Chapter 27
I found out Mom had taken the dress off Mittens because she was miserable in that thing. No wonder Kelly never said a word about it. She also got mad at me for leaving my used diaper in the bathroom and she threw it at me hitting me with it. Then she complained about her hand being dirty so she washed it. She then went to strip her bed and just sighed when she saw the mess. She angrily tossed Matthew’s toys off her bed and started stripping it. She tossed the linen on the floor and she kicked Matthew’s toys out of our room and in the hallway. Then she went downstairs. She came back up with a trash bag and started tossing the toys in there. Then Matthew came out in the hall and asked her what she was doing with his toys.
“Throwing them out,” she said. “Want them back, leave me alone, don’t play any tricks on me or do any practical jokes and that includes Home Alone. Is that clear enough?”
“Yes,” said Matthew.
“Okay, you can keep your stinking toys or I’m taking them.”
Kelly tossed the garbage bag on the floor and walked away. I wondered where Mom was. Maybe she was ignoring us again or she was out walking Skippy. I believe today was her turn. We all take turns walking the dog and Dad does it on his days off. I haven’t been doing it because of the arrest. I had stayed hidden in our home. My parents never made me leave the house because of it.
Soon Dad came home and it was around four this time. His boss must have let him off early again. Right away he and Mom went to their room again and after that they both avoided each other. Dad just stayed in the bedroom lying on the bed. He seemed like a different person despite he wasn’t drinking anymore. He just had the TV on and he let me watch whatever I wanted when I wanted the TV. He was back in his regular clothes again instead of work clothes but he was still wearing sweats and a long shirt. I wondered what had happened to him. First he turned into a bad person, then he told Mom he wished she were a normal wife, he dresses differently, and now he is just sitting around and avoiding Mom. But yet I was still talking to him because I had questions.
“Dad,” I said. “When did you get arrested?”
“When I was your age, fifteen,” he said.
“How come?”
"I got in a fight with some other kids from school and we were all hitting each other and beating on each other and someone called the cops and they came and took us in and we were all let go. No bails were set, only our parents were called and they came and got us and I was grounded for two weeks."
"Did you get locked up?" I asked.
"No, we were just held in the office until our parents came and got us and charges were dropped."
"Why did they drop the charges?"
"I don't know. Maybe because it was just a fight so they were being nice and letting us go thinking we had learned our lesson and letting our parents handle it."
“Why did you get arrested for that?” I asked. “I remember hitting other kids and kicking them and them doing it to me and we never got arrested.”
“You were little,” said Dad. “It’s different when you are a teen or an adult. It’s called assault and assault is against the law. We were all disturbing the peace and we were loud and shouting at each other and angry and we were all hitting each other and we were at a store when it happened.”
“Why did it happen?”
“One of us shoplifted and one of us told him to put it back and he refused and we tried grabbing it from him and he got mad at he started assaulting us so we assaulted him back and then we were all shouting at each other and screaming and cursing and hitting each other and someone called the police. None of us were hurt.”
“Why did you get grounded for that?” I asked. “That was so stupid.”
“It was for fighting and I could have handled it better, that was the punishment.”
“If that were me, I would have thought it was so unfair and think I got grounded for being with my friends and they did something wrong and I tried stopping him and for defending myself.”
“For you,” said Dad. “I knew better. I think because of our young age, we got off easily and they figured being arrested was bad enough and the store owner did get their item back our friend took. I just had a bad temper back then too and that was the reason why I got in the fight. He called me a name and I got mad.”
“What name?”
“I don’t remember, it was a long time ago before I met your mother and I was still living back at home.”
Dad calls England his home. I sometimes wonder how he feels being in another country and away from his family.
Then he got out of bed and his shirt was up a little and I thought I saw something sticking out of his pants and it looked like something Mom and I wear. He pulled his shirt down right away. Now I couldn’t stop looking at his bottom. His shirt made it impossible for me to tell. Every time Dad would look at me, I would look away.
Dad lied back on the bed again. He still kept his shirt pulled down.
“Do you ever feel homesick?” I asked.
“Sometimes,” said Dad. “I miss them right now.”
“How come you never move back?” I asked.
“I tried one time and it didn’t work out.”
“Why not try again?” I asked.
“Because it’s where this family is.”
“Why not move us there too?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I am not sure if it would work out again or not or if your mother would want to live there again. She was leaving with Brian because she didn’t like living over there so I went with her so I could be with my son and I didn’t want to be so far away from him and live in different countries so I went with her.”
“Why didn’t you stop her from taking Brian?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I just didn’t. I wanted her to be happy and she wasn’t happy where we were and she loved Brian and I loved her so I picked them over my own family. It’s hard being with someone who is from another country and their family is there and yours is here so you have to make a huge sacrifice.”
“I wish we lived over there instead,” I said.
“Why’s that?”
“I think it would be great living in a foreign country,” I said.
“You do live in a foreign country, all countries are a foreign country, get it?”
“I mean living somewhere else,” I said.
“Then you would probably be thinking you wished you lived over here because it’s a foreign country,” said Dad.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have been incontinent if we lived there because then we wouldn’t have gotten hit by a drunk driver.”
“Oh I see. It will get better once you get out of high school. Adults are more mature and they will be too busy with their own lives to even care what you wear. Then your medical problem wouldn’t be a problem anymore unless you make it be. Just trust me.”
"How do you know?” I asked.
“For one, we have laws against harassment and I am sure incontinence would fall under the disability act so if anyone were to give you a hard time about it, report it and work places have a policy against harassment.”
“But Mom said she had a hard time with other co-workers and the noise and environment,” I said.
“That’s her, she has bigger problems she deals with and you don’t have many problems so I am sure you will be fine. I am sure she can work but she needs the right environment but we’re not worrying about it right now. The longest she has ever kept a job was two years and it was at a department store but then she lost the job.”
“Why?” I asked.
