming to trick or treat with us.” Then a thought came to my head. I pictured myself trick or treating with my brother and sister and Allie and then one of my old school mates lifts up my costume to expose my diaper right where everyone can see because I happened to walk by him or her. “No, I won’t let it happen,” I told myself. I went in my dresser and opened my drawer and took out a pair of shorts. I put them on. There, if someone lifts up my dress, they won’t find anything but shorts. Mom came in my room. “Are you ready?” she asked. “Yep,” I replied. Mom handed me a pillowcase for my candy. But the one she gave me was a Barney pillowcase. It was Matthew’s when he was little. He had a Barney bedspread. Was Mom crazy? Everybody hates Barney. I am not going trick or treating with a Barney pillowcase. Kids will laugh their heads off if they see me carrying a Barney pillowcase. “Mom,” I said. “Is there another pillowcase I can use besides this one?” “What’s wrong with the one you have?” Mom asked. “It has Barney on it,” I pointed out. “What’s wrong with Barney?” “Other kids will make fun of me if they see me with this pillowcase. I already get teased and I will not make it worse by this stupid pillowcase.” “Okay fine. I’ll get you another one.” Mom took the pillowcase from me and got me another one. This time it was a plain white one. I threw Po on my bed and went downstairs. Matthew was in the family room watching TV. He already had on his old clothes which was his costume and he had cut holes in them so he would look homeless. I sat down on the sofa and waited for Allie and her family to get here. I looked at the time and it was almost six. Mom would have to pick Dad up soon and the family was twenty minutes late so far. I started to feel anxious worrying they will never get here and we miss trick or treating. Kelly came downstairs in her Pippi Longstocking costume with her pillowcase. She had on two different long socks, had her hair up in pigtails and had them pointed out. She had on regular clothes, a jumper with another shirt under it. Of course her jumper was two sizes too small because it was her old one from last year and she had outgrown it and her body changed. She also had on a pair of shorts. She stood in front of the TV and danced. “How do I look?” she asked holding her arms out grinning. “Stupid,” I said. “Bad,” said Matthew. Kelly frowned at us. I didn't think Kelly looked dumb, I was just saying that because I am a mean selfish sister. "Guys," she sighed. "Okay I am sorry I wrote that letter, feel better now?" she asked. "That's not a real apology," said Matthew. "Yeah," I said. "I am going to call my friend on the phone and see if I can go trick or treating with her. I doubt Mom will care since she doesn't love me anymore. I bet she won't care if I leave this house without her notice." She went to the phone and called her friend. Matthew and I watched TV until the doorbell rang. Either it was Allie or the trick or treaters. Kelly got up and answered it. “Trick or treat,” I heard a girl say. I got up to see who was at the door. It was Allie with her mom and step dad and her little brother and sister, Amber and Jake. Amber’s ten and Jake’s six. But where was their older brother Sam? Maybe he didn’t come. "Hey," said Allie's mother. "Sorry we're a little late," said their step dad. The family walked in our house as Mom came downstairs. “Hi, you’re here,” she said. "Hey Anita," said Allie's mother. "Do you mind a quick hug from me?" Mom let her give her a hug and then Mom pulled away. "Okay, close enough," said Allie's mother. Mom was also in a costume. She had on a long dress with pants on and had on a fanny pack and she had on a snorkel mask and was carrying a tennis racket. "Is that your costume?" Allie's mother asked. "Yes," she said. "What are you supposed to be?" "Just some movie character out of a Johnny Depp movie I saw last week." "What movie?" "Benny & Joon. I think I will be out in the street directing cars and trick or treaters with this," Mom held out her tennis racket. Kelly rolled her eyes and sighed. "You don't want to do that," said Allie's mother to Mom. "It's part of my costume. I always love being in character," Mom replied. "She directed traffic in the movie so I want to do it with trick or treaters." "Oh-kay," said Allie's mother. "Mom, you're going to embarrass me again," said Kelly. "Augh. Every Halloween she gets like this." "It's part of the holiday," said Mom. "You're never too old to have fun.” "I am going to my friend’s to go trick or treating with her, bye," and Kelly walked out the door. "What's with her?" Allie's mother asked. "I'll explain later," Mom sighed. "You should have worn costume, both of you." "We weren't interested," said Allie's step father. "But glad to see a grownup still having fun with Halloween. But don't want to overdo it or it will embarrass your kids." He winked. “I like your costume,” Allie said to me. “Yep. My mom wore it when she was in high school,” I said. “You look cute in it.” “Thanks. What are you supposed to be? A witch?” “Yep, good guess.” “Where’s your big brother?” “He went to a party,” Allie replied. “He’s not going trick or treating?” “Nope, he quit last year.” Allie took off her shoes and we both went upstairs to my room. We sat on my bed and talked. "I am surprised you're a witch," I said. "I thought you would be a Rockford Peach." "Neah, I couldn't find the costume and I wouldn't have had time to make it. Why aren't you James Bond?" "No costume," I said. "So why did you guys want to trick or treat with us?" I asked. "Because we don't get any trick or treaters and Mom thinks it will be good to socialize with your mother and have some interaction. We always go to Vancouver to trick or treat but this time we came here." “Allie, Natalie,” Allie’s mother called. “What?” we said. “You want some candy? Come on down.” Allie got off my bed and left the room. I followed her downstairs to the kitchen. The adults were in there pouring candy into bowls. “Can we go yet?” I asked. “No,” Mom replied. After the adults finished pouring candy in bowls, we took one of the candies out of each bowl and put them in our pillowcase. I was pretty disappointed when I came downstairs and found out the adults were pouring candy in bowls because when Allie’s mom called us down for candy, I thought the candy was already in the bowls because she called us down. I hate it when people do this stuff to me. It’s frustrating and annoying and they feel like lies. I would have gone back upstairs but I wanted to be with my friend. “Can we go?” I asked. “Sure, you go right ahead,” Mom replied. “Wait,” said Allie’s mom. “I want to take a picture of the kids in their wonderful costumes. Shame Kelly had to leave. I would have liked gotten a picture of her too." “Okay,” said Mom. “Kids, don’t go yet! Mrs. Mophie wants to take a picture of you in your costumes!” Now I remember her last name. Allie has a different last name and so does her brothers and sisters because five years ago (starting next month) their parents got a divorce. Their father lives in Atlanta now and Kate lived with him until she graduated from high school. After that, she came back to Washington for college. That was when she met my brother. They both became boyfriend and girlfriend and in August, they both decided to live together so they moved into an apartment. So Allie’s mom got remarried and he moved into Allie’s house and she changed her last name from Wilson to Moopy, Murphy, I forgot her last name again. So Allie’s mom changed her last name from Wilson to her second husband’s last name. The kids miss their dad sometimes but they write to him through email and he writes back. Allie’s mom told us to stand in front of the fireplace in the family room. We went in the family room and she lined us up. “Okay, everybody smile,” she said. She put the camera to her face and told us to smile. As we smiled, Allie’s mom took the camera away from her face. “No bunny ears,” she said. “I want a good picture of you kids.” “I gave my sister some bunny ears,” I heard Matthew say to Allie. I decided to give my brother and Allie some bunny ears. Allie’s mother already had the camera up to her face. “Natalie, get rid of the bunny ears,” she said. I obeyed. “Everyone smile,” said Allie’s mom. We all smiled and there was a flash. We started to leave. “Stay in your places,” said Allie’s mom. “I want to take another picture.” We all groaned and got back in our places and smiled. The camera flashed and Allie’s mother said, “Okay, you can now get out of your places now.” "Ow, that flash bothers my eyes," said Matthew rubbing them. The little kids begged her to take another picture of us with bunny ears this time. I joined in. “Alright, alright,” said Allie’s mom. “This will be the last one.” We all gave each other bunny ears and smiled. After Allie’s mom took another picture of us, we went outside to trick or treat. Mom gave us the rules. “Don’t forget