Post by Bad Beth on Oct 18, 2017 6:34:45 GMT
Chapter 25
Today was the day my normal life was going to end. I was getting my stuff ready to go skiing. I had my snowsuit and winter boots and socks and a couple pairs of extra pants for in case I leak or get poop all over, I had my winter gloves and hat and scarf, other knit gloves to wear inside my winter gloves. I also grabbed a bunch of diapers and Dad gave me a bag to put them all in.
“You’re going to have a lot of fun, be very mature with another boy,” said Dad. “No sex and no letting him touch you in the wrong areas.”
“We don’t even make out,” I said,
“I’m teasing you, it’s because he is a boy and you’re a girl. It’s so good to see you making friends again.”
I finished packing my winter gear and my diapers and I played some video games until Jason and Jen arrived.
They rang the doorbell and Jason and Jen came inside.
“I want to see your new dog,” said Jason.
“You can’t, he’s dead,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“He died yesterday while we were in school, the school bus hit him when he ran outside.”
“What?” he said again.
“I’ll show you,” I said.
“No that’s okay, I don’t want to see a dead animal.”
“He looks like he is sleeping,” I said. “He's on the back porch.”
I got my shoes on and went outside on the patio and looked in the box again and felt the body, it felt very stiff this time. I even knocked my hand on it and it was like I was knocking on a stuffed display animal.
I went back inside.
“Dad, since Mom and Matthew were upset about Pissy dying, why not pay to have his body stuffed so they can always have him,” I said.
“That will be way too expensive,” said Dad. “We are doing the funeral and everyone in this household has to attend.”
Jason was waiting by the front door with Jen.
“When will you be back?” Dad asked her.
“We’re going to be gone all day,” she said.
“Natalie, I should get you some food to take with,” said Dad.
He went in the kitchen and he made me a sandwich and gave me package of pop tarts and a granola bar and he also packed some fruit and carrots and he put them all in a plastic bag and I put it in the bag.
“I will also feed her too when we eat,” said Jen.
“This will just be a snack for her since she will be skiing and that uses a lot of energy,” said Dad. “Have fun you two.”
We left. I put my bag in the back and I saw another bag in there and skies.
“That’s our stuff,” said Jen. “It has our snowsuits and everything in it.”
I put my bag in there and Jen closed it and I got in the backseat and put my seatbelt on. Jason was sitting back here too. Jen got in and got her seatbelt on and we headed to the mountain.
“So your dog really died?” said Jason.
“Yes,” I said. “His body is so stiff now it feels stuffed.”
“It’s called rigor mortis, it’s the third stage of death your body goes through after it’s dead,” Jason explained.
“Why does it get stiff when dead?" I asked.
“The muscles get very hard because the joints stiffen because it’s unable to break those bridges, there is nothing alive to keep those cells moving and when you die, you lose those cells and the calcium so they stiffen. Then it goes away after a few days and enters the next stage of body decomposition, decay,” Jason explained. “Also when you are dead, you start to have liquid fall out of your body because there is nothing to keep the acid down and soon you hair and eyes fall out and your nails because there is nothing to hold them in.”
“Jason, that is enough,” said Jen.
“I’m just telling her how after death works.”
“You read a lot of inappropriate stuff and you go to that website too much.”
“What website?” I asked.
“Nothing, I am not going to tell you,” said Jen.
“It’s called Rotten,” said Jason.
“They make blocks you know for websites so kids can’t get on them,” I said
Jason nudged me hard with his fist.
“Ow, what did you do that for?” I cried.
“Don’t tell her how to keep me from reading that stuff,” he whispered.
“What’s the website you go to?” I asked again,
“It’s called Rotten.”
“What’s Rotten?” I asked.
“It’s a very inappropriate website,” said Jen. “It has photos of car crashes, dead bodies, bodies ripped apart, dead animals.”
“Why do you go there?” I asked Jason.
“Curious,” he said.
“I found that CD young man,” said Jen.
“What CD?” he asked.
“You know which CD I am talking about; all the songs were inappropriate and they used Christmas tunes for.”
Busted.
“And I also found that magazine in your room.”
“What magazine?” I asked.
“Mom,” said Jason.
“Oh just a magazine,” said Jen.
Jason didn’t say anything else and his face was very red.
“What was the magazine about?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing you need to know,” said Jen.
Then there was silence.
“So your dog died, I am very sorry to hear that,” said Jen.
“No that was actually great because he wouldn’t go outside to pee and refused to potty train,” I said. “It was very stressful and it always stressed me out.”
“He was a dumb dog they had,” said Jason.
“My dad hated him too but yet he acted sad to Mom when he died,” I said. “Why?”
“Was she upset when he died?’ Jen asked
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s why.”
“But he hated that dog, why be upset too if you also hated them,” I said.
“It’s a way of showing support and empathy,” Jen explained. “It’s social stuff people know about, one of those hidden rules.”
“My mom is an expert at normie stuff,” Jason told me.
“I studied humans,” she said. “Then pretty soon you learn it too and start to fake it. You love acting so pretend you are in a play when you follow their social rules.”
“Mom is a very good actress, she even played in some movies,” said Jason.
“Everyone is an actor,” said Jen. “That is another one of those hidden rules we have.”
“I don’t act,” I said.
“Have you ever been in a bad mood and had to pretend you were in a good mood to look professional?’ Jen asked. “That is acting. Everyone has to do it. If you come to work with a bad attitude, they could can you.”
“She means fired,” said Jason.
We did a two-hour drive to Mt. Hood. It’s a 11,000 foot mountain in the state of Oregon that is visible from Portland and Vancouver. We can sometimes see it too depending on where we are and how clear the skies are. I found all the acting stuff interesting everyone does to day to day life basis and how amazing normies know all these rules. I even asked how they knew them all and Jen told me it’s just something they learn through life and some people take longer to learn it and some need training in it from therapists because they can’t do it on their own and some never learn. Go to the library sometime and read books on human language and etiquette and even normies don’t always have it right and also study drama and the more I practice it, the easier it gets.
When we arrived at the mountain, Jen parked her car and we all got out and went to the back and got everything out. Jen and Jason pulled out their bag and boots and skies and poles and I had mine too so Jason didn’t even question why I had it. We all went to the lodge to rent some skies and boots and poles for me and Jason. We waited in line and then we were next and I told them my shoe size and they got me the boots and I tried them on and then they got it fitted for the skies and they asked me if I wanted poles and I said yes. Jen paid for the day rental and then we rented a locker to put our bags in and she also bought our day passes. I got myself dressed in my snowsuit and winter jacket and put my hat and winter gloves back on. I also put on more layers of socks to keep warm and I put my ski boots on and put my shoes in the locker. Jen and Jason also got changed into their snow outfits and ski boots and we carried our skies and poles outside and put them on.
“Natalie, are you an advanced skier or intermediate what lever are you?” Jen asked.
“I do beginner,” I said.
“Okay we’ll stick with beginner hills then.”
We started to ski and we skied down the easier hills.
We made it to the bottom and waited in line for the chair lift. When our turn came, we got on and rode it to the top. We got off and skied down again.
I was having so much fun, I forgot about Jason finding out about my nappies so my worries were gone. I was also happy Pissy was gone too so I felt back to normal.
We kept going back to the top and skiing down again. I went down the zig zag way than plowing straight down.
I saw a skier zooming by me going down the hill very fast and she was going zig zag too but in a professional way with her poles and I envied her. I was too scared to do it that fast and doing short zig zags keeping my skies straight.