“She caught her boss stealing merchandise and didn’t report it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“She made a deal with him and it was blackmail and she did it so she could finally keep a job and not quit and not have any trouble and he got tired of her blackmail so he got another job and quit and she finally told and that nearly got her into trouble with the law because it turned out he had been stealing from them for the last ten years and reselling it and he was doing it at other places too he had worked at. Only way she could get off so easily is if she testified in court against him and she did but she lost her job because she didn’t report it. Her boss got ten years in prison and she got none. But we had to get a lawyer though because she knew about it, they thought she was stealing too when she wasn’t but what she didn’t know was she didn’t know he was stealing because the boss took the merchandise out of the car and put them back and he put them back in when she wasn’t around. He kept on stealing and she never caught him again. It was only that one time she caught him and he took the boxes back out so she knew nothing about it but she was still fired because she didn’t report him attempting to steal.”
“So Mom caught her boss taking stuff and she caught him and made a deal with him that she won’t tell anyone if whatever deal they make and he accepted it and he put the stuff back and then took it when she wasn’t looking and he had been stealing all over the years and she knew about it?” I asked.
“No she didn’t know he had been stealing and it was only that one time she caught him but he took the stuff out of the car and put it back and when she wasn’t around, he put it back in his car and it was only once she caught him so she didn’t know he took it because she thought he put them back so she didn’t tell anyone because of it and made a deal she won’t tell anyone she caught him attempting to steal if and he accepted it because he didn’t want to be caught. I do find the whole thing funny honestly.”
“Why?”
“Because she was blackmailing her boss, isn’t that hilarious?”
“I don’t see anything funny about it,” I said. “How did she blackmail him?”
“Having him give her what she wants at work and letting her have her way or she will tell and he couldn’t even fire her either.”
Dad and I talked more about the whole incident. It happened before I was born when Brian was little, about three, four, and five years old before Mom was pregnant with me. Mom was very lucky to be found not guilty because she was facing three years in prison and she didn’t get a criminal record. Her boss would take merchandise and put them in his car and take them home and sell them and he got ten years in prison. What got Mom off was because of her problem and her inability to see the big picture and her problems with understanding people and her lack of social skills and she functioned at a level of a child despite her normal IQ but she had immature emotions and very bad social skills and Dad was like her caretaker so she was found not guilty. If she were normal, the jurors probably would have thought she knew about it and she was pretending she didn’t know. She even had to be evaluated by a psychiatrist and he also defended her in court. In his defense she couldn’t see the forest for the trees so that was the reason why she would get involved in the crime. Dad was making it sound like she was retarded.
“What forest?” I asked.
“It’s a figure of speech,” said Dad. “It means she isn’t able to see the big picture so if you were to see a forest, all you would see are a bunch of trees and not even know it’s a forest. Your mother has a hard time seeing the big picture so she’s always needed help with it. Do you remember a test your doctor did with you? He asked you what do you see and you said a bunch of rectangles and then he handed you another test and asked you if you could see the big letter and you said you saw a bunch of them. But when he asked you what do they all make you realized the rectangles made a huge square it had lines in it making small rectangles and you saw a bunch of letters made one huge letter. Your Mum would have had a hard time seeing it and it would have taken her longer to figure it out but you figured it out instantly when he said something about it.”
I didn’t remember being given such test.
“Other people would notice the huge letter first with the small letters and notice the big square with the little squares,” Dad continued. “Maybe if nothing was ever said, you wouldn’t have figured it out or it would have taken you longer to notice it but your mother, she wouldn’t have a clue after being asked. You would probably have to point it out to her and then she would see it.”
“I’m surprised she isn’t even mad at you anymore for your drinking,” I said.
“Oh she is still angry at me. She just has her own way of showing it. Sometimes when she is very nice all of a sudden and sweet and being very loving, it means she is very angry. She won’t let me drive for Pete’s sake unless it’s for work and she has given me a curfew. It’s like she is my mother now instead of my wife. I always felt like I was the father and now it’s in reverse and I am the one who makes all the money and pays the bills which is funny. I also think the only reason why she got me out of jail is because she needs me because I work and pay all the bills and without me working, I wouldn’t be making any money to pay the bills and our phones and electricity would shut off and the satellite, we wouldn’t be able to afford food or be able to pay for gas and we would have our home gas shut off too and you would have no warm water or any water because they would shut that off too and it wouldn’t be good for you kids. But she was very mad at me and very hurt she was actually crying and threw every insult at me she could think of for my behavior.”
Then Mom called us to dinner. I went downstairs and there were four plates again.
“Bored yet?” Kelly asked Mom. She just grabbed Dad’s plate and served herself some food and sat down in the wrong spot. Mom didn’t say anything.
Dad and Matthew still hadn’t come down yet. Mom just went upstairs to get them both. Kelly started to eat and I just sat and waited. It seemed to take a while and then Mathew came downstairs. “Mom and Dad are really really acting weird. I thought I overheard Mom saying in their room “I just changed you Glenny, I’ll get you cleaned up again,”” he said. “What did she mean by that?”
“I think Mom is making Daddy wear diapers,” I said.
“No way,” said Kelly.
“I thought I saw them sticking out of his pants so he dresses differently for it, all the bathroom doors are locked and I overheard her saying on the day she got him out of jail he will be wearing them for a week and threatened to make it longer if he keeps complaining.”
“Nuh uh,” said Kelly.
“Then feel his butt when he comes down if you don’t believe me,” I said.
Soon Mom and Dad came downstairs. Kelly didn’t touch his butt. Dad made her sit in her normal spot and he grabbed another plate from the cupboard and served himself and sat down.