to look both ways before you cross the street,” she said. “Don’t leave the neighborhood, don’t get near any strangers, don’t eat any candy that’s not wrapped, and don’t eat any candy that is homemade.” “Okay,” we said. “Be back before nine,” said Allie’s parents. Mom turned the outside lights on and set a bowl of candy on the staircase. We went trick or treating. Mathew had on a worn out coat that was ripping because it was part of his costume and Mom wanted him to wear a coat so she gave him his torn one when he was protesting about having to wear a coat and no one would know what he is supposed to be. I had mine on too and so did Allie and her little brother and sister. We stopped at each door in the neighborhood. So far everything was going good. No one had not asked me about my arrest so far. I felt nervous going to Bobbi Manette's house so I didn't go to the door. I skipped the other doors too where my old school mates live. Allie didn’t understand why I was refusing to go to some houses. "Oh c'mon Nat," she said. "No," I said. "Why not?” “I just can’t,” I said. “But why?” “I am too embarrassed to say why. I don’t want to be bullied by my old school mates.” I had made up a quick lie. But wait it wasn’t a lie because they could tease me about going to jail. But it still felt like one. If I don’t say what I mean, it’s a lie. Allie didn’t say anything else. We kept on going to the houses with Matthew, Amber, and Jake. Allie and I got ahead of them. Then finally I ran into my old school mates. “Why isn’t that Natalie who got arrested? How was jail?” Scott asked. “Leave me alone,” I said. “Did they cuff you? What crime did you commit?” I kept on walking ignoring him but he followed us and so did his buddies. They kept asking me about my arrest and if I have done anymore jaywalking and if I ever plan on walking in front of a car again. “Leave her alone,” said Allie. “You guys are boring.” “Oooo,” said the boys and they left. “Wow, that was easy,” said Allie. “What was that about?” “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Were you really arrested?” “By the Keystone Cops,” I said. “What are the Keystone Cops?” “Old movies about these dumb officers,” I said. “But you really were arrested?” “Yes because they thought I was drunk.” “Ooo you got arrested, what was it like?” Amber asked. I sighed. I had some explaining to do. I didn’t want to talk about it but did anyway telling them the whole story. “It was homecoming night and Mom took Matthew and I to the parade. We were supposed to stay together but on the way back, Matthew thought he could take a short cut and didn’t tell me so I kept on walking. Then I saw he wasn’t with me so I started looking for him and getting scared and without thinking, I walked out in the street and a car slammed on its breaks. Then when I made it to the other side, an officer stopped me and he asked me all these questions and started yelling at me accusing me of not cooperating, then I was arrested for underage drinking.” Amber asked, “What?” “She wasn’t drinking,” said Matthew. “That’s why he was stupid.” “So I was taken to the station and was asked more questions and finger printed and locked in a cell and they made fun of me and it was so humiliating I had a huge tantrum in the cell and I was very scared. Then Mom came and got me and I was free to go and there were no charges anymore because they realized their mistake.” “Wow,” said Allie. “Did you have any cell mates?” “Just one girl who goes to Kelly’s school,” I replied. I left out the part where I messed in my diaper in the back seat and they made fun of me for it and said it was disgusting and them opening my backpack and making fun of me about my medical condition and how Casey, the girl in the cell, thought the smell was from the toilet and then messing myself again after she left and Mom changing me in the cell and throwing my diaper away in there. It was too embarrassing to share that part of the story. “What happened when you needed a new diaper?” Allie asked. I felt embarrassed by that question but luckily no one was near us when she asked it and Amber already knew I wore them but I wasn’t sure about Jake. But now he knew. “Nothing, I had to stay in it,” I said. “Gross,” said Allie. “I’m glad I can control my poop and pee.” She asked me more questions about my arrest like why did the officers think I wasn’t cooperating, did I answer their questions, what questions did they ask me, was I cuffed, how long was I in jail for. I answered them all. “Gee maybe I should be very careful how I act when I see an officer around,” said Allie. “They might think I am drunk because of my ADHD. What disability do you have?” “Learning issues,” I said. “What kind?” “I don’t know,” I said. “They never told me.” “Who’s they?” “My mom and dad.” “What parents don’t tell their kids about their disability?” “I don’t know. They have always told me what my issues are but never said what my exact disability is.” “What did they say?” “That I learn different, process things differently, I’m a concrete thinker and I have a hard time with abstract thinking, things are black and white for me, I have a hard time with learning because of the car accident I was in, that’s all I can remember right now.” I knew there was more but I didn’t like thinking all the things I have wrong with me. I also don’t like it when I get told what behavior I do isn’t normal. I don’t even want to remember what I have wrong with me or even think about it. We went to more houses and then we were at my old friend’s house Veronica’s. Kelly baby sits her little brother and sister who are twins. Veronica was just in a car accident on homecoming night so she has been in the hospital ever since. I felt nervous coming up to their house but we did anyway and Veronica wouldn’t be there so I was safe. We rang the doorbell. They had nice pumpkins out and had better Halloween decorations than us. They had a fake graveyard in their lawn and spider webs all over their stoop and there was fake thunder and flashing lights and Matthew had his eyes covered with his hand and when you stood on the matt, it made a laughing sound and there was a bench with a fake person on it. Mrs. Roberta answered the door. “Trick or treat,” we said. Mrs. Roberta picked up the bowl and handed us our candy. “What are you supposed to be?” she asked Matthew. “I’m a bum,” he said. “Here you go,” she said to Matthew dropping a mini bag of Skittles in his pillowcase. Then she dropped a bag of Skittles in Amber’s bag. “There you go you little angel.” Then she dropped another bag of Skittles in Jake’s bag. “There you go you,” Mrs. Roberta paused. “Zombie,” said Jake. “Zombie,” said Mrs. Roberta. Then she dropped a bag of Skittles in my pillowcase. “There you go Ann.” Then she dropped a bag of Skittles in Allie’s bag. “There you go you witch.” “Thank you,” said the little kids. “Hey, where’s Kelly?” Mrs. Roberta asked. “Trick or treating with one of her friends,” I said. We left and saw other kids walking up to the front door and they said “trick or treat.” I was glad Mrs. Roberta didn’t say anything about my arrest. Maybe she didn’t know about it yet. I thought maybe Kelly had said something about it to Ellie and James (the name of the kids she baby sits) and then they said something about it to her. I got teased a little more about my arrest from my other old school mates. “What are you doing out of jail?” Richard Rice asked. “Oh look, there comes another car, jump in front of it,” he said again. “Ignore them,” said Allie. So far I had been teased by five kids so far. Then I saw Michael Scott. He lives on Veronica’s block and he has made fun of me since I was six and has rarely been nice to me. He is two and a half years younger than me. He also teased me about being arrested. He asked me how I got out of jail so soon. “Mom got me out,” I said. “How much did it cost?” he asked. “Nothing,” I said. “You got out free?” “Charges were dropped.” Then he asked me what stupid thing did I do to get arrested. I told him they thought I was drunk and then he told me I am so stupid I act drunk. “That’s because I have blonde hair,” I said. Allie laughed. “Good comeback.” I deliberately walked into the fire hydrant. Michael laughed. “I thought it would move out of the way,” I said. “You’re so stupid,” Michael shouted. “C’mon Mike, be nice,” said his father. Michael kept on laughing and they walked away going to another house. “That’s it?” Allie asked. “’Be nice?’ My mother kicked my ass when I was mean to you about your medical problem and all he gets is “be nice” and that’s it?” “He has crappy parents,” I said. “They never teach their boy anything or even punish him. They let him be mean and they never punish him but whenever other kids are mean to him, they don’t like it.” “How stupid,” said Allie. “I don’t get why they don’t like kids being mean to their son but they let him be mean to other kids and not care.” “That’s why it’s stupid,” said Allie.
