Post by Bad Beth on Jun 10, 2019 6:48:34 GMT
Chapter 11
“Time to wake up,” a nurse’s voice yelled.
I woke up and Brittany woke up too and stretched her arms and yawned. I just laid in bed looking around the room and closing my eyes still.
My diaper was totally soaked and I felt my pajamas and had leaked. Plus it smelled strongly of urine.
I could hear the nurses walking around and then one of them came back, the same nurse, and shouted again “Time to get up,” and she started flicking the light on and off and Brittany freaked out from the light flicker. She shrieked and screamed and covered her eyes.
I just covered my ears and pulled the cover over my head to block out the flicker.
“Then get up,” the nurse shouted and left again.
I stayed in bed and refused to move until Brittany was gone but she stayed on her bed and didn’t move.
Then another nurse came back and pulled Brittany out of bed and I heard her fought and I put the pillow over my head to block it out. Then the blanket was ripped off me.
It was cold and I opened my eyes and it was another nurse.
“Ugh, go change now,” she ordered.
I hated being here and wanted to go home.
I froze and wanted privacy but the nurse pulled me out of bed also and saw the wet bed. The mattress was all plastic and I was so glad it was.
She just stripped it and walked out with the sheet.
The nurse was yelling at Brittany and I just grabbed all my clothes and a clean diaper from the pack and went into the bathroom.
I stripped naked and took off the wet diaper and I realized I needed wipes.
I had forgotten about wipes so I sat on the toilet and waited until the room was clear.
Then one of the nurses started knocking on the door asking me when I will be out.
“When the room is empty,” I said.
“Breakfast is out, then it will be time for your therapy session, hurry up.”
I waited a moment and I got up and peeked out the door. The door to the hallway was open so I closed it and grabbed some wipes. I just grabbed my bag and carried it to the bathroom with me and I got cleaned up on the toilet. I put rash cream on and put on a clean diaper and got on some clean clothes and I hid my used diaper in the trash bag again and tucked it back under the bed. I handed my wet pajamas to one of the nurses telling them I needed them to be washed because my diaper had leaked and got the bed all wet. She took them from me and said they would take care of it.
I went in the dining hall and ate my food and all the nurses were checking on us. They just paraded around the dining room like they were troops making sure everyone was eating. No one had napkins I noticed and I ate all my food. It wasn’t a lot which was good. I was so glad they didn’t put a bunch of food on our trays.
I was made to sit next to the other kids because I wasn’t allowed to isolate myself so I kept to myself. But then another girl sitting across from me said “You do realize they put extra ingredients in our food here to make us put on some weight,” she said.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Because this is the treatment center and they want us to put on weight so they put extra stuff in our food because they know we won’t eat it all.”
“What do they put in it?” I asked.
She just shrugged.
Breakfast lasted a long time and I just sat here thinking about my life at home. I missed my Nintendo and my cat. I also thought about Patrick.
Then finally at ten, breakfast time was over and I needed a clean diaper again. I changed in the bathroom again and went to therapy. Everyone was there. Just the twelve of us. We all talked about our life and I had to introduce myself.
“Everyone, we have a new patient here if you have noticed,” said one of the nurses. “Why don’t you introduce yourself and tell us about yourself.”
“I’m Natalie and I like video games,” I said.
“Can you tell us about your life at home and what brought you here?” the nurse asked.
“My parents found out I had been throwing up my food and hiding it and they would keep all the bathroom doors locked and be in the bathroom with me when I take a shower.”
All the kids reacted.
“That’s sucks, no privacy,” said another girl.
“There is no way I am going to let anyone watch me go to the bathroom,” said another kid.
“It was my grandma’s idea,” I said. “So I was doing it in the trash can in my bedroom and taking it outside and putting in a new trash bag and then my Grandma found it and told my mom and dad about it and they brought me here.”
I didn’t know what else to say so I stopped talking. Other kids started to talk and the nurse and I felt myself having an accident. I felt the diaper getting warm but I was too busy dealing with being in this place to even enjoy the feeling.
After the session ended, it was gathering time and we all hung out in the room again.