We all ate in peace. Matthew was talking again about his interests. Mom and Dad did not say a word to each other. Everyone was done in fifteen minutes and we all cleared our spots and had to help with the dishes while Matthew went back to what he was doing. I just grabbed a key and went under the house. It had a bunch of stuff under here. I wanted to see what I could use from down here for Kelly. I saw some of our old furniture like a couple trunks, rocking chair, and a magazine holder. I saw a bunch of boxes and baby stuff. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be under here but I was anyway. I would just say I was looking for our Halloween costumes if I get caught. I found our old high chair and one of those ugly 1980’s strollers, an old baby swing, crib, play pen, and I found a box with our old Nintendo games in it with the old Nintendo system and two Zapper guns and the power glove and the arcade joystick and different version of the game controller. It brought back memories of when I used to play Super Mario bros., Duck Hunt, Super Mario Bros. 3, Rampage, The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong 3, Kirby's Adventure, Bases loaded Second Season, Double Dribble, Anticipation, Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, Metriod, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, Barbie, The Little Mermaid, Tiny Toons, Battletoads, Golf Challenge Pebble Beach, Double Dragon, Dr. Mario, Yoshi, Excitebike, Gauntlet, Zelda II, Home Alone 2, Ice Climber, Balloon Fight, Rad Racer, Paperboy, Pac-Man, Super Glove ball, and Teenage Mutent Ninja Turles. Those were all the games we had. I can’t believe we kept them after our game system quit working. I also remembered playing Super Mario Bros. 2 and a Spiderman game and The Simpson games, Marble Madness, and some McDonald game, Mega Man and other Teenage Ninja Turtle games we would rent. I looked at them for a little while smelling them and shooting the zapper listening to the sound and playing with the buttons on the controller and joystick and pushing the power button on the old NES system and I saw it had a game inside it and it was Mappyland. I put on the power glove and played with it remembering the times playing the old NES system. I took it off and counted how many games we had with it, thirty two. No wonder Mom and Dad didn’t want to get us a Nintendo 64 and said they would have to keep buying games for it. Super Mario Bros. and Duck were all in one cartridge so I counted it as one so it was thirty three total. I have not seen other people with these many games. The most I have seen people have were like seven games but this was eight years of having the system when it worked so it took us that long to have that many games for it. We still had the original NES controllers too but not the hook ups. I am not sure what happened to them because they were not in the box. Then I moved onto looking at other stuff. I also found a box of records and couldn't believe they kept those too after their record player had quit working. I looked through them and noticed they also had some of them on CD. I also noticed they had some Disney albums and children songs including Raffi. I read the back and saw it was the same album we had on Cassette. They were probably Brian’s from when he was little. I found a box of 8 track tapes. I could remember Mom playing those when I was little before the car accident. I also found some old magazines. I also found their old stereo and 8 track player and cassette player and record player. Mom and Dad don’t seem to get rid of anything and they just toss it under here or in the attic even though we have had garage sales our neighborhood does every summer and we all have our garage sale and sell things we don’t want. We have sold our old clothes and old toys we outgrew or didn’t want anymore, outdoor toys like the Little Tykes car and some push car, or the rocking horse on springs or Little Tykes Picnic table and teeter totter and that one sand toy that is a crane, old bikes we outgrew, an old easel I got for Christmas when I was two, and junk my parents didn’t want any more but we still had our old tricycle and red wagon. But I still have lot of my old stuff. I could never bear to get rid of it. We even still have our old games and puzzles. I bet Mom is glad she only had four kids because just imagine how much more stuff we’d have if she had more like ten kids. We would all be crowded in our rooms and it would be so hard to live I bet. When Mom was a kid, three slept in one bedroom and Aunt Elizabeth had to share a room with my mom and her twin sister and they were six years younger than her. Then when she was older, it was her and Bridgett only and Elizabeth was out on her own with her own life and Aunt Caitlin and Jane shared a room and John, Sam, Robert and Ted all shared a room, and Grandma and Grandpa slept in one room. Then when they had Celeste, they put her with Jane and Caitlin. But yet Mom and Dad refused to put Brian with Matthew and they stuck Kelly and me together. Robert and Ted were fourteen and twelve years older than Sam and they were nine and seven years older than John. So they all had to suffer sharing it with John. I wonder if Bridgett had to suffer sharing with my mother. I wonder if Kelly suffers sharing with me.
Then I heard someone coming. I heard Dad talking and then I saw them come in and Brian was with. He had come to visit and Dad and him were talking.
“Hello?” Dad called.
I didn’t answer.
“Mum must have been under here and she forgot to turn off the light and lock the door. Close the door," Dad told him.
He closed it. I saw them stand towards the tarp that covered the dirt under our house. I could also see the air holes that led to the outside through the foundation and they let light in. I stayed hidden behind boxes and baby stuff.
"I thought you two were good friends," I heard Brian saying.
"I screwed up," said Dad. "I love your mum very much and she called her retarded and said bad things about her. It made me so angry I wanted to hit her but I knew it could cost me my job so I threw her beer instead and stormed out."
"What things did she say about her?"
"I don't even want to repeat it, it made me so angry. Then she brought up my mistake I made with her and if Mum ever finds out, she will kill me and be so hurt I don't know what her family would do to me. I just knew I had to have less beers in me when I am around pretty women. Then I decided I didn't want to be at her house anymore and I would rather be at the bar instead and she got mad at me."
"You cheated on her?" Brian asked being surprised. “How could you do this to her? How could you even do this at all? Is she pretty or better looking than Mom or what?”
“She is fit and pretty thin and Mum had to put on a few extra pounds between Kelly and Matthew and she lost her flat belly from four kids and she is taller than your mother and she is prettier and has blonde hair also and she is a couple years younger but she has two kids who are still in their teens and she is divorced. She is also “normal” so she isn’t complicated like Mum is. She’s a lot easier and she can do things Mum can’t even do or doesn’t do.”
“How could you do this?” Brian asked. “You know having kids always changes the woman’s body because it’s hard on it and the more kids they have, the worse it gets and you chose to knock her up and use unprotected sex or even get fixed and you picked her over a better looking woman because of her body? I think that was despicable because you knew she had problems and you knew she was average height and you knew she will get older but you picked her anyway and then you decide to go after another woman because she is better looking and younger and only had two kids? Seesh if you wanted to keep her body, you could have not have had more kids.”