I was teased a couple more times and especially about Mom directing trick or treaters up to my house with a tennis racket and wearing a snorkel mask looking like a retard and acting like it. I told him it was part of her costume and she is in character every Halloween and she is some movie character who was sick in the movie. I even noticed Kelly while we were trick or treating and we didn’t even say hi to each other. She was just going with her two friends and they had no grown up with them. Then the kid moved onto teasing her about our mother. I didn’t get to hear Kelly’s reaction because she went the other direction and he ran after her and Allie, and me and the little kids walked the other way.
After we went to all the houses, Jake, Amber, and Matthew wanted to go again but I didn’t. I was tired of trick or treating. My wig kept making my head itch. I couldn’t scratch my face because of the paint so I had to be careful. It was getting late, and my legs were tired from walking. Allie didn’t want to go again either. She said she needed a new pad. The little kids laughed and started to tease her a little bit about her period. “Will you three shut up,” said Allie. They kept teasing her on the way home. When we got back, I took off my wig. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I also went in the bathroom and washed the painting off my face so I could scratch there and it won't itch anymore. “So Natalie, how did it go?” Mom asked. “I got teased about it,” I said. “How many?” “Eight,” I said. “See, it wasn’t so bad was it?” Mom asked. I shrugged. “Give me a high five for going out there,” Mom held her hand up. I swung my hand at her hand but missed and I tried again and hit her hand this time. I went in the family room and dumped out my candy with the other kids and sorted through it. Dad was in here watching us sort our candy. He wanted to see what we got. We traded some of our candy we didn’t want. After we were done, we ate some of it except for me. I only had a lollypop. I overheard Mom talking to Allie. “It’s how she process things and she takes things literal and she is more literal when under lot of stress so officers might think she is drunk.” Allie must have asked her about my false arrest. “I hope I don’t run into any Keystone Cops,” said Allie. “Get a medical bracelet and show it to them if any of them stop you,” said Mom showing her hers. “Why do you have one?” “For my anxiety and any breakdowns I have in public so I won’t be mistaken for being on drugs or for being drunk or just someone with rage issues or someone who is having a tantrum. I’ve rarely had to use it.” “I thought it was a bracelet,” said Allie. “Nope, but it’s made to look like one. Natalie will be getting one too soon.” “Why?” “In case she runs into any Keystone Cops again.” “Kids, get your shoes on, we’re leaving,” said Allie’s mother. Allie, Jake, and Amber put their candy back in their bags and put their shoes on. Allie then got up and went to the bathroom. Amber informed all of us she was going to hide her candy and see how long it takes her to find it. She picked up her bag of candy and stuck it in the hall closet. When Allie came out, she couldn’t find her candy. “Where is my candy?” Allie asked. “I don’t know,” I said. It’s rude to not answer. Allie looked around for her candy. “Has anyone seen my candy?” she asked again. “Amber? Jake? Natalie? Anybody?” “It’s in the hall closet,” I said. Allie went to the closet and got her candy. “Natalie, why did you have to spoil it?” Amber asked. “Thanks a lot.” “We couldn’t keep that joke on her forever,” I said. “She might get upset because she didn’t know where her candy went.” “That’s you,” said Dad. Allie's Mom told her kids to say bye and they did. Then she made them say thank you to us for letting them trick or treat with us. "You're very welcome," said Mom. Then they walked out the door to their car they parked in the street. “Natalie, I heard your mother making you go out and trick or treat,” said Dad. “She didn’t make me, it was either I don’t go or go,” I corrected. “She still made you. You didn’t want to miss Halloween so you were forced to go out there. I think she did the right thing. Some people never leave their houses because they are so afraid to leave them.” “Why?” I asked. “Some strange fear they have and no one ever makes them leave their houses so they are imprisoned in their own home forever.” “How do they work or get food?” Matthew asked. “They don’t, someone does it for them or their families pay their bills and house mortgage.” I was shocked. Never leave their house? It was like being under house arrest. I wonder if they go out and take care of their yard. “Who does the yard for them?” I asked. “Neighbors, friends, people,” said Dad. Then Mom came in the room. "Anita, when is Kelly coming home?" Dad asked. "I have no idea,” she replied. "Do you even care she is gone?" "She will come home. She is just testing me. Kids." "You need to show her you do care. Pick up the phone and call her friend's mother." I went upstairs to my room to take my shower. I set my candy in my room and took off my costume and shorts. I grabbed my pajamas and night time diapers and headed to the bathroom. "She is right," I heard Dad say. I raced down the stairs wearing only my bra and soaking wet diaper. "Who's right?" I asked. "Natalie, put some clothes on," said Dad looking away. "Why? No one is here but us and my privates are covered," I said. "You should still put something on, not parade around in your special underwear and bra," said Dad. "I don't need to see it." "Then don't look at me," I said. Then I asked Mom again who is right. "We were just talking about your sister and how your mother is the parent and we should be teaching her empathy and be more understanding and accept people better with disabilities and ignoring her isn't going to do any of us good or her. We have always ignored our problems. My parents did that, hers, and now we're doing it," said Dad. Matthew came in the kitchen still in his costume. "Ew gross," he said looking at my diaper. "Go get cleaned up," Dad told me. "We don't need to see your dirty diaper. It's like seeing someone not flushing the toilet so we have to see the poop or pee in there. We don't need to see your pee or poo either." I felt my diaper getting wetter again. "The dark spot is growing," said Matthew. "She's wetting her diaper." I had no way of stopping it. The diaper felt fuller and fuller from the pee. I didn't feel embarrassed from Matthew's remark because no one else was here but us. "Go upstairs and get changed and put something on," Dad told me. "Matthew, it's almost time for bed," said Mom. "Get your costume off and get your pajamas on." I headed upstairs to the bathroom again. I went in and closed the door. I took my hair tie out and turned the shower on. I took off my bra and diaper. I got in the shower. I shaved and washed my hair and got out. I dried off and wrapped a towel around my head and put the diapers on and my pajamas. I brushed my teeth and went back to my room. I left the door open again because Mom didn't want them locked anymore. I threw my dirty diaper away. Kelly was home and she grabbed her pajamas and left our bedroom. I found Mom in the family room with Dad. He had her in his arms. I couldn't remember when they last did that. Maybe with the lack of alcohol, Dad is more Dad now than some guy who is always gone and always getting angry and shouting and them fighting. It was as if the drinking and driving brought him back. Mom was still in her costume but she wasn't wearing the snorkel mask anymore nor had a tennis racket in her hand or wearing the fanny pack. "Did you stop traffic too than just trick or treaters, Mom?" I asked. "I stopped her from doing it," said Dad. "Why?" "Because it wasn't appropriate and she did argue and then got over it because it was bad enough what I did and for her to go outside and do that would really make people think she is really nuts and make the rumors look true. I had to tell her that and she agreed and stopped." "What did Allie's parents think of it?" "They didn't understand so I had to tell them about her and my life story. So embarrassing. But luckily they didn't judge me but I bet they did.” "Why did our grandparents always ignore their problems?" I asked. "I think my parents were just lazy and didn't want to deal with it so they would pretend it never happened and move on but your other grandmother on the other hand was too overwhelmed so she couldn't deal with the issues and also moved on without doing anything about it." "Why was she overwhelmed?" "She had ten kids and a few special need kids so it was overwhelming for her. All the cooking and cleaning and homework help so whenever something happened, she would move on. Like when your mother got kicked out of school, your grandmother just stuck her in another school instead of trying to get it resolved. But because she had other kids at home and her autistic brother, it was overwhelming. But my parents just didn't want to bother so they always ignored my brothers and I fighting and me tormenting them and they pretended they didn’t notice and they didn’t want to hear about it. They only intervened when we got too loud or started hitting each other or doing anything that may break the house or break something. Then sometimes they