I found it weird we had adults around watching us like we were little kids. All the girls were talking quieter and would stop talking whenever an adult got closer. I just worked on a jigsaw puzzle.
Soon it was lunch time and I ate and I was warned by the same girl again to not eat all of it because they contaminate our food with extra stuff to fatten us up.
“They make it look like very little food but it’s all extra calories,” she said.
I ate only half my food and pushed the tray away.
“You’re catching on fast,” said the girl.
I looked at the other girls and they also were poking at their food and I wondered if any of them actually ate than rolling their food around or squishing it with their silverware. None of us had napkins. We each had to ask for one and then they would take it away after we were done. I knew the reason why we were not allowed napkins. This place was strict about kids not eating. No wonder I was sent here. Mom thought this place would get me cured fast from what I am doing.
I played with my food to past time. I cut it up and moved it around.
Lunch time lasted a long time again and some girls were taken to be weighed. It wasn’t my day to be weighed because I had just gotten here. Even Brittany was taken to be weighed.
I had to change so I found a nurse and told her I needed to change my diaper.
“What?” she asked.
“I need to change my diaper before it starts to leak,” I said again.
“Huh?” she said.
Why was she playing dumb? She was a nurse so she was supposed to know about incontinence.
“You’re a doctor, you should know these things,” I said and I walked away.
I went to my room.
At least she knew where I would be.
“Hey where are you going?” the nurse asked.
“To my room to change,” I said.
The nurse left me alone after that and I grabbed a clean diaper from under my bed and wipes and I changed in the bathroom again. I came out with the diaper and saw Brittany on her bed. I hid the diaper behind me right away.
“Hello,” she said. “I gained two pounds, they said I can go home if I put on five more.”
“Great,” I said.
“Do you mean great as in good or great as in bad?” she asked.
“As in good,” I said.
“I can’t wait to go home.”
I went back in the bathroom and tried to figure out a way to hide the diaper so I tossed it in the shower and closed the curtain and came back out. I also hide the wipes in there too.
“This room still smells awful,” said Brittany.
I saw my bed had been made again and it had a fresh sheet on it. I got my stuff and I took out my Game Boy.
“Oh you have a Game Boy, what games do you have for it?” Brittany asked.
I told her the list of them and she asked if I had them all with.
“Yes,” I said.
“Can I see?”
“I’m playing right now.”
Brittany got close to me and peeked over my Game Boy to see the screen but I told her she was blocking my light because I couldn’t see the screen.
“I want to see you play.”
“I don’t like to be watched because you are too close to me and you make it too dark for me,” I said.
Brittany turned on the lamp and shined it on the screen and peeped over my head again but she still made it dark.
“Quit it,” I said.
“I gave you more light.”
“Go over to your side of the room.”
She left me alone and she was doing something but I ignored it.
I was too busy playing I didn’t know she was going through my things until “Diapers?”
I jumped and I dropped my game boy and shot out of bed.
“What are you doing in my stuff?” I screamed.
I grabbed her and I shoved her across the room.
“What the hell are you doing in my stuff?” I screamed again.
“I wanted to see what games you have,” she cried.
“Who told you it was okay to go through peoples things?” I yelled.
She started crying.
I was mad. Mad because she now knew I wore diapers and was going to tell everyone and now everyone was going to be making fun of me. I wanted to go home now.
I ran out of the room. I needed to call my parents to come get me.
I ran into one of the nurses.
“Whoa, where are you going?” she asked.
“I need to call my Mom and Dad,” I said quickly.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t like my room mate and I want to get out of here,” I said.
“Let’s go back to see what the issue is about.”
“No, I want to go home, I will not be made fun of now because I can’t control my bowels and bladder like a little baby,” I cried.
But the nurse kept on insisting we go back.
She took me back to our room and Brittany was under her covers.
The nurse started talking to her asking what was going on in here before I left.
“I wanted to see what games she had and she started yelling at me,” she said.
“You went through my stuff and are going to be making fun of me now,” I yelled.
Maybe if I started to be mean first to everyone here, then everyone would have a real reason to not like me and have a real reason to be mean to me and it wouldn’t be because I am different and because I have to wear diapers. If I couldn’t get out of here, I would try to give them the reason to let me leave.