"I know that and it's something I have to live with for the rest of my life and keep it hidden forever and buried. I don't even remember what happened that night. I was drinking and talking with her and then we decided to go to bed and rest and then the next thing I knew I woke up and it was morning and I had my clothes off and so did she. She knew I was married and she just went with it because she told me I got on her and she enjoyed it and said it was the best sex ever. Now she is going around trying to slander me making me looking like the bad guy and twisting it just to get back at me. I love your mother very much and I don’t regret having more children with her and I still see her as the day I first saw her. She has taken care of me too and asks me obvious questions everyone would know about but it’s a sign she does care and can think of others.”
"Well you just made a mistake, maybe you should tell her so she understands what is going on at work and why you had been drinking more."
"I can't tell her Brian, did you just get deaf? She just thinks my boss is a jerk who won't let me take time off and is over working me."
"You can't keep lying to her Dad, the lies just get bigger and bigger, you should come clean."
"Mum never understands other people’s perspectives and she might not understand this."
"Maybe if you are remorseful and tell her you are no longer with the woman and you no longer go to her house and drink, I am sure she will forgive you."
"I don't know Brian. She has told me how she feels about cheating and I am afraid of what will happen."
"What's the worst that could happen? Her leaving you?"
"Her family siccing me like they promised."
"How long ago was that Dad?"
"Nineteen seventy three."
Brian laughed. "That was twenty seven years ago. Times have changed. Do you think they would still do that? Mom has changed a lot too and she isn't this frail woman anymore and isn’t as vulnerable. Do you think they are still over protective?"
"I don't know Brian. I am not going to take any chances. My sister in law will tell me every now and then 'I see you are still taking good care of her and haven't hurt her yet.'"
"I am sure she was just teasing and giving you a hard time, you take things so seriously Dad."
"I can't help it, it worries me and I won't take any chances."
"Have they ever gone after you yet?"
"I got my ass kicked by her older brothers in nineteen seventy four," said Dad.
"That was a long time ago, they were young and over protective and you were taking advantage of her."
"I was stupid back then too, I desperately wanted to fit in and have friends and I thought I could make some good money from them and I used your mother. But that was how we met even if it meant getting my arse kicked and being alone for five months so why do I think she will take this well? She didn't take it well last time when she found out but by then I wasn't even doing that anymore and they were no longer my friends because they liked teasing me now. So we were both victims in it, they used me, I used her."
"And she had obviously forgiven you or she wouldn't have taken you back," said Brian.
"And it was horrible last time and I am not going to go through it again."
"Whatever Dad, I won't tell Mom about this because it's your problem, not mine and I will just pretend I don't know about this and you never told me. I never knew any of this. This is something for you two to work out alone and I know what happens to her if something bothers her so much, she regresses. I remember the time when she got in the car accident and Natalie was in the hospital longer than everyone else and then came home, I had to do more work and even her mom had to take a vacation just so she could come down to help her so I wouldn’t be doing all the work. Now ever since I have moved out, it just sounds like now the whole family is falling apart because I am not here.”
“She is just a handful I haven’t been able to handle her right now so I have been avoiding coming home and would rather drink instead and she is bad at having sex. She has always sucked at it.”
“Oh Dad, how unbelievable. Why’d you pick her if you knew she was terrible at it?”
“I thought it was a phase and she will get better over time but it never happened and she was very beautiful and very innocent and cute and I liked her personality and she was smart and I saw she was capable of taking care of kids but she may need help with it when she has her own. She looked like a model you should see old pictures of her and she always smiled and laughed. She just can’t get over her issues with bare skin so I always have to have clothes on and I always have to do all the work. She just lies there and it’s a chore for her to do the workout. I think she has a low sex drive. I’ve put up with her, she’s put up with me. It works both ways.”
“If she is stressing you out this much and is too much for you and you have been drinking to cope, maybe you should look into getting a divorce?” Brian suggested.
“Are you crazy?” Dad asked. “I am not going to divorce your mother. We have been together for too long and marriage is a commitment.”
“But you two don’t sound happy together, she is too much for you to handle, work has been hard for you, and face it Dad, people change and so do their interests, Maybe you two have outgrown each other and what is going to happen if you both stay together?”
“I don’ know, I will try and figure something out. Where will she go, who will get custody, how will she take care of herself?”
“Leave it up to the kids who they want to live with,” said Brian. “It will be up for Mom to decide where she will go and what she wants to do. It doesn’t need to be ugly and she has her family to help her figure it out, just come to an agreement and there won’t have to be any battles and lawyers and fighting for custody.”
“I don’t know how she will take this,” said Dad.
“You won’t know unless you talk to her, it doesn’t have to be ugly and just because a couple gets a divorce doesn’t mean they can’t remain friends or not see each other, maybe you two are fine as friends but as a married couple, it doesn’t work. You’ve grown apart and pretty soon you will be old and what will happen then?” said Brian.
“I’ll worry about it then but her family lives so far away and how will she manage to live on her own and keep a job, last thing I need is her being in the streets just so she can be close to the kids if they decide to stay here? I would also hate to be far from them too.”
“You really do care about her,” said Brian.
“Of course. I am not one of those heartless people who would throw their mentally ill spouse in the streets and not care what happens to them and how it will affect them and who knows what her family would do if I did that to her.”
How is Mom sick? I thought.
“She isn’t sick Dad,” said Brian.
“Problems, issues, whatever, I don’t know how else to describe her. But I know she has problems and acts like a child and she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia before and Bipolar, and borderline personality disorder, and then those were revoked because she didn’t have either of those and then she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder but it still doesn’t explain everything. She has been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder and schizoid personality disorder. All those are mental illnesses.”
“Denise thinks she may have Asperger’s because of how she dresses, interacts, her lack of reading social cues, how she communicates and approaches people, her need for routines and structure, the lack of empathy, and not understanding other people’s perspectives, her issues with crowds and taste and smell and sounds, and touch, but she isn’t qualified to say she has it because she doesn’t know her well and she isn’t her patient and she doesn’t know her history and she doesn’t know much about it.”