would kick us outside or separate us.” "Why?" "Because they were damn lazy. I grew up in a different family. Maybe we drove our Mum and Dad crazy with us always fighting and not getting along they tuned us out because they got overwhelmed from the commotion or maybe they wanted us to learn to solve our own issues, I don’t know. Our mother was always yelling and screaming and we tuned her out. But yet they grounded me for two weeks. At least they didn't always ignore it. But we both survived our families." "So is Mom still ignoring Kelly?" I asked. "Are you Anita?" Dad asked. Mom shrugged. "You said you were going to try and speak to her again," said Dad. "That's how much she upset me. I know I have to be strong." "A week," said Dad. "That is how long Kelly has kept it going. Brian would always apologize a lot sooner because he would get sick of it. But Kelly is fighting it. Stubborn girl she is, very willful. We should be proud of that. Sticking up for her beliefs and not letting people over rule her. I think that is what you taught her Anita." "Yeah, I guess I did," said Mom. "But she is doing it for the wrong thing." She sighed. "Well, we have to teach her, get her help," said Dad. "Ignoring her won't teach her anything. Especially if she wishes Natalie died in the car accident." "Quit it!" I heard Kelly yell upstairs. Dad sighed. "Do we ignore it or go up there to see?" "Let them handle their problem," said Mom. "How else will they learn if we always butt in?" I heard Matthew playing with his Nerf gun. Kelly kept shouting at Matthew. "Ignoring them just like my parents," said Dad. "At least Kelly taught us something about this family. Jesus, we always have to wait until things get really bad before we do anything about it. But at least we know we did teach her something. Job well done." I went upstairs to my room. I lied down on my bed to rest a little bit. Kelly was sitting in the computer chair working on a crossword puzzle. She was in her pajamas and her hair was all wet from taking a shower. Kelly and I love puzzles. We love mazes, optical illusions, jigsaw puzzles, word search, and brain teasers. We’re very good at them but not all of them. We hate doing jigsaw puzzles that have lot of pieces that are small because it takes us forever to separate the pieces and the colors. We’ve done them before but we had help. That’s only one of the puzzles we’re not good at. Matthew came in our room and shot another Nerf at Kelly. He was also in his pajamas. “Matthew!” she yelled. “If you shoot another Nerf at me one more time, I swear to god I’ll take your gun away and you won’t get it back till the year 2001!” “I’ll tell,” said Matthew. “You’re not the mother.” “Okay, wait until Dad hears about you shooting Nerfs at me when I told you I didn’t want to be shot.” Matthew shot another Nerf at me instead. I ignored it. It wasn’t bothering me. Matthew shot some more Nerfs at me. Some of it did hurt but not much. The pain was very mild. I turned on my light and pulled out a container full of Archie comic books from under my bed and took one out and read it. Matthew picked up all his Nerfs and shot them at me again. "See Natalie likes it," said Matthew. Kelly sighed. Then something hit me in the face. My eyes went wide. I was stunned. It was one of Matthew’s Nerfs. I almost had a heart attack. If I was an old woman like in my nineties, I probably would have really had one. “Ha ha, scared you scared you,” said the Nerf. “You really are a scaredy cat.” I was very mad at the Nerf for hitting me in the face. I picked it up and bit it. “Owww,” said the Nerf. I pulled on it as I bit it. Then it ripped apart. I then realized what I had just done. I ripped one of Matthew’s Nerf’s apart. It wasn’t its fault it hit me. I felt too guilty to say anything about it. “Natalie!” Matthew yelled. I pretended I wasn’t aware what I did to his Nerf. I continued reading. “What?” I asked. “You ripped my Nerf in half!” “I did?” I asked pretending to be confused. “Yes! Look at it!” I looked at it. “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know I did it.” I threw his Nerfs off my bed. Matthew picked up his Nerfs including the broken one and left the room. I felt bad for what I did. I felt like a mean person. I wasn’t thinking when I did it because I was mad. Mom and Dad have told Matthew many times to not ever point Nerf guns at people’s faces. Matthew came back to our room and showed us his Nerf, the one I ripped apart. He had it taped back together with black tape. “I taped it back together,” he said. “Good,” I said. “Wow,” said Kelly sarcastically. “You guys wouldn’t mind if I play some video games would you?” said Matthew. “Play them in your room,” said Kelly. “I'm not a guy.” “More than one makes it guys and I want to play Nintendo, not Sega.” “How about gals instead of guys?” said Kelly. Matthew turned on the TV and pulled out Super Mario RPG and put in Super Street Fighter II. He turned it on and sat down in Kelly’s bean bag chair. I watched him play some of it. I wasn’t really interested in watching him play because I didn’t feel like it. I closed my eyes to rest. I couldn’t do it really well because the TV was giving me a headache. I put my pillow over my head to block the sound. Matthew said he was pretending the other guy was Kelly and he was beating her up. Kelly didn’t say anything. "Turn that TV down," I said finally. "It's giving me a headache." Matthew turned it all the way down. "I didn't mean all the way down," I said. "Why didn't you say so?" he turned it back up a little. I heard the sound a little bit but not much. I mostly heard buttons tapping on the controller. I read some more of my comic book and went to sleep.
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Post by Bad Beth on Oct 17, 2013 4:56:13 GMT
Chapter 5
I woke up in the middle of the night in a wet diaper. All the lights were off in my room and my comic book was gone. Everyone was in bed and I was still above the covers. I wonder how late it is. When I turned on the light and got out of bed, I realized I was very wet. But not wet enough to leak. It actually felt wonderful. I felt my covers for wet spots to see if my diaper had leaked. I felt none. The leakgaurds must have done the work. I looked at our clock. It was 1:35 AM. I got back in bed and turned the light off. I started to rub the outside of the diaper. I started to feel something and I wasn’t sure how to describe it. I stopped and then the feeling went away so I started again and it came back. I also felt crampy doing it so I would stop and start again. I also liked the feeling I was getting and would stop every time I started to feel a cramp. I loved masturbating in two diapers that felt thick and I liked the wet feeling. Kelly was sleeping through it all. It was giving me a feeling I used to get when I would pee outdoors or pee on my Barbies. I would always do it for that excited feeling. Now I was experiencing that feeling again with my diapers and it’s best when it’s wet. Then I felt all relaxed when I was finished. Then I started to poop. It was coming out slowly. I got under the covers and lied on my back staring at Kelly’s mattress above me while poop leaked into my diaper. I knew if I got out of bed, more would gush out a lot quicker. Sometimes when I stand, boom, it comes out and I had no feeling of having to make a BM. Even bending down can make it happen too. I was feeling helpless and I liked the feeling. I was also feeling nasty and I liked that feeling too. Nasty because I wasn’t going to change out of my diapers and into clean ones. It made me feel naughty too because I was staying in it and I felt like a dirty girl. I felt the outside of my diaper with my bare hand for a few seconds and went back to sleep in my wet and messy diaper. I woke up when it was light out. It was a new month finally. I still was not in school. Another day off for me. Matthew and Kelly were already in school so it was just me home alone again with Mom and our pets. I saw Princess sitting on the computer chair purring. She got down and meowed and walked over to me. I got out of bed and picked her up and stood up. I started to fill my diaper with poo again. I carried Princess downstairs. I went in the kitchen and got out a bowl and milk and Alpha-Bits. I poured some and sat down and ate. I still saw my sticky notes where I left them. After I was done, I put the milk and cereal away and put my bowl in the dishwasher. I took my pill and went upstairs. I changed out of my messy diapers in the bathroom and washed off and put on a day time diaper. I took the dirty diapers into my bedroom and threw them in the diaper pail. No I don’t mean I threw them in there, I put them in there. I got on the computer and got on AOL and went to Deeker’s and read more of The Blue Package. Like me, Randy had lost his friend Darren because his sister saw him in one of his diapers and dumped him as a friend for it and told everyone at school about him wearing them. Veronica and I were friends from preschool until second grade when I got in a car accident and ended up in diapers. After a while she decided to be on the bully side and started making fun of me too and didn’t want to be my friend anymore and she quit coming over to play. Now she was in the hospital from being in a car accident and I wonder if she will end up in diapers like me.