I hated being here, no video games but my Gameboy until the batteries die, too many new people, I hated being stuck here and with Brittany who was so stupid and annoying. This has been too stressful and it’s been making me depressed.
Now I had to figure out how to be so mean now and have everyone hate me and be so miserable with me here, I would be kicked out of here. I bet everyone would be too distracted by my meanness to even make fun of me about wearing diapers and to notice I am not normal.
The nurse and Brittany talked and then the nurse talked to me. Once again she sided with Brittany saying she didn’t mean to embarrass me and go through my things and the nurse reminded her we do not go through peoples things without asking.
I was relieved when Brittany also asked if she could get a new room because she couldn’t stand the smell in here and the nurse said she would fix it and asked me if I had any dirty briefs laying around.
“Call them by their proper name please,” I said.
“I am,” she said.
“But that is not what they are really called, just call them by what we call them for babies,” I said.
“Where are your used diapers so I can get them out of here and we can have someone come in here periodically getting them so the room won’t smell.”
I got the trash bag from under the bed with my used diapers and I got one out of the shower with the used wipes and gave the bag to the nurse.
She left and I ignored Brittany.
Now I was figuring out how I can be mean here. How would Cruella act if she were stuck here?
I had just realized I am not good at being mean if I am trying to be mean. I could just shove people randomly or call them names when they are stupid and let them know they are dumb. I could call Brittany a retard since that is what she acts like because she is so stupid and annoying. I could also call her dufus. How can I be so mean and get kicked out of this program?
My name was called again and I had to see a doctor privately.
I was brought into a room and it had a table and chairs. A male doctor came in.
“Hi you must be Natalia, I am Shane Shaul, the clinical psychologist, and I am going to be asking you some questions about you and your family.”
He had his hand out at me. I shook his hand and I let him take my hand and shake it.
We sat down and he said, “Do you go by any other name or is Natalia fine?”
“Natalie,” I said.
“Natalie,” he said. “How are you doing?”
“I want to go home,” I said.
“I think we all do,” he said. “How is life at home?”
“My aunt finally moved out,” I said. “Now I can play my Nintendo 64 again and not have to wait on the shower anymore and hear my dad going crazy.”
“What do you mean by him going crazy?”
I told him about my Dad’s need for a clean house and how we all have strict rules and Kelly and Matthew can’t seem to follow the rules and how Grandma Del had to come down to help keep the house clean because Mom is too busy with her artwork to make money because of Dad losing his license and having to pay all these fines.
“Whoa, what did he do?” he interrupted me.
I told him about Dad’s drinking and where he is from, it’s normal to drink a lot. They don’t consider it being an alcoholic but we do here. I told him about the bar fight and him crashing his car into a bank and totaling it.
The doctor asked me more questions about my family life and my eating. I told him about my fear of getting fat and how good it makes me feel. I feel powerful and in control when I keep this body and when I am controlling my food.
“It is sounding like to me this has less to do with your weight and more with your family life,” he informed me. “You have a father with a drinking problem and issues with compulsions and you say you have a mother who has anxiety and social issues and a grandma that is controlling and seems self-absorbed and then having relatives living with you, do you think this is the factor to your eating behavior?”
I shrugged. “My family has always been like this, I used to have an older brother living with us and he always took care of everything until he moved out.”
“Yes and that changes everything. Sometimes teenagers do things when they feel they are not getting any attention or don’t have control so they may resort to getting into trouble at school, getting in trouble with the law, doing drugs and drinking, and you just happened to pick your weight because that is something you can control. Have you ever engaged in self harm behavior?”
“No,” I said.
He asked me some more questions and I answered them honestly as I could.
Then he asked me a hard one.
“Have you ever been sexually abused?”
“Uh well my brother got himself drunk once last summer and he told me we had a baby sitter who just loved to play with me during my diaper changes and he was fourteen or thirteen. He said he caught him one time and locked him out of the house and kept him out there until our parents got back and they never hired him again. But he told me to never tell anyone and not even our parents or else they will get mad at him and I am not supposed to ever know this,” I said. “Maybe that is why I played inappropriate with my dolls when I was older. Maybe he did all those things to me.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t even remember it and I know nothing about it,” I said. “And he was drunk so he could have just been bullshitting.”