I hated the word Asperger’s. It sounded like Ass burgers and I had heard of it before online and quit reading it when it was sounding like me and I didn’t need to be even more abnormal. I thought it was As purgers. I also pictured hamburgers because of the burger part. Why is it peoples fault by how others treat them so it makes them have it? If everyone would treat me normal and not single me out, then I wouldn’t have it. I would no longer have it. Then I had forgotten about it so maybe I will again.
“It wouldn’t surprise me if she does,” said Dad.
"You already knew about it?"
"For couple of years," said Dad.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"I didn't think it was important."
"Dude, if you would have told us, I probably would have had a better relationship with her and I may have still been living here."
"I thought you moved out because of Kate?" said Dad.
"I did but the real reason why I moved out was because I was tired of Mom's verbal abuse and always fighting with her and she never allowed me to have my own opinion and she thinks everyone is stupid when they don't share her view or aren't like her and I got tired of refereeing and being your pet. Twelve years of torture. I wonder if that was the Asperger's."
"She isn't even diagnosed so I can't even say she has it so therefore I didn't tell anyone," said Dad.
“Then maybe you should take her in, take her to a doctor who knows a lot about it and have her get tested.”
“She won’t go in for a diagnoses because she has had enough doctors and mislabels and pills being pushed on her and what good would it do for her if she got it? She isn’t sick nor is she dying.”
“It might bring you two closer together and it might improve your marriage. It might also help you understand things better about her and help her understand herself better and know what to do about it, it will also help you too,” said Brian.
“You don’t need a diagnoses for that, you just find out they have it and then go from there without needing a doctor telling you your wife has it or being told you do too.”
“Well only a doctor would know for sure. You can’t just diagnose someone without a doctor just like you can't diagnose yourself or someone with cancer and then expect medical treatment because the doctors would want to know what is wrong with them first before they help them."
“I know that, she just doesn’t see the point in the diagnoses if she already knows she has it. Besides, I think her problems are also from her past trauma and don’t forget post-traumatic stress disorder, the rape and diaper punishments.”
“How did you find out about Mom possibly having it?”
“Ever since they thought Natalie may have it, we never told her because we don’t want her using it as an excuse and it was the closet they could get to for her problem but they said she was somewhere on the autistic spectrum at the very mild end. Maybe we should tell her because she is starting to figure it out and retarded is all she can think of and I keep telling her she isn’t and having a different way of learning or having problems with social skills doesn’t make her so but she won’t listen. But even she is a handful sometimes like her mother but she isn’t bad as her. She is a lot better than her. After all some of her problems come from the head injury she suffered, and anxiety, and depression, hormonal imbalance, learning disability, obsessive compulsive disorder, and mean kids, but they said she had very little of it and she could improve her social skills if she works at it and could live a normal life like everyone else. She may not go to college but there are plenty of jobs out there that don’t require a college degree and I may have to help her get started since she has that trouble and she can go to voc. Rehab or have a job coach. She could learn to drive too. I know she wants to be independent and get married and have kids.”
What? I don’t have OCD or I would be like Dad. What was he talking about? How could I have it? If he had kept that from me and Asperger's, what else had they kept from me? This was all making me uncomfortable what I was hearing. Great, another thing wrong with me. I'm being sarcastic of course. Why can't I be normal? Now does this mean I can never be normal?
"You kept it from her too? Wow. Did you tell Kelly or Matthew?" Brian asked.
"Nope."
"Why?"
"We just didn't."
"Geez, you bother telling all of us about OCD, dyslexia, anxiety, depression, sensory problems, but not Asperger's?"
"We didn't tell any of you about her past diagnoses or her having avoidant personality or schizoid either."
"Why?"
"We just didn't, we never thought it was that important and they're all just labels, we have only described problems."
"Whatever. I think it's all absurd what you're doing. I am a little upset now about all this I feel gypped. Even if you were just suspecting, you still should have told us."
"I'm sorry," said Dad. "I didn't think it was that big of deal and you already knew she had problems so why do you need a label for it?”
"To understand things better and why things are the way they are with her instead of thinking she was just stubborn or selfish or self-centered or arrogant, or something she could just get over or thinking she was just abusive and not resent her."
"I didn't know you resented her," said Dad.
"Well I did and still do but I still love her as a mother. Now Kelly is struggling with her and now she wants nothing to do with her own daughter because of the note she wrote."
"She said some nasty things in it and it was very heartless and very insensitive."
"Well do you think there may have been some truth to it?" Brian asked. "Take out all the insults and whatever mean things she said and look at it and see if she is right. The truth may still hurt but at least it shows her perspective and feelings and you are looking at it rationally. Just think about it. I wish I could see the paper."
"I have it put away and hidden so Matthew can't get to it and read it, he never saw the paper but he somehow found out what was said in it. Maybe Natalie told him and he got the truth out of her. Now they are doing sibling rivalry. It's just practical jokes. Not a big deal but sometimes they do it at the wrong time and I don't think it will solve anything."
"Looks like you need to do a family meeting."
"I will just wait until it all blows over. How much longer could they stay mad until they get over it or when Kelly decides to apologize?"
"I don't know Dad. I still think you should look at it rationally and go from there. I know how difficult it is to look at something rationally when hurtful things are said, especially about people with special needs or mental illnesses because our feelings get in the way. They become our enemy sometimes because it keeps us from solving anything and looking at it from other people’s perspective and we stay mad at them or hurt and then it blows over but that isn't very good because the problem is just buried and nothing gets worked out or solved because of our emotions."
My legs were getting sore from the squatting I was doing. I wish they will leave.
“Are you still drinking?” Brian asked.
“Not right now and I am not sure how much longer I can go without it. It’s been a few days now and I am still craving it and having a hard time sleeping and I snapped and drank and crashed my car. I have court on Wednesday and I am waiting to hear what my charges will be.”
“I hope it goes well, I can’t believe you did it.”
“Neither could your Mum and Matthew, Kelly, and Natalie. They were all mad at me.”