We skied all day and we even took a lunch break and had hot chocolate in the Timberline Lodge. Then I had to go to the other lodge to get to our locker so I could change. I waited until we were done to tell Jen I needed to head back to the other lodge to get my bag so I can change. I waited when Jason wasn’t near to tell her. She told me okay and they would catch up with me. She gave me the key and I took myself back to the lodge. I used the bathroom there to change my diaper and I took my odor pills and I put my bag back in the locker again and found Jen and Jason waiting for me. I handed her the key and she stuck it in her winter jacket pocket and put her winter gloves back on. We went back to skiing. We did beginner hills and then I decided to try intermediate because Jason wanted to do it and I noticed the hills were a little steeper so it made my legs sore while going downhill and I was all sweaty. After that we stuck with beginner hills and I told Jason he could just go ahead and go down the harder hills himself. He left us and it was just Jen and I skiing alone. I talked a lot to her and she just listened and responded. There were some ski slopes and I went over one of them but wouldn’t do it very fast fearing I wouldn’t be able to land on my skies again like some other skiers.
We skied for the rest of the afternoon until it got dark and I was tired and so was Jason. My hips were sore and I was also cold. We went back to the lodge and turned our skies in and the boots and poles. I put my regular shoes back on and took my snow gear off and only kept my winter jacket on. I didn’t let Jason see the diapers inside my bag. I took it to the bathroom with me and changed my diaper again in the stall and this time it was messy. I didn’t bother with it earlier because I didn’t want to stop skiing just to do this. When I got done, I met with Jen and Jason and we went outside and went to her car.
Jen opened the back to put her skies and boots and poles in and their bag. I put mine in there too. Jen closed it and we got in.
It was getting dark on the way home and Jen brought me home. She parked in my driveway and I got out of the car and she got out too and opened the back for me. I got my bag out and Jen and Jason followed me to the front door. It was locked so I rang the doorbell and Skippy was barking. Matthew answered it.
I took my shoes off before going inside.
Skippy wagged his jail and sniffed at Jen and Jason.
"Skippy," Dad called.
He stopped and walked away and stood in the entry way. He walked around in circles and kept wagging his tail.
Jen and Mom ended up talking while Jason and I played with my Nintendo 64 in the den. I was so happy Pissy was gone. I felt back to normal and everything felt great again, no more stress.
We played captured the flag on The World is Not Enough. What sucked about this game is we are not allowed to have good characters go against each other and they only allowed villains to go against each other so all the good characters would have to be on the same team and if there are no teams, good characters cannot fight against each other so there can only be one good character vs three villains.
After time ran out, we played the levels and took turns.
“Don’t you have a memory card?” Jason asked.
“No,” I said.
"Aw man, you should get one so you wouldn't have to play all these levels again each time."
We played the levels and we couldn’t get past that night level where James was supposed to stay with Elektra but instead he leaves her at the mansion while he does his missions and then he finds out Elektra is bad and M gets upset with him for leaving her alone. No matter what we did on that level, we kept failing the level. How are we supposed to do the level without getting caught by Gabor?
Dad came in the den and asked us if we both wanted to eat and they had dinner for us. I paused the game and we jumped out of ours chairs and went in the kitchen. Mac and cheese had been made.
“I don’t want any,” said Jason.
I got my plate and served myself some. I put a lot on my plate because it's my favorite.
“How come you didn’t want any?” I asked Jason.
“I like what my mom makes,” he said.
“What's wrong with this?” I asked.
“My mom doesn’t make it like that, it's not the same noodles she uses and not the same cheese.”
Jason was being so weird.
“Natalie, did you eat your food you brought with?” Dad asked.
“No,” I said.
“Where's your bag?”
“On the stairs.”
Dad left the kitchen and I brought my food back in the den and took it all out of the bag.
We continued playing.
We turned the game off and played the mini games on Kirby. I ate my mac and cheese off and on whenever I got the chance like when I was waiting for the computer characters to get done with the game.
“You eat fast,” said Jason.
I have always been a fast eater.
We also played GoldenEye and then Jen wanted to leave so she called Jason. He left with her and I quit the level he was playing to do another level.
Dad called my name. “Natalie?”
“What?” I shouted.
“Go say bye to them, they’re heading out the door.”
I got up went out in the family room and shouted “bye,” down the hall.
Dad just laughed, “Natalie, Jason wants to say bye to you.”
“I did,” I said.
“No, he wants you to come here,” said Dad.
I walked through the hall and Jason gave me a hug and then he gave me a kiss and I got embarrassed because he did it in front of everyone. Matthew was laughing. I pulled away and rubbed my lips and Jason said, “I thought you wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and that is what they do,” he said.
“Don’t worry Nat, you’re old enough to have one now, you’re almost sixteen,” said Dad.
“When’s her birthday?” Jen asked.
“February twenty second,” I said.
“February twenty second?” Jason shouted. “That was when Drew Barrymore was born.”
“Indoor voice,” Jen ordered. Then she said. “Jason won’t be sixteen until May.”
“May what?” I asked.
“The twenty fourth,” she said.
Matthew then started to make fun of me. He was laughing and then he started saying “Natalie is in love, Natalie and Jason sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, then there is marriage.”
I chased after him. “You can’t even sing the song right,” I said.
Matthew ran from me and I chased after him.
“You’re in love,” he said. “Are you going to marry him?”
I kept chasing after him and then I grabbed his shirt and I heard a rip.
He stopped running and looked at his shirt.
“You ripped my shirt,” he cried. “Dad, Natalie ripped my shirt.”
He started crying.
“It was an accident,” I shouted.
Dad started talking to him.
Jen was talking to Mom still and then she and Jason headed out the door.
“See you,” he said to me.
I wanted to tell him to not kiss me in front of anyone ever again. That was so embarrassing.
“You didn’t like your first kiss huh?" Mom asked.
“Wow, you’re speaking to me again finally,” was all I said.
“Natalie,” said Mom.
I just walked away and went back to the den.
While I was playing the bunker level, I heard Mom and Dad arguing again.
“She isn’t going to take bullshit from you,” said Dad. “You keep doing your silent treatments but that isn’t going to work on everyone.”
“Yeah and why were you upset with her?” Dad said again. “But that really did happen and you're upset she told you?”
I showered that night and played more video games and I watched TV on the family room couch all covered up. I fell asleep while watching a Disney Vault movie.
I woke up and the TV was off and the underpaid had been placed under me. I closed my eyes trying to sleep again. I eventually went back to sleep and the next thing I woke up to was Dad being up in the kitchen making some coffee. He saw me up and said, “The funeral will be today, try and wear black or any dark color.”
“Why?” I asked in a sleepy voice.
“You always wear dark colors at a funeral, it's the rule.”
“Why?”
“It just is, that is the way things are,” said Dad.
I tried going back to sleep and I eventually moved to my room to try and sleep more.
I got out of bed at 9:27 and I changed my diaper and put my pajamas back on. I played on my Super Nintendo and I was so happy I can leave my door open finally without anything getting wrecked or my room being peed in.
I got done playing and I went downstairs to have breakfast. I had cereal and I went back to playing.
Dad told me later the funeral is at one so I better get dressed.
“Remember, dark colors,” he reminded me.
I looked in my closet at my clothes and decided on something. I put on a pair of pants I thought were dark and I put on a shirt and a dark sweater. I went back to playing video games.
“Ho ho ho,” I heard Brian saying downstairs.
I paused the game and went downstairs. He had a huge present in his hand at the front door.
“Is that the package you got on ebay?” I asked.
“Shhh,” he hissed.
“What?” Matthew asked from top of the stairs.
“Nothing,” said Brian. “Don’t worry about it.”
“What’s that present for?” Matthew asked.
“It’s for all of you kids,” Brian replied. He set it down on the stairs. “You can open it after the funeral.”
“You knew about it too?” I asked.
“Yeah, your brother called and told me so I decided to come to your puppy’s funeral even though I never got to see that little sucker. See how dark I am dressed? I didn’t have any black so this was the best I could do.”
“How do I look?” I asked Dad.
“Ask your mother, she’s the one who planned it.”
“If she will talk to me again,” I said.