An hour went by and it was time to get off. I watched GoldenEye again but Mom interrupted me. “Do you want to go for a walk with me?” “No thanks,” I said. Mom saw what I was watching and told me it was a tape and I can watch it later and let’s have mother and daughter time. “We can do that later, we live together,” I said. Mom sighed. “Do you want to see how many more people say anything about your arrest?” “Kids are in school,” I pointed out. “I meant other people, neighbors who aren’t at work.” “No, I’m watching this,” I said. “Okay.” Mom walked away. I thought about things I could do to Kelly. I could pour some water on her bed and crotch while she is sleeping to make her think she wet the bed. With Mom gone, I decided to do Matthew’s idea. I went out to the garage and went to Dad’s workbench and grabbed a couple nails and string. I also grabbed a hammer and went up to my room. I started to pound a little hole in the door frame with the nail. Then I did the other side. Then I tied some rope and realized I needed scissors so I had to look for them. I found them in the downstairs kitchen in a drawer next to the pantry where the computer desk is. I brought them up and cut the rope after I was done making it tight. Now I had to remember to take a step each time I enter my room and I hope Mom never comes in or Matthew. I also moved the computer chair near the rope and went back to Mom and Dad’s room. I finished watching the rest of the movie. Mom was already home by then. I played some video games again. Just my normal stuff I do every day. Other kids think what I do is boring because it’s the same stuff all the time but I think they’re boring. All they like to do is talk and do nothing. What do they do for fun? What Kelly does is homework, talk on the phone or online to her friends, listen to music, watch some TV, reads. She is boring too. Sometimes I will see her play with our old Barbie dolls or with our old Little Tikes dolls or play on our old computer we have in the den. That is where all our old toys are except Matthew’s. He has some in his room, lot of them. Why do kids make a fuss about what I do when they do the same thing themselves? I am not sure what I would do with a friend, all I would want to do is play video games with them or watch movies. When I was little it was easier because we would play with dolls or play board games or do puzzles or play on the computer or swing on the swing set or play in my playhouse or in the sandbox. Then it got harder as I got older because their interests changed. At least I have Allie but she lives so far away in another town but we will be going to the same school. Maybe we will see each other often there but what will we do together there?
I had some lunch Mom made and I remembered to take my pill again thanks to the sticky notes. “Those notes are working,” said Mom. I put my pill bottle away. “Your father made a fuss about them being all over and I told him you put them there to remind yourself to take them and you are being responsible now instead of having us remind you and he backed off grumbling about having to see the mess.” “It’s not messy,” I said. “I know that,” she said. “He is just silly. Anything out of place is a mess. I bet if a coat were to fall off a hanger in the closet, he will say the closet is a mess.” I laughed. “Why is he so stupid? He’s not even blonde,” I asked. “He likes things perfect,” said Mom. “He has always been neat and tidy but has gotten worse when you were little.” “Why?” “He’s worried if the house isn’t clean enough, social workers will make a big deal out of it and take you kids away or keep coming back to harass us.” “What?” I asked. “Why would they do that?” “Because of what happened when you were little and people were stupid.” “What happened?” I asked. “I’ll tell you. Remember the Limmers?” “Yeah,” I said. Mom sat down at the kitchen table and folded her hands wriggling her fingers. “They were Mormon and one day they invited us to go to church with them so we did. You and Kelly were in the nursery and Brian was with us. Dad thought it would be great to get out of the house and go to church and see their religion and learn about it even though he had no interest in joining. He thought it would be great family time and be sociable. But instead we go there and find out all the little kids had to be in the nursery so they won’t disrupt the service. So we just put you there and we went to the service which was on the main floor and you two were in the basement.” I sat down in the family room on the couch because it felt more comfortable than sitting in a hard chair. “But during the whole session, alarms went off and we all got up and scrambled out of our seats and the priest yelled at us to remain calm and we all headed out the doors. The church went up in flames and everyone was standing outside and there were sirens and then Brian asked us “Mom, Dad, where are Kelly and Natalie?” I don’t remember what nickname he called you then and we both realized you two weren’t around. So I started screaming for you and Dad who was calm looked around and we saw the nursery group but there was no sign of you and Kelly. So I kept screaming for you looking around and I find out some parents actually went down to the nursery for their kids and I thought you were still in the building and the firemen wouldn’t let me back inside. So there I was crying thinking I lost both. Then I heard there were two small children found out in the field all covered in smoke and you were holding Kelly’s hand and she was crying and you were just pulling her away from the church. One of the firemen grabbed you two and you had to go to the hospital to be inspected for injuries and you both were fine. You had no sign of any burns either nor Kelly. Your breathing was also fine and you didn’t inhale much smoke.” “What’s this got to do with Dad?” I asked. “I’m getting there,” said Mom. “So you and Kelly went to the hospital and you were all okay. You got to go home the next day and we were grateful you two were still alive and not hurt and got out but no one knew how you got out. The place was all in flames and you two were covered in smoke, even the firemen couldn’t get inside because it was too hot and you two were trapped in the basement. You hated your sister so you were always mean to her. You pushed her, kicked her, stepped on her toes, pulled her hair, pinched her, you were always teasing her. You never liked having her as a sibling but when we first brought her home from the hospital you liked her. I can remember you first holding her on your lap in the chair that is in the living room and we have a picture of you hold her there. You always liked playing with her and would push her around in her walker or lie down next to her and play with her toys or hop in the bath tub when I would give her a bath. You also liked touching her soft spot and her toes and fingers and rubbing her cheeks and you would try and touch her eyes and you liked helping me with her diaper changes. You were my little helper. Then when she was a year old, you didn’t like her anymore, you only liked infants, not toddlers. But yet you saved her from the fire.” “Siblings do weird things,” I said. “No matter how much they hate them, they still want to protect them.” “Maybe they do that because if their sibling is dead, they wouldn’t have them around anymore for them to torment so that is probably why you got Kelly out of the fire.” “So what about Dad?” I asked. “Because we didn’t run down to the nursery or try and save you guys, some people thought we were bad parents and judged us for it. They were like “How can a parent not try and save their kids?” “How can a parent not go inside and save them?” “What?” I asked. “Were they blonde?” “I don’t remember.” “How could you guys save us if the building was on fire?” I asked. “I know, that is what is so stupid,” said Mom. “I wanted to go back inside but it was too hot and I was held back by the firemen and I guess me crying and screaming wasn’t good enough to tell them I did care and I was scared about losing you.” “So what about Dad?” “Some people judged us because we didn’t follow their standards and someone decided to call social services to report us because of the damn fire claiming us to be neglectful parents. But unfortunately, they sent a bogus social worker over here and she stopped by and investigated and she nitpicked about the toys lying all over the floor, trash being full, dishes being in the sink, bathroom sink needing to be cleaned and dirt on the floor and dirty clothes lying in the laundry room waiting to be washed, and because of my history like you being on the roof or me spraying a neighbor’s kid with a hose, and the time you wandered down to the creek and fell in, and with my medical history, it all didn’t look good, so we had social services on our butts for about a year. We both had to keep everything perfect for in case they showed up again and we had to fight them in court and prove I was a fit mother. None of you kids showed signs of abuse and you were all healthy and even Brian defended us and stood up for us. He didn’t want to be taken from us permanently and now he