“I was upset about it too when I first found out,” said Brian. “I was appalled. I think she had every right to be angry at you and chewing you out for two full hours straight.”
“I know. I betrayed everyone. Now we are waiting for what the charges will be and hopefully I don’t go to jail and if I do, I hope it’s only for a few days. It’s not like I killed anyone or hurt anyone.”
“You were very lucky. If you had to drink heavily that night, it does mean you do have a drinking problem and Mum was right and so were the kids. Will this be the end of your problem finally?”
“I am going to have to cut back.”
“That’s the spirit. I know if my wife did what you did, I would have wanted a divorce but Mom didn’t ask for a divorce did she?”
“Oh she was thinking it and asked me to give her three reasons why this marriage should remain.”
“What were your reasons?”
“Well one of them is personal but the other two were she’s the best for this family and the third one was we have been together for so long and have always hit bumpy spots in our marriage and then it would blow over and get worked out and she told me the problems will keep coming back and I told her that happens to everyone, things get better and then something happens and things are bad again, it’s part of life, life isn’t full of roses and rainbows and unicorns. My parents didn’t have a perfect marriage either and my dad had been banished from our house several times by my mum because she would get so mad at him she needed him to be gone so she could cool off. I never did that to your mother. Instead I would banish myself from the house and stay with friends or stay in a hotel room. Then she wanted to know how she was the best and I told her she cares about the kids, she is tough and follows through what she says, she’s worked hard as a parent despite her problem, she fought for Kelly’s education and when Natalie was two, she kept on getting ear infections and your mother kept on going back harassing her doctor about her problem and asking for a referral because he kept blowing her off and she just kept going back until the doctor was worn out so he finally gave her a referral just to get her off his back. Then she was bugging the high school principal and I think that was why Natalie was actually kicked out of school. If she kicked her out, then she wouldn’t have to deal with your mother so it was easier for her and I decided why keep bothering and why should she keep wasting her energy when we can put Natalie somewhere else. She was unhappy in her school anyway and kids were mean and they were harassing her and the principal was saying it was all her fault so I decided to keep her out. That is one of the good things about her, she fights and doesn’t give up, if she wants something, she will keep fighting to get it until you are worn out and give in. Sometimes it’s bad but it’s good most of the time.”
“How could it be all her fault?” Brian asked.
“She was stupid,” Dad said. “She thought if Natalie tried harder, she will be “normal” and I think she just thought she was a normal child and your mother and I both had Munchausen by proxy and used the car accident as an excuse because she does look normal, but even her medical records didn’t convince her she had a problem. She probably thought she was a brat. We didn’t like her.”
I thought my parents said I was normal and now Dad is saying I am not? What other things have they told me that were lies?
“I didn’t like her either when she was my principal. Then I was bummed out when I found out she was the high school principal," said Brian.
Dad laughed. “At least she is out of your life and Natalie’s. But my other two kids will have to deal with her and I hope she does retire there before Kelly goes there.”
Ms. Penny used to be the elementary school principal before I went there and then in 1989, she moved to the high school when Brian was in sixth grade. I didn’t like her either. I did at first because I liked how she looked, her short hair and glasses and she was about my height but once school started, I realized what a bitch she is. She wouldn’t help me at all and didn’t seem to care and she told me it was my fault for how I am treated and she treated me different and she kept trying to make me look at her. I don’t like it when people want me to keep staring at them as they talk. It feels so uncomfortable and I can’t stand looking at their faces and I feel threatened like I am being invaded and I can’t stand to see their eyes. It feels like prickly branches. I don’t know why some people want you to look at their faces.
Dad and Brian kept on talking. He told Dad since Mom stuck with him after his drinking and driving, she may still stick with him after cheating on her once but Dad was still unsure and still didn’t want to take chances. My legs were very sore from the squatting. I tried to hold still but I fell down and hit some boxes.
Dad and Brian looked.
"Who's in here?" Dad asked.
I didn't answer. But I heard them come towards me and looked. They were looking around and then Brian saw me. "Natalie?"
"What are you doing down here?" Dad asked. "You’re not supposed to be in here. How much did you hear?"
"Everything," I said. I was also upset with what I heard.
"Okay I guess I am not the only one who knows about this," said Brian.
I got up and stood on my feet. It felt so good to be standing normal now.
"Natalie, I do not want you ever telling anyone about this, anything we talked about I don’t want you repeating, not even to your mother. I will even buy you Nintendo 64 games every month if you don't let this slip out," said Dad.
"Cool," I said.
"Dad you're seriously not bribing her," said Brian.
"I have no choice, she can't even keep a secret and never could so I have to bribe her so she can try harder and not do it."
"I can keep a secret," I said.
"But it always comes out after a while," said Dad. "People know how to get it out of you. Did Matthew get you to tell him what was said on paper?”
“No,” I said.
“But he found out somehow,” said Dad.
“He figured it out,” I said.
“And how did he figure it out?”
“Asking me questions and he just figured it out without me telling him.”
“See, he knew how to get the truth out of you. When people know you know something and they want to know too, they find ways to get it from you.”
"I don't think this is even a good idea, it's asking to be black mailed," said Brian.
"Don't give her any ideas," said Dad.
"I was just warning you why it's not a good idea."
"Whatever, I don't want Mum knowing about this."
“I thought you said I was normal?” I said.
“You are,” said Dad.
“But I heard you saying Ms. Penny thought I was normal so she treated me the way she did.”
“Oh you’re taking it literal,” said Dad. “I meant she didn’t think you had a problem and you are like everyone else. You are normal, in that context I just meant without any problems so I used normal for that. Do you understand?”
“You mean normal as in I don’t have problems?” I said.
“Yes,” said Dad.
“So I’m not normal,” I said.
“You are.”
“But I have problems so I’m not normal,” I pointed out.
Dad sighed. “Okay you are normal because everyone is different, you have feelings, you have opinions, you have your likes and dislikes just like everyone else. But when it comes to talking about disabilities or mental illnesses or issues, people will use the word normal to mean people without that problem but it does not mean that person isn’t normal. It’s just easier to use the word when we are talking about disabilities or mental illnesses but we do not mean that person isn’t normal, we mean people without that problem. Do you get it now?”