“I will send her.”
Dad walked away.
I looked at the present and felt how heavy it is and I even tried to peek inside it.
“Natalie, that is for after the funeral,” said Brian.
“I’m just looking,” I said.
Matthew picked it up and shook it. “What did you get?”
“You will find out after the funeral,” Brian said again.
Mom came downstairs in her dark clothes.
“That isn’t dark enough,” Mom told me. “I will get something darker.”
Mom went in my room and she came back out with one of my blue sweater tops. “This is dark and will look good for the funeral.”
I took my sweater off and put the blue one on. Mom took my other sweater from me.
I went back to playing video games and then my name was called to come outside.
I paused the game and got my shoes on and went outside.
I saw the hole had been dug in the flower bed. The small storage container sat right by it with Pissy’s body. The shovel was right by the hole too laying on the ground.
Kelly and Matthew were also waiting and Brian came out too. Then Mom and Dad came out.
Mom started crying again. She picked up the plastic storage bin and stuck it in the hole.
“Pissy was born sometime in the year 2000 and he was only five months when we got him,” she said. “He was a miniature schnauzer and he liked to run around our home and liked to whimper so that was why we named him that. He was won at the Christmas carnival in town.”
Mom was then done and then Matthew said “He was the best dog ever and the best present ever we got, I loved him and I will miss him and playing with him.”
Then Kelly went next. “It was very exciting when we got this dog and won him even though he wasn’t my real gift because he was a family dog, I liked holding him and playing with him and he was so cute and it was fun having a new puppy as it lasted.”
Then Brian went next. "I had heard you guys had gotten a new puppy and I didn’t know this dog but it was very sad his life had to end so soon. Children will wander out in the street and that is what he did because he was only a small child.”
Then Dad was next. “He was a cute puppy who liked to whimper and wee in the house and that is all I have to say.”
Then everyone was silent and Dad looked at me and made some gesture. I guess he wanted me to speak. I remembered what he had told me about how to say good things about him.
“It was very shocking we got this dog and no one wanted him but Mom won him and his whimpering was funny so we called him that and he was supposed to be our early Christmas present. I don’t know what else to say that would be good.”
“You did alright,” said Dad. “Okay, time for the burial.”
Mom picked the shovel up and started to throw dirt over the plastic bin. I watched it get buried and soon all the dirt and bark dust was back over it. She started to cry again.
“The funeral has now ended,” she said through her tears.
“Yay, present time,” said Matthew.
I went up the steps and took my shoes off and went inside. I waited for Kelly and Matthew and they came inside and went to the stairs where I was waiting with our present.
“Can we open it now?” I asked.
Matthew started to tear open the present and I started to tear it too. Kelly also did the same and it was just a box. I started to peel at the tape.
“You kids need a knife,” said Brian.
I kept trying to get the tape off when Dad came in with a knife and cut the tape for us. I opened the top and there were a bunch of peanuts with a bunch of Nintendo 64 games.
“Nintendo 64 games,” I said,
“Video games,” Matthew shouted.
I started taking them out and Matthew took them out too and Kelly. Some of the peanuts were coming out. We looked at what games they were.
“What do you children say?” Dad asked.
“Thank you,” we said.
“Thank you,” Matthew shouted.
I saw some sport games and I saw Zelda and Mario Party. I was so excited about these games. I found Star Fox 64 and some racing games, Star Wars, Bomberman 64, Superman, Gauntlet, Blast Corps, great, a duplicate, San Fransisco Rush, Doom, Banjo Kazooie, Cruisin' USA, '98 Winter Olympics, 1080 Snowboarding.
I counted all the game cartridges that came, twenty-five games in all.
"That is a lot of games," Dad said.
"I wouldn't have time to play them all," said Brian. "School takes up all my time and work that helps pay for it and my rent and utilities."
I couldn't imagine all that stress of work and school and never having any time for free time to relax.
"How do you do all that without getting all stressed out?" I asked.
"I just do it, I want to get this all done so I take all these classes and even in the summer just to get it done so I can graduate."
"But don't you get stressed out?"
"Sometimes if I have a lot of work to do but I will be done by next year."
I felt happy for him. He had been in college for five years already.
Matthew started to bring the games to the den and some fell out of his arms. I picked them up and carried them to the den too and we put them on the floor.
Good thing Pissy was dead or he might have wrecked these too if someone left the door open and these were on the floor.
Matthew wanted to play one of the "new" games so he put one of them in and turned on the gaming system and the TV. I saw what he had put in and he selected a level and player and snowboard and started playing.
Brian visited with Dad for a while and Mom mourned over Pissy's death. She just cried about it while Matthew seemed fine. Dad even had to put a sign on our front door saying:
Anita's Art Studio will be closed due to a death in our family, a family pet. Glen
Instead, letters had been left by the door under the mat or in the door knob about their console of our lost pet and a few of them had stories about the time they had lost their pet.
I am so sorry for your loss, I totally understand why you would shut your business down for now. I had a cat named Skittles and one day he disappeared and was never found. That was ten years ago and I miss him to this day and only have one picture of him. I know how you are feeling and how much it hurts to lose a pet you love, not only are they our pets, they are our children and lot of people just see them as pets and don't understand how we feel but I do. My sincere and consolation, Debra Depay.
Another letter read:
Dear Anita, I am so sorry for your loss, I once had to put my dog to sleep who was a mixed Lab and German Shepherd and he got real sick and had to be put down. I cried for three days straight and couldn't leave my room and no one understood and my boss threatened to fire me because it was just a dog and dogs die. People have no empathy because they see them as just dogs and don't understand they are our children and love them as our own. That was the hardest moment of my life and I have not had another dog since because I can't go through it again. Sincerely James Strong.
Dad looked through the other ones and read them all and told me to give these to our mother and he kept a few in his hand. "What about those?" I pointed.
"These stay with me," he said.
"Why?"
"Not something for your mother to be reading but bring those to her."
I took them all upstairs and opened the master bedroom door slowly and Mom was laying in bed. I walked in slowly and felt very nervous. I put the letters on the stand right by her bed and started to walk away.
"Natalie," said Mom.
I stopped.
Mom sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She held her arms out. I walked over to her.
Mom started hugging me. "I'm very sorry," she said.
"For?" I asked.
"Everything, my failure to protect you from danger and I'm lucky for you to still be alive and Whimper wasn't so lucky so he died because of my lack of attention to him because I cared more about my hobby than taking care of him and caring about how it was affecting your mental health and how it was making your father feel. He is dead because of me. If I had been watching him as you kept telling me over and over, he would still be alive. I got so carried away with the raffle I couldn't stop myself and I won and I was so excited I won, I didn't even think about our life at home. How would we take care of this dog, who is going to train him, am I willing to do all the work, I should have given him to someone, you were right. I couldn't just keep him in his cage all the time so he needed to be somewhere else who could watch him more and your Dad doesn't like urine stains and you didn't like him doing it by your room or in there or him wrecking your stuff. I have been so selfish and now he is dead because of it."
I felt so happy what I was hearing. Mom was admitting I was right and it had been her fault for bad things that have happened to me that could have killed me.
"I am responsible for his death and I don't know how I can ever forgive myself," said Mom and she started crying again.
Then Dad came in the bedroom and told me I could leave now.
Dad sat right next to mom.
"I've killed him," she said.
"Look, it wasn't your fault," said Dad.
"Yes it was, if I had been watching him, this wouldn't have happened."
"It doesn't matter. Even if you were watching him, you could have been doing something else like being in the kitchen cooking, being in the bathroom and he can be sitting by the door, you can't always keep on eye on him at all times and he liked running out in the street. Even if he were house trained, it still could have happened. Skippy runs off too still but accidents still happen."
"I could have trained him not to do that," said Mom.
"Well it's over and in the past, it happened and at least you had your three weeks with him. You can't do anything about it, it's already happened," said Dad.