thinks Social Services are a bunch of crocs and unreliable. What makes me angry is there was a boy in your class who was getting abused at home by his mother and no one ever called CPS on her when her son always had bruises and scratches and who knows what story she had to explain those mysterious marks, especially the fact he always stunk and had dirty clothes always and no one called Social Services for that but yet they do when two parents don’t run down to the nursery for their children because of a fire? Sheesh, I followed her when we saw her in a store and I didn’t like how she was treating her son so we followed her and I saw her beat him and you got scared and hid behind me and started grabbing me hard screaming “Mom what is she doing? She is hitting him so hard, mommy, why is she doing it?” and I was appalled I started screaming at her. I remember going home and telling your father about it and calling the police and you have a mouth so you were talking about it in school and I didn’t even stop you from mentioning it because I wanted her to get caught but it was hard for us because you started to think it was okay to beat people when you’re mad and we had to keep on teaching you it’s wrong and the mother was bad and a mean mother.” “Why would I think it was okay if I got scared?” I asked. “Because you had never seen it and that is not how your father and I treated our children and then when the situation ended, you started to play those games with your dolls and making your Barbies beat each other and then I noticed you hitting other kids and Kelly when they make you mad. You were a kid and she was the adult so you didn’t know the behavior was wrong. All kids get scared when they see something new or have a new experience.” “Wow, I don’t even remember all this except him being in my class and then he was gone,” I said. “I didn’t like him so I was mean to him too like everyone else and he was mean to us so that was why we were mean to him and I did it because everyone else did so I saw it as normal and okay to do and I found it fun. Veronica and I would taunt him on the playground and follow him and I remember her saying to me “Let’s pick on Michael” and bring me to him and we start to tease him.” “Then I remember you coming home saying how he isn’t in your school anymore and you told me the teacher said his mom was mean to him so he got taken and put in a new home where people will be nice to him. So we had a talk that night about how not all kids have nice parents and not all kids have parents who love them and protect them or read them stories or make cookies with them and don’t love them at all and they are just mean to them. You were shocked about how there were actually parents out there that don’t love their kids and abuse them just like you would see on TV and you always thought it was all make believe because it was on TV. You never knew it happened in real life. That was why I was so upset when your sister accused me of being abusive. I don’t understand why she would think that.” “Why not talk to her about it, ask her why she thinks that,” I said. “I think it will be interesting to see what she calls abuse. I think we may have saved that boy’s life because I reported it. The kid had all those marks on him and you had a mouth so I think that was enough evidence to have him get taken and the school reported it too finally. It didn’t take long for him to get taken after the incident. I think when a social worker showed up, she saw the bruises and took him away. I am not sure how it happens but it happened fast and it was also good for the whole class. “Well, back on topic, when they finally closed the case, your father wanted the house to be perfect still in case they did ever come back.” “Did anyone ever find out how we got out of the fire?” I asked. “No,” said Mom. “You were obsessed with fire alarms and fires so you always talked about them and would pretend there was a fire and make all the Little People run out of the school or the house and you used to play it in our house too with your other dolls. Then you were in a real fire and you probably used your obsession and used Kelly and got her out. You learned about fire safety in school and you guys always did fire drills and you guys once visited a fire station and it really sparked your interest we always had to listen to it. To be sure you weren’t traumatized by the fire, you were evaluated by a psychiatrist and he said he noticed some impairments and your father and I didn’t listen. But he didn’t have any specific label because he didn’t know what you had. He was just there to see if you had any trauma and he wasn’t looking for a diagnoses.” “How come you didn’t listen?” “We were mules. We were too proud and you looked normal to us. “What made you two realize I wasn’t normal?” “When we got in the car accident and you weren’t yourself anymore and you had a huge change in your personality so your father and I decided to take you to doctors. Like he says, we always wait until things get really bad until we do something about it.” “Why?” I asked. “I don’t know. We just do. I never notice until it’s huge.” “Why?” “I don’t know,” said Mom firmly. I decided it was time to stop asking. I didn’t want her getting mad at me. “It was like a message from god if he were real,” said Mom. “Why?” “Because we ignored everything about you and kept thinking were you were normal and the car accident was an eye opener for us. It was as if it was to get us to get out of la la land and accept you’re different and stop ignoring it. But we still see you as normal. You’re just normal Natalie, I’m normal Mom, Dad’s normal Dad, Kelly is normal Kelly, Matthew is normal Matthew, Brian is normal Brian. What’s normal?” “Why do I have to be different?” I asked. “Everyone is different,” said Mom. “But I’m more different,” I said. “Why do some people have dyslexia, why are some people in wheelchairs, why are some people autistic, why are some retarded, why are some blind or deaf, why do some have learning disabilities? I don’t know why those people have to have them just like we don’t know why you have to have any. Why does my youngest sister have to have problems too and why do I have to have them and my two brothers? Everyone says everyone’s got problems.” “Doesn’t seem like it,” I said. “I think they mean normal things people have in their life. Everyone will have an issue with someone or have some drama going on in their life or being a victim of theft or having problems with their car or baring trying to make a living so they aren’t homeless. Every person you run into will have some sort of problem they’re facing. They’re not talking about disabilities or mental illnesses or issues that need to be worked on through therapy. But it can be downgrading when people just say you’re normal or everyone’s got problems when you are struggling through school and can’t fit in and you have no friends and you seem to be a target for everyone to pick on you and you just function differently and learn different and see things differently. How does that explain your struggles? You wouldn’t tell a person with a learning disability everyone has problems focusing on their school work and thinking or tell someone with dyslexia everyone has a hard time with reading or tell someone in a wheelchair everyone has problems walking.” “But everyone doesn’t have problems with walking,” I said. “I know that, that was the point. That’s why it can be downgrading when you have a true disability and everyone is trivializing it saying it’s normal and it happens to them too or to everyone else. What if someone told you everyone wets their pants?” I thought. I didn’t know what to say to it. “But they don’t,” I said. “Well anyone can wet themselves if they are drunk or wait to go to the bathroom for too long so to insist you always wetting yourself is normal, well if it’s true, then why isn’t everyone wearing diapers?” “Because they don’t wet themselves,” I said. “Yeah exactly. So it would be downgrading if someone told you “Pfft, everyone wets themselves.”” “I would tell them they can still go to the bathroom and not wear diapers.” “And if wetting yourself was normal, my own mother wouldn’t have punished me for day time accidents. All my siblings and my mom and dad would all be wearing diapers to bed. Everyone else in this house would be wearing them too.” Mom doesn’t have anything wrong with her bladder, she just has accidents if she doesn’t go to the bathroom soon enough because she can’t sense when she has to go. By the time she can feel it, she is rushing for the bathroom and can barely hold it because she waited too long to go so she goes on schedule. She has gone to doctors about it and none of them could find anything wrong so she has accepted she has to go certain times a day even if she doesn’t need to go so she won’t wet herself. It still happens if she loses track of time. She still has night time problems sometimes and she gets up in the middle of the night to go. Dad hates sleeping in her pee. They even have rubber sheets on their bed. I have them on my bed too for leaks and so do Matthew and Kelly so I wouldn’t feel left out and different.