“Yes,” I said.
“I will head out now and leave you two be,” said Brian. “Looks like you two have things to discuss.”
“Why is he here?” I asked.
“He is just visiting,” said Dad.
Brian left under the house. It was Dad and I alone.
"What happened?” I asked.
"We were just talking and we didn't know you were in here," said Dad.
"No I mean with this woman you saw and why is she mean to Mom?"
"She has never met her."
"But she said she was retarded and said bad things about her," I pointed out.
"Yes she did because she was mad I didn't want to be at her house anymore and I wanted less beers around her. But she showed her true colors anyway."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She showed who she really is. She is just a bitch and now she is trying to slander me at work telling everyone what a whore I am and a slut and how I cheated on my wife and gave her good sex and then dumped her. I was never even in a relationship with her and she claims we were. She is crazy. She was the only friend I had I thought and I shared my feelings with her, told her things about us and your mother and she decided to slam her and it made me mad. I don't even know why I am telling you this. It's an adult issue and not something you kids need to know about. Only Mum knows part of this and now she wants to sic her and get her sister involved. Why would I want her to know I cheated on her if she likes defending me and looking after me despite how I get sometimes with her? I can't imagine how she is going to feel if she finds out what I did unless I tell her she drugged me and then had it with me while I was knocked out but then it will just be a drama between her and her and I don't know what would happen then, especially if she got her sister involved."
"Did she really put something in your drink?" I asked.
"No," said Dad. "I am saying lying about it wouldn't do me any good and it will just make things worse. I know your mother, she isn't afraid of conflicts. You saw what she did at jail when she got you. Even when we were in high school, she wasn't afraid to argue with teachers and she always called kids out when they’d be doing things they weren't supposed to be doing and it ticked everyone off. I also remember the time when you were little, we were at a store together waiting in the queue and this jerk tried to cut in front of us but your mother who can’t stand injustice and rule breakers starts telling her she cut in the queue and the queue started back there and I was like “Anita please be quiet, let it go” and she wouldn’t so she kept telling the lady to go to the back and everyone up ahead of here were there first waiting and she can’t go cutting in the queue and then other people joined in telling her to get in the back and the lady got mad and everyone kept telling her to go to the back and then so did the cashier and she threatened to kick her out of the store if she doesn’t get to the end of the queue and finally she did. Then some lady behind me said she was glad someone spoke up and she was brave and I said ‘That’s why I married her.’ It didn’t take me long to realize that sounded like that was the only reason why I married her.”
“Why did you want her to be quiet?” I asked.
“Because I didn’t want her to start a fight and we didn’t know the woman, we didn’t know if she would assault her or not and then she fights back and they both get arrested but your mother isn’t afraid and whatever bothers her, she speaks up than keeping it bottled in and quiet about it like most people do. If she has a problem with someone, she tells it to their face first than going behind their backs bitching about them and she always tells people why are they telling her this if they haven’t said it to their faces yet when they are bitching to her about someone. People get mad about it but she can’t stand gossip and it always makes her uncomfortable. Tell me the truth, does she do road rage?”
"Yes," I said.
"Okay, I thought so. Does she still drive slowly in front of tailgaters?"
"Yes," I said.
"Okay."
"How do you know she still does it?"
"You just told me."
"But you said you thought so, what did you mean then?"
"I figured she probably did it whenever I wasn't with."
Whenever Mom is driving, if someone drives too close behind her, she drives slower. It's a game she plays and she told me her mother does it too and her brothers and sister. But she told me it's a very dangerous game because you have to have a good car and insurance that covers everything and know how to play the law. Mom had someone rear end her once and she only had a little dent on the back bumper and the person who rear ended her was given a ticket. Mom had us kids tell the officer she had to slam on her breaks because us kids were arguing and fighting and we threw the doll at the front of the car and it startled her so she slammed on her breaks. Kelly actually had her doll with she always took everywhere and Mom used that for her story. She told us she will let us play at Burgerville for an hour if we lie to the officer. Then I was chanting at Mom to have the person rear end us so I can play on the playground for an hour and finally Mom told us she is slamming on her breaks now so get ready and put on my seatbelt and she stopped and it was a sharp stop and the car behind us crashed into us and the front end was wrecked while Mom’s bumper had a dent and we all used the scripts Mom gave us. I was eight then when it happened and Matthew was just a baby so he wasn’t part of it since he couldn’t say what he saw happening. Burgerville is a local fast food chain here and they used to have play areas but they took them out. Burger King did the same too. Now only McDonalds has a play area. It's surprising she still does it despite the car accident we have been in but it wasn't from tailgating. Dad doesn't play it because he is worried about wrecking his car if they do ram into him but yet he wrecked it anyway from drinking and he also told me playing games with the other drivers is very dangerous and you never know what they may do. She has also told all of us kids to move up to the seat behind her because there is a car close behind us and she wants to drive slower. It doesn't happen very often because we don't get tailgated often. Mom even has a bumper sticker on the van that says "Tailgating won't make me drive fast." You can't even read it unless you are up close so it's meant for tailgaters to read. I want to play that game when I get my license.
“Which store did it happen at?” I asked.
“I don’t remember. It was at some clothing store. It may have been Fred Meyers or Target or Ross, I think it was at Newberry’s down in Portland, we were down there shopping for gifts because of sales free tax and is was just us alone and no kids. But it was so long ago.”
“Was it before or after the car accident?”
“I think before. I think it was after Matthew was born. I was glad other people took her side and joined in or your mother would have kept carrying on and getting all upset and have a breakdown we would have ended up leaving and leaving the items behind we hadn’t paid for.”
“How are you and Mom using the car accident as an excuse for me?” I asked jumping back to the other topic.
“We’re not,” he said. “I said your principal thinks that is what we do and she thinks we have Munchausen by Proxy,” said Dad.