How could Dad say it wasn't her fault when it was? If she would have kept him in his cage when she couldn't watch him, none of that would have happened.
I went in the kitchen to look at those letters Dad didn't want me giving to Mom. They were nowhere to be seen so I looked in the trash and then in the garage in the recycle bin and there they were. I read them and they said things like "It's just an animal, you can always get a new one." "I am sorry you had to close your business over a losing a pet but they can be replaced." All of them were about getting a new pet and how dogs always die and are not humans and how we must never get attached and while children can't be replaced, pets can. I put them back in the bin and went inside. I wonder if any of them were written by neighborhood kids.
It's been a week since Pissy's death and I was so happy about it still. Mom was still upset about it but was trying to still sell her artwork and cook and take care of us. Matthew had went out in the backyard and made Pissy a grave using rocks and sticks he found and brought them home. I went out there and spat on it when I happened to be outside with Skippy but I respected my brother enough to not destroy it. Mom had not been out there once at the gravesite to visit.
It was the last day of school for the weekend and I went home with Jason and his mom to their apartment. We sat in the back together because that is what couples do, they sit together and hold hands. I still felt too anxious to be kissing him in front of anyone and hugging him.
When we got to his apartment, we started to play video games together and I had brought a bunch of our new Nintendo 64 games with. My backpack was heavy because of it. I imagined if I dumped it all on someone's head, they would be dead because of all that weight. I thought of that as another Abusing Adventures of Pissy.
Pissy was walking one day on the sidewalk when a guy on top of the building decided to drop a pillowcase of Nintendo 64 cartridges. He dropped the bag and the bag went down and landed on top of Pissy and he was then dead.
Jason and I played San Fransisco Rush. I was so happy to have my life back and having a boyfriend. But The Abusing Adventures of Pissy would never end.
End
Author note:
This story was based on true events. In November 2001 my dad got a new Miniature Schnauzer on sale for $264 at the mall pet store because they had too many of them and they were at five months old so they had to get rid of them. My dad who has ADHD bought it on buyer impulse and wasn’t thinking about our current life and the fact I was already having a lot of anxiety and liked having a clean house. Instead of whimpering, he was always squeaking so we named him Squeaky. I loved that dog until I saw him lift his leg up at my dollhouse and pee and it was intentional. I also noticed he would be outside and then come in and pee right away so it would be obvious he was holding it. No one wanted to watch that dog and I also kept him outside or in his cage but everyone would keep letting him back out. My mom thought it was so cruel to keep him in his cage all the time. Squeaky was peeing in the basement and the playroom and I also got nightmares about that dog like Natalie did and dreaming about my mother letting little kids be mean to me and she has that weird look on her face when I am grabbing her pleading her to do something about kids being mean to me. I also had The Abusing Adventures of Squeaky except I never wrote them down, I only fantasized about it like Natalie did but she also wrote them down too. I also squeezed him and carried him to try and get the evil out of him like she did. I also tossed him outside literally and also would kicked the cage with him in it and pound my fists on it. I also thought about killing him but what stopped me was fear of going to a mental hospital and my parents abandoning me. I did want to kill that dog too. I also thought he was evil because of how it looked and no one believed me. I was skiing when my mom told me he had been hit by a car which was why Natalie was going skiing but I decided it was better she came home from school and got the news then. I was also happy about his death and February 1st was also a special day for me because of the day he died and he was hit by my Mom’s ’97 red Saab than by a school bus and my mother was driving. Squeaky loved to chase after cars on our driveway and my dad always said he would not last through winter. I also thought it was one of his bullshit things he said because he liked to bullshit. My brothers were upset about the death but my dad was like “it’s just a dog” and my mom also felt relieved and had that same expression look on her face Kelly had when she told me the news and her voice was real quiet about it. My youngest brother and his friend made a grave for Squeaky after burying him and there was no funeral, all they did was bury him in front of our house and made his grave with rocks and I also spat at it once but had enough respect for my brothers to leave the gravesite alone. But after his death, I was also back to normal and all that anxiety was gone. For Natalie her suffering only lasted her nearly a month while for me I had to go through it for three months from November to the first day of February. Also the other difference is no one got mad at Natalie for her anxiety while mine did and that made things worse for me and I acted out more as a result of more anxiety from them. Natalie lives in a family where no one is normal but Kelly and Brian other than her having dyslexia but both my parents were pretty much normal even though my dad has ADHD. I also threatened suicide often while she only threatened it once. My brothers are also very normal too so they wouldn’t understand and they were just children anyway but my parents did nothing about it when they didn’t understand. Like Glen, my mom also didn’t want that dog and never wanted a new dog. Like Kelly, my mom didn’t like that dog because of how much chaos he caused in the home and Kelly was starting to not like Whimper anymore because of the chaos he was causing and she couldn’t focus on her school work anymore. For my mom it was because it was starting to affect her work because of tremendous anxiety and my behavior so she had to take a leave of absence for a while. Also Squeaky has never wrecked any of my things, he only did peeing and he never grinned except for when I would squeeze him. I also remember that day coming home from school and Squeaky being out of his cage while my parents were still gone. I chase him to put him back in his cage and he lifts his leg up to pee and puts it down to run from me and I catch him and toss him outside like Natalie was doing when she caught him trying to pee in the kitchen. Also not one would tell me then about a reasonable explanation for how he isn’t doing any of this on purpose and why he would keep peeing in the house than going outside while for Natalie, someone was able to give her one to explain his behavior so it wouldn’t look so malicious. She had Jason while I had no one and even my therapist wouldn’t tell me. Years later one of my online friends was laughing about my thoughts about Squeaky and told me how sorry she was for what I had to go through and gave me an explanation for his behavior like maybe he was just confused and he was just maybe a dumb animal. Thanks to the internet, I could google anything online and get answers and I couldn’t do that then because the internet was different back then and I didn’t know how to find certain things online if I wanted certain information and was looking for a certain answer. Now today that is easy, just type in a question and you get your results. Plus I didn’t learn how to do this until my mid-twenties and my life has been easier since and the internet has become a necessity than a luxury. This story takes place when AOL was still in common use and when everyone was still using dial up and before there was any social media and before there was any texting and phone cams but teens were just starting to have cell phones on their hands. Online play was very new back then too and a new technology and Dreamcast and the Playstation 2 all had a phone jack. There was still no wi fi back then so places did not have internet and no one could just go on their phones to look things up or go to google maps or get a phone number for a place. You still needed to use phonebooks for all that and paper maps and call for directions. In internet forums were lot like message boards and posts were bounce off them and disappear for good from new posts and there were internet groups than forums and everyone did personal webpages than blogs. There was still online shopping and some businesses back then had a webpage. Disney.com was one of the first webpages I went to in December 1996 and it would take three or five minutes for the page to load. Things were not that much different when we had Squeaky because it was only a year in difference but they had stopped making Nintendo 64 games then and Gamecube had just come out and they also stopped making the Dreamcast and that was also the first year when the very first XBOX launched.
The reason why I wrote this story was because I have always wanted to write one based on this true event and I thought of a horror story where a family gets a new puppy and it’s a Miniature Schnauzer but he is actually evil and it would have been one of those thriller stories. Then I decided to just use Natalie for it and not make it a horror or a thriller, just base it on this and keep it very similar and put my true feelings in it. No one in my family has ever apologized for their selfishness about the dog like Anita has to Natalie and was it our fault Squeaky died? Yes because we didn’t stop him from chasing cars and we let him do it and my mom could have put him in his cage before heading to McDonalds with my other brother and my uncle that Friday night. Actually any of them could have done it so it would have been all their fault. But it was good news for me. In this story Anita blames herself because she could have kept him in his cage and lock him up every time he runs outside and she could have just rehomed him if she couldn’t properly take care of him and the havoc he was causing due to his lack of housetraining.