“People rarely lie about these things, even when drunk and too much alcohol consumption lowers your impulse and judgment and your filter that allows you to know what things to say and not say and how to act and not to act so your brother saying what was on his mind and was very likely the truth,” said Dr. Shaul. “But I think this is also an important thing here you just said. If everyone had kept this a secret all these years, then you never are going to get any proper help and it is very important we know all this stuff when you are getting treatment. Failing to tell us the truth can result in a false diagnoses, missed diagnoses, lack or proper support. How did you used to play with your dolls?”
I started telling him but he said he meant inappropriately.
“I used to pee on them and wear their heads in my underwear and I used to smell their butts and touch their boobs.”
“What kind of dolls were they?”
“Barbies,” I said.
I didn’t say anything else and he asked me if that was everything and I said, “sure.”
“Was there any other sexual abuse in your family?”
“My mother.”
“Was she a victim?”
“Yes sir.”
“Were you ever a victim of her?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like has she abused you.”
“No.”
“When was she a victim?”
“When she was little like age two or three. It was by her uncle, her mom’s brother.”
“How old were you when your baby sitter played with you?”
“One.”
We talked more and then he said he had to end the session and said we would talk more later.
I left the room and I felt guilty for betraying Brian. But he would never know just as long as I never tell him I told a doctor. I still wasn’t convinced what he said was true because I was fine. Why did I even have to tell Dr. Shaul this? I had never told anyone, and I am even too afraid to ask my Mom or Dad if that was true and what had happened to the baby sitter. I couldn’t imagine Mom and Dad never doing anything about it, it didn’t sound like them at all.
“I took you outside with me and when he came out, I ran back in with you and I locked him out and we watched Pete’s Dragon while he was stuck outside,” Brian told me while he was drunk. “I had to lock you in my room every time he came over and I used to just take all the door keys and he would try and get in. Mom and Dad finally stopped having him come over when they saw I didn’t like him and was just locking myself in my room with you.”
Brian had also told me how Mom and Dad wouldn’t believe him when he told them what he saw him do and they believed the baby sitter instead and I was too innocent to even understand. So he had to change my diapers instead of him and poopy ones were the worst because it was so gross. None of the other parents believed their kids either about him. Then he disappeared, poof. I had asked him what had happened to him and he said he didn’t know. No one would talk about it. He was just gone and he had vanished. Maybe he got caught finally and went to jail. But it was never mentioned again. All of his neighborhood friends were just glad he was no longer baby sitting them. I’ve wondered why the baby sitter never touched him and Brian said he didn’t know.
I walked slowly down the hall by myself wondering how many kids knew about my diapers. I was waiting to be laughed at and be made fun of. I went back to my room and Britney was gone but her stuff was still here. I went into my stuff and worked on my fill in puzzle. I sat in a chair and worked on it.
I heard my name being called later and then another nurse came in my room.
“There you are, everyone is looking for you and we washed your PJs,” she said while setting them on the dresser. “Come on, everyone is waiting.”
“I would like to stay here,” I said politely.
“Sorry, but you need to socialize with everyone here, that is part of the requirement.”
“But, I don’t want to be made fun of,” I protested.
“We have staff around.”
I felt very nervous. I grabbed my stuff and slowly walked behind the nurse as we left my room. She led me to the lounge where everyone hung out.
I saw all the girls including Brittany and no one said anything to me about my diapers. I bet it would happen in a few minutes.
The TV was on and kids were talking and hanging out. They were talking about boring stuff. I saw what was on and I saw Ian Malcolm was explaining the chaos theory to Dr. Sattler. I hadn’t seen that movie in weeks when my cousins had decided to put it on.
I sat away from the group and sat by myself against the wall. It hurt to lean against the wall. I worked on my fill in again. Brittany was also by herself. She was just doing a jigsaw at a table.
No one still said anything about my diapers. I bet it will happen soon.
I kept working and then I felt something building up down there and then poop was oozing out.
I looked at the TV again and Tim and Alan were racing down the tree while the car was falling.
I looked at my puzzle again and more poop came out. I didn’t need to worry because I took my odor pills that keeps the smell away and no one here would know I had pooped my pants.