“What is that?”
“Munchausen by proxy? It’s where a parent pretends their kid has problems so they exaggerate them to gain sympathy and attention and sometimes they make their own kid ill so they can take care of them and get attention from it. That isn’t what we’re doing.”
“Why would she think that?”
“I don’t know if that is what she really thinks, that is what I think she thinks and it’s just my guess because she didn’t care and she ignored your problems and kept acing like you could help it. When you have an invisible disability, people assume you are like everyone else and don’t have anything wrong so they expect you to be like everyone else.”
“That sounds stupid, why would they think that?” I asked.
“I don’t know, because they’re ignorant and I sometimes think having a visible disability is easier or mental retardation because at least it’s obvious and you’re not obvious so it was easy for kids to tease you in school and harass you because they can get away with it and they’re cowards. If yours was more obvious, I bet they wouldn’t be picking on you because they would have gotten shunned for it but yet it’s more acceptable to pick on people with invisible disabilities so they do it.”
“Can’t you just tell them you have an invisible disability?” I asked.
“You can but that doesn’t mean they will buy it because they’re stupid. Your principal was very weird and she just didn’t care.”
Dad paused and he was just looking around at stuff we had under here. He moved around and he almost tripped over the old stroller. He cursed under his breath using British words and picked up the stroller and moved it aside. He calls it a pushchair because it’s a chair you push and everyone else calls them strollers because you go strolling with it. “I can’t believe we still have this thing, Mum and I pushed all you kids in it when you were all little except Brian,” said Dad.
“What did you do with his old one?” I asked.
“Got rid of it.”
“Why?”
“No room in our apartment and Brian wasn’t a baby anymore. We got rid of lot of his baby stuff and they were loaned to us too so we handed them back. Natalie, you’re going to have to promise me to not ever tell Mom I cheated on her or tell her what I said about her or how I thought I found someone prettier and better than her. You may not ever tell anyone else, not our neighbors, not kids at your new school, not to Kelly or Matthew, no one. She must never know about this. Please Natalie,” said Dad.
“So just as long as you buy me a video game every month, I won’t tell anyone,” I said.
“Yes I will and what if I don’t?”
“Then I tell.”
“Oh boy, I got myself into this much trouble already and now you’re blackmailing me like your mother. Okay fine, you get your Nintendo 64 and that James Bond game and a video game every month and it will be our new bill. If Mom ever asks, I will just tell her I decided to spoil you for good behavior. Instead of money, you get a game when you earn enough points, how’s that?”
“Good, now we need to make a contract and you sign it and I keep a copy,” I said.
“Is this revenge for me drinking and crashing my car and putting us through this mess?” Dad asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Damn it,” he said.
“Let’s get working with that contract now,” I said.
Dad and I headed out and he turned off the light and locked the door.
“How is Mom blackmailing you?” I asked.
“I meant that is what she does and now you’re doing it.”
“Why does she do it?”
“Why do you do it?”
I tried to find an answer but Dad interrupted me again, “See? I don’t know why she does it, she was just taught by her sisters.”
We went back in the house and Dad turned on the computer and we started working out the contract. We discussed what to put on it and what the deal is. He typed down what he promised and I typed my part. He then printed off two copies and he signed it and I signed it and we signed the other paper and I kept a copy and he kept his. Everyone else was upstairs so no one ever asked us what we were doing. Brian was gone I assume.
“Natalie, you’re a very smart girl you know that. So clever,” said Dad. He smiled and folded the paper and stuck it in his pants pocket. His bottom looked puffy but his pants were too loose for me to tell.
“Still mad at me?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“But you don’t look it. Maybe this contract thing is your way of showing it. You’re a funny girl.”
Then Brian came in the kitchen. I thought he had left.
“Well Dad I am I going to get going now, I have to get up in the morning for school,” he said. “Hey what’s that?”
He grabbed the contract from Dad and looked at it. “Well I did warn you.’
“You gave her that idea,” said Dad.
Brian handed the contract back to him. “I wish I were young again so I could get a game every month, why didn’t I think of it before.”
“You have a filter.”
“Looks like you will be having an arcade in this home,” said Brian.
Him and Dad walked in the hallway talking as I looked at my own contract again.
I agree I will keep buying Natalie Evans a Nintendo 64 game every month for her to keep her promise. I agree I will get her the Nintendo 64 and James Bond game for trying to cover my drinking habits. If I break it, she will tell on me. (Dad)
I agree I will keep Dad’s secret of cheating on his wife and things he said about her and how he found someone who is prettier and better than her if I keep receiving a Nintendo 64 game every month and get the game system for trying to cover for him and getting that James Bond 007 game. I shall not tell anyone about this, not to Kelly, not to Matthew, not to my neighbors, not to any kids at school, no one. If I tell anyone before he breaks his promise, the deal is off and he doesn’t have to buy me a game every month. (Natalie)
Brian left and Dad waved bye and closed the door.
“Make sure you keep it hidden like put it in your safe,” he said. “Do it now before you forget or someone might see it.”
I folded the contract and took it upstairs and stuck it in my safe. Kelly didn’t ask me what the paper was about. I wonder where Dad was going to keep his.
Is this the end of my parents fighting? Will my dad stop drinking or go back to drinking twice a week, will he be going to jail or what charges would he be facing? We wouldn’t find out until this Wednesday but right now we had a contract we made and signed and I will be making sure I get my video games every month and keeping Dad in line and making sure I keep his secret just as long as I get my games every month. I also had more tricks in mind for Kelly. It’s now time to end this story and maybe next time I will tell you more about my life and what the verdict is and how my new school goes and if Kelly will ever be a good sister again or if we remain enemies and hating each other. But the only thing I cared about was I was finally going to get a Nintendo 64 and play GoldenEye007 and get a new game every month for that system all thanks to his drinking. Sometimes bad things do turn out to be good. I had also blackmailed my father all thanks to Brian. I think it’s a Laney thing because my mom and her sisters used to do blackmail and I got it from them.
The End