Today was the day my normal life was going to end. I was getting my stuff ready to go skiing. I had my snowsuit and winter boots and socks and a couple pairs of extra pants for in case I leak or get poop all over, I had my winter gloves and hat and scarf, other knit gloves to wear inside my winter gloves. I also grabbed a bunch of diapers and Dad gave me a bag to put them all in.
“You’re going to have a lot of fun, be very mature with another boy,” said Dad. “No sex and no letting him touch you in the wrong areas.”
“We don’t even make out,” I said,
“I’m teasing you, it’s because he is a boy and you’re a girl. It’s so good to see you making friends again.”
I finished packing my winter gear and my diapers and I played some video games until Jason and Jen arrived.
They rang the doorbell and Jason and Jen came inside.
“I want to see your new dog,” said Jason.
“You can’t, he’s dead,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“He died yesterday while we were in school, the school bus hit him when he ran outside.”
“What?” he said again.
“I’ll show you,” I said.
“No that’s okay, I don’t want to see a dead animal.”
“He looks like he is sleeping,” I said. “He's on the back porch.”
I got my shoes on and went outside on the patio and looked in the box again and felt the body, it felt very stiff this time. I even knocked my hand on it and it was like I was knocking on a stuffed display animal.
I went back inside.
“Dad, since Mom and Matthew were upset about Pissy dying, why not pay to have his body stuffed so they can always have him,” I said.
“That will be way too expensive,” said Dad. “We are doing the funeral and everyone in this household has to attend.”
Jason was waiting by the front door with Jen.
“When will you be back?” Dad asked her.
“We’re going to be gone all day,” she said.
“Natalie, I should get you some food to take with,” said Dad.
He went in the kitchen and he made me a sandwich and gave me package of pop tarts and a granola bar and he also packed some fruit and carrots and he put them all in a plastic bag and I put it in the bag.
“I will also feed her too when we eat,” said Jen.
“This will just be a snack for her since she will be skiing and that uses a lot of energy,” said Dad. “Have fun you two.”
We left. I put my bag in the back and I saw another bag in there and skies.
“That’s our stuff,” said Jen. “It has our snowsuits and everything in it.”
I put my bag in there and Jen closed it and I got in the backseat and put my seatbelt on. Jason was sitting back here too. Jen got in and got her seatbelt on and we headed to the mountain.
“So your dog really died?” said Jason.
“Yes,” I said. “His body is so stiff now it feels stuffed.”
“It’s called rigor mortis, it’s the third stage of death your body goes through after it’s dead,” Jason explained.
“Why does it get stiff when dead?" I asked.
“The muscles get very hard because the joints stiffen because it’s unable to break those bridges, there is nothing alive to keep those cells moving and when you die, you lose those cells and the calcium so they stiffen. Then it goes away after a few days and enters the next stage of body decomposition, decay,” Jason explained. “Also when you are dead, you start to have liquid fall out of your body because there is nothing to keep the acid down and soon you hair and eyes fall out and your nails because there is nothing to hold them in.”
“Jason, that is enough,” said Jen.
“I’m just telling her how after death works.”
“You read a lot of inappropriate stuff and you go to that website too much.”
“What website?” I asked.
“Nothing, I am not going to tell you,” said Jen.
“It’s called Rotten,” said Jason.
“They make blocks you know for websites so kids can’t get on them,” I said
Jason nudged me hard with his fist.
“Ow, what did you do that for?” I cried.
“Don’t tell her how to keep me from reading that stuff,” he whispered.
“What’s the website you go to?” I asked again,
“It’s called Rotten.”
“What’s Rotten?” I asked.
“It’s a very inappropriate website,” said Jen. “It has photos of car crashes, dead bodies, bodies ripped apart, dead animals.”
“Why do you go there?” I asked Jason.
“Curious,” he said.
“I found that CD young man,” said Jen.
“What CD?” he asked.
“You know which CD I am talking about; all the songs were inappropriate and they used Christmas tunes for.”
Busted.
“And I also found that magazine in your room.”
“What magazine?” I asked.
“Mom,” said Jason.
“Oh just a magazine,” said Jen.
Jason didn’t say anything else and his face was very red.
“What was the magazine about?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing you need to know,” said Jen.
Then there was silence.
“So your dog died, I am very sorry to hear that,” said Jen.
“No that was actually great because he wouldn’t go outside to pee and refused to potty train,” I said. “It was very stressful and it always stressed me out.”
“He was a dumb dog they had,” said Jason.
“My dad hated him too but yet he acted sad to Mom when he died,” I said. “Why?”
“Was she upset when he died?’ Jen asked
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s why.”
“But he hated that dog, why be upset too if you also hated them,” I said.
“It’s a way of showing support and empathy,” Jen explained. “It’s social stuff people know about, one of those hidden rules.”
“My mom is an expert at normie stuff,” Jason told me.
“I studied humans,” she said. “Then pretty soon you learn it too and start to fake it. You love acting so pretend you are in a play when you follow their social rules.”
“Mom is a very good actress, she even played in some movies,” said Jason.
“Everyone is an actor,” said Jen. “That is another one of those hidden rules we have.”
“I don’t act,” I said.
“Have you ever been in a bad mood and had to pretend you were in a good mood to look professional?’ Jen asked. “That is acting. Everyone has to do it. If you come to work with a bad attitude, they could can you.”
“She means fired,” said Jason.
We did a two-hour drive to Mt. Hood. It’s a 11,000 foot mountain in the state of Oregon that is visible from Portland and Vancouver. We can sometimes see it too depending on where we are and how clear the skies are. I found all the acting stuff interesting everyone does to day to day life basis and how amazing normies know all these rules. I even asked how they knew them all and Jen told me it’s just something they learn through life and some people take longer to learn it and some need training in it from therapists because they can’t do it on their own and some never learn. Go to the library sometime and read books on human language and etiquette and even normies don’t always have it right and also study drama and the more I practice it, the easier it gets.
When we arrived at the mountain, Jen parked her car and we all got out and went to the back and got everything out. Jen and Jason pulled out their bag and boots and skies and poles and I had mine too so Jason didn’t even question why I had it. We all went to the lodge to rent some skies and boots and poles for me and Jason. We waited in line and then we were next and I told them my shoe size and they got me the boots and I tried them on and then they got it fitted for the skies and they asked me if I wanted poles and I said yes. Jen paid for the day rental and then we rented a locker to put our bags in and she also bought our day passes. I got myself dressed in my snowsuit and winter jacket and put my hat and winter gloves back on. I also put on more layers of socks to keep warm and I put my ski boots on and put my shoes in the locker. Jen and Jason also got changed into their snow outfits and ski boots and we carried our skies and poles outside and put them on.
“Natalie, are you an advanced skier or intermediate what lever are you?” Jen asked.
“I do beginner,” I said.
“Okay we’ll stick with beginner hills then.”
We started to ski and we skied down the easier hills.
We made it to the bottom and waited in line for the chair lift. When our turn came, we got on and rode it to the top. We got off and skied down again.
I was having so much fun, I forgot about Jason finding out about my nappies so my worries were gone. I was also happy Pissy was gone too so I felt back to normal.
We kept going back to the top and skiing down again. I went down the zig zag way than plowing straight down.
I saw a skier zooming by me going down the hill very fast and she was going zig zag too but in a professional way with her poles and I envied her. I was too scared to do it that fast and doing short zig zags keeping my skies straight.