I focused on my puzzle while I was pooping.
Soon it all ended. I could feel it all mushy in there. I had just saw on TV the T Rex had just given up chasing after the Jeep Wrangler.
I decided I was done pooping so I got up. I headed for my room again and a staff assistant was calling after me.
“Natalia, Natalia,” she was calling.
I walked in my room and closed the door. I went under my bed and took out a clean diaper and grabbed my supplies with it.
The door opened and it was that same person.
“You need to be with the group,” she said and then she stopped short when she saw I had the stuff in my arms. “Oh. Come out when you’re done,” she said. She left closing the door.
I changed in the bathroom and I left the diaper rolled up in the waste basket this time for them to take later. I went back out to the area.
I felt more comfortable being out there since no one had said anything about my diapers.
I did the rest of my puzzle and the movie had ended.
One of the other nurses had arrived and told us it was now dinner time. Kids groaned.
We all went to the dining area but some girls stopped at the restrooms first. Even Brittany had went.
“How come you never go?” one of the girls had asked me.
“I do, I just have gone to my bedroom,” I said.
“She doesn’t need to go, she can just go in her diaper,” said Brittany.
I blushed and at the same time I was fuming at her comment. How dare she?
“Huh?” I asked playing dumb.
“Yeah, you don’t need to take any potty breaks,” she told me.
“I do too,” I said.
“No you don’t, you never need to use the bathrooms here and you only go to the one in our room.”
“And that’s my potty break you idiot,” I said.
One of the other girls pat me on the bum and said “Yep, it’s true, she has one on.”
I had lost it and I was finally grabbing that girl and I pulled her hair and was hitting her and then before I knew it, other girls were grabbing me and then one of the staff members came running and shouting, “Whoa whoa whoa, what is going on here?”
“She’s attacking us,” one of the girls said.
I had my hand around the girl’s neck who had touched my bum.
“Natalia, let go,” the staff person told me.
I let go and I was taken away. My puzzle book and pencil and eraser remained on the floor.
I went for it but the staff person was grabbing me.
“My stuff,” I cried.
“Just come, worry about it later.”
But I wasn’t going to leave it. I pulled from her but her grip was hard so I hit her to get her to let go of me and I scratched her to get her to me go. She tried to restrain me but I shoved her aside. I finally was able to run for my stuff and I was picking it up when I was being grabbed again so I pulled her hair hard and grabbed her neck.
The girls saw it and they were backing away.
“Someone go get someone,” the staff person shouted.
Some of the girls ran off.
The staff person grabbed my arm and my hand to get me to let go of her neck. I grabbed her other hand and was grabbing one of her fingers.
“Ow,” she was shouting and she let go and I grabbed my stuff and just stood there.
I felt better I had my stuff.
More staff came, nurses and staff.
I couldn’t remember what else had happened but I remember I was led to an office.
“What was happening?” the other nurse asked.
“This isn’t the first time this girl here has had trouble,” one of the nurses had said. She told her what had happened.
Then everyone left and it was just me and one other person that was in the office. I sat down.
“What happened?” she asked.
I told her what happened. Everything from Brittany telling everyone I wear diapers to getting my bum touched to me trying to get my stuff.
She just sighed. “Your parents did inform us about you but they didn’t tell us you have behavior and you attacking others and running off.”
She was looking in the filing cabinets and then she asked me for my last name.
“Evans,” I said.
She kept looking in one of the drawers and then she said, “Ah here it is.”
She took out a folder and opened it. “It says here you have double incontinence and require pills for it and disposable briefs and you are on prescription meds and you have anxiety and what’s this, I can’t read the word but whatever, I see you have a learning disability and obsessive-compulsive issues. You need to get along with the other girls here or else we will start isolating you.”
“Better than being made fun of,” I said.
“What?”
“Better than being made fun of,” I said again.
“So you don’t want to be with the other girls?”
“No,” I said.
“Okay. I think we will just leave you in here for you to relax.”
I was left alone and I noticed I didn’t have my dinner so I figured that will help me keep thin. I worked on my puzzle again.