Our visit ended and I went in the living room. I decided to look at our photo albums. I looked at my parents albums from when they were kids. They were black and white photos and some were colored. They each have one album and it goes from when they were babies until they were adults. I saw a photo of Mom sleeping in a box when she was little. She looked to be about four or five and I could tell she had diapers on. She wasn’t out of them in the day time until she was five. She had some of her siblings too in photos and Dad had some of his too. I thought they both looked cute as babies and kids. Mom looked normal in her photos and I wouldn’t be able to tell she wasn’t normal if I didn’t know her. I could tell in the black and white photos her and her sister had blonde hair and they both looked like identical twins. Then they started to look different when they got to their late childhood and they still look alike but not identical. Bridgett is fat and Mom is a lot thinner but she is still heavier than me. I can tell them apart by body size and how Bridgett’s face looks. People have mixed them up before like someone would call Bridgett Anita or call Mom Bridgett and they would go “I am not Anita” “I am not Bridgett” and gee can’t my relatives tell them apart? They look different because of their bodies. Dad told me not everyone is that detailed orientated. Mom, Matthew, and I all pay attention to that stuff and so does he about the house and other things. I once said at the reunion to one of my mom’s cousin’s kids how can they not tell Bridgett and my mother apart, she is fat and Mom isn’t and then I realized I had said it right in front of Bridgett and boy was I embarrassed but luckily she started laughing and so did everyone else around us. I got over it quick because I didn’t hurt her feelings and I didn’t get in trouble and no one was mad at me. I had said it out of impulse and I knew she was sitting right there. I just wasn’t thinking when I said it. Then when Dad heard the story, he told me I had to really watch what I say and think and pay more attention. Then one of my cousins made a comment to me about calling her mother fat. I said it slipped out and it was too late when I already knew. At least I don’t do this all the time. I did when I was little though and I think therapy fixed it.
I got finished looking at the albums and looked at the next ones. They were from when Brian was little and when he was a baby. It was before I was born. Mom looked so young in the photos and so did Dad. Mom looked a lot thinner in them too and more attractive. I even saw a photo of her being pregnant and I knew it was with Brian because the photo was too old for it to be from the eighties. She always had sunglasses on in the sunny photos and Brian always had on hats. I even found some Disneyland photos and some other theme park photos. I even found a picture of Mom sitting down in a chair holding Brian when he was a baby and my cousin Mike when he was a baby too in her arms. I also saw Brian with his aunts and uncle from when they were kids and he was with his cousins too who were older than their aunts. Grandma had her first child at sixteen and her last one at thirty nine and her oldest had a baby at eighteen so yeah, I have two cousins who are older than their aunts. Even my grandma doesn’t know why she had that many kids. She said they were all unplanned and then she got her tubes tied because she was getting too old to be having any more kids. I looked in the next one from when Kelly and I were little before Mathew was born. I kept on looking in albums. Mom and Dad had the whole bottom shelf filled with them. Meanwhile Mom was on the phone talking, it had ringed while I was looking. Then I found a cut out article from the paper. I could tell it was old because of the color. I saw it was cut from The Columbian and it was dated Wednesday Nov. 8th 1989 Mormon Church Goes into Flames the head line read. I read the article. Alarms went off at 11:15am on Sunday at Church of Jesus Christ on 250 East Churchill St. Saltwater, Washington. People rush out of their pews and run outside, some parents run to the nursery to get their toddlers and infants and rush out of there. Firemen came around 11:30AM to start putting the flames out. The church was built in 1925 and had been serving Mormons for the past twenty five years. It was a Catholic church before it was bought by The Church of Christ in 1964. “We have been going to this church for fifteen years and now it’s gone,” said Samantha Peters, 38, who grew up Mormon and has lived in Saltwater for fifteen years. “I am sad and so is my husband and my three children.” The building now sits in rubble with bricks left and burned up furniture and books and melted toys and remains of bibles. It took two hours to put it out. People and children grieved as they watched it burn. Two children were trapped in the fire, Natalia Evans, 4, and Kelly Evans, 1, and were found alive behind the church in the field covered in smoke. They were taken to Southwest Washington Medical Center and were found to be in good condition, no injuries. “I was very scared, I thought I would never see them again,” their mother Anita Evans, 32, said. The children were returned home to their parents. The cause of the fire is still under investigation. The people attending church there will be attending Saltwater Community Center for services and classes until the new church is built. Donations are being accepted at the fire station, police station, Thriftway, Hi School Pharmacy. They are also taking toys and story books for the kids and baby items. That was the end of the article. I was four when it happened and I had no memory of the incident. Then I remembered I used to have this dream all the time when I was little. I was in a room with Kelly and it was hard to see and it was light and dark. I couldn’t remember it clearly because it was too vague. But I was trapped and I was just looking around and there was noise and Kelly was in the room with me. Then I decided to grab her and pull her with me as I walked around. Was that the church fire I was seeing in my dream? Mom had gotten off the phone by then. “Natalie?” she called. “What?” I said. Mom came in the living room. “We have a meeting at your new school tomorrow. It for discussing your education before you start going there.” “What time?” “Three thirty when school ends.” “Mom, what caused the fire?” I asked. “Short in the wire,” Mom replied. “They got sued for not keeping up with the fire code. I would have sued them too if we lost you two but it still did damage to this family.” “How?” “Your father and the stress it put us through and he was drinking often and I was having accidents so I had to wear diapers.” “I thought you quit wearing them?” I said. “I did but I still wore them if I was having frequent accidents and it was rare.” “Why was it all stressful?” “Because of the social services harassing us and nitpicking every little thing that is normal part of living because some idiots thought we were bad parents just because we didn’t run to the nursery to get you kids or because I didn’t try running back in the building to look for you. We weren’t the only parents who didn’t run down to the nursery and they still made a big deal out of us not doing it. I mean sheesh, a mother crying and screaming wasn’t enough to tell them she cared about her kids?” “So why didn’t you sue them for the stress it caused? Why didn’t you sue social services?” “We wanted to move on. We were grateful you two were alive and weren’t hurt and we just wanted to move on.” “So how come you sued the drunk driver?” “Because of the damage he caused you and for this whole family. That time we just didn’t want to move on and let it go. Saying sorry and he made a mistake wasn’t enough because it sure wouldn’t make your medical problem go away and make you normal again. But he was an idiot if he saw it as a mistake and he does it again and takes his life this time. We still got money for it. Good riddance he is dead, that is one less idiot in the world.” “What did you do with the money?” “Put it away in savings. It’s never been touched.” “Why?” “We weren’t going to tell you this until it was time but it was put into a fund for you when you turn twenty one.” “How much?” “Five thousand. That was all he had.” “That’s a lot,” I said. “Why for me?” “Because of the damage he caused so Dad thought it would be great to give it to you for your adulthood when you become an adult. It was going to be for school but it was going to be all yours and you decide what you want to do with it. Good thing we didn’t decide fifteen or else you would be spending it all on video games and James Bond and then you would regret it.” “Why?” “Because you would be an adult and then wish you didn’t blow it off on stuff and you should have saved it for something better. That is why we decided twenty one.” I was shocked. I had lot of money but I couldn’t touch it until I was twenty one. Now I was looking forward to being an adult now. Only six more years to go, wait less than that. My birthday is in three months now. “How come I only liked infants?” I asked. “Because toddlers can walk and they are