We skied all day and we even took a lunch break and had hot chocolate in the Timberline Lodge. Then I had to go to the other lodge to get to our locker so I could change. I waited until we were done to tell Jen I needed to head back to the other lodge to get my bag so I can change. I waited when Jason wasn’t near to tell her. She told me okay and they would catch up with me. She gave me the key and I took myself back to the lodge. I used the bathroom there to change my diaper and I took my odor pills and I put my bag back in the locker again and found Jen and Jason waiting for me. I handed her the key and she stuck it in her winter jacket pocket and put her winter gloves back on. We went back to skiing. We did beginner hills and then I decided to try intermediate because Jason wanted to do it and I noticed the hills were a little steeper so it made my legs sore while going downhill and I was all sweaty. After that we stuck with beginner hills and I told Jason he could just go ahead and go down the harder hills himself. He left us and it was just Jen and I skiing alone. I talked a lot to her and she just listened and responded. There were some ski slopes and I went over one of them but wouldn’t do it very fast fearing I wouldn’t be able to land on my skies again like some other skiers.
We skied for the rest of the afternoon until it got dark and I was tired and so was Jason. My hips were sore and I was also cold. We went back to the lodge and turned our skies in and the boots and poles. I put my regular shoes back on and took my snow gear off and only kept my winter jacket on. I didn’t let Jason see the diapers inside my bag. I took it to the bathroom with me and changed my diaper again in the stall and this time it was messy. I didn’t bother with it earlier because I didn’t want to stop skiing just to do this. When I got done, I met with Jen and Jason and we went outside and went to her car.
Jen opened the back to put her skies and boots and poles in and their bag. I put mine in there too. Jen closed it and we got in.
It was getting dark on the way home and Jen brought me home. She parked in my driveway and I got out of the car and she got out too and opened the back for me. I got my bag out and Jen and Jason followed me to the front door. It was locked so I rang the doorbell and Skippy was barking. Matthew answered it.
I took my shoes off before going inside.
Skippy wagged his jail and sniffed at Jen and Jason.
"Skippy," Dad called.
He stopped and walked away and stood in the entry way. He walked around in circles and kept wagging his tail.
Jen and Mom ended up talking while Jason and I played with my Nintendo 64 in the den. I was so happy Pissy was gone. I felt back to normal and everything felt great again, no more stress.
We played captured the flag on The World is Not Enough. What sucked about this game is we are not allowed to have good characters go against each other and they only allowed villains to go against each other so all the good characters would have to be on the same team and if there are no teams, good characters cannot fight against each other so there can only be one good character vs three villains.
After time ran out, we played the levels and took turns.
“Don’t you have a memory card?” Jason asked.
“No,” I said.
"Aw man, you should get one so you wouldn't have to play all these levels again each time."
We played the levels and we couldn’t get past that night level where James was supposed to stay with Elektra but instead he leaves her at the mansion while he does his missions and then he finds out Elektra is bad and M gets upset with him for leaving her alone. No matter what we did on that level, we kept failing the level. How are we supposed to do the level without getting caught by Gabor?
Dad came in the den and asked us if we both wanted to eat and they had dinner for us. I paused the game and we jumped out of ours chairs and went in the kitchen. Mac and cheese had been made.
“I don’t want any,” said Jason.
I got my plate and served myself some. I put a lot on my plate because it's my favorite.
“How come you didn’t want any?” I asked Jason.
“I like what my mom makes,” he said.
“What's wrong with this?” I asked.
“My mom doesn’t make it like that, it's not the same noodles she uses and not the same cheese.”
Jason was being so weird.
“Natalie, did you eat your food you brought with?” Dad asked.
“No,” I said.
“Where's your bag?”
“On the stairs.”
Dad left the kitchen and I brought my food back in the den and took it all out of the bag.
We continued playing.
We turned the game off and played the mini games on Kirby. I ate my mac and cheese off and on whenever I got the chance like when I was waiting for the computer characters to get done with the game.
“You eat fast,” said Jason.
I have always been a fast eater.
We also played GoldenEye and then Jen wanted to leave so she called Jason. He left with her and I quit the level he was playing to do another level.
Dad called my name. “Natalie?”
“What?” I shouted.
“Go say bye to them, they’re heading out the door.”
I got up went out in the family room and shouted “bye,” down the hall.
Dad just laughed, “Natalie, Jason wants to say bye to you.”
“I did,” I said.
“No, he wants you to come here,” said Dad.
I walked through the hall and Jason gave me a hug and then he gave me a kiss and I got embarrassed because he did it in front of everyone. Matthew was laughing. I pulled away and rubbed my lips and Jason said, “I thought you wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and that is what they do,” he said.
“Don’t worry Nat, you’re old enough to have one now, you’re almost sixteen,” said Dad.
“When’s her birthday?” Jen asked.
“February twenty second,” I said.
“February twenty second?” Jason shouted. “That was when Drew Barrymore was born.”
“Indoor voice,” Jen ordered. Then she said. “Jason won’t be sixteen until May.”
“May what?” I asked.
“The twenty fourth,” she said.
Matthew then started to make fun of me. He was laughing and then he started saying “Natalie is in love, Natalie and Jason sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, then there is marriage.”
I chased after him. “You can’t even sing the song right,” I said.
Matthew ran from me and I chased after him.
“You’re in love,” he said. “Are you going to marry him?”
I kept chasing after him and then I grabbed his shirt and I heard a rip.
He stopped running and looked at his shirt.
“You ripped my shirt,” he cried. “Dad, Natalie ripped my shirt.”
He started crying.
“It was an accident,” I shouted.
Dad started talking to him.
Jen was talking to Mom still and then she and Jason headed out the door.
“See you,” he said to me.
I wanted to tell him to not kiss me in front of anyone ever again. That was so embarrassing.
“You didn’t like your first kiss huh?" Mom asked.
“Wow, you’re speaking to me again finally,” was all I said.
“Natalie,” said Mom.
I just walked away and went back to the den.
While I was playing the bunker level, I heard Mom and Dad arguing again.
“She isn’t going to take bullshit from you,” said Dad. “You keep doing your silent treatments but that isn’t going to work on everyone.”
“Yeah and why were you upset with her?” Dad said again. “But that really did happen and you're upset she told you?”
I showered that night and played more video games and I watched TV on the family room couch all covered up. I fell asleep while watching a Disney Vault movie.
I woke up and the TV was off and the underpaid had been placed under me. I closed my eyes trying to sleep again. I eventually went back to sleep and the next thing I woke up to was Dad being up in the kitchen making some coffee. He saw me up and said, “The funeral will be today, try and wear black or any dark color.”
“Why?” I asked in a sleepy voice.
“You always wear dark colors at a funeral, it's the rule.”
“Why?”
“It just is, that is the way things are,” said Dad.
I tried going back to sleep and I eventually moved to my room to try and sleep more.
I got out of bed at 9:27 and I changed my diaper and put my pajamas back on. I played on my Super Nintendo and I was so happy I can leave my door open finally without anything getting wrecked or my room being peed in.
I got done playing and I went downstairs to have breakfast. I had cereal and I went back to playing.
Dad told me later the funeral is at one so I better get dressed.
“Remember, dark colors,” he reminded me.
I looked in my closet at my clothes and decided on something. I put on a pair of pants I thought were dark and I put on a shirt and a dark sweater. I went back to playing video games.
“Ho ho ho,” I heard Brian saying downstairs.
I paused the game and went downstairs. He had a huge present in his hand at the front door.
“Is that the package you got on ebay?” I asked.
“Shhh,” he hissed.
“What?” Matthew asked from top of the stairs.
“Nothing,” said Brian. “Don’t worry about it.”
“What’s that present for?” Matthew asked.
“It’s for all of you kids,” Brian replied. He set it down on the stairs. “You can open it after the funeral.”
“You knew about it too?” I asked.
“Yeah, your brother called and told me so I decided to come to your puppy’s funeral even though I never got to see that little sucker. See how dark I am dressed? I didn’t have any black so this was the best I could do.”
“How do I look?” I asked Dad.
“Ask your mother, she’s the one who planned it.”
“If she will talk to me again,” I said.
“I will send her.”
Dad walked away.