My food was never given to me and soon I was told to go back to my room. I went back to my room and there was Brittany again. I needed a clean diaper again. I was ready to fight her if she made fun of me. I got my supplies and I was going to shower. I had to leave the room just to tell someone I wanted to take a shower. Then I had to wait for someone to come in just to watch me shower. There was still a curtain so I felt better because I would still have some privacy. When someone arrived, I got undressed in the bathroom and took off my diaper in the shower and tossed it on the floor. The lady unlocked the shower valve and I turned it and I stood out of the way until the water was heated up.
The lady got to see me in my diaper and she didn’t say anything. Now my wet one was laying on the bathroom floor.
I washed my hair and in order to shave, she had to watch me shave myself. I’m pretty sure she saw me peeing too because I always pee in the shower every time I shower. After I got done with shaving, I turned the water off and she handed me a towel. I dried off at the top first and my hair try to get much water out as possible. I stepped out of the shower and I grabbed my clean diaper off the bathroom counter where the sink is.
I was hoping I wouldn’t dribble. I grabbed the rash cream and sat on the toilet setting the diaper on the floor. After I got done, I stood up and put the diaper under me standing over the toilet. Then I leaned against the wall and put it on. The lady had to watch it all and saw how I put my diapers on. Then I threw my wet diaper away in the waste basket. My other used diaper was still in there. I put my pajamas on and brushed my teeth and took my pills including the odor one.
Then I was done and came back out.
“Brittany, do you want to shower before I go to another room?” she asked.
I was relieved when she nodded and jumped off her bed and it was her turn to be watched.
I heard her making a comment about my used diapers so the lady told her someone will come and take those.
I read a book while she showered. After she got done, she came out in a towel and no clothes on. I didn’t even look but took some peeks to see what her body looked like. How much pubic hair did she have, what did her boobs look like. I didn’t get to see anything because she had her back turned against me so I only saw her butt and her back.
The staff person left and went to a different room. I heard another shower going.
My tummy grumbled and it made me feel good about myself.
Brittany got done getting ready for bed and I was shocked she was also on medication. She left the room with her prescription and then came back.
She came near me and I felt nervous and she then went to her side of the room.
My tummy grumbled again and Brittany turned around and said, “Did you even have dinner?”
“No,” I said.
“Why?”
“They didn’t give me any.”
“What? How can they not give you dinner, we’re not even allowed to not have any.”
“They didn’t give me any so I guess that was my punishment,” I said.
“Wait, you get into a fight and they don’t feed you as a punishment?”
“I guess,” I said.
“Wow, I am telling all the other girls so they know how to skip a meal.”
Brittany sounded happy.
Then there was a knock on our door and another staff person came in. She had a trash bag with and she went into the bathroom and emptied out the garbage.
“Finally, now it won’t stink in there,” said Brittany.
“Lights out in ten minutes,” said the staff.
She left and I kept on reading.
“Why do you wear diapers?” Brittany asked.
“Because I am too lazy to use the bathroom,” I replied sarcastically.
“Why?”
“Don’t you hate getting up to go pee or to take a dump, don’t you hate dropping what you are doing just to go to the bathroom?”
“I just hold it,” said Brittany.
“You wouldn’t have to if you just wear a diaper.”
“How do you get them?”
“From the mail,” I said.
God this girl was so dumb.
“But how does it come in the mail.”
“The mail truck, is your true hair color blonde or what?” I asked curtly.
“No, this is my natural hair color,” she replied tugging at her almond hair.
“You sure act blonde.”
“You know blondes aren’t actually dumb, those are just a stereotype-”
“I know that, god you’re so stupid you actually believed everything I say, you think I actually wear diapers because I am too lazy to get off my ass to use the bathroom?” I yelled.
“You’re a bad actress,” said Brittany. “I know you’re not that mean and you are just wearing the mask to hide who you really are so none of us will know the real you.”
“I want you all to leave me alone, don’t talk to me, just ignore me and pretend I am not here and then I will be nice again,” I shouted.
“Whatever you say.”
I went back to reading and then someone came in our room to tell us lights out.
I turned off the lamp and grabbed my stuffed animal and went to sleep. My tummy grumbled from the hunger. What a good feeling.