loud and they scream, get into everything and infants don’t do anything. They just cry and poop and pee and get fed and you hold them. You can’t really do much with an infant. You watch them trying to grip onto things or trying to sit up or trying to crawl or stand or take steps. They can be a handful too especially if they are colic.” “What’s colic?” “It’s when a baby cries constantly and they don’t ever stop. It’s very hard because then you can’t get any sleep or get anything done. Brian was colic and it was very hard and I didn’t want to have another baby.” “How did you sleep?” I asked. “I was sleep deprived and I would get so tired I would crash and end up sleeping through his crying and your father would come home to a screaming baby or my sister or her husband. They helped out too and then we moved to England when he was five months.” “How did you fly with a crying baby?” “He was over it by then.” “Did I cry a lot like Brian?” I asked. “None of you kids did, only him.” “What does crash mean?” “When you get so tired from lack of sleep, you can’t stay awake anymore so you fall asleep just like that,” Mom snapped her fingers. “Then you don’t wake up for a while.” “So what happened when you crashed?” I asked. “Who took care of Brian?” “They did and let me catch up on my sleep.” “What about work?” “Called in or got a babysitter, I don’t know.” “Don’t you remember when you woke up, was there anyone home besides you and him?” “It was so long ago I do not remember,” said Mom. “I just remember crashing and sleeping through his crying because I would barely get any sleep and then after a while I would crash on the couch or something. Then I would go another five more days of lack of sleep and do the same thing again. Your body gives out after a while when you haven’t gotten any sleep.” “Why?” “Because all our bodies need to rest and when we don’t rest, it does it for us. It’s like when an engine gets over heated, it stops running and then it has to cool down before it runs again. Or when we run, we get tired and have to rest. Same as when we’re working.” “I wonder what happened to Brian when he was home alone with you sleeping.” “Just cried and cried and no one there to change him or feed him and no one was mad at me about it because they understood. It wasn’t like I decided to go to sleep. My body would just give out. We had a doctor telling us to just ignore it and there is nothing we could do about it so just let him cry. But I couldn’t ignore the crying. The tears in his eyes and the puffiness in his cheeks and eyes from all the tears, how could I ignore that? I don’t know what kind of mother would ignore their baby. That is a way to teach them attachment issues and a doctor suggests that? What an idiot. Even idiots can get their degrees in medicine or nursing. You can have a big IQ and still be dumb. Anyone can be stupid. But your father fell for it because he would try and make me stay in bed just so I could get enough sleep and I would panic about leaving him crying and have anxiety and a breakdown about it so we took turns caring for him at night so I wouldn’t be sleep deprived. He finally started helping me because what if I fell sleep with him in my arms or nursing or in bed, I could roll on top of him or suffocate him with my boob or have him fall out of my arms but I always made sure he was in a safe place before I crashed. Elizabeth helped out too and so did her husband. They all took turns and it made it easier for me.” Mom picked up one of the albums and looked through it. “Oh look, Dad used to take you and Brian to the airport to watch planes land and take off.” Mom showed me one of our old photos and there was me looking out the window at the runway where planes took off and landed. I was two in the photo and I had my hand on the window. “Where were you when we were there?” I asked. Mom shrugged. “Probably at home or I was working. He was just having alone time with you kids.” Mom looked through more photos and showed another one to me. “Look at you on the potty chair watching TV with Brian.” I saw myself sitting in our old potty chair we used to have and I had the tray on and I was looking at the TV with Brian who was also sitting in his kid’s chair and I had my sippy cup on the tray and some raisins. It just looked like a regular chair with a bucket that slid under it and I was butt naked and had pants off and I was eating while I was trying to go potty. It was like a portable potty and I could go anywhere in the house without stopping what I am doing. Just bring me the chair and I go. I used to love that chair and in GoldenEye, Boris had a riddle and it was “You sit on it but you can’t take it with you” and the answer was chair but you can take it with you and it depends on what the chair is. You could bring that potty chair with. I figured it out instantly when he said it but Natalya was too dumb to figure it out and even James knew the answer too when she asked him. She is very dumb in the game too but dumber. She gets in the way when you are shooting and I don’t know how many times I have accidentally killed her. Especially on the Control Center level she tells James to keep it down because she can’t hear herself think. Uh how do you keep it down, you can’t control the volume of gun shots and can’t control the noise of men running and shouting and then breaking glass to shoot at her. She has also gotten stuck behind doors and walls because she would be running and somehow the game would mess up and she would be behind the door trying to get through and she won’t go around so I have to restart the whole level. Maybe her hair color should be blonde. That would match her dumb personality. Then Mom showed me another photo and there was her holding Kelly when she was born. It was taken in the hospital. Then there was another photo of me sitting on the bed with her with her food and Kelly was nowhere to be seen. I saw more hospital photos and I could tell I had a diaper on in the photos despite being potty trained because I had a huge butt. There was even a picture of me standing over Kelly as Dad was holding her and Brian was standing next to him. He looked so young in the photo, he had no facial hair or a men’s body, nothing. He just looked like a little boy still who hadn’t entered puberty yet. Then I saw the photo of me sitting at home in the living room chair holding Kelly. I had my hair cut short by then I looked like a boy if I didn’t wear girl clothes. Mom even said I was a tomboy and at one point in my life, I wanted to be a boy. Now I prefer to be a girl and stay one. I don’t want all that body hair and I wouldn’t want anything hanging on my crotch. I wonder if it ever hurts when they sit on their penises or when they run. That was why I wanted to be a boy so I could pee standing and not have to pull down my pants to go. I opened Dad’s album back up and showed Mom a picture of my grandparents with a pram while my grandfather held a baby in his arms. “Do you know who that is?” I asked pointing to the baby. “Is that Dad?” “Yes,” said Mom. I studied the background in the photo. It looked like they were in a park standing in front of the flowers. I assumed it was at a park in London since that is where they lived. They all still live there except Dad. I looked at the other photos again and put the album away. I stood up and Mom sighed. “Natalie, did you forget to change your diaper again, the back of your pants are wet.” I felt the back and there was a wet spot. “I forgot,” I said. “Sorry. I lost track.” Mom took her watch off and set it and then she put it on my wrist. “Go change now and when the timer goes off, change again.” “But you need it to remind you to go to the bathroom,” I said. Mom smirked. “You’re more important than my potty breaks. Go change now.” I went upstairs to my room. I had gotten so into what I was doing, I had forgotten about changing my diaper. I took off my pants and my wet diaper. I cleaned up and put a clean one on and threw the wet one away. I put on a clean pair of pants and got back on the computer and continued reading The Blue Package. Then I decided to put books above the door again but I would wait until Kelly is nearly home.
When the time came, I got up and put books above the door again and put the computer chair near the door. Then I decided to move the TV set so I rolled the thing it sat on with the Super Nintendo and the games and had it in front of the door and when Kelly comes in the room she would trip on the rope and over the TV set and books would hit her when she comes in. Better than the computer chair. I turned the TV and game system on and put in Super Mario Kart. This would help me pass time before Kelly gets home and falls into my trap. I kept on playing and playing and Kelly should have been home by now but I didn’t hear her come home. I played more and she still didn’t come in the bedroom. It was ten minutes past when she got home from school. I decided I would just enjoy my time in my room until she does come home. But she never came home. It was already four and Matthew was home. I wondered where Kelly was. It was so weird she never came home. Where did she go?
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