I looked at the present and felt how heavy it is and I even tried to peek inside it.
“Natalie, that is for after the funeral,” said Brian.
“I’m just looking,” I said.
Matthew picked it up and shook it. “What did you get?”
“You will find out after the funeral,” Brian said again.
Mom came downstairs in her dark clothes.
“That isn’t dark enough,” Mom told me. “I will get something darker.”
Mom went in my room and she came back out with one of my blue sweater tops. “This is dark and will look good for the funeral.”
I took my sweater off and put the blue one on. Mom took my other sweater from me.
I went back to playing video games and then my name was called to come outside.
I paused the game and got my shoes on and went outside.
I saw the hole had been dug in the flower bed. The small storage container sat right by it with Pissy’s body. The shovel was right by the hole too laying on the ground.
Kelly and Matthew were also waiting and Brian came out too. Then Mom and Dad came out.
Mom started crying again. She picked up the plastic storage bin and stuck it in the hole.
“Pissy was born sometime in the year 2000 and he was only five months when we got him,” she said. “He was a miniature schnauzer and he liked to run around our home and liked to whimper so that was why we named him that. He was won at the Christmas carnival in town.”
Mom was then done and then Matthew said “He was the best dog ever and the best present ever we got, I loved him and I will miss him and playing with him.”
Then Kelly went next. “It was very exciting when we got this dog and won him even though he wasn’t my real gift because he was a family dog, I liked holding him and playing with him and he was so cute and it was fun having a new puppy as it lasted.”
Then Brian went next. "I had heard you guys had gotten a new puppy and I didn’t know this dog but it was very sad his life had to end so soon. Children will wander out in the street and that is what he did because he was only a small child.”
Then Dad was next. “He was a cute puppy who liked to whimper and wee in the house and that is all I have to say.”
Then everyone was silent and Dad looked at me and made some gesture. I guess he wanted me to speak. I remembered what he had told me about how to say good things about him.
“It was very shocking we got this dog and no one wanted him but Mom won him and his whimpering was funny so we called him that and he was supposed to be our early Christmas present. I don’t know what else to say that would be good.”
“You did alright,” said Dad. “Okay, time for the burial.”
Mom picked the shovel up and started to throw dirt over the plastic bin. I watched it get buried and soon all the dirt and bark dust was back over it. She started to cry again.
“The funeral has now ended,” she said through her tears.
“Yay, present time,” said Matthew.
I went up the steps and took my shoes off and went inside. I waited for Kelly and Matthew and they came inside and went to the stairs where I was waiting with our present.
“Can we open it now?” I asked.
Matthew started to tear open the present and I started to tear it too. Kelly also did the same and it was just a box. I started to peel at the tape.
“You kids need a knife,” said Brian.
I kept trying to get the tape off when Dad came in with a knife and cut the tape for us. I opened the top and there were a bunch of peanuts with a bunch of Nintendo 64 games.
“Nintendo 64 games,” I said,
“Video games,” Matthew shouted.
I started taking them out and Matthew took them out too and Kelly. Some of the peanuts were coming out. We looked at what games they were.
“What do you children say?” Dad asked.
“Thank you,” we said.
“Thank you,” Matthew shouted.
I saw some sport games and I saw Zelda and Mario Party. I was so excited about these games. I found Star Fox 64 and some racing games, Star Wars, Bomberman 64, Superman, Gauntlet, Blast Corps, great, a duplicate, San Fransisco Rush, Doom, Banjo Kazooie, Cruisin' USA, '98 Winter Olympics, 1080 Snowboarding.
I counted all the game cartridges that came, twenty-five games in all.
"That is a lot of games," Dad said.
"I wouldn't have time to play them all," said Brian. "School takes up all my time and work that helps pay for it and my rent and utilities."
I couldn't imagine all that stress of work and school and never having any time for free time to relax.
"How do you do all that without getting all stressed out?" I asked.
"I just do it, I want to get this all done so I take all these classes and even in the summer just to get it done so I can graduate."
"But don't you get stressed out?"
"Sometimes if I have a lot of work to do but I will be done by next year."
I felt happy for him. He had been in college for five years already.
Matthew started to bring the games to the den and some fell out of his arms. I picked them up and carried them to the den too and we put them on the floor.
Good thing Pissy was dead or he might have wrecked these too if someone left the door open and these were on the floor.
Matthew wanted to play one of the "new" games so he put one of them in and turned on the gaming system and the TV. I saw what he had put in and he selected a level and player and snowboard and started playing.
Brian visited with Dad for a while and Mom mourned over Pissy's death. She just cried about it while Matthew seemed fine. Dad even had to put a sign on our front door saying:
Anita's Art Studio will be closed due to a death in our family, a family pet. Glen
Instead, letters had been left by the door under the mat or in the door knob about their console of our lost pet and a few of them had stories about the time they had lost their pet.
I am so sorry for your loss, I totally understand why you would shut your business down for now. I had a cat named Skittles and one day he disappeared and was never found. That was ten years ago and I miss him to this day and only have one picture of him. I know how you are feeling and how much it hurts to lose a pet you love, not only are they our pets, they are our children and lot of people just see them as pets and don't understand how we feel but I do. My sincere and consolation, Debra Depay.
Another letter read:
Dear Anita, I am so sorry for your loss, I once had to put my dog to sleep who was a mixed Lab and German Shepherd and he got real sick and had to be put down. I cried for three days straight and couldn't leave my room and no one understood and my boss threatened to fire me because it was just a dog and dogs die. People have no empathy because they see them as just dogs and don't understand they are our children and love them as our own. That was the hardest moment of my life and I have not had another dog since because I can't go through it again. Sincerely James Strong.
Dad looked through the other ones and read them all and told me to give these to our mother and he kept a few in his hand. "What about those?" I pointed.
"These stay with me," he said.
"Why?"
"Not something for your mother to be reading but bring those to her."
I took them all upstairs and opened the master bedroom door slowly and Mom was laying in bed. I walked in slowly and felt very nervous. I put the letters on the stand right by her bed and started to walk away.
"Natalie," said Mom.
I stopped.
Mom sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She held her arms out. I walked over to her.
Mom started hugging me. "I'm very sorry," she said.
"For?" I asked.
"Everything, my failure to protect you from danger and I'm lucky for you to still be alive and Whimper wasn't so lucky so he died because of my lack of attention to him because I cared more about my hobby than taking care of him and caring about how it was affecting your mental health and how it was making your father feel. He is dead because of me. If I had been watching him as you kept telling me over and over, he would still be alive. I got so carried away with the raffle I couldn't stop myself and I won and I was so excited I won, I didn't even think about our life at home. How would we take care of this dog, who is going to train him, am I willing to do all the work, I should have given him to someone, you were right. I couldn't just keep him in his cage all the time so he needed to be somewhere else who could watch him more and your Dad doesn't like urine stains and you didn't like him doing it by your room or in there or him wrecking your stuff. I have been so selfish and now he is dead because of it."
I felt so happy what I was hearing. Mom was admitting I was right and it had been her fault for bad things that have happened to me that could have killed me.
"I am responsible for his death and I don't know how I can ever forgive myself," said Mom and she started crying again.
Then Dad came in the bedroom and told me I could leave now.
Dad sat right next to mom.
"I've killed him," she said.
"Look, it wasn't your fault," said Dad.
"Yes it was, if I had been watching him, this wouldn't have happened."
"It doesn't matter. Even if you were watching him, you could have been doing something else like being in the kitchen cooking, being in the bathroom and he can be sitting by the door, you can't always keep on eye on him at all times and he liked running out in the street. Even if he were house trained, it still could have happened. Skippy runs off too still but accidents still happen."
"I could have trained him not to do that," said Mom.
"Well it's over and in the past, it happened and at least you had your three weeks with him. You can't do anything about it, it's already happened," said Dad.
How could Dad say it wasn't her fault when it was? If she would have kept him in his cage when she couldn't watch him, none of that would have happened.
I went in the kitchen to look at those letters Dad didn't want me giving to Mom. They were nowhere to be seen so I looked in the trash and then in the garage in the recycle bin and there they were. I read them and they said things like "It's just an animal, you can always get a new one." "I am sorry you had to close your business over a losing a pet but they can be replaced." All of them were about getting a new pet and how dogs always die and are not humans and how we must never get attached and while children can't be replaced, pets can. I put them back in the bin and went inside. I wonder if any of them were written by neighborhood kids.
It's been a week since Pissy's death and I was so happy about it still. Mom was still upset about it but was trying to still sell her artwork and cook and take care of us. Matthew had went out in the backyard and made Pissy a grave using rocks and sticks he found and brought them home. I went out there and spat on it when I happened to be outside with Skippy but I respected my brother enough to not destroy it. Mom had not been out there once at the gravesite to visit.
It was the last day of school for the weekend and I went home with Jason and his mom to their apartment. We sat in the back together because that is what couples do, they sit together and hold hands. I still felt too anxious to be kissing him in front of anyone and hugging him.
When we got to his apartment, we started to play video games together and I had brought a bunch of our new Nintendo 64 games with. My backpack was heavy because of it. I imagined if I dumped it all on someone's head, they would be dead because of all that weight. I thought of that as another Abusing Adventures of Pissy.
Pissy was walking one day on the sidewalk when a guy on top of the building decided to drop a pillowcase of Nintendo 64 cartridges. He dropped the bag and the bag went down and landed on top of Pissy and he was then dead.
Jason and I played San Fransisco Rush. I was so happy to have my life back and having a boyfriend. But The Abusing Adventures of Pissy would never end.
End
Author note:
This story was based on true events. In November 2001 my dad got a new Miniature Schnauzer on sale for $264 at the mall pet store because they had too many of them and they were at five months old so they had to get rid of them. My dad who has ADHD bought it on buyer impulse and wasn’t thinking about our current life and the fact I was already having a lot of anxiety and liked having a clean house. Instead of whimpering, he was always squeaking so we named him Squeaky. I loved that dog until I saw him lift his leg up at my dollhouse and pee and it was intentional. I also noticed he would be outside and then come in and pee right away so it would be obvious he was holding it. No one wanted to watch that dog and I also kept him outside or in his cage but everyone would keep letting him back out. My mom thought it was so cruel to keep him in his cage all the time. Squeaky was peeing in the basement and the playroom and I also got nightmares about that dog like Natalie did and dreaming about my mother letting little kids be mean to me and she has that weird look on her face when I am grabbing her pleading her to do something about kids being mean to me. I also had The Abusing Adventures of Squeaky except I never wrote them down, I only fantasized about it like Natalie did but she also wrote them down too. I also squeezed him and carried him to try and get the evil out of him like she did. I also tossed him outside literally and also would kicked the cage with him in it and pound my fists on it. I also thought about killing him but what stopped me was fear of going to a mental hospital and my parents abandoning me. I did want to kill that dog too. I also thought he was evil because of how it looked and no one believed me. I was skiing when my mom told me he had been hit by a car which was why Natalie was going skiing but I decided it was better she came home from school and got the news then. I was also happy about his death and February 1st was also a special day for me because of the day he died and he was hit by my Mom’s ’97 red Saab than by a school bus and my mother was driving. Squeaky loved to chase after cars on our driveway and my dad always said he would not last through winter. I also thought it was one of his bullshit things he said because he liked to bullshit. My brothers were upset about the death but my dad was like “it’s just a dog” and my mom also felt relieved and had that same expression look on her face Kelly had when she told me the news and her voice was real quiet about it. My youngest brother and his friend made a grave for Squeaky after burying him and there was no funeral, all they did was bury him in front of our house and made his grave with rocks and I also spat at it once but had enough respect for my brothers to leave the gravesite alone. But after his death, I was also back to normal and all that anxiety was gone. For Natalie her suffering only lasted her nearly a month while for me I had to go through it for three months from November to the first day of February. Also the other difference is no one got mad at Natalie for her anxiety while mine did and that made things worse for me and I acted out more as a result of more anxiety from them. Natalie lives in a family where no one is normal but Kelly and Brian other than her having dyslexia but both my parents were pretty much normal even though my dad has ADHD. I also threatened suicide often while she only threatened it once. My brothers are also very normal too so they wouldn’t understand and they were just children anyway but my parents did nothing about it when they didn’t understand. Like Glen, my mom also didn’t want that dog and never wanted a new dog. Like Kelly, my mom didn’t like that dog because of how much chaos he caused in the home and Kelly was starting to not like Whimper anymore because of the chaos he was causing and she couldn’t focus on her school work anymore. For my mom it was because it was starting to affect her work because of tremendous anxiety and my behavior so she had to take a leave of absence for a while. Also Squeaky has never wrecked any of my things, he only did peeing and he never grinned except for when I would squeeze him. I also remember that day coming home from school and Squeaky being out of his cage while my parents were still gone. I chase him to put him back in his cage and he lifts his leg up to pee and puts it down to run from me and I catch him and toss him outside like Natalie was doing when she caught him trying to pee in the kitchen. Also not one would tell me then about a reasonable explanation for how he isn’t doing any of this on purpose and why he would keep peeing in the house than going outside while for Natalie, someone was able to give her one to explain his behavior so it wouldn’t look so malicious. She had Jason while I had no one and even my therapist wouldn’t tell me. Years later one of my online friends was laughing about my thoughts about Squeaky and told me how sorry she was for what I had to go through and gave me an explanation for his behavior like maybe he was just confused and he was just maybe a dumb animal. Thanks to the internet, I could google anything online and get answers and I couldn’t do that then because the internet was different back then and I didn’t know how to find certain things online if I wanted certain information and was looking for a certain answer. Now today that is easy, just type in a question and you get your results. Plus I didn’t learn how to do this until my mid-twenties and my life has been easier since and the internet has become a necessity than a luxury. This story takes place when AOL was still in common use and when everyone was still using dial up and before there was any social media and before there was any texting and phone cams but teens were just starting to have cell phones on their hands. Online play was very new back then too and a new technology and Dreamcast and the Playstation 2 all had a phone jack. There was still no wi fi back then so places did not have internet and no one could just go on their phones to look things up or go to google maps or get a phone number for a place. You still needed to use phonebooks for all that and paper maps and call for directions. In internet forums were lot like message boards and posts were bounce off them and disappear for good from new posts and there were internet groups than forums and everyone did personal webpages than blogs. There was still online shopping and some businesses back then had a webpage. Disney.com was one of the first webpages I went to in December 1996 and it would take three or five minutes for the page to load. Things were not that much different when we had Squeaky because it was only a year in difference but they had stopped making Nintendo 64 games then and Gamecube had just come out and they also stopped making the Dreamcast and that was also the first year when the very first XBOX launched.
The reason why I wrote this story was because I have always wanted to write one based on this true event and I thought of a horror story where a family gets a new puppy and it’s a Miniature Schnauzer but he is actually evil and it would have been one of those thriller stories. Then I decided to just use Natalie for it and not make it a horror or a thriller, just base it on this and keep it very similar and put my true feelings in it. No one in my family has ever apologized for their selfishness about the dog like Anita has to Natalie and was it our fault Squeaky died? Yes because we didn’t stop him from chasing cars and we let him do it and my mom could have put him in his cage before heading to McDonalds with my other brother and my uncle that Friday night. Actually any of them could have done it so it would have been all their fault. But it was good news for me. In this story Anita blames herself because she could have kept him in his cage and lock him up every time he runs outside and she could have just rehomed him if she couldn’t properly take care of him and the havoc he was causing due to his lack